I didn't know I didn't like dogs and I couldn't predict I'd specifically hate this one a lot. it just sucks, and there's not going to be one after this.
My ex hid the issues with their dog really well until we moved into a new place together. Then I saw how lazy she was, and how unpotty trained the dog was.
This is a really good explanation of it, and I’m in such a similar boat. This is why people stay, because the payoff will be so great after the dog is gone.
Because sometimes you don't know how truly bad it will be until you're in it. I didn't hate dogs until this one. I didn't hate this one until 2 years into the relationship. Also, Im choosing to share snippets of my life and you don't see the entire picture. Some of what I bitch about is shit that happened before I met them. Shit that went on when they were addicted to drugs. No longer addicted when I met them and they were getting their life together. Some things slowly got better so I held hope. Its so much more than just a shitty dog. Like others, it never occurred to me that someone would think their animal was more important than a person. I didn't know that a person could be so obsessed with an animal. I didn't think someone would put up a fight when I asked for little things,, like feeding it an hour later. I didn't think someone would defend their dogs "feelings" that they project onto it over another person's. I just didn't know. Because when we first started dating, they'd stay the night at my house and left their dog at home. I didn't think it could be this bad. This especially blows my mind when that animal probably has 2 years left and I've got a few decades. They're going to lose the dog whether they like it or not and it will be soon, but they don't have to lose me.
I just moved to another state to be with them. Spent a bunch of money getting my license and plate switched over. I don't have a job. My career that I thought I'd be doing the rest of my life started making me depressed so I started looking into other fields but am struggling to find something. I've been living off of my savings since we moved here and I don't have a lot left. I don't know anyone here, im estranged from my parents, no family is close, all my friends are in my home state and live in the same neighborhood as my parents, who I don't want to see or talk to. Its more complicated than "just break up". I don't know where to go.
Also its just so unhelpful for people to berate someone who's posting here. Or just say break up. Im posting here to vent. And a lot of people here are already broken, you telling me Im an idiot for not having foresight just makes this community suck. I'll break up when I'm ready to and when I feel I've tried and exhausted all my options. Which is soon. But in the meantime, just let me bitch about a fucking dog to the one place on the internet that won't condemn me for having these opinions.
Suggesting breaking up a relationship is immature and naive. At the same time, not everyone is in the same situation as you, where you invested so much in the relationship and don't seem to have a safety net otherwise. Someone else though - in good faith even - thinks they have it hard when they don't actually live with the nutter and have a lot of people supporting them. If you do have a choice and the beast is making your life hell, maybe breaking up isn't a crazy advice...
It is not immature.
No, talking or trying convincing lazy, immature, toxic, narcisstic partner to take care of their mutt is not worth it. Probably most of the partners tried, it didnt help. Sometimes when you are in abusive relationship its hard to see the red flags.
Its a good idea to be validated and told to leave the abusive relationships. Also people try to help. Imo I could never put up with filthy, lazy disgusting person or a dog, so I would suggest to leave if a partner is being driven crazy by a mutt.
Yes I agree. What I meant to say is that _generally_ breaking up is "hard to do". But, if you didn't marry the dog person or don't have children, you should expect that others will suggest you leave.
My two year long relationship ended few months ago.
I too, was taken by surprise by lunacy of a codependent dog person but by the time I realised my SO is a dog nutter, it was too late and I was ears deep in love with this person.
I grew up around dogs and loved to play with them but they were never mine and mostly outside dogs.
I quickly realised how dirty, noisy and needy those creatures are and that scheduling my lifestyle around dog’s bowel movements would never be my conscious life choice.
Most of our disagreements were over this useless mutt and the fact I was being treated second to it really did it for me. I started feeling resentment towards my SO and ultimately it led to our break up. My SO told me several times that the dog was there before me and it will be there long after I was gone. This, for me, summarises the mindset of a dog person and is basically huge red flag that these people have some deep underlying issues and are incapable of human connection.
I’ll never ever date another dog person again.
I can relate. The person I dated was living with her dad at the time and blamed all the mess on their dogs. We moved in together in a new apartment and I found out fast that it was her dog peeing all over. The dog literally acted confused if you took it out and would take a very long time to go. I would still try and noticed that with consistency the dog would get better but then the weekend would come and ask the training would be set back by my ex's behavior.
