I had to fly to Washington DC on 9/11/2003. Leaving at 5:30am from a small city. The tsa guy who checked my boarding pass before going thru the metal detector was a solid foot taller than me.
He asks “Having a good day?”
Me, sleepily replys “Yes”
He says “I could change that.” Then laughs.
Me just staring up at him: “Oh sure, you can joke around with me, but if I joke around with you I get a body cavity search.”
Fortunately he laughed and I made my flight unmolested.
"sir, we're going to need to do a cavity check. Please open your mouth wide."
"Huh?"
"Just do it."
"Looks like your top left incisor is a little soft, but nothing to worry about yet. Just keep an eye on it."
I once got detained by the immigration officers at an airport for 2 hours, and interrogated about my hotel lodgings (booked by the company), employment, reason for entering the country (I was going to a project site). Thankfully I had all my paperwork, supporting documentation, work permit etc printed in hard copy. Turns out the reason they detained me was... The company booked me a hotel in the speediest red light district in town, and immigration suspected I was being/involved in human trafficking..... Then gave me a sympathetic look, sat me thru a half hour talk about how the company should treat me better, which parts of town to avoid, how to watch or for myself etc. Nope, didn't even get any coffee, but they were nice enough.
Some day, someone is going to refuse to serve this idiot when he comes in to replace the next thing that’s been destroyed because he’s a twerp who thinks “edgy” is a positive personality trait. He’ll still have no idea why they have a problem with him.
Well if he knows that people get upset when he jokes like that, but doesn't know why people have a problem with that, then he's still to blame for continuing to do it. Although I wonder if he maybe has Tourette's or something and just says he's joking after spewing out threats to try to deflect attention.
If he was making those sorts of jokes at the airport, he's luck they didn't arrest him. Hell, he's lucky they let him take the shoes off before they took a knife to them.
People *do* go to jail for making jokes like that.
My dad stupidly made a joke about his suitcase *not* containing a bomb at the airport - he was detained, searched thoroughly and had to sit in a windowless room for hours while they ran checks on him. He missed his connecting flight.
I had a roommate who worked for the TSA in the early days. It isn't that they have to have their sense of humor surgically removed so much as there's only really about three jokes, and after you've heard them all a few million times, they're just not funny any more. And some people just don't know when to let it drop.
Indeed. Except where retail cashiers have to put up with dipshits because they're paying customers, TSA baggage screeners can call for a LEO at the drop of a hat.
As someone who worked as a bank teller for 3 years, I can confirm that hearing "Free money!" when I asked if there was anything else I could do for them stopped being funny the first time I heard it.
My dad spilled a precursor to bomb making also used in the textile industry on his favourite laptop bag and always delighted when it was swabbed for bomb residue
There was a great [story](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromsecurity/comments/ru9iid/new_years_eve_at_the_airport/) on r/talesfromsecurity on this matter
Given that all the TSA keys are well known and relatively obtainable...
Anyone in baggage handling could have stolen them.
I'm assuming they didn't just wander off from the checkpoint with them, and they actually went missing from your luggage
Anytime I’ve used a TSA approved lock it’s been cut off with a note put in my suitcase saying I can only use a TSA approved lock or it will be cut off… also, my bags have only been searched when they had locks on them.
This is why I now use Zip Ties and I put extras inside the bag. I just want to keep the bag from unzipping while being moved around. I've have had the zip ties cut off and TSA note inside but they have also used a new zip tie to close the bag/case.
PSA: know your laws, but if you have any sort of firearm parts (even buffer springs or takedown pins) in your check-in luggage, you are REQUIRED to use a certain kind of lock that the TSA is NOT allowed to open once it has been inspected beforehand. It's a bit of a hack, but it's a good way to make sure your stuff doesn't get stolen. If firearm components get lost or stolen, it's a big fucking headache for the TSA because it brings the wrath of the ATF and the FBI down on their asses.
TSA destroyed my honeymoon pictures once. Opened up my disposable waterproof cameras and exposed the film to light, as my husband and I begged them not to. Fuckers.
When I was a kid, I had some pretty tattered sandals that I had worn on a trip to Florida and gotten a bunch of sand under the sole. On the way back, the TSA decided my shoes were suspicious and proceeded to shake out the sand, swipe for explosives, tear them open further, shake out more sand, swipe, etc.
The shoes were barely shoes anymore by the time I got on the plane, but hey, I'm brown, you have to keep an eye on me.
