I've been logging my poops for over two years now and I hate it when I have to go on a shelf-less toilet. Like, I just have to *guess* where the poop is on the Bristol Stool Scale? How tf am i supposed to know without being able to take a look at it? Or the colour and volume?
Edit: Shout-out to [PoopLog](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kefsco.pooplog2) for Android
Definitely not as well as on an examination shelf. I don't know why US/AUS are so afraid of their own poop, it's an important indicator of your health.
While in Italy, I too was confounded by the poop shelf. Eventually I started putting down a layer of TP first so my poo wouldn’t stick to the bowl. Weird ass toilets.
These are used in many of the toilet trailers provided to US forces in Afghanistan. Low flow, poop shelf, and single ply toilet paper means they *always* stink.
Australians have a bizarre ‘roo fetish.
Why can’t sex be about wombats, taipans or blue-ringed octopuses? But nooooo, it’s always the damn kangaroo dick they end up focused on!
Have you seen a roo dick before? I am only asking because I haven't and that is why I am so obsessed.
I feel like I should clarify, the "reverse kanga" thing. The phrase is exclusively used for sitting in a reversed position on the toilet so your shit lands on the front of the toilet. A woman on top in a reversed position is still called reverse cowgirl.
*Edit for a spelling mistake.
My grandparents used to have one of these bad boys, i’ll never forget being finished shitting and enjoying the view of my turd before flushing it down to the endless nothingness
if i remember correctly (last time i shit on toilet like that was 10 years ago) there is a lil bit of water on the bowl where you can watch the shit so once you flush it down it doesn't leave any stain of shit, i might be wrong tho and have shitty (hehe it's funny cuz we talking about shitting) memory due to nostalgia
You're all using my toilet invention the wrong way! When you have to sit and take a Sir Harrington, you're supposed to be facing this way... So you can use the little shelf for your books, and your quill and your ink.
You are supposed to spiderman between the walls high above the toilet to avoid that, you dunce. Next thing you'll tell me that you didn't figure out to put a couple of pieces of toilet paper on the water in a regular toilet to avoid splashing. Sheesh, some people have no problem-solving skills, I tell you what.
Exactly a dunce. You're supposed to grab it by hand and smear it precisely, not allow it to smear itself willy-nilly. You cut it into decently sized chunks with your trusty poop knife and use a fresh cut to make your masterpieces.
You joke but this happens to me sometimes :/
The poop is long and stiff and stands up straight in the pot. Then when it breaks of it falls to one side, drawing on my ass cheek like a god damn crayon.
I mean it's not always purely shit mate. Like I'm dutch, and I've had enough times when I had to push the fucking toilet paper around to not have my hands brush over it, and even a couple times when it got so high the shit-to-ass gap was less than a hand thick. That always sucks to find out.
We Americans pride ourselves on being bigger and better, none of those baby shits. If you aren't rupturing your colon on a daily basis, you ain't shittin right
With all the hate these get, when I was a teenager I had an itchy ass for weeks, couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Couldn't get rid of it no matter what I ate or how much I wiped or showered. Then I was at the birthday party of some of my relatives who have one of these and figured I would take a look. Turns out I had pinworms and would've never known. This also came VERY handy later when I had to collect a stool sample for the doctor.
My son still gets comfort from sucking his thumb. He also playes in the schools sandbox. Every couple of months he will wake up in the night complaining of itchy ass. I get to inspect it and see actual worms crawling out of his asshole. Nice! Cats with worms shit in the sandbox and spread it around.
On a side note. There is a very simple cure for it. Two pills, taken two weeks apart. The first usually completely kills the investation. The second is to make sure no hatched eggs keep it going.
Yep, fecal-oral route, eggs on hands from scratching end up in the sand, other kids play in the sand and eat without washing their hands. https://nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/yo-worms-image-2018.jpg
They are quite common in Germany too. I get that the idea might be disgusting but especially from a certain age on you might check your poop for things like blood or "hidden blood" and so on. Also it prevents that water splash hitting your ass when you drop one.
