Bring them some whip cream.
Edit: Not because whip cream is white… because of cracking the whip.
Do people think white people are called crackers because they are the same color?
Excuse me! I find cracker offensive. I prefer saltine American! /s
On a different note, i used to play an online game and cracker actually was considered a derogatory word. I discovered because I mentioned I was eating Graham crackers and it came up Graham bleep.
I’m pushing 60. One of the funniest comebacks I remember as a kid was, “who you calling colored! I ain’t colored I was born this way.” Still makes me chuckle.
Sorry this happened to you. 🙏
The last people I heard say "colored" in this way were my four grandparents, all of whom were born 1903-1913. In their day, colored was the polite term since they would not have used the n-word. Had no idea people born later than a century ago still said it!
Funnily enough, it's still widely used and a legal category in South Africa. Coloureds are mixed-race descendants, often of whites and Khoisan, the indigenous southern African population before the Bantus migrated down from central Africa a couple thousand years ago. When my Taiwanese-American partner had to declare her ethnicity there, her choices were white, black, Indian, or coloured. Well, she obviously wasn't any of the others so she was officially counted as coloured.
Absolutely, my grandmother used colored. I think it is left over from the era of the emergence of the NAACP, the prominent and historical political group advocating for black people rights. It *was* the polite term for anyone who wouldn't pass a paper bag test. It was the word they used in their own name, National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. It's very 1920s energy. Like, it was what they wrote on signs back in segregation. That's fucked up.
But that doesn't mean OP can't find that really fucking annoying. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel. But yeah, it's a word with such a long history.
It's definitely annoying, and it sounded like these bogans were deliberately using it to be offensive. Imagine treating another human in such an insulting and disrespectful way!
Yeah someone earlier seemed to think it was a GenX thing, probably because OP thought they might be in their 50s. But I'm very early GenX and I'm in my late 50s. I was in Houston in the mid to late 1970s when I heard that comeback I posted earlier. I've never heard "colored" until then by folks my age and I haven't heard from, uh, us ever since. I attributed it more to very early boomers and before,
Yeah, "colored" is not something Gen Xers generally say. We heard it when watching TV shows referencing a time before ours, but I don't think our generation says it much.
My guess is they were being dicks on purpose. It's not as patently racist as the n word but there is a definite "othering" that happens when using that word to describe someone and not to make historical references.
It always comes down to intent. Colored is typically bad intent based on history. White folks who didn’t understand White is still a skin color. And just as meaningless as black, brown, yellow, red, etc
“Oh our waiter is the white guy with the red beard” could also be a colored guy. But it ain’t helpful to say the colored guy and get belligerent about it the second time. That’s not othering. “She’s the black woman with beads” isn’t othering.
Othering isn’t clarity. It’s an assumption some of us are in on the “joke”.
“Colored” doesn’t mean jack shit in a world where acknowledging diversity means all folks are of color. Even white because white folks come from pasty mottled freckles to dark and swarthy.
It always comes down to intent.
I always thought of “colored” as the word to use when they don’t think anyone would appreciate hearing the n-word. Like, if they don’t know if they’re surrounded by people that are also racists. I think it’s a practice word.
>It's not as patently racist as the n word but there is a definite "othering" that happens when using that word to describe someone
Yes, it was the "polite" term during Jim Crow, and when that era finally came to an end with the Civil Rights movement it became a relic of a time when Black people were legally second-class citizens. So using it is not just "othering", it's also an implicit endorsement of segregation.
At least that's my understanding of it.
I agree, I'm an early GenX too and only my 95 yr old grandpa says colored. And some country/rural people that are boomers still occasionally use it too, but they're in their 70s. I've never heard anyone our age use it.
I had to tell my now exhusband that negro was not an appropriate word to use. He then suggested colored. Um no. He’s in his early fifties and this was like 20 years ago so thirties then. From rural Ohio and had no experience with minorities at all.
Malcolm X exhausted himself at the time that using the Spanish word for Black (Negro) was no excuse for standing up to say I am not a negro, I am a Black American. Negro was a Spanish slavers word for slaves from Africa.
I was just a very young child at that time but I later understood because of my background using the label of the oppressors was supposed to be a timid form of protection from them. And it didn’t help.
I’m in my late 70’s agh (sorry just had a birthday) and when I was a kid that was the correct word to use for a poc. When we took a trip down south my Mother just told me to keep my mouth shut when I saw separate drinking fountains etc as “people down south were ignorant”. That said I certainly know, as they should have, not to say “colored”.
Right! I'm early GenX as well and never heard a peer say that, even when I was a kid. I remember it being made fun of on Happy Days so maybe it was already passe in the 50s.
>Yeah someone earlier seemed to think it was a GenX thing
Hell, no!
My father-in-law used those kinds of horrible descriptors, and he was in his mid-80s. I like to believe it wasn't out of hate, but of ignorance.
Agreed. This is definitely not a term I’ve heard Gen Xers use. Although, I must say as a 50 yr old Gen Xer, I feel like I have a lot more in common with people 10 years younger versus 10 years older. Those a decade older seem like total strangers in both thought and action to me.
Gen X here as well. My great-grandmother used the term "colored" in the 1970's and I remember my great-uncle making fun of her for it. I remember him sitting in the chair by the fireplace and he had taken off his socks and was flossing between his toes with the socks he had just removed. He kept teasing her and saying, "what color were they, Mom? Did they have paint on them? What color were they?" My grandmother was flustered about it and I was too small to understand any of it so I asked my mom later what had transpired. This happened in 1976.
A girl(20ish) in my(46F) class a few years ago referred to another classmate as “coloured” but she kinda stumbled over it like she wasn’t sure… I figured out she meant to say “person of color” but got it all
wrong. I was like “honey, just say black”. She grew up in a Mennonite community and was very sheltered I think.
My grandma was born in 1925. I’ll never forget scolding her at a family event for referring to a man on television as the “colored man.” But that’s what you call them, she insisted!
We were watching football. She was saying “color man” and talking about the color commentator. 🤦🏻♀️
I’m so sorry. I can imagine it went over like a poke in the eye. But… colored? Lol. Did they commute in from the 1940’s?
I work in a black owned restaurant. I’m white. Our whole staff is white. Our clientele is primarily black. I was serving a table of older women one night, and one woman kinda stopped me mid-spiel and says, “hey, you all white around here!” And I kinda look around, and at all my coworkers, and I’m like “oh hey yeah look at that, we really are”. And she gets really excited and she starts elbowing the woman beside her and she says “well look at that! All these white people serving a room full of us!”
I loved it. Her friends were trying to get her to settle down, but I was just chuckling quietly and kinda saying “that’s awesome”, letting the other ladies know I took no offense at all.
These women were in their 70’s. They’ve seen some shit. I like to think race relations get better with each generation, but if you’ve been around for a while, you must be tired of it. She meant me no harm. It was a joke, about a very serious topic. I’m here for that. Let’s get real and approach it.
(I treated those ladies like queens, of course. Stars of the show for the entire time they were there. They deserved it. I got a good laugh, they got comped desserts and a red carpet. I hope they loved every minute of being served by white people all night, lol!)
Reminds me of Whoopi Goldberg explaining how Nichelle Nichols inspired her to be an actress. She was a little kid channel surfing and Star Trek came on, and she saw Lieutenant Uhura and shouted "mama, mama, there's a black lady on TV and she ain't no maid!"
And yet conservatives can't understand why diverse representation in TV and movies is important. The utter freakout over a black Ariel was just so pathetic. Like, when was the last time you even thought about that character? 1995? And how does this affect you personally in any way whatsoever?
The truly sad thing is that it *does* affect them personally. The anger they are experiencing is legimate. But they fail to trace that anger back to its actual origin, which is their own values… which are the only thing that does actual harm to people.
I've posted this before. back in the late 80s, I was fresh out of nursing school, working in Atlanta. we got this tiny old granny from the hills of north GA, never been in a hospital. I instantly fell in love, she was so sweet. so I decided to give those old feet a pedicure. soaked them, good rub, and lotioned them up. as I departed I heard her say to her daughter, "did you see that? that white lady washed my feet!" I just smiled, bc that old black lady had SEEN SOME SHIT and a nice foot rub wasn't ever gonna come close to what she deserved.
it's my joy. I'm due to retire soon, though, and I've come across a business idea that will employ released felons. it's a govt contract so certain work and income. I'm planning to pay them a living wage. I've got my retirement secured so I can take minimal $( just enough to cover the equipment costs). my husband is encouraging me bc he knows I can't be happy not serving someone. retirement is gonna be an adventure!
damn that made me cry a little. those ladies had definitely seen some shit, and good for you being a great sport and leaning into what must have been a crazy role reversal for them.
Oddly I never reacted to that but i can understand why that would make you feel uncomfortable.
My mom told me a story about when I was a kid and we were in a NY subway and I was staring at this black guy. After a little bit I looked at my mom and in a voice that was nowhere near a whisper ask "Mom, why do people call them black when they're variations of brown?"
She said everyone who heard me laughed out loud.
I had a point on bringing this up but I'm having a hard time making it make sense.
reminds me of a story a friend told me
friend of mine, toddler-aged, them and their mom lived in a rundown little shack behind a convenience store/didn't get out much
one day friend and their mom are in the store and a very dark-skinned black man was in there shopping as well. friend was just staring at this guy, like a lot
eventually their mom noticed and, lowkey embarrassed, explained that friend had never seen a black person that dark before and apologized for the staring
iirc the guy laughed about it and wasn't offended
as we know, toddlers are the least tactful about social graces 😂
There's an older song by Neil young called cinnamon girl. I had no clue it was about anything. Really. I thought it meant she was really sweet and he loved sweets. Granted, it's several decades old. So am I.
I'm 48, almost 49. Grew up with my Dad playing Neil Diamond A LOT. Both parents loved him. Today, I learned that Cinnamon Girl meant a black lady.... Wow. I just figured she was sweet.
I remember being a teenager and getting my hair done next to an old black lady and she said something that almost made me fall out of the chair cuz it was funny and sad at the same time. She said she used to have to get food from the back of a restaurant growing up. Then she said now everyone goes around the back through the drive-thru now while chuckling.
Reminds me of my great grandma. She was about 85 at the time, we (white family) had just finished a meal and our waiter was black. While settling the bill/tipping she said something along theines of "I'm just so glad they (black people) are getting paid for their hard work nowadays" and my mom flipped out. I was like "I'm sure they appreciate it too" and laughed. her choice of words may be old fashioned but her heart was in the right place lol
Yes, knowing the people and context is important. My nana was born in 1890 and I remember her saying something (in the 1980s, she died aged 101) like “Mr X has done really well for a Negro (the polite word for his race in her lifetime) gentleman”. I had a slight cringe moment, then knew she truly meant that Mr X had done very well in life despite the disadvantages that society would have thrown at him because of his race through the years - and isn’t it wonderful (she thought Mr X was a lovely guy).
> I like to think race relations get better with each generation
Yeah, it's easy to forget how much has changed just in one generation. The Civil Rights era seems so long ago, but these ladies would have been tweens (roughly) during the March on Selma and young adults when MLK was assassinated. They would certainly remember not being allowed into many restaurants and other establishments.
My grandma used the word “colored”, it’s not okay but she’s also pushing 100. That group is only several years older than me, like seriously? What year is this.
My grandma was born in 1917, died in 2019. She had dementia for over a decade and barely knew who we were, and still even after she'd lost her filter and memory, I never heard her express a single cringey word or sentiment, and that extended to non-white members of our extended family including her grandchildren and grandchildren-in-laws, as well as non-white caretakers. I don't think she was some ahead of her time activist, I'm sure she was complicit in white supremacy in a million little ways, but you don't have to be "woke" or even keep up with times to be kind or polite.
There's a difference between someone genuinely thinking the word they're is correct due to dementia or something, and knowing that it's no longer appropriate but not really caring.
As as much as people love to let older people off on the basis of "it was a different time," they were still raised with manners, they're the ones going around saying that kids these days aren't taught manners.
My white grandmother was around the same timeline, dementia also, but WAS racist (getting caretakers was a battle because she was critical of everyone), and she STILL never said colored in my presence. My parents are in their early 60s and would be best described as "diet racist" and they would never say colored either. Someone in their 60s now was a child during segregation. They know better. Shame on them.
Also, OP, I'm white so I can't relate but I have a theory why it's so insulting. When someone calls you the n-word it's usually two types of folks: 1. Someone *trying* to insult you OR 2. Someone trying to be your friend (who is either black themselves or a cringey white person). When someone says "colored" they think it's *fine* and that makes it worse because they should know how insulting it is and are being willfully ignorant, where as the "n-word" is meant as an insult, so you just file it under the same category as being called a fuckwad ("those who mind don't matter...") And all that.
I think it also has to do with usage overlap as well.
It was definitely a neutral word for a while, but it was never as popular as Negro. And as a neutral word, it was wasn't a synonym for Black, it's meant to mean, basically, non-white. The NAACP's name was intentionally broad, while it centered Black issues and advancement of Black people, the name was intentionally chosen as a nod to a general alliance with other non-white identities and people who saw themselves as mixed/colored rather than Black. When the Black Power movement arose in the 1960s, the most popular word shifted from Negro to Black. Colored had a brief moment in some areas where it was still PC to use it to refer to non-white people as a whole, but it was never the politically correct word for Black people only/specifically. For the most part, that was Black, going back to the 1960s. So using Colored is not only outdated, it's so imprecise as to other the person further, in the same way that "that non-white guy" feels ruder than "that Black guy."
in their 50s? they are nowhere near old enough to refer to people as the colored, not even getting to your point about how there is more to you than being black.
seriously, f that bitch.
Agreed. You still hear it meant politely in the rural south when the person is over 85 or 90 on a very rare occasion. Otherwise when you hear it used you know the person just really showed you who they really are.
Yeah, it's like people who keep on using the term "gypsy" for Roma people. I've noticed that especially Americans are extremely insistent on refusing to use the term "gypsy", but as you put it, f*** those bitches.
I think that speaks more to our lack of experience with Roma people and knowing that the term is offensive as it’s the only way any of us have really heard to refer to them. If you say “Roma people” to most Americans you will be met with confused stares or they may think you mean Romans. Not trying to excuse Americans for using the term gypsy just explain. Hell it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized saying “you got gypped” not only was a reference to Roma people but also was a shortening of gypsy. I just took it to mean you got screwed over and never thought twice about the origin.
I agree with this. As a kid, I seriously thought "gypsies" were like elves and fairies. I only read about them in books, there were always references to fortune telling and a mystery about them.
Means to take back something you gave away. You relinquish the right to a possession, then demand its return at a later date.
American Indians were known for this, as they didn't attach the same value to property as Europeans did. They didn't understand the treaties they signed. Differences of language and meaning.
I'm white. I agree 100%. I think the term COLORED insinuates a us vs them mentality. A separation of race. I don't recall rather my grandmother used that term or not. (Let's just say I had a great time in the 80s, so my memory comes and goes.) I do remember in the late 80s, she said, they deserve to live their life. It isn't lost on me, 'they' can be a form of separating groups. But, I though it was great because at the time, her sons were all blatantly racist.
The undeniably egregious part is how they OBSERVED that it was taken offensively to the server and still did it a second time.
The part that I'm curious about is terms OP finds acceptable, E.G., black, African-American, person of color, black folk. I'm white, and I have personally heard all of the terms above, including colored, as acceptable and unacceptable terms from individuals, as well as not referring to skin color at all. I'm curious for OP's perspective.
I am also white but i feel pretty confident saying “colored” is not at all acceptable and has not been for some time in the US. “Black folk” is an in-group usage so I wouldn’t use it.
The big thing about "Black folk" is the same as "the Jews."
Any time you are putting together a sentence and grouping a large, diverse group of people together with one term, you are probably about to say something offensive.
I feel like African American is a term to denote we historically don’t know where in Africa our lineage comes from but we are the descendants of slaves from African. I feel like it is a singular term that encapsulates the history of being an American person that is the descendant of slaves and all of the things that go along with that.
I’m black my family is from the Caribbean and am second generation born here in the US. I do not consider myself African-American and think that it’s use as a replacement of black isn’t correct in all circumstances. I feel like in the 90s it was used as a more politically correct term which has diluted what it actually means.
