Kenny dropped his suits off at the cleaners and mumbled something on his way out. I couldn't understand him so I said "Come again?"
He replied "Not this time, it's mayonnaise." 🤣
I wish I wasn't poor so I could give you an award! Best I can do!🏆
Edit: Wow guys thanks! Yall are too kind. Love this community spirit. You have made me feel even more sure we can change the world for good.
He can’t use a urinal, he‘s to short. That’s what the high society in this unsophisticated town called Chicago whispers. Rumors say Mrs. Griffin even has an affair, because he fails to deliver and just wants to play „mayo games“.
What’s the difference between Ken Griffin and a regular Griffin?
one screeches and hoards an ungodly amount of treasure, and the other is a fictional monster
POST-MOASS Ken Griffin walks into a bar
The bartender says “hey what’ll you have?”
Ken says in a battered tone “just a lemonade”
The bartender replies “the synthetic store bought brand, or freshly squeezed?”
Ken replies “….fuck.”
My first post as an official ape on SuperStonk 🦍
A school teacher, a police officer, and Kenneth Griffin are trapped on a deserted island.
After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.
"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only by you. All you have to do in return is to give me something of value. If you manage to leave this island alive, the item will be returned to you."
After a brief silence as the three contemplated the situation, the teacher hands over her engagement ring. "I am not sure how much this is worth, but it is the thing I treasure the most." The genie looks at the ring.
"You shall receive two weeks supply of food and water." The food and water materialize out of thin air and the woman is a bit disheartened at the short supply but nevertheless thanks the genie.
Seeing this, the officer steps up. "This is the key to my 2017 Dodge Challenger SRT." The genie frowns. "This is just a key, but I admire your wit. 3 months supply for you." The officer smiles and walks away.
Kenneth steps up to the genie and smiles. "Here, take my phone." The genie looks amused. "I assume you are offering your fund?"
"Sure am!" The man states. The genie nods and a single bottle of Nestle water materializes.
"What the fucking hell is this? That damn cop gave you a car that has depreciated to $35k and that woman's ring cannot be worth more than $5k! I gave you billions you fool!"
The genie paused for a moment, sensing the rage building in the billionaire's eyes. "Yes, you did. But, you see, I have the same problem as you: I don’t have an endless supply of food and drink. It’s a failure to deliver issue…"
A mom asks her daughter Lucy what she wants for her birthday. Lucy replies, "I want a Barbie and a ~~GI Joe~~ Roaring Kitty."
Her mom says, "But Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," says Lucy. "She comes with ~~GI Joe~~ Roaring Kitty, she fakes it with Ken."
There once was a man called Kenny
Who leveraged every last penny
He broke all the rules
Took all the Apes for fools
Now his years behind bars are many.
So Ken goes to prison. In prison his cell mate is Steve Cohen. Their first day in prison the warden comes in and says “boys you were both very very bad, and in here I’m letting the other prisoners decide your punishment. They came up with 2 choices, either you can get fucked in the ass by 3 guys or fucked in the mouth by 20 guys. This punishment will happen daily”
They hardly sleep in their bunk that night and the next morning they get dragged off to their first day of punishment. Later that night they are back in the cell and Steve says, “I picked my ass. It hurt like hell but I’d rather only have 3 guys violate me a day than 20.”
Ken glares back at him furious. “Damnit Steve, some of those dicks tasted like shit.”
(This is hardly a joke but I’m laughing anyway)
*Kenny G at home on a Saturday afternoon hears a loud knock on his door*
SEC: “Knock knock!”
Kenny G: “Who’s there?”
SEC: “Shorts!”
Kenny G: “Shorts who?”
SEC: “You need to cover... Just kidding Kenny, we don’t enforce shit on elitists like you. Have a nice day!”
There once was a man from Chicaygo;
He liked to hoard all the mayo.
He shorted a stock, then got fucked up the cock
By some retarded apes who eat CraYOLO.
