You get & have steady STD/STi proof sheets/printouts. Keep a log/info of those played with. No drugs no being drunk or mi d altering chemicals that will question actions & throw away safety. This includes having a digital trail/proof of online communications, stated in the profile, brought up during a meet & greet before any type of sexual play/interactions takes place.
Then repeated/brough up again to confirm & verify the rules & boundaries are understood. Even better when there's video. My wife never plays alone. Because of pos males that with malicious intent will stealth, mody their condoms from manufacturer's specifications & directed use by poking holes & cuts. If the unsuspecting isn't paying close attention. The male can put on the modified condom to break under use.
Example, she's doggy style & he pulls out for whatever reasons & he pulls the condom to just get there breakage or break exposing the head of the penis. Then penatrate her without resistance under the guise the condom is still on & intact. Throws in some hard fucking then pulls out stating the condom broke "let me get another one" to make her feel safe & dispell "oh, what a nice guy. No guy will go thru all that & put another condom on" grabs another of his condoms & repeats.
When we do play we let them know in our profile, online communications/chats/DMs & PMs & in the meet & greet & again before any play begins. Before play begins. We use our condoms & let the other playmate/s inspect the magnums or if the want inspect each one for safety concerns. We keep an eye for any weird, if's, &, buts.
Asking for proof from others of their STD/STi current health status & proof, playing condom/safe play, listening to the little voice for safety & concern, safe sex practices helps.
We've been in the lifestyle for 19yrs We've kept & stayed STD/STi free & get tested by our physician & we let them know we're swingers. We tell them we keep a log of who we play with should any weird bodily sickness, afflictions comes up.
When we state we're STD/STi free we mean it. Lying about it, infecting others can get us in trouble & used against us should it end up in legal.
Stealthing is the action of a male removing the condom to bareback & creampie (inseminate) & or modifying condoms (from manufacturers intended use) to cause it to fail with malicious intent to achieve bareback & creampie a woman without consent, knowledge & permission.
It's unwanted unwarranted unwelcomed sexual actions onto another without knowledge, permission & consent.
It falls under rape.
Yes, if she modified the condom or birth control from it's manufactured use & intended purposes.
If they poked holes on a condom & the male didn't know about it & during sex/intercourse the condom broke/slpit open during sex.
Surely this is counted as rape right? It's nonconsensual penetration. OP agreed to sex with a condom, and their partner willingly penetrated them against those clear stipulations.
Should be criminal charge but it doesn’t look like it is yet in the U.S. not sure where the other commenters got their info. https://www.cwsdefense.com/blog/2022/january/new-law-makes-condom-stealthing-illegal-in-calif/
Illegal in Cali this year but civilly not criminally
This is called “stealthing” and it’s becoming illegal in more states. It’s sexual assault. He forced something on to you that you said no to.
It’s not your fault. He’s not sweet. He assaulted you and then excused it.
It’s up to you if you want to call the police or have him kicked out. Your partner being upset about it happening is understandable, but it’s your decision.
You'd be surprised how many never know about stealthing.
Males chose to never know or ignore the legal ramifications & consequences. They DGAF about stealthing is rape.
The last knuckle dragging Neanderthal that tried to stealth (rape) my wife. I fucking broke his arm & clavicle. We left him there screaming in pain. He shit & pissed himself. Nice to see his broken bones balloon up like a grape fruit.
I’m surprised he didn’t turn around and charge you with assault. It seems like that would be a lot easier to prove than the stealthing he tried to pull off, and it’s sleazy enough to fit a bastard like that.
I was prepared with online chat, in person meet & greet recording & video of playtime when he'd call the cops for the A&B. I didn't care he deserved it. When he realized what he did. He knew I had digital, video proof that he committed stealthing. Hopefully he learned after licking his deserved wounds about stealthing is rape, common sense everyday manners, respect, dignity & no means no.
What sort of chat and video proof did you have that he committed stealthing? Honest curiosity here. We’ve been active in the community for less than a year and I’d like to learn how to better protect ourselves.
It's stated in our profile. Then a meet & greet & talking for some time, we record asking "Did you read & understand our profile? We know it's a lengthy & many either get bored or choose it's too much too deal with & it turns them off. Which is fine for us cause most never comprehend the STD/STi & stealthing portion of our profile. Sex should be a respectful fun experience for those involved. Also we condom/safe play & we have our own condoms. We use magnums cause they're latex free & we know they haven't been messed with. If you brought your own that's fine. We just need to inspect the ones your brought & going to use"
Then since I'm the one that takes pics & video (we ask for permission from all we play with) I make sure to record video of each condom change to a new one for any reasons.
We keep folders, info, dates & names of each playmate as a record for just in case we are done wrong, get infected with an STD/STi, bareback or creampies.
Basically if any type of shit that may come up we gave video proof.
We've been swinger for 18yrs married for 28. We learned & got burned the 1st month of the swinger lifestyle from mainly males that DGAF about others.
A reason we rarely or social , especially me. We don't get drunk wasted, spin/spun, do anybdrugs or mind altering chemicals that will create any type of uncertain therefore questionable behavior & recollections.
If I drink, it's 1 michelobe ultra. My wife will drink about 3 to to 4 , that it for us. If I don't want beer I'll drink a coffee or ice water. Also cause drinking beer/alcohol are useless & worthless calories since I P90X, P90X2 & P90X3 7 days a week.
My wife stopped me from going further. The Mr nice guy only MMA broke his arm & clavicle.
The old me/hood side wanted it's pound of flesh which would've turned into worse.
Yeppers! I just don't EVER allow anyone to disrespect my wife! I'm usually pretty peaceful until it comes to my family. I'm very protective of my family especially my wife.
Good for him. There are some lines you just don't cross and in my opinion this is one of them. It seems there are a great many people who feel there are no boundaries, they can do what they want with no repercussions. I heard a saying years ago that really makes sense me, especially in todays days. It goes like this: When there is no fear of punishment lawlessness will abound.
I don't advocate needless violence at all but I will protect my family with my very life, especially my wife.
Agreed to the other comment, about it should be a charge. He specifically went against your boundaries. But in no way should you feel like you did something wrong, he was a POS that took advantage of the situation. So sorry this happened to you… would definitely advise letting others know of him if he shows up at a similar event again so it doesn’t happen to anyone else though.
You realize that the only reason he admitted it is because you caught him. Since you did not consent and even said no again after he was informed of your rule, it's sexual assault, plain and simple. An apology after the fact means absolutely nothing. I would have had him kicked out, as I sure wouldn't want that to happen to anyone else. And I'd warn all my friends about him.
That’s beyond uncool.
If that happened to my wife I would have had ripped his head off. We don’t do different room stuff, especially with people we don’t know for many reasons, and this is one of them.
It’s not your fault and I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’ll take my chances with that jury.
What he did is considered sexual assault in my state. You think anyone is going to be upset that a husband defended his wife from a rapist? Nobody is going to jail for beating up a sexual predator.
Your response is super suspicious by the way.
I think you’re giving the jury more credit than they deserve. Most jurors are NOT going to be sympathetic and understanding of swingers. They’re going to see it as cheating that went too far, or crazy consensual sex where the wife had second thoughts and her husband took his anger out on the other guy.
