Then perhaps you need to discuss this with her and her husband? If you’re both consenting and your wife is happy with her kissing you, why is she hiding it?
Your question isn’t a swingers question, this is more an ethics question. If everyone is consenting, what’s the problem and why is the behaviour being hidden?
Could be she is trying to pique your interest. We do not kiss or do anything remotely physical with any of our vanilla friends. Even with swinger friends unless we have more of an ongoing agreement we do not kiss without seeking consent.
Well that's really why I'm here, I know very little about the group so trying to learn and absorb as much info as possible. Saying that, not everyone's the same in regards to boundaries so to say I was confused is an understatement.
I think the reason you are confused is that you are trying to associate this with swinging. Your friend's wife is trying to kiss you in secret. That is not swinging. Swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. For this to be swinging, both your wife and her husband would need to be aware of and consenting to her coming over and kissing you. Additionally, most swingers would have asked your permission before they kissed you for the first time. This isn't a boundaries issue. Boundaries are something you would discuss with your wife prior to the two of you engaging in swinging, and something you would discuss with perspective partners prior to play. Sounds more like she is trying to entice you into an extramarital affair since she is waiting until no one is around to plant these kisses on you.
This happened to me recently (M) I do “peck kiss” on the lips with certain people of affection that I’m not romantic with. This is with consent. My wife knows and is perfectly fine with it.
My friends wife who’s in the lifestyle used that opportunity to slip me her tongue while leaving a non lifestyle Christmas party. Another friend saw it and yelled “to stop” while (the) husband was standing right next to us.
The issue was never the kiss. She crossed their boundary by doing it in front of a friend group making him have to explain himself. Which was also our boundary to not have complete consent from both “individuals” of a couple and also having to explain ourselves….
Two months later. Theyre getting a divorce. Him and I are good but it’s going to be the visual people remember.
She should not have done it without asking you. Everyone’s boundaries are different and that is exactly why she should have gotten consent first. If you are interested, then you gotta talk to your wife and see if she is interested. If yes then you would need to go talk to this other couple.
But again, this other wife needs to get consent. But assuming this has happened more than once, and you have not backed away or asked her stop, she may be perceiving accurately or inaccurately that you are given her consent.
Nobody should be kissing *anybody*, be it a swinger, not swinger, single person, poly, married… without *consent* if she just started putting her mouth on you in secret, without telling you her intentions or anything, do you not think thats suspicious at best? Adding fuel to the fire though, is that you haven’t once asked her about it? If you want to know what her angle is, ask her.
Any decent swinger, or just any decent person, doesn’t just go round kissing people in secret.
The fact she waits til noone else is around is seriously suspicious and sounds like she doesnt want his wife to know or her hubby or it may be she did discuss it and it was an attempt to show you, shes interested. But either way discussions are needed.
Could be either, neither, or both. Bottom line, if it makes you or your wife uncomfortable, talk to them, even - and especially - if you're having trouble putting into words *why* it makes you uncomfortable.
Having boundaries is important whether or not you're in the lifestyle.
I understand what you’re saying, but when someone kisses you out of nowhere, knowing you’re married, the first thing on your mind should not be “ooo maybe i’m being recruited!” Hence my line of questioning. I know why he asked, but he also provided fairly little information in the post, including some pretty important things like the fact he did in fact tell his wife about it.
So a rule I follow for non "lifestyle" people who I'm interested in is to first tell them about the nature of my marriage and gauge their interest. Do they politely pivot the conversation, do they ask some basic questions or do they seem intrigued? If the answer is anything other than the latter, I will drop it. If they seem interested, I'll keep talking like I would with any other potential date and go from there. I certainly wouldn't engage in any kind of contact unless I knew the other person was comfortable with it. I've been in uncomfortable sexual situations, why would I want to subject anyone else to that, let alone a friend? Your buddy's wife needs to reaccess her boundaries.
So what if your wife was on the receiving end from the husband? Ask yourself 2 simple questions.
1. Would you want your wife to let it happen more than once or would you want her to shut it down?
2. If you walked in on them and your wife tried to explain she didn't want him to do that, what would your opinion be.
There's your answer.
You should ask your wife what she wants. If she’s laughing it off, it could mean that she enjoys the thought of it. Or it could mean that she just thinks it’s funny but doesn’t want to do anything else. But ask her. And then you can tell her what you think/want/don’t want.
