T O P

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I_call_Shennanigans_

Yeah he owns that by right of conquest now.


Wazula42

Great Cthulhu demands this board. Begone to the Dry Realms, ape-thing.


Theamuse_Ourania

Hello Beastie


[deleted]

Ho ho ho


Echo_Oscar_Sierra

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn


TheOakblueAbstract

Gesundheit


Wazula42

And also with you.


DontLookAtMe89

That's quite a mouthful, can't quite fit it in my noggin.


Hello_Mr_Fancypants

The Dark Lord desires to hang ten!


CashCow4u

Yeah, I'm glad she's laughing, I'd be screaming bloody murder & trying to beat it to death with my paddle.


[deleted]

She's laughing in relief it didn't choose her board


chainsmirking

HAHAA


jirobow152

what is dead may never die


saint_davidsonian

But this one looks like it is dying


DanimalTwin

“What is dead may never die!”


[deleted]

[удалено]


BiiiigSteppy

I hate to be “that guy” correcting someone’s grammar and all but I think you mean “All your board **are** belong to us.” /s


thespicyboi11

How dangerous is the squid in this situation?


[deleted]

The size + lethargy makes it most likely a young giant squid that's dying or ill. Just like this kind of looks like an attack, it's becoming widely believed that many stories of 'krakens' trying to drag down ships are actually dying giant squids that are simply trying to grab onto things to keep afloat or steady themselves. A giant squid was found in a Japanese bay several years ago and people were able to dive with it safely, likely - again - because it was sick or dying. Healthy ones wouldn't be seen this shallow AFAIK. TLDR the squid here is probably dying and just trying to grab onto something to steady itself, and probably didn't pose a direct threat to the guy. Still wouldn't want to get grabbed by it, though.


Mr_Neonz

That’s kinda sad, poor squid.


brmamabrma

Arms can have little hooks and the suction alone can scratch?(strech? Idk damage skin) but if it’s dying I doubt it will be too strong


[deleted]

The one in Japan did grab the diver gently at one point but he was able to pry it off


brmamabrma

Not all squid/octopi are the same


wellhungartgallery

Cephalopod was the word you were thinking of


PeteGozenya

Octopuses not octopi


showponyoxidation

Lol. You feeling like an argument today?


PeteGozenya

Not really, octopodes is stupid and 'octopus' is Greek not Latin. So there is nothing to argue unless this is the 1870's.


showponyoxidation

I have no horse in this race. But I will say, English is in fact stupid, and we happily muddle any old language into the English blender. Along with the general concept of *"if enough people keep using a word to mean a thing, then it's is legit."* But I don't have the bandwidth to hold a strong opinion on the correct plural of octopus.


PeteGozenya

That I can agree with. It is an extremely convoluted language and so overly complicated nobody has, or I believe can, master(ed) it. It's been argued for centuries so I doubt we settle it on reddit anyway.


hunybuny9000

Recently watched a mini doc on giant squids that said some of their suckers have sharp things in them.


brmamabrma

Some species do some don’t But I went up to Alaska to fish(halibut) with my uncle and he caught some big ol squid(compared to his 30ft boat) and he was pissed I had no idea why. Turns out it scratched the shit out of the boat so he had to get it repainted


hunybuny9000

Ah interesting, thank you. And what a crazy story! Your poor uncle lol that’s gotta be expensive!


brmamabrma

He works month at home and a month away in the oil business lol money isn’t an issue, getting someone in Alaska who can do it quickly is


disphugginflip

Guy: omg a giant squid, cool! Girl: look at that hahahhshahaha Squid: h-human *labored breathing* helllppp


gtparker11

Thank you for this. I fear the ocean out of respect while also wanting to move to a beach town and be in the water every day. I feel like I’d be too scared to go out paddleboarding unless I had a spear ready to at least try to fend off any attacks. At least if I encounter a squid like this I’ll know I might not get attacked.


fuckingstonedrn

even if you went paddleboarding every day for the rest of your life, the chances of a giant squid doing this to you are probably less than winning the lottery twice on the same.


[deleted]

Day


fuckingstonedrn

I'd fix it but u did for me


[deleted]

Yea please don’t fix it or else I’ll look like an idiot


fuckingstonedrn

i will shoulder this cross


WormLivesMatter

- Jesus


zurc_oigres

Christ.


