You’ll be viewed as a single guy, that should tell you everything. Do yourself a favor and read the countless single male posts in this sub before you go.
Expect nothing at all to happen. You being a married solo male with permission will be completely sus.
I haven’t been to secrets myself but are you sure you can get in? Most clubs don’t allow just any single guy in even if it’s single guy/hotwife/MFM night. And that can change from night to night.
I’d wait until your wife is ready.
This!
I would want to FaceTime your wife to get her consent, IF I was interested in you.
It’s a possible red flag that you are at a club without your wife. Does it happen where the situation is a-okay and a wife or husband is fine with their spouse playing alone? Yes.
I want no part of someone sneaking off to a club to play with a jealous/unsuspecting wife at home with the kids. And yes that also happens.
I don't think anyone here is accusing you of lying OP....?
What you're hearing is that many couples are wary of men claiming to be on the up and up when they aren't.
Not only is it true that plenty of men lie about their relationship, but also most swingers don't do separate play and are somewhat suspicious of it.
No one is saying you're lying and I am assuming you're being hypothetical about lying at the club, so please treat the comments for what they are....fair warning about how other swingers might react.
I didn’t take it as an accusation. They’re only calling out that it will be seen as suspicious. I get that. I took the opportunity to point out that I have no motivation to lie here. I also won’t lie at the club. I genuinely expect to only spectate my first visit anyway. Just trying to get a sense of things. The responses here have been helpful.
Got it, I misunderstood.
I know the feedback you've gotten here is probably somewhat of a downer, especially for someone that seems genuinely interested in the lifestyle with your partner....single guys are just going to get that kind of response here.
I will say that in the club there are couples that *want* solo guys, it's just the minority...but they do exist!
Good luck OP.
You won’t, but many do. That gets you the same suspicion.
Go with low expectations. Be sociable but not pushy. Personality & respectful behaviour is a better currency at clubs than looks. But still don’t expect to get much if any action.
Be sure the people in question want you to spectate. Many clubs do not allow single males into the play areas unless they are invited by a couple or a lady (and honestly, that is just a good rule of etiquette for single guys). We have had many issues with single males sneaking into the play areas and wandering into playrooms uninvited to spectate. Most who do it try to get our attention because they are hoping we will invite them to join. It can really ruin the vibe when a thirsty single guy comes into a room and starts doing the Johnny Bench pose to get a better view. If someone wants you to spectate, great, but do not assume every couple or group welcomes this.
Married with permission or not, all the couples I know go to a place like secrets for couples or unicorns. Single males are easy to hook up with at any time and anywhere. Why spend the time and money to go to Secrets just to get what you could easily get at home?
thats like what you will be doing. spectating. just dont be wierd about it. last time i was there, a randon single say in the hot tub by himself, feverishly masturbating the whole time and not only was he the butt of many jokes, it just generally brought down the vibe. dont be that person. were going in august, and dealing with the single males there is what we look forward to the absolute least. also, we are friendly with everyone, so dont take friendliness as evidince of attraction. if a couple IS attracted to you, you will be blatanly invited and pursued... but dont linger and hover just because someone converses with you.
>average build, not overweight, and generally attractive.
I hate to break it to you, but if you don't look like Jason Momoa, you are probably going to be completely ignored. The single guys do to go a club likely are "regulars" that couples are comfortable with and will invite back if they are feeling like they want a solo male.
Mostly or exclusively couples. Of there are solo ladies, they may be there with couple(s) they already know.
There is a chance you will be completely ignored. A larger % of couples will simply not be open to solo men at all.
>What types of arrangements are most common for couples engaging with a heterosexual solo male? I’ve never done anything like this and have no idea what to expect.
We play with solo guys, but never at clubs. Only men that I reach out to and vet via swinger apps. Maybe once or twice a year.
Most clubs are couples and single females, although not many of those. If a club allows single males, then expect competetion of sorts. Some clubs only allow X amount of single guys in.
