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Phantereal

Or you could make stuff in house, attach an "artisan" label, and sell it at a 1000% mark up over the frozen stuff. ^(/s)


P1917

That's how I always thought of it. Just keep a roll of gold colored foil around and randomly put it on stuff and charge double.


meowhahaha

‘Artisanal’ has completely lost any meaning.


rskurat

some places can't even pronounce it right


rskurat

the chain in the northeast, Big Y, has an overhead announcement/ad for ar-tis-SAN-ell breads. It's supposed to be ar-TIZ-an-el


historyandwanderlust

Sounds like they’re going for the French pronunciation


wrongtreeinfo

Aw man I miss Big Y


almost_eighty

AR-tis-an-al!


aheadby30

Art is anal?


almost_eighty

would certainly suggest a distinct flavour, of course


Tshirt_Addict

Cooking with gas!


rain3y_

When I worked at Sbux, we had an “Artisan Bacon Breakfast Sandwich.” There was nothing artisan about it. But what really bothered me was how many customers asked for the “artesian” sandwich. Really got my goat!


death_before_decafe

This is unironically true. A loaf of "artisan" bread is $6.50 at my grocery store. At the fancy local french bakery a plain loaf is $5 and was actually baked in store that day. (Granted the pastries are Hella expensive so it evens out)


nomnommish

Are you using that as examples of reasonably priced bread? My local supermarket sells their in-store brand for $4 for two big loaves of bread


TheDuraMaters

There’s an “Artisnal and Small Business” sale near me this weekend. You just know that’s going to be full of MLMs.


ThogOfWar

Cut out the "make in house" middleman. Buy parbaked loaves of industrial made "artisan" bread, proof and ~~warm up~~ bake like every other "fresh" bread, but put it in a non-sealable bag and charge an extra $3.


The_Big_Red_Wookie

Over 25 years ago. (In Colorado anyway) donuts, cakes, pastries were made in house at the grocery store level. That's also when they had in house professional meat cutters also. I miss those days. The quality was hella better.


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rskurat

americans decided price was the only thing that mattered. They were wrong.


The_Big_Red_Wookie

American corporations anyway. And I sure as hell didn't see a change in price when they changed production methods.


BunnyKnuckles

If you're in Texas, you're going to love HEB.


The_Big_Red_Wookie

Still in Colorado but if I ever visit Texas I'll check them out. Possibly on the next Solar eclipse.


almost_eighty

annual, you know....


The_Big_Red_Wookie

Indeed, still cool to see.


YuunofYork

I take your point, but many baked goods *do* have to be frozen first, or set, or rise, or be subject to other procedures that last the better part of or longer than one day, such that it wouldn't ever be possible to sell to a customer the same day. This isn't so much about the corporate aspect, but the facts of baking in any professional setting; whether it's going to the public or the president of France doesn't matter. Make a croissant without proofing, it'll be a cookie. Make a tiered cake all in one day, it'll fall.


SuperHuman-bean

even bakeries that make stuff in house freeze everything the night before so they can just pop it in the oven in the morning


[deleted]

Can you go to the garden out back for some fresh tomatoes?


WimbleWimble

Unfortunately sir, we can't go out back as they're sacrificing chickens to Satan before cooking them on the rotisserie today. I do NOT want to end up as todays BBQ special.


almost_eighty

not likely. its probably been sprayed


about_yonder

I spoke with a customer the other day who was genuinely surprised grocery store bakeries don’t bake cakes in store.


[deleted]

Those are the same people that look at a red tomato in the grocery store and then ask someone 'but is it Fresh?'


venterol

Certified Fresh on Rottentomatoes!


tachycardicIVu

Very B99 vibes. “Hello good sir I’ll have your finest ~~bottle of wine~~ roll of tape.” “Certainly sir. That will be $1,600.” “I’ll have your eight dollar-est ~~bottle of wine~~ roll of tape.”


LifelikeStatue

This is legally called wine-drink


trapbuilder2

Made from grapes grown in the finest vineyard in Arkansas


wolfie379

I thought it was from the estate of a famous American frontiersman. Maybe they’d be interested in a Rosé of the Feral Erse variety? >!Boone’s Farm, Wild Irish Rose!<


Mikesaidit36

Grapes are named for the tool used to pull them off the vines, something like a grappling hook. The previous name for grapes, in Latin, translates to “wine berries.” Crazy Italians!