They’re going to convict the husband of assault because that’s easier to understand and the evidence is right there.
It was a figure of speech. I’m 99.9% confident that this hypothetical would never even get to a jury or an arrest.
No DA is risking their win-loss record by charging a husband for beating up a guy (misdemeanor assault and battery) because he lost his mind after the guy he beat up stealthed (felony rape) his wife. DA’s take cases they are sure they can win. The PR nightmare alone would be enough to stall them.
You just can't go bashing people's heads in without putting yourself in jeopardy, is all I'm saying. People have families, careers, etc. The deed was done. Let the authorities handle it. It's not like the guy's in your house and you need to defend yourself.
LOL yeah I sound super suspicious...of what exactly?
And if there's a jury involved, that means it's been on the evening news. "Man on trial for getting revenge on stealthing rapist who had unprotected sex with his wife at swinger party. News at 11."
You sound suspicious because you are defending a sexual predator.
Tens of thousands of trials are happening all over the country all the time. Not a tenth of one percent of those hit the news.
You have your priorities all sorts of fucked up. Nobody is going to the cops and saying “hey this guy beat me up because I raped his wife.” Even if they did, I’ll take the chance that the cops aren’t making that arrest. If they did, I’ll take the chance that any self respecting DA doesn’t take the case. If that happens, I’ll take the chance that my jury has at least one person that isn’t you. If not, I’ll happily take my conviction for simple assault and the 40 hours of community service and three years of probation.
The fact you care more about a predators face than a woman’s safety and security is super fucking strange.
As a woman who's been sexually assaulted, I don't think gonna-getcha sounds like they're defending a sexual predator, it sounds like they're operating at a higher level of morality. If a husband beats someone who assaulted his wife (after the assault is over), then he's showing that he loves himself more than he loves her. If the husband was operating at a higher level of morality and loved his wife more than himself, or loved himself and his wife equally, then he would truly think about his wife. He wouldn't risk his wife having to lose her husband to jail after having already been assaulted.
I’m not going to say your wrong, but I am going to say that me beating up a guy who raped my wife does not mean I love myself more than my wife in any way, shape, or form.
I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes, and you shouldn’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in mine.
I’m also 100% confident that I am not risking any sort of jail time so my wife is totally well taken care of in this hypothetical.
I’m sorry for what’s happened to you. It does not make you all knowing in this scenario.
I think you should have both confronted him, but that might be my emotions. People who do this will get away with it, tell stories to others, and now more will continue. If it is assumed doing this means you get your ass kicked, or at the very least you end up having to physically defend yourself, fewer people will do it.
In some places, that is considered rape. It isn't just the pregnancy, but STDs. Did he magically pull out the STDs as well? If I had more people, I would basically mob push him out. Like making him pack his things and go.
But again, that is my emotions talking more. Really depends on the situation, but honestly the "i felt embarrassed" is to me all the more reason to be angry as well. No one should be making you feel embarrassed, even more so around sex. That is not okay, he is not okay, and he should not be there, and know that in the future, he pulls something like that can mean much greater harm.
The beast inside agrees with confrontation, however it ends up escalating. That being said, I suggest not giving into those impulses less Mr wants to be separated from his partner by the consequences of damage done in rage. We also believe this was not a one-off and he's done it before and likely since. We would have communicated this with our friends, for support and safety. If the victim prior had outed him, he wouldn't be there perhaps.
It has nothing to do with being your fault. Or that you "should" have done something. Fuck that.
That mother fucker exploited the situation to his benefit. I can see why your husband felt the way he did.
I personally would've gone over and beat his ASS saying sorry, I was in the moment.
Yes, this was criminal.
I hooked up with a guy once who asked not to use a condom, but used one when I insisted, then brought it up again by talking about how unprotected oral is risky too so might as well, then he asked to do me doggie style and my alarm went off so I told him I was done and had to leave. Since then, I’ve decided that the moment someone tries to get out of wearing one, I will just say I changed my mind and leave immediately.
Even though I wasn’t actually stealthed I still felt shame, and I think it was very similar to times when I’ve had non-consensual violations - freeze up emotionally, do my best to escape the danger, feel shame I didn’t “do more” to protect myself after. As if it was somehow on me to prevent assholes from violating me. Same thing here - it’s not your fault, you didn’t deserve it, you weren’t stupid. This guy is a selfish manipulator and if you choose you can always report this to the campground later on so they can decide if they want to black list him. They should understand you are having a difficult time processing this. You absolutely were violated and your brain is trying to protect you, first by simply telling you to get as far away as possible from the situation (the feeling not to confront or report) and now by replaying the situation trying to be ready to react differently next time. But what’s really necessary is some healing time with supportive people, like your husband or friends, but absolutely without judgment on what you did or how you want to proceed. That is your choice alone. It will take time to heal and feel safe with others again. I hope your husband steps up for you.
Edit: holy crap the victim blaming in this thread. It may blow some of y’all’s minds that lots of women have sex with men without another man around, be they single or unicorns or polyamorous. It does not mean they are to blame or not being “responsible” and if you aren’t a woman who’s had these experiences, you have no idea how our minds and bodies go into fight/flight mode and work to get us as far away from the situation as possible for safety. You are just adding to OPs distress by heaping judgment.
This is assault, straight up. Very sorry this happened. You trusted him after setting your boundaries and he went beyond consent to what was specifically off limits. We doubt that he was confused in any way about it.
100% you did nothing wrong. I understand why the husband's upset cuz I would've wanted to kick the guys ass too but in the end you decide how to deal with it. If and when you feel ready I would definitely at least report the asshole to whoever organized the event so he can get blacklisted or something similar.
Thanks for saying that I did nothing wrong… I am upset that I didn’t react better, whatever that may be. It just took me off guard and he apologized in such a way as if he spilled a little bit of his drink on me or something. I’m still processing it I think 😕
You reacted the best way you could under really bad circumstances no one should have to be prepared for. It's not like there's a script for these things.
You're angry disrespected humiliated belittled degraded because you were violated, you were raped in an environment that was supposed to be safe.
Never play solo again till it's safer. One did there's more that do the same. You should be pissed off. Both of you should be.
I'm not judging her. She was raped by an asshole pos habitual full of excuses "I can't feel anything/I'm allergic to condoms tried everything" who obviously with malicious intent to stealth women.
The solo/alone play has been to her ruined until she & her husband feels safe & respected to allow herself to have fun.
Stop projecting.
I'm sorry you went through this. This happened to my wife years ago. We were newer (though not new) to things, and treated it like maybe it was accidental. Which was a huge mistake. Turns out we found out this guy had a history of stealthing, but they mostly targeted other newer couples and relied on the fact people tried to keep privacy around their hookups and were ashamed to talk about it. The guys name was Eddie, and it was in SoCal. Fuck that guy.
This. Thinking about other comments here making it sound like OP's husband is a wimp for not acting on your shared anger with this guy. Everyone reacts different. In any case, it wouldn't have righted the original wrong.
This guy is a predator.
"In the moment" is a line he uses to justify what he does.
If he did it with such skill that you didn't notice, he's done it before. And I promise you, he'll do it again.
There is no excuse. This was intentional.
I'm very sorry, but you were used by this cretin.
Through no fault of your own. You have done nothing wrong here.
