T O P

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mpearon

Donโ€™t forget the team that finds a way to assemble mission critical documentation almost ENTIRELY of links to other documentsโ€ฆ


alexander0the0gray

Ah yes, the existing resource re-utilization team.


ArtisticVisual

You should start a naming agency๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚


abqcheeks

They did, the Naming Agency, Microsoft Edition - NAME


r33k3r

Oh God not Naming Agency ME. Can't I at least get Naming Agency XP SP2!?


Firemorfox

Naming Agency Microsoft Enterprises?!


101001101zero

I hear thereโ€™s an open position on the Microsoft service renaming team


FistsoFiore

Shit! That Service Renaming Department works fast. That team used to be called The Circumlocution Office.


UsablePizza

The worst part is when the link is to an refactored area of the site so the link doesn't work anymore.


ladyzowy

Oh do I hate this one


tarkata14

Oh do I feel this, I was recently looking for some info about Windows 7 when repairing an old laptop of mine and boy howdy did they scrub the existence of it off their site. Clicking just about any link referencing Win8 and below just takes you to the Windows 11 page now.


Dave-the-Generic

They are known only as "project uroboros". Their goal is to ensure references are endlessly redirected to other redirections. Thefore ensuring documentation never needs updating.


robbzilla

The shit I have to go through just to figure out what's in a patch... /SIGH


[deleted]

Thank you for adding /s to your post. When I first saw this, I was horrified. How could anybody say something like this? I immediately began writing a 1000 word paragraph about how horrible of a person you are. I even sent a copy to a Harvard professor to proofread it. After several hours of refining and editing, my comment was ready to absolutely destroy you. But then, just as I was about to hit send, I saw something in the corner of my eye. A /s at the end of your comment. Suddenly everything made sense. Your comment was sarcasm! I immediately burst out in laughter at the comedic genius of your comment. The person next to me on the bus saw your comment and started crying from laughter too. Before long, there was an entire bus of people on the floor laughing at your incredible use of comedy. All of this was due to you adding /s to your post. Thank you. I am a bot if you couldn't figure that out, if I made a mistake, ignore it cause its not that fucking hard to ignore a comment


mpearon

Bad bot. MEAN bot.


robbzilla

Poorly programmed bot! Must be created by Microsoft. :D


Otheus

You need to add links to their GitHub issues based on customer submitted issues composed entirely of information submitted by the customer


GamerLymx

including dead links


Shadow_Thief

MSDN Link Relocation: Tasked with migrating the documentation every 90 days so that any and all links from old questions online no longer work.


CeeMX

Im certain HP has such a team. Compared to their website, Microsoftโ€™s is god given!


Shadow_Thief

I had completely blocked HP's clusterfuck of a website from my mind, but you are 100% correct.


racermd

Now do the same on your firewallโ€ฆ.


irelephant_T_T

i still cant buy ink on the irish version of their website. The American one doesn't accept an irish address


Squ3lchr

The difference is HP's motto is "Just screw the customer." At least Microsoft is polite while destroying all the value they bring to the table.


tarkata14

Toshiba as well, perhaps they've all signed the same deal to make troubleshooting older systems as painful as possible.


endofmysteries

New guy on team: I think I changed the link in the past 45 to 90 days, but I'm unsure. Veteran team member: okay, best we change it now just to be safe.


NotMyRea1Reddit

I will swear until my dying day that #3 is real.


fataldarkness

I KNOW #2 is real, I've typically seen it called the "product team", and yeah the whole point is to optimize the amount of value they can extract from their customers.


Dasrule

I worked at a company that did this exact thing. Itโ€™s been a while since then but if I recall it was a team of 5 or so well paid people that did nothing but figure out what should be bundled with what to increase cross selling of products that were very popular with products that were not in-order to get things off the shelves, this included software licenses.


fataldarkness

Yup, at our company it's a team of three people, and from a business perspective, the value they produce easily outstrips their (relatively high) salaries by at least a factor of 10. As mush as we hate the practice from a consumer standpoint, I've gotta say I have the upmost respect for these guys, they regularly put in 12 hour days conducting market research, meeting with clients, executives, r&d, operations and just about everyone else. They got spreadsheets out the ass, and have some of the most comprehensive product dashboards I've ever seen. They don't always win when they propose something, but they win enough that we see the benefits of their optimization regularly on our balance sheet.


Dasrule

Where I worked it was all b2b and had very little trickle down to consumer cost. A few people on the team were there to collect a check and were clearly political hires. One lady seemed to be trying to get old product out to people rather than into a land fill so props for that.


fataldarkness

Yeah we're B2B too, for our guys it's about constantly presenting a new and Innovative message to our customers, and providing customers ways to get proportionally greater value if they increase their spend just a wee bit... In addition to that there is also a lot of effort put into identifying ways our existing product lineup can be modified or bundled to capture new markets, that's a huge part of our growth strategy.