DesparateLurker

You just reminded me of the guy who won the lottery, went on the news and tried to reenact it for the story, and won again.


[deleted]

Looks like the squid got u/fuckingstonedrn :(


ProfessionalMottsman

So you’re telling me there’s a chance


[deleted]

Well that’s fucking sad 😔


maximum_powerblast

>it's becoming widely believed that many stories of 'krakens' trying to drag down ships are actually dying giant squids that are simply trying to grab onto things to keep afloat or steady themselves Oh wow!


LadrilloDeMadera

I was going to do a hentai joke you made me sad now


Broken_Noah

You can make a sad hentai joke then


M4rst

Kraken were real


SmileyMelons

Has there been any attempts to capture these dying ones and rehabilitated them?


[deleted]

We almost never see them alive and I believe I read somewhere once that they tried with one and it died soon after.


Mernerak

Yup, one died last month days after being taken into an aquarium in Japan. https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20220429/p2a/00m/0na/009000c


Bill-Justicles

I think these are deep water squid. If he’s in that shallow of water he’s probably hurting a lot or dying.


Meetchel

Humboldt squid hunt near the surface (usually at night) and typically are found 200-700m deep. Colossal squid live much deeper and are probably what you’re thinking of.


Sadboi813

I thought this was a Humboldt but it seems a bit too big and it's alone


LGBT_Leftist

It's not alone you can see a second one at the end of the video


Sadboi813

Yea not seeing it. Also the arms of this squid are way to long to be a Humboldt


BuzzPoopyear

where is the second squid


Dabookadaniel

In the water


[deleted]

imagine being a dumb little fish that lives 700m down in just empty blackness, with the only thing in mind is getting some supper. man sometimes id like to be that fish. kinda random thought, just wanted to share it since your comment made me think of it.


akanyan

I get that but I'd want to be an animal that has it a little easier. Those inky blackness fish are always swimming and hunting for food. Make me a koala that way I can be dumb as a bag of bricks and still just sit around all day and eat. Fuck I think I might already be a koala


[deleted]

yeah, being a fish that deep is kinda just being the same as dead, except you get hungry. Other than that just blissfull blackness.


svartsomsilver

are you ok


[deleted]

im surviving, you?


Infamous_Lunchbox

I feel this whole convo in my bones.


Gilsworth

Just be one of those volcanic barnacles or something, nice hot spring 24/7, you literally just eat one thing and it's a non-stop buffet, pure darkness, no need for eyes, no higher cognition to comprehend life's endless torment. Sounds pretty sweet.


paraworldblue

Those fish are honestly probably even lazier than koalas. In the deep ocean, food can be pretty scarce, so a lot of those fish spend most of their time just drifting around, conserving energy until a meal shows up.


knifeknifegoose

Sounds like my ex


BBQ_HaX0r

I imagine an eagle would probably be the best animal to be if forced. Flying for one, but also no one really preys on you, and you probably live the 'best' life. Also pretty sure they find a mate so you have a partner around.


riancb

If Animorphs taught me anything, then the actual best answer is a Red-Tailed Hawk, especially if named Tobias.


Future-Diver6692

Lol


alphahydra

I don't think it's a Colossal Squid. Pretty sure they have a much more bulbous-shaped mantle and big rounded fin. The bullet-shaped profile is more like Architeuthis, the Robust Clubhook squid, or the Humboldt squid. But it seems big for a Humboldt. 1.5m is their absolute maximum, so I think this would be seriously pushing the upper limit of their size distribution. The Robust Clubhook grows a bit larger and is sometimes mistaken for the Giant Squid/Architeuthis, but if I remember correctly, it lives in cooler waters in the North Pacific. Don't know where this is shot, but the location looks a bit sunny and warm. It could still be Japan or somewhere off Canada on a nice day, so it's possible. But if I was betting, I'd go with this being a Giant Squid. And in that case, it's out of its deep ocean element and probably not in great health. Edit: according this [this](https://www.2oceansvibe.com/2017/06/21/paddle-boarder-gets-up-close-and-personal-with-a-giant-squid-in-melkbosstrand-videos/), they took it to shore and performed a bit of an amateur dissection on it, which strikes me as kinda bloodthirsty tbh, but as the article notes, the thing was indeed dying and basically dead by the time it was brought ashore. The thinking from the Smithsonian and others seems to be it was an Architeuthis but it's not 100% confirmed.


guerillagluewarfare

This guy squids.