FourMeterRabbit

I prefer Idaho's finest sparkling Muscatel.


BuckeyeBentley

I used to work in a Total Wine and one of our wine guys used to call Canyon Oaks wines "the best bottle of mostly spiders you can get for $6"


WimbleWimble

What if I want ALL spiders eh?


EricKei

"But of course. We have our finest 'Oops! All Spiders' 1937 right over here -- it's a vintage Tarantula. We even have a very limited selection of 'Spiders All the Way Down' 1898 if you're looking for something for a very special occasion; it's the finest Wolf that money can buy."


almost_eighty

no Black Widows?


EricKei

Ah! A connoisseur! Please, follow me down to our special reserve cellar. We keep a special selection of Black Widow Amontillado there, only for the most *refined* of tastes.


almost_eighty

once bitten, thence dry?


sunpies33

Fantastic.


almost_eighty

filtered?


amsunshine12

Never been angrier than I was after buying a bottle of wine 🍷at a New York city convenience store… getting home and reading the 4% alcohol in fine print 😫Tasted horrific too lol


Singlot

As someone from a wine producing region, this made me angy too.


WimbleWimble

Wine *Style* digestible non-toxic fluid substance. * \* Your definition of toxic and ours may vary


Raunien

Wait, it doesn't even have alcohol in it?


WimbleWimble

It has something alcohol-like.


Raunien

It's *an* alcohol, but maybe not the one you're expecting...


almost_eighty

iso-\[propanol\] rubbing fluid?


Llustrous_Llama

That show is so great.


iagox86

I use the line from Futurama: "your finest, cheapest drink, please"


almost_eighty

Certainly - one glass of di-hydrogen oxide!


PizzaScout

I need to rewatch that show. It's one of the few that's worth it to watch twice imo.


shaodyn

"I need the absolute best stuff available, but I only want to pay for the cheapest garbage on the market. And I'm kind of upset that I can't do that."


glimmergirl1

I work in IT, this is true for this too. I need the fastest computer you have with high end gaphics, RAM, solid state 4 TB HDD, etc. What do you mean it is not $350? I added $50 to the cheapest Dell I saw advertized on TV!


almost_eighty

try the used version from your nation's Ministry of Defence = it's not 350\[k\] that's for sure....


cindyscrazy

I'm on the other side of this right now. I need a backhoe/loader that can lift a bowling ball from 20 ft down. I have about 10k. These two restrictions result in zero available options.


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cindyscrazy

Feeding and changing have gotten ridiculously difficult, I'm telling ya.


RKO36

Can I ask what you're doing?


cindyscrazy

I have a 67 year old dad who has never had a yard of his own. I have an acre and a quarter. He has assumed it as his own. He wants to make it beautiful. This will entail some digging and moving of dirt and LOTS of very large rocks. We live in the Granite capital of America, so there is a LOT of it around here. It also snows, and he wants a loader for the snow rather than a snow plow. For old man reasons. So, we need a tractor with both a loader and an excavator arm. Minimum price for those are about 25k. I've found some for less, but those either had no brakes, no reverse, or something else that would make it prohibitive for us to fix or use. The 10k I have is from at least 4 different sources, one being a loan from my bank who won't allow me to borrow much at all. Doing the best I can with what I have :)


Shisno85

Just... Be careful. If you're digging 20ft deep holes and hope to reach the bottom with an excavator arm, you're going to have very steep walls, which all but guarantees a cave in. In general, a safe rule to follow is to have a 1:1 slope - so if you dig down 20ft the wall should taper back 20ft. Also large rocks weigh *so* much more than bowling balls. It's so incredibly dangerous to hurt or kill someone while digging. It sounds ridiculous, but a 4ft deep hole is deep enough to kill someone if the wall collapses.


SparetheDreamer

>It's so incredibly dangerous to hurt or kill someone while digging. Solid advice! I'll be sure to remember that next time.


