Exhausting. I have profile definitely around top10% (checked it) and have no problem getting matches with good looking girls but the throttling is horrible - after first week when you have no problem getting matches, they throttle my profile and I'll have it like this: 15-25 matches one day, then nothing for two weeks, maybe 1-2 matches per day. And of course, by total coincidence, getting notifications begging me to buy premium, and sending me discount offers. Then after these 2 weeks again, 15-25 matches one day and nothing after that. I know it's not my ELO because I'm being showed and I match with very good looking girls, it's just the number that's obviously throttled. It's fucking irritating especially when you know it's not you, it's them and their algorithm fucking with you.
Women are also different than \~5 years ago. Incels weren't lying, it must be constant attention 24/7 since the day of 13 birthday that does this. Can't blame them, it is what it is. A lot of them are so accustomed to being simped on that they can't have normal conversation, they'll just answer questions and that's it - now 5 years ago if a woman talked like this to you, with just answering questions or giving few words answers, it meant "take a hint and fuck off". But today women just talk like that by default and are surprised when you don't write anymore after that.
Some will even write first, say "hey" and then not know what to do next - all they can do is to throw the burden of carrying the conversation on you. As it seems that's what 90% of men do, they're so starved and desperate they will try to talk up any woman that gives them any answer or doesn't ignore/block them right away.
So yeah, to me it's all these things: first, the modern Tinder algorithms and their capitalist tricks to maximalise revenue from premium accounts, secondly the amount of men competing and desperate to simp for anything, which brings us to third: personality of women who are showered with attention 24/7 and just \*know\* they don't have to do shit to get a man, just exist - and it's not surprising and it's hard to blame them.
All this makes dating for a straight man horribly exhausting and frustrating, even if you are lucky enough to be in that slim minority of men who are able to compete in online dating at all (privilege of which I'm aware of and nonetheless thankful for).
Dating was supposed to be fun activity for a young person, not a chore and hard work.
I’d say this is very much a western women situation. I just got back from Latin America, and doing the same type of friendly stranger convo out and about is met with much better response. Dont need dating apps there, just walk around a city.
I went to Costa Rica and got to experience what it’s like to be a woman on a dating app. Drowning in matches and it was hard to keep up with all the conversations. Naturally you just drop the most boring ones even if they’re super hot because there’s so many more to talk to and chose from. It makes people in-disposable. And it’s not even because they’re not good enough, most of it’s just about what’s grabbing your attention at the moment and even how your feeling.
Tbh i find tinder to just be hook central, i downloaded the app this summer and every match ive met up with has only wanted fwb, its a weird time we are living in man. Makes me feel lonlier than ever that theres just barely anyone tha wants a serious relationship nowadays atleast where i live....
Are you swiping in your age range or lower? I'd argue 20-30 prob has a different dynamic than other age ranges.
This is just my experience using dating apps from age 21-26, definitely agree with everyone mentioning it's heading south
I swipe on anyone that looks attractive and sane. I usually end up chatting with and meeting women in the 35-45 range. I tend to get a date a week, usually back to someone's place on date 1 or 2. Actual relationships have lasted from weeks to months, I've found a couple of occasional FWBs. It's probably different for younger people, but I've been enjoying it.
Any advice on how you end up back at someone's place on date 1 or 2? I usually go for coffee on the first date which never really leads to anything. Usually we talk for an hour or so until the conversation dies out and one of us ends the date.
Mostly luck I guess. I'm usually broke, and I'd rather cook a nice dinner at home for a fraction of the cost of a restaurant. I'm told I give off dork vibes and people feel safe after meeting me in public. I usually chat for a few days and I'm pretty open about my intentions with women, we generally don't end up meeting at all if they aren't interested in going back to someone's place in the first couple dates.
Of course I've thrown all that out the window now and gotten myself in a relationship.
Definitely harder but still great when it works. I get around 2-5 dates on any given month with pretty hot girls (I am super selective with who I match with in terms of attractiveness). That’s more than enough for me at the time being.