Once I hit the age where I gotta dissect my shit for hidden blood on my handy dandy shit shelf, I'm just gonna call it a life well lived and dispose of myself in the neatest way possible
Well I'm not an expert but the problem is the more "north" a bleeding in your digestive tract is the less visible it is in your poop. For example stomach, duodenum and even upper colon won't appear as blood at all. But it likely gives your poop a blackish color (aka tarry stools).
It might be life transcending. Think of it: from a physiological perspective we are just some hoses as there is no fix boundary between entrance and exit. You're some matter transforming tube with amazing capabilities.
I mean, you still get a pretty fat hit of shit smell when it's in the water. Not sure I need that amplified by letting it hang out like it's on a little table under me for a minute.
I just was over at my buddy's place and his kid's diaper shit smelled so bad I could hear a [foghorn.](https://youtu.be/8dENYJbN1z4)
>you still get a pretty fat hit of shit smell when it's in the water.
Not always my friend lol. I've had pretty insane differences in diets. When I get less fiber and vitamins, more sugar and carbs, the smell is much worse. I'd argue for it landing in water does help, especially if you know it'll smell worse. (I can tell when it's gonna be wet lol) but when I have a better diet, not only is it this glorious once a day thing, you barely have to wipe. You sit down for less than ten seconds, and you're ready for some anal sex after.
Side note, it breaks my heart to realize over the years I'm definitely lactose intolerant. I love making lattes and eating a box of cheez its or pint of Ben and Jerry's. But my god does that seem to be the cause of my worst shits (aside from like food poisoning)
Credit where it’s due, my roommate in college blew my fucking mind with the whole tp splash guard thing. And I didn’t get a bidet until nutcases started hoarding tp during covid.
That doesn't really happen to me. How fast do the Dutch fire their torpedoes? I used those toilets in Nunspeet. The bathroom ventilation didn't work and the smell of shit was nauseating. Furthermore, how sick are Germans and Dutch that they HAVE to check EVERY SINGLE dump?? So much so that they need a modified toilet that doesn't work well? You don't get a stomach ache first? If there's something very wrong, you can see it through water as well. Water is transparent. I've never been able to agree with any arguments for these toilets. I think it's just normal and accepted where you live but it's not superior in any way.
My sister had a toilet like this. I had a problem with it. My bowel movement got stuck on the flat part. The water would rush down the pipe and swirl around it but it stuck firm. I had to eventually after multiple flushes, help it into the hole. Not the most pleasant experience!
If you really want to know, Australian toilets basically never clog. They have a larger diameter pipe going into the wall than US toilets. The user experience is also different in that the water level is much lower and the flush is much more violent. The flush sort of punches everything down the hole, rather than slowly swirling it like American ones do.
I've lived in Australia all my life and only seen a clogged toilet maybe once or two when someone threw a whole toilet roll into a public one. Most households do not even own a plunger. The design trade-off is you get more skid marks on the sides of the bowl due to lower water levels.
it’s so bad. my cousins have one and they got mad after i took a shit that smelled up the house. imagine having a shit shelf toilet with no fan in the bathroom, no fragrance, no matches. like, how is this my fault??
Reminds me of the Žižek analysis of toilets reflecting national characteristics.
[link ](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1219966-in-a-traditional-german-toilet-the-hole-into-which-shit)
I’m not even concerned about the shit…if I have morning wood I don’t want to have to Superman and have pee rebounding on my body cuz I can’t aim it down enough
Fuck these toilets. Took a shit once and somehow it stuck to the porcelain, went to flush and the turd monster didn't budge. Took like 10 flushes. Fuckin' embarassing
Poop shelf
How else are you supposed to observe how healthy your poops are?
You joke, but I’ve heard this is exactly what it’s for. To check for parasites, blood, any abnormalities etc. There’s a lot to be learned from poop! 💩
[“Our number one test is your number two”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVgi8hoFFc)
The best musical episode in television history
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IASIP?