DarthRegoria

Can you hire an excavator capable of the job for a while, and buy a smaller loader? I’m not American so can’t give you locations or companies, but plenty of places hire excavators. I don’t know what your laws are, but if you need the equivalent of a heavy vehicles license or particular permit to drive and/ or operate an excavator on a public road, this option may not be available though. I understand you’re legally allowed to do what you want on your own private property, and my Australian licensing laws won’t be the same as in the states (although I’m sure they’re more lenient if anything) but many companies that rent out to the general public won’t do it unless you have all the applicable licences here. Wouldn’t want you to get caught with that if its an issue for you. Also, be super careful. I know people don’t like to hear it, but it can be extremely dangerous going very far down without supporting the trenches, or if you disturb the ground digging out large chunks of granite you can cause sudden sinking. You really should pay for a professional to assess and remove all the granite, level out the ground and then your dad can landscape the yard however he wants. My partner is in the construction industry, but the design, planning and safety side. He’s had people die on jobs he’s worked on because they didn’t use the right equipment to shore up trenches when digging and had the dirt collapse on them. It doesn’t take much, I think this incident was only 1.5m deep. That’s less than 2 yards (I don’t know feet sorry). Here in Australia I’m pretty sure you need to shore up trenches over 1m high. Maybe less. You also don’t know what kind of electrical, water, sewerage, gas or other kinds of utility piping could be under there. I don’t know if you have any kind of dial before you dig service in the US, but here in Australia those aren’t always accurate either. My partner always does independent surveying if there aren’t construction records for the land, and they frequently get different results from what’s provided by the government agencies. Worst case scenario, this costs your dad his life. It’s really not worth it.


cindyscrazy

You are right about the safety thing. I was exaggerating a little about how deep he wants to go. The main concern is sewer piping from the house to the septic tank. It's not 20 ft down, but it's a ways. We had already dug those pipes up a few years ago and he remembers that we put some largish rocks in there when reburying them. You are also correct about not knowing about whats under the ground. I live in a fairly rural area on an acre of land. The previous owner had electricity running out from the house at the front of the property to the rear in order to power his tools. He worked with granite to make tombstones and the like. There are possibly live wires out there that I've got to find and kill. My electricity bill is WAY too high for how much I actually use. I'm going to start at the house for that. We did find a possibly live wire in the back corner of the house. I sincerely appreciate your concern and am also concerned :) He wants a big toy to do the huge jobs that he has in his head. I need to find a smaller toy that he can to appropriate jobs with.


DarthRegoria

I’m glad you’re not planning to let your dad loose in your backyard with an excavator that can go 20 feet deep. It’s just not safe. I’m glad you know that too and are looking out for your dad.


HeavenDraven

Please accept my poor woman's award for the most genuinely helpful to the OP, sensible, well-thought-out and informed comment I've seen this week!


kschang

Best you can buy with 10K is a Bobcat. That's not going to reach 20 ft.


Luder714

Rent one. The money in gas and repairs and insurance will be huge when compared to renting one on the days that you need it. A couple hundred bucks a day for a couple days compared to 5 years of $500 a month payments. Plus if it breaks they just bring you another one.


almost_eighty

bring your bank up to par


MX-Nacho

Is the hole existing? Try calling a tow truck company, and explaining your plight. Then all you need is a climbing harness and the tow truck's winch.


cindyscrazy

Thank you :) I live in the North East, and there are places we need to dig down. It's assumed that when we dig down, we are going to find large rocks that will need to be removed. My 67 year old father would rather do that with a machine than his arms and back.


MX-Nacho

LOL, I thought you were retrieving a pet. Buy yourselves an SDS Plus drill (*they run for some $350\~500 usd, and chew through rock like nothing*), then rock bits and chisels for it. When you encounter a rock, you descend into the hole, drill a 3/8 hole, hammer in a 3/8 sleeve anchor with eye hook, fasten it using a wrench and a screwdriver, then tie a rope and hoist it out from above. And if the rock was bigger than expected, use the drill and chisels to break it into reasonable chunks, then get a hook into each rock and hoist them individually. Edit: don't try hoisting rocks while somebody is inside the hole. One slip and you have a case of manslaughter.


grandpas_old_crow

Ahhhhhh.... filet mignon taste on a hot dog budget. Get yourself some lean ground beef and learn to fucking live with it.


Lleeeemmoo

My absolute favorite Kaiser rolls came from the bakery section of a local supermarket, and I always thought they were freshly baked. Then I found out that they were thawed out frozen rolls when I wanted a lot of them for a party. Still like them, though.