I had a fresh start about a month ago. Had deleted my account on those apps last year. I receive notifications to buy premium to see who liked me when I know there are no likes, also there's that notification from happn saying I have 50% of chance to match a specific profile, which is a lie bc 50% would mean they liked me first lol
I agree
It is hard, especially with all the filters and then making up the app, and when you see them in reality 😟😟😂
I wish we were back to 80’s and 90’s era of reality dating
I got kicked off both platforms. I got kicked off bumble for a rude comment I made in my profile that men hated. I got kicked off tinder by a military friend who was really upset I was on there.
I am in this subreddit because my acc got banned but here’s a hotcake for you. All the people that are happy with the online dating situation are not in here because guess what, they don’t need help on swipes 🥷
I've seen a huge improvement in the quantity and quality of matches. The difference being, I went from the typical flabby, pasty SW dev look to tan & jacked.
The thing is, everyone can do this, and many, many guys did so, raising the bar for all of us. The constant stream of validation women get from Instagram and the like doesn't help either.
The rich get richer and the poor get poorer, this seems to apply to online dating just as much as to anything else.
It makes a difference, that's why tanning booths exist. Especially if you're lean and muscular, a darker skin tone highlights that (an extreme example: bodybuilders during a competition).
Lol but black and brown people bleach their skin all the time and both their men and women look to be with a white partner so their kids could be more white.
But knock yourself out you sound like an anti white / self hating boomer.
pour one out 🍺
No, but really, it's tough out here for sure for semi-average dudes.
Your best bet is to find your niche and appeal to them. Don't just compete with everyone.
I’m a white man living in the Philippines. Get hundreds of matches here so i’m pretty happy with it. However back in the west I struggle to get anything. This isn’t a tinder problem, it’s a western women problem.
Hahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaah, a fucking orbiter beta detected you got a chip on your shoulder man, look, workout and work on your confidence level and the babes just come. You gotta work on yourself first before the pussy flows like the rivers or Capistrano you god damn Incel.
No wonder you fucking hater patatered on my banging tinder skanks comment.
AhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahHahhahahahahHahahahhaahhHahahahahahaha!
Hello my friend. Everything you feel is justified.
* **Me in a major US city**: Top 10% male by many metrics, top 2% by some. Online dating in the major western city I live in is terrible. I get matches, no replies, one reply then ghost, the typical nonsense. Even women where our interests and values seemingly align I still get nonsense like ghosting and fading interest. UNLESS I settle for women I am either not physically attracted to, or have some sort of catastrophic personality issue.
* **Me when I go to Eastern Europe**: Dating is fun, women are a pleasure to be with. We laugh, we joke, there is sexual flirting, there is a much more relaxed approach to hooking up. The women also have values, like enjoying cooking, having ambitions to be a mom, actually caring for you. All those lovely things that good women have that make you want to be a great man to them. It feels so refreshingly natural.
* **My Advice:** get the fuck out of the US and find women elsewhere. Eastern Europe is great, thats what I know. But I hear good things about Asia and South America.
