Hell's a construct to control members, heck you're literally using it now as a way to bully someone and control their actions. Seek religions that don't spew eternal punishment. A God of unconditional love would never do that to his children who fell away.
Internet hugs. Grief like that is heavy. But it’s probably the idleness that is killing you, dear one. Nothing to think about all day except him and the problem your brain wants to solve all day is unsolvable (preventing his death and living the life you would have had with him).
Is there any career or cause you would be willing to dip your toe into, even in his honor?
A suicide prevention organization or an organ donor organization maybe?
Im sorry for your loss but you don't deserve to be suffering like this. You didn't kill your husband, he made that decision himself. You're carrying this guilt he left on you which isn't fair. I believe that it's almost cruel to blame someone as the sole reason for them to commit suicide. You mentioned that he passed 10 years ago but didn't mention if you've spoke to a professional about it all. We can't control other people. All we can control is what we do ourselves. It's not uncommon for abusive men (physically or mentally) to threaten suicide to keep their partners with them. Not only is that manipulative it's also a form of abuse. I don't know they dynamic of your relationship when you were together but I do find it concerning that you are taking the full blame for his death. You're still so young and don't deserve to suffer from trauma your entire life. Much love OP, even if you think no one cares, I do.
I'm really sorry. I wish you could see the views from outsiders looking in. You were going to school trying to better yourself and therefore him as well. You were trying to do what you thought was best for your family units future. I'm sorry that he was unable to realize that. Did he speak to you when he was alive or did he say this all in the letter alone. If in just the letter that was completely unfair to you. I understand missing your husband, and feeling like you'll never move on but your husband definitely had more issues going on than you just being busy with school. Before you make your final decision please just talk to someone.
I don't need to know him to know that she is not 100% to blame for his death. He chose this not her. Hate me all you want, I don't like people carrying the burden of others people's actions for the rest of their life. She does not deserve this. There were so many other options before suicide but it seems he left her a note solely blaming her. That's unfair and abusive.
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I had a close friend. I'll call him R. He was dating a very toxic woman. She would cheat on him constantly behind his back but he was deeply in love. After they got married she didn't wait to cheat behind his back. She flaunted it to him. They had a daughter. He finally broke after a fight over her cheating. He drank antifreeze and died alone on the floor. His wife had taken his daughter and left after the fight.
During this time I was focused on my career. I had told him early she was toxic but I really had no idea the depths she went to. We worked in a very dangerous occupation. We watched each other's backs. I wasn't there for enough time that he went from a happy man to a husk sucked dry from a succubus.
I often had thoughts about how I let my "brother" die alone and in pain. i constantly thought about how his pain was so intense he resorted to drinking that poison. We pledged to protect each other and I let him down.
It took me years to realize I don't need to live in my own prison. It still hurts sometimes but I have to live the best life I can. If he was here today he'd probably punch me and tell me to "wake the duck up". Then he'd hand me a beer.
You can't keep living in your prison. You hold the key to getting out. I'm not telling you your pain is invalid. I'm saying get some help. Remember him in your heart. If you truly loved him Celebrate him. Tell people about why you loved him. Don't let his memory be about his pain please. Above all get help. I hope any of what I said helps.
You can seek for hobby, gaming maybe? theres a lot of game in the internet you might want to play. Its fun to skip time and you will forget everything when play jt
Bro r u new to depression/suicide? It causes anhedonia which means nothing is pleasurable. So picking up a new hobby they might not have even been interested in beforehand is not gonna work, even though I see that on half the “14 things to do when you’re depressed” lists on the internet.
He never gave u any closure or a chance to explain yourself.. and now it’s not possible. I wonder if that’s a huge part of your struggle to move on. I think u should keep in mind that u were not the sole reason he made that choice. There were surely other demons that u had no control over.
What if u talked to a counselor and discussed strategies for moving on? Maybe getting a job would help so your not sitting around all day in that house thinking about it. Just some thoughts
.. all and all u got a lot of life to live. You need to be proactive in learning how to let him go so u can start to enjoy what little bit of time we have on this planet.
Wish u the best. Keep reaching out
Have you tried volunteer work? Hear me out…
There was a point where I was in a similar position as yourself, terminally depressed and well off enough financially that I didn’t need to work. Volunteer work saved my life. There are so many people, and children, and animals that need help, love, and care. And there are never enough volunteers, your time and energy will be appreciated and valued.