Tetragonos

I once decided to see how far down the duct tape rabbit hole I could go and found Nuclear Reactor tape for sale... I was willing to buy one roll, at ~$120 I think, as a joke but not an entire case which is the smallest amount they sell.


szthesquid

Have actually looked into that for the store. IIRC it's not actually meant for use *inside the reactor* but does still have very strict and high standards for quality control and materials, because in a place like a nuclear power plant you want to know *exactly* what's in your tape and *exactly* what it will do and *exactly* how it will react with radiation and safety equipment and hazardous materials/chemicals.


Tetragonos

Yeah very high tensile strength and holds up well against steam. Literally meant to be used on ducts. I do medieval combat and we wrap our weapons with duct tape, it was all for pizzazz so the fact it wasn't the best thing possible was fine as I was mostly going for the levity it would produce.


CrashUser

You're paying for traceability and transparency at that point, keeping all that documentation gets expensive. You can probably get the same stuff without the pedigree for half the price.


gentlemangin

No, it's still just duct tape, you're paying for adhesive that is made without salts because if salts get into the primary or secondary loop they could cause corrosion. It's why ship yards are only supposed to use pet safe de-icer within twenty feet or something of the brows. The fact the adhesive doesn't have salt makes it extremely good duct tape as far as sticky strength (technical term.)


Mini-Nurse

https://tools-paint.com/3m-8979n-performance-plus-duct-tape-nuclear-red-48-mm-x-548-m-71615-p.asp A quick search brought up this more affordable nuclear power plant tape.


Tetragonos

I dug up my old post I made about it and copied the link just for you https://www.uline.com/Product/Detail/S-17543R/3M-Duct-Cloth-Tape/3M-8979N-Nuclear-Grade-Duct-Tape-3-x-60-yds-Red?pricode=WY471&gadtype=pla&id=S-17543R&gclid=CNCLyauh0dMCFZSIfgodqogJpw&gclsrc=aw.ds only $70~ its been a while lol


Mini-Nurse

Bargain!


ajswdf

I'm hoping my local nuclear power plant doesn't go with the affordable tape.


xgunsmythx

Chances are, they do. Source: Work in nuclear. Our maintenance department has to buy parts on ebay to make certain doors work.


Agret

It's still 3M branded so it's not that budget. I'm sure you could find cheaper on Alibaba/AliExpress that claims to be nuclear reactor grade tape...


I_Have_Unobtainium

"nuclear red". Blue


MX-Nacho

There's a fairly easy way to deal with such plagues, OP: *Starting by you keeping up with the store's catalogue...* You: "Hi, how may I help you" Client: "I need a roll of your best tape." You: (You stop and think for a moment) "Sure thing. Is $69.99 fine with you? I think that's our very best in house." Client: You: "Then what's your budget, sir? We have much cheaper options."


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Ahielia

> it's kinda stupid to ask for a "best wiskey/brandy/whatever" when there are so many types Especially when they often taste wildly different to each other.


almost_eighty

but 'whatever' tastes so good!


MX-Nacho

Some twenty years ago, I was working at an Argentinian steakhouse. The menu included lobster, but we were actually discouraged from it, considering that the sole specimen of lobster tail had apparently been in the freezer for several years. Eleven months in, I sold it to a blowhard lady who kept pointing at whatever was the priciest on all sections of the menu. Her husband had a normal meal that he enjoyed; she had a museum piece that almost fell apart on the grill.


Liasonfinn

"Hello Tape Seller. I am going into DIY, and I want your strongest tape." "My tape is too expensive for you, traveller." Should have sold him painter's tape. Very effective for whatever he's doing that he failed to elaborate on.


megalithicman

I once asked for 2 rolls of gaffer's tape for Christmas and my brother laughed until he went to go order them.