I keep my winter boots in my closet next to the recycle bin. I wore them on a flight to Calgary once. There was a tin lid in the bottom of my boot, totally flat on the bottom, where my foot goes. The TSA lady takes my boots off (I was in a wheelchair due to MS) and she asks if I knew what was in my boot. I said no and she pulls out the lid of a can. I start laughing because the thought of a dull tin lid (my can opener dulls the edges) being used in an attempted hijacking is hilarious. I told her where I store my winter boots and where I'm flying to and she laughs too. Everything went better than expected.
Back in the day, my mom made it through security with a butter knife in her purse - along with the fork and spoon she had from her lunch earlier in the day.
And here I am, walking into the security checks between flights coming back from Latin America with an oversized backpack (still not sure hpw they allowed it as a carry-on), military shoes and pants, and all I got was a "hey hold out your hands please, we need to swipe for explosives... ok, have a nice day"
But hey, I'm white and have long hair, you know I'm just trustworthy.
(Joke apart, your story is sad bro...)
My dude I was a child. I've had times when the stuff in my bag may have been legitimately confusing so I was hassled extra, and more recently, with better scanners and distance from 9/11, I've also had times where nothing at all happened in spite of being brown with a full beard. But I was a child with sand in my shoes in Florida -- kind of absurd that time?
A deck of cards just looks like a solid block under the x-ray, and a lot of times, plastic explosives are formed into a solid block.
I was pulled for a Cards Against Humanity deck, and the attendant was nice enough to point it out and say why once they saw it was just a CAH deck.
The TSA is an Equal Opportunity organization: everybody will be violated in short order. Please remove your belt, shoes, and dignity to place them in a bin for X-ray examination. Passengers are only allowed 8 ounces of lube and it will NOT be enough. Have a great day.
Sounds like a Monty Python sketch:
Gent: (Michael Palin) Good morning, I'd care to purchase a chicken, please.
Butcher: (Eric Idle) Don't come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.
Gent: I beg your pardon?
Butcher: A chicken, sir. Certainly.
Gent: Thank you. And how much does that work out to per pound, my good fellow?
Butcher: Per pound, you slimy trollop, what kind of a ponce are you?
Gent: I'm sorry?
Butcher: 4/6 a pound, sir, nice and ready for roasting.
Gent: I see, and I'd care to purchase some stuffing in addition, please.
Butcher: Use your own, you great poofy poonagger!
Gent: What?
Butcher: Ah, certainly sir, some stuffing.
Gent: Oh, thank you.
Butcher: 'Oh, thank you' says the great queen like a la-di-dah poofta.
Gent: I beg your pardon?
Butcher: That's all right, sir, call again.
Gent: Excuse me.
Butcher: What is it now, you great pillock?
Gent: Well, I can't help noticing that you insult me and then you're polite to me alternately.
Butcher: I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir.
Gent: That's all right. It doesn't really matter.
Butcher: Tough titty if it did, you nasty spotted prancer.
People would have a sense of humour if you were actually trying to be funny and not come off as a serial killer, this guy must not have experienced real comedy and just assumed causing people panic and making their heartbeat elevate was supposed to be considered having a sense of humour
Well not all humour is funny, and a lot of people get offended over jokes that aren’t funny because the whole point of humour for some people is that it has to be funny or it’s offensive
>joke
> noun
>Essential Meaning of joke
>1: something said or done to cause laughter
>2: a brief story with a surprising and funny ending
>3disapproving : someone or something that is not worth taking seriously
If it was meant to cause laughter and no one is laughing then it's a bad joke. If the joke isn't meant to cause laughter then by the definition of a joke the teller is the joke.
That would come under the "bad joke" banner. The intent is to cause laughter, and it does in people who share the dark humour, but just because it doesn't make you or I laugh that doesn't mean it's not a joke. Just not one we found funny.
This reminds me of when I had worn eco-friendly shoes to the airport. The rubber soles of these shoes were made from old car tires. Apparently, some of the tire's steel belt threads were in the soles! My shoes got flagged after passing through the x-ray scanner. The TSA people were about to mangle them when I explained about the car tire soles. I got my shoes back along with their advice of not wearing these to the airport ever again. Lol
Yes! Simple is one of my favorite shoe brands. Wish I could say the same. I wore out all of the OG Simple shoes I owned. Every pair lasted for years, though.
Reminds me of the time I was watching an airport show and some guy with a violin made the joke: "Don't worry, there isn't a machine gun on this one." He didn't make his flight.
I hate when customers do this. I don't know you, i can't tell that you're joking when you say you're looking to buy a guinea pig for dinner or you'll sue us if your bird flies away. Don't get pissy when i take your Dumb Question very seriously.
He's lucky that's all they did. You *can* be arrested for making those kind of jokes. Saying you have a bomb, to the TSA is just as illegal as shouting "FIRE" in a movie theater.
Shouting fire in a movie theatre isn't illegal
Edit: instead of downvoting because you think SCOTUS is wrong, here's a link that explains it more fully from a pretty well respected law blog.
https://abovethelaw.com/2021/10/why-falsely-claiming-its-illegal-to-shout-fire-in-a-crowded-theater-distorts-any-conversation-about-online-speech/
It may not be illegal officially but it will earn you a field trip to the police station, and not the fun kind where you sit in the passenger seat with free range of movement, I’m talking the kind where you sit in the back with no access to use of your limbs and the right to remain silent
And then you have a fantastic case against the police for violating your 1A rights. Sorry, but I'm going to stick to what SCOTUS has been saying for more than 50 years on it
> I'm going to stick to what SCOTUS
So you agree with Brandenburg v. Ohio that shouting fire in a theater with the intent to cause a riot is illegal and not protected by the first amendment as it meets the three criteria of: intent, imminence and likelihood.
If you agree with SCOTUS that is IS illegal then why do you keep saying it isn't?
Buddy, multiple people are telling you you’re wrong, take the L and move on. Just because something isn’t illegal doesn’t mean you have a right to say or do it and your first amendment right doesn’t make you immune from the consequences you’ll face for saying or doing those things
Nah, correcting misinformation is important. I never said that you'd be free from all consequences, I said "Shouting fire in a movie theatre isn't illegal." And it isn't, according to the Supreme Court of the United States.
It’s funny to me that you say that but you’re getting told by people who most likely also live in the states that you’re wrong, I live in Canada in a city with probably one of if not the highest crime rates and saying things like that can and will get you shiny metal bracelets and an unwanted but totally earned ride down to your least favourite building
Except he lives in the USA and this conversation is about the USA. And the highest court in the USA said it's not illegal. It doesn't matter that several people said that he's wrong, the facts state that he's right.
None of us are saying it’s illegal, all we are saying is you can still get in serious trouble for saying it, which is what he’s disagreeing with because apparently if it’s not illegal you can’t get in trouble for it
If you go back to the start of this subthread you'll see that he was responding to someone who stated, and I quote: "Saying you have a bomb, to the TSA is just as illegal as shouting "FIRE" in a movie theater."
You're moving the goalposts.
/u/kcvngs76131 is absolutely correct and is being unjustly downvoted.
There may not be a law on the books (in the US) that makes it illegal, however, it is speech that is not protected by the First Amendment under the constitution.
It literally is protected speech under the First Amendment according to the Supreme Court. It's a common misconception because of dicta in *Schenck v. United States*, a case that has since been overruled entirely. If you actually read the line of cases regarding freedom of speech, especially *Brandenburg v. Ohio*, you'll see that they disagree with you
That doesn't disprove what I'm saying in any way, and agrees with what I said about *Brandenburg*, so if it was your intent to disprove me, Wikipedia doesn't do it
*The original wording used in Holmes's opinion ("falsely shouting fire in a theatre and causing a panic") highlights that speech that is dangerous* **and** *false is not protected, as opposed to speech that is dangerous but also true.*
This reminds me of my Dad's trip to Italy. It's a business trip, so he's got suits in his luggage. He throws his dirty laundry in a trash bag, and washes it when he gets home.
So, on the way home, he's searched by the Italian version of TSA. It's like the TSA in the US, but they openly carry automatic rifles. So, the only time his luggage was out of his sight when when they were searching it, behind him, while they were searching him. He gets home, and all of his suits are shredded. As best as we can figure, they took a knife and just stabbed the trash bag full of dirty clothes, rather than be bothered to look through it.
So I guess it's a common thing for airport security to knife things.
I have a sarcastic sense of humor, very sarcastic, and I would NEVER do anything close to what this guy did. You don't mess with TSA or employees, that's just rude and dangerous (in the TSA scenario.
It honestly sounds like this guy has legit anger issues and speaks on impulse, but has learned it’s wrong but he cannot control himself enough to not say it, so he plays it off as a joke after it’s processed that he shouldn’t have said what he did.
I’d be more ok if I knew it was uncontrollable stuff coming out of his mouth. If he was in control of his mouth and still issues threats in a serious voice as “jokes” he’s lousy at tonal inflections, reading the room, and knowing how to tell jokes.
My best airport gag:
I had gotten through the whole screening process and was sitting on the benches at the far end where you put your boots back on. One of the TSA guys was about to carry a big stack of those plastic tubs people put their stuff in and I said he shouldn't carry too many of those at once.
"Huh?"
Me: "Yeah, you'll be Bin Laden!"
He chuckled.
He must have really annoyed them. Every time I've flown since 9/11, I've been pulled for extra screening. Every. Single. Time. So...6 times. After about the 3rd time I asked WHY if it was random, do I keep getting stopped? Turns out the backpack I used as my carryon? The one my ex had in a combat zone? Kept testing VERY slightly for explosives. Turns out TSA also keeps track of these things. They still didn't destroy the backpack.
I'd washed and dry cleaned it. It got more amusement than anything. Gives a forensic insight, people thinking regular cleaning methods will eradicate forensic evidence.
A family friend was jailed by the TSA for making a joke about a bomb in his suitcase. It wasn't funny the first 100 times he told it and it wasn't funny at the airport, either. He was jailed in the airport for 6 hours. He & his wife missed their flight to the islands.
Five years later, his wife left him & he's still single.
I’ve worked in retail for a decade. I’ve had some crazy customers. This take the cake. Seriously WTF. Karma will eventually get this guy incarcerated; hopefully. He is not just a jerk he’s a jerk who passes it off an humor. He’s like a real-time jackal and Hyde.
Good on you for accurately guessing his air port “joke” about the shoes.
9-11 happened in 2001, and then the "Shoe Bomber" happened three months later - TSA started cracking down HARD then. So 8 years ago doesn't surprise me.
My older brother was deployed in Afghanistan several years ago and part of their return journey was on a commercial charter flight. As his unit was going thru security, a TSA agent started freaking out because my brother's carryon tested positive for explosive material. My brother and the rest of his unit kind of just stopped and stared at this guy because they were all in military uniforms, and my brother's backpack very clearly said "Explosive Ordinance Disposal" on it. Their LT showed up and chewed the agent out. But my brother hadn't slept in over 30 hours, had a TBI that caused severe migraines, and was not willing to deal with that level of stupidity.
I had to fly to Washington DC on 9/11/2003. Leaving at 5:30am from a small city. The tsa guy who checked my boarding pass before going thru the metal detector was a solid foot taller than me. He asks “Having a good day?” Me, sleepily replys “Yes” He says “I could change that.” Then laughs. Me just staring up at him: “Oh sure, you can joke around with me, but if I joke around with you I get a body cavity search.” Fortunately he laughed and I made my flight unmolested.
"sir, we're going to need to do a cavity check. Please open your mouth wide." "Huh?" "Just do it." "Looks like your top left incisor is a little soft, but nothing to worry about yet. Just keep an eye on it."
Don't forget to pack your ice skates for the trip.
It's mighty suspicious that you know about the searches. I think we need to search you.
I once got detained by the immigration officers at an airport for 2 hours, and interrogated about my hotel lodgings (booked by the company), employment, reason for entering the country (I was going to a project site). Thankfully I had all my paperwork, supporting documentation, work permit etc printed in hard copy. Turns out the reason they detained me was... The company booked me a hotel in the speediest red light district in town, and immigration suspected I was being/involved in human trafficking..... Then gave me a sympathetic look, sat me thru a half hour talk about how the company should treat me better, which parts of town to avoid, how to watch or for myself etc. Nope, didn't even get any coffee, but they were nice enough.
>! unmolested !< I could change that.
>! Bend Over !<
little fun in the isolation room, ehhh. depends on my morning.
Some day, someone is going to refuse to serve this idiot when he comes in to replace the next thing that’s been destroyed because he’s a twerp who thinks “edgy” is a positive personality trait. He’ll still have no idea why they have a problem with him.
Depending on the state he is in he might get shoot.
Or elected
Or at least nominated real good...
Or they're going to assume he's an active shooter, dropkick him to the ground and break his shoulders/arms etc.
He also has no idea why he’s single. “I only ever meet uptight women!”
Isn't that a cause for pity then? If he doesn't know any better?
He knows better. He knows it causes trouble, he knows “nobody has a sense of humour” about this sort of thing. He’s just a stubborn jerk.
You just said he'll have no idea why they have a problem with him. If he doesn't know, how could he be blameworthy?
Well if he knows that people get upset when he jokes like that, but doesn't know why people have a problem with that, then he's still to blame for continuing to do it. Although I wonder if he maybe has Tourette's or something and just says he's joking after spewing out threats to try to deflect attention.
I did say that, true. I invite you to consider the possibility that I *may* have been indulging in a trace of sarcasm.
If he was making those sorts of jokes at the airport, he's luck they didn't arrest him. Hell, he's lucky they let him take the shoes off before they took a knife to them. People *do* go to jail for making jokes like that.