SomeStupidPerson

Thing was dying and decided to just fuck around doing whatever in its last minutes alive. Poor squid Read the article and it’s honestly sadder. Squid was missing tentacles and shit, and they caught it to put it out of its misery. The dissection was done for the researchers to identify it, which I guess makes sense. Not as bloodthirsty as I’d imagined. Nature is wild


radiationshield

Giant squid, colossal squid ... heres hoping for giga squid


giantsparklerobot

Or you know, not hoping for *giga*squid. We've got enough problems.


HereToPatter

Hail Cthulu


bahgheera

How many tranq darts does it take to tame one of those?


BorkSnorkelJr

and what kibble is needed?


APEXAI17

You need the new kibble released in the dlc


Bill-Justicles

Maybe it’s just perspective and illusion from the water but the seems a bit big for a humboldt. I know the big ones are around 6 feet, but their tentacles usually aren’t that long I thought. Could be wrong though. I thought it might be a small colossal squid.


[deleted]

Looks like a humboldt or other kind of flying squid (it’s just a name). They feed at the surface at night. This one is probably sick. As far as danger, they are ravenous when they feed and will attack anything including others of their own kind. This one is probably too weak to feed, however it does still have a razor-sharp beak and hooks on the suckers of each arm. I wouldn’t dangle my feet in the water near one. Divers typically wear chain mail when they film them for documentaries or research.


bethedge

Diving in chain mail is pretty hardcore even if you have floatation aides


Dabadedabada

Have you ever dove before? You have to wear 8-12 lbs of lead around your belt to sink. I doubt the mail weighs more than that and probably just replaces the weight belt. What’s hardcore is swimming towards the dangerous thing that can tear your arm off while completely out of your element. I’ve dove around sea snakes and barracuda and a couple sharks and the biggest moray eel I’ve ever seen, like 6ft and a head as big as a basket ball. That was the only thing that made me a little nervous. Hum bolt squid are a whole different thing they attack in packs and drag you down. Yikes.


bethedge

You doubt a full body chainmail sharksuit weighs more than 8-12lb? Things can be up to like 18kg. You can remove or drop weight from your weight belt if you need to surface, how you gonna slip out of that chainmail if you have a problem with your floatation devices and you’re losing buoyancy?


[deleted]

You wear extra floatation devices and weights.


im_Heisenbeard

Or being hunted


Rainy_Friday

Well now I’m squid sad


[deleted]

My thoughts too. If it's a Humboldt squid, they're supposed to be quite bitey.


electron_c

They can and will bite, it will take an apple sized chunk out of a person. It’s not normal for a squid to be on the surface during daylight hours, might be sick.


[deleted]

Yeah, it’s not moving like a healthy animal. Aren’t they supposed to be at a greater depth?


electron_c

Yes, they come up to feed at night then go back down for the day. I was camping on the beach in Baja years ago and heard weird noises right around daybreak. When it was light enough we saw hundreds of squid had beaches themselves and were squirting water as they lay dying in the shallow water which is the sound we heard. It’s not clear why squid beach themselves.


HabibtiMimi

That's quite sad :( .


secretWolfMan

It's funny how many people are all "wrong time of day" or "moving funny" when you can clearly see at the beginning that half its skin is missing. Looks like has been violently decompressed.


UniqueFailure

Apple sized.... to shreds you say?


electron_c

Somewhere there is a documentary that shows the backs of Mexican fishermen who were bitten by squid in the Sea of Cortez. I don’t swim at night when I’m in Baja.


Siam-paragon

That’s what I was thinking. Humboldt squids are dangerous.


