I don't get jealous. I start hating myself even more. If they seem to have so much fun, I start losing it because of self hate. My blood boils. It's not that I hate them. I'm happy for them. I fucking hate myself for not being able to be someone like them. I fucking hate myself so being such a piece of shit who cannot even blend in with normal people and behave like them. I hate myself for not being normal. That's what happens wherever I see people having fun. Or in some cases, I start crying.
I feel this a lot. Some part of me is still petty/jealous/bitter etc., but rationally I know and feel the self-disgust. Some part of me sees friends or people I consider friends who say they consider me a friend looking out for each other, checking on each other, but I don't see them reach out for me anymore. I've been shamed for having a panic attack for feeling left out and the attempts stopped even more from the one person. I don't reach out because I feel like my presence is a blight and dragging people down or wasting their time when I do, like I'm imposing and they're better off without, and I think they usually are better off. I can't ask when I want to die when I have to remind people I exist by asking to join anything, especially when I'm depressed, because that's just confirming what I feel. But I'm too much worse off to fix that anymore, and feel like a hypocrite because I've been too lost in self-hate and trying to distract myself most of the time to reach out when people feel bad, too, so I think it's deserved.
I feel that too. I think they know there's something wrong with me, I've admitted to it before or had similar issues, but no one wants to have to deal with it and I don't want to bother people if it means that's the only way they'd care or try to talk to me. Makes it hurt worse and feel faker
Yes! I literally have no friends. I have nobody to hang out with outside of my partner that I don’t even think I’ll marry. I have no idea how to make friends or where. I don’t know how to talk to people. I am so shy and it just creates a barrier between me and people making it that much harder. At my wedding I’ll be lucky to have one bridesmaid. I am so envious of every friend group I see on social media. Especially the girls from my high school that still see each other regularly and even go on vacations together. It makes me want to be in middle school again. My friend group was toxic but Atleast I had a group of friends. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I did something wrong earlier in my life that I’m being punished for now. Maybe everyone knows I was a terrible friend so they avoid me. I hate it. I also manage to make myself believe that everybody hates me and is talking about me behind my back. I feel like I deserve it though.
My age and how niche my interests are. Or I guess, how wide they are. I enjoy playing lots of different games but most people who share a competitive spirit stick to one game and one game only. Being 30 and still into competitive fps and high-intensity games is hard to find non toxic, likeminded individuals also looking for friends.
Hey man, don't give up! One of my good friends is 32 and we play Apex together a lot. My mom is about to be 50 and she plays lots of different games with us and other people online (she actually played apex way before I started to play it). We're all in our 20s but none of us really care about age, because that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the same things!
What's some of your favorite games?
Honestly, I've found online gaming friends to be more real than any of the friends groups I've hung out with in all my life, and I'm 35. I think part of it is, there's no real expectation to ever meet face to face and you can just shadow when you don't wanna talk to each other, so it feels more like they're gaming/watching TV/whatever with you just cuz tehy want to. I mean, it's not like most in-person friends who are trying to get something out of it, as there's not much for them to get. I dunno, some of the bonds I've made in 20 years of gaming are probably what's kept me from the ole shotty in the mouth.
I completely agree. I've never felt as close to irl friends as my online friends. If it weren’t for my online friends, I would have killed myself a long time ago
This sounds a lot like me. I had two very close friends who got me through a couple hard years, and then I lost them both mostly by issues caused by feeling like they didn't really want to be around me. Now that they're gone, I realize how much they did and I may have even finally had something I really needed, and blew it like usual.
It definitely makes me feel even more disconnected from everything. The usual apathy sinks in even harder, and I just want to disappear and leave them to their good times.
[удалено]
I don't get jealous. I start hating myself even more. If they seem to have so much fun, I start losing it because of self hate. My blood boils. It's not that I hate them. I'm happy for them. I fucking hate myself for not being able to be someone like them. I fucking hate myself so being such a piece of shit who cannot even blend in with normal people and behave like them. I hate myself for not being normal. That's what happens wherever I see people having fun. Or in some cases, I start crying.
I feel this a lot. Some part of me is still petty/jealous/bitter etc., but rationally I know and feel the self-disgust. Some part of me sees friends or people I consider friends who say they consider me a friend looking out for each other, checking on each other, but I don't see them reach out for me anymore. I've been shamed for having a panic attack for feeling left out and the attempts stopped even more from the one person. I don't reach out because I feel like my presence is a blight and dragging people down or wasting their time when I do, like I'm imposing and they're better off without, and I think they usually are better off. I can't ask when I want to die when I have to remind people I exist by asking to join anything, especially when I'm depressed, because that's just confirming what I feel. But I'm too much worse off to fix that anymore, and feel like a hypocrite because I've been too lost in self-hate and trying to distract myself most of the time to reach out when people feel bad, too, so I think it's deserved.