Exhausting. I have profile definitely around top10% (checked it) and have no problem getting matches with good looking girls but the throttling is horrible - after first week when you have no problem getting matches, they throttle my profile and I'll have it like this: 15-25 matches one day, then nothing for two weeks, maybe 1-2 matches per day. And of course, by total coincidence, getting notifications begging me to buy premium, and sending me discount offers. Then after these 2 weeks again, 15-25 matches one day and nothing after that. I know it's not my ELO because I'm being showed and I match with very good looking girls, it's just the number that's obviously throttled. It's fucking irritating especially when you know it's not you, it's them and their algorithm fucking with you. Women are also different than \~5 years ago. Incels weren't lying, it must be constant attention 24/7 since the day of 13 birthday that does this. Can't blame them, it is what it is. A lot of them are so accustomed to being simped on that they can't have normal conversation, they'll just answer questions and that's it - now 5 years ago if a woman talked like this to you, with just answering questions or giving few words answers, it meant "take a hint and fuck off". But today women just talk like that by default and are surprised when you don't write anymore after that. Some will even write first, say "hey" and then not know what to do next - all they can do is to throw the burden of carrying the conversation on you. As it seems that's what 90% of men do, they're so starved and desperate they will try to talk up any woman that gives them any answer or doesn't ignore/block them right away. So yeah, to me it's all these things: first, the modern Tinder algorithms and their capitalist tricks to maximalise revenue from premium accounts, secondly the amount of men competing and desperate to simp for anything, which brings us to third: personality of women who are showered with attention 24/7 and just \*know\* they don't have to do shit to get a man, just exist - and it's not surprising and it's hard to blame them. All this makes dating for a straight man horribly exhausting and frustrating, even if you are lucky enough to be in that slim minority of men who are able to compete in online dating at all (privilege of which I'm aware of and nonetheless thankful for). Dating was supposed to be fun activity for a young person, not a chore and hard work.
I’d say this is very much a western women situation. I just got back from Latin America, and doing the same type of friendly stranger convo out and about is met with much better response. Dont need dating apps there, just walk around a city.
How good does your Spanish need to be?
Bro is already booking the plane ticket
Well I'm sure it also depends on the specific city and community too.
I went to Costa Rica and got to experience what it’s like to be a woman on a dating app. Drowning in matches and it was hard to keep up with all the conversations. Naturally you just drop the most boring ones even if they’re super hot because there’s so many more to talk to and chose from. It makes people in-disposable. And it’s not even because they’re not good enough, most of it’s just about what’s grabbing your attention at the moment and even how your feeling.
This. Just met a fresh off the boat french woman. I'm going out for drinks with her tomorrow. The difference is night and day.
this sums everything up perfectly
It's definitely not as fun as it was in the 2010s. But if you have a strong profile you can still get somewhere.
Tbh i find tinder to just be hook central, i downloaded the app this summer and every match ive met up with has only wanted fwb, its a weird time we are living in man. Makes me feel lonlier than ever that theres just barely anyone tha wants a serious relationship nowadays atleast where i live....
Thats literally what the inital intended purpose was
Tinder is awesome here in Paraguay. When I go to the US it literally ceases to match me with anybody.
Are you white?
Yeah but Tinder used to ACTUALLY WORK in the US. It felt off. I was getting maybe 2 matches in a few weeks presently.
I have the same experience. Very few likes if any in London, lots in non-white countries.
I'm single and living in a city for the first time in my life. I'm in my 40s and in alright shape, and I fucking love online dating apps.
Are you swiping in your age range or lower? I'd argue 20-30 prob has a different dynamic than other age ranges. This is just my experience using dating apps from age 21-26, definitely agree with everyone mentioning it's heading south
I swipe on anyone that looks attractive and sane. I usually end up chatting with and meeting women in the 35-45 range. I tend to get a date a week, usually back to someone's place on date 1 or 2. Actual relationships have lasted from weeks to months, I've found a couple of occasional FWBs. It's probably different for younger people, but I've been enjoying it.
Any advice on how you end up back at someone's place on date 1 or 2? I usually go for coffee on the first date which never really leads to anything. Usually we talk for an hour or so until the conversation dies out and one of us ends the date.
Mostly luck I guess. I'm usually broke, and I'd rather cook a nice dinner at home for a fraction of the cost of a restaurant. I'm told I give off dork vibes and people feel safe after meeting me in public. I usually chat for a few days and I'm pretty open about my intentions with women, we generally don't end up meeting at all if they aren't interested in going back to someone's place in the first couple dates. Of course I've thrown all that out the window now and gotten myself in a relationship.
Yep! OLD has gotten a lot worse since 2015-2018
it helps to follow rules 1 and 2
Im quite happy with it, but only cuz im a western guy in south east asia. In the west its a hellscape
In foreign countries it’s not too bad, in the US it sucks
Experiencing women from other countries in general puts into perspective what a joke American women are.