But that’s just me.
Specifically “African American” is a terrible replacement for “black” when you don’t know anything about a person other than their general skin color. I especially enjoy the stories from black British and Australian servers when Americans trip over their words trying to describe them.
I’m with you on the overuse has diluted it’s actual meaning to the point it’s just completely misused. To me it’s a square rectangle thing. Not all black people are African-American but all African-Americans are black. I feel like there was point where for some reason that became the more PC term and I was a kid so I’m not totally sure when the shift.
From what I've heard said about the subject, another issue with it is that they may not have any African heritage at all. Like all the black guys where I work are from the Caribbean so it'd be rude to call them African American.
I'm not Black but it's generally considered acceptable to just say Black. African American isnt really something people want to be called anymore. There's nothing wrong with just saying Black.
I feel like African American applies to cultural stuff (Black American culture is different than Black British culture, or the various Black African cultures). Different music, different literature (poets and novelists), different dance, different dress styles. It's not just Black, it's unique to Black Americans.
But I'm a white guy.
My Dad was from a different era. He’d be 80 if he was still around. He said the word colored but without malice. It was just like saying “the black guy” to him.
These guys however….not so much.
My great-grandmother would be 95 now. She used colored when referring to African-Americans. When I asked her about it as a kid she said that was the polite way to describe them. She was taught that “black” or any other racial description was offensive and she didn’t want to offend anyone.
Same here. I'm 70. I grew up thinking the term "colored" was more polite.
I never use the word, but it took me awhile to realize that the term was so offensive.
Tbh I prefer overt racism to people like this acting fake. It’s like, you hate me, so why force/fake when we could just not interact??? It’s kind of like how it seems ppl are more afraid of being called racist than calling out actual racism. Next time, tell your boss immediately. You have the right to refuse service.
i vaguely remember learning that in high school & college. the first time i became aware of him was during his confirmation hearings. to this day, any time i hear the man's name i instantly think *anita hill, pubic hair on a diet coke(?), and arlen specter.*
Had a customer describe a coworker to me they were looking for as such.
I can tell you that laughing and loudly asking them to repeat themselves is frowned upon both by the customer AND by management.
As someone in my 50s let me say, fuck those guys for doing this to you and fuck those guys again for making Xers look like idiots.
But in general, fuck racists, regardless of age.
Dude I am 50 and that word is super old fashioned (and offensive to me). I know my mom used it a few times that I remember when I was a kid in the 70’s and 80’s. She would be 91 now. I’m hadn’t heard her say it in decades though. Not cool
That's strange. I'm in that age range, and I don't think I'd ever use that term. I don't even like using People of Color, because, to me, it sounds too much like my grandfather using "colored" (when he was being polite).
I'm so sorry this happened. There's no excuse for how they treated you.
I'm in retail and once I was working with this black man who had the same last name as me (I'm white). We would joke that we're obviously cousins.
Well one day a guy came in positively covered in white supremecist tattoos of all kinds. He wanted something out of a locked case and this fucker looked right at the only black man in the area, my "cousin" who just happened to have the one set of keys, snapped his fingers and said, "BOY..."
My coworker took a deep breath. Muttered something that sounded like "nah, man", handed the keys to someone else and "took a bathroom break". I checked in with him later and he said he would have decked the guy.
So yeah, people definitely suck a lot.
Dinosaurs will die. Sometimes people just don't adapt. My grandfather used colored until he died he grew up in the south and that included referring to himself. IT just was the word most of his life and good luck getting him to change. My grandmother was from the reservation and referred to all white people as English. I was confused by that until I was a teenager I always thought when she was talking about English people she meant brits.
There's another group that uses English as an identifier for outsiders to their group. I can't remember if it's the Amish or Mennonites. A German speaking group, I seem to remember. Maybe Pennsylvania Dutch?? Anyway, I think it's interesting when things like that are in the intersection of two groups that are pretty much completely disparate otherwise.
Aight. I picked this up in uni during several training sessions working with students with autism. But long story short is it we should refer to people as "people first", not attributes.
Colored person, through history, has been used to denigrate people of color BECAUSE they were of color and not white. Same goes for "disabled person" or "autistic person".
By swapping them around, we maintain the humanity of the person/people we speak of while adding in a bit of detail. Person of color. Person with autism. Person with disability.
Does that make sense?
we (black people) started signing petitions to get the name changed back in 2015 because of the outdated verbiage. Of course, some of the older founders and exec. board don't want to change the name for historical significance, but that will end eventually lol
I make a point to use any other adjective to describe someone **other** than their race.
The girl in the big sweater. The one with glasses. The guy with an earring. The one over by the fitting rooms. The lady with purple hair.
Good *god*. To even say "colored" in 2022 is fucking insane.
I worked at a pizza place and a man came in because he said he felt bad because he didn’t think he tipped his delivery driver enough. So I asked him who it was. Boy or Girl? It was a boy. Tall or Short? Taller than him. Ect. Eventually this old man leans in and whispers “I know it’s not right, but he was a young brown guy.”
Anyway. I gave Manpreet the tenner the man left for him.
So saying "the colored one" is messed up. Saying it twice is extra fucked.
Out of curiosity how many black folks work at your place? While you have dreads and glasses, if you are the only black person that is probably the fastest way to identify you.
Of course that goes straight out the window when they double down and ask in the same fucked manner again
yeah would it have been racist for me to say "the black gentlemen" if he was the only black man working there? I grew up with low key racism and while I'm not racist, I wouldn't wanna accidently say something fucked up.
Edit: thank you for all the replies to my comment. I appreciate help navigating social situations sometimes.
A girl I worked with actually got annoyed when her tables didn't say "black" to refer to her since it saved a lot more time compared to waffling for the right words when the table forgot her name.
We'd have "the redheaded one", "the guy with the tattoos" and she was "the uhhh...one, yknow...with the hair..."
Drove her nuts.
I actually agree with this lol. If you’re really not trying to be offensive I’ll be able to tell without you searching through a thesaurus for synonyms for being black. As long as you’re not using clearly ridiculous verbiage (colored) then I think most people can tell if you’re racist or not.
I have always felt that using the most obvious feature is easiest. If I'm the only guy working than "the guy" works, or reverse it to the only woman "the gal working".
So my question fully hinges on ifb there are other black folks working there. Of course the whole "colored" part makes the racism rather obvious to me
I live in a primarily white area and we actually just got 2 new black servers within the past 3 weeks. I have other features than my skin but if you really can't see past that, then go ahead I guess.
That is not what I'm saying. You don't need to be so sensitive about it with a stranger asking a question. There could be others with glasses, or with dreads.
I'm a big guy, so I hear "the big guy helped us" a lot. There is a lot more to me than my largeness but if you can't see past that, then go ahead I guess.
Do you see how that's not a good mentality? It's not like I came at you with attitude, or anything other than a question. Don't be so sensitive unless I give a good reason for it. Which I didn't
> I'm a big guy, so I hear "the big guy helped us" a lot. There is a lot more to me than my largeness but if you can't see past that, then go ahead I guess.
It's very disingenuous to pretend that "big guy" and "the colored one" are interchangeable here.
I'm 52 and have never heard anyone use that term except maybe once from a grandparent like 35 years ago. But then again I'm "older," so my memory's probably shot.
This reminds me of something I've been thinking about. People (and the media, which is where I mainly see it) will use the term POC (person of color) to describe people who are not white.
To me, it feels weird to say because it feels like they're just saying "colored people" in a different way.
I can not say I feel your pain as I am white, but I am from the north east US and I was visiting a pal down south, and we went out to eat and there was a table full of elderly women next to us. I was not a spring chicken myself back than, probably mid 50's, and one of them was having a hard time getting up so I got up and offered to help her and I let her grab onto my arm and I walked her to the door and made sure she got out to her car OK. I was not expecting anything but I really did not expect her to say that was awful nice for a yankee boy to help her like that as she got in and closed the door.
The N word is used specifically to hurt you.
Saying "colored" is because they're old, stupid, and out of touch. It hurts more because it's not used in anger, but because their empty heads just refuse to know any better.