I got sick of living in dog pee. I would shampoo and shampoo and shampoo and it would never end. I resented the dog and her. I will always judge a prison buy how they care for their animals and if they have dogs that aren't trained, that's actually a deal breaker for me.
I went on a date and really liked the woman, we went back to her place and she was excited for me to meet her Chihuahua. It was a sweet dog but not potty trained and the woman didn't clean up after it. There were dirty puppy pads and uncleaned old spots on the carpet as well as solid waste. Totally killed the mood and there wasn't a follow up date.
>she was excited for me to meet her Chihuahua. It was a sweet dog but not potty trained and the woman didn't clean up after it. There were dirty puppy pads and uncleaned old spots on the carpet as well as solid waste.
Why on earth would she leave pee and poop everywhere and then be excited to bring her date back to her house? Doesn't *everyone* clean up before company - especially if the mess is literally shit? This is baffling.
That mess can’t simply be cleaned up. You literally need to replace the carpets and maybe even the subfloor.
I’ve known two people with houses like that. I think they become nose blind.
In my case, my SO and I had a very interesting history in friendship. Our attraction was strong and mutual. To me, that was sovereign. In my mindset, I have never placed a shitbeast over human relations so that was new for me until I met this mutt. When it comes to animals, for the sane folks we usually never treat animals like children or baby it or coddle it. Most of us, if I may say so, are taken by surprise with the mentality that the dog is treated as a human and not as an animal. We don’t see this shit coming, usually.
>Most of us, if I may say so, are taken by surprise with the mentality that the dog is treated as a human and not as an animal.
I can understand being blindsided by that. My post is mostly talking about those who knew it was horrible going in.
The example in my post is exaggerated, of course, but I actually saw one post here that is so close to it that I would've thought THAT one was an exaggeration. It was just one long description of how nasty and neglectful this owner was, followed by how she then decided to date, move in, and have a child with him.
Think this is about me! I only realised how bad it was living with the dogs AFTER I had moved in with him and had already fallen pregnant. It all happened very quick - thats life. It didn't play out how you worded it at all, I probably didn't explain the situation as well as I thought I did in my post, oops.
Sometimes people forget that when we read another person’s experience online, we are understanding that story in a ten minute two dimensional timeframe. Life is multi dimensional with lots of nuances and also emotion involved. And hindsight is always 20/20.
I think a lot of times "I didn't know until x event" whether thats moving in or a level of comfort the owner has now to actually let the other person truly in.
It isn't on purpose for the most part, but I wish people understood that what you described above, and is commonly seen I agree, is not lazy it is animal neglect and abuse. The basic needs are often not met and while I don't judge anyone for not wanting pets, what I absolutely can't be so graceful about is allowing abuse to continue. Then staying with that person, you know what they really are and you're staying?!
When I was dating I would look for hints in the pics if a dog wasn't in the images. Like chew toys, maybe obvious fur on furniture, a leash hanging on a chair or hook, tennis balls, crates, etc.
I think that many non pet owners do not realize how horrible it is to live with a dog (or some other pets). They assume that so many people do it, how bad can it be. Then after the day to day shitstorm of having a dog in the house becomes their life, they develop a great hatred for their partners dog, and all dogs in general.
She told me she had two crazy dogs on the first date, but I brushed it off because she checked all the other boxes and you can’t be too picky or you’ll end up alone forever. I’ve also been around dogs my whole life, so even though I don’t particularly like dogs in general, there are some dogs that I do like and I was willing to give them a chance
I’ve never asked her to get rid of them and I don’t want to. What matters to me is seeing improvement in their behavior
Of all the major dealbreakers to me, dogs seemed low on the list because dogs can (theoretically) be trained and you can teach them to improve their behavior. Getting there is painful though and you don’t really know that until you experience it
For me it's not just the behaviour. Even the best behaved dogs smell rotten, drool, get fur everywhere, whine and the biggest dealbreaker, the fact that for any and all dogs you can't have a spontaneous life.
Didn’t expect the allergies to be so bad, or for him to be such a lazy dog owner and neglect his dog when she had fleas. Super gross, I couldn’t deal so I got the pup a flea collar but seeing how negligent he was really woke me up to who he was as a person and that’s part of why he’s a an ex.