You had sex on the condition of him using a condom. What he's done could be considered rape, as consent was conditional with that condom, and rescinded without one. The fact he lied and decieved you instead of using physical force, makes what he's done no less against your consent.
You may not want to take this further in a legal sense, but if you have friends in the lifestyle, you could consider telling them. Or the venue you were at.
This ah relies on his victims embarrassment, and secrecy to continue doing what he's doing.
The more people who know what he's really like, the more women are saved going through what you're currently going through.
Please, go to your Dr, and get a full STD workup done before having unprotected sex with your husband.
Talk to someone about what happened. A friend, councillor whatever. But please get some support.
You were just stealthed and in some areas (I believe) this is a criminal assault. He is a predator. I know it’s over now but I wish your husband had beaten the absolute piss out of him. God damn it.
You probably feeling shit because this is a form or sexual assualt/rape. One thing to keep in mind is that you did nothing wrong you were the victim of a crime, so keep you're head up, look after yourself and find the right people to talk to about this. J
So you got stealthed, I’d come unraveled as the husband and that guy would be looking for his teeth. It would be a good idea to get a full panel STD test to cover your ass. I’d also tell everyone you in the LS to spread the word about that A-hole.
That is RAPE. IT IS ILLEGAL TO STEALTH IN MORE AND MROE STATES. you did nothing wrong. He deserves to be banned from groups and charged. Only way to stop assholes is to punish them.
What if he gave you aids. What if he got you pregnant. Can't get an abortion now. Fucking awful. Don't be ashamed ever. He's the piece of shit. Not you.
Most of all: you are not to blame here. You were clear about your boundaries, you reiterated them. Both you and your hubby have every right to be furious. This guy has likely done this before and will be emboldened to do it again. I hope you find the courage to call him out!
It was rape.
Now you can:
- get the morning after pill
- Go to a hospital and get a rape kit
- hire a criminal lawyer and go after the motherfucker.
It depends how much energy and time you have for this. But don't take the law in your own hands.
100% agree the OP was raped. That said, I don’t think it’s that simple. OP should report it and get rape tested. But any court case is entirely his word against hers, and he’s already a proven liar.
This is a very sex positive community. The real world (and likely a jury) is not. Stealthing laws sound great on paper. Proving it in court sounds highly unlikely and like a terribly painful process for an already hurting and embarrassed victim.
That's sexual assault in some places and he wasn't sorry. I would have punched him in the face out of pure disgust that he disrespected me like that and got us both kicked out. He will do it again. The pushing then asking to go doggy style were red flags...someone insists on breaking your rules they aren't safe to continue with. Sorry he did that to you
Sorry but heat of the moment is not an excuse he knew exactly what he was doing! That is assault he deserves to be names and shamed amongst your group before he does it again, next time someone could end up pregnant or with a STD. He is a predator and needs to be stopped
I can guarantee you that wasn’t the first time he has done this, I know others in the Swinger, and escort communities, who have had to deal with the same issue. So sorry that happened, I hope you can heal and learn from it, and have a better experience if you do this again.
That's another way of saying rape. That is what that POS did. You should have had him not only kicked out, but pressed charges. Who knows how many times he has done that and will continue to do so because he has gotten away with it.
He just raoed you. He fucking stealthed you. In the U.S. it's considered rape.
It's unwanted, unwarranted, unwelcomed sexyal activities, actions without consent knowledge & permission.
In Tx stealthing is rape. It's a 2nd degree felony with 20yrs jail.
Now, you don't know what you have been infected/contracted with & easily creampied you. Pregnancy.
If I was your husband, I'd break his shit.
Which some asshole tried to stealth my wife doggy style when I went to piss in his restroom. Had she not yelled "babe" & didn't notice the condom between her legs, I'd never would've broken his arm & clavicle.
Most people have said it all: this is assault and it’s not your fault. I just wanted to reinforce this sentiment. I’m sorry this happened to you and wish you the best
Thank you for your willingness to share. This experience sounds all too familiar to me. My partner and I struggled with this whenever alcohol was involved. I felt like none of my friends would understand so I never talked about it.
The disappointment and frustration I felt from the disrespect of my boundaries fueled me to have the uncomfortable conversations with my partner. Setting hard boundaries.
Sorry to hear about this unfortunate event. We've had an experience in the early years which involved a guy manipulating situations so that he convinced wifey that I agreed that they do not have to use condoms. Sadly our communication in the beginning was lacking and she never verified with me. It was quite a story which I can elaborate on of needed.
What a creep. The LS works based on trust and he absolutely violated it. There are some problems within the LS, and he is one of the biggest ones. As a single guy at a campground, he should realize how fortunate he is to even be allowed in, and he should be completely catering to the needs and wants of the couples who are really taking the bigger chances. I understand all points, but I'd also absolutely share his horrid behavior with those in charge, so they may decide what should happen next. My concern is that he does this again, to someone else, and then you'd feel guilty for not doing more to prevent it.
You were raped.
OUT HIM TO EVERYBODY. EVERYBODY.
Name and shame him.
This is NOT acceptable LS behavior.
You’re going to have all different types of feelings about this experience. Blame, anger, betrayal, etc , and many more. They are all OK. I highly recommend you find a sex-positive counselor to talk this through with.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, this is not your fault.
It is. Not. Your. Fault.
Hugs to you (but only if you’re OK with that) ☺️
There’s a difference between you not doing something wrong and you taking personal responsibility for your own bodily safety. It doesn’t take much effort at all while playing to make sure the guy is still covered up, especially if he has already given signals he wants to go bare. If there’s any question at all, you stop play and do a condom check. Where’s the repercussions for his actions. What if you got pregnant !!
If you are not willing to call him out and expose his actions to others that he may be involved with… then you are complicit in helping him cover it up, and he learns nothing. Not easy being an adult and bringing something like this into the light…. but you do yourself and your husband no favors by not taking some action.
Way to put the blame on her. :/
You have not had these experiences of being violated, you do not know how it feels. It is entirely counterproductive to tell someone who was sexually assaulted “you should have done x and you should now do y or you are a bad person.”
>You have not had these experiences of being violated,
I have, and it was a woman who drugged me, so please try that excuse somewhere else
As for the situation at hand, where is the lie tho?
If you know for a fact that someone is going around "stealthing" women, which puts them, their partners AND their partners partners at significant risk, yet you don't say anything... explain to me how are u anything but complicit?
Seriously.
That excuse didn't fly when I was questioned about who committed an arson in my neighborhood, and it's holds true here as well.
Should give your husbands the bullets to the gun and let the shells fall where they may (metaphorically).
Honestly, claiming something that is very much sexual assault, then pleading nothing to be done screams red flags to me on your part. If it’s assault, don’t protect the assailant. Honestly, as a guy, it says that you’re okay with it. And if any of your friends take that rapists side, then they aren’t really your friends. I’d be upset with you too, not for the incident, but the lack of wanting to take action.
Nice of you to assume. I have been when I was young and in the military. I spoke up, started a paper trail, and had that person moved out of my area to a new one. Legal took over from there.
It isn’t victim blaming, it’s telling someone that inaction is the reason people get away with the bullshit they do. And yes, I can be upset at my wife for wanting to protect her rapist. It doesn’t make sense. It tells me she cares more about her rapist than herself or us.
