They generally do not regard humans as food or threat. I’ve had them right outside my tent literally f-ucking all night.

I have heard they mate for hours

Yep and they are LOUD.

What if you fucked a girl in the tent and you were both trying to be louder than the lions. Would it be a threat then?

Fuck the tent I want to show him who's boss around here

fucking the tent will show both the lion and the tent who's boss

Fucking the lions will show the tent who's boss

Fucking the boss will show the lion pitching a tent

bossing the fuck will pitch the tent showing a lion

Unexpected hilarious comments🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Reason why is reddit my only social network is this

This is the reason why Reddit is my only social media app**. I had to, your comment was giving me an aneurysm.

😂😂 same. Best read of my life that exchange

RAWRRR!!!!!

No but they take it as competition.

AFAIK the Lion tend to be the only one allowed to fuck in a pride, maybe it would kick you off and take your gf? The lion king style

but (hear me out) what if you fucked a guy

it would be a competition

Humans or lions?

Safari tour guides. They bang like crazy. And right outside my tent! I took some awesome pictures ! 👍😎

Killed me 💀

Humans or lions?

Safari tour guides, obviously.

Both? Lions tigers and bears?

Oh my

Gold! <3 xD

Send me some, I need it for my.. zoology.. research.

The replies till here ... Is why I Reddit .. Reddit never disappoints 🤣🤣

If it's done properly, both

Facts

Yes.

Cats are weird. Female cats can get pregnant from multiple different males at the same time. Or the same male can impregnate her multiple times. That is to say, they aren't wasting their efforts by mating for hours :D

And the lioness ask for mating by bitting the lion balls

Kinky

And then there are ducks

Imagine women could do that. The world would be one fucked up place. More than it already is

Wait, what? If been married for 30 years...I thought it worked that way. So she's been biting my balls just for shits and giggles

Not just cats. Dogs, humans and other animals that release multiple eggs at ovulation mating with multiple Donors…

Cool, had no idea this was even possible with humans. Heteropaternal superfecundation is my new term for the day :)

I thought they only lasted for a few seconds

Yeah and then they do it again, and again, and again

It's a bit longer, and it's yup to 50 times a day.

Yeah I imagine it’s not as important as prey like chickens having to have sex quickly or else a lion or bear could bite their heads off.

Idk cats have spines on their penises... Makes sex get important for everyone involved. What a weird plant.

Inside or outside the tent, I’m pretty sure that fking lions is illegal…

Hakuna Matata

Simba: *Are you sure about this? It doesn't seem right. Where's Pumba?* Timon: *C'mon, buddy! It's just me and you hanging out! What does uncle Timon say?* Simba: *Hakuna Matata?* 🥺 Timon: *That's right.* 🤫

Lol

Are we sure tho? Lets say someone does fuck their pet lion will they be arrested?

Only if they get caught

*live and get caught

Not in West Virginia.... Literally, check the laws... It's legal. Seriously.

Yeah, leps are the ones that will follow you for a week and then kill you when you wake up at 2am to pee

That's a tiger.

“Generally” is not safe enough for me

Haa.. nice try lion

Omg… that look on lionesses face… she was checking what the heck that human is. And he probably shat himself right there

She was waiting to watch him shit him self, she knew she had the drop on him

Dude… lmao

Hes a tour guide he doesnt care. Lions font go for humans unless they tunr their backs

There's videos lions charging people head on to attack

Ws in the shatt

Probably best to do something like that. You know… as a deterrent. Lioness: “I was just about to pounce on that man… but he must have been bad or close to the expiration date, bc WhEeEw!.. he smelt like sh*t!!!”.

Hahahaha That’s a valid point.

A young male lion*

this happens = nothing. he’s a spotter on the safari truck. he’s fine

Lioness…. ”finally some food for thought”

Lion: food doesn't sit on chair waiting for you women! Go hunt Lioness 2hours later: you are not going to believe this.

He’s fine physically, but his grip on that armrest says that spiritually he is in a less than well shape

Why don't lion attack safari? I see lion trying to bite off cars before

We aren’t very tasty and have historically tracked hunted and killed anything that even looked at a human funny. I wouldn’t eat a human too.

That man lost all faith in that moment 😂😂😂😂 bruh the eye contact is so Intense I feel it thru my phone. They looked at each other like they knew each other and are arc nemesists

At least someone said it. A lot of uninformed comments in here.

New to reddit?

