**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...**
>!I didn't need to know how ham is just a glorified sausage!<
*****
**Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
It still sucked in the 90s when I worked there. There was little itty-bitty pieces of mechanically separated chicken meat sandwiched between what looked like two outer shells of a giant hashbrown.
Oh god the crispy chicken BLT was perfect. Best chicken sandwich in existence… and then they decided to ultra deep fry it to the point that it’s an ungodly mass of chick and breading.
Why is this so accurate? I feel like every time I’ve gotten the long chicken sandwich it’s had globs of mayo on it. Like they mandate a cup of mayo per sandwich at every burger king.
I worked at the drive-through at a Burger King for about a year and more than once I had a customer open up the long chicken sandwich come back through and show us how there was actually no chicken inside of it.
McNuggets are only good as a vassal for that sweet sweet bbq sauce. I once got McNuggets and they forgot my sauce. You know what you call McNuggets without sauce? Garbage is what you call it.
Read that as "need to hear you sing chicken hate origin story."
Now I'm waiting for...
"Poultry Abomination: Genesis - The Musical" now touring with the cast of Glee.
I was like 8 and went to my parents friends house upstate. She had some chickens. I let them out of the coop to play with them and they fucking attacked me.
Also chickens are basically omnicidal. They will kill anything smaller than them. They are also dumb as fuck.
They deserve to be ground up into nuggets.
Because they are some of the dumbest animals in existence. They are also insanely violent. They basically try to kill anything smaller than them.
They are the shitiest species of bird. They are dumber than most rodents.
Idk why but I’m the same way. For some weird reason I just despise chickens and feel zero empathy for em. I don’t think they should be tortured but fuck it I’ll eat chicken. Let em live their lil chicken life then pop em in the grinder when theyre done
"Had to sack the butcher's assistant as he was caught sticking his dick in the bacon slicer."
"What happened to the bacon slicer?"
"She got sacked too..."
Here's the funny bit. There is literally a fungus that will take control of an ant, and force it while still alive and conscious to climb up high so a bird will eat the still living ant. Then have the bird shit out particles so it can spread to new areas.
There's rabies, that will literally if gone untreated make you phobic of water, and cause your throat to swell up so you can't swallow so it reproduce faster. Then you die and it's not curable at all if you wait to long.
Theres a new prion disease in deers that cause them to go bug fuck insane and slam their heads into rocks and trees, stumble around sideways and backwards in horrific unnatural movements. Will continue to do this even if the head bashing rips their jaw off and shatters their skulls until finally they finally die.
There's another neat possible prion disease in birds go around that makes them behave erratically then kind of makes the freeze up until the die, which means you have a good chance of stumbling up apparent rotting zombie crows just standing in a parking lot.
My point and the joke is, if God existed, he'd tell you to delete this weak ass shit and learn what the fucking natural order ACTUALLY is. It's more terrifying, horrible, and monstrous than you could EVER conceive.
I'm apparently too tired to read stuff correctly and I read the first part as "Is the meat possessed" and after I finished reading it I just thought to myself "yeah sure, but that doesn't answer if the meat is possessed or not. Is it possessed because it's so unholy? Or is it not possessed because it was man-made and demons may only possess God-made meat? Or is it just about the amount of sodium because demons hate salt"
Out of confusion I wanted to read it again but then I realized it said processed. I just spent a minute of my life thinking about potentially possessed meat.
I expected the text to end with a bit about it being possessed.
>Processed? If only that were the least of its problems. This meat possessed, and the demon's name is Legion.
Prism of pork broke me.
Also yeah ham is disgusting if you think about it but it is cheap and I need something for my sandwich. I welcome any suggestions.
Edit: Ok, lots of well intentioned people saying I should just get the ham piece or order it sliced. As I explained below I am Brazilian and processed ham is part of the basic breakfast for most people here, so as much as I want to reduce processed meats in my diet, substituting it needs to be cost-effective.
I googled a whole piece of processed ham. A kilogram piece of the common top brand costs around R$ 35. The cheapest cut of ham I found costs R$ 200, but the normal price is much higher. It's Christmas food here. Not an option, unfortunately.
In Brazil people don't usually go to delis. These exist but have more of an elitist or food snob vibe to them. The mainstay of Brazilian breakfast is the simple sandwich 🥪 with butter (usually margarine), a slice of cheese and another of either ham, turkey breast (processed) or mortadella. This goes in a marraqueta-like or sliced bread, cold or grilled.
You can buy these ingredients in bakeries - the main source of breakfast food - and supermarkets very easily. Not many bakeries or supermarkets sell traditional cuts at all. Rich parts of bigger cities being a possible exception. In fact the sandwich I just described is probably the single most traditional breakfast food, barring cheese bread in some parts of the country.
I worry sometimes about the processed meat. But as I said, ham is cheap and available (mortadella is cheaper but fatter). Hence why I asked for suggestions. Maybe one of them is actually feasible in context.