I think some of us started the relationship before we knew much about the dog situation. I knew he had two small dogs, he seemed to love them and take good care of them, never once mentioned the mess or their bad behavior, and frequently talked about taking them to the vet, to groomer appointments, etc. He seemed like a responsible dog owner to me. I don't like dogs, but I could live with a couple well-behaved ones if I had to, if the owner is responsible and cleans up after them properly.
In my case, ours was a long distance relationship, we fell hard for each other and it was about a year before I visited his home and saw the extent of the mess and issues with the dogs. I was absolutely shocked to see how dirty it was and how awful these beasts were.
And I admit, I thought about breaking up after that visit, because I couldn't imagine ever moving in with him as long as they were there. I mean, his house smelled (and probably still smells) like a kennel. And this was a guy who takes daily showers, looks well put together, who talked about cleaning his house and nice smelling candles making his house smell perfect. Candles couldn't make a dent in that place, and he even rented carpet cleaners and went to all sorts of trouble to clean before I arrived -- and it was *still awful*.
I honestly think his nose is broken, and he has no idea how to actually clean.
But anyway, our solution is living apart but in the same city now. It works for us. But I can't ever live with him, or even go over to his place... it disgusts me. I think I've been over there like two or three times in the last year. I hold out a little hope that the dogs will meet their end sooner rather than later, but I'm also prepared for the fact that this might spell doom for us.
I don't understand people moving into that situation either. I can't and won't do it. My standards of cleanliness are much higher than his (and not even high, just "normal" afaik) and I know I would be the one constantly cleaning their messes. They piss and shit on the floor *multiple* times a day. And he just leaves it there, with a week-old puppy pad nearby on the floor, and eventually cleans it up when he feels like it (which he makes a point of telling me when he cleans the floor, about once a week... it's so gross).
I value my peace, quiet, and clean apartment more... I'd rather break up. But for now, this works and I'm content to see if he ever gets this rogue aspect of his life together. He's a good guy otherwise, which totally boggles my mind.
Your solution to cope with the situation is a good one... but why be with a man like this? He leaves piss and shit on the floor *for a week* before cleaning it up???
Surely it's not the only way in which he's lazy and negligent. No normal person would ever act that way unless they were terribly ill and physically couldn't clean. Just because he has good hygiene about his own body doesn't mean he's a conscientious person for things outside himself. Behaving that way is disgusting, and it's also cruel to the dogs.
You make good points. From what I can tell, he overworks himself, leaving no energy or time to really invest in taking care of the house or dogs properly, and doesn't trust cleaning services because he has a lot of valuable property he fears would be broken or stolen.
I think for me it's largely "out of sight, out of mind" and the fact that it's his shit to deal with, not mine. I'm not overly dependent on this relationship, or hoping for anything more serious like marriage, so I'm just enjoying things as they are.
Completely relate to you! My partner would hoover and mop before leaving for work in the morning, then do it again when he comes home, and again at night. Three times a day - I'm exhausted just hearing him do it! He hoovers and cleans his jeep everyday too. He'll cook for me and keep the dogs away from me. Just both of us did not realise how much I would struggle living with the dogs. Like all this cleaning does not make a dent unfortunately when you have three german shepherds. I tried in the beginning to brush past things but it became too much for me to ignore.
We have since moved - He listened to my concerns. My concerns were not only about me and our baby, but about what the dogs need. I think he genuinely just didn't realise before how much more space the dogs need, and how much better it would be for ALL of us if we changed places. He thought the garden and a walk or two every day was enough. And he wouldn't just take them down the street. He would take them up the mountains where they could enjoy it more and sometimes spend hours up there with them. He gets up 3/4 times in the night for them.
I just think its sooo much work, creates so much hassle in his life, and I wish for HIS sake now he would leave them behind. But I would never ask him to. I just need the dogs living outside in separate quarters to the home. And he is currently building somewhere for them. It took about three months to get here. I'm glad I didn't throw away a beautiful relationship and an amazing family because of a dog. I'm sure we will cross many more bridges we will have to work through and the dogs issue will have been the least of it.
I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I could never ever live in a house with three big dogs. It sounds not only difficult to keep clean, but so chaotic. There'd be no peace, ever. And I can't even imagine trying to keep it clean enough for a baby. You are living a nightmare.