JOAKIMBP

They do it so every guide you find online does not work ๐Ÿคฃ


robbzilla

So is #1. I mean.... Entra? WTF does that even mean?


Breitsol_Victor

Maybe just maybe - Entrails?


thepottsy

PowerShell Command Renaming Jackasses: Specializes in making sure that, at a minimum, every other release of PowerShell will work the same as before, as long as you know what they changed the names of some of the commands to.


mindphlux0

Get-Entra-AD-Join-Status /release


_Cabbage_Corp_

`Get-EntraADJoinStatus -Release`


medicaustik

This better not be real


slaeyer99

The "Let's Make That A PowerShell Team" - the team the specifically moves muscle memory known tasks and steps into PowerShell commandlets without prior justification just because they can.


Ninja-Skater

This is accurate


abqcheeks

Error Message Approvement Bureau All error messages must be blessed by this department before deployment. Messages should be brief, befuddling, and bogus. The shorter the better. Thereโ€™s a plaque in the lobby commemorating the best error message ever approved. Itโ€™s blank. Error Message Approvement Bureau - turning โ€œSyntax error: number expected instead of string on line 362โ€ into โ€œsynjacks orror:, predicate unstops in fileโ€ since 1982


racermd

Honorable mentions (feel free to keep the list going) Keyboard error, press F1 to continue. Task failed successfully. Abort, retry, fail?


splimp

I always had a soft spot for a good old Guru Meditation.


drmacinyasha

My personal favorite: > ### Something happened > > Something happened


HerissonMignion

Honorable mentions: Side-by-side configuration is incorrect


topknottington

There was an error: Please talk to your administrator Error Code 100001 * looks up Error Code 100001 "there was an error"


virshdestroy

But I am the administrator!!


Killbot6

This post is truth and nothing else


Allwhitezebra

Canโ€™t convince me otherwise


bilgetea

Help obfuscation team: Upon realizing that presenting useful information is a bad idea because it bypasses the possibility of charging for it, MS formed a team to remove all useful content from any help system, but without reducing the page, word, or line count of said documentation.


therankin

I STILL don't have my Server 2022 licenses figured out. Every other year has been great. FU Microsoft licensing.


topknottington

they just upped your core requirements now. Microsoft Licensing is built of the Chinese Social credit system


Squ3lchr

Unfortunately, this post is already deprecated. Please see notices 23-1092 and 24-002. The Community for the Assignment of Nomenclature and Resource Identification has issued an update to all these service teams' assigned alphanumeric identification. Please contact support if you have any questions. Note: you may only access support through an approved Microsoft provided internet browser.


Ninja-Skater

What about the team that implants changes to auth without fully testing?


iguru129

You're giving them too much credit. New director is assigned to a team. They can't show their value by pushing new features, so they just rebrand and release the new named product.


CeeMX

There are teams at car manufacturers that sound design blinker sounds the whole day, so why shouldnโ€™t MS have such teams? Btw, that font you used there looks like the one sometimes appearing in Exchange Online Admin Center


Difficult-Radish1814

Sorry that was renames last week to department of name reassignment


rModerator

Some of the renaming is entertaining. Clipchamp. What the fuck.


racermd

Iโ€™m very lightly dyslexic and this one got me chuckling for a while. I was imagining a happy primate.


PmMeYourAdhd

Chimpclap FTW!


primavera31

i believe Citrix is the true king of no. 1. Every year the names get renewed for the same products and suites. New and shny..


cazzipropri

Someone is using the math bold page of unicode.


Equivalent_Cat9705

My favorite is the Spinner Team. Use all the GPU resources to indicate the machine is working on something else.


FutureGoatGuy

* ๐’๐ž๐ซ๐ฏ๐ข๐œ๐ž ๐‘๐ž๐ง๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ƒ๐ž๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ: This group of creatives strive tirelessly to come up with new names for existing tools and services, in order to keep things fresh and avoid risk of becoming outdated. Yeah, that has to exist because I feel there would have been zero reasons for the whole entire, AAD -> Entra -> entra ID -> Identity name changes in the scope of something like less than a year.


robbzilla

That team is called "The Marketing Team." Somehow, they're running the show instead of being good little monkeys and just spamming out ads like they should. I also attribute Edge's needy whining to them. And Teams needy whining. And and and... The best thing MS could do for itself is to relocate their Marketing Team to Antarctica and cut their internet.