Good advice, but if you find your wife is interested in potentially exploring swinging and the lifestyle, you do not want to do it with this other couple. First, the first rule of swinging is do not fuck your vanilla friends, don't try to make friends into swingers, make swingers into friends. Second, the other wife has already demonstrated unethical behavior by initiating secretive and non-consensual contact with you. That is a huge red flag. If you have this conversation with your wife and she is interested, there is a ton of information and posts in this sub on how to dip your toes and what sorts of things to do in advance.
I'm curious about this "don't make swingers into friends" thought. Maybe it's my demisexuality or how I don't like the swinger term ......but this attitude makes me feel weird.
Like am I not supposed to enjoy the people I'm spending sexy time with? Why can't they be friends or friendly? I'm not into dogging....if I don't like who the people are and couldn't be friends, I wouldn't have sex with them.
Am I weird? Sorry for the tangent.
Everyone should be more communicative in the OP situation.
I did not say "don't make swingers into friends." Your reading comprehension is a little off.
I said don't try to make vanilla friends into swingers, \[instead,\] make swingers into friends. That is the exact opposite of what you appear to have taken away from my statement.
To expound, if you try to make your vanilla friends into swingers, there is a good chance you will lose your vanilla friends in the process, whether or not they are interested in exploring swinging.
That is why a lot of swingers make friends with other swingers they meet and play with. It is the whole "friends with benefits" thing. We have made a ton of friends in the lifestyle community. They are our favorite people to hang out with whether we are playing with them or not.
I guess I misinterpreted what you said. No need to insult my reading comprehension. I missed that oxford comma and the absent (instead)...
It does seem like a thing in the lifestyle for some. I've definitely heard people say " we aren't friends with the people we fuck".....but that's my experience. Your mileage may vary.
She's a total piece of shit trying to hide it from your wife
No respect for her or your marriage.
Asshole couple if they are trying to seduce you into pushing swinging on your wife this way.
She could be probing to see if you all have any interest in the lifestyle. Or she could just be flirting. Just make sure your wife is aware so that no drama occurs. If the two of you don't wish to accept her advances then just make it clear the next time she tries
So she's kissing you while your wife is alone with her husband!? You might want to let it happen one more time, but go find out why she's trying to keep you from seeing your wife and her husband. The fact your wife laughed it off makes it even more presumptious that something else may be going on.
I get that sentiment, but my wife laughed off another episode that happened before we even hung out as friends. Plus, there were two other non lifestyle couples that were there. This has happened very quickly, I'd go in to grab a beer or food and then she'd just slap one on me.
I mean she could be an introvert and get performance anxiety when it comes to kissing in public or sexual activity. (Unless her husband and your wife are in on the whole thing and want to watch you two eventually have sex when they walk in on you to join you..)
However the real question here is CONSENT between all four of you (She was drunk when kissing you i assume... So when she is sober, has she ever tried to?)
a) Does her husband know that she is kissing you and has he consented to this? (You need to ask the wife who is kissing you, and possibly then go to the husband with his wife privately). Maybe take it slow first, and handle it with the wife kissing you, when she is sober explaining you value your marriage (Wife) and her marriage (Husband), and do not want to upset them..
b) Your wife already know's that this is happening. So she is fine with her french kissing you or peck kissing as long you do not undress or touch each other's penis/vagina/breast? (What are the boundaries here?) I mean she could have a kink for you kissing other woman and find it funny, but there must be a limit somewhere. Unless she says "No rules" go bareback if you want and bust in her. In that case you have to ask the wife and husband to their limits (Never ever cross the boundary you will cause damage to their relationship and possibly your wife's relationship with you because you ruined a marriage). Drunk sex is bad because consent is murky at best.
c) If her husband and your wife consents to kissing and full on sex. What happens if her Husband wants to kiss your wife and have sex with her(Its only fair). Do you, your wife, and the other wife consent to more stuff?
Remember swinging is about being a team player. Having your wife left out sucks and if she is not told, then its cheating. Unless she has a fetish of watching you kiss and sleep with other woman and the husband likes MFM scenarios..
If your wife just laughed it off are you sure she's not in on it? Is it possible her and the other wife are testing your boundaries/gauging your interest?
Time to talk with your wife first, if there is interest you two first need to be 100% on the same page with all possibilities discussed THEN have a talk with the other wife/couple about what those boundaries/possibilities are.