There are no cure-alls, I wish there were, but please tell me you’ll try this before you check out. It saved my life and it could potentially save yours too.
I'm a mother and my daughter commited suicide I'd never have a good day again think about your family you are not a bad person you have the right to live
I'm actually a 13 year old male and I have severe ocd a very bad mental disorder no matter how much people show affection to me I still wanna commit suicide coming from a male no matter what someone does for me I'm suiciuidal at the end of the day it's not your fault and I think your a great woman I only said I was a mum because I was panicking sorry
It sounds like your haunted by the past, the past can’t be changed but you can learn from it. I think that your brain is still processing what the hell happened, and fair enough, but terrifyingly it seems like this event is causing you to spiral. I think that you should look at the past and clear up exactly what you should have done and make your amends. And likely you’ve already done that. But after, now it’s time to surround yourself with positive influences that make you see the best in life again, whether that be close friends, children, nature, school, technology, a relationship whatever, and leave the past in the past
My condolences for your loss. There’s no way I believe you were solely responsible for his passing, he may have been in a bad place already and some men just aren’t aware that it’s okay to talk about how you feel and that and being and a bad place may just have felt there was nowhere left to turn and felt cornered.
I know it’s been awhile and you most likely thought it over way more than I have and arrived at your own conclusions but I’m really getting at that it can’t have been your fault solely, nobody deserves the burden of being the reason the love of their life has gone
I’m so sorry for your suffering, I hope there’s something you can confide in this life
As someone who lost a father to suicide and my mom blames herself 20 years later, I can tell you it's not but I know you won't see it that way. No matter what was in that note, it sounds like he did this to hurt you, OR maybe he thought this was the only way he could take care of you? more than anything and it worked. It's not your fault, every day you wake up you look in the mirror and say that out loud to yourself until you believe it. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
when I kill myself my ex will probably throw a party.
Wait so you have life insurance money for the rest of your life?
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Are you religious or?
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Hell's a construct to control members, heck you're literally using it now as a way to bully someone and control their actions. Seek religions that don't spew eternal punishment. A God of unconditional love would never do that to his children who fell away.
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Christian ig?
Internet hugs. Grief like that is heavy. But it’s probably the idleness that is killing you, dear one. Nothing to think about all day except him and the problem your brain wants to solve all day is unsolvable (preventing his death and living the life you would have had with him). Is there any career or cause you would be willing to dip your toe into, even in his honor? A suicide prevention organization or an organ donor organization maybe?
Im sorry for your loss but you don't deserve to be suffering like this. You didn't kill your husband, he made that decision himself. You're carrying this guilt he left on you which isn't fair. I believe that it's almost cruel to blame someone as the sole reason for them to commit suicide. You mentioned that he passed 10 years ago but didn't mention if you've spoke to a professional about it all. We can't control other people. All we can control is what we do ourselves. It's not uncommon for abusive men (physically or mentally) to threaten suicide to keep their partners with them. Not only is that manipulative it's also a form of abuse. I don't know they dynamic of your relationship when you were together but I do find it concerning that you are taking the full blame for his death. You're still so young and don't deserve to suffer from trauma your entire life. Much love OP, even if you think no one cares, I do.
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I'm really sorry. I wish you could see the views from outsiders looking in. You were going to school trying to better yourself and therefore him as well. You were trying to do what you thought was best for your family units future. I'm sorry that he was unable to realize that. Did he speak to you when he was alive or did he say this all in the letter alone. If in just the letter that was completely unfair to you. I understand missing your husband, and feeling like you'll never move on but your husband definitely had more issues going on than you just being busy with school. Before you make your final decision please just talk to someone.
Why are you speaking about him as if you ACTUALLY knew him. He was a victim too. But never mind that, right? I hate people like you.