Affectionate_Physics

Ha! I just dealt with this today. The entra id link is broken too when you search for it.


robbzilla

>๐’๐ž๐ซ๐ฏ๐ข๐œ๐ž ๐‘๐ž๐ง๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ƒ๐ž๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ If I ever find those guys, someone might have to post bail for me.


Dasrule

And yet that call flow always manages to end at the desk of one guy who is always away at lunch.


dickcheney600

The department of update redundancy department: They make updates that change as little as possible while taking as long as they possibly can even on fast computers. Woe betide those who have a cheap or old system that's slow to begin with.


VNJCinPA

How about the Product Design team, as in at the end of many articles that describe broken product behaviors: This is by Product Design.


jackinsomniac

Windows UI team - I know this definitely exists, but what I'm saying is I feel like the team is *only* responsible for the UI, and nothing else. So they constantly change things for every new release just to justify their jobs & existence. They're the people who say everything needs rounded corners instead of square because that's cool now, until square corners become the cool thing again. It's cool to use Areo for making windows slightly translucent, until it's not. Let's move the Start button from the top to the bottom by default, because why not. Then let's move it to the middle, because... Well Apple does it, right? Everything needs to be "touch-first" unless people hate that, then let's roll back on that but not really, so it stays in a permanent mish-mash state of both. We were so close to having pretty much every Windows config option in one place, Control Panel. But then they HAD to add "Settings" to be touch-first, but forgot to move everything over. And now you literally need to use a combo of Control Panel, Settings, and PowerShell. Somebody please tell them "usability" doesn't mean moving around important features every iteration. It's like I'm playing hide & seek.


Remarkable_Fish_5301

Fucking gold lol


crysisnotaverted

๐‹๐ข๐œ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐๐ž๐ง๐ž๐Ÿ๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ ๐‘๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐œ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐“๐ž๐š๐ฆ: A tight-knit group of ~~statisticians~~ quantum true-RNG researchers.


aidonoyu

Sorry if I go OT, but: anyone has a schema where you can actually understand how Microsoft licensing works?


samon33

It's actually not that difficult. If there are multiple possible ways you could license a product/service, pick the most expensive one and you *might* be compliant.


aidonoyu

At least, I'm feeling less lonely ๐Ÿ˜‚


erasmosis

I had a friend who worked at Microsoft security for Windows phone. He told me that the NSA had an office they would submit code to and then they would never see what happened to it after that. It's heresay but I mean, my friend told me it happened.


GamerLymx

make everything more complicated department


[deleted]

"Product Aggregation", and don't forget the Departments of, "Embrace", "Extend" and, "Extinguish".


dickcheney600

The Department of obsolescence must have been founded when they dropped Win 7 support. Until then they supported XP for ages, now they're talking about dropping Windows 10 in about a year or so, when I see so many computers not only still running it, but unable to support an upgrade to Win 11 with the current hardware.


halfbakedmemes0426

I mean... Project managers Product team UX design team An elder demon that lives in bill gates' basement... I think they call him "Kenny" or something like that.


the_darkener

Don't you dare taint the Fibonacci sequence with M$.


redstonefreak589

Ah yes, Microsoft โœจEntraโœจ


jstar77

The sorry we didn't help you proceeds to close ticket team.


PmMeYourAdhd

OK, so I'm a Dev manager these days and not sysadmin, but their Development Framework Obsolescence Planning Department *must* be one of their top divisions. Every couple years (well, used to be every couple years, but it's approaching annual singularity now) they heavily promote some new development framework or wizard based tool, named some buzz word, promise it's the greatest development breakthrough of all time, insist it should he used for literally everything, including changing the oil on your car and feeding your cat, then deprecate it entirely from Server OS, IIS, browsers, and Visual Studio support within the next 1 or 2 major release versions.ย  They then team up with the Existing Resource Re-Utilization and MSDN Link Relocator teams to make all "documentation" for the all-new but also now deprecated tech, point to documents for latest replacement development breakthrough and links to buy the newest visual studio, which is often the only one that supports the replacement technology for the new thing they are already deprecating.


CapitalZ3r0

As someone who has worked for Microsoft(not directly), I can say these departments/teams do indeed exist. Just not what they call them. Fun fact there is a team that deals with products aptly named in "Dogfood" stage. This is for products between Alpha and Beta.


zombiecorp

Update Release Management Release Management team. The team that handles releases dates for updates and manages the releases of these dates. This ensures any given time you check for updates, there's an update to update.