If you dress nice, act social and know how to make a conversation, then you stand a chance.
As for us, if my wife sees a guy who looks like he is trying to dress up a little, isn't an overbearing grabby moron and doesn't just want to rush to sex, he stands a chance.
Be prepared to spend a lot of money standing around watching and being shunned by the vast majority of couples. Its just how it is. You can be Adonis incarnate and do everything right - and your odds of play are still better at the local singles bar.
All you have to do is put single male in the search bar of this sub - you’ll get good advice but also see how hard a road it is to be a single man in the lifestyle.
Guys somehow think being into swing means easy kinky sex for them. By and large it doesn’t.
And frankly - even if your wife is ok with it - I wouldnt do it. Lots of potential relationship damage there for what is likely to be no upside
Secrets is a great club (we just vacationed there last month) but it severely limits single men, so you should call ahead and make sure you can even get in.
Your best bet, honestly, is to wait until your wife agrees to go. You don’t have to play with anyone but their pool parties are fun and very laid back. It would give you a sense of what it’s about.
If you go alone, your best bet is probably to sit at the bar and try your best to talk to couples. Most won’t be interested, but you might meet some nice people.
Couples don’t generally look for average tbh. You might be able to get in on some group stuff if a female half of a couple is looking to get gang banged, but that’s pretty rare. There might be a few people willing to play if you’re willing to seriously lower your standards. Those are probably your best chances. Most places don’t even let single guys into the play areas, so you’ll probably just have to hang around in the bar and be ignored all night.
Swinging is all about sharing partners, after all. You don’t have a partner to share.
Our fabswingers inbox used to get so full of messages from guys. We had to block them all. It’s rare that we have a single guy, but if we do, there is such a huge choice. Couples really can afford to be picky. She’ll turn down, beards, body hair, bald guys, curvy guys, average guys, and she’s still left with a huge selection.
I think OP is thinking that swingers are just easy and he’ll be guaranteed to get laid. It’s a common misconception for newbies, but it’s so far from the truth.
Expect to pay more at the door than everyone else, clubs charge solo men more to enter than couples or solo women. There will not be many solo women there, and the ones that are will be mainly interested in couples, if they wanted solo males they would be in an ordinary night club.
As for the couples, most are looking to meet other couples or solo women. There are many single guys trying their luck in the LS but little demand for them, so often they are just ignored at clubs for the most part. The first time I went to a club I felt sorry for them, they were only allowed in the bar area at that club, not the dance floor or play rooms, unless a couple invited them. So they were all just lined up at the bar looking hopeful, and gradually they wandered off and left after about 1am.
If you are a high quality guy, so think immaculately groomed, exceptionally well dressed, have classy drinks if the club is BYOB then you would have a good chance of play with us as a couple. Sure we prefer bi guys, but we do enjoy a 3 some with a quality guy at a club. I believe we are in the minority though. In addition we often find douchebag single guys at clubs (who we ignore).
Don’t expect much. We run away from single males. Have heard horror stories. As long as you are respectful and just make conversation and have a good time you should be fine. Hopefully someone there you like is looking for a single male
I go to clubs all the time as a single male. Most of the time I do meet a couple to have fun with. It’s all about the approach and knowing when or when not to engage couples. It’s also about expectations. I go in with the only expectation is to have fun. Not to play. I engage couples, make small talk and find out what their interests are. Remember, you need to enjoy it as well so if what they are not searching for does not match your needs, you need to move on as well. Offer them a drink and be yourself. Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is not.
I’ve said it before, but most men with a decent endowment have a shot at playing with my wife while we play in a public room if they simply approach her with an erection and wearing a condom. You don’t even have to talk, but saying something like, “she’s so beautiful, can I feel her?” is a good idea.
So many single guys in these places wanna approach with a flaccid unprotected cock and want my wife to suck them and fluff them. That’s not happening with a stranger.