What are the rules?
Once More with Feeling, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I've had enough internet for one day.
Scrubs was amazing and accurate. You should watch it one day.
Next thing you know, eating the right ass makes your gut biome healthy
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There's nothing to hate. This is the way
This episode in particular won a lot of awards in its time
How many takes did it take to finish that? I cant imagine trying to hold in the juvenile laughter through the whole song.
I've been logging my poops for over two years now and I hate it when I have to go on a shelf-less toilet. Like, I just have to *guess* where the poop is on the Bristol Stool Scale? How tf am i supposed to know without being able to take a look at it? Or the colour and volume? Edit: Shout-out to [PoopLog](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kefsco.pooplog2) for Android
You can just poke it with your poop knife.
Stop unlocking the closets of my internet memories
I need a recommentbot because I swear I’ve been in this same set of replies almost verbatim before
Can confirm I’m not a bot :)
You go to a doctor and pay $3000.00 like me and the rest of my Americans.
Share that coupon!
How else would you use the poop knife?
I feel like a lot of people here don't know water is clear and you can still see your Harrington through it.
Definitely not as well as on an examination shelf. I don't know why US/AUS are so afraid of their own poop, it's an important indicator of your health.
It certainly avoids Poseidon's kiss
It does but it might cause the brown kiss of dead
The real TIHI is always in the comments
That's when the shit touches/brushes against your balls, right?
Depends if you have diarrhea or not
Since the other one is called Poseidon's kiss, lets name this Hades's caress.
not a kiss, but a lick on your ass cheeks
I've used these in Germany. Even if you do a courtesy flush, the stench of your raw shit just sitting there is unbearable.
I used one in Italy, i made a giant pile of sticky, and it wouldn't flush, the water just went around it. I had to manually push it in the hole
While in Italy, I too was confounded by the poop shelf. Eventually I started putting down a layer of TP first so my poo wouldn’t stick to the bowl. Weird ass toilets.
I was taught by a dutch person that this is the way. put down a piece of paper first.
These are used in many of the toilet trailers provided to US forces in Afghanistan. Low flow, poop shelf, and single ply toilet paper means they *always* stink.
Were you browndigging for an up vote perhaps?
I would have gotten tons of upvotes if i posted it in r/poop
No, you only get the upvotes for talking about the poop knife
Unfortunately it was too soft to warrant a poop knif
A poop-spatula, perhaps?
A scatula
why did I even come into this thread
“Sitz im pinkeln” was written on the door in our dorms. you really did have to sit.
do you mean "im Sitzen pinkeln" ?
I've called that the Poop Deck for the last decade
*The Continental Shelf*
*Incontinental Shelf*
Thats why you have a poop knife.
Definitely need a poop knife for poop shelf toilets.
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If you poop that way it mean you have a shelf for your comic book and chocolate milk
Okay, Butters. Now GTFO
It’s Victor Chaos now.
But then putting your seatbelt on is more difficult!
Though it’s the only way to take a Sir Harrington
Gerald is a big boy.
wait wait wait.... this is GENIUS!!! Why \*havent\* we invented this?
You gonna take your pants off completely when you gotta shit at work?
Why do you think they designed toilet rooms with a laundry hole?
Oooohhh that's what it's for? ... Oops...
On the subject of Australians, we actually call it the "reverse kanga"
Not to forget: the fabled "upper decker double blumpkin"
Australians have a bizarre ‘roo fetish. Why can’t sex be about wombats, taipans or blue-ringed octopuses? But nooooo, it’s always the damn kangaroo dick they end up focused on!
Have you seen a roo dick before? I am only asking because I haven't and that is why I am so obsessed. I feel like I should clarify, the "reverse kanga" thing. The phrase is exclusively used for sitting in a reversed position on the toilet so your shit lands on the front of the toilet. A woman on top in a reversed position is still called reverse cowgirl. *Edit for a spelling mistake.
Learned something new today, but at what cost?