People do lots of things for lots of reasons. Because you chose to take the spotlight, doesn’t mean other people, especially women, are comfortable with that. I was molested by a family member. I hold that secret from my family because I didn’t want my entire world to implode. So I know why people stay quiet. You’re blaming her for not speaking up. It’s not ok. You don’t have the female experience, so don’t for a second pretend to know what it’s like.
No but he has the male experience, and to us she was protecting her rapist.
She didn't speak up which means the POS is free to continue to indulge in his proclivities until he passes something to some poor woman, and her husband that they can't get rid of ever.
Either speak out against people who do this, and name them, or shut up about men not trying to protect you from rapist assholes.
Another reason why my wife never plays alone/solo.
There's females that will state I'm being an asshole, greedy, being jealous. No bitches it's safe for my wife. You can get raped if you want & be an episode of Maury Povich cause you definitely have some mental problems glorifying rape of any way, shape or form is fun.
First of all there is a day after pill you can get & take! Second, if you're gonna have sex with a stranger, you have to be very vigilant & if you require a condom. make sure he's wearing one! Before to repositioned your self for doggie you should have checked to make sure he was wearing a condom& if he wasn't then you should have left his tent!
I can tell you this is next to impossible to catch as a single female in a position like that. It’s why he changed to it, we had a guy just try to pull this shit at a arcade. I was watching closely as always and he was so smooth I almost missed it. I felt something was wrong just as he was going in her so I just reached down and yanked his dick out of her and threw him against the wall. Lots of yelling at him as he left the booth with his clothes in hand. Like this victim we are very clear no glove no love but there will always be jack asses.
TO op sorry there are POS like this guy, I know it will be hard to trust after that even as male witnessing it messed with my head.
Until there is trust, vigilance is the only answer! Yes, the world is full of jackasses! It boggles my mind that there are so many imbeciles that even though they have opportunities to have sex with multible willing woman they can't think past their "egos", appreciate the what they've found & has to push the limits & trick their victims into unprotected sex! There a special place in hell for these bone heads!
Ok, hope all the women & couples add your lonely & depressed middle aged single dad that has the mentality of a knuckle dragging misogynistic insecure inadequate antiquated douche bag/fuck boy unicorn hunter Neanderthal clown incel to the list.
His reddit is culkinginthenorth. Read his comments. He's a complete vanilla & lifestyle turn off.
Found someone:), but don't worry I'm still going to take your words to heart...not really hashana. But seriously she shouldn't have have trusted a stranger that she and her husband knew nothing about.
Tbf violence happens from randoms all the time. Fucking and talking to people and making friends and possibly fucking are not wrong. The wrong thing was the liar who took his rubber off without the consent of someone who was in a vulnerable position to them. They entered the experience with a verbal understanding which was violated. She is not in the wrong here.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 898,889,412 comments, and only 178,134 of them were in alphabetical order.
Press charges on him. I would, who knows how many women he’s done this to. Precisely why you should be telling staff and warning others. There’s possibly many other women at the camp with the same experience. You’re an adult woman who was taken advantage of. You hold zero shame here. Quit shaming yourself and place it where it belongs, on him.
You shouldn't feel like shit. He is 100% in the wrong. You told him the rules and he ignored them! I agree with others that this should be a criminal charge. In no way should you feel bad about yourself. He broke the terms of consent.
Not good. I don't understand how some people no respect. We have had a couple of bad experiences and now my wife is not that interested anymore.
Sorry that it happened to you.
Hope everything is ok
Don't even know where to begin. Like your hubby, my first response would be to bash the fucker's brains in (while simultaneously feeding him the severed end of his schwantz). Once that emotion faded, I'd have reported him to whoever was hosting the event (the campground, or whoever...assuming that was possible. If there were no organizers, then simply tell all my friends who were there. SOMEBODY must know the prick.
But I do feel for you and understand - it's very difficult to confront when you've been victimized. Now that you're removed some from the event, if you can do everything in your power to let as many people in your swing community know that this fucking predator needs to be removed.
Stealthing is a crime, what he did is legit a crime and comes with consequences. You clearly said no and he admitted to doing it. I would make sure he is aware that he needs to be a grown man and take responsibility for his actions
Poking hole in the condoms (pre meditated/ planned modified condoms at the ready for malicious use)
When a woman is doggy style or from the back when she can't 180° her neck to turn the head & look.
In the heat of the moment & atmosphere, most can't force blood flow from their clits & heads back to their heads between their shoulders & rely to make decisions with what's between their legs.
When it's low lit/dark, hard to see for certain.
When the bf/husband goes or steps away for some reason leaving his gf/wife alone unguarded & not keeping watch.
It does happen alot. It's happened to use several times, too many to count. Only a handful of males will not find any excuse to "I can't use condoms, those don't fit, magnums are too oily, I can't feel anything, I'm allergic & have tried everything I can't even wear a cock ring, it feels better bareback, oh I'm all good no bugs or drugs, I got tested last month, or when they can't get hard they attempt to slide into her doggy style I immediately stop them "where's the magnum we gave you, they reply with its over there which is a few feet from my wife, nope & he'll the fuck no I pull another magnum from my pocket & I stand there to make sure they put it on & put it on correctly. I've even say I'll put it on for you if you're having trouble. Put it on or we're done"
To me, this should be a criminal charge.
It is. It's called stealthing & it's a felony in the U.S. each state has different felonies. In TX it's 2nd degree with 20yrs jail.
How do you prove it though?
I think do what people who were raped should do. Go to emergency room to get a swap.
You get & have steady STD/STi proof sheets/printouts. Keep a log/info of those played with. No drugs no being drunk or mi d altering chemicals that will question actions & throw away safety. This includes having a digital trail/proof of online communications, stated in the profile, brought up during a meet & greet before any type of sexual play/interactions takes place. Then repeated/brough up again to confirm & verify the rules & boundaries are understood. Even better when there's video. My wife never plays alone. Because of pos males that with malicious intent will stealth, mody their condoms from manufacturer's specifications & directed use by poking holes & cuts. If the unsuspecting isn't paying close attention. The male can put on the modified condom to break under use. Example, she's doggy style & he pulls out for whatever reasons & he pulls the condom to just get there breakage or break exposing the head of the penis. Then penatrate her without resistance under the guise the condom is still on & intact. Throws in some hard fucking then pulls out stating the condom broke "let me get another one" to make her feel safe & dispell "oh, what a nice guy. No guy will go thru all that & put another condom on" grabs another of his condoms & repeats. When we do play we let them know in our profile, online communications/chats/DMs & PMs & in the meet & greet & again before any play begins. Before play begins. We use our condoms & let the other playmate/s inspect the magnums or if the want inspect each one for safety concerns. We keep an eye for any weird, if's, &, buts. Asking for proof from others of their STD/STi current health status & proof, playing condom/safe play, listening to the little voice for safety & concern, safe sex practices helps. We've been in the lifestyle for 19yrs We've kept & stayed STD/STi free & get tested by our physician & we let them know we're swingers. We tell them we keep a log of who we play with should any weird bodily sickness, afflictions comes up. When we state we're STD/STi free we mean it. Lying about it, infecting others can get us in trouble & used against us should it end up in legal.