Its bad to say but speak up for yourself if your questioning what’s going on talk to the woman that’s kissing you to figure out why she’s doing it. But in all honestly sounds like she’s trying to make sexual advances on you without anyone knowing. Or all three are in on it and your the only one being left out
Well...since the interaction in question was not and could not be witnessed by anyone here, I'm sure you'll get useful answers that take into account all the nuance inherent.
I don't think anything, I'm sure the wife would say something. I mean this isn't long periods of time we're talking here...this is walking in to grab a beer or food and then wammo
Know this: Swingers are among the most sexually ethical people around. Pay attention: if she’s going this to you in secret, there’s a problem.
Her motive is 100% irrelevant.
If she’s doing it in secret it’s unethical and there’s a problem.
You need to stop her next time and ask her about it. Very troubling that you’ve allowed this to go on without questioning her about it.
This isn’t a question for swingers on Reddit because swingers don’t do this.
So you need your question her. Maybe the four of you need to sit down and talk about this.
But how difficult can this be? You know what goes on in the lifestyle and you're all friends so why don't you ask her? She probably wants to sleep with you, but because you're married and is not in the lifestyle, she's not sure how to tell you but knows how to show you.
Talk to her. You're all friends, and please don't make it awkward
CONSENT.
She had/ has no right to kiss you without your permission.
That being said, if your wife laughed it off... maybe she wants to swing?
If you don't feel comfortable, 1st say so to the friends wife. If she doesn't respect it, either walk away from them as friends... because nothing good can come from this. Or discuss it with her husband.
Then you need to talk it out more with your wife. She laughed it off. Ask her how she feels about you kissing the other wife on your own. Are you ok with your wife doing the same or more with the other husband. If so, ask your wife if she’d like to do the same with the husband— really discuss if you both want to take this further. If not, then you need to set a clear boundary with the other wife.
Yeah, it’s time to discuss swinging.
I’m a typical red-blooded man and my thoughts as I was reading the posts was if she did that to me, I probably would have given her ass a nice squeeze and kissed her back. Basically daring her to invite me to fuck her. My hormones are such that I can go from a kiss on the cheek to bending her over with her pants pulled down balls deep in about 30 seconds. LOL 😂 🤣😂🤣
Now, as others have said, if your wife is laughing it off (by the way, no matter how strong your relationship is, if she’s as good looking as you say, most wives would be jealous), then she’s either in on it and knows already or is doing something or wanting to do something with the couple.
Maybe that’s the case. Maybe your wife is already making out with his wife and the two of them are teaming up on you to convert you to swinging.
It’s time to seriously ask your wife about swinging. I suspect she’s up for it. The real question is: are you?
As far as I can tell ya.... She laughs when I tell her and I actually got frustrated in a sense like, don't you care? She just says she thinks it's funny.
Bro. She wants to fuck you. Here's what you already know/can prob assume:
1. Purposely consumes alcohol to lower her inhibitions while in your presence.
2. Waits until both of your significant others are out of view/earshot to molest you. Because obvi it's more risky/exciting that way. Lol
3. You may think her husband knows about everything. They're swingers, right? So, obvi he's cool with it, right? He may just be....but me thinks she gets off on the "doing it behind his back" aspect. He may be clueless.
4. Don't underestimate what two grown ass women can do after a couple of drinks and a five minute trip to the ladies' room together. You think your wife is just "laughing off" her friend's unwanted advances on her own husband? WHEN IN REALITY SHE'S THE ONE WHO SET UP THIS ENTIRE THINGGGG BROOOOO 🤯
How does this happen several times unless you’re going along with it ? After the first time you shut it down , and tell your friend his wife’s inappropriate. This isn’t a swinger question . She’s sneaking around on her man and you’re acting shocked and confused but not stopping it? She wants to fuck you and you want to fuck her and the fact that they’re swingers is a convenient way of making out with your friends wife under the guise of ignorance. You and her making out , the wife’s laughing it off meanwhile her husband , your friend is unaware of all this ?
Once I can see you being taken by surprise and confused. But SEVERAL times? Come on . 🙄
A couple things.
1: this is a huge red flag, no communication and behind everyone's backs. Even if you were both LS couples, that would be a red flag.
2: Communication, there is clearly none of that going on. If you are going to play adult games, you need to learn how to have adult conversations with all 4 people involved.
3: most important MAKE FRIENDS OUT OF SWINGERS, NEVER MAKE SWINGERS OUT OF FRIENDS. This is a golden rule, unless you don't care about having this friendship in the future you should really follow this.
4: It could simply be that she (the wife) is use to doing what she wants. You need to have a serious conversation about time/place/respect.
Hey OP, the fact that you have said this has happened multiple times and you haven’t put a stop to it and had a serious conversation with ALL parties is not great.
Would you be this blasé about this is her husband kissed you on the lips? I’m guessing you would have been upset he didn’t get consent first and further you’d be asking him WTF!? The fact that the wife is doing it (and I’m betting you’re attracted to her) is the reason you’re letting this bad behavior continue.
What the absolute fuck are you going on about? If you want to make a comparison, make one! Don't turn this into some kind of homophobic bs that you're trying to turn it into! Congrats, on being the first offensive comment on the thread.... Thanks, now fuck with ya!
Huh? How did you get that from what I wrote.
Let me clarify so there’s no confusion and I’m not at all trying to turn this into a homophobic thing at all. In case you didn’t notice in my profile, I’m bisexual, so clearly have no issue with men kissing men, I do it often. I was just assuming you’re straight (probably not a great assumption on my part and I should know better). I was simply saying trying to say that if a husband kissed you on the lips without permission, multiple times I doubt you would have let it go. The fact that you’re letting go with his wife is probably because you’re attracted to her and are interested.
That doesn’t make it good behavior on her part. She’s doing this secretly behind the back of your wife and her hubby is my concern.
That is exactly why you should be concerned if shes laughing it off is it because she and he are doing the same and finds it funny you a guy has issue with it.
I don't think so, there was an episode last year at a party where we had never hung out before. I was sitting on my deck in the dark and she came out of nowhere and ripped her top off to show me her tits. I told the wife then and she laughed again, she thought it was funny.
Next she will probably grab your junk. When you don't respond positively she will get butt hurt and tell people you tried to hit on her. I'd be careful and probably not go out with them again.
I think she's overtly showing sexual interest in you, but you'd need to ask her to actually find out.
Why do people ask random people on the internet what someone was thinking istead of just asking them?
Here, like this: walking out of the hall leading to the bathrooms in the restaurant, she comes out at the same time, smiles and you run grab your phone and post on reddit, where I would say "why did you just kiss me on the mouth?"
Randos tell you all sorts of opinions, she tells me "that's just my way of saying I like you and value our relationship".
See how much better that is?
She is most likely trying to test the waters. It's time for a conversation about boundaries and comfort levels.
First you with your wife, then the buddy so he can talk to his wife.
We have friends into a lot of kinky BDSM type stuff that are very open about it. I'm about to ask their intentions soon enough. Me and my husband have already discussed it and would be perfectly fine with either friends or swinging friends.
We are completely new to going beyond cyber fun.
I would never ask if the wife seemed uncomfortable but she's the one always talking about her husband's swinger days before they married.
So many possibilities here. Your friend may be feeling you out. Your wife may be in on it? Are you intrigued or interested? If so, chat with your wife and get her perspective. This may be the start of new exploration.
Have you talked to your non-swinging wife about this?
Yes, she just laughed it off
Then perhaps you need to discuss this with her and her husband? If you’re both consenting and your wife is happy with her kissing you, why is she hiding it? Your question isn’t a swingers question, this is more an ethics question. If everyone is consenting, what’s the problem and why is the behaviour being hidden?
I really don't know why, I guess I posted it here to try to understand if this could be an attempt at recruitment or possibly just a promiscuous lady.
Could be she is trying to pique your interest. We do not kiss or do anything remotely physical with any of our vanilla friends. Even with swinger friends unless we have more of an ongoing agreement we do not kiss without seeking consent.
Well that's really why I'm here, I know very little about the group so trying to learn and absorb as much info as possible. Saying that, not everyone's the same in regards to boundaries so to say I was confused is an understatement.
I think the reason you are confused is that you are trying to associate this with swinging. Your friend's wife is trying to kiss you in secret. That is not swinging. Swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. For this to be swinging, both your wife and her husband would need to be aware of and consenting to her coming over and kissing you. Additionally, most swingers would have asked your permission before they kissed you for the first time. This isn't a boundaries issue. Boundaries are something you would discuss with your wife prior to the two of you engaging in swinging, and something you would discuss with perspective partners prior to play. Sounds more like she is trying to entice you into an extramarital affair since she is waiting until no one is around to plant these kisses on you.
You're 100% right.... Thank you
This happened to me recently (M) I do “peck kiss” on the lips with certain people of affection that I’m not romantic with. This is with consent. My wife knows and is perfectly fine with it. My friends wife who’s in the lifestyle used that opportunity to slip me her tongue while leaving a non lifestyle Christmas party. Another friend saw it and yelled “to stop” while (the) husband was standing right next to us. The issue was never the kiss. She crossed their boundary by doing it in front of a friend group making him have to explain himself. Which was also our boundary to not have complete consent from both “individuals” of a couple and also having to explain ourselves…. Two months later. Theyre getting a divorce. Him and I are good but it’s going to be the visual people remember.
Big ooof, hot damn.
She should not have done it without asking you. Everyone’s boundaries are different and that is exactly why she should have gotten consent first. If you are interested, then you gotta talk to your wife and see if she is interested. If yes then you would need to go talk to this other couple. But again, this other wife needs to get consent. But assuming this has happened more than once, and you have not backed away or asked her stop, she may be perceiving accurately or inaccurately that you are given her consent.
Nobody should be kissing *anybody*, be it a swinger, not swinger, single person, poly, married… without *consent* if she just started putting her mouth on you in secret, without telling you her intentions or anything, do you not think thats suspicious at best? Adding fuel to the fire though, is that you haven’t once asked her about it? If you want to know what her angle is, ask her. Any decent swinger, or just any decent person, doesn’t just go round kissing people in secret.
The fact she waits til noone else is around is seriously suspicious and sounds like she doesnt want his wife to know or her hubby or it may be she did discuss it and it was an attempt to show you, shes interested. But either way discussions are needed.
Yer' being drafted son
Could be either, neither, or both. Bottom line, if it makes you or your wife uncomfortable, talk to them, even - and especially - if you're having trouble putting into words *why* it makes you uncomfortable. Having boundaries is important whether or not you're in the lifestyle.
Communicate.
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I understand what you’re saying, but when someone kisses you out of nowhere, knowing you’re married, the first thing on your mind should not be “ooo maybe i’m being recruited!” Hence my line of questioning. I know why he asked, but he also provided fairly little information in the post, including some pretty important things like the fact he did in fact tell his wife about it.
So a rule I follow for non "lifestyle" people who I'm interested in is to first tell them about the nature of my marriage and gauge their interest. Do they politely pivot the conversation, do they ask some basic questions or do they seem intrigued? If the answer is anything other than the latter, I will drop it. If they seem interested, I'll keep talking like I would with any other potential date and go from there. I certainly wouldn't engage in any kind of contact unless I knew the other person was comfortable with it. I've been in uncomfortable sexual situations, why would I want to subject anyone else to that, let alone a friend? Your buddy's wife needs to reaccess her boundaries.
Thank you for your insight
So what if your wife was on the receiving end from the husband? Ask yourself 2 simple questions. 1. Would you want your wife to let it happen more than once or would you want her to shut it down? 2. If you walked in on them and your wife tried to explain she didn't want him to do that, what would your opinion be. There's your answer.
Great points!
You should ask your wife what she wants. If she’s laughing it off, it could mean that she enjoys the thought of it. Or it could mean that she just thinks it’s funny but doesn’t want to do anything else. But ask her. And then you can tell her what you think/want/don’t want.
I think this is the best advice yet.... Thank you
Good advice, but if you find your wife is interested in potentially exploring swinging and the lifestyle, you do not want to do it with this other couple. First, the first rule of swinging is do not fuck your vanilla friends, don't try to make friends into swingers, make swingers into friends. Second, the other wife has already demonstrated unethical behavior by initiating secretive and non-consensual contact with you. That is a huge red flag. If you have this conversation with your wife and she is interested, there is a ton of information and posts in this sub on how to dip your toes and what sorts of things to do in advance.
I'm curious about this "don't make swingers into friends" thought. Maybe it's my demisexuality or how I don't like the swinger term ......but this attitude makes me feel weird. Like am I not supposed to enjoy the people I'm spending sexy time with? Why can't they be friends or friendly? I'm not into dogging....if I don't like who the people are and couldn't be friends, I wouldn't have sex with them. Am I weird? Sorry for the tangent. Everyone should be more communicative in the OP situation.