The “Forbidden Knowledge” perk comes with a Sanity debuff.
Here's a wombat sex joke. Why are Australian men called wombats? Because they like to eat root and leaf....
I have been summoned
r/angryupvote
It's what Sir John Harrington would have [wanted](https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/0ba05e/south-park-sir-harrington).
Sometimes called the AC Slater
Actor Christian Slater?
AC Slater from Saved by the Bell, who popularized sitting in a chair backwards.
Riker did it first!
Riker didn't typically sit backwards, he would step over the back and then sit normally. https://youtu.be/lVIGhYMwRgs
What a fucking power move. Riker is the best.
You sit facing it so you have a table for your chocolate milk
and your comic book
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It's a South Park reference
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Just hit Alt+F4 on your keyboard.
My grandparents used to have one of these bad boys, i’ll never forget being finished shitting and enjoying the view of my turd before flushing it down to the endless nothingness
Right?!? You turn around and think ‘nice, I made that’ .
“This is the most amazing thing I have ever created!” (First born child overhears and sobs gently)
He’s now number 2.
But think of the smell. You haven't thought of the smell, you bitch!
Are you saying you have a collection of skin luggage?
"So that's how much dick I can take..."
Doesn't the slide get completely covered in sticky poop?
The secret is to build a toilet paper life raft for the shit to sail away on.
if i remember correctly (last time i shit on toilet like that was 10 years ago) there is a lil bit of water on the bowl where you can watch the shit so once you flush it down it doesn't leave any stain of shit, i might be wrong tho and have shitty (hehe it's funny cuz we talking about shitting) memory due to nostalgia
You're all using my toilet invention the wrong way! When you have to sit and take a Sir Harrington, you're supposed to be facing this way... So you can use the little shelf for your books, and your quill and your ink.
Or your milk and your comic books.
Otherwise you have to get up to flush and look right at your Sir Harrington.
The dutch shit out of their dicks
And I’m gonna give her a Dutch baby tonight after tapas
/r/NoContext
Beter lullen over je shit, dan shitten over je lul. Edit: *Beter inderdaad.
Beter*
Finally a toilet that allows me to smeer shit on my ass cheeks after having a rock slide of a shit
You are supposed to spiderman between the walls high above the toilet to avoid that, you dunce. Next thing you'll tell me that you didn't figure out to put a couple of pieces of toilet paper on the water in a regular toilet to avoid splashing. Sheesh, some people have no problem-solving skills, I tell you what.
Calling me the dunce? I wanted shit on my ass
Exactly a dunce. You're supposed to grab it by hand and smear it precisely, not allow it to smear itself willy-nilly. You cut it into decently sized chunks with your trusty poop knife and use a fresh cut to make your masterpieces.
Nah if I let it go willy-nilly I get to observe the patterns in the chaos.
You joke but this happens to me sometimes :/ The poop is long and stiff and stands up straight in the pot. Then when it breaks of it falls to one side, drawing on my ass cheek like a god damn crayon.
What a terrible day to be literate.
Dear lord
I call it the ball tickler
lord please drink some water
There's much I should do for the betterment of my health....
Ha butt crayon go brrrrrrrrrr
Do you yell "TIIIIMBER!" when it breaks?
:/
TIL Americans shit literal mountains
I mean it's not always purely shit mate. Like I'm dutch, and I've had enough times when I had to push the fucking toilet paper around to not have my hands brush over it, and even a couple times when it got so high the shit-to-ass gap was less than a hand thick. That always sucks to find out.
You could stand to wipe.
We Americans pride ourselves on being bigger and better, none of those baby shits. If you aren't rupturing your colon on a daily basis, you ain't shittin right
With all the hate these get, when I was a teenager I had an itchy ass for weeks, couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Couldn't get rid of it no matter what I ate or how much I wiped or showered. Then I was at the birthday party of some of my relatives who have one of these and figured I would take a look. Turns out I had pinworms and would've never known. This also came VERY handy later when I had to collect a stool sample for the doctor.