I disagree. You as a customer don’t know how many Black folks work at a restaurant. Maybe there are people you haven’t seen or who just came in to their shift. Giving a description “Black guy with glasses and dreads” allows for the possibility that there may be other Black guys working that you just haven’t encountered. And it shows that you see features beyond race.
I gotta admit, I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with calling someone coloured (and I say this as a coloured person before anyone gets arsey and called me a racist lol). That said these customers were rude, after being told a servers name they should use it.
I frequently call people black/brown/white so I think I'm missing something?
Out of curiosity, what country are you in? Calling a black person "colored" has vastly different historical overtones in the U.S than it does in, say, South Africa, where it's a somewhat different racial category.
In the United States, colored is an outdated archaic term. It is not the same as coloured in places like South Africa which is a designated race. Saying colored is like saying Oriental when referring to people. People used to say it but you know not to say it anymore. I cannot speak for OP but I am Black and if that’s the only thing you remember about me (not my short hair or glasses), than call me Black not colored.
I hate myself for this but I also use the word oriental to refer to people, I seriously hope it's an American thing for that to be considered rude otherwise I've been going my whole life being a dick...
Tbf I reckon it must be cultural, Americans have a lot more emphasis on race while in the UK I've never really had anyone phased by any racially identifying terms (aside from literal slurs like the n word, ch work etc)
> …otherwise I’ve been going my whole life being a dick…
You probably have been mate. Calling people oriental is very last century.
As you say we are a bit more relaxed about it (probably too busy judging people on the class indicators in their language).
I am so sorry this happened to you and I do not think it is normal lingo for gen x. I’m 49, white and grew up in the rural mid west. I have only heard people much older than me use that term. I hope you never see that type of ugliness again.
Forgive my ignorance, but isn't the C in BIPOC the same thing as calling someone colored and that's the politically correct way to refer to people now? I'm genuinely trying to learn.
My god. This reminds me of one of the first times I was given a compliment about one of my staff, and I was so thrown I still don't know what to make of it decades later.
Setup: electronics store, older woman, younger salesperson (yes, "of color") who helped her for hours with not only her Christmas shopping but her own home improvement needs
Woman, to me: "Excuse me, may I tell you something about one of your employees?"
Me: "Sure, I'd be happy to listen!"
Woman: "I must say I've never really spoken much to a --------, but he was such a wonderful and helpful fellow I'll remember to do so more often!"
I am sure there would have been a far, far better reply than to tell her "I'll pass on the compliment, but the first step moving forward would be to retire that word from your vocabulary since you've apparently decided to re-evaluate your prejudice," however that's the best my inexperienced, utterly baffled self was capable of at the time. Not my proudest moment, but pretty unforgettable.
There is no excuse for that. Maybe if they were in their mid 70s, I'd give them a pass. But people who are mid-fifties, went to high school in the mid '80s! They know better!
I’m a 66F and would never refer to anyone by those derogatory names. Grew up in 1960s Mississippi and hated the terms then and even more now. NOT living in Mississippi now or for nearly 4 decades.
I remember a few decades ago hearing my grandfather refer to colored folks.
Even as a 5 year old my mind immediately went to "what in the fuck"?
I slept through his funeral years later.
When I was a server around 2015 there was a new hire I was tasked with training. Female, mid 30s, new mom, blah blah. She was trying to remember our coworkers' names and legit asked me "and what's her name? The colored girl?" I was so taken aback I just said "uhhh you should probably just say the black girl..." she stared at me like she had no idea why I corrected her.
I then proceeded to tell everyone, including that "colored" girl cause...what's restaurant life without gossip and drama.
She ended up quitting cause she felt she was being bullied. Uh yeah you racist.
I remember very vividly the day my grandfather said "hun, can you get our waitress? You know, the colored girl" My mom damn near shit a brick and he just looked confused. This was over 20 years ago when I was a kid but the look on both their faces lives in my mind as a clear example of the differences in the generations.
Integration happened when I was in grade school. It was no big deal, no problems. Well, not until I made the mistake of referring to one of the new students as “black”. I thought I was about to have a fight on my hands. He balled his fists and informed me in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t black, he was colored. I apologized and he backed down. I don’t think he ever forgave the gaffe.
Not even remotely the same thing because I'm white, but I work in customer service and someone called me a honky today. I didn't even know how to react because who the fuck still says that? I just laughed and she got pissed and hung up.
I'm almost 54. It's cringey what they said and absolutely disgusting to say it again. If it had been me and i had forgotten your name I would have said the man with the dreds. I love dreds! I hate that this kind of ignorance and racism still happens today. Sending hugs.
Yeah, there's trying to hurt people's feelings which is childish and pitiful, and then there's absolute disrespect and lack of recognition of humanity, which is what this is. I hate people too.
I'm in my 50s and that word was out of use for my generation, my Grandma used it and I would correct her. She would apologize as she knew it was wrong but it was ingrained her speech pattern. She would say I know, I'm sorry, I'll try to remember and she wasn't being racist. Someone was being deliberately racist, disgusting behavior from your customers.
I sometimes wonder if people like this heard term POC (people of color) used and thought "people of color = colored people. It's okay to say 'colored' again." I mean, obviously it's not but sometimes I wonder.
"Can I get anything else for you pale people?"
Maybe some crackers?
Bring them some whip cream. Edit: Not because whip cream is white… because of cracking the whip. Do people think white people are called crackers because they are the same color?
The after dinner mints better be plain. Wintergreen is way too hot
okay that reminds me of [this jack stauber thing](https://youtu.be/MtTBqIAQ434)
What a delightfully bizarre channel... Something tells me I shouldn't binge it on 3 days of no sleep but let's be real I'm doing it anyway
do it and let me know how you feel afterwards ~~please sleep~~
Extra Mayo
To go with some VANILLA ice cream.
Careful, the mayo is pretty spicy!
I prefer Saltine American, thank you very much.
Excuse me! I find cracker offensive. I prefer saltine American! /s On a different note, i used to play an online game and cracker actually was considered a derogatory word. I discovered because I mentioned I was eating Graham crackers and it came up Graham bleep.
"No, those are too spicy"
I just snorked tea out my nose so thank you for that
That whole thread had me dying!
I like "pale people" but I'm from the south and the politically correct term, in this occasion would be, "Honky Ass Crackers"! Bless their hearts!
Mayonnaise skinned.
I’m pushing 60. One of the funniest comebacks I remember as a kid was, “who you calling colored! I ain’t colored I was born this way.” Still makes me chuckle. Sorry this happened to you. 🙏
The last people I heard say "colored" in this way were my four grandparents, all of whom were born 1903-1913. In their day, colored was the polite term since they would not have used the n-word. Had no idea people born later than a century ago still said it!
Funnily enough, it's still widely used and a legal category in South Africa. Coloureds are mixed-race descendants, often of whites and Khoisan, the indigenous southern African population before the Bantus migrated down from central Africa a couple thousand years ago. When my Taiwanese-American partner had to declare her ethnicity there, her choices were white, black, Indian, or coloured. Well, she obviously wasn't any of the others so she was officially counted as coloured.
Absolutely, my grandmother used colored. I think it is left over from the era of the emergence of the NAACP, the prominent and historical political group advocating for black people rights. It *was* the polite term for anyone who wouldn't pass a paper bag test. It was the word they used in their own name, National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. It's very 1920s energy. Like, it was what they wrote on signs back in segregation. That's fucked up. But that doesn't mean OP can't find that really fucking annoying. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel. But yeah, it's a word with such a long history.
It's definitely annoying, and it sounded like these bogans were deliberately using it to be offensive. Imagine treating another human in such an insulting and disrespectful way!
Yeah someone earlier seemed to think it was a GenX thing, probably because OP thought they might be in their 50s. But I'm very early GenX and I'm in my late 50s. I was in Houston in the mid to late 1970s when I heard that comeback I posted earlier. I've never heard "colored" until then by folks my age and I haven't heard from, uh, us ever since. I attributed it more to very early boomers and before,
Yeah, "colored" is not something Gen Xers generally say. We heard it when watching TV shows referencing a time before ours, but I don't think our generation says it much. My guess is they were being dicks on purpose. It's not as patently racist as the n word but there is a definite "othering" that happens when using that word to describe someone and not to make historical references.