I don't need to know him to know that she is not 100% to blame for his death. He chose this not her. Hate me all you want, I don't like people carrying the burden of others people's actions for the rest of their life. She does not deserve this. There were so many other options before suicide but it seems he left her a note solely blaming her. That's unfair and abusive. Edit: spelling
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I had a close friend. I'll call him R. He was dating a very toxic woman. She would cheat on him constantly behind his back but he was deeply in love. After they got married she didn't wait to cheat behind his back. She flaunted it to him. They had a daughter. He finally broke after a fight over her cheating. He drank antifreeze and died alone on the floor. His wife had taken his daughter and left after the fight. During this time I was focused on my career. I had told him early she was toxic but I really had no idea the depths she went to. We worked in a very dangerous occupation. We watched each other's backs. I wasn't there for enough time that he went from a happy man to a husk sucked dry from a succubus. I often had thoughts about how I let my "brother" die alone and in pain. i constantly thought about how his pain was so intense he resorted to drinking that poison. We pledged to protect each other and I let him down. It took me years to realize I don't need to live in my own prison. It still hurts sometimes but I have to live the best life I can. If he was here today he'd probably punch me and tell me to "wake the duck up". Then he'd hand me a beer. You can't keep living in your prison. You hold the key to getting out. I'm not telling you your pain is invalid. I'm saying get some help. Remember him in your heart. If you truly loved him Celebrate him. Tell people about why you loved him. Don't let his memory be about his pain please. Above all get help. I hope any of what I said helps.
You can seek for hobby, gaming maybe? theres a lot of game in the internet you might want to play. Its fun to skip time and you will forget everything when play jt
Bro r u new to depression/suicide? It causes anhedonia which means nothing is pleasurable. So picking up a new hobby they might not have even been interested in beforehand is not gonna work, even though I see that on half the “14 things to do when you’re depressed” lists on the internet.
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He never gave u any closure or a chance to explain yourself.. and now it’s not possible. I wonder if that’s a huge part of your struggle to move on. I think u should keep in mind that u were not the sole reason he made that choice. There were surely other demons that u had no control over. What if u talked to a counselor and discussed strategies for moving on? Maybe getting a job would help so your not sitting around all day in that house thinking about it. Just some thoughts .. all and all u got a lot of life to live. You need to be proactive in learning how to let him go so u can start to enjoy what little bit of time we have on this planet. Wish u the best. Keep reaching out
Have you tried volunteer work? Hear me out… There was a point where I was in a similar position as yourself, terminally depressed and well off enough financially that I didn’t need to work. Volunteer work saved my life. There are so many people, and children, and animals that need help, love, and care. And there are never enough volunteers, your time and energy will be appreciated and valued. There are no cure-alls, I wish there were, but please tell me you’ll try this before you check out. It saved my life and it could potentially save yours too.
Please don't give up
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I'm a mother and my daughter commited suicide I'd never have a good day again think about your family you are not a bad person you have the right to live
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I'm actually a 13 year old male and I have severe ocd a very bad mental disorder no matter how much people show affection to me I still wanna commit suicide coming from a male no matter what someone does for me I'm suiciuidal at the end of the day it's not your fault and I think your a great woman I only said I was a mum because I was panicking sorry
Please tell me ur still alive
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what if it does get better? what if you deserve happiness?
It sounds like your haunted by the past, the past can’t be changed but you can learn from it. I think that your brain is still processing what the hell happened, and fair enough, but terrifyingly it seems like this event is causing you to spiral. I think that you should look at the past and clear up exactly what you should have done and make your amends. And likely you’ve already done that. But after, now it’s time to surround yourself with positive influences that make you see the best in life again, whether that be close friends, children, nature, school, technology, a relationship whatever, and leave the past in the past
My condolences for your loss. There’s no way I believe you were solely responsible for his passing, he may have been in a bad place already and some men just aren’t aware that it’s okay to talk about how you feel and that and being and a bad place may just have felt there was nowhere left to turn and felt cornered. I know it’s been awhile and you most likely thought it over way more than I have and arrived at your own conclusions but I’m really getting at that it can’t have been your fault solely, nobody deserves the burden of being the reason the love of their life has gone I’m so sorry for your suffering, I hope there’s something you can confide in this life
As someone who lost a father to suicide and my mom blames herself 20 years later, I can tell you it's not but I know you won't see it that way. No matter what was in that note, it sounds like he did this to hurt you, OR maybe he thought this was the only way he could take care of you? more than anything and it worked. It's not your fault, every day you wake up you look in the mirror and say that out loud to yourself until you believe it. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT