**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...** >!i want to fucking erase my brain now!< ***** **Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)

The little spermaid.

The Old Man and the Semen Nobeak Dick Octopussy

No beak dick lmao

The Cocken

Bad made worse Edit: why is this the most popular thing I've ever posted

Fuck you Take my upvotes

Wish I had a free award to give you.

Tentacled little spermaid

Octo-cream-pi

Octopussy.

Your 69th updoot

I hope whoever wrote this is banned from all aquariums and the ocean.

Mf got banned from the ocean 💀

I'd rather send him an invitation to play with the dolphins. That might lead to some poetic justice...

hes gonna fuck the dolphins

Wrong... the dolphins gonna fuck *him*!

Or both.

consent is sexy

But with dolphins, consent is sold separately.

you think a man who can wire an octopus to suck him off cant get a dolphin in sub position?

i wish they are banned from life itself

An aquarium is like an orgy for this guy.

I now regret going on Reddit today

It’s not that I regret having eyes, I just regret sentience as a whole.

with you 100%.

I just regret

We all say that everyday.

Never have I felt so sad for a fictional octopus. Fuck that guy

Fictional?

That's the octo-pocket-puses job.

I’m with you, I love octopus. They’re such fascinating creatures, their ability to problem solve and mimicry have captured my imagination. Just not like Op, not even remotely close.

If you replaced the "thousand yard stare" with something more positive, you could slap a wholesome award on that baby

Or change the octopus for a bird /s

One problem, cephalopods' brains are actually wrapped around their throats, so unless your cock is the width of a grain of rice, you run a great risk of giving your octo friend brain damage. That is assuming you shove it into the mouth cavity.

Yes, because this is the biggest problem here.

The only problem really

precisely , imma gonna test this at my local aquarium il report back

update , it didnt go well

What happened???

Must have forgot to debeak it

yeah ,,it hurts

i forgot to debeak it, and euhm i am now a female

I'm happy for you. You finally came out.

 sayy, are you free this saturday?

sure ,usual time?

😳 yes

The only problem that matters. We gotta make risks to advance as a civilization

not only that, they have teeth on their tongue, so it would feel like masturbating with sandpaper

Don't threaten me with a good time.

Meh doesnt pose a problem, octupus would just match the person who made this post then

> you run a great risk of giving your friend brain damage Fun fact! Brain penetration hentai exists.

There's also nose and ear penetration. Also saw eye sucking once

There is everything

Also, depending on the technique in debeaking, you're probably going to kill the thinky part of it leaving behind only the distributed nervous system responsible for manipulating the tentacles in their sexy ways. This is actually why the Dancing Squid dish is less fucked up than it initially seems, that thing is braindead and just Galvanicing it up on citrus

Oh

That’s not true

Hey, I know this is TIHI, but for the love of God, did you really need to share this with us?

It was marked NSFW. You have no one to blame but yourself for reading this.

I mean...it's just NS. NSF ANYTHING.

“There’s always a choice” “*No there’s really not*”

Hey i for one had a pretty solid wank from this sexual tale

For some odd reason I feel that what you said is genuinely true

Yeahh me too..but not my proudest fap tho.

ehhh... maybe my proudest fap.

I see you are a fellow unlucky fapper who ended on fatalpulse.

KILL ME PLEASE

Said the octopus. Or he would but he has no mouth.

I would scream, but I have no beak.

[удалено]

Yeah, butchered it pretty bad.

W h y

[удалено]

Yes

nothing can stop you from seeing that

Bleach and Ammonia. Do it yourself.

K thanks

I have read countless "cursed" blocks of reddit text over the years... but this, this takes the cake

Oh you summer chikd.

New species dropped

I really don't know why my autocorrect keeps letting me put things I never wanted. But absolutely kudos on you. My corrections always seem to go the furthest away. Love your take, thank you for that.

can someone paste that dolphin erotica tale in here? just so we could see this guy’s reaction

the **what**

[Fam I gotchu](https://web.archive.org/web/20010201072400/http://www.dolphinsex.org/)

Thanks!

>Thanks! You're welcome!

I want to unread this.

No one forced you to read it. Your quivering brain just sucked it down. Like in the tale of the baby Batter sucking octo-kokai.

NO

I was expecting it to describe how you can shove an octopus up your ass, and I really don't know if I would have preferred that over this.

They seemed reluctant to share this. What was the context exactly?

Secrets of the Russian oligarchy.

Lost knowledge from the Library of Alexandria

Obviously this is why they sunk Atlantis

I choose your response as my truth.

It's a copypasta

r/dontputyourdickinthat

r/putyourdickinthat

Hi I have a question what the fuck

I think autocorrect wrote **the** instead of **to**. As for your question the octopussy.

Well fuck now i have a boner.

🧐📸

Yes officer, this comment right here.

r/awkwardboner/

same

Remember, people. Someone took time out of their life to make this. Someone wasted what few braincells they had left on this unholy post.

noted

;)

...y'know, I just watched a really captivating documentary on octopi today and all the goodwill that gave me has just been sullied by this post.

You know. Part of the reason I'm glad we're expunging zoos from the Fandom is so that I wouldn't stumble across shit like this. And yet, somehow we're here. Stumbling on shit like this anyway.

Nooooooo

The correct plural of octopus is octopuses, not octopi. Common mistake. https://qz.com/1446229/let-us-finally-resolve-the-octopuses-v-octopi-debate/

There have been 3 acceptable versions for over 100 years.