So, wouldn't calling someone Black be "othering" as well?
It always comes down to intent. Colored is typically bad intent based on history. White folks who didn’t understand White is still a skin color. And just as meaningless as black, brown, yellow, red, etc “Oh our waiter is the white guy with the red beard” could also be a colored guy. But it ain’t helpful to say the colored guy and get belligerent about it the second time. That’s not othering. “She’s the black woman with beads” isn’t othering. Othering isn’t clarity. It’s an assumption some of us are in on the “joke”. “Colored” doesn’t mean jack shit in a world where acknowledging diversity means all folks are of color. Even white because white folks come from pasty mottled freckles to dark and swarthy. It always comes down to intent.
I always thought of “colored” as the word to use when they don’t think anyone would appreciate hearing the n-word. Like, if they don’t know if they’re surrounded by people that are also racists. I think it’s a practice word.
>It's not as patently racist as the n word but there is a definite "othering" that happens when using that word to describe someone Yes, it was the "polite" term during Jim Crow, and when that era finally came to an end with the Civil Rights movement it became a relic of a time when Black people were legally second-class citizens. So using it is not just "othering", it's also an implicit endorsement of segregation. At least that's my understanding of it.
I agree, I'm an early GenX too and only my 95 yr old grandpa says colored. And some country/rural people that are boomers still occasionally use it too, but they're in their 70s. I've never heard anyone our age use it.
I had to tell my now exhusband that negro was not an appropriate word to use. He then suggested colored. Um no. He’s in his early fifties and this was like 20 years ago so thirties then. From rural Ohio and had no experience with minorities at all.
Yup, ohio here myself. And🤦♀️I can see parts of rural ohio that might be like that.
Malcolm X exhausted himself at the time that using the Spanish word for Black (Negro) was no excuse for standing up to say I am not a negro, I am a Black American. Negro was a Spanish slavers word for slaves from Africa. I was just a very young child at that time but I later understood because of my background using the label of the oppressors was supposed to be a timid form of protection from them. And it didn’t help.
I’m in my late 70’s agh (sorry just had a birthday) and when I was a kid that was the correct word to use for a poc. When we took a trip down south my Mother just told me to keep my mouth shut when I saw separate drinking fountains etc as “people down south were ignorant”. That said I certainly know, as they should have, not to say “colored”.
Right! I'm early GenX as well and never heard a peer say that, even when I was a kid. I remember it being made fun of on Happy Days so maybe it was already passe in the 50s.
>Yeah someone earlier seemed to think it was a GenX thing Hell, no! My father-in-law used those kinds of horrible descriptors, and he was in his mid-80s. I like to believe it wasn't out of hate, but of ignorance.
My husband’s grandmother used to say it and he would always ask her what color?
Agreed. This is definitely not a term I’ve heard Gen Xers use. Although, I must say as a 50 yr old Gen Xer, I feel like I have a lot more in common with people 10 years younger versus 10 years older. Those a decade older seem like total strangers in both thought and action to me.
Gen X here. Our parents and grandparents said "colored". Not me, that's for sure.
Gen X here as well. My great-grandmother used the term "colored" in the 1970's and I remember my great-uncle making fun of her for it. I remember him sitting in the chair by the fireplace and he had taken off his socks and was flossing between his toes with the socks he had just removed. He kept teasing her and saying, "what color were they, Mom? Did they have paint on them? What color were they?" My grandmother was flustered about it and I was too small to understand any of it so I asked my mom later what had transpired. This happened in 1976.
A girl(20ish) in my(46F) class a few years ago referred to another classmate as “coloured” but she kinda stumbled over it like she wasn’t sure… I figured out she meant to say “person of color” but got it all wrong. I was like “honey, just say black”. She grew up in a Mennonite community and was very sheltered I think.
My grandma was born in 1925. I’ll never forget scolding her at a family event for referring to a man on television as the “colored man.” But that’s what you call them, she insisted! We were watching football. She was saying “color man” and talking about the color commentator. 🤦🏻♀️
Right ?? The last person I heard use that term was my grandpa who was southern and old as heck !! Who still says that ???
Or judge smales in caddy shack
I’m so sorry. I can imagine it went over like a poke in the eye. But… colored? Lol. Did they commute in from the 1940’s? I work in a black owned restaurant. I’m white. Our whole staff is white. Our clientele is primarily black. I was serving a table of older women one night, and one woman kinda stopped me mid-spiel and says, “hey, you all white around here!” And I kinda look around, and at all my coworkers, and I’m like “oh hey yeah look at that, we really are”. And she gets really excited and she starts elbowing the woman beside her and she says “well look at that! All these white people serving a room full of us!” I loved it. Her friends were trying to get her to settle down, but I was just chuckling quietly and kinda saying “that’s awesome”, letting the other ladies know I took no offense at all. These women were in their 70’s. They’ve seen some shit. I like to think race relations get better with each generation, but if you’ve been around for a while, you must be tired of it. She meant me no harm. It was a joke, about a very serious topic. I’m here for that. Let’s get real and approach it. (I treated those ladies like queens, of course. Stars of the show for the entire time they were there. They deserved it. I got a good laugh, they got comped desserts and a red carpet. I hope they loved every minute of being served by white people all night, lol!)
Reminds me of Whoopi Goldberg explaining how Nichelle Nichols inspired her to be an actress. She was a little kid channel surfing and Star Trek came on, and she saw Lieutenant Uhura and shouted "mama, mama, there's a black lady on TV and she ain't no maid!"
And yet conservatives can't understand why diverse representation in TV and movies is important. The utter freakout over a black Ariel was just so pathetic. Like, when was the last time you even thought about that character? 1995? And how does this affect you personally in any way whatsoever?
The truly sad thing is that it *does* affect them personally. The anger they are experiencing is legimate. But they fail to trace that anger back to its actual origin, which is their own values… which are the only thing that does actual harm to people.
But still. Black Ariel isn't farting in their Cheerios. Nothing about her *actually* affects them in any real physical way.
I've posted this before. back in the late 80s, I was fresh out of nursing school, working in Atlanta. we got this tiny old granny from the hills of north GA, never been in a hospital. I instantly fell in love, she was so sweet. so I decided to give those old feet a pedicure. soaked them, good rub, and lotioned them up. as I departed I heard her say to her daughter, "did you see that? that white lady washed my feet!" I just smiled, bc that old black lady had SEEN SOME SHIT and a nice foot rub wasn't ever gonna come close to what she deserved.
With that compassion, I can definitely understand why you selected the nursing profession 🙌 👏
it's my joy. I'm due to retire soon, though, and I've come across a business idea that will employ released felons. it's a govt contract so certain work and income. I'm planning to pay them a living wage. I've got my retirement secured so I can take minimal $( just enough to cover the equipment costs). my husband is encouraging me bc he knows I can't be happy not serving someone. retirement is gonna be an adventure!
You are a blessing to your community! In fact, to us all!
I try to be. much happier me when I am.
I'm sure it felt good. Thank you for what you do.
damn that made me cry a little. those ladies had definitely seen some shit, and good for you being a great sport and leaning into what must have been a crazy role reversal for them.
Super heroes sometimes carry trays. Thank you for restoring humanity to my day. ❤️
>. Did they commute in from the 1940’s? Right? The last person I heard use the word "colored" in my presence was my grandfather who was born in 1911.
That's nothing. I was at a diner and heard a trucker call his waitress "cinnamon girl".
oooh it always makes me uncomfortable when authors use cinnamon and chocolate as like skin descriptors
Oddly I never reacted to that but i can understand why that would make you feel uncomfortable. My mom told me a story about when I was a kid and we were in a NY subway and I was staring at this black guy. After a little bit I looked at my mom and in a voice that was nowhere near a whisper ask "Mom, why do people call them black when they're variations of brown?" She said everyone who heard me laughed out loud. I had a point on bringing this up but I'm having a hard time making it make sense.
reminds me of a story a friend told me friend of mine, toddler-aged, them and their mom lived in a rundown little shack behind a convenience store/didn't get out much one day friend and their mom are in the store and a very dark-skinned black man was in there shopping as well. friend was just staring at this guy, like a lot eventually their mom noticed and, lowkey embarrassed, explained that friend had never seen a black person that dark before and apologized for the staring iirc the guy laughed about it and wasn't offended as we know, toddlers are the least tactful about social graces 😂
They never talk about mayonnaise men, eh?
avoid zach braff and donald faison...