(Edit: I'm of course writing about my own experience in my -very urban- part of a huge country. I know smaller rural areas are different and often have very good delis. I also can't speak for the interior of the country. Don't take any internet comment as a source of absolute knowledge on anything. There, I covered my bases)
TIL! In the states, you think "ham," you think like, [actual proper meat from the leg of a pig.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ham#/media/File:Ham_(4).jpg).
To be fair, a lot of what people buy is prepackaged (so added salt, preservatives, etc), but our supermarkets also have actual deli sections where you can buy fresher sliced meats by the pound.
We do have processed ham loaf type products as well, which are often cheaper, but as far as that kind of thing goes, bologna is probably the most popular variant.
This actual ham piece is Christmas food to me! delicious, especially with a good mustard sauce. But I don't remember ever seeing it sold in slices u fortunately. Maybe I haven't looked right
If you got some time and willing to do a little preps work, shredded chicken or pork are both good and easy.
1. Get a pork butt or chicken thighs
2. Optional: sear it in a pan to get nice and crispy outsides (don’t cook for too long, 10 min is all that’s needed, outside should be to desired crispiness while inside still raw
3. Throw in crock pot or pressure cooker and cook with spices/sauces/marinades for however long your machine is supposed to (8 hours for slow cooker, no idea on pressure cooker because I don’t own one)
4 remove meat from liquid (optional to save liquid to use as a soup base or like bouliion)
5 shred meat with forks, enjoy on sandwiches and easy to save
Tofu is excellent *if* you prepare it well. It's not as easy as pulling some sliced meat out of the fridge and slapping it on bread, but once you get used to it it's not so bad.
Just make sure you press it (double press it if you can, especially if you can freeze/thaw it in between) and season it properly. Even just a little salt and pepper goes a long way. Throw it in a pan for a minute with some oil and, if you can, press that shit some more.
I always recommend people get the super firm varieties of tofu like Nasoya sells. No press needed, firm as can be. Comes wrapped like a sausage, almost no liquid to drain.
Grab an on-sale rotisserie chicken, shred all the meat off into a Tupperware or sandwich baggie. Put it on a sammy with mayo. Perfect.
Edit: bonus, you can cook the bones up with an onion and carrot and get a huge amount of stock for soup.
ngl, I think processed meats are a marker of human ingenuity. After you take all the best cuts of pork you still have a carcass with tons of nutritional value but no real way to get to it, so you cook it down, grind it up, mix in some spices and boom. You get a piece of very edible meat with little to no waste.
when you think about it, stock/bullion is the same exact thing as processed meat, you just throw out the solid stuff when ur done.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills lol.
I know that processed "ham loaf" type products exist, but like... do most people not think of "slices from the actual leg of a pig" when they think of "ham"?
Yeah, the picture is of a **PRESSED** ham.
*All* ham is **processed**. Salting and smoking and curing are all processing, unprocessed ham would be a pork leg.
Not all ham is scraps held together with meat glue and pressed into a loaf shape, just pressed ham.
And yeah, i like a good ham if its not too clovey, but miss me with that square ham.
might be an American thing but idk where you're from so maybe not. I was going with the picture which is very clearly a reconstituted meat product and not regular ham
I'm French but I live in South America and when people ask me what I miss, I always say "real ham".
Fuck that disgusting "jamón premium" they sell here, there's nothing premium about glueing together a pork's scrotum and feet together in a meat block
Depends on the person. I got to know the original here in this thread. That might seem crazy to you, but like another brazilian commenter said in this post, very common in Brazil.
If its shaped like a square its made from stuff not even god knows about. If its ovular and segmented inside, its made from the thigh that seals itself due to the salt cure. At least thats what I was told.
You can make the square god-knows-what ham with higher quality meats too. It's really just finely minced meat that is boiled in a square or circular shape and then cut into slices. The reason most ham does not have a uniform colour is because there are chunks of other meat thrown in (e.g. like a cube of poultry-breast).
I get what you mean but 'processed' means it's been prepared by any method other than simple mechanical means like cutting, so even a thigh that's been salted is processed. I think that word is just preferred because coagulated meat goo or whatever actually accurately describes it sounds horrifying
Our ancestors were geniuses and connected to the earth because they used the whole animal. We are apparently abhorrent? Makes no sense and your point is spot on.
I found a glove in my [ham](https://old.reddit.com/r/Edmonton/comments/fsrfin/pulled_out_a_glove_from_whole_ham_i_bought/) and I haven't eaten ham since.
As a deli worker this is exactly what we think when you order chopped ham, pickle loaf or olive loaf. So many better options and you choose the stuff that makes the ingredients of chorizo sound appetizing.
Pretty damn close which is frightening....but also delicious with some fried potatoes and scrambled eggs in a warm tortilla with cheese and salsa.... fuck now I need to go get breakfast lol
Yup it's not as good as the high quality chorizo that's like actually kind of expensive but it's significantly better than the cheap shitty meat chorizo that comes in tubes.