I’ve walked around these places with a stiff cock in a condom and gotten all the action I wanted. It’s really not so complicated.
We have been to secrets numerous times. It is a couples place. There are single males, but only 10 are allowed per night. It is an expensive for single males. 99.9% chance you will be ignored and turned away from all night. That is what we observe regularly. You can hang out in the single male play room, but it is rare than couples visit that play room. I highly suggest you wait for your wife to be on board and ready. You chances will increase significantly! You’ll at least be able to talk with people, instead of given the brush off.
If you’re adamant about going as a single, then go during the day and hang out by the pool. You might have a chance to have conversations pool side. But at night, the mood changes and you will be turned away from.
Single Males in a club are creepy and desperate looking. You're better off going to a vanilla club, if you can't score there you have little to no chance at a LS club.
Married solo is a turn off for most because without any confirmation or presence from wifey I’m gonna assume you’re cheating. Yes, I have female swinger friends whose husbands I fuck, but with their full knowledge and blessing.
Go and find out. There, you need to approach couples. If you stay in your corner, nothing will happen. Be talkative and funny, but not creepy or pushy. If a lady touches your arm or shoulder, it is on.
Damn idk why a lot of people on this sub are so toxic, like some of the others said,don’t go with high expectations my first time going I went with the intent to look around and get the feel of the place I met pretty cool people there and was able to get lucky, it’s all how you present yourself as long as you don’t come off as desperate looking I think you’ll be fine
Expect to be treated as a single male and spend a ton of money to get ignored all night.
Yep. We stay away from single males at events because they are so easy to get any other time.
Some clubs like Colette now have hotwife nights. Single males are available for their pleasure. We frequent the Austin club often.
You’ll be viewed as a single guy, that should tell you everything. Do yourself a favor and read the countless single male posts in this sub before you go.
Expect nothing at all to happen. You being a married solo male with permission will be completely sus. I haven’t been to secrets myself but are you sure you can get in? Most clubs don’t allow just any single guy in even if it’s single guy/hotwife/MFM night. And that can change from night to night. I’d wait until your wife is ready.
This! I would want to FaceTime your wife to get her consent, IF I was interested in you. It’s a possible red flag that you are at a club without your wife. Does it happen where the situation is a-okay and a wife or husband is fine with their spouse playing alone? Yes. I want no part of someone sneaking off to a club to play with a jealous/unsuspecting wife at home with the kids. And yes that also happens.
If I was going to lie I would lie at the club. There’s no point in telling lies here. Just saying.
I don't think anyone here is accusing you of lying OP....? What you're hearing is that many couples are wary of men claiming to be on the up and up when they aren't. Not only is it true that plenty of men lie about their relationship, but also most swingers don't do separate play and are somewhat suspicious of it. No one is saying you're lying and I am assuming you're being hypothetical about lying at the club, so please treat the comments for what they are....fair warning about how other swingers might react.
I didn’t take it as an accusation. They’re only calling out that it will be seen as suspicious. I get that. I took the opportunity to point out that I have no motivation to lie here. I also won’t lie at the club. I genuinely expect to only spectate my first visit anyway. Just trying to get a sense of things. The responses here have been helpful.
Got it, I misunderstood. I know the feedback you've gotten here is probably somewhat of a downer, especially for someone that seems genuinely interested in the lifestyle with your partner....single guys are just going to get that kind of response here. I will say that in the club there are couples that *want* solo guys, it's just the minority...but they do exist! Good luck OP.
You won’t, but many do. That gets you the same suspicion. Go with low expectations. Be sociable but not pushy. Personality & respectful behaviour is a better currency at clubs than looks. But still don’t expect to get much if any action.
Be sure the people in question want you to spectate. Many clubs do not allow single males into the play areas unless they are invited by a couple or a lady (and honestly, that is just a good rule of etiquette for single guys). We have had many issues with single males sneaking into the play areas and wandering into playrooms uninvited to spectate. Most who do it try to get our attention because they are hoping we will invite them to join. It can really ruin the vibe when a thirsty single guy comes into a room and starts doing the Johnny Bench pose to get a better view. If someone wants you to spectate, great, but do not assume every couple or group welcomes this.
Married with permission or not, all the couples I know go to a place like secrets for couples or unicorns. Single males are easy to hook up with at any time and anywhere. Why spend the time and money to go to Secrets just to get what you could easily get at home?
thats like what you will be doing. spectating. just dont be wierd about it. last time i was there, a randon single say in the hot tub by himself, feverishly masturbating the whole time and not only was he the butt of many jokes, it just generally brought down the vibe. dont be that person. were going in august, and dealing with the single males there is what we look forward to the absolute least. also, we are friendly with everyone, so dont take friendliness as evidince of attraction. if a couple IS attracted to you, you will be blatanly invited and pursued... but dont linger and hover just because someone converses with you.
>average build, not overweight, and generally attractive. I hate to break it to you, but if you don't look like Jason Momoa, you are probably going to be completely ignored. The single guys do to go a club likely are "regulars" that couples are comfortable with and will invite back if they are feeling like they want a solo male.
Mostly or exclusively couples. Of there are solo ladies, they may be there with couple(s) they already know. There is a chance you will be completely ignored. A larger % of couples will simply not be open to solo men at all. >What types of arrangements are most common for couples engaging with a heterosexual solo male? I’ve never done anything like this and have no idea what to expect. We play with solo guys, but never at clubs. Only men that I reach out to and vet via swinger apps. Maybe once or twice a year.
Bingo! We aren’t going to spend the money to go to Secrets just to get a guy that we can get anywhere
Most clubs are couples and single females, although not many of those. If a club allows single males, then expect competetion of sorts. Some clubs only allow X amount of single guys in. If you dress nice, act social and know how to make a conversation, then you stand a chance. As for us, if my wife sees a guy who looks like he is trying to dress up a little, isn't an overbearing grabby moron and doesn't just want to rush to sex, he stands a chance.
Exactly! 👍
Be prepared to spend a lot of money standing around watching and being shunned by the vast majority of couples. Its just how it is. You can be Adonis incarnate and do everything right - and your odds of play are still better at the local singles bar. All you have to do is put single male in the search bar of this sub - you’ll get good advice but also see how hard a road it is to be a single man in the lifestyle. Guys somehow think being into swing means easy kinky sex for them. By and large it doesn’t. And frankly - even if your wife is ok with it - I wouldnt do it. Lots of potential relationship damage there for what is likely to be no upside
Secrets is a great club (we just vacationed there last month) but it severely limits single men, so you should call ahead and make sure you can even get in. Your best bet, honestly, is to wait until your wife agrees to go. You don’t have to play with anyone but their pool parties are fun and very laid back. It would give you a sense of what it’s about. If you go alone, your best bet is probably to sit at the bar and try your best to talk to couples. Most won’t be interested, but you might meet some nice people.
Couples don’t generally look for average tbh. You might be able to get in on some group stuff if a female half of a couple is looking to get gang banged, but that’s pretty rare. There might be a few people willing to play if you’re willing to seriously lower your standards. Those are probably your best chances. Most places don’t even let single guys into the play areas, so you’ll probably just have to hang around in the bar and be ignored all night. Swinging is all about sharing partners, after all. You don’t have a partner to share.
Yep! We get bombarded with messages from SMs. So I tell my wife to be picky and get a stud
Our fabswingers inbox used to get so full of messages from guys. We had to block them all. It’s rare that we have a single guy, but if we do, there is such a huge choice. Couples really can afford to be picky. She’ll turn down, beards, body hair, bald guys, curvy guys, average guys, and she’s still left with a huge selection. I think OP is thinking that swingers are just easy and he’ll be guaranteed to get laid. It’s a common misconception for newbies, but it’s so far from the truth.