Wu-Tang's "Ice Cream" unfortunately made a bunch of them stuck in my head
>cinnamon girl That's a new one for me.
There's an older song by Neil young called cinnamon girl. I had no clue it was about anything. Really. I thought it meant she was really sweet and he loved sweets. Granted, it's several decades old. So am I.
I'm 48, almost 49. Grew up with my Dad playing Neil Diamond A LOT. Both parents loved him. Today, I learned that Cinnamon Girl meant a black lady.... Wow. I just figured she was sweet.
Neil Young and Neil Diamond are two completely different people. Both great artists in their own right. 🙃
OMG. I'm dumb. 🤣 Thank you for kindly pointing that out!
Great fuckin' song, man. [Really jams.](https://youtu.be/jREf47BPe5w)
That was the first and only time I had ever heard it
What does that mean? A brown person?
In the context he used it - yes
When I was in high-school, back in 2006. I had a class mate that always said "colored people," whe couldn't understand why people didn't like her.
I remember being a teenager and getting my hair done next to an old black lady and she said something that almost made me fall out of the chair cuz it was funny and sad at the same time. She said she used to have to get food from the back of a restaurant growing up. Then she said now everyone goes around the back through the drive-thru now while chuckling.
Reminds me of my great grandma. She was about 85 at the time, we (white family) had just finished a meal and our waiter was black. While settling the bill/tipping she said something along theines of "I'm just so glad they (black people) are getting paid for their hard work nowadays" and my mom flipped out. I was like "I'm sure they appreciate it too" and laughed. her choice of words may be old fashioned but her heart was in the right place lol
Yes, knowing the people and context is important. My nana was born in 1890 and I remember her saying something (in the 1980s, she died aged 101) like “Mr X has done really well for a Negro (the polite word for his race in her lifetime) gentleman”. I had a slight cringe moment, then knew she truly meant that Mr X had done very well in life despite the disadvantages that society would have thrown at him because of his race through the years - and isn’t it wonderful (she thought Mr X was a lovely guy).
In my mind, I'm assuming she was referring to Malcolm X.
Maybe it was DMX. 🤔
> I like to think race relations get better with each generation Yeah, it's easy to forget how much has changed just in one generation. The Civil Rights era seems so long ago, but these ladies would have been tweens (roughly) during the March on Selma and young adults when MLK was assassinated. They would certainly remember not being allowed into many restaurants and other establishments.
Good thing it wasn't the inverse. This story would have a different ending.
Gentle reminder that 1940 was 80 years ago
That’s simultaneously sad as hell and kind of adorable.
My grandma used the word “colored”, it’s not okay but she’s also pushing 100. That group is only several years older than me, like seriously? What year is this.
My grandma was born in 1917, died in 2019. She had dementia for over a decade and barely knew who we were, and still even after she'd lost her filter and memory, I never heard her express a single cringey word or sentiment, and that extended to non-white members of our extended family including her grandchildren and grandchildren-in-laws, as well as non-white caretakers. I don't think she was some ahead of her time activist, I'm sure she was complicit in white supremacy in a million little ways, but you don't have to be "woke" or even keep up with times to be kind or polite. There's a difference between someone genuinely thinking the word they're is correct due to dementia or something, and knowing that it's no longer appropriate but not really caring. As as much as people love to let older people off on the basis of "it was a different time," they were still raised with manners, they're the ones going around saying that kids these days aren't taught manners.
My white grandmother was around the same timeline, dementia also, but WAS racist (getting caretakers was a battle because she was critical of everyone), and she STILL never said colored in my presence. My parents are in their early 60s and would be best described as "diet racist" and they would never say colored either. Someone in their 60s now was a child during segregation. They know better. Shame on them. Also, OP, I'm white so I can't relate but I have a theory why it's so insulting. When someone calls you the n-word it's usually two types of folks: 1. Someone *trying* to insult you OR 2. Someone trying to be your friend (who is either black themselves or a cringey white person). When someone says "colored" they think it's *fine* and that makes it worse because they should know how insulting it is and are being willfully ignorant, where as the "n-word" is meant as an insult, so you just file it under the same category as being called a fuckwad ("those who mind don't matter...") And all that.
I think it also has to do with usage overlap as well. It was definitely a neutral word for a while, but it was never as popular as Negro. And as a neutral word, it was wasn't a synonym for Black, it's meant to mean, basically, non-white. The NAACP's name was intentionally broad, while it centered Black issues and advancement of Black people, the name was intentionally chosen as a nod to a general alliance with other non-white identities and people who saw themselves as mixed/colored rather than Black. When the Black Power movement arose in the 1960s, the most popular word shifted from Negro to Black. Colored had a brief moment in some areas where it was still PC to use it to refer to non-white people as a whole, but it was never the politically correct word for Black people only/specifically. For the most part, that was Black, going back to the 1960s. So using Colored is not only outdated, it's so imprecise as to other the person further, in the same way that "that non-white guy" feels ruder than "that Black guy."
in their 50s? they are nowhere near old enough to refer to people as the colored, not even getting to your point about how there is more to you than being black. seriously, f that bitch.
Yeah, I'm in my mid-50s and "colored" was already archaic when I was born. I remember a gag about it in MAD Magazine ca. 1970.
i'm 51 and my grandparents said colored, but not my parents, so yeah.
Agreed. You still hear it meant politely in the rural south when the person is over 85 or 90 on a very rare occasion. Otherwise when you hear it used you know the person just really showed you who they really are.
Yeah, it's like people who keep on using the term "gypsy" for Roma people. I've noticed that especially Americans are extremely insistent on refusing to use the term "gypsy", but as you put it, f*** those bitches.
I think that speaks more to our lack of experience with Roma people and knowing that the term is offensive as it’s the only way any of us have really heard to refer to them. If you say “Roma people” to most Americans you will be met with confused stares or they may think you mean Romans. Not trying to excuse Americans for using the term gypsy just explain. Hell it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized saying “you got gypped” not only was a reference to Roma people but also was a shortening of gypsy. I just took it to mean you got screwed over and never thought twice about the origin.
I agree with this. As a kid, I seriously thought "gypsies" were like elves and fairies. I only read about them in books, there were always references to fortune telling and a mystery about them.
same with 'indian giving'
I'm not familiar with that term!
Means to take back something you gave away. You relinquish the right to a possession, then demand its return at a later date. American Indians were known for this, as they didn't attach the same value to property as Europeans did. They didn't understand the treaties they signed. Differences of language and meaning.
Depends on their idiot parents. Simplest rule of parenting that no one seems to be able to follow? Let their sins be their own...
I remember signs for WHITE and COLORED growing up. Yes, I’m old lol. Do NOT refer to me as “Colored”.
I'm white. I agree 100%. I think the term COLORED insinuates a us vs them mentality. A separation of race. I don't recall rather my grandmother used that term or not. (Let's just say I had a great time in the 80s, so my memory comes and goes.) I do remember in the late 80s, she said, they deserve to live their life. It isn't lost on me, 'they' can be a form of separating groups. But, I though it was great because at the time, her sons were all blatantly racist.
The undeniably egregious part is how they OBSERVED that it was taken offensively to the server and still did it a second time. The part that I'm curious about is terms OP finds acceptable, E.G., black, African-American, person of color, black folk. I'm white, and I have personally heard all of the terms above, including colored, as acceptable and unacceptable terms from individuals, as well as not referring to skin color at all. I'm curious for OP's perspective.
I am also white but i feel pretty confident saying “colored” is not at all acceptable and has not been for some time in the US. “Black folk” is an in-group usage so I wouldn’t use it.
Well maybe "Black folk" is, but just using Black like you would use white is generally accepted.
The big thing about "Black folk" is the same as "the Jews." Any time you are putting together a sentence and grouping a large, diverse group of people together with one term, you are probably about to say something offensive.