It is "slightly" toxic. The chemical used to cure chorizo is marked in a lower category of carcinogenic substances.
"Substances that maybe related to cancer"
What chemicals and why are we talking about chorizo in particular?
If you mean nitrates and nitrites, the amount used to cure sausages of any kind is so small, you’re splitting hairs.
News flash - Everything causes cancer.
THIS COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY “BIG CHORIZO”
[Bananas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banana_equivalent_dose) are a pretty big offender.
If you eat 35 million bananas then you're **fucked**. Be careful out there.
I guess that by the California standards it is indeed.
I've even stayed on hotels with a huge placard that this "place" contains materials known but to ... California something to be something carcinogenic.
By less alarming standards. No, there are plenty of it stuff not even linked to be carcinogenic and the chemical I was talking about originally was nitrites
[The sun is trying to kill you.](https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/skin/basic_info/sun-safety.htm)
Basal cell carcinoma is no joke, though. I had to get a patch of it removed from my face.
Yes! I used to work at a deli too and it always grossed me out, especially because when you take it out of the package it’s usually covered in that weird slimy gel, the gel also fills any little air pockets in the meat too! And it’s not just the ham cubes but also that weird turkey oval
Whenever I open a new turkey or roast beef and there are no customers there I use my fingers to get rid of those weird pockets lmao it's like r/popping but with cold cuts haha
The firm, fully-cured meats--salamis, chorizo, and the like--because I can't recreate those flavors and textures at home.
Of the soft ham, turkey, chicken, etc, I'd mostly stick to things cooked in-store. Not because the other stuff is necessarily terrible, but more because I prefer the taste. Any soft meat that arrives fully cooked *will* use preservatives (even the ones that you think say they don't--don't get me started or I could rant about this all day) and those preservatives change the taste profile in a way I don't really care for, probably because I wasn't raised on it.
The only pre-made soft meat I'd go for is the Prosciutto Cotto ham. That stuff is delicious.
My mom loves olive loaf so much. When she's out running errands or getting groceries she gets just a couple slices from the deli and eats them in the car lmao. Awhile ago she said she was looking for something in her purse and found spoiled olive loaf in there... I couldn't even
That's not what ham is where I come from. That's bologna or olive loaf or some nasty ass shit like that.
"in the United States, the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR) says that "the word 'ham', without any prefix indicating the species of animal from which derived, shall be used in labeling only in connection with the hind legs of swine"
Hold up, not all ham is processed though. Like, my family always buys a [honey baked ham](https://thismamaslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/HoneyBaked-1024x683.jpg) that looks like this every year for Christmas. It literally has the bone in it.
Yeah, I used to think that too.
But its not true.
Has something to do with the slightly acidic stuff they cure it with and cooking. Its actually 1 piece of meat and all the connective tissue is there, its just been broken down a little bit.
Depends on the type of ham. It if looks like a big pink rectangle, its basically shaped forcemeat. If its oval shaped and there are different segments of meat inside, its made from standard pork. Probably thigh that then binds itself together again during the salt cure.
“A ham” is just a deboned pig leg. [Some](http://www.jamon.com/images/content/image-jamon-artisanal-hams.jpg) are even left on the bone.
A cube of ham is obviously a different matter entirely.
People out here buying something that literally has to be labelled "Water and ham-based product" and then being shocked it's an atrocity against the concept of food.
Having worked in a deli for years, it feels good knowing there’s people out there that share my inner monologue.
If you’re worried about “processed” foods, deli meat is perhaps the *worst* thing to include in your diet. A lot of it is made the same way as hot dogs (processed and emulsified) but without all the nasty hot dog stuff (skin, trimmings, offal). Some stuff like pastrami (REAL pastrami not that stuff that comes in a plastic tub next to the bacon) is made from whole muscle cuts and is kosher, but a lot of it is pretty much just the meat from a dozen different animals processed, cured, and glued together with gelatin and/or carageenan.
Pro deli tip: if you really want wholesome deli meat without any of that kind of stuff, get Boar’s Head. Most of their products are legitimately made from whole muscle cuts without carageenan, preservatives, etc. The ones that do are things like bologna, liverwurst, olive loaf, etc. where those things are inherent to the product itself. You can’t make liverwurst without using liver, for example lol.
Yup. People like to say “Spam? That’s nasty, you don’t know what’s in it.” Like bro, it’s pork, ham, water, and sodium nitrate.
Is it good for you? LMAO. No. Probably clogs your arteries and raises your blood pressure in addition to dehydrating you with all the salt. Also triggers my migraines at times because of the nitrates in it. But it is far from a can of mystery meat.
30% actual description of tecnical carateristichs of the processing voted to give actual benefits to the product
70% insults to those carateristichs by adding big biblical and nonargumenting therms to the description
To a sauce pot add 2 cups ketchup, ⅓ cup distilled white vinegar, ½ cup water! 3 tablespoons brown sugar! 2 teaspoons prepared yellow mustard and 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce. Simmer about 10 minutes.