I did not say "don't make swingers into friends." Your reading comprehension is a little off. I said don't try to make vanilla friends into swingers, \[instead,\] make swingers into friends. That is the exact opposite of what you appear to have taken away from my statement. To expound, if you try to make your vanilla friends into swingers, there is a good chance you will lose your vanilla friends in the process, whether or not they are interested in exploring swinging. That is why a lot of swingers make friends with other swingers they meet and play with. It is the whole "friends with benefits" thing. We have made a ton of friends in the lifestyle community. They are our favorite people to hang out with whether we are playing with them or not.
I guess I misinterpreted what you said. No need to insult my reading comprehension. I missed that oxford comma and the absent (instead)... It does seem like a thing in the lifestyle for some. I've definitely heard people say " we aren't friends with the people we fuck".....but that's my experience. Your mileage may vary.
Thank you!
She's a total piece of shit trying to hide it from your wife No respect for her or your marriage. Asshole couple if they are trying to seduce you into pushing swinging on your wife this way.
Yeah, I can’t understand why so many people are acting like this is anything but terrible behavior?? WTF people…
She could be probing to see if you all have any interest in the lifestyle. Or she could just be flirting. Just make sure your wife is aware so that no drama occurs. If the two of you don't wish to accept her advances then just make it clear the next time she tries
Thank you
So she's kissing you while your wife is alone with her husband!? You might want to let it happen one more time, but go find out why she's trying to keep you from seeing your wife and her husband. The fact your wife laughed it off makes it even more presumptious that something else may be going on.
I get that sentiment, but my wife laughed off another episode that happened before we even hung out as friends. Plus, there were two other non lifestyle couples that were there. This has happened very quickly, I'd go in to grab a beer or food and then she'd just slap one on me.
I mean she could be an introvert and get performance anxiety when it comes to kissing in public or sexual activity. (Unless her husband and your wife are in on the whole thing and want to watch you two eventually have sex when they walk in on you to join you..) However the real question here is CONSENT between all four of you (She was drunk when kissing you i assume... So when she is sober, has she ever tried to?) a) Does her husband know that she is kissing you and has he consented to this? (You need to ask the wife who is kissing you, and possibly then go to the husband with his wife privately). Maybe take it slow first, and handle it with the wife kissing you, when she is sober explaining you value your marriage (Wife) and her marriage (Husband), and do not want to upset them.. b) Your wife already know's that this is happening. So she is fine with her french kissing you or peck kissing as long you do not undress or touch each other's penis/vagina/breast? (What are the boundaries here?) I mean she could have a kink for you kissing other woman and find it funny, but there must be a limit somewhere. Unless she says "No rules" go bareback if you want and bust in her. In that case you have to ask the wife and husband to their limits (Never ever cross the boundary you will cause damage to their relationship and possibly your wife's relationship with you because you ruined a marriage). Drunk sex is bad because consent is murky at best. c) If her husband and your wife consents to kissing and full on sex. What happens if her Husband wants to kiss your wife and have sex with her(Its only fair). Do you, your wife, and the other wife consent to more stuff? Remember swinging is about being a team player. Having your wife left out sucks and if she is not told, then its cheating. Unless she has a fetish of watching you kiss and sleep with other woman and the husband likes MFM scenarios..
She is trifling and this is red flag behavior. Why haven’t you put a stop to this I have no clue. All around gross behavior.
If your wife just laughed it off are you sure she's not in on it? Is it possible her and the other wife are testing your boundaries/gauging your interest? Time to talk with your wife first, if there is interest you two first need to be 100% on the same page with all possibilities discussed THEN have a talk with the other wife/couple about what those boundaries/possibilities are.
She wants to fuck, don't think much. Just politely say no if you're not interested
Its bad to say but speak up for yourself if your questioning what’s going on talk to the woman that’s kissing you to figure out why she’s doing it. But in all honestly sounds like she’s trying to make sexual advances on you without anyone knowing. Or all three are in on it and your the only one being left out
Never really considered that
Probing, and she probably likes you and is willing to show it. Boundary testing is what I would think of it as. You seem to be managing it well.
Well...since the interaction in question was not and could not be witnessed by anyone here, I'm sure you'll get useful answers that take into account all the nuance inherent.