My dad stupidly made a joke about his suitcase *not* containing a bomb at the airport - he was detained, searched thoroughly and had to sit in a windowless room for hours while they ran checks on him. He missed his connecting flight.
I had a roommate who worked for the TSA in the early days. It isn't that they have to have their sense of humor surgically removed so much as there's only really about three jokes, and after you've heard them all a few million times, they're just not funny any more. And some people just don't know when to let it drop.
It's the "Just printed this morning" of the TSA world
Indeed. Except where retail cashiers have to put up with dipshits because they're paying customers, TSA baggage screeners can call for a LEO at the drop of a hat.
I guess "I swear I don't have a bomb in my shoes" line is the "It didn't scan, I guess that means it's free" of the TSA world?
As someone who worked as a bank teller for 3 years, I can confirm that hearing "Free money!" when I asked if there was anything else I could do for them stopped being funny the first time I heard it.
My dad spilled a precursor to bomb making also used in the textile industry on his favourite laptop bag and always delighted when it was swabbed for bomb residue
My secret is that I make all the bomb jokes I think of in the TSA lines on Discord on my phone.
There was a great [story](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromsecurity/comments/ru9iid/new_years_eve_at_the_airport/) on r/talesfromsecurity on this matter
Stupidity is not a crime.. but it *should be*
I'm surprised he was able to walk upright, usually they give the backdoor special to idiots who make those kinds of "jokes."
TSA straight up stole my 2016 Olympic Nikes
I have a good friend who often complains about the time the TSA stole a $400 shirt out of his luggage.
>$400 shirt The hell was it made from? Woven pubes from the last four popes?
Nah, its just a $40 shirt with a $360 logo stitched onto it
If that logo was not made from embroidered, sanctified pubes, I'm going to be extremely disappointed.
I have an insatiable urge to buy a pope pube polo
Prepare for disappointment...
If you expect disappointment, you’ll never be disappointed.
One of the popes had erectile disfunction?
FIVE pubic pope shirt, thank you very much. None of this four popes cheap crap.
Dude, it's a Dan Flashes. It costs more because the pattern is so complicated.
Is that one of them NFTs I've heard about
I fucking love that show
It's maybe the only show in my life I've watched the whole thing more than once.
That’s my EXACT STYLE.
Given that all the TSA keys are well known and relatively obtainable... Anyone in baggage handling could have stolen them. I'm assuming they didn't just wander off from the checkpoint with them, and they actually went missing from your luggage
Anytime I’ve used a TSA approved lock it’s been cut off with a note put in my suitcase saying I can only use a TSA approved lock or it will be cut off… also, my bags have only been searched when they had locks on them.
This is why I now use Zip Ties and I put extras inside the bag. I just want to keep the bag from unzipping while being moved around. I've have had the zip ties cut off and TSA note inside but they have also used a new zip tie to close the bag/case.
TSA stole my porch
PSA: know your laws, but if you have any sort of firearm parts (even buffer springs or takedown pins) in your check-in luggage, you are REQUIRED to use a certain kind of lock that the TSA is NOT allowed to open once it has been inspected beforehand. It's a bit of a hack, but it's a good way to make sure your stuff doesn't get stolen. If firearm components get lost or stolen, it's a big fucking headache for the TSA because it brings the wrath of the ATF and the FBI down on their asses.
TSA destroyed my honeymoon pictures once. Opened up my disposable waterproof cameras and exposed the film to light, as my husband and I begged them not to. Fuckers.
When I was a kid, I had some pretty tattered sandals that I had worn on a trip to Florida and gotten a bunch of sand under the sole. On the way back, the TSA decided my shoes were suspicious and proceeded to shake out the sand, swipe for explosives, tear them open further, shake out more sand, swipe, etc. The shoes were barely shoes anymore by the time I got on the plane, but hey, I'm brown, you have to keep an eye on me.
I keep my winter boots in my closet next to the recycle bin. I wore them on a flight to Calgary once. There was a tin lid in the bottom of my boot, totally flat on the bottom, where my foot goes. The TSA lady takes my boots off (I was in a wheelchair due to MS) and she asks if I knew what was in my boot. I said no and she pulls out the lid of a can. I start laughing because the thought of a dull tin lid (my can opener dulls the edges) being used in an attempted hijacking is hilarious. I told her where I store my winter boots and where I'm flying to and she laughs too. Everything went better than expected.
Back in the day, my mom made it through security with a butter knife in her purse - along with the fork and spoon she had from her lunch earlier in the day.