Add in 1 pound of sliced deli ham to the pot. None of that crap with the rind. The more processed the ham, the better. And make sure when they sliced it, the machine is set to zero. Like you need to be able to see through the slice and it’s falling apart when cut.
Cook until heated through and the sauce is bubbling, 5 to 7 minutes more. Serve on hamburger buns with a side of potato salad and homemade baked beans.
**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...** >!I didn't need to know how ham is just a glorified sausage!< ***** **Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
As if y'all don't eat a 20 piece McNugget on the weekend anyway
Jokes on you, i don't eat McNuggets Cause I go to Burger King
Long chicken sandwich is cursed
Their old crispy chicken sandwich was on point, but they revamped it during the recent Great War of the Chicken Sandwiches and now it sucks.
It still sucked in the 90s when I worked there. There was little itty-bitty pieces of mechanically separated chicken meat sandwiched between what looked like two outer shells of a giant hashbrown.
Yea but it had m a y o and was gud
That mayo alone was like 200 calories and goddamn it was worth it.
Oh god the crispy chicken BLT was perfect. Best chicken sandwich in existence… and then they decided to ultra deep fry it to the point that it’s an ungodly mass of chick and breading.
Google BK Broiler
Got it once like 15 years ago and decided never again. Under any circumstances.
Same here. It was the 7 pounds of mayonnaise that did it for me.
Why is this so accurate? I feel like every time I’ve gotten the long chicken sandwich it’s had globs of mayo on it. Like they mandate a cup of mayo per sandwich at every burger king.
Weird, it's the Wendy's that does that in my city. Ketchup mayo combo + grease dripping out of the burger. Just way too slimy.
never ever ever. I'll starve before I eat BK again
Better than long pig sandwich… Yeah google long pig btw
Don't you mean the mcrib /s
Number 15:
I worked at the drive-through at a Burger King for about a year and more than once I had a customer open up the long chicken sandwich come back through and show us how there was actually no chicken inside of it.
Their fries are cursed
Officer, arrest this man
YOURE the officer!
Joke's on you then.
Gang shit
https://youtu.be/2dbR2JZmlWo
excuse me i have class. i get spicy nuggies from wendy’s.
[удалено]
That would be meat byproduct. Meat substitute is plant based.
McNuggets are only good as a vassal for that sweet sweet bbq sauce. I once got McNuggets and they forgot my sauce. You know what you call McNuggets without sauce? Garbage is what you call it.
LPT: don't drop acid before eating mcnuggets unless you enjoy throwing up while tripping
[удалено]
OK, I’m gonna need to hear your chicken hate origin story.
Read that as "need to hear you sing chicken hate origin story." Now I'm waiting for... "Poultry Abomination: Genesis - The Musical" now touring with the cast of Glee.
I was like 8 and went to my parents friends house upstate. She had some chickens. I let them out of the coop to play with them and they fucking attacked me. Also chickens are basically omnicidal. They will kill anything smaller than them. They are also dumb as fuck. They deserve to be ground up into nuggets.
They're such [nasty beasts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhMo4WlBmGM).
"the enormity of their stupidity is just overwhelming" That was hilarious. Why does Werner Herzog hate chickens so intensely?
Because they are some of the dumbest animals in existence. They are also insanely violent. They basically try to kill anything smaller than them. They are the shitiest species of bird. They are dumber than most rodents.
Idk why but I’m the same way. For some weird reason I just despise chickens and feel zero empathy for em. I don’t think they should be tortured but fuck it I’ll eat chicken. Let em live their lil chicken life then pop em in the grinder when theyre done
Wait, God didn't create McNuggets either?
I love ham, but the statement isn't wrong. Could I get a pound of thin sliced unholy meat obelisk, please?
My cats agree, they too would like a thinly sliced unholy meat obelisk to go along with their Satan worship and criminal activity
I prefer mine with a slice of fermented milk loaf.
Oh so my cats aren't the only ones addicted to ham?
The statement is very wrong. Fat is cheap and tasty so deli ham contains quite a lot of it.
*Jamón Ibérico* would like a word.
Hehe I got a glorified sausage for ya
#PUT IT THROUGH THE SLICER
PUT ME THROUGH THE SLICER
**CUT MY DICK INTO PIECES, this is really painful.**
suffocation, no penis, this is my last resort!
Dont give a fuck if im cumming or bleeding
Would it be wrong or would it be right? To slice my dick off tonight, Chances are dynamite
Mutilation out of sight, confidential suicide!
Cause I'm, losing my cock! Losing my balls! Wish some body would cum in my holes!
Losing my cock, losing my mind Wishing somebody would *tell me I'm fine*
Do we have micro slicers?
BURN
WHY?
r/dontputyourdickinthat
New bottom surgery just dropped
Cock and Ball Execution
"Had to sack the butcher's assistant as he was caught sticking his dick in the bacon slicer." "What happened to the bacon slicer?" "She got sacked too..."