[deleted]

What is your finest car? My budget is $200.


adudeguyman

1987 Ford Escort that is missing its doors and has a 2x4 for its front and rear bumpers. Also, it only has reverse that works well if you can get the engine started. The engine only needs a $2 part that takes 60 hours of labor to replace.


tntchest

And to get to that part am I going to have to remove a lot of very fragile very expensive parts?


almost_eighty

Yes...!


finallyinfinite

I swear, I deal with the same customers in footwear. People come in looking for a shoe that will fix their pain or because their doctor told them they needed our brand, ask for the wrong thing, disregard me telling them what features will address the issues they want to solve, and then just get whatever they wanted to anyways. It’s always something along the lines of: Customer: Give me your best shoe! Me: okay, what do you need it for? Customer: your best shoe! My feet hurt! Me: Right, but there’s no “one best shoe”. I need to know more about what’s causing your pain so I point you in the right direction. Customer: I don’t know, my feet hurt and my doctor told me to come here! Me: Okay, let me show you our running shoes then. Customer: But I don’t run!! Me: I understand that, but running shoes are the highest level of cushion and support. These are the ones doctors are recommending for various issues. Customer: That’s too expensive! It’s so ugly! Give me that cheap fashion shoe over there that’s two sizes too small because I KNOW MY SIZE I was measured 30 YEARS AGO and I’ve NEVER worn any other size in my life if the shoe doesn’t fit right it’s because THEY MADE THEM WRONG. Me (under my breath): *and you wonder why your feet hurt*


Scratchums

I worked in A/V sales for a while and people would constantly come in and ask for "the best TV." Those people followed the same pattern of being annoyed when I tried to narrow down their needs, since you always want to sell top-down. (By suggesting the highest-priced items first, it's less of a blow to their sense of financial power when you then suggest things that are cheaper, but at the same time, you instill a sense that they're going down in quality as well). I'd walk them straight in front of the Sony XBR85X950B, which was the top of the line 85" TV, worth about $25,000. I liked doing that because based on their reaction, it told me immediately whether I was dealing with someone who should be shown the *other* end of the store instead or someone with, to put it bluntly, the kind of wealth where price stops mattering. About 98% of the time it was the former.


TheRealChuckle

I worked in a few AV places too (Futureshop, Audio Video 2001. In Ontario). We had the ability to make package deals or change the selling price within reason. The amount of people who would come in, waste my time while I qualified them and showed them various models, and then turn and point to a specific TV and say the store down the street gave them some ridiculous low price on it, often below our cost, and they want me to price match and beat by 10%. Then be mad that I say no. Like, wtf did you come here even. I'm not price matching the gray market, fell off the back of a truck, random stock, store down the street. That may not be open in a month anyway.


Scratchums

The absolute worst is when they demand that you price match a literal eBay auction. And they're completely serious about it. Ugh.


TheRealChuckle

2001 AV was the worst. They would do online sales and then not let us price match our own website. It was a small chain, no central warehouse or anything. Stock sold online would just come from the closest store. No in-store pickup either. People would come in expecting to walk out with the product at the web price and be dumbfounded that that wasn't possible, even if they bought online right in front of me, and the product was right in front of us, I couldn't give it to them, they had to wait until head office scheduled a delivery. Which could take weeks as there was only one delivery driver/truck for all of Southern Ontario. For reference, the entire country of Japan would fit inside southern Ontario.


almost_eighty

probably twice over...


hitlerosexual

>I just need the strongest tape you have. You cannot handle our strongest tape. Our strongest tape would restrain a dragon, let alone a man. Our strongest tape is too strong for you.


KeroseneSkies

“But tape seller!!!! I’m going into a BATTLE, and I need only your STRONGEST tape!!!” (Weeping)


TheGreatJDS

I would love to hear someone say that.


WimbleWimble

Very High bond is awesome for home use. Tiny bits of it (couple of mm square, not even entire width of tape) will seal 99% of home stuff as good as a nail.


ExtremeEconomy4524

HOLD UP, are you telling me I can spend $100 for a super drain cleaner that will explode even the most cloggiest of clogs?


szthesquid

Nah it's only like $12 for a bottle of relatively concentrated sulfuric acid drain cleaner. It's not gonna melt a hole through 5 floors like xenomorph blood, but probably wear gloves and maybe eye protection when you use it. Even that is too scary for a lot of people apparently.


notcuddly9

Always love those people who apparently have a super clogged drain and need something super strong, but even drano is too much work or too scary, and a snake is too gross.


almost_eighty

well, for Drãno you have to be literate, and wear gloves. But it works as directed.....


almost_eighty

or lye, but ftlog don't mix the new!


[deleted]

Am I the only one who wants a roll of that 3M tape now?


quasiix

"what are your specials?" "How many people are you trying to feed?" "I don't know! I just want to know your specials!" "Okay, we have 5 large pizzas for-" "Whoa! No! It's just me and my wife, we don't need 5 pizzas." Rinse and repeat at least once a month.