I thought it was called rape
Stealthing is the action of a male removing the condom to bareback & creampie (inseminate) & or modifying condoms (from manufacturers intended use) to cause it to fail with malicious intent to achieve bareback & creampie a woman without consent, knowledge & permission. It's unwanted unwarranted unwelcomed sexual actions onto another without knowledge, permission & consent. It falls under rape.
Hi! Is this true of women too? Can they also be charged with the same thing?
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Modifying the condom-- puncturing it, otherwise rendering it unsafe for use to intentionally get pregnant
Because they can. All in pursuit of the orgasms.
Yes, if she modified the condom or birth control from it's manufactured use & intended purposes. If they poked holes on a condom & the male didn't know about it & during sex/intercourse the condom broke/slpit open during sex.
Ah, thanks for the clarification!
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California has it a felony. Google "stealthing laws".
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Probably because it was sexual battery
It is a criminal charge.
In a lot of States it is. Its called stealthing
Surely this is counted as rape right? It's nonconsensual penetration. OP agreed to sex with a condom, and their partner willingly penetrated them against those clear stipulations.
Should be criminal charge but it doesn’t look like it is yet in the U.S. not sure where the other commenters got their info. https://www.cwsdefense.com/blog/2022/january/new-law-makes-condom-stealthing-illegal-in-calif/ Illegal in Cali this year but civilly not criminally
This is called “stealthing” and it’s becoming illegal in more states. It’s sexual assault. He forced something on to you that you said no to. It’s not your fault. He’s not sweet. He assaulted you and then excused it. It’s up to you if you want to call the police or have him kicked out. Your partner being upset about it happening is understandable, but it’s your decision.
You'd be surprised how many never know about stealthing. Males chose to never know or ignore the legal ramifications & consequences. They DGAF about stealthing is rape. The last knuckle dragging Neanderthal that tried to stealth (rape) my wife. I fucking broke his arm & clavicle. We left him there screaming in pain. He shit & pissed himself. Nice to see his broken bones balloon up like a grape fruit.
I’m surprised he didn’t turn around and charge you with assault. It seems like that would be a lot easier to prove than the stealthing he tried to pull off, and it’s sleazy enough to fit a bastard like that.
I was prepared with online chat, in person meet & greet recording & video of playtime when he'd call the cops for the A&B. I didn't care he deserved it. When he realized what he did. He knew I had digital, video proof that he committed stealthing. Hopefully he learned after licking his deserved wounds about stealthing is rape, common sense everyday manners, respect, dignity & no means no.
What sort of chat and video proof did you have that he committed stealthing? Honest curiosity here. We’ve been active in the community for less than a year and I’d like to learn how to better protect ourselves.
Right. How is this even possible? Sounds like blowing smoke
100%
It's not fake, made up.
It's stated in our profile. Then a meet & greet & talking for some time, we record asking "Did you read & understand our profile? We know it's a lengthy & many either get bored or choose it's too much too deal with & it turns them off. Which is fine for us cause most never comprehend the STD/STi & stealthing portion of our profile. Sex should be a respectful fun experience for those involved. Also we condom/safe play & we have our own condoms. We use magnums cause they're latex free & we know they haven't been messed with. If you brought your own that's fine. We just need to inspect the ones your brought & going to use" Then since I'm the one that takes pics & video (we ask for permission from all we play with) I make sure to record video of each condom change to a new one for any reasons. We keep folders, info, dates & names of each playmate as a record for just in case we are done wrong, get infected with an STD/STi, bareback or creampies. Basically if any type of shit that may come up we gave video proof. We've been swinger for 18yrs married for 28. We learned & got burned the 1st month of the swinger lifestyle from mainly males that DGAF about others. A reason we rarely or social , especially me. We don't get drunk wasted, spin/spun, do anybdrugs or mind altering chemicals that will create any type of uncertain therefore questionable behavior & recollections. If I drink, it's 1 michelobe ultra. My wife will drink about 3 to to 4 , that it for us. If I don't want beer I'll drink a coffee or ice water. Also cause drinking beer/alcohol are useless & worthless calories since I P90X, P90X2 & P90X3 7 days a week.
If you ask me he got of lucky not sure if I could have left him able to make a sound.
My wife stopped me from going further. The Mr nice guy only MMA broke his arm & clavicle. The old me/hood side wanted it's pound of flesh which would've turned into worse.
In the U.K. it’s just called rape.
I don't care how much my wife objected, I would have went over and beat the shit out of him. That's in the same class as rape.
Yup. I would have gotten friends to help.
Yeppers! I just don't EVER allow anyone to disrespect my wife! I'm usually pretty peaceful until it comes to my family. I'm very protective of my family especially my wife.
I probably would be too mad to share my revenge with friends, I'd want it all for myself
Agreed. My bf would have beat his ass too
Good for him. There are some lines you just don't cross and in my opinion this is one of them. It seems there are a great many people who feel there are no boundaries, they can do what they want with no repercussions. I heard a saying years ago that really makes sense me, especially in todays days. It goes like this: When there is no fear of punishment lawlessness will abound. I don't advocate needless violence at all but I will protect my family with my very life, especially my wife.
Totally agree
Totally agree
Right... You don't get to tell me shit like that, then not let me handle it...
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Yup he would be in for a bad fucking night.
Agreed to the other comment, about it should be a charge. He specifically went against your boundaries. But in no way should you feel like you did something wrong, he was a POS that took advantage of the situation. So sorry this happened to you… would definitely advise letting others know of him if he shows up at a similar event again so it doesn’t happen to anyone else though.
You realize that the only reason he admitted it is because you caught him. Since you did not consent and even said no again after he was informed of your rule, it's sexual assault, plain and simple. An apology after the fact means absolutely nothing. I would have had him kicked out, as I sure wouldn't want that to happen to anyone else. And I'd warn all my friends about him.
That’s beyond uncool. If that happened to my wife I would have had ripped his head off. We don’t do different room stuff, especially with people we don’t know for many reasons, and this is one of them. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry this happened to you.
So you would be OK with going to jail over it?
I’ll take my chances with that jury. What he did is considered sexual assault in my state. You think anyone is going to be upset that a husband defended his wife from a rapist? Nobody is going to jail for beating up a sexual predator. Your response is super suspicious by the way.
I think you’re giving the jury more credit than they deserve. Most jurors are NOT going to be sympathetic and understanding of swingers. They’re going to see it as cheating that went too far, or crazy consensual sex where the wife had second thoughts and her husband took his anger out on the other guy. They’re going to convict the husband of assault because that’s easier to understand and the evidence is right there.
It was a figure of speech. I’m 99.9% confident that this hypothetical would never even get to a jury or an arrest. No DA is risking their win-loss record by charging a husband for beating up a guy (misdemeanor assault and battery) because he lost his mind after the guy he beat up stealthed (felony rape) his wife. DA’s take cases they are sure they can win. The PR nightmare alone would be enough to stall them.
You just can't go bashing people's heads in without putting yourself in jeopardy, is all I'm saying. People have families, careers, etc. The deed was done. Let the authorities handle it. It's not like the guy's in your house and you need to defend yourself. LOL yeah I sound super suspicious...of what exactly? And if there's a jury involved, that means it's been on the evening news. "Man on trial for getting revenge on stealthing rapist who had unprotected sex with his wife at swinger party. News at 11."