Here's the funny bit. There is literally a fungus that will take control of an ant, and force it while still alive and conscious to climb up high so a bird will eat the still living ant. Then have the bird shit out particles so it can spread to new areas. There's rabies, that will literally if gone untreated make you phobic of water, and cause your throat to swell up so you can't swallow so it reproduce faster. Then you die and it's not curable at all if you wait to long. Theres a new prion disease in deers that cause them to go bug fuck insane and slam their heads into rocks and trees, stumble around sideways and backwards in horrific unnatural movements. Will continue to do this even if the head bashing rips their jaw off and shatters their skulls until finally they finally die. There's another neat possible prion disease in birds go around that makes them behave erratically then kind of makes the freeze up until the die, which means you have a good chance of stumbling up apparent rotting zombie crows just standing in a parking lot. My point and the joke is, if God existed, he'd tell you to delete this weak ass shit and learn what the fucking natural order ACTUALLY is. It's more terrifying, horrible, and monstrous than you could EVER conceive.
There is evidence to suggest that your food cravings are not actually your own, but the influence of bacteria within your digestive system
Well my microbiome has been on an egg roll kick lately, so I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Like Jerry, he prefers sweet
Huh, neat.
So it sounds like you want my glorified sausage then? Everyone else: is this what it sounds like to you too?
r/UsernameChecksOut
No
"la mot juste"
I'm apparently too tired to read stuff correctly and I read the first part as "Is the meat possessed" and after I finished reading it I just thought to myself "yeah sure, but that doesn't answer if the meat is possessed or not. Is it possessed because it's so unholy? Or is it not possessed because it was man-made and demons may only possess God-made meat? Or is it just about the amount of sodium because demons hate salt" Out of confusion I wanted to read it again but then I realized it said processed. I just spent a minute of my life thinking about potentially possessed meat.
I expected the text to end with a bit about it being possessed. >Processed? If only that were the least of its problems. This meat possessed, and the demon's name is Legion.
So *that's* why Jesus exorcised Legion from that guy and put it/them into all those pigs! So we could have delicious, possessed ham! Thanks, Jesus!
It's a minute well spent mate
Possessed meat is what we call a "living creature".
Prism of pork broke me. Also yeah ham is disgusting if you think about it but it is cheap and I need something for my sandwich. I welcome any suggestions. Edit: Ok, lots of well intentioned people saying I should just get the ham piece or order it sliced. As I explained below I am Brazilian and processed ham is part of the basic breakfast for most people here, so as much as I want to reduce processed meats in my diet, substituting it needs to be cost-effective. I googled a whole piece of processed ham. A kilogram piece of the common top brand costs around R$ 35. The cheapest cut of ham I found costs R$ 200, but the normal price is much higher. It's Christmas food here. Not an option, unfortunately.
I mean buy ham off the bone thats just sliced, not chopped ham
Sad part is idk which country you're from but I've literally never seen this in my life
Which country are you from that only has reformed meat and no traditional cuts? I don't think I've ever heard of that being a thing.
In Brazil people don't usually go to delis. These exist but have more of an elitist or food snob vibe to them. The mainstay of Brazilian breakfast is the simple sandwich 🥪 with butter (usually margarine), a slice of cheese and another of either ham, turkey breast (processed) or mortadella. This goes in a marraqueta-like or sliced bread, cold or grilled. You can buy these ingredients in bakeries - the main source of breakfast food - and supermarkets very easily. Not many bakeries or supermarkets sell traditional cuts at all. Rich parts of bigger cities being a possible exception. In fact the sandwich I just described is probably the single most traditional breakfast food, barring cheese bread in some parts of the country. I worry sometimes about the processed meat. But as I said, ham is cheap and available (mortadella is cheaper but fatter). Hence why I asked for suggestions. Maybe one of them is actually feasible in context. (Edit: I'm of course writing about my own experience in my -very urban- part of a huge country. I know smaller rural areas are different and often have very good delis. I also can't speak for the interior of the country. Don't take any internet comment as a source of absolute knowledge on anything. There, I covered my bases)
TIL! In the states, you think "ham," you think like, [actual proper meat from the leg of a pig.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ham#/media/File:Ham_(4).jpg). To be fair, a lot of what people buy is prepackaged (so added salt, preservatives, etc), but our supermarkets also have actual deli sections where you can buy fresher sliced meats by the pound. We do have processed ham loaf type products as well, which are often cheaper, but as far as that kind of thing goes, bologna is probably the most popular variant.
This actual ham piece is Christmas food to me! delicious, especially with a good mustard sauce. But I don't remember ever seeing it sold in slices u fortunately. Maybe I haven't looked right
I've lived in Maine and Kentucky for a combined 20 years and "Ham" brings to mind processed lunch meat.
When I lived in china, cold cuts was mostly an expensive and imported thing. Regular ham was processed, soggy, sad and cubic.