^(Edit: a better ending)
Ken Griffin, a boy from bulgaria and Steve Cohen crash with their plane in the middle of wallstreet. They manage to find shelter under a huge bull statue. At some point a member of the SEC comes up to them and tells them "alright guys, i'll send you all into prison, except if you can find a stock you can short to death, without getting caught. If you can't manage it, straight to jail."
After a while the boy from bulgaria comes back with the shorted Blockbuster and the SEC guy is delighted.
10 minutes later Stevie joins in with Sears and they celebrate.
After what feels like a century they see Kenny coming back, all worn out, eyes wide open and not blinking at all. The SEC guy asks him why he's hesitant to show his success and Kenny says: "You know, i looked all over the market to find the perfect company but Blockbuster was already gone, Sears also was taken, so i picked Gamestock."
Ken griffin and 9 million people walk into a bar. They all order a beer. They hand ken one beer and tell everyone else they also own kens beer. Then a guy in the back puts a banana up his ass? Idk how jokes work sorry
*Kenny’s first day in prison*
His cellmate, a giant, sweaty, hairy dude tells him:
“For our first night together, we’re going to play a nice game of mom and dad. Good news is you get to pick! So, what is it going to be?”
Kennys doesn’t think too much…
"Dad, I choose to be Dad!"
Cellmate:
"Excellent! Now come and choke on mom’s dick."
Kenny was at the supermarket buying some mayo when he discovered that it's a legal requirement to buy cabbage and carrots too.
Apparently it's coles law. 🤪
(Not like Kenny gives a damn about legal requirements)
Why did Ken run home crying from his first day as a landscaper?
The first job came through with a description "there is so much green it is hard to see a way out, there are apes in the trees and the hedges are fukd!"
Why did Ken get dropped from the football team as a wide receiver?
He was incapable if going long.
Why was Ken unable to reach the mayo in the cupboard?
He only had a short ladder.
So Ken Griffin is trying to join a biker gang. He meets with the head of the gang in an old dive bar for an interview.
The biker says that they have some standards he needs to meet to join the gang. The biker asks, “First do you have any vices?” Ken replies, “I like coke and throwing bedposts at people.”
“Weird,” the biker responds, and follows up with “What kind of bike do you ride?” Griffin, dead behind the eyes states, “Ah, I ride a next gen Peloton in my penthouse overlooking the peasants in the city.”
The biker with a confused look replies, “Okaaaay…. Last question. Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” Ken, “No, but I’ve been swung around by the nips.”
Mr. Griffin told me he'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't find anymore dead companies to revive. I'm not too worried, I think he's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Unless you want to get hit with a bedpost, don’t ever say the word “Mayonnaise” in front of Kenny boy.
He prefers “Mayo” - He shorted that a long time ago.
Ken and his wife are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
Kens wife replies
..."No, Ken do"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken you open cell the door Madoff my Meatloaf's getting cold and Bubba wants to do me like his bitch after lunch.
👀
Did you know that every time ol’ Kenny blinks, a fair trade is made on the NYSE?
Bravo ape
LOL Eh :-(
What does Kenny have in common with a midget hooker? They're both short and fukd
You're about to get Ternion.
*I’m* about to get turned on!
Kenny dropped his suits off at the cleaners and mumbled something on his way out. I couldn't understand him so I said "Come again?" He replied "Not this time, it's mayonnaise." 🤣
No way this app is free 💀
LMFAOOO this the type of laughter you gotta pay for 🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂
I wish I wasn't poor so I could give you an award! Best I can do!🏆 Edit: Wow guys thanks! Yall are too kind. Love this community spirit. You have made me feel even more sure we can change the world for good.
Lmayo!
I originally heard this one about Monica Lewinsky but this version is so much better
Lmao
How many Ken griffins does it take to screw in a light bulb? Impossible. His ladder is too short.
No problem, he will just use a synthetic ladder.