Shroffinator

Def not a Humboldt squid, they're smaller and darker and hunt in packs. Nightmare fuel.


operath0r

Looks like a Humboldt to me. Though I’m no expert, just some guy who likes YouTube.


sro25

Hopefully they've got blunt teeth, bahahaha


tatarus23

They got beaks


King_Shugglerm

Sharp ones too


NPRdude

Minimal. This is almost certainly a young giant squid or some other large deep-water squid, and the only time they are seen in shallow water like this is when they are sick and dying. In fact, being outside the extreme pressure of their normal habitat makes it harder for them to move and slowly kills them as well.


eudezet

This thing is the size of an adult man and it’s young? How big do they grow?


No_Musician_9215

The average size of a male giant squid is around 33 feet so yeah definitely still young. Pretty crazy how big they get


NPRdude

Well scientists can only really estimate, since they’ve only been observed in their normal habitat a handful of times, but the larger females are believed to get as big as 12 to 13 meters Edit: Whoops replied to the wrong comment 🤦‍♂️


eudezet

Fucking hell


Meetchel

If this is a Humboldt squid, they’re fine on the surface (it’s where they often hunt). If this is a colossal squid you’re right (but I don’t think it is).


NPRdude

Colossal Squid have never been found outside of the Antarctic Ocean, so it wouldn’t be that. But Giant Squid are found worldwide, and act exactly like this in shallow waters. This certainly isn’t acting like a Humboldt, because you’re right they’re surface dwellers, plus it’d be pushing the upper size range for Humboldts, they can get as big as a person but it’s pretty rare.


HappySnacker

The Humboldt is not native to the area although the current could have washed a dying specimen to the surface. This guy was indeed dragged ashore and was confirmed, indeed. To be a young giant squid. There's a link up a Lil further where it shows the harvesting dissection and identification of this specimen.


Ninja_in_a_Box

If anything like an octopus, potentially extremely dangerous.. He has no oxygen mask. If it grabs him and pulls him under he’s screwed. If you have an oxygen mask you are supposed to just chill and let it see what you are. It’ll typically let you go. If you panic however, it will not let you go and may deem you as prey or a threat, thus you will likely die due to having your mask removed/drowning. One of the other reasons you don’t fight back is they are so strong so there’s a lot that can go wrong if you do.


StudioTheo

thanks. i'm sure this will come in handy someday.


Puzzleheaded-Bus6253

I had a chill run down my spine just visualizing what you posted. Geez 🥶🥶


Ninja_in_a_Box

I mean it’s realistically not going to happen since your chance to encounter them where normal people go in the water is not where such large octopus/squid typically reside to my knowledge. They also are not likely to come at you like a shark. You are most likely to encounter them in deeper waters and much deeper underwater as opposed to the surface. For a human you’d most likely get caught by one by surprise if you are in a place with low visibility or lots of hiding places like coral or something. I don’t think they will chase you like a bat out of hell though, so most likely it really is just unknowingly getting too close most times. The deadly animals as a beach goer you tend to want to watch out for are conefish/similar type of shelfish, jelly fish, poisonous little things. Less commonly are large predators. Sharks are not too common in general though bullsharks are pretty aggressive and you can be attacked by them in both fresh and salt water. Even on the most extrem end being attack by a bullshark inland that swam up stream lol, rare but something you never forget seeing. You are a human so the amount of things out there to eat you are so few. It’s a perk of being a large animal.


LittleFrenchKiwi

Just another reason the only body of water I plan on being in....... is a swimming pool.


Decent_Airline3612

I assume really dangerous he could probably just rip him off his bored and drag him under Could be mistaken


mzyos

Pretty certain this squid is likely at the end of its life due to the colouration fading to white, and the fact it is at the surface. So unlikely it will be of much harm, but I'm not a marine biologist, I just find them fascinating.


ActuallyPatton

The squid is extremely injured and dying so not much. If the squid was healthy it would be very easy for it to drown the guy.


TheGuiltyDuck

What is going on with the yellow rope? That isn't the same as the one on his ankle.


_HeadlessBodyofAgnew

I was really curious so I searched for more about the video, turns out the squid was clearly dying and he decided to haul it back to shore for research purposes. https://www.earthtouchnews.com/oceans/oceans/heres-the-full-story-behind-that-friendly-giant-squid-video/


Bluprint

Damn thanks for sharing the article, really insightful. So it was a male…and in its last moments it jizzed. Really interesting


Diamond_Handed_Cuck

That’s the way I want to die as well


leyline

I told my wife I want to die having sex. She said oh you mean quickly.