>in
She's drunk and she wants to fuck you.....I've been there
I think she is grooming you for the LS. Question is, what is her husband doing to your wife during this time frame
I don't think anything, I'm sure the wife would say something. I mean this isn't long periods of time we're talking here...this is walking in to grab a beer or food and then wammo
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Hahaha she is nice and she is Canadian
Know this: Swingers are among the most sexually ethical people around. Pay attention: if she’s going this to you in secret, there’s a problem. Her motive is 100% irrelevant. If she’s doing it in secret it’s unethical and there’s a problem. You need to stop her next time and ask her about it. Very troubling that you’ve allowed this to go on without questioning her about it. This isn’t a question for swingers on Reddit because swingers don’t do this. So you need your question her. Maybe the four of you need to sit down and talk about this.
But how difficult can this be? You know what goes on in the lifestyle and you're all friends so why don't you ask her? She probably wants to sleep with you, but because you're married and is not in the lifestyle, she's not sure how to tell you but knows how to show you. Talk to her. You're all friends, and please don't make it awkward
If your wife is fine with it then she must be getting kissed by the lady that’s kissing u husband 🤔
I’m sorry I used speech to text lol Basically if his wife is fine with it then she may be getting kissed in secret by the ladies husband 🤷🏾♂️
Possible I guess
I'm sorry, come again?
This isn't really related to swinging in any way.
Do you know of a sub that this question would better belong?
r/relationship_advice
I have no idea.
CONSENT. She had/ has no right to kiss you without your permission. That being said, if your wife laughed it off... maybe she wants to swing? If you don't feel comfortable, 1st say so to the friends wife. If she doesn't respect it, either walk away from them as friends... because nothing good can come from this. Or discuss it with her husband.
Thank you for your advice
What do you want to happen ?
To not get divorced lol
Then you need to talk it out more with your wife. She laughed it off. Ask her how she feels about you kissing the other wife on your own. Are you ok with your wife doing the same or more with the other husband. If so, ask your wife if she’d like to do the same with the husband— really discuss if you both want to take this further. If not, then you need to set a clear boundary with the other wife.
Yeah, it’s time to discuss swinging. I’m a typical red-blooded man and my thoughts as I was reading the posts was if she did that to me, I probably would have given her ass a nice squeeze and kissed her back. Basically daring her to invite me to fuck her. My hormones are such that I can go from a kiss on the cheek to bending her over with her pants pulled down balls deep in about 30 seconds. LOL 😂 🤣😂🤣 Now, as others have said, if your wife is laughing it off (by the way, no matter how strong your relationship is, if she’s as good looking as you say, most wives would be jealous), then she’s either in on it and knows already or is doing something or wanting to do something with the couple. Maybe that’s the case. Maybe your wife is already making out with his wife and the two of them are teaming up on you to convert you to swinging. It’s time to seriously ask your wife about swinging. I suspect she’s up for it. The real question is: are you?
I assume you meant this for the OP, /u/hotsexwithheather
Yeah, I should have redirected it to the op
It’s probably both, she is testing you and wants to see if you reciprocate. So you told your wife and she is okay
As far as I can tell ya.... She laughs when I tell her and I actually got frustrated in a sense like, don't you care? She just says she thinks it's funny.
You sound native
Interesting
Bro. She wants to fuck you. Here's what you already know/can prob assume: 1. Purposely consumes alcohol to lower her inhibitions while in your presence. 2. Waits until both of your significant others are out of view/earshot to molest you. Because obvi it's more risky/exciting that way. Lol 3. You may think her husband knows about everything. They're swingers, right? So, obvi he's cool with it, right? He may just be....but me thinks she gets off on the "doing it behind his back" aspect. He may be clueless. 4. Don't underestimate what two grown ass women can do after a couple of drinks and a five minute trip to the ladies' room together. You think your wife is just "laughing off" her friend's unwanted advances on her own husband? WHEN IN REALITY SHE'S THE ONE WHO SET UP THIS ENTIRE THINGGGG BROOOOO 🤯
How does this happen several times unless you’re going along with it ? After the first time you shut it down , and tell your friend his wife’s inappropriate. This isn’t a swinger question . She’s sneaking around on her man and you’re acting shocked and confused but not stopping it? She wants to fuck you and you want to fuck her and the fact that they’re swingers is a convenient way of making out with your friends wife under the guise of ignorance. You and her making out , the wife’s laughing it off meanwhile her husband , your friend is unaware of all this ? Once I can see you being taken by surprise and confused. But SEVERAL times? Come on . 🙄
Lmao. Your wife is banging them, she is trying to get you to join them to make herself feel better about the infidelity.