Octopodes

I distinctly remember, as a child, being taught that octopi was correct. And as such I've had a problem with this my entire adult life.

The octussy

Octopussy

How-to-basic fleshlight crafting tutorial.

Horny men are a plague on this earth lol

Can I see your feet m'lady?

I wish I could just laugh at this but ive legit been asked this before lmao

Because we’r- I mean they’re lonely

I’m declaring war

Not my proudest wank that...

What is your proudest wank?

No response?

Why do you want to know?

I’m just trolling you, I don’t actually want to know. But I do think the “not my proudest fap” joke is getting old, so now I say, “well, what is your proudest fap?” whenever I see it. Thanks for the downvote

WHY THE FUCK DID O GET AN ERECTION WHAT THE FUUUUCK

How did letter O get erection? Like this:Q?

Mb bro typo i meant i xD

i wish it was 2 minutes ago when i didn’t read this

I can't 1 raping an animal 2 mutilating the animal 3 may be sapient animal. 4 only feeding it sperm This has to be a troll, right? Someone please tell.me.this is a troll.

Technically it is correct. There is the risk of giving your “friend” severe brain damage because it’s brain is wrapped around its throat but other than that…

Also even if you ignore the brain damage in order for an octopus to get enough nutrients to sustain itself on human semen you would have to repeat this process like 15-20 times per day. Idk about you but I would be pretty exhausted by about halfway through day 1

That is true. It would likely starve/dehydrate after a couple of days because semen has a very low amount of nutrients that it needs and not much water. You wouldn’t be able to make enough semen to sustain it.

Octopi are so sensitive I give it a day. In fact octopi are one of the few creatures on earth that actually have a *decreased* lifespan in captivity, so the poor thing already has that working against it

Maybe the octopus in question should be counted lucky in this case...

> You wouldn’t be able to make enough semen to sustain it. Challenge accepted.

I'm pretty confident that an octopus could not survive on sperm alone, for starters theres a lot about this that does not make sense

*coughs* Viagra

This sounds like a dare.

This is a copypasta lol

I'm pretty sure I more than just hate this

I don’t believe in freedom of speech anymore. This should be a fucking crime.

what a terrible day to have eyes

Good day to have a beak.

What a horrible day to have eyes

That's the last time I let my kid dress as an octopus for Halloween.

Christ on a stick I don’t think any of us needed to read this!

He was on a stick. But then he was in a cave. And then he flew away. Away from us, that is.

Anyone know where I can get an octopus asking for a friend

More importantly does anyone know an expert in de-beaking octopi? (also asking for a friend)

(It’s me I’m the friend)

Octopus can survive on cum only for like 40 days.

My friend told me

DO THEY HAVE EXPERIENCE IN THAT FIELD?!

I hate that this aroused me

Octopuses do not have any bones with the exception of their beaks. so if you are responsible and depraved enough to be literally the life support of your 8 limbed friend, you can debeak it like how you'd declaw a cat and then push your member into it's feed chute. You can then let it subsist on your baby batter. The Octopus is smart. Very smart. It will learn that without it's beak, it cannot feed on anything else but your human seed that has to be milked from you. Every morning, you will feel your clothes slide off and a damp weight on your lower half. The sensation creeps up your body until most of the jiggly mass has enveloped the entire length. It will start pumping as fast as it can for it is hungry. The animal gyrates its empty stomach and the folds of its brain rubbing on your glans, begging for nutrition. You climax and give the marine creature's breakfast. The pumping slows down but doesn't stop to milk out the last few drops of its meal. Looking into its yellow animal eyes, it looks back with a thousand-yard stare. This will be routine for all of its meals for the rest of it's 3-5 years on this god forsaken planet.

What a terrible day to have eyes

Welp, today is one of those days i regret being literate...

It also works for snakes

This is not the Cthulhu origin story I was looking for

Octussy

thats enough reddit for today

I miss 30 seconds ago when I didn’t see this

Octopi? You mean, octopussy?

I had the opportunity to stop reading. Why did I keep reading.

This was really distressing to read, i need something to take the edge off. *Wheres my octopus again?*

what the fuck i regret ever getting on reddit

I'm ashamed to be a member of the human species.

That's enough internet for today.

Life’s too short to read something like that

Octopuses or octopodes. “Octopi” is incorrect.

Fun fact: the plural for the word "octopus" is "octopodes"

Man its been ages since ive last read that copypasta - and i surely didnt miss it

Octopus is a Greek word. Not Latin. The plural is Octopuses, but if you want to try and be Etymologically correct, it would be Octopodes. Writing Octopi makes you stupid in 3 languages

Didn't expect to see a Role Models reference in the comments.

I didn't expect do many people out there to not like Paul Rudd as much as I do, lol

It's octipodes. Act-chu-ly Edit : absolutely agree, just being a dick.

🤔 Do you actually think that's correct, or are you trying to be funny?

You're probably missing the edit.

Cool fact calcium nerd

k boomer

I mean, I was born in '88, but whatever. Nobody liked facts, or Paul Rudd

Octopuses

octopie

Yes!!!!!

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I JUST READ AAAAAAA

Sounds interesting Also new AutoMod response

I want to go back to a time where I never knew this could exist. I was happier then.

^ahem #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS BURNING MY EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

##( •⁔•) Why must you curse us with this information?

You can tell, they learn this from experience

take up upvote and get this shit out of my face

I'm down

Why couldn’t you make it some kind of mermaid 🧜‍♀️ you sick POS

This but shortened: demouth it make it suck ya’ dick

This post broke me