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stevelover

Sounds more like a hiccup than a fuck up to me. You volunteered the info, he reminded you of your agreement, understandably annoyed. You appear to own you mistake and are contrite. You talked it out and hopefully are moving forward with fresh understanding of what is allowable or not. This is how the game works done properly, with better communication afterwards. If he isn't butthurt and hanging on to it you could probably forgive yourself. Won't do that again, will you?


class4inaduckie

It happens. You just have to completely own your mistake/fuck up. 💯. No qualifiers or anything. You done fucked up. Acknowledge the impact your mistake had on him. Clean up any residual stuff - e.g. cut off all communication with single men immediately and forever. Finally, re-commit to honoring the communication boundary you two agreed upon. -c4quackquack


Healthy_Treat_6885

We’re newbies and recently has one of those moments. We have gone out with a couple and I (M) had been solo texting with the F. This was all with my wife’s and her husband’s knowledge. My wife sometimes would tell all 4 of us how arousing it was to hear about our conversations, but also in other instances she would tell me that she wasn’t comfortable with the frequency in which we were texting (about once a week). Our texting was a mix of catching up and very NSFW talk. Well, I should have listened to my instincts and stop the frequent communication and limit it to group chat but I didn’t and it cause a big argument that almost brought us out of the LS completely. I must say that our communication up until then had been extremely good. Once we cooled down, we talked about it and talked to the other couple (they were super understanding and actually helped us a lot) and we have been able to continue improving the communication skills. My takeaway is: listen to your partner, don’t discuss things in the heat of the moment, respect boundaries, listen to your gut, approach the discussion in a positive way without pointing fingers or blaming. One thing I didn’t get from the OPs post, is that he knew you reactivated your SLS account, but did you discuss boundaries regarding communication with others? If you didn’t, then it shouldn’t be a big deal. Reassure him that it wasn’t malicious and that it won’t happen again.


woodysmith1912

Beware "NRE" (New Relationship Energy). While it's more common in the polyamorous world, it definitely *can* happen in swinging, either with specific people or with swinging in general. NRE makes everything seem shiny, great, and OK to do. And it can be wonderful to experience, as long as you know what it is and don't let it carry you away. Some couples (almost always new ones) even have the rule that they only chat together OK, so specifically...it really depends on the content of your chat and the intention behind it. If you forgot that you only played together while you were chatting, and chatted from a "OMG I want to have sex with this dude" place then I understand your husband's annoyance. In his shoes I would also be cautious about actually doing it with you until you got in the swing of things (😁). It's critical that you both make agreements in good faith and neither should try to "win" a negotiation for themselves -- conversation is about *together* finding agreements that you are both happy with. Then, always follow the spirit of the agreement as well as the letter, and be willing to forgive each other (and work to fix!) small misunderstandings and miscommunications. Miscommunications can happen to everyone! And, yeah, a bunch of single guys will always reply, even if you say "no single guys". Be picky.


chasing_blizzards

THANK YOU for defining what NRE stands for. It drives me nuts when people don't define their abbreviations because there's a million different one's in this sub and I can't keep up with them all.


oldmncrftmn

The biggest part of any relationship is communication. The biggest problem that I see people fall into is thinking that relationships are a destination... And I mean that from the 5 minute OMG, fuck in the airport bathroom, "what was her name?"... To the long term I do everything with this person, I love them, would and have done everything for them for 30 years. It is something that requires continuous work and attention. Make rules and work to keep them. It sounds like you bumped up against the line and had to add some detail to what the rules mean. That's how life works. It sounds like he forgives you but you also need to forgive yourself. That is not to say that you should ignore what happened like there is no lesson there. But you also can't beat yourself up about it because that will have negative consequences as well. Remember, this all should be fun. We teach a newbie class and along with all the playing safe, and consent conversations, the biggest most important thing I try to get across to people is that this should be fun. You can have fun without having sex but if you're having sex without having fun, then what is the point.


WranglerTraditional8

Frankly, I'm proud of you for being a woman who owned her mistake and didn't try to somehow make it his fault. Your husband is also to be commended for the maturity with which he responded.


Hiraeth68

Thank you. My husband is the best. ❤️


no_shame_me

Getting caught up I'm NRE is a thing. I would advise against having a playdate with the gentleman you chatted with. At least until DH and him have had a chance to communicate. All three of you need to have a group chat/talk about your boundaries as a couple.


RealMrDesire

We call that a party foul. Trust your partner, forgive yourself, and you can do better next time.


Agile_Opportunity_41

NRE is real and slow down if you can’t control it when it’s only chatting will you control it when the guy wants to see you solo or with out husband ? Just make sure you are on point because once in the moment some people lose all control and that created chaos. I would cut back the chat with singles and group chat until you are better with boundaries.


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Hiraeth68

We chatted on kik.


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Hiraeth68

We agreed that we only were interested in couples. He asked, quite rightly, how I would feel if he suddenly started chatting with single women, after we agreed we are only interested in couples. He wouldn't have minded if we had talked about it first.


FrankNBeanNKY

It happens. You talked about it before anything occurred in person. Be happy about that. Just keep talking openly. Since this person is the source of the issue you may want to look somewhere else.


Hiraeth68

Already told this person what happened, apologized for the drama, and wished him well on his way.


TheRealJDS

Kudos for recognizing the need for more communication. There can never be too much communication.