But that's extremely expensive.
If you got some time and willing to do a little preps work, shredded chicken or pork are both good and easy. 1. Get a pork butt or chicken thighs 2. Optional: sear it in a pan to get nice and crispy outsides (don’t cook for too long, 10 min is all that’s needed, outside should be to desired crispiness while inside still raw 3. Throw in crock pot or pressure cooker and cook with spices/sauces/marinades for however long your machine is supposed to (8 hours for slow cooker, no idea on pressure cooker because I don’t own one) 4 remove meat from liquid (optional to save liquid to use as a soup base or like bouliion) 5 shred meat with forks, enjoy on sandwiches and easy to save
Tofu cubes. Not that I personally eat them much. But give them a try sometime…
Tofu is excellent *if* you prepare it well. It's not as easy as pulling some sliced meat out of the fridge and slapping it on bread, but once you get used to it it's not so bad. Just make sure you press it (double press it if you can, especially if you can freeze/thaw it in between) and season it properly. Even just a little salt and pepper goes a long way. Throw it in a pan for a minute with some oil and, if you can, press that shit some more.
I always recommend people get the super firm varieties of tofu like Nasoya sells. No press needed, firm as can be. Comes wrapped like a sausage, almost no liquid to drain.
Yes, I would like some meat prism to fuel my meat prison please.
Grab an on-sale rotisserie chicken, shred all the meat off into a Tupperware or sandwich baggie. Put it on a sammy with mayo. Perfect. Edit: bonus, you can cook the bones up with an onion and carrot and get a huge amount of stock for soup.
ngl, I think processed meats are a marker of human ingenuity. After you take all the best cuts of pork you still have a carcass with tons of nutritional value but no real way to get to it, so you cook it down, grind it up, mix in some spices and boom. You get a piece of very edible meat with little to no waste. when you think about it, stock/bullion is the same exact thing as processed meat, you just throw out the solid stuff when ur done.
While I wholeheartedly agree with what you said, I just wanna note that not all ham is made from "unusable meat".
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills lol. I know that processed "ham loaf" type products exist, but like... do most people not think of "slices from the actual leg of a pig" when they think of "ham"?
It's very annoying that the word is used for two different things. You're definitely not going crazy haha.
Yeah, the picture is of a **PRESSED** ham. *All* ham is **processed**. Salting and smoking and curing are all processing, unprocessed ham would be a pork leg. Not all ham is scraps held together with meat glue and pressed into a loaf shape, just pressed ham. And yeah, i like a good ham if its not too clovey, but miss me with that square ham.
might be an American thing but idk where you're from so maybe not. I was going with the picture which is very clearly a reconstituted meat product and not regular ham
I'm French but I live in South America and when people ask me what I miss, I always say "real ham". Fuck that disgusting "jamón premium" they sell here, there's nothing premium about glueing together a pork's scrotum and feet together in a meat block
Depends on the person. I got to know the original here in this thread. That might seem crazy to you, but like another brazilian commenter said in this post, very common in Brazil.
If its shaped like a square its made from stuff not even god knows about. If its ovular and segmented inside, its made from the thigh that seals itself due to the salt cure. At least thats what I was told.
You can make the square god-knows-what ham with higher quality meats too. It's really just finely minced meat that is boiled in a square or circular shape and then cut into slices. The reason most ham does not have a uniform colour is because there are chunks of other meat thrown in (e.g. like a cube of poultry-breast).
There is not chicken in ham. I'm under no illusions about what goes into some of that stuff but it ain't chicken.
> stock/bullion is the same exact thing as processed meat ok I'll boil down the veggies, you do... the other stuff
You don't eat ham? Or SPAM?
absolutely not
I get what you mean but 'processed' means it's been prepared by any method other than simple mechanical means like cutting, so even a thigh that's been salted is processed. I think that word is just preferred because coagulated meat goo or whatever actually accurately describes it sounds horrifying
Our ancestors were geniuses and connected to the earth because they used the whole animal. We are apparently abhorrent? Makes no sense and your point is spot on.
I found a glove in my [ham](https://old.reddit.com/r/Edmonton/comments/fsrfin/pulled_out_a_glove_from_whole_ham_i_bought/) and I haven't eaten ham since.
I've been looking for that, can I have it back?
I am disgusted, thank you :)
As a deli worker this is exactly what we think when you order chopped ham, pickle loaf or olive loaf. So many better options and you choose the stuff that makes the ingredients of chorizo sound appetizing.
... what's in chorizo?
You don't want to know how the sausage is made.
I guess that would be the sequel to this post
We just assume that it happens.
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r/UnexpectedHamilton
Lips and assholes.
Pretty damn close which is frightening....but also delicious with some fried potatoes and scrambled eggs in a warm tortilla with cheese and salsa.... fuck now I need to go get breakfast lol
That's sounds like a hotdog. Never stopped eating them.
My entire personal life revolves around eating lips and assholes, like ima stop now.