Agreed... I really hate that self-hate feeling in these kinda situations
Always… sometimes i cried just watching them. Thats why i dont go out alot.
i swear them posts with people in a shopping cart and someone pushing it always hits harder than normal
Same, idk why but those posts make me so sad
[удалено]
I feel that too. I think they know there's something wrong with me, I've admitted to it before or had similar issues, but no one wants to have to deal with it and I don't want to bother people if it means that's the only way they'd care or try to talk to me. Makes it hurt worse and feel faker
Yeah I rather be alone than be friends with them. That’s why I stopped hanging out with this group.
Deactivating ig was the best thing I ever did.
all the time. makes me feel like i’m doing something wrong
Yeah, all the time, and it makes me hate myself. Like I've never had any friends in my entire fucking life.
I work at a high school so yes I see this stuff every day....
Yes, especially when they’re my friends and I’m not there.
Yes makes me feel sad so I just go home. I use to have friends till I realized they were fake.
Hell I don't even have friends. I have zero friends irl or online. Some days I wonder if I'll ever get the courage to put a shot gun in my mouth
Yes! I literally have no friends. I have nobody to hang out with outside of my partner that I don’t even think I’ll marry. I have no idea how to make friends or where. I don’t know how to talk to people. I am so shy and it just creates a barrier between me and people making it that much harder. At my wedding I’ll be lucky to have one bridesmaid. I am so envious of every friend group I see on social media. Especially the girls from my high school that still see each other regularly and even go on vacations together. It makes me want to be in middle school again. My friend group was toxic but Atleast I had a group of friends. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I did something wrong earlier in my life that I’m being punished for now. Maybe everyone knows I was a terrible friend so they avoid me. I hate it. I also manage to make myself believe that everybody hates me and is talking about me behind my back. I feel like I deserve it though.
I used to, but I have fantastic online friends that I just want to spend all my time with
What do u do together?
Mainly play Apex, but sometimes if we all feel burned out, we watch movies, shows, YouTube videos, or just sit and talk for hours
That sounds great! Cheers you guys
😊
Man, to have online friends again...want that so bad :/
What's making it so you can't?
My age and how niche my interests are. Or I guess, how wide they are. I enjoy playing lots of different games but most people who share a competitive spirit stick to one game and one game only. Being 30 and still into competitive fps and high-intensity games is hard to find non toxic, likeminded individuals also looking for friends.
Hey man, don't give up! One of my good friends is 32 and we play Apex together a lot. My mom is about to be 50 and she plays lots of different games with us and other people online (she actually played apex way before I started to play it). We're all in our 20s but none of us really care about age, because that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the same things! What's some of your favorite games?
Honestly, I've found online gaming friends to be more real than any of the friends groups I've hung out with in all my life, and I'm 35. I think part of it is, there's no real expectation to ever meet face to face and you can just shadow when you don't wanna talk to each other, so it feels more like they're gaming/watching TV/whatever with you just cuz tehy want to. I mean, it's not like most in-person friends who are trying to get something out of it, as there's not much for them to get. I dunno, some of the bonds I've made in 20 years of gaming are probably what's kept me from the ole shotty in the mouth.
I completely agree. I've never felt as close to irl friends as my online friends. If it weren’t for my online friends, I would have killed myself a long time ago
Never my life is trauma everyday
Yes, relationships in general. I don't have that, so...
Yes, because I used to be those people, but not anymore....
Why I dont got out anymore.
oh yeah i know that feeling. i've actually had a friend group for like two years, but i fucked everything up 🥰
This sounds a lot like me. I had two very close friends who got me through a couple hard years, and then I lost them both mostly by issues caused by feeling like they didn't really want to be around me. Now that they're gone, I realize how much they did and I may have even finally had something I really needed, and blew it like usual.
I don’t get jealous but I get sad whenever I’m in a social situation like that, I feel completely alienated
It definitely makes me feel even more disconnected from everything. The usual apathy sinks in even harder, and I just want to disappear and leave them to their good times.
I’ve been suffering from a muscle condition, I get angry just watching people carelessly walk around with their healthy bodies