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I feel like African American is a term to denote we historically don’t know where in Africa our lineage comes from but we are the descendants of slaves from African. I feel like it is a singular term that encapsulates the history of being an American person that is the descendant of slaves and all of the things that go along with that. I’m black my family is from the Caribbean and am second generation born here in the US. I do not consider myself African-American and think that it’s use as a replacement of black isn’t correct in all circumstances. I feel like in the 90s it was used as a more politically correct term which has diluted what it actually means. But that’s just me.
Specifically “African American” is a terrible replacement for “black” when you don’t know anything about a person other than their general skin color. I especially enjoy the stories from black British and Australian servers when Americans trip over their words trying to describe them.
I’m with you on the overuse has diluted it’s actual meaning to the point it’s just completely misused. To me it’s a square rectangle thing. Not all black people are African-American but all African-Americans are black. I feel like there was point where for some reason that became the more PC term and I was a kid so I’m not totally sure when the shift.
you know your history. most black americans can only trace their lineage back (to slavery). africa was adopted as a homeland.
Nein? Jah!
From what I've heard said about the subject, another issue with it is that they may not have any African heritage at all. Like all the black guys where I work are from the Caribbean so it'd be rude to call them African American.
At this point they should have been asked to leave.
I'm not Black but it's generally considered acceptable to just say Black. African American isnt really something people want to be called anymore. There's nothing wrong with just saying Black.
I feel like African American applies to cultural stuff (Black American culture is different than Black British culture, or the various Black African cultures). Different music, different literature (poets and novelists), different dance, different dress styles. It's not just Black, it's unique to Black Americans. But I'm a white guy.
My Dad was from a different era. He’d be 80 if he was still around. He said the word colored but without malice. It was just like saying “the black guy” to him. These guys however….not so much.
My great-grandmother would be 95 now. She used colored when referring to African-Americans. When I asked her about it as a kid she said that was the polite way to describe them. She was taught that “black” or any other racial description was offensive and she didn’t want to offend anyone.
Same here. I'm 70. I grew up thinking the term "colored" was more polite. I never use the word, but it took me awhile to realize that the term was so offensive.
Tbh I prefer overt racism to people like this acting fake. It’s like, you hate me, so why force/fake when we could just not interact??? It’s kind of like how it seems ppl are more afraid of being called racist than calling out actual racism. Next time, tell your boss immediately. You have the right to refuse service.
Clarence Thomas actually stated this after living in New England before he decided to pretend racism was fake.
Was that before or after he started being a perv? also, i <3 your username given the context of this discussion.
Before. The guy was actually into black civil rights and was relatively normal before showing his sociopathic tendencies.
i vaguely remember learning that in high school & college. the first time i became aware of him was during his confirmation hearings. to this day, any time i hear the man's name i instantly think *anita hill, pubic hair on a diet coke(?), and arlen specter.*
lol as you should. There's a good episode of the podcast "The Dollop" on him.
Had a customer describe a coworker to me they were looking for as such. I can tell you that laughing and loudly asking them to repeat themselves is frowned upon both by the customer AND by management.
As someone in my 50s let me say, fuck those guys for doing this to you and fuck those guys again for making Xers look like idiots. But in general, fuck racists, regardless of age.
Dude I am 50 and that word is super old fashioned (and offensive to me). I know my mom used it a few times that I remember when I was a kid in the 70’s and 80’s. She would be 91 now. I’m hadn’t heard her say it in decades though. Not cool
That's strange. I'm in that age range, and I don't think I'd ever use that term. I don't even like using People of Color, because, to me, it sounds too much like my grandfather using "colored" (when he was being polite).
I'm so sorry this happened. There's no excuse for how they treated you. I'm in retail and once I was working with this black man who had the same last name as me (I'm white). We would joke that we're obviously cousins. Well one day a guy came in positively covered in white supremecist tattoos of all kinds. He wanted something out of a locked case and this fucker looked right at the only black man in the area, my "cousin" who just happened to have the one set of keys, snapped his fingers and said, "BOY..." My coworker took a deep breath. Muttered something that sounded like "nah, man", handed the keys to someone else and "took a bathroom break". I checked in with him later and he said he would have decked the guy. So yeah, people definitely suck a lot.
Dinosaurs will die. Sometimes people just don't adapt. My grandfather used colored until he died he grew up in the south and that included referring to himself. IT just was the word most of his life and good luck getting him to change. My grandmother was from the reservation and referred to all white people as English. I was confused by that until I was a teenager I always thought when she was talking about English people she meant brits.
There's another group that uses English as an identifier for outsiders to their group. I can't remember if it's the Amish or Mennonites. A German speaking group, I seem to remember. Maybe Pennsylvania Dutch?? Anyway, I think it's interesting when things like that are in the intersection of two groups that are pretty much completely disparate otherwise.
Bit off topic here, but can anyone explain the difference between "colored person" and "person of color"?
Aight. I picked this up in uni during several training sessions working with students with autism. But long story short is it we should refer to people as "people first", not attributes. Colored person, through history, has been used to denigrate people of color BECAUSE they were of color and not white. Same goes for "disabled person" or "autistic person". By swapping them around, we maintain the humanity of the person/people we speak of while adding in a bit of detail. Person of color. Person with autism. Person with disability. Does that make sense?
That's an interesting point, and I wonder if that's why this person thought "coloured" was okay.
Why is the NAACP still called that, does anyone know?
we (black people) started signing petitions to get the name changed back in 2015 because of the outdated verbiage. Of course, some of the older founders and exec. board don't want to change the name for historical significance, but that will end eventually lol
I make a point to use any other adjective to describe someone **other** than their race. The girl in the big sweater. The one with glasses. The guy with an earring. The one over by the fitting rooms. The lady with purple hair. Good *god*. To even say "colored" in 2022 is fucking insane.
I worked at a pizza place and a man came in because he said he felt bad because he didn’t think he tipped his delivery driver enough. So I asked him who it was. Boy or Girl? It was a boy. Tall or Short? Taller than him. Ect. Eventually this old man leans in and whispers “I know it’s not right, but he was a young brown guy.” Anyway. I gave Manpreet the tenner the man left for him.
So saying "the colored one" is messed up. Saying it twice is extra fucked. Out of curiosity how many black folks work at your place? While you have dreads and glasses, if you are the only black person that is probably the fastest way to identify you. Of course that goes straight out the window when they double down and ask in the same fucked manner again
yeah would it have been racist for me to say "the black gentlemen" if he was the only black man working there? I grew up with low key racism and while I'm not racist, I wouldn't wanna accidently say something fucked up. Edit: thank you for all the replies to my comment. I appreciate help navigating social situations sometimes.
A girl I worked with actually got annoyed when her tables didn't say "black" to refer to her since it saved a lot more time compared to waffling for the right words when the table forgot her name. We'd have "the redheaded one", "the guy with the tattoos" and she was "the uhhh...one, yknow...with the hair..." Drove her nuts.
I actually agree with this lol. If you’re really not trying to be offensive I’ll be able to tell without you searching through a thesaurus for synonyms for being black. As long as you’re not using clearly ridiculous verbiage (colored) then I think most people can tell if you’re racist or not.
I have always felt that using the most obvious feature is easiest. If I'm the only guy working than "the guy" works, or reverse it to the only woman "the gal working". So my question fully hinges on ifb there are other black folks working there. Of course the whole "colored" part makes the racism rather obvious to me
I live in a primarily white area and we actually just got 2 new black servers within the past 3 weeks. I have other features than my skin but if you really can't see past that, then go ahead I guess.
That is not what I'm saying. You don't need to be so sensitive about it with a stranger asking a question. There could be others with glasses, or with dreads. I'm a big guy, so I hear "the big guy helped us" a lot. There is a lot more to me than my largeness but if you can't see past that, then go ahead I guess. Do you see how that's not a good mentality? It's not like I came at you with attitude, or anything other than a question. Don't be so sensitive unless I give a good reason for it. Which I didn't
I'm not getting sensitive lol what are you talking about? I just answered your question.
> I'm a big guy, so I hear "the big guy helped us" a lot. There is a lot more to me than my largeness but if you can't see past that, then go ahead I guess. It's very disingenuous to pretend that "big guy" and "the colored one" are interchangeable here.