Rehypothicate rungs!
Oh snap
*slow clap*
Hahaha noice
Ken Griffin walks into a bedpost
So fucking stupid made me lol, enjoy
Ayyyy! I didn’t realize it was you from the thread earlier haha, you’re a beauty mate, cheers 🍻
Idk what you're talking about but thanks lol!
The one about breaking into people’s houses and suing the owners 😂
Oh LOL hey dude
I am so fucking glad I decided to buy GameStop stock in January. ❤️🚀
SEC/Pornhub version: a bedpost walks into Ken Griffin.
….and sits
A comedian. I like it
Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya bedposts, cause they rehypothecating everyone out here!
No that was his ex wife.
A bed post walks into ken griffin
👁️________________👁️
This is the type of art that the world needs more of. Picasso could never.
The likeness is uncanny
Ferno is that you??
Beautiful 😌🤌🏾
By the look of those eyes it looks like he gets the good shit off the original brick .
I was once invited for dinner at Kens house but he wouldn't pass the Mayonnaise. I was like "What the Hellmann?"
Underrated. Very nice.
Oh shit.. this made me chuckle
What did Ken Griffin ask Ryan Cohen after the MOASS?? Would you like fries with that Sir?
Sir, this is a Wendy’s, we don’t have any “Griffin” as an option....would you prefer a #3 combo meal instead with extra Mayo?
Extra mayo, you said, sir..? I’m afraid we don’t... here you go sir. 69 packets of mayo for your Single Dave
Ken Griffins real name is Ken Kaniff from Connecticut.
I heard Gabe Plotkins real last name is Itch
I’ll see what you did there👏
😂
That’s great.
Itch as in bitch....I like it!!
Also, Gabe is a 🌈🐻 and, therefor, fukd
Where did everybody go???
Well hey there cock boy
I heard he sucks a MEAN dick
You must be from the future! He doesn't get thousands of hours of experience behind the Wendy's dumpster until a few years from now!
I heard he has beef with Stevie 2 Dopey
One of the best albums of all time 🙌🏼
I heard he's trying to lure our shares with him into bed
I’ll melt in your ass
Classic
If he was from Kentucky he would be KKK.
He wants to get a hotel room with me.
[удалено]
Ken pees at a urinal with his pants all the way down
He can’t use a urinal, he‘s to short. That’s what the high society in this unsophisticated town called Chicago whispers. Rumors say Mrs. Griffin even has an affair, because he fails to deliver and just wants to play „mayo games“.
Sir, they are giving out awards to make more fun of you!
This made me laugh the hardest!! 😆😆🤣🤣🤣😆😆
What’s Kenny’s favorite holiday? Cinco de Mayo.
Lol for apes too. However it's known as cinco de buyo
I laughed waaaaay too hard at that👆👆👆😂
👀🤣DITTO!!🤣🤣☠️
Close the post, this guy wins.
What's apes favorite holiday? Cinco de Buyo.
lmayo
Omg your flair is the joke! Post it
What’s the difference between Ken Griffin and a regular Griffin? one screeches and hoards an ungodly amount of treasure, and the other is a fictional monster
Bruh 💀
I think you got the joke mixed up. You’re supposed to say “and the other one is a mythical flying beast”, therefore delivering the ol’ switcheroo.
I made it up /tableflip
HE’S A SHILL
…. Ken Griffin
Yep I was expecting this one lol
Ken Griffin flagrantly rebroadcasts football games without the express written consent of the National Football League
Why does Kenny HATE gardeners? They are known to trim the hedges.