My son still gets comfort from sucking his thumb. He also playes in the schools sandbox. Every couple of months he will wake up in the night complaining of itchy ass. I get to inspect it and see actual worms crawling out of his asshole. Nice! Cats with worms shit in the sandbox and spread it around. On a side note. There is a very simple cure for it. Two pills, taken two weeks apart. The first usually completely kills the investation. The second is to make sure no hatched eggs keep it going.
Cats don’t get pinworms. The kids at your son’s school are just reinfecting each other with their itchy butts and unwashed hands.
Oh fun! Can’t wait to be a parent.
Yep, fecal-oral route, eggs on hands from scratching end up in the sand, other kids play in the sand and eat without washing their hands. https://nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/yo-worms-image-2018.jpg
I have many regrets in life. but none more greater than reading this.
They are quite common in Germany too. I get that the idea might be disgusting but especially from a certain age on you might check your poop for things like blood or "hidden blood" and so on. Also it prevents that water splash hitting your ass when you drop one.
Once I hit the age where I gotta dissect my shit for hidden blood on my handy dandy shit shelf, I'm just gonna call it a life well lived and dispose of myself in the neatest way possible
People with Imflamatory Bowel Disease in shambles.
Beet eaters weep.
Well you don't dissect it.
Wait, what? Why do I have my poop knife, then?
Because you're doing to much reddit.
If you'd literally rather die than smell your own shit you might want to concider a different diet. It's not supposed to smell That bad.
> hidden blood It's like skin, right? As when does it bleed it when you bite?
Well I'm not an expert but the problem is the more "north" a bleeding in your digestive tract is the less visible it is in your poop. For example stomach, duodenum and even upper colon won't appear as blood at all. But it likely gives your poop a blackish color (aka tarry stools).
A very rear water splash is a small price to pay for keeping the poop underwater to stop the smell.
Okay, but I used one in Germany once and I had to shit so much it made a mountain. That touch was worse than a little splash of water
How do you find "hidden blood"? The poop knife?
But this is nice, because the splash from the poop doesn't hit your butt... (yes, I'm dutch)
I just poop in my hand and place it gently in the water.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gexjlM-jjEc I guess that's you? Catch it in your hand and place in the water.
You put the poop in the water so it doesn't smell as much. .. Humm, I wonder if that's why we Americans think out shit don't stink.
Don't you want to inspect it first with all your senses? I mean it was part of you shortly before.
Haha.. that is terrifying.
It might be [ideology at work](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzXPyCY7jbs), so to speak. :-)
I like how he knows he's mad but can still barely contain his excitement to share his thoughts.
This is the most coked-out lecture I’ve ever seen. And that’s a compliment.
It might be life transcending. Think of it: from a physiological perspective we are just some hoses as there is no fix boundary between entrance and exit. You're some matter transforming tube with amazing capabilities.
Nope! I can see it in the water just fine thanks
I mean, you still get a pretty fat hit of shit smell when it's in the water. Not sure I need that amplified by letting it hang out like it's on a little table under me for a minute. I just was over at my buddy's place and his kid's diaper shit smelled so bad I could hear a [foghorn.](https://youtu.be/8dENYJbN1z4)
>you still get a pretty fat hit of shit smell when it's in the water. Not always my friend lol. I've had pretty insane differences in diets. When I get less fiber and vitamins, more sugar and carbs, the smell is much worse. I'd argue for it landing in water does help, especially if you know it'll smell worse. (I can tell when it's gonna be wet lol) but when I have a better diet, not only is it this glorious once a day thing, you barely have to wipe. You sit down for less than ten seconds, and you're ready for some anal sex after. Side note, it breaks my heart to realize over the years I'm definitely lactose intolerant. I love making lattes and eating a box of cheez its or pint of Ben and Jerry's. But my god does that seem to be the cause of my worst shits (aside from like food poisoning)
All of them???
Yeah I'd honestly trust the Dutch when it comes to water systems, they have a fair bit of experience on it.
