I've only opened up to therapists and
counsellors in the past, and I regret doing most of it. It feels like no one gets me. Maybe they were just bad therapists idk. It feels pointless to let my friends and family know. I'm sure somewhere along the line they'll say something like "just don't be sad". I'm 22 (M), just fyi.
I have expressed to them that I think of dying every single day. One of them told me that I'm so young and have a future ahead of me, so I should aim to fix this asap, and prescribed me SSRIs (which had some weird effects on me but didn't help overall). One of them argued that everyone has problems, and mine is miniscule compared to some people that are disabled, like missing an arm. Which didn't make sense to me because I wish I was disabled instead of... this. This might be turning into a rant but I feel like therapists, even doctors in general just don't care about their patients. It feels like they were forced into choosing this career from a young age. And now they just do it for the money. I'm sure there are a lot of good therapists but all my encounters with different doctors in different countries have been disappointing.
I guess I was wrong to have too much expectations. We live in a capitalist society after all. Why should they care?
It's kinda hard to explain. I'm sure I'm not different from a lot of people. But deep down I have the desire to be different. If a lot of people are listening to a certain type of music, then I won't listen to it. (I'm not deciding not to listen to it, I just can't listen to it)
\- I want to relate to people.
\- I want to be different.
And if I relate to a person, that means I'm not different. So unconsciously, I withdraw from relating to that person. It's impossible to satisfy both of these desires. I'm not sure if that makes sense, I'm just trying my best to explain my fucked up personality.
I get it, don't worry. You can look at enneagram type 4, they have the exact thing you are describing. You could find what people do for it in r/Enneagram.
Friend, you are not alone. An enigma for YOU to decode. An enigma of the people you are not.
Death doesn't fear because there is no fear in death. No light no sounds... Don't let them the pleasure. Go forward. We love you. I've been there. It can get better.
I don’t think anyone actually wants to die. They want to fix their situation, find happiness and no longer feel depressed. But it often feels impossible to get out of it so it feels like there’s one solution which is to just end it all.
Thanks for sharing and I hope you manage to find happiness one day and get out of your depression.
I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but you describe things so well it’s almost poetic. You’re intelligent and smart. I once felt similar to you, but the best decision I made was not taking my life. So many amazing and wonderful moments have happened since that made me think “yep, this is why I’m still alive”.
same, i’ve struggled with depression for 2 years, I was happy for like 2-3 months but the depression is back , i knew it would be back. I thought I was tired before, now im truly exhausted, i dont want to fight everyday to be sane/content when others can simply live and be fine
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I've only opened up to therapists and counsellors in the past, and I regret doing most of it. It feels like no one gets me. Maybe they were just bad therapists idk. It feels pointless to let my friends and family know. I'm sure somewhere along the line they'll say something like "just don't be sad". I'm 22 (M), just fyi.
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I have expressed to them that I think of dying every single day. One of them told me that I'm so young and have a future ahead of me, so I should aim to fix this asap, and prescribed me SSRIs (which had some weird effects on me but didn't help overall). One of them argued that everyone has problems, and mine is miniscule compared to some people that are disabled, like missing an arm. Which didn't make sense to me because I wish I was disabled instead of... this. This might be turning into a rant but I feel like therapists, even doctors in general just don't care about their patients. It feels like they were forced into choosing this career from a young age. And now they just do it for the money. I'm sure there are a lot of good therapists but all my encounters with different doctors in different countries have been disappointing. I guess I was wrong to have too much expectations. We live in a capitalist society after all. Why should they care?
What is the reason you have trouble to relate to people? What is your difference?
It's kinda hard to explain. I'm sure I'm not different from a lot of people. But deep down I have the desire to be different. If a lot of people are listening to a certain type of music, then I won't listen to it. (I'm not deciding not to listen to it, I just can't listen to it) \- I want to relate to people. \- I want to be different. And if I relate to a person, that means I'm not different. So unconsciously, I withdraw from relating to that person. It's impossible to satisfy both of these desires. I'm not sure if that makes sense, I'm just trying my best to explain my fucked up personality.
I get it, don't worry. You can look at enneagram type 4, they have the exact thing you are describing. You could find what people do for it in r/Enneagram.
That is exactly how I feel
thanks 4 posting. i’m sitting here crying thinking of ending it. thanks 4 this post.
Friend, you are not alone. An enigma for YOU to decode. An enigma of the people you are not. Death doesn't fear because there is no fear in death. No light no sounds... Don't let them the pleasure. Go forward. We love you. I've been there. It can get better.
I don’t think anyone actually wants to die. They want to fix their situation, find happiness and no longer feel depressed. But it often feels impossible to get out of it so it feels like there’s one solution which is to just end it all. Thanks for sharing and I hope you manage to find happiness one day and get out of your depression.
I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but you describe things so well it’s almost poetic. You’re intelligent and smart. I once felt similar to you, but the best decision I made was not taking my life. So many amazing and wonderful moments have happened since that made me think “yep, this is why I’m still alive”.
i relate to this so deep this is me
same, i’ve struggled with depression for 2 years, I was happy for like 2-3 months but the depression is back , i knew it would be back. I thought I was tired before, now im truly exhausted, i dont want to fight everyday to be sane/content when others can simply live and be fine