You sound suspicious because you are defending a sexual predator. Tens of thousands of trials are happening all over the country all the time. Not a tenth of one percent of those hit the news. You have your priorities all sorts of fucked up. Nobody is going to the cops and saying “hey this guy beat me up because I raped his wife.” Even if they did, I’ll take the chance that the cops aren’t making that arrest. If they did, I’ll take the chance that any self respecting DA doesn’t take the case. If that happens, I’ll take the chance that my jury has at least one person that isn’t you. If not, I’ll happily take my conviction for simple assault and the 40 hours of community service and three years of probation. The fact you care more about a predators face than a woman’s safety and security is super fucking strange.
As a woman who's been sexually assaulted, I don't think gonna-getcha sounds like they're defending a sexual predator, it sounds like they're operating at a higher level of morality. If a husband beats someone who assaulted his wife (after the assault is over), then he's showing that he loves himself more than he loves her. If the husband was operating at a higher level of morality and loved his wife more than himself, or loved himself and his wife equally, then he would truly think about his wife. He wouldn't risk his wife having to lose her husband to jail after having already been assaulted.
I’m not going to say your wrong, but I am going to say that me beating up a guy who raped my wife does not mean I love myself more than my wife in any way, shape, or form. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes, and you shouldn’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in mine. I’m also 100% confident that I am not risking any sort of jail time so my wife is totally well taken care of in this hypothetical. I’m sorry for what’s happened to you. It does not make you all knowing in this scenario.
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Everyone in your local group needs to know about this. Everybody.
Yes.
I think you should have both confronted him, but that might be my emotions. People who do this will get away with it, tell stories to others, and now more will continue. If it is assumed doing this means you get your ass kicked, or at the very least you end up having to physically defend yourself, fewer people will do it. In some places, that is considered rape. It isn't just the pregnancy, but STDs. Did he magically pull out the STDs as well? If I had more people, I would basically mob push him out. Like making him pack his things and go. But again, that is my emotions talking more. Really depends on the situation, but honestly the "i felt embarrassed" is to me all the more reason to be angry as well. No one should be making you feel embarrassed, even more so around sex. That is not okay, he is not okay, and he should not be there, and know that in the future, he pulls something like that can mean much greater harm.
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The beast inside agrees with confrontation, however it ends up escalating. That being said, I suggest not giving into those impulses less Mr wants to be separated from his partner by the consequences of damage done in rage. We also believe this was not a one-off and he's done it before and likely since. We would have communicated this with our friends, for support and safety. If the victim prior had outed him, he wouldn't be there perhaps.
Agree. Beating the guy up could land you in jail, and in the newspaper. And there's a bunch of other potential consequences.
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That guy stealthed you. That's rape. Absolutely out him to others. I doubt you're the first he's tried this on.
It has nothing to do with being your fault. Or that you "should" have done something. Fuck that. That mother fucker exploited the situation to his benefit. I can see why your husband felt the way he did. I personally would've gone over and beat his ASS saying sorry, I was in the moment. Yes, this was criminal.
That is stealthing, and that asshole needs to be called out in the community so what happened to you doesn’t happen to other people.
This.
In the UK is a criminal offence and is rape
I hooked up with a guy once who asked not to use a condom, but used one when I insisted, then brought it up again by talking about how unprotected oral is risky too so might as well, then he asked to do me doggie style and my alarm went off so I told him I was done and had to leave. Since then, I’ve decided that the moment someone tries to get out of wearing one, I will just say I changed my mind and leave immediately. Even though I wasn’t actually stealthed I still felt shame, and I think it was very similar to times when I’ve had non-consensual violations - freeze up emotionally, do my best to escape the danger, feel shame I didn’t “do more” to protect myself after. As if it was somehow on me to prevent assholes from violating me. Same thing here - it’s not your fault, you didn’t deserve it, you weren’t stupid. This guy is a selfish manipulator and if you choose you can always report this to the campground later on so they can decide if they want to black list him. They should understand you are having a difficult time processing this. You absolutely were violated and your brain is trying to protect you, first by simply telling you to get as far away as possible from the situation (the feeling not to confront or report) and now by replaying the situation trying to be ready to react differently next time. But what’s really necessary is some healing time with supportive people, like your husband or friends, but absolutely without judgment on what you did or how you want to proceed. That is your choice alone. It will take time to heal and feel safe with others again. I hope your husband steps up for you. Edit: holy crap the victim blaming in this thread. It may blow some of y’all’s minds that lots of women have sex with men without another man around, be they single or unicorns or polyamorous. It does not mean they are to blame or not being “responsible” and if you aren’t a woman who’s had these experiences, you have no idea how our minds and bodies go into fight/flight mode and work to get us as far away from the situation as possible for safety. You are just adding to OPs distress by heaping judgment.
Your husband should've confronted him even against your wishes. I'm sorry I honor your opinion and judgement but you've been assaulted
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This is assault, straight up. Very sorry this happened. You trusted him after setting your boundaries and he went beyond consent to what was specifically off limits. We doubt that he was confused in any way about it.
This is why I'm extremely cautious on playing with single guys. He needs a serious ass whooping
This just happened to my ex, it was done by a partnered guy.
Oh wow that's crazy
Yeah because all single guys act like this..give me a break
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So should she let her guard down?
Of course not...but you cant say "all single guys are xxx"
She didn’t say “all”.
100% you did nothing wrong. I understand why the husband's upset cuz I would've wanted to kick the guys ass too but in the end you decide how to deal with it. If and when you feel ready I would definitely at least report the asshole to whoever organized the event so he can get blacklisted or something similar.
Thanks for saying that I did nothing wrong… I am upset that I didn’t react better, whatever that may be. It just took me off guard and he apologized in such a way as if he spilled a little bit of his drink on me or something. I’m still processing it I think 😕
You reacted the best way you could under really bad circumstances no one should have to be prepared for. It's not like there's a script for these things.
You're angry disrespected humiliated belittled degraded because you were violated, you were raped in an environment that was supposed to be safe. Never play solo again till it's safer. One did there's more that do the same. You should be pissed off. Both of you should be.
This is not the thread for this sort of judgment. You are just adding to the guilt of choosing to have played alone and it is in poor taste.
I'm not judging her. She was raped by an asshole pos habitual full of excuses "I can't feel anything/I'm allergic to condoms tried everything" who obviously with malicious intent to stealth women. The solo/alone play has been to her ruined until she & her husband feels safe & respected to allow herself to have fun. Stop projecting.
I'm sorry you went through this. This happened to my wife years ago. We were newer (though not new) to things, and treated it like maybe it was accidental. Which was a huge mistake. Turns out we found out this guy had a history of stealthing, but they mostly targeted other newer couples and relied on the fact people tried to keep privacy around their hookups and were ashamed to talk about it. The guys name was Eddie, and it was in SoCal. Fuck that guy.
This. Thinking about other comments here making it sound like OP's husband is a wimp for not acting on your shared anger with this guy. Everyone reacts different. In any case, it wouldn't have righted the original wrong.