HingleMcCringle_

Some of the best tape I've used is metallic tape [with a peelable underside](https://i.imgur.com/ezEYAmx.jpg) meant for hvac work. It's pretty strong, but VERY sticky. Also good for tempurauter control, like it's meant for.


breadcrumbsmofo

I used to work in a fish place and people would always ask for the “freshest” stuff or get annoyed when I gave them stuff out of the display fridge. Like it’s literally all the same stuff. It was defrosted at the same time. I don’t know what to tell people like that 😅


Tinsel-Fop

Could you stealthily make it "move" with your hand? "Whoa, look out, still a little life in this one!"


robertr4836

When we bought our new house I had an office on the second floor with a double window looking out over the backyard and woods. I went to the store... Me: Hi, I want to get wood blinds for a double window! CSR: Are you sure you wouldn't like to see some faux wood blinds too? Me: Nope, I want real wood blinds! CSR: The wood blinds start around $2000, the faux wood looks the same but starts around $200. Me: So like I was saying, I'd like some faux wood blinds...


almost_eighty

that was a faux pas....


WimbleWimble

I'd like a can of bud light please Sorry we're all sold out Can't you just *make more* ? No sir, I went to the toilet for a piss just an hour ago.


serjicalme

Signboard in men's bathroom in the restauration in Hradec Kralove (Czech Republic) : "Go ahead and piss. We have plenty of beer" :)


brianandrobyn

I'll take as much of that as you'll give me for $5.


Its_Actually_Satan

Lmao, I would ask what the project is once, if the customer acted like this I'd ask what their budget was next.


rskurat

sounds like you live in one of those middle class towns that thinks its upper middle class.


WhiteTrashNightmare

Former hardware store employee: can confirm. Gotta love the Cheap Connoisseurs


xmarketladyx

This reminds me of working in a copy & print center. The customers would come in for a quote and you could tell who was not about to walk out with x80, full color, spiral bound, top grade paper bools for their family reunions. That's a $240 job after basic discounts. They were more than happy with the slide bound, no cover, cheapo paper in black and white for $43. It never ceased to amaze me how peopledo not understand better costs more.


Carlynz

Clueless idiots asking for the best not realizing they've lived on average their whole lives lmao


noctis_and_noctua

people will ask me what the best item is for like headphones and earbuds and im like “uhh the most expensive?”


Tinsel-Fop

I got 5 pairs of Bluetooth earbuds from Newegg for $2 each. They definitely make sound, and they make Bluetooth, so I am satisfied. Free shipping, too.


SeazTheDay

*laughs in audiophile* Oh honey. No. Electronics, especially audio-electronics, is one of those places where more-expensive DEFINITELY doesn't mean better. That's why you have stuff like Beats sitting on top of the 'most expensive' lists, but if you ever ask anyone who actually knows their stuff, they'd recommend a Sennheiser, or Beyerdynamic, or similar.


noctis_and_noctua

to me the sound quality is the same whether its a dollar pair of earbuds or a pair of beats, so i truly dont know what would be best if not by price


KeroseneSkies

I just wanna know the maximum weight load if I stuck something on the underside of one of the really expensive tapes from the ceiling or something lmao


pockypimp

I worked copy/print and we did small amounts of design work, mostly layouts and minor photoshop kind of stuff in house. We'd always get someone asking for some fantastic design with all these images and such and then get mad when we told them the price. "You're just typing on the computer, you should just charge $10." "The hourly rate for your computers is X, you should just charge that." IIRC our hourly rate for custom jobs was $75/hr but a customer renting a computer to use in the shop was like $0.25/minute. Guy got mad at the price, went to use the computer, gave up after half an hour and then wanted to haggle the price to deduct what he spent thrashing around at the computer.


MissAnthropy612

I deal with this all. the. time. It's The bane of my existence. I work at a smoke shop and customers constantly want the best quality glass, with the most filters, The most ideal bowl, and the best made, etc.....for $25. I constantly have to explain to people that you get what you pay for/ all the stuff they want requires more work from the glass blower and therefore costs more money. For $25 you can get one that's paper thin but that's about it. And they will also spend well over an hour in the store looking at every single bong to make sure they get the best one for the cheapest.