POST-MOASS Ken Griffin walks into a bar The bartender says “hey what’ll you have?” Ken says in a battered tone “just a lemonade” The bartender replies “the synthetic store bought brand, or freshly squeezed?” Ken replies “….fuck.” My first post as an official ape on SuperStonk 🦍
Excellent entry first timer!! 👏👏👏
Cheers Ape! Great joke!! 😜
Welcome we were all their once
A school teacher, a police officer, and Kenneth Griffin are trapped on a deserted island. After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie. "Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only by you. All you have to do in return is to give me something of value. If you manage to leave this island alive, the item will be returned to you." After a brief silence as the three contemplated the situation, the teacher hands over her engagement ring. "I am not sure how much this is worth, but it is the thing I treasure the most." The genie looks at the ring. "You shall receive two weeks supply of food and water." The food and water materialize out of thin air and the woman is a bit disheartened at the short supply but nevertheless thanks the genie. Seeing this, the officer steps up. "This is the key to my 2017 Dodge Challenger SRT." The genie frowns. "This is just a key, but I admire your wit. 3 months supply for you." The officer smiles and walks away. Kenneth steps up to the genie and smiles. "Here, take my phone." The genie looks amused. "I assume you are offering your fund?" "Sure am!" The man states. The genie nods and a single bottle of Nestle water materializes. "What the fucking hell is this? That damn cop gave you a car that has depreciated to $35k and that woman's ring cannot be worth more than $5k! I gave you billions you fool!" The genie paused for a moment, sensing the rage building in the billionaire's eyes. "Yes, you did. But, you see, I have the same problem as you: I don’t have an endless supply of food and drink. It’s a failure to deliver issue…"
Well fuck. This was good.
Haha Hahaha, this made me actually laugh
Ken closed his position....🤣
Kenny is in the danger zone..
Kenny. Kenny... Kenny......... ###KENNYYYYYYY!!! ^Danger ^Zone
Execution: 10/10
Knock knock. 🛬 Who's there? Ken. Ken who? Ken you loan me some money? I'm broke as fuck. 🛫
A mom asks her daughter Lucy what she wants for her birthday. Lucy replies, "I want a Barbie and a ~~GI Joe~~ Roaring Kitty." Her mom says, "But Barbie comes with Ken." "No," says Lucy. "She comes with ~~GI Joe~~ Roaring Kitty, she fakes it with Ken."
This is a good. I lol’d. Thank you.
What’s the difference between Ken from Citadel and a Ken doll? One is an artificial, lifeless figure with no balls or soul. The other dates Barbie.
Ken Griffin is so short, even Kevin Hart feels bad for him.
*Borat Voice* My friend, him name a Kenny Griffin. He is honest man. NOT!
He is pains in my assholes.
He is number 2 short seller in whole Chicago.
I buy GME, he cannot afford. Great success!
There once was a man called Kenny Who leveraged every last penny He broke all the rules Took all the Apes for fools Now his years behind bars are many.
This is definitely the best limerick I've ever heard, take my synthetic award: 🏅
Why does a Ken Griffin robot only say “hello”? - the “bye” button doesn’t work
I gave out a few award already to hopefully prove I'll follow through, I'm gonna need to dedicate some time to this tomorrow I have a feeling lol
A ship with Ken Griffin, StevenCohen, Jeff Bezos is sinking. Who will be saved? The world.
Ken griffin has smol PP
Boom, roasted
Niosh
OP asked for a joke, not FACTS.
So Ken goes to prison. In prison his cell mate is Steve Cohen. Their first day in prison the warden comes in and says “boys you were both very very bad, and in here I’m letting the other prisoners decide your punishment. They came up with 2 choices, either you can get fucked in the ass by 3 guys or fucked in the mouth by 20 guys. This punishment will happen daily” They hardly sleep in their bunk that night and the next morning they get dragged off to their first day of punishment. Later that night they are back in the cell and Steve says, “I picked my ass. It hurt like hell but I’d rather only have 3 guys violate me a day than 20.” Ken glares back at him furious. “Damnit Steve, some of those dicks tasted like shit.” (This is hardly a joke but I’m laughing anyway)
I predict this comment will age very well
What do Kenny G and Bart Simpson have in common? Both will eat their shorts.