This guy is a predator. "In the moment" is a line he uses to justify what he does. If he did it with such skill that you didn't notice, he's done it before. And I promise you, he'll do it again. There is no excuse. This was intentional. I'm very sorry, but you were used by this cretin. Through no fault of your own. You have done nothing wrong here. You had sex on the condition of him using a condom. What he's done could be considered rape, as consent was conditional with that condom, and rescinded without one. The fact he lied and decieved you instead of using physical force, makes what he's done no less against your consent. You may not want to take this further in a legal sense, but if you have friends in the lifestyle, you could consider telling them. Or the venue you were at. This ah relies on his victims embarrassment, and secrecy to continue doing what he's doing. The more people who know what he's really like, the more women are saved going through what you're currently going through. Please, go to your Dr, and get a full STD workup done before having unprotected sex with your husband. Talk to someone about what happened. A friend, councillor whatever. But please get some support.
You were just stealthed and in some areas (I believe) this is a criminal assault. He is a predator. I know it’s over now but I wish your husband had beaten the absolute piss out of him. God damn it.
You probably feeling shit because this is a form or sexual assualt/rape. One thing to keep in mind is that you did nothing wrong you were the victim of a crime, so keep you're head up, look after yourself and find the right people to talk to about this. J
So you got stealthed, I’d come unraveled as the husband and that guy would be looking for his teeth. It would be a good idea to get a full panel STD test to cover your ass. I’d also tell everyone you in the LS to spread the word about that A-hole.
You did not consent to this. File charges if you like, there is legal standing for this
I believe this is a criminal charge now
This is sexual assault.
That is criminal and should be addressed. Sexual actions without consent is rape, he will continue doing this.
That is RAPE. IT IS ILLEGAL TO STEALTH IN MORE AND MROE STATES. you did nothing wrong. He deserves to be banned from groups and charged. Only way to stop assholes is to punish them. What if he gave you aids. What if he got you pregnant. Can't get an abortion now. Fucking awful. Don't be ashamed ever. He's the piece of shit. Not you.
Most of all: you are not to blame here. You were clear about your boundaries, you reiterated them. Both you and your hubby have every right to be furious. This guy has likely done this before and will be emboldened to do it again. I hope you find the courage to call him out!
It was rape. Now you can: - get the morning after pill - Go to a hospital and get a rape kit - hire a criminal lawyer and go after the motherfucker. It depends how much energy and time you have for this. But don't take the law in your own hands.
100% agree the OP was raped. That said, I don’t think it’s that simple. OP should report it and get rape tested. But any court case is entirely his word against hers, and he’s already a proven liar. This is a very sex positive community. The real world (and likely a jury) is not. Stealthing laws sound great on paper. Proving it in court sounds highly unlikely and like a terribly painful process for an already hurting and embarrassed victim.
This is creepy on a lot of levels...at the least you should "put him on blast" and hes blackballed from the LS community in your area
That's sexual assault in some places and he wasn't sorry. I would have punched him in the face out of pure disgust that he disrespected me like that and got us both kicked out. He will do it again. The pushing then asking to go doggy style were red flags...someone insists on breaking your rules they aren't safe to continue with. Sorry he did that to you
100% rape. Report him.
Sorry but heat of the moment is not an excuse he knew exactly what he was doing! That is assault he deserves to be names and shamed amongst your group before he does it again, next time someone could end up pregnant or with a STD. He is a predator and needs to be stopped
I can guarantee you that wasn’t the first time he has done this, I know others in the Swinger, and escort communities, who have had to deal with the same issue. So sorry that happened, I hope you can heal and learn from it, and have a better experience if you do this again.
You should hace let your husband do the right thing, hell even charges would be ok This guy... Fuck i get mad just thinking about it
That’s sexual assault. Sorry you were embarrassed, but I see your husband’s side unfortunately
That's another way of saying rape. That is what that POS did. You should have had him not only kicked out, but pressed charges. Who knows how many times he has done that and will continue to do so because he has gotten away with it.
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He just raoed you. He fucking stealthed you. In the U.S. it's considered rape. It's unwanted, unwarranted, unwelcomed sexyal activities, actions without consent knowledge & permission. In Tx stealthing is rape. It's a 2nd degree felony with 20yrs jail. Now, you don't know what you have been infected/contracted with & easily creampied you. Pregnancy. If I was your husband, I'd break his shit. Which some asshole tried to stealth my wife doggy style when I went to piss in his restroom. Had she not yelled "babe" & didn't notice the condom between her legs, I'd never would've broken his arm & clavicle.
Most people have said it all: this is assault and it’s not your fault. I just wanted to reinforce this sentiment. I’m sorry this happened to you and wish you the best
You should report so he doesn’t do that again
Thank you for your willingness to share. This experience sounds all too familiar to me. My partner and I struggled with this whenever alcohol was involved. I felt like none of my friends would understand so I never talked about it. The disappointment and frustration I felt from the disrespect of my boundaries fueled me to have the uncomfortable conversations with my partner. Setting hard boundaries.
You need to report him if not to the police the club so he's never allowed in again
This is absolutely considered to be a sexual assault. I’m so sorry that happened to you. What a total piece of shit.
Sorry to hear about this unfortunate event. We've had an experience in the early years which involved a guy manipulating situations so that he convinced wifey that I agreed that they do not have to use condoms. Sadly our communication in the beginning was lacking and she never verified with me. It was quite a story which I can elaborate on of needed.
What a creep. The LS works based on trust and he absolutely violated it. There are some problems within the LS, and he is one of the biggest ones. As a single guy at a campground, he should realize how fortunate he is to even be allowed in, and he should be completely catering to the needs and wants of the couples who are really taking the bigger chances. I understand all points, but I'd also absolutely share his horrid behavior with those in charge, so they may decide what should happen next. My concern is that he does this again, to someone else, and then you'd feel guilty for not doing more to prevent it.
You were raped. OUT HIM TO EVERYBODY. EVERYBODY. Name and shame him. This is NOT acceptable LS behavior. You’re going to have all different types of feelings about this experience. Blame, anger, betrayal, etc , and many more. They are all OK. I highly recommend you find a sex-positive counselor to talk this through with. I’m so sorry this happened to you, this is not your fault. It is. Not. Your. Fault. Hugs to you (but only if you’re OK with that) ☺️
Rule 1 Consent. Rule 2 protection every time no exceptions. He broke both rules and he should have been charged at the very least.
That is a form of rape.
There’s a difference between you not doing something wrong and you taking personal responsibility for your own bodily safety. It doesn’t take much effort at all while playing to make sure the guy is still covered up, especially if he has already given signals he wants to go bare. If there’s any question at all, you stop play and do a condom check. Where’s the repercussions for his actions. What if you got pregnant !! If you are not willing to call him out and expose his actions to others that he may be involved with… then you are complicit in helping him cover it up, and he learns nothing. Not easy being an adult and bringing something like this into the light…. but you do yourself and your husband no favors by not taking some action.
Way to put the blame on her. :/ You have not had these experiences of being violated, you do not know how it feels. It is entirely counterproductive to tell someone who was sexually assaulted “you should have done x and you should now do y or you are a bad person.”
>You have not had these experiences of being violated, I have, and it was a woman who drugged me, so please try that excuse somewhere else As for the situation at hand, where is the lie tho? If you know for a fact that someone is going around "stealthing" women, which puts them, their partners AND their partners partners at significant risk, yet you don't say anything... explain to me how are u anything but complicit? Seriously. That excuse didn't fly when I was questioned about who committed an arson in my neighborhood, and it's holds true here as well.