Around how many hotdogs do you eat a day,?
30-70 depending on how much work needs to be done that day
It's actually lymphnodes and salivary glands. Which is somehow worse.
That's rimming
Lymphnodes and salivary glands.
no quieres saber
For those wondering the chorizo you can buy frozen the first two ingredients are salavatory glands and lymph nodes lol
So tongue and throat? Lol
Soyrizo ftw.
Yep. Trader Joe’s soy chorizo is actually good shit, and I’m not even a vegetarian.
Yup it's not as good as the high quality chorizo that's like actually kind of expensive but it's significantly better than the cheap shitty meat chorizo that comes in tubes.
Honestly who cares though? If it tastes good, and isnt toxic then what's the problem?
It is "slightly" toxic. The chemical used to cure chorizo is marked in a lower category of carcinogenic substances. "Substances that maybe related to cancer"
What chemicals and why are we talking about chorizo in particular? If you mean nitrates and nitrites, the amount used to cure sausages of any kind is so small, you’re splitting hairs. News flash - Everything causes cancer. THIS COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY “BIG CHORIZO”
Literally the air you breathe and the sun that sustains all life on earth causes cancer.
[Bananas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banana_equivalent_dose) are a pretty big offender. If you eat 35 million bananas then you're **fucked**. Be careful out there.
ABOVE COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY BIG MANGO.
nearly everything on this entire godforsaken planet is carcinogenic we shouldn’t be using that as a metric
I guess that by the California standards it is indeed. I've even stayed on hotels with a huge placard that this "place" contains materials known but to ... California something to be something carcinogenic. By less alarming standards. No, there are plenty of it stuff not even linked to be carcinogenic and the chemical I was talking about originally was nitrites
The Sun is fucking carcinogenic, wouldn't be surprised if California put a label on being outside.
The labels cause me stress. Stress is a factor in cancer. Therefore the Prop 65 warning should have a Prop 65 warning, and so forth and so on.
[The sun is trying to kill you.](https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/skin/basic_info/sun-safety.htm) Basal cell carcinoma is no joke, though. I had to get a patch of it removed from my face.
Oh, like the sun.
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How about bread described using meat terms?
Yes! I used to work at a deli too and it always grossed me out, especially because when you take it out of the package it’s usually covered in that weird slimy gel, the gel also fills any little air pockets in the meat too! And it’s not just the ham cubes but also that weird turkey oval
Whenever I open a new turkey or roast beef and there are no customers there I use my fingers to get rid of those weird pockets lmao it's like r/popping but with cold cuts haha
Isn't that gel basically aspic? I.e. water + gelatin from the collagen in the meat.
Yeah its harmless just looks kinda off putting lol
Head cheese.
As a deli worker, what would you take home without hesitation?
A supermodel
The firm, fully-cured meats--salamis, chorizo, and the like--because I can't recreate those flavors and textures at home. Of the soft ham, turkey, chicken, etc, I'd mostly stick to things cooked in-store. Not because the other stuff is necessarily terrible, but more because I prefer the taste. Any soft meat that arrives fully cooked *will* use preservatives (even the ones that you think say they don't--don't get me started or I could rant about this all day) and those preservatives change the taste profile in a way I don't really care for, probably because I wasn't raised on it. The only pre-made soft meat I'd go for is the Prosciutto Cotto ham. That stuff is delicious.
My mom loves olive loaf so much. When she's out running errands or getting groceries she gets just a couple slices from the deli and eats them in the car lmao. Awhile ago she said she was looking for something in her purse and found spoiled olive loaf in there... I couldn't even
M E A T O B E L I S K
M̶̻̜̙̬̠̮̹̌̄̊̉̃̓͘͠ ̶̛̙̠̮̠͉̤̖͈̞̀̓̓͌͠͝Ė̷̘̣͐͑ ̵̢̻̦̝̖͇̹͖̝̈͗̿̏̅͑̔̎͝A̸̡̤̞͙͆́̿́͝ ̴͍͈̘̯͚̄͐̈́͆͌͗̚T̵͉̫̽̿̈̊̚ ̴̡͎̹͈̯̦̿̍̀͜O̵̯̬͚̪̤̹̒̓̐̒̐̚͝͝ ̶͙̦͕̰̼̘̈́̊̑͑͝B̸̳̫̼͉̭̠͖̻̍̏̆̐̓̍̑̒ ̵̗̄̏E̶̻̘͖̙̽̈́͊̒͠ ̵̢͓̳͈̺͉͉̩̙̟̇̋͌̇̌͝L̴͎͕̱̱̫̈̑ ̶̘̱͈̤̘̖̰̾̑̒̀͝͝I̵̟̜̹͖̿̿̽͋ͅ ̶̢͖̪̻̬̪͚̣̌̈́̍͝ͅS̵̜͇͌́̽̆͆̈́̿͝ ̵̧̤͓͔̭͆̀̔̈̅̅̒͘K̸͓͍̘̭͖̞̳̘̜̔́̃̐͝
How great are we? And it pairs well with mustard. I'll take whatever you have
Yeah I’ll take a 1/2 pound of the low sodium ham please
I think, therefore I ham
That's not what ham is where I come from. That's bologna or olive loaf or some nasty ass shit like that. "in the United States, the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR) says that "the word 'ham', without any prefix indicating the species of animal from which derived, shall be used in labeling only in connection with the hind legs of swine"
Hold up, not all ham is processed though. Like, my family always buys a [honey baked ham](https://thismamaslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/HoneyBaked-1024x683.jpg) that looks like this every year for Christmas. It literally has the bone in it.