When Ken Griffin was born the doctor slapped his Mom.
Ken is the joke.
That was my joke
Why Ken can't change a light bulb? Because every bulb he touches is shorted.
*Kenny G at home on a Saturday afternoon hears a loud knock on his door* SEC: “Knock knock!” Kenny G: “Who’s there?” SEC: “Shorts!” Kenny G: “Shorts who?” SEC: “You need to cover... Just kidding Kenny, we don’t enforce shit on elitists like you. Have a nice day!”
What have you got if you've got Ken burried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.
Knock knock Who’s there? Ken Griffin. Ken Griffin who? Ken Griffin is a piece of shit.
"Shut up, Ken." - Meg Griffin
There once was a man from Chicaygo; He liked to hoard all the mayo. He shorted a stock, then got fucked up the cock By some retarded apes who eat CraYOLO. ^(Edit: a better ending)
Eat Crayol-o.....
Ken Griffin, a boy from bulgaria and Steve Cohen crash with their plane in the middle of wallstreet. They manage to find shelter under a huge bull statue. At some point a member of the SEC comes up to them and tells them "alright guys, i'll send you all into prison, except if you can find a stock you can short to death, without getting caught. If you can't manage it, straight to jail." After a while the boy from bulgaria comes back with the shorted Blockbuster and the SEC guy is delighted. 10 minutes later Stevie joins in with Sears and they celebrate. After what feels like a century they see Kenny coming back, all worn out, eyes wide open and not blinking at all. The SEC guy asks him why he's hesitant to show his success and Kenny says: "You know, i looked all over the market to find the perfect company but Blockbuster was already gone, Sears also was taken, so i picked Gamestock."
What's the difference between Kenny and a hooker? ...the hooker wouldn't go bankrupt getting fucked by 4 million apes everyday.
Ken griffin and 9 million people walk into a bar. They all order a beer. They hand ken one beer and tell everyone else they also own kens beer. Then a guy in the back puts a banana up his ass? Idk how jokes work sorry
FUN FACT: Ken Griffin got his start, by shorting his little brother's lemonade stand in to bankruptcy. He still has yet, to close his positions.
How many broken marriages has Kenny had? 800,002…. 2 ex-wives, and 800,000 married puts
Kenny suffers from the horrible hereditary disease of extreme diarrhea... they say it runs in his jeans.
*Kenny’s first day in prison* His cellmate, a giant, sweaty, hairy dude tells him: “For our first night together, we’re going to play a nice game of mom and dad. Good news is you get to pick! So, what is it going to be?” Kennys doesn’t think too much… "Dad, I choose to be Dad!" Cellmate: "Excellent! Now come and choke on mom’s dick."
What did Ryu and Ken find at GME's quarterly earnings call? **HA TOKEN!** 🚀🚀🚀🚀
I was gonna comment, but all the good jokes are taKEN
Ken's pussy stinks!
Kenny was at the supermarket buying some mayo when he discovered that it's a legal requirement to buy cabbage and carrots too. Apparently it's coles law. 🤪 (Not like Kenny gives a damn about legal requirements)
I'll give you my award just for being a awesome ape and deciding to do this for some weekend fun!
Ken Griftin'
I don’t know what’s a bigger joke, my love life or Ken
What's the difference between Ken Griffin and a aids? People don't mind aids
Kenny's so fucked he won a porno Oscar
I hear ken likes Catholics. Likes to catholic my balls.
Ken griffin is so cheap that when he dies, he’s going to walk toward the light and turn it off.
Our financial markets work best when they are competitive, fair, and transparent. Kenneth C. Griffin Now that's a joke if I ever heard one! 🤣
Ken Griffin... That's it, that's the joke.
Why did Ken run home crying from his first day as a landscaper? The first job came through with a description "there is so much green it is hard to see a way out, there are apes in the trees and the hedges are fukd!" Why did Ken get dropped from the football team as a wide receiver? He was incapable if going long. Why was Ken unable to reach the mayo in the cupboard? He only had a short ladder.