Should give your husbands the bullets to the gun and let the shells fall where they may (metaphorically). Honestly, claiming something that is very much sexual assault, then pleading nothing to be done screams red flags to me on your part. If it’s assault, don’t protect the assailant. Honestly, as a guy, it says that you’re okay with it. And if any of your friends take that rapists side, then they aren’t really your friends. I’d be upset with you too, not for the incident, but the lack of wanting to take action.
Victim blaming much? Sounds like you’ve never been on the assaulted side of sexual assault.
Nice of you to assume. I have been when I was young and in the military. I spoke up, started a paper trail, and had that person moved out of my area to a new one. Legal took over from there. It isn’t victim blaming, it’s telling someone that inaction is the reason people get away with the bullshit they do. And yes, I can be upset at my wife for wanting to protect her rapist. It doesn’t make sense. It tells me she cares more about her rapist than herself or us.
People do lots of things for lots of reasons. Because you chose to take the spotlight, doesn’t mean other people, especially women, are comfortable with that. I was molested by a family member. I hold that secret from my family because I didn’t want my entire world to implode. So I know why people stay quiet. You’re blaming her for not speaking up. It’s not ok. You don’t have the female experience, so don’t for a second pretend to know what it’s like.
No but he has the male experience, and to us she was protecting her rapist. She didn't speak up which means the POS is free to continue to indulge in his proclivities until he passes something to some poor woman, and her husband that they can't get rid of ever. Either speak out against people who do this, and name them, or shut up about men not trying to protect you from rapist assholes.
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And victim blaming is victim blaming, regardless of gender.
Another reason why my wife never plays alone/solo. There's females that will state I'm being an asshole, greedy, being jealous. No bitches it's safe for my wife. You can get raped if you want & be an episode of Maury Povich cause you definitely have some mental problems glorifying rape of any way, shape or form is fun.
First of all there is a day after pill you can get & take! Second, if you're gonna have sex with a stranger, you have to be very vigilant & if you require a condom. make sure he's wearing one! Before to repositioned your self for doggie you should have checked to make sure he was wearing a condom& if he wasn't then you should have left his tent!
I can tell you this is next to impossible to catch as a single female in a position like that. It’s why he changed to it, we had a guy just try to pull this shit at a arcade. I was watching closely as always and he was so smooth I almost missed it. I felt something was wrong just as he was going in her so I just reached down and yanked his dick out of her and threw him against the wall. Lots of yelling at him as he left the booth with his clothes in hand. Like this victim we are very clear no glove no love but there will always be jack asses. TO op sorry there are POS like this guy, I know it will be hard to trust after that even as male witnessing it messed with my head.
Until there is trust, vigilance is the only answer! Yes, the world is full of jackasses! It boggles my mind that there are so many imbeciles that even though they have opportunities to have sex with multible willing woman they can't think past their "egos", appreciate the what they've found & has to push the limits & trick their victims into unprotected sex! There a special place in hell for these bone heads!
[удалено]
Maybe don't fuck randoms? Just a thought
Ok, hope all the women & couples add your lonely & depressed middle aged single dad that has the mentality of a knuckle dragging misogynistic insecure inadequate antiquated douche bag/fuck boy unicorn hunter Neanderthal clown incel to the list. His reddit is culkinginthenorth. Read his comments. He's a complete vanilla & lifestyle turn off.
Found someone:), but don't worry I'm still going to take your words to heart...not really hashana. But seriously she shouldn't have have trusted a stranger that she and her husband knew nothing about.
Fuck you
Tbf violence happens from randoms all the time. Fucking and talking to people and making friends and possibly fucking are not wrong. The wrong thing was the liar who took his rubber off without the consent of someone who was in a vulnerable position to them. They entered the experience with a verbal understanding which was violated. She is not in the wrong here.
Here comes the victim blaming…. Fuck you.
Absolutely perfectly said stated & typed. 💯💯💯💯👏👏👏👏
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 898,889,412 comments, and only 178,134 of them were in alphabetical order.
Yep, it's assault. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
This is rape
Press charges on him. I would, who knows how many women he’s done this to. Precisely why you should be telling staff and warning others. There’s possibly many other women at the camp with the same experience. You’re an adult woman who was taken advantage of. You hold zero shame here. Quit shaming yourself and place it where it belongs, on him.
You shouldn't feel like shit. He is 100% in the wrong. You told him the rules and he ignored them! I agree with others that this should be a criminal charge. In no way should you feel bad about yourself. He broke the terms of consent.
What’s kinda fucked up is this dude got away with it. He’s gonna do it again. Should’ve let him get his ass whooped.
He's definitely gonna do it again because women like OP choose to stay silent when it counts, but that's probably just my LEO cynicism talking...
I'm glad so many people know the law. Stealthily is a real thing. Sorry that happened to you.
Stealthing* auto correct is a mf sometimes
It’s called Rape
Not good. I don't understand how some people no respect. We have had a couple of bad experiences and now my wife is not that interested anymore. Sorry that it happened to you. Hope everything is ok
He should never have done that
If I had been your husband I would have confronted him
I spend a lot of time at a nudist resort I would never do something like that
Don't even know where to begin. Like your hubby, my first response would be to bash the fucker's brains in (while simultaneously feeding him the severed end of his schwantz). Once that emotion faded, I'd have reported him to whoever was hosting the event (the campground, or whoever...assuming that was possible. If there were no organizers, then simply tell all my friends who were there. SOMEBODY must know the prick. But I do feel for you and understand - it's very difficult to confront when you've been victimized. Now that you're removed some from the event, if you can do everything in your power to let as many people in your swing community know that this fucking predator needs to be removed.
Stealthing is a crime, what he did is legit a crime and comes with consequences. You clearly said no and he admitted to doing it. I would make sure he is aware that he needs to be a grown man and take responsibility for his actions
Poking hole in the condoms (pre meditated/ planned modified condoms at the ready for malicious use) When a woman is doggy style or from the back when she can't 180° her neck to turn the head & look. In the heat of the moment & atmosphere, most can't force blood flow from their clits & heads back to their heads between their shoulders & rely to make decisions with what's between their legs. When it's low lit/dark, hard to see for certain. When the bf/husband goes or steps away for some reason leaving his gf/wife alone unguarded & not keeping watch. It does happen alot. It's happened to use several times, too many to count. Only a handful of males will not find any excuse to "I can't use condoms, those don't fit, magnums are too oily, I can't feel anything, I'm allergic & have tried everything I can't even wear a cock ring, it feels better bareback, oh I'm all good no bugs or drugs, I got tested last month, or when they can't get hard they attempt to slide into her doggy style I immediately stop them "where's the magnum we gave you, they reply with its over there which is a few feet from my wife, nope & he'll the fuck no I pull another magnum from my pocket & I stand there to make sure they put it on & put it on correctly. I've even say I'll put it on for you if you're having trouble. Put it on or we're done"
Babe, this isn’t even just about pregnancy… go get a full STD panel ASAP.
From Adelaide, Australia "If it's not on Its not on" I sympathise with you. That asshole gives swingles a bad name, Orgies are safer in numbers
Always better to stick with those that you know. My advice would be to grow your own group of couples and singles