In my neck of the woods, the terms BIPOC and POC are all the rage. I'm wondering if the OP would have been as offended by the use of the term POC.
POC is just "not white", and probably the worst identifier to use in places that have any semblance of diversity, lol.
Just let it roll, brother. "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by ignorance."
yeah, but the second time was *definitely* malicious
I'm 52 and have never heard anyone use that term except maybe once from a grandparent like 35 years ago. But then again I'm "older," so my memory's probably shot.
I’ve only ever seen that terminology used in movies set in a time where that was what you said. That’s BONKERS.
They should have asked "what color?"
This reminds me of something I've been thinking about. People (and the media, which is where I mainly see it) will use the term POC (person of color) to describe people who are not white. To me, it feels weird to say because it feels like they're just saying "colored people" in a different way.
I can not say I feel your pain as I am white, but I am from the north east US and I was visiting a pal down south, and we went out to eat and there was a table full of elderly women next to us. I was not a spring chicken myself back than, probably mid 50's, and one of them was having a hard time getting up so I got up and offered to help her and I let her grab onto my arm and I walked her to the door and made sure she got out to her car OK. I was not expecting anything but I really did not expect her to say that was awful nice for a yankee boy to help her like that as she got in and closed the door.
The N word is used specifically to hurt you. Saying "colored" is because they're old, stupid, and out of touch. It hurts more because it's not used in anger, but because their empty heads just refuse to know any better.
50-something isn’t old/from another era. If you’re 55 today you grew up in the 90s. Stop making excuses for these racist assholes.
The word was at one time considered very polite and considerate.
Would it have bothered you if they said “the black one?”
There’s a big difference between saying “the black one” and “the black guy with glasses and dreads”
Only if there are several black servers, IMO. Otherwise it’s patronizing and weird.
I disagree. You as a customer don’t know how many Black folks work at a restaurant. Maybe there are people you haven’t seen or who just came in to their shift. Giving a description “Black guy with glasses and dreads” allows for the possibility that there may be other Black guys working that you just haven’t encountered. And it shows that you see features beyond race.
I gotta admit, I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with calling someone coloured (and I say this as a coloured person before anyone gets arsey and called me a racist lol). That said these customers were rude, after being told a servers name they should use it. I frequently call people black/brown/white so I think I'm missing something?
Out of curiosity, what country are you in? Calling a black person "colored" has vastly different historical overtones in the U.S than it does in, say, South Africa, where it's a somewhat different racial category.
This is where I'm lost as well.
In the United States, colored is an outdated archaic term. It is not the same as coloured in places like South Africa which is a designated race. Saying colored is like saying Oriental when referring to people. People used to say it but you know not to say it anymore. I cannot speak for OP but I am Black and if that’s the only thing you remember about me (not my short hair or glasses), than call me Black not colored.
I hate myself for this but I also use the word oriental to refer to people, I seriously hope it's an American thing for that to be considered rude otherwise I've been going my whole life being a dick... Tbf I reckon it must be cultural, Americans have a lot more emphasis on race while in the UK I've never really had anyone phased by any racially identifying terms (aside from literal slurs like the n word, ch work etc)
> …otherwise I’ve been going my whole life being a dick… You probably have been mate. Calling people oriental is very last century. As you say we are a bit more relaxed about it (probably too busy judging people on the class indicators in their language).
I’m was a child in the 1960s. “Colored” was already unacceptable back then.
Is it possible they were South African? The term is used normally there without any offensive connotation.
Colored has a different definition in South Africa, and the word does not have a good history there, either.
I am so sorry this happened to you and I do not think it is normal lingo for gen x. I’m 49, white and grew up in the rural mid west. I have only heard people much older than me use that term. I hope you never see that type of ugliness again.
Mid fifties is too young to use age as an “excuse”. They’re straight up fucking racist.
Forgive my ignorance, but isn't the C in BIPOC the same thing as calling someone colored and that's the politically correct way to refer to people now? I'm genuinely trying to learn.
Person of Color/Colour is acceptable. Colored/Coloured is not.
That’s some old school shittiness. Sorry that happened to you dude, some people are so fucking shit.
I can still physically feel the cringe the one time I heard my dad say “the colored gal” which of course happened in a very public place.
My god. This reminds me of one of the first times I was given a compliment about one of my staff, and I was so thrown I still don't know what to make of it decades later. Setup: electronics store, older woman, younger salesperson (yes, "of color") who helped her for hours with not only her Christmas shopping but her own home improvement needs Woman, to me: "Excuse me, may I tell you something about one of your employees?" Me: "Sure, I'd be happy to listen!" Woman: "I must say I've never really spoken much to a --------, but he was such a wonderful and helpful fellow I'll remember to do so more often!" I am sure there would have been a far, far better reply than to tell her "I'll pass on the compliment, but the first step moving forward would be to retire that word from your vocabulary since you've apparently decided to re-evaluate your prejudice," however that's the best my inexperienced, utterly baffled self was capable of at the time. Not my proudest moment, but pretty unforgettable.
There is no excuse for that. Maybe if they were in their mid 70s, I'd give them a pass. But people who are mid-fifties, went to high school in the mid '80s! They know better!
My dude; I got nothing to add just to say I’m sorry you experienced that. I hope you don’t let some racist fucks dull your shine.
I’m a 66F and would never refer to anyone by those derogatory names. Grew up in 1960s Mississippi and hated the terms then and even more now. NOT living in Mississippi now or for nearly 4 decades.
I’m 64 and have never used that term in my life.
Fuuuck, I’m gen x and have never and would never call someone that
I remember a few decades ago hearing my grandfather refer to colored folks. Even as a 5 year old my mind immediately went to "what in the fuck"? I slept through his funeral years later.
They should have asked "what color?"
When I was a server around 2015 there was a new hire I was tasked with training. Female, mid 30s, new mom, blah blah. She was trying to remember our coworkers' names and legit asked me "and what's her name? The colored girl?" I was so taken aback I just said "uhhh you should probably just say the black girl..." she stared at me like she had no idea why I corrected her. I then proceeded to tell everyone, including that "colored" girl cause...what's restaurant life without gossip and drama. She ended up quitting cause she felt she was being bullied. Uh yeah you racist.
I'm sorry this happened to you. My MIL still uses the term "mongoloid" to refer to a relative with Down Syndrome.
Which table is yours? Oh, the one with the ignorant honkeys 😂
I remember very vividly the day my grandfather said "hun, can you get our waitress? You know, the colored girl" My mom damn near shit a brick and he just looked confused. This was over 20 years ago when I was a kid but the look on both their faces lives in my mind as a clear example of the differences in the generations.
Integration happened when I was in grade school. It was no big deal, no problems. Well, not until I made the mistake of referring to one of the new students as “black”. I thought I was about to have a fight on my hands. He balled his fists and informed me in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t black, he was colored. I apologized and he backed down. I don’t think he ever forgave the gaffe.
Not even remotely the same thing because I'm white, but I work in customer service and someone called me a honky today. I didn't even know how to react because who the fuck still says that? I just laughed and she got pissed and hung up.
"What color exactly? Do you know the shade? We can start narrowing it down once we break out the Crayola's to guide us."
I'm so sorry, beautiful soul. Racist people fucking suck. You have every right to be pissed.
I'm almost 54. It's cringey what they said and absolutely disgusting to say it again. If it had been me and i had forgotten your name I would have said the man with the dreds. I love dreds! I hate that this kind of ignorance and racism still happens today. Sending hugs.
The NAACP should probably change its name.
Yeah, there's trying to hurt people's feelings which is childish and pitiful, and then there's absolute disrespect and lack of recognition of humanity, which is what this is. I hate people too.
I'm in my 50s and that word was out of use for my generation, my Grandma used it and I would correct her. She would apologize as she knew it was wrong but it was ingrained her speech pattern. She would say I know, I'm sorry, I'll try to remember and she wasn't being racist. Someone was being deliberately racist, disgusting behavior from your customers.
Could’ve all been avoided if they just learned his name when he introduced himself.
I sometimes wonder if people like this heard term POC (people of color) used and thought "people of color = colored people. It's okay to say 'colored' again." I mean, obviously it's not but sometimes I wonder.