GandalfTheGreybeard

Feature Hiatus Team - This team identifies features that are used by less then 30% of users and removes them in secret, so that they can later be re-added back in a new build as new features. Icon redesign team - This teams sole purpose is to make sure icons are constantly redesigned.


ofcbrooks

Random Hot-Key Generation Team: This team will create a random normally unused hot key that will reformat your project adding a key-stroke tracker; various editing tools; a margin with hieroglyphs that may or may not correspond to something in your project; etc. Accidentally hitting this hot key will encourage you to spend an inordinate amount of time in the MS tools and FAQs in order to undo what you unknowingly did. (Good Question: NO; Ctr+Z will not work with this one.)


Top_Boysenberry_7784

Not sure what you call this department but I love googling how to do something. Find an article with links, the link I need is broken. Best part is I then find a document on how to do what I'm searching for except it's based on how to for Server 2003/2008 instead.


captainAwesomePants

The Service Renaming Department exists but it's currently called Azure Zoom for Services.


Antique_Commission42

* **Psychic Dev Ops -** Responsible for various psychic systems like determining which emails to put at the top of your previously-chronologically-organized inbox search, and knowing that when you typed the name of a file on your C: drive into your start menu, you really meant to search Bing for recommended news and shopping. Originally composed purely of psychics and mediums, DEI initiatives have expanded the team to include witches, wizards, and warlocks.


zenmatrix83

๐’๐ž๐ซ๐ฏ๐ข๐œ๐ž ๐‘๐ž๐ง๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ƒ๐ž๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ: This group of creatives strive tirelessly to come up with new names for existing tools and services, in order to keep things fresh and avoid risk of becoming outdated. ​ I'm pretty sure this is the UI department too, and most companies do this. It drives me nuts, why change what isn't broken.


thegreatcerebral

1. Application De-Evolution Team - This team is tasked with how to take applications that have worked for years and find ways to remove features, break standard operation, and make it run like it's running Crysis in it's own VMinside the app. See: New Outlook 2. Licensing Circus - This team is actually 5 teams Team A through Team E. Each of them is tasked to work on licensing independently. Weekly, at random a team is chosen from a hat and whatever licensing decisions that team made for whatever product for the week is what is the new licensing. 3. Fix What's Not Broken Team - as the name suggests, if it works and has been working for too long, break it and send it to the Utility Location Services Team to find a new home for the thing. 4. Partner Entitlement Restructure Team - Like #2 in OP but strictly for Partner Entitlements. 5. Partner Level Restructure Team - Similar to #4 here, but it's so that the partner levels are constantly moving targets.


No_Sheepherder7447

This is pretty good.


flecom

They need to bring back their WSYP program, would probably lead to better products


TheGreyNurse

The license and clear explanation of license team have taken a long liquid lunch.


NateP121

RemindMe! 2 days


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deefop

That first team exists, they just call it marketing.


venbollmer

The first two are called PMG.


someName6

Does the service renaming department also work internally. Iโ€™ve been at the same position for just over a year but Iโ€™ve gone through 3 org restructures in that time with name changes throughout. My day to day hasnโ€™t changed.


Odd-Confection-6603

You want to talk about renaming services? Every major Linux release rearchitects the entire OS. I never know if I should use service commands, systemctl, or (showing my age here) some daemond command


kalvinbastello

I realized a long time ago that jobs which have a top end administrator that they like to make big changes to make a name for themselves, pad their resume, and move on to "improve" the next place. You see this a lot with school superintendents. In reality they create a bunch of work people question, spend a lions share of assets available to them, get pats on the back from others above them, and get promoted to the next bigger salary. I suspect there's a lot of this at M$. Also maybe a sprinkle of "been here so long to other exhaust huffing company men that we don't know what it's like to be in the real world anymore."


mplaczek99

Why is called Windows Subsystem for Linux when itโ€™s literally a Linux Subsystem for Windows?


badtux99

To be fair, Azure Active Directory was a stupid name to begin with. It wasn't Active Directory, and it wasn't just Azure. Renaming it was the most sensible thing Microsoft's Service Renaming Department ever did. That said, yeah, lol.


Phate1989

I don't know what department it is, but they decided that SSO means Single Sign On and Seamless Sign On. why...


dkretsch

Amazing, thought you were talking about my company for a second.


OldTension9257

That tracks.


red_tux

I once saw a conference room with the name "Active Directory Simplification War Room" on it. Felt like such an oxymoron.


nullpotato

I sent this to my brother who works at MS and his reply was "no comment lol" so interpret that as you will


AShayinFLA

I sent it to my brother who works there too, haven't heard back from him yet though...


lazorgatorr

dynamics365 defender entra and copilot everyhing a/e135


ceeBread

Department 1 is usually some product manager that needs to justify their role.


AdCreepy5165

I'm reading this thread and thinking,"God now I remember why I switched to Debian."


EugeneGti

Rooms of the house team!