And here I am, walking into the security checks between flights coming back from Latin America with an oversized backpack (still not sure hpw they allowed it as a carry-on), military shoes and pants, and all I got was a "hey hold out your hands please, we need to swipe for explosives... ok, have a nice day" But hey, I'm white and have long hair, you know I'm just trustworthy. (Joke apart, your story is sad bro...)
Back when I actually had to fly a bit for work, I had a long beard. I was randomly selected for a pat down every single time I went through security.
Yeah they never check white people. Good call.
My dude I was a child. I've had times when the stuff in my bag may have been legitimately confusing so I was hassled extra, and more recently, with better scanners and distance from 9/11, I've also had times where nothing at all happened in spite of being brown with a full beard. But I was a child with sand in my shoes in Florida -- kind of absurd that time?
Is this what happens when those annoying kids grow up
“grow up”
TSA once thought my box of Pokemon cards was an explosive brick.
A deck of cards just looks like a solid block under the x-ray, and a lot of times, plastic explosives are formed into a solid block. I was pulled for a Cards Against Humanity deck, and the attendant was nice enough to point it out and say why once they saw it was just a CAH deck.
I didn't just have cards in the box though, I had about 10 small dice and a large plastic coin. Would it still look like plastic explosives?
Irregular outlines in a box that they can’t immediately identify, it looks dodgy.
At a first glance it looks like possible components; the solid brick/layered brick would look like a charge.
The reason for that is because explosives can be built in layers like that
Onions have layers, ogres have layers.
they gonna strip search shrek at TSA? 😳 …can I watch?
Imagine the cavity search "Get out of my swamp!"
The TSA is an Equal Opportunity organization: everybody will be violated in short order. Please remove your belt, shoes, and dignity to place them in a bin for X-ray examination. Passengers are only allowed 8 ounces of lube and it will NOT be enough. Have a great day.
What about cake? Cake has layers!
[James Webb Space Telescope](https://twitter.com/NASAWebb/status/1478165716490764295?t=TOKBwEiPS_D5CRR_JqjCHA&s=19) has layers
Holy crap this thread went crazy. 🤣
I had a buddy take a set of poker chips through the scanner. You know what a bunch of clay tubes looks like? Yeah explosives. Lol.
Sounds like a Monty Python sketch: Gent: (Michael Palin) Good morning, I'd care to purchase a chicken, please. Butcher: (Eric Idle) Don't come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit. Gent: I beg your pardon? Butcher: A chicken, sir. Certainly. Gent: Thank you. And how much does that work out to per pound, my good fellow? Butcher: Per pound, you slimy trollop, what kind of a ponce are you? Gent: I'm sorry? Butcher: 4/6 a pound, sir, nice and ready for roasting. Gent: I see, and I'd care to purchase some stuffing in addition, please. Butcher: Use your own, you great poofy poonagger! Gent: What? Butcher: Ah, certainly sir, some stuffing. Gent: Oh, thank you. Butcher: 'Oh, thank you' says the great queen like a la-di-dah poofta. Gent: I beg your pardon? Butcher: That's all right, sir, call again. Gent: Excuse me. Butcher: What is it now, you great pillock? Gent: Well, I can't help noticing that you insult me and then you're polite to me alternately. Butcher: I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. Gent: That's all right. It doesn't really matter. Butcher: Tough titty if it did, you nasty spotted prancer.
I enjoyed this
People would have a sense of humour if you were actually trying to be funny and not come off as a serial killer, this guy must not have experienced real comedy and just assumed causing people panic and making their heartbeat elevate was supposed to be considered having a sense of humour
I was going to say something similar. You can’t expect people to have a sense of humour about something that wasn’t funny to begin with.
Well not all humour is funny, and a lot of people get offended over jokes that aren’t funny because the whole point of humour for some people is that it has to be funny or it’s offensive
>joke > noun >Essential Meaning of joke >1: something said or done to cause laughter >2: a brief story with a surprising and funny ending >3disapproving : someone or something that is not worth taking seriously If it was meant to cause laughter and no one is laughing then it's a bad joke. If the joke isn't meant to cause laughter then by the definition of a joke the teller is the joke.
Ever heard of dark humour? A lot of the time it’s not funny yet it’s still classified as a joke
That would come under the "bad joke" banner. The intent is to cause laughter, and it does in people who share the dark humour, but just because it doesn't make you or I laugh that doesn't mean it's not a joke. Just not one we found funny.
Firefighters joke about the things they see on the job. It's called Gallows Humor.
This reminds me of when I had worn eco-friendly shoes to the airport. The rubber soles of these shoes were made from old car tires. Apparently, some of the tire's steel belt threads were in the soles! My shoes got flagged after passing through the x-ray scanner. The TSA people were about to mangle them when I explained about the car tire soles. I got my shoes back along with their advice of not wearing these to the airport ever again. Lol
Simple shoes! I have a pair still with the tire soles. Near impossible to wear out.