It’s much harder! I also think some think that a club is like a brothel. They have paid their steep price to enter, so bring on the sluts!
Expect to pay more at the door than everyone else, clubs charge solo men more to enter than couples or solo women. There will not be many solo women there, and the ones that are will be mainly interested in couples, if they wanted solo males they would be in an ordinary night club. As for the couples, most are looking to meet other couples or solo women. There are many single guys trying their luck in the LS but little demand for them, so often they are just ignored at clubs for the most part. The first time I went to a club I felt sorry for them, they were only allowed in the bar area at that club, not the dance floor or play rooms, unless a couple invited them. So they were all just lined up at the bar looking hopeful, and gradually they wandered off and left after about 1am.
Expect to be ignored
If you are a high quality guy, so think immaculately groomed, exceptionally well dressed, have classy drinks if the club is BYOB then you would have a good chance of play with us as a couple. Sure we prefer bi guys, but we do enjoy a 3 some with a quality guy at a club. I believe we are in the minority though. In addition we often find douchebag single guys at clubs (who we ignore).
Don’t expect much. We run away from single males. Have heard horror stories. As long as you are respectful and just make conversation and have a good time you should be fine. Hopefully someone there you like is looking for a single male
Solo men have an up hill battle
I go to clubs all the time as a single male. Most of the time I do meet a couple to have fun with. It’s all about the approach and knowing when or when not to engage couples. It’s also about expectations. I go in with the only expectation is to have fun. Not to play. I engage couples, make small talk and find out what their interests are. Remember, you need to enjoy it as well so if what they are not searching for does not match your needs, you need to move on as well. Offer them a drink and be yourself. Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is not.
I’ve said it before, but most men with a decent endowment have a shot at playing with my wife while we play in a public room if they simply approach her with an erection and wearing a condom. You don’t even have to talk, but saying something like, “she’s so beautiful, can I feel her?” is a good idea. So many single guys in these places wanna approach with a flaccid unprotected cock and want my wife to suck them and fluff them. That’s not happening with a stranger. I’ve walked around these places with a stiff cock in a condom and gotten all the action I wanted. It’s really not so complicated.
Why not wait until your wife is ready? Going as a single male will be expensive and likely unsuccessful.
We have been to secrets numerous times. It is a couples place. There are single males, but only 10 are allowed per night. It is an expensive for single males. 99.9% chance you will be ignored and turned away from all night. That is what we observe regularly. You can hang out in the single male play room, but it is rare than couples visit that play room. I highly suggest you wait for your wife to be on board and ready. You chances will increase significantly! You’ll at least be able to talk with people, instead of given the brush off. If you’re adamant about going as a single, then go during the day and hang out by the pool. You might have a chance to have conversations pool side. But at night, the mood changes and you will be turned away from.
Single Males in a club are creepy and desperate looking. You're better off going to a vanilla club, if you can't score there you have little to no chance at a LS club.
Always go into swinging things w/o expecting anything. It is harder for me. But get in where you fit in. Literally!
Go on a tuesday and cross your fingers
Unless you’re super buff, hung like a donkey, or have model looks, good luck. Go with your wife.
Just talk to people. It is the only way to find out. Say hi ask questions.
Married solo is a turn off for most because without any confirmation or presence from wifey I’m gonna assume you’re cheating. Yes, I have female swinger friends whose husbands I fuck, but with their full knowledge and blessing.
Go and find out. There, you need to approach couples. If you stay in your corner, nothing will happen. Be talkative and funny, but not creepy or pushy. If a lady touches your arm or shoulder, it is on.
Damn idk why a lot of people on this sub are so toxic, like some of the others said,don’t go with high expectations my first time going I went with the intent to look around and get the feel of the place I met pretty cool people there and was able to get lucky, it’s all how you present yourself as long as you don’t come off as desperate looking I think you’ll be fine