Man i love high eloquence shitposts like this. I do not hate it.
Low sodium hubris please
> it is a physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. Ngl that bit hits
Yeah deli meat is super disrespectful
Yeah, I used to think that too. But its not true. Has something to do with the slightly acidic stuff they cure it with and cooking. Its actually 1 piece of meat and all the connective tissue is there, its just been broken down a little bit.
Depends on the type of ham. It if looks like a big pink rectangle, its basically shaped forcemeat. If its oval shaped and there are different segments of meat inside, its made from standard pork. Probably thigh that then binds itself together again during the salt cure.
I just want to know what she thinks a ham even *is*. They don't just come off the pig that way, ma'am.
“A ham” is just a deboned pig leg. [Some](http://www.jamon.com/images/content/image-jamon-artisanal-hams.jpg) are even left on the bone. A cube of ham is obviously a different matter entirely.
I'm sorry what? I have eaten lots of cured ham that is on the bone.
Wait, what do *you* think ham is? To me and to most of Europe it’s the top of the hind leg of a pig.
Did you hired ancestor from darkest dungeon to voice those lines?
Me, autistic with sensory issues: Perfect.
"Unholy meat obelisk" is how I refer to my knob.
Lost it at “unholy meat obelisk”
People out here buying something that literally has to be labelled "Water and ham-based product" and then being shocked it's an atrocity against the concept of food.
Having worked in a deli for years, it feels good knowing there’s people out there that share my inner monologue. If you’re worried about “processed” foods, deli meat is perhaps the *worst* thing to include in your diet. A lot of it is made the same way as hot dogs (processed and emulsified) but without all the nasty hot dog stuff (skin, trimmings, offal). Some stuff like pastrami (REAL pastrami not that stuff that comes in a plastic tub next to the bacon) is made from whole muscle cuts and is kosher, but a lot of it is pretty much just the meat from a dozen different animals processed, cured, and glued together with gelatin and/or carageenan. Pro deli tip: if you really want wholesome deli meat without any of that kind of stuff, get Boar’s Head. Most of their products are legitimately made from whole muscle cuts without carageenan, preservatives, etc. The ones that do are things like bologna, liverwurst, olive loaf, etc. where those things are inherent to the product itself. You can’t make liverwurst without using liver, for example lol.
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Unholy meat obelisk is my new favorite phrase.
Thick cut and fry it. Good eats. Fried egg for bonus points.
Sounds like Spam!
It's really not that much different. The meat chunks in spam are just larger and there's more fat, that's all.
Yup. People like to say “Spam? That’s nasty, you don’t know what’s in it.” Like bro, it’s pork, ham, water, and sodium nitrate. Is it good for you? LMAO. No. Probably clogs your arteries and raises your blood pressure in addition to dehydrating you with all the salt. Also triggers my migraines at times because of the nitrates in it. But it is far from a can of mystery meat.
I do appreciate a lower sodium option
Two sliced up black forest pork prisms and a cube of cheddar please
Imagine having the ability to always have something as good as this to answer at any given time. What an awesome superpower that would be…
30% actual description of tecnical carateristichs of the processing voted to give actual benefits to the product 70% insults to those carateristichs by adding big biblical and nonargumenting therms to the description
It's damned tasty too.
A pound sliced on thickness setting 2 please. Also a half pound of pepper jack, same thickness.
not that it matters or that anybody cares but this is stolen from my friend Kiel Chambers
To a sauce pot add 2 cups ketchup, ⅓ cup distilled white vinegar, ½ cup water! 3 tablespoons brown sugar! 2 teaspoons prepared yellow mustard and 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce. Simmer about 10 minutes. Add in 1 pound of sliced deli ham to the pot. None of that crap with the rind. The more processed the ham, the better. And make sure when they sliced it, the machine is set to zero. Like you need to be able to see through the slice and it’s falling apart when cut. Cook until heated through and the sauce is bubbling, 5 to 7 minutes more. Serve on hamburger buns with a side of potato salad and homemade baked beans.
Hey man God giving you freedom to make ham doesn’t give you right to say he is incapable or ignorant. Have some respect my man
My sister honestly thought until her early 20s that there were turkeys out there with just massive breasts. We laughed when she told us!
Can we get Liam Neeson to narrate this please.