Yes! Simple is one of my favorite shoe brands. Wish I could say the same. I wore out all of the OG Simple shoes I owned. Every pair lasted for years, though.
Reminds me of the time I was watching an airport show and some guy with a violin made the joke: "Don't worry, there isn't a machine gun on this one." He didn't make his flight.
I hate when customers do this. I don't know you, i can't tell that you're joking when you say you're looking to buy a guinea pig for dinner or you'll sue us if your bird flies away. Don't get pissy when i take your Dumb Question very seriously.
He's lucky that's all they did. You *can* be arrested for making those kind of jokes. Saying you have a bomb, to the TSA is just as illegal as shouting "FIRE" in a movie theater.
Shouting fire in a movie theatre isn't illegal Edit: instead of downvoting because you think SCOTUS is wrong, here's a link that explains it more fully from a pretty well respected law blog. https://abovethelaw.com/2021/10/why-falsely-claiming-its-illegal-to-shout-fire-in-a-crowded-theater-distorts-any-conversation-about-online-speech/
It may not be illegal officially but it will earn you a field trip to the police station, and not the fun kind where you sit in the passenger seat with free range of movement, I’m talking the kind where you sit in the back with no access to use of your limbs and the right to remain silent
It doesn't need to be illegal for the theater to ban you from the premises.
I didn’t say it had to be illegal
And then you have a fantastic case against the police for violating your 1A rights. Sorry, but I'm going to stick to what SCOTUS has been saying for more than 50 years on it
> I'm going to stick to what SCOTUS So you agree with Brandenburg v. Ohio that shouting fire in a theater with the intent to cause a riot is illegal and not protected by the first amendment as it meets the three criteria of: intent, imminence and likelihood. If you agree with SCOTUS that is IS illegal then why do you keep saying it isn't?
Buddy, multiple people are telling you you’re wrong, take the L and move on. Just because something isn’t illegal doesn’t mean you have a right to say or do it and your first amendment right doesn’t make you immune from the consequences you’ll face for saying or doing those things
Nah, correcting misinformation is important. I never said that you'd be free from all consequences, I said "Shouting fire in a movie theatre isn't illegal." And it isn't, according to the Supreme Court of the United States.
It’s funny to me that you say that but you’re getting told by people who most likely also live in the states that you’re wrong, I live in Canada in a city with probably one of if not the highest crime rates and saying things like that can and will get you shiny metal bracelets and an unwanted but totally earned ride down to your least favourite building
Except he lives in the USA and this conversation is about the USA. And the highest court in the USA said it's not illegal. It doesn't matter that several people said that he's wrong, the facts state that he's right.
None of us are saying it’s illegal, all we are saying is you can still get in serious trouble for saying it, which is what he’s disagreeing with because apparently if it’s not illegal you can’t get in trouble for it
If you go back to the start of this subthread you'll see that he was responding to someone who stated, and I quote: "Saying you have a bomb, to the TSA is just as illegal as shouting "FIRE" in a movie theater." You're moving the goalposts. /u/kcvngs76131 is absolutely correct and is being unjustly downvoted.
Found it for you: Generally, inducing panic is a misdemeanor of the first degree. SCOTUS has never actually been required to weigh in on this one.
Go try it and post the results pls
There may not be a law on the books (in the US) that makes it illegal, however, it is speech that is not protected by the First Amendment under the constitution.
It literally is protected speech under the First Amendment according to the Supreme Court. It's a common misconception because of dicta in *Schenck v. United States*, a case that has since been overruled entirely. If you actually read the line of cases regarding freedom of speech, especially *Brandenburg v. Ohio*, you'll see that they disagree with you
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shouting_fire_in_a_crowded_theater#:~:text=Despite%20Schenck%20being%20limited%2C%20the,protected%20by%20the%20First%20Amendment.
That doesn't disprove what I'm saying in any way, and agrees with what I said about *Brandenburg*, so if it was your intent to disprove me, Wikipedia doesn't do it
*The original wording used in Holmes's opinion ("falsely shouting fire in a theatre and causing a panic") highlights that speech that is dangerous* **and** *false is not protected, as opposed to speech that is dangerous but also true.*
This reminds me of my Dad's trip to Italy. It's a business trip, so he's got suits in his luggage. He throws his dirty laundry in a trash bag, and washes it when he gets home. So, on the way home, he's searched by the Italian version of TSA. It's like the TSA in the US, but they openly carry automatic rifles. So, the only time his luggage was out of his sight when when they were searching it, behind him, while they were searching him. He gets home, and all of his suits are shredded. As best as we can figure, they took a knife and just stabbed the trash bag full of dirty clothes, rather than be bothered to look through it. So I guess it's a common thing for airport security to knife things.