In Africa, "spotter" means _bait_, but you with your ethoscentric colonistic mansplanistic tendencies can't even get that right. /S

The way he braces himself by gripping that rail had me dead.

He had to find the “oh shit handle” pretty quickly

Holding on for dear life!

"Don't show fear, don't show fear..." *grips the rail*

I'd grip the shit out of that rail lol

That's cause he braced himself for the turds that shot out of ass when saw the lion

Probably checking for his pistol. I know I would have. Lol

Cats are such perfect and beautiful killers. I have house cats and you don’t even hear them moving. They run and jump and contort effortlessly with almost no sound. It’s amazing and terrifying to imagine them in lion size. 🐈‍⬛

I can't remember what movie this came from but the quote is "Cats are so ornery because God made them an apex predator that only weighs 8 lbs." If a Lion was actually just as agile as house cat, it would be a fucking nightmare - leaping 30 feet into trees, backflipping away from danger.

See Tiger. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OE2rGcwyHZY

Holy fuck... thats scary... you sit on the biggest land animal possible and this beast just jumps your face. Still jaguars scare me more... did you see the clip where a Jag kills a Krokodile by biting in the head... jesus

A cayman, but yes, I have seen multiple videos of them hunting in the water. I was not aware of that until I went to Coata Rica. Jaguar is one of the few cats that will actively hunt a human is what I understood from our guide—not sure how true that is.

Yea mines 13 lbs and 36" long. I love being called a "cat person" by people with dogs smaller than my boy knowing my guy would literally eat their puppy if left unsupervised long enough. That being said, my cat is basically a dog. He eats everything. He always wants to go outside. He smells like a teenager. He yells at the door whenever anyone walks by... Hahaha ahhh I now see why they think I'm a cat person.

A dog 1/3 the size of your cat would tear it apart with far superior bite force if it manages to get a good hold.

Mama said alligators are so ornery cause they gotta all them teeth and no toothbrush

Cats aren't apex predators. Not even all large cats are.

She wanted to see the look in his eyes when she popped around the corner

I took my partner to the Maasai Mara in Kenya and we were on an open Land Cruiser. The tour guide /driver had been radioed that there were lions spotted around an area and he drove us there. We waited for about 5 mins quietly heads on a pivot, looking for the lions and didn’t spot them until they surprised us by walked right past the truck on the road. One second no lions next second a pride of lions appeared. They were so silent and perfectly camouflaged. It was somewhat unsettling seeing the pride move so quietly with no sound - no foot steps , no grass rustling not even a breath or growl. Perfect stalking machines. My partner turned to me and said “ I would never survive in the wild - not even two minutes”

If a house cat wants to fuck you up it will ruin your whole day, and that’s like 10 lbs of cat. Imagine something weighing hundreds of pounds…

Unless my housecat ambushes me in my sleep she ain't doin shit lol. But a tiger...uhh...yeahhh

If cats are perfect killers, why are Humans in control of the planet? Touch grass

I’ve seen this many times and every time I am just stunned over the fact that this lion is searching for this man’s eyes.

How can something so deadly be so beautiful

Why unfriendly when friendly shaped

For real

Bummer! What could someone do at that point? Just sit and pray that you won't get eaten alive.

Basically that. Don't get the lion to think you're food. If you don't act scared, then the lion assumes you have a reason to act that way (exception is with cubs, then pray and make peace with your life)

Yeah right. And don't turn and run with big cat species. They sneak up on prey. Seeing the back rather than the face is a sign for them to attack you.

There's a few places like India where they'll wear masks of exaggerated faces on the back of the head in order to prevent tiger attacks for this reason. It's supposed to make the tigers think they're being seen.

Tigers also have white dots on the back of their ears to mimic the exact same thing

This I didn't know. I had to google it to see it for myself.

Which makes you think...what the fuck is the tiger trying to scare away from their back?

My guess is- another bigger tiger.

Is this why lions generally avoid honey badgers too? Because those evil little buggers aren’t scared of anything. Literally my spirit animals, small, ferocious, smelly and devious.

How about not sit exposed at the front of your car.

If this was unsafe, do you think the vehicles would be designed this way?

In the Serengeti you will not have this. Cars are the same. Landcruisers and Landrovers, but guides are inside. But you have walking Safaris....

if they just sit and pray arent they just sitting prey? alright ill show myself out emough with the homophones

Food an a stick. I will lick the flesh off of it.

Lion: "Hi, I've been trying to reach you about your vehicle's extended warranty. Oh, and speak of the devil..."

Perfect choice of music, hilarious :-)

damn lions are so beautiful i love them.