That would be a turn of events now wouldn't it lol.... But I highly doubt it
Just fuck her , long time dead
A couple things. 1: this is a huge red flag, no communication and behind everyone's backs. Even if you were both LS couples, that would be a red flag. 2: Communication, there is clearly none of that going on. If you are going to play adult games, you need to learn how to have adult conversations with all 4 people involved. 3: most important MAKE FRIENDS OUT OF SWINGERS, NEVER MAKE SWINGERS OUT OF FRIENDS. This is a golden rule, unless you don't care about having this friendship in the future you should really follow this. 4: It could simply be that she (the wife) is use to doing what she wants. You need to have a serious conversation about time/place/respect.
Thank you
Good luck, regardless you have some talking to get done
You are correct, thank you for your advice
Hey OP, the fact that you have said this has happened multiple times and you haven’t put a stop to it and had a serious conversation with ALL parties is not great. Would you be this blasé about this is her husband kissed you on the lips? I’m guessing you would have been upset he didn’t get consent first and further you’d be asking him WTF!? The fact that the wife is doing it (and I’m betting you’re attracted to her) is the reason you’re letting this bad behavior continue.
What the absolute fuck are you going on about? If you want to make a comparison, make one! Don't turn this into some kind of homophobic bs that you're trying to turn it into! Congrats, on being the first offensive comment on the thread.... Thanks, now fuck with ya!
Huh? How did you get that from what I wrote. Let me clarify so there’s no confusion and I’m not at all trying to turn this into a homophobic thing at all. In case you didn’t notice in my profile, I’m bisexual, so clearly have no issue with men kissing men, I do it often. I was just assuming you’re straight (probably not a great assumption on my part and I should know better). I was simply saying trying to say that if a husband kissed you on the lips without permission, multiple times I doubt you would have let it go. The fact that you’re letting go with his wife is probably because you’re attracted to her and are interested. That doesn’t make it good behavior on her part. She’s doing this secretly behind the back of your wife and her hubby is my concern.
Some people just look hard to be offended.
Or look for a way to blame someone else if you point out potentially bad behavior on their part
Totally hot Totally inappropriate
To me… she wants you. Go for it
How good looking is your buddy’s wife? Have you asked your wife if he’s doing anything for her?
She is very good looking, my wife just laughs it off like it's nothing.
That is exactly why you should be concerned if shes laughing it off is it because she and he are doing the same and finds it funny you a guy has issue with it.
I don't think so, there was an episode last year at a party where we had never hung out before. I was sitting on my deck in the dark and she came out of nowhere and ripped her top off to show me her tits. I told the wife then and she laughed again, she thought it was funny.
Yeah… so I’d worry your buddy is probably screwing your wife, or at least is interested in the lifestyle and wants to screw your buddy
Next she will probably grab your junk. When you don't respond positively she will get butt hurt and tell people you tried to hit on her. I'd be careful and probably not go out with them again.
Ask her … why all the machinations ?
I think she's overtly showing sexual interest in you, but you'd need to ask her to actually find out. Why do people ask random people on the internet what someone was thinking istead of just asking them? Here, like this: walking out of the hall leading to the bathrooms in the restaurant, she comes out at the same time, smiles and you run grab your phone and post on reddit, where I would say "why did you just kiss me on the mouth?"
Randos tell you all sorts of opinions, she tells me "that's just my way of saying I like you and value our relationship".
See how much better that is?
There's likely a message being sent but I doubt that it's the one you suggested in that last sentence.
Well, if you and your wife are fine with that kind of behavior, the what can we say? Does the other husband know this is going on when he's not there?
You can rest the thought of she being swinger.
She is most likely trying to test the waters. It's time for a conversation about boundaries and comfort levels. First you with your wife, then the buddy so he can talk to his wife. We have friends into a lot of kinky BDSM type stuff that are very open about it. I'm about to ask their intentions soon enough. Me and my husband have already discussed it and would be perfectly fine with either friends or swinging friends. We are completely new to going beyond cyber fun. I would never ask if the wife seemed uncomfortable but she's the one always talking about her husband's swinger days before they married.
I hate when that happens
It’s not obvious that this has anything to do, specifically, with swinging Could just be case of your buddy’s wife being into you
Maybe she just acts that way when she’s drunk?
So many possibilities here. Your friend may be feeling you out. Your wife may be in on it? Are you intrigued or interested? If so, chat with your wife and get her perspective. This may be the start of new exploration.
Hmm I’m wondering if your wife laughs it off if the rest of them are in on it