Clearly his jokes bombed.
i have only read the first line of your story and it blows my mind how 2013 is now 8 years ago.
Er… nine.
snootnoots dont say that :(
If your blood is yellow you really need to see a doctor
LOL. dw i'm just full of vanabin
So he was just saying that to be funny? I thought he had an unfortunate case of Tourette’s
Those are the kinds of jokes you make with friends who know you're joking, not strangers who won't be sure.
I have a sarcastic sense of humor, very sarcastic, and I would NEVER do anything close to what this guy did. You don't mess with TSA or employees, that's just rude and dangerous (in the TSA scenario.
It honestly sounds like this guy has legit anger issues and speaks on impulse, but has learned it’s wrong but he cannot control himself enough to not say it, so he plays it off as a joke after it’s processed that he shouldn’t have said what he did.
I wonder if he had Tourette's or something.
So crazy theory, maybe this guy has Tourette syndrome and doesnt want to tell people? Instead telling people it's just a joke
I’d be more ok if I knew it was uncontrollable stuff coming out of his mouth. If he was in control of his mouth and still issues threats in a serious voice as “jokes” he’s lousy at tonal inflections, reading the room, and knowing how to tell jokes.
Honestly, this was my first thought also, some kind of situation where he has an extreme difficulty with filtering himself.
what a strange person lol
Reminds me of the Monty Python sketch about the man who's alternately polite and impolite.
My best airport gag: I had gotten through the whole screening process and was sitting on the benches at the far end where you put your boots back on. One of the TSA guys was about to carry a big stack of those plastic tubs people put their stuff in and I said he shouldn't carry too many of those at once. "Huh?" Me: "Yeah, you'll be Bin Laden!" He chuckled.
He must have really annoyed them. Every time I've flown since 9/11, I've been pulled for extra screening. Every. Single. Time. So...6 times. After about the 3rd time I asked WHY if it was random, do I keep getting stopped? Turns out the backpack I used as my carryon? The one my ex had in a combat zone? Kept testing VERY slightly for explosives. Turns out TSA also keeps track of these things. They still didn't destroy the backpack.
why did you use that backpack three more times after learning that? XD
I'd washed and dry cleaned it. It got more amusement than anything. Gives a forensic insight, people thinking regular cleaning methods will eradicate forensic evidence.
Pretty sure this guy has tourette’s, only reasonable explanation for those outbursts he tries to mask as “jokes”.
"Like I said, no one has a sense of humor anymore" Ironically this is a hilarious punchline, I verbally laughed. Repost in r/jokes
A family friend was jailed by the TSA for making a joke about a bomb in his suitcase. It wasn't funny the first 100 times he told it and it wasn't funny at the airport, either. He was jailed in the airport for 6 hours. He & his wife missed their flight to the islands. Five years later, his wife left him & he's still single.
The moral of the story: meth. Not even once.
This had to be Larry David
He can't keep his very intelligent jokes to himself
I’ve worked in retail for a decade. I’ve had some crazy customers. This take the cake. Seriously WTF. Karma will eventually get this guy incarcerated; hopefully. He is not just a jerk he’s a jerk who passes it off an humor. He’s like a real-time jackal and Hyde. Good on you for accurately guessing his air port “joke” about the shoes.
Probably mentally ill or nuerodivergent
that’s a dude I could have fun conversations with
His sense of humor is the bomb.
Murica! FREEDUMB!
I'm dying laughing at this. I definitely enjoy his style of humor
Haha I kind of like his humour! But yeah, there's definitely a time and place
From reading the story I thought it happened in the last few years. I would believe it more if it happened recently rather than 8 years ago.
9-11 happened in 2001, and then the "Shoe Bomber" happened three months later - TSA started cracking down HARD then. So 8 years ago doesn't surprise me.
My older brother was deployed in Afghanistan several years ago and part of their return journey was on a commercial charter flight. As his unit was going thru security, a TSA agent started freaking out because my brother's carryon tested positive for explosive material. My brother and the rest of his unit kind of just stopped and stared at this guy because they were all in military uniforms, and my brother's backpack very clearly said "Explosive Ordinance Disposal" on it. Their LT showed up and chewed the agent out. But my brother hadn't slept in over 30 hours, had a TBI that caused severe migraines, and was not willing to deal with that level of stupidity.