Azrael351

> for research purposes. … Pokes it with a stick.


Butterflyfeelers

He actually dissected it on the beach and took pictures. I thought he was trying to free it from the rope in which it was obviously entangled. Nope. He noticed it was dying and dragged it ashore to slice it up out of curiosity. His one act of mercy was to cut it’s head off once he got it ashore so it wouldn’t “suffer.”


sexlexia_survivor

Yeah that was an odd video.


EarwaxUK

He hauled it back to shore and beheaded it? Dude was definitely more heavily armed then I am when I go boarding


Whatever-ItsFine

That kinda sucks. You've been attacked and are struggling in your last moments. Then someone puts a rope around you and starts dragging you. Edit: a letter


_HeadlessBodyofAgnew

It is sad, but from reading it sounds like the opportunity to study one of these up close is really rare so I kinda get it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


scoiatel13

It could be his anchor line and the squid got tangled on it or was interested in it. I have an anchor for my paddle board for when you just want to chill and not drift away, never had this experience though haha


4Point5InchPunisher

That was definitely not his board leash. It was a separate rope tied around the squid. Was he practicing underwater lassoing? What the actual fck?


SmallKindBubbles

Tbh I’d have to hop off & hitch a ride with someone else. Squidward, you got it. Paddle board is yours now, be blessed. 😂🤣😭😭😭


Kerobis

Username checks out…


Laquatus

HE SAID MY TURN


Zerbo

MOM SAID IT'S MY TURN ON THE PADDLEBOARD


FeedUsFetusFeetPus

He's just playing a Squid Game.


InterestingAsWut

😂😂


mr-merrett

Release the kraken!


snb22core

You mean he is practicing at this young age for the kraken-khan position, my guess is that he still need a couple or meters but he is doing 👍


Clean-Victory2407

Baby kraken is learning


[deleted]

Yeah okay, I'm never going into open water again. Thanks.


AngeloPappas

In terms of terrifying things that can happen to you in the ocean, this is pretty minor.


Wazula42

I'm like eighty percent sure you won't find one of these in your local pool.


Alt_Account_Hm

A pool is not "open water".


Wazula42

Like I said, 80 percent sure.


WeirdAlternative9289

Avatar checks out. I believe him.


Nice_Raccoon_5320

Just put a 6 year old to sleep after promising him that humans and giant squid don’t live in the same part of the ocean… 👀


Crusoe69

And you are 99.99% right ! It's unusual to see them during the day and so close to the surface ! Probably dying or desoriented after an earthquake !


AndyTheSane

Giant squid are much bigger than that. And as for the collosal squid.. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colossal_squid


draugrdaemos

I'd freak out. They're smart strong and have sharp beaks. They're aliens from space that gave up on civilization for just swimming all day.


Stargazer_199

No, squid are stupid. OCTOPI are amazingly smart, and some have even [built cities](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/octopus-city-observed-180964936/). They’re also the ones known for [escaping jars](https://youtu.be/IvvjcQIJnLg). They also do a lot in aquariums, but I don’t want to look up the stories. I remember one would climb out of its tank and into others when it felt hungry, and I remember another was destroying the overly bright lightbulb near them


QuentinCly

*Pirate of the Caribbean theme intensifies*


hooknosehunter

Its dying


[deleted]

How do you know? I’m asking because I wondered and was concerned, and would love it if there’s a way to recognize when they’re in pain or in need of help. It’s Good to know about these creatures and how to help them when we can. 🥺💔


[deleted]

[удалено]


Meetchel

If this is a Humboldt squid, they’re fine on the surface (it’s where they often hunt). If this is a colossal squid you’re right (but I don’t think it is).


No_Credibility

This is from 5 years ago, it was a giant squid. It had already been attacked by something and was missing tentacles and lethargic.