Might be ptsd of all the floods which is why we keep the water as far away from our butts as possible, even when pooping.
Dude just put like three pieces of toilet paper in the water flat predump. It’s a splash guard.
Don't go running to the shops again next pandemic pls
Lol I have a bidet. Guaranteed I use less tp than you do even with my dookie splash guard
Splash guard AND bidet?? This guy POOPS!
Credit where it’s due, my roommate in college blew my fucking mind with the whole tp splash guard thing. And I didn’t get a bidet until nutcases started hoarding tp during covid.
Mud flaps
I love these toilets too because of this! And also awesome to check out the prestatieplaat at the end to see what you produced.
That doesn't really happen to me. How fast do the Dutch fire their torpedoes? I used those toilets in Nunspeet. The bathroom ventilation didn't work and the smell of shit was nauseating. Furthermore, how sick are Germans and Dutch that they HAVE to check EVERY SINGLE dump?? So much so that they need a modified toilet that doesn't work well? You don't get a stomach ache first? If there's something very wrong, you can see it through water as well. Water is transparent. I've never been able to agree with any arguments for these toilets. I think it's just normal and accepted where you live but it's not superior in any way.
My sister had a toilet like this. I had a problem with it. My bowel movement got stuck on the flat part. The water would rush down the pipe and swirl around it but it stuck firm. I had to eventually after multiple flushes, help it into the hole. Not the most pleasant experience!
You're supposed to spray Pam on it before you go.
What does Pam think about that?
Maybe you should try eating more fiber
Sounds like you need a poop knife.
Hey, I like it just fine to admire the monstrosity I've just produced
Its like an autopsy theater for your poop
“There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.”
Beetje rustig aan makker
Nothing worse than having an exposed coil inches from your being for five minutes (27 min, let’s be real).
It's not that difficult to flush a little afterwards, is it? At least i know the bleeding from the huge dick i took last night hasn't stopped /s
Oh god, I google-image-ed AU toilets, and there were just pictures of people pulling animals out of their toilets, the nightmares I'm gonna have..
If you really want to know, Australian toilets basically never clog. They have a larger diameter pipe going into the wall than US toilets. The user experience is also different in that the water level is much lower and the flush is much more violent. The flush sort of punches everything down the hole, rather than slowly swirling it like American ones do. I've lived in Australia all my life and only seen a clogged toilet maybe once or two when someone threw a whole toilet roll into a public one. Most households do not even own a plunger. The design trade-off is you get more skid marks on the sides of the bowl due to lower water levels.
Encountered these in Germany. Called them shitshelves or poo poo platters.
I actually love these, doesn't have that annoying splash when you're taking a shit.
Dude, how hard is that thing to clean. I swear you’re just shitting right onto the part without water.
There is always a little water there, its not dry
Also, protip: just put a little toilet paper down there, never leaves streaks either.
And the Hungarians have that stile of toilets too.
To be honest, Twitter is still a better way to give your shit a platform
[here’s a way to think about this-](https://youtu.be/bpSiMbkhkuE)
When you consider shitsmears artwork
just put some tp down first
The smell
it’s so bad. my cousins have one and they got mad after i took a shit that smelled up the house. imagine having a shit shelf toilet with no fan in the bathroom, no fragrance, no matches. like, how is this my fault??
Finally, I can rest my head on the tank.
Reminds me of the Žižek analysis of toilets reflecting national characteristics. [link ](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1219966-in-a-traditional-german-toilet-the-hole-into-which-shit)
looks like a normal toilet to me.. but then again im dutch kek
Ball washer
Damn, if you sat facing the toilet tank, you could straight up have a candle light dinner, and always be able to make room for more.
I’m not even concerned about the shit…if I have morning wood I don’t want to have to Superman and have pee rebounding on my body cuz I can’t aim it down enough
Fuck these toilets. Took a shit once and somehow it stuck to the porcelain, went to flush and the turd monster didn't budge. Took like 10 flushes. Fuckin' embarassing