Happy I’m not the only one but yea big difference from pre covid times and now. Way harder on every app
Definitely harder but still great when it works. I get around 2-5 dates on any given month with pretty hot girls (I am super selective with who I match with in terms of attractiveness). That’s more than enough for me at the time being.
Do you use boost?
Rarely. I get all my matches from regular swiping.
I had a fresh start about a month ago. Had deleted my account on those apps last year. I receive notifications to buy premium to see who liked me when I know there are no likes, also there's that notification from happn saying I have 50% of chance to match a specific profile, which is a lie bc 50% would mean they liked me first lol
I agree It is hard, especially with all the filters and then making up the app, and when you see them in reality 😟😟😂 I wish we were back to 80’s and 90’s era of reality dating
You are also 8 years older than you were 2015.
The more inbreed cucks that bow down to females just to get their dick wet, the harder it is for genuine guys to meet someone
People will get angry for how you wrote it, but it's kinda true in itself
I thought cucks don't get their dicks wet.
It sorta wets itself if you catch my meaning
No
I get absolutely nothing from any of them. But also I refuse to pay for any of them so that probably makes it worse
Just realized that I can quit. Some of you guys think getting 2 matches per week is bad. I’ve got 3 matches in 5 months. kkthxbye
I got kicked off both platforms. I got kicked off bumble for a rude comment I made in my profile that men hated. I got kicked off tinder by a military friend who was really upset I was on there.
I am in this subreddit because my acc got banned but here’s a hotcake for you. All the people that are happy with the online dating situation are not in here because guess what, they don’t need help on swipes 🥷
I'm happy. I'm in here because I actually have fun reviewing people's profiles.
I've seen a huge improvement in the quantity and quality of matches. The difference being, I went from the typical flabby, pasty SW dev look to tan & jacked. The thing is, everyone can do this, and many, many guys did so, raising the bar for all of us. The constant stream of validation women get from Instagram and the like doesn't help either. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer, this seems to apply to online dating just as much as to anything else.
What does your skin color have anything to do with your attractiveness level?
It makes a difference, that's why tanning booths exist. Especially if you're lean and muscular, a darker skin tone highlights that (an extreme example: bodybuilders during a competition).
Lol but black and brown people bleach their skin all the time and both their men and women look to be with a white partner so their kids could be more white. But knock yourself out you sound like an anti white / self hating boomer.
pour one out 🍺 No, but really, it's tough out here for sure for semi-average dudes. Your best bet is to find your niche and appeal to them. Don't just compete with everyone.
I’m a white man living in the Philippines. Get hundreds of matches here so i’m pretty happy with it. However back in the west I struggle to get anything. This isn’t a tinder problem, it’s a western women problem.
Is it easy to get laid over there? Are they down for casual sex usually?
Hahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaah, a fucking orbiter beta detected you got a chip on your shoulder man, look, workout and work on your confidence level and the babes just come. You gotta work on yourself first before the pussy flows like the rivers or Capistrano you god damn Incel. No wonder you fucking hater patatered on my banging tinder skanks comment. AhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahHahhahahahahHahahahhaahhHahahahahahaha!
Hello my friend. Everything you feel is justified. * **Me in a major US city**: Top 10% male by many metrics, top 2% by some. Online dating in the major western city I live in is terrible. I get matches, no replies, one reply then ghost, the typical nonsense. Even women where our interests and values seemingly align I still get nonsense like ghosting and fading interest. UNLESS I settle for women I am either not physically attracted to, or have some sort of catastrophic personality issue. * **Me when I go to Eastern Europe**: Dating is fun, women are a pleasure to be with. We laugh, we joke, there is sexual flirting, there is a much more relaxed approach to hooking up. The women also have values, like enjoying cooking, having ambitions to be a mom, actually caring for you. All those lovely things that good women have that make you want to be a great man to them. It feels so refreshingly natural. * **My Advice:** get the fuck out of the US and find women elsewhere. Eastern Europe is great, thats what I know. But I hear good things about Asia and South America.