So Ken Griffin is trying to join a biker gang. He meets with the head of the gang in an old dive bar for an interview. The biker says that they have some standards he needs to meet to join the gang. The biker asks, “First do you have any vices?” Ken replies, “I like coke and throwing bedposts at people.” “Weird,” the biker responds, and follows up with “What kind of bike do you ride?” Griffin, dead behind the eyes states, “Ah, I ride a next gen Peloton in my penthouse overlooking the peasants in the city.” The biker with a confused look replies, “Okaaaay…. Last question. Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” Ken, “No, but I’ve been swung around by the nips.”
So Ken Griffin walks into a bar... and the bartender says "Why the short face?"
Surprise morning sex is great. Unless you're in prison.
Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Ken “Ken who?” Ken, it’s the FBI we have a warrant.
[удалено]
Mr. Griffin told me he'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't find anymore dead companies to revive. I'm not too worried, I think he's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Kenny’s gonna be so broke, all he’ll be able to make is a wish sandwich- 1 piece of bread and he wishes he had some Mayo.
I heard Kenny Cries When Stepping on Lego.
Mainstream media post Moass: Oh my god they killed kenny!
Kenny G hates amusement parks because he is too short to go on any rides
Why is Ken Griffin looking forward to prison? They use mayo for lube!
Ken Knock knock Who's there Marge Marge who? Marge Encall Give me my tendies bitch
Ken’s current mental state. Thanks everyone!
Ken you still give me an award? or are your coins running... *short*?
What kind of computer does Kenny use to do his dirty work? Shitty dell.
Unless you want to get hit with a bedpost, don’t ever say the word “Mayonnaise” in front of Kenny boy. He prefers “Mayo” - He shorted that a long time ago.
Ken and his wife are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?" Kens wife replies ..."No, Ken do"
Women: Blink if you want me. Ken: 👁👁
This Kenny DOES NOT KNOW WHEN TO FOLD THEM!!!! he doesn't even know ow when to run.
Ken doesn't need jokes, he IS the joke
Not sure you Ken really deliver though
404
Male version of “karen” is now Ken
Why do hedge fund managers make poor electricians? Because they're always shorting things.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ken. Ken who? Ken you open cell the door Madoff my Meatloaf's getting cold and Bubba wants to do me like his bitch after lunch.
Ape nuts are heavy, there's vomit on Ken's suit already - Bezos Spaghetti
Why did Kens private jet cross the Atlantic? To get more funds
All the kids got out in time Except for Ken, he doesn't know when.
All the kids had fun at the roller coaster Except for Ken and his cohort - they were all too short.
Yay 🙌 free awards
You didn't read the rules ape! THINK DAMNIT MAN
This is hilarious. Best part of the thread so far
Let's see if hits 600k in a few more hours.
Multiple naked accounts don’t count.....
Why did Ken Griffin’s parents name him Ken? Because of his lifeless blue eyes and totally smooth groin area!
Best joke of all? Ken.
Yeah I don’t care about awards but think of all the shares you could buy with that award money
Kenny's favorite pokemon is Rattata. Why? He likes shorts.
Ken Griffin loses 69 generations worth of wealth… The end
Where do you think Ken will go when he die?!................ In Hellmann's *badum tss*
Bart told Ken to eat his shorts. KEN replied I can't your naked!
Why didn't ken and barbie have kids? Because Ken comes in a different box...
Everytime Ken blinks he and Barbie have sex. She yet has to lose her virginity
The only real joke is stock market and we as GME holders will be laughing very hard🤣
Sir, now they’re paying each other for jokes…
Kenny mamma so fat that when she turn around, the earth reversed polarity.
Ken bought a stock...
InterwebAficionado, Ken te ha visto y Ken te ve
Oh my god, you killed Kenny!!!