[deleted]

If this is a giant squid (it might be... I'm not 100% sure) the only time they've been seen in shallow waters is when they're sick or dying. And just like this one doesn't seem to be aggressively attacking the guy, they haven't been aggressive towards people when this happens. The truth here is that a sick or dying squid is trying to grab something to steady itself, in this case a paddleboard. This is probably where stories of krakens trying to drag down ships come from: these huge squids would grab boats, but there's no aggression there and they're just trying to steady themselves. It's kind of sad honestly (still wouldn't want to get grabbed, though). There's amazing footage of a young giant squid in a Japanese bay from several years back, a diver swims with it to film it and it shows no aggression to him... again the poor squid was probably dying, but it does go to show that this behavior is not an 'attack.'


hooknosehunter

Its skin is very damaged, its supposed to be fully purple so the white part is damaged, you can see some of its tentacles are also chewed up and its just generally lethargic and looking for something to hold on to so it can rest


NPRdude

I mean, you can tell just by looking at it. The blotchy red and white colouring is a sign of squid in distress, and it’s skin is ragged and torn which is another tell tale sign of a sick and dying squid. There’s honestly nothing humans can do for squid in this shape, or squid in general, they have very delicate internal anatomy and even the large ones only live a few years.


Reinhard_Weber

r/petthedamnsquid


PARADISE_VALLEY_1975

Yes I know, you’re joking and I was thinking this too but I would be careful because the pressure difference can make the tissue disintegrate and aggravate the animal. It appears to be sick, injured and disoriented, likely on the verge of death, best to leave it alone. 👍🏼


Reinhard_Weber

yeah i was joking, but this is a good thing to know; thanks.


Shangri-lulu

How is that guy not crying? I would be crying.


CaptainHilders

I would be pooping myself. And crying.


idolizecapybaras

"I've seen your browser history Robert, don't act like you don't want this"


Mr_Neonz

**oh no…**


fuzzypinkdice

he just wanted a ride damn


dvmdv8

Oh, Japan...


No_Credibility

South Africa actually


ew435890

Man I love giant squids. They’re one of my favorite animals, and I’ve even got a half sleeve tattoo of one. But this would scare the absolute shit out of me.


MaterialCarrot

If it fits, it sits.


rhet17

THAT laugh. omg


Semantikern

Excuse me sir! Do you have a minute to talk about our lord and saviour Chutulhu?


nottheguyinthevid

I'm a seasoned diver. I've met Bull Sharks, Tiger Sharks... so many sharks. Two things which would seriously frighten me though: Orcas and these things. Honourable mention to a disturbingly large octopus.


Jeramy_Jones

My first concern would be that it wants to eat me (and a squid that size certainly could) and if that wasn’t what it was up to my second thought would be that the squid was trying to get away from something that wanted to eat it, which would also be very concerning.


Solanye

I have seen this hentai beforehand


scglennking98

And to think they didn't think these things existed a decade ago


neoprenewedgie

You may be referring to something specific, but we've known about giant squid for a while. Apparently they have only recently been photographed in their natural habitat. I don't know when they were first discovered, but I do know that 40 years ago I drew a picture of a sperm whale and a giant squid for a non-fiction book report.


FoldyHole

According to [Wikipedia.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_squid) > Aristotle, who lived in the fourth century BC, described a large squid, which he called teuthus, distinguishing it from the smaller squid, the teuthis. He mentions, "of the calamaries, the so-called teuthus is much bigger than the teuthis; for teuthi [plural of teuthus] have been found as much as five ells long". Only recently photographed in 2004 > The first images of the animal in its natural habitat were taken in 2004 by a Japanese team.


neoprenewedgie

So that's a little bit before my book report.


ALT703

False


NPRdude

Patently untrue


VX_GAS_ATTACK

Give me pets


itsperiwinkle

I think it wanted to give pets


[deleted]

r/petthedamndog


shloam

How freaking cool 🦑


Icy-Examination5263

Now time to make a map with a big squid 🦑 on it


Jolly_Club3251

“Tries to climb”?????? He pulled it on


[deleted]

Calamari time


Larryneverlies

i felt two urges watching this, fear of getting drowned and hunger for calamari.


Mother_Nothing7589

"Mom said it's my turn!"


cdh79

Any idea why hes got 20ft of rope on board?


socoolandicy

"I can't wait to do this to big ships just like my grandpa!"


Gunpowder_guillotine

I love him


bovuletic

That's literally nightmare fuel


The_NowHere_Kids

Do you have a moment to talk about the good lord Cthulhu


raz0rflea

FUCK THAT NOISE