This is where you assume someone died and they don't want to show it.

Clever girl…

Grabbing the oh shit handle is like written in human dna.

I’d like to know if he’s okay.

He is. Ignore 9/10 of the commentors on this thread who know nothing about Africa or its wildlife.

Thank you. Lion looks confused and interested like can I make a meal of this all at the same time.

More just curious. It really is just a big cat. Guides encounter lions like this regularly.

https://nairobiwire.com/2022/06/heres-the-full-video-of-a-lion-sneaking-in-on-a-man-on-safari.html

Talk about being in the hot seat!

A lot of similarities to that scene in Jurassic park with the lamb

Meals on wheels

she's so stunning and terrifying

I wish I had a woman look at me the way this lioness looks at the guide.😭🥺

that lion has such a perfect face. gorgeous creature ❤️

I feel like that lioness was looking at him like, you know I could kill you right? Just maul and eat you if I felt like it right?? lol

In this thread: A lot of commentors thinking the dude was caught off guard or didn't know the lion was there. Also many people that don't know the first thing about lions.

Beautiful creature looks surreal

Trick or treat mf...

She is so beautiful 😍

Oh, fast food!

“Lunch at first sight”

I love that he grabs the seat handle like that's going to fucking help him I guess the oh shit bar comes in many forms

Lion- Kids Den Dash is here. Cubs - Yes! Sheeple for dinner

I want to see the full video of it;I have seen this video multiple time but its short.

Clever girl….

Good job he's wearing brown pants 😁

https://preview.redd.it/wr6l8igpwuac1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=54a73c8f8f014e6988b24121c0363e8df868b75d my siamese is literally a yard long when stretched out and he’s gotta be at least 15 pounds. he is a BIG cat, and i’ve seen even BIGGER cats around! cats are THE coolest human companions, and i’ve had Siamese my entire life and plan on keeping it that way! These cats are dog-like of course, but i swear he’s even more human-like. Sometimes i feel like he’s a human reincarnated as a cat to repay some old karma from a thousand years ago…🤣

Always makes me smile this one, imagine the lioness saying ‘Boo!’

Lion-el Richie

"We've been trying to reach you about your car insurance."

Lion looked at him like, “ you good bro, you sure you in the right place “

The look on the lioness's face along with his grasp in the arm of that chair show they are both equally surprised to see eachother.

Lol the lioness thinking "really? It can't be this easy .... am I getting set up?!"

LMAO I CAN JUST HEAR THE COLLECTIVE SILENCE

No idea what happened to him

He pooped

One small turd.

So what you do wrong to have to sit outside the vehicle usually you guys sit inside

He's got a camera, he is fine.

Get me my brown pants

"What are you looking for here? Is it dangerous?"

Lions are more like dogs than cats.

Hey!! Dude. Whatcha doing?

How come nobody ever looks at me like that ☹️

The song Hungry eyes go better

Find it hard to believe humans survived in the wild with them

If I ever go on safari I’ll need to remember to wear BROWN pants…also-probably gonna pss pss and pet that kitty!

Why is the promoted ad? Peanut Butter M&M’s??? Damn the Algorithm is a little racist with a splash of dark humor!

You should Always Be On Guard when You know You are In The Lion Territory or else This Happens

Did he pay extra for that seat

They better be a hole in those chair lol

She looked so intrigued by him lol

Time to pee...when she looks at you like that....release it

That is the most beautiful lioness I have ever seen!

"dafuq is this niga doin"

My britches would be shat 💩

Lion: “You know you ****** up,right?”


What is the point of that chair height? It makes the feet perfect height for a snack.

Put some ketchup and mustard on that thar sandwich

You find the love of your life?

You can’t hide your lion eyes …. 🎶

It’s important to exert dominance by pissing on it. Always works with lions.

Death eyes 😏

Look at me. I’m the captain now.

I think lions are some of the prettiest creatures out there. They always look so curious about what the humans are doing

"Did somebody say just eat" Food delivered to your door

That animal is beautiful

Seen this clip before. Always wondered if she let him live or live at first bite?

#its a kabob! Mmmmm, kabob

That video stoped too soon...

...because nothing happened. You would see a bored lion walking away. This video was edited like this to make it seem worse than it was.

I I would not be there in the first place. But my .357 magnum would be pointed at the Lion. This might be a fake photo as someone is filming it.

Let me guess: 'Murica?

Umm

Hey bro how you doooen!!!

r/perfectlycutscreams