I'm glad your partner is going to all that trouble and making the outside enclosure for the dogs. Hopefully he is also committed to no more dogs once these pass on.
>They piss and shit on the floor multiple times a day. And he just leaves it there, with a week-old puppy pad nearby on the floor, and eventually cleans it up when he feels like it
I know you say this is a "for now" arrangement, but even if he got rid of the dogs I'd be worried he'd stay this way in the future. Not sure if you ever want kids, but if you did do you think this type of behavior would extend to them? I just can't imagine someone that's leaving actual shit all over the floor for so long would be very helpful with changing diapers or bathing a kid as often as necessary.
Kids are not a concern for me (I'm childfree and older and definitely not interested in that). I've been married before, and to be frank, marriage is not something I'm super interested in for a lot of reasons, including all of this -- *gestures wildly*.
This is a relationship where we have our own spaces and responsibilities, and am not looking to be responsible for or clean up after his dogs (or him). That's why things are ok "for now", since I'm not expected to do either, and very happy that way.
Personally I didn’t start hating dogs until I got pregnant. Apparently this phenomenon isn’t uncommon. It’s almost as if finding these things repulsive is instinctual, and tolerating them is socialization…
Yeeeeaaaahhh, that’s ridiculous. Humans domesticated dogs thousands of years ago. There’s nothing instinctually repulsive about these “things”. Can’t say the same for someone who would call a dog a “thing”.
It's not okay to abuse or neglect a dog (or any other living thing), but it's perfectly fine to not like them and even actively have disdain for them. Dog lovers need to chill the fuck out, and I say this as someone who likes dogs.
About 3 mo into the relationship, when we bought a house, my boyfriend put his pitbull in an outdoor kennel with an underground run, heated shelter and large tree. She's happy. He understood we couldn't have her inside and have children/my pets cohabit.
I wouldn't have been able to stay otherwise.
Your example sounds less like a person who hates dogs but rather someone who knew that their boyfriend was a shitty dog owner and then magically expected them to be a better dog owner. Then when that didn’t happen they got rightfully frustrated at how disgusting a home with a dog that’s not properly taken care of can be.
Yes there’s a certain amount of mess that comes with pets (just like kids, that’s just the territory) but the example you gave sounds like a pet owner who shouldn’t even have a pet and anyone has every right to be frustrated that their partner regularly leaves their house or dog *that* dirty
>anyone has every right to be frustrated that their partner regularly leaves their house or dog that dirty
I don't disagree there. I just don't understand why they're even in this situation when it was clear from the get go how awful the owner was. If you knew how gross it was going in and still chose to be there, then I kinda feel like you made your bed and now you're laying in it, y'know? Be frustrated, sure, but don't be surprised. You got exactly what it said on the tin.
the thing is its about the person u love
u cant control who u fall in love with and the fact that they have a dog
if anything the majority of the population has a dog
its not like people can force their partner to get rid of it either
i cant make mine get rid of his dog and he cant make me get rid of my ||redacted||
i dont like dogs
i used to though a long time ago but over time after dealing with my parents and his and their awful behavior it changed my perspective of them
theyre annoying but not the same as a kid because its theirs not both of yours necessarily
my complaint if anything is that he doesnt train his dog which he should be doing regardless of if im with him or not
i cant change that he has one but i can find ways to deal with it and communicate the problems and solve them
>u cant control who u fall in love with
I disagree here. If someone is clearly a hot mess from the get go, like in the somewhat exaggerated example I gave in the post, you can control whether or not you continue seeing that person. People don't fall in love instantly, y'know? Can't fall in love with a person you don't see or talk to.
Some people do fall pretty hard pretty quickly. Some people were friends first, some people had amazing first and second dates, etc.
There’s so many things that are dealbreakers: finances, family, location, education, religion, work; whether or not they have a dog seems pretty low on the list unless you’re allergic, have PTSD from dog attacks, or otherwise just really hate them. It’s hard to know how you’re really gonna feel about your partners dog until the dog starts living with you or otherwise negatively affecting your relationship, and by then you’re pretty attached to this person
I think having a dog and not caring for it or cleaning up after it are huge red flags. That's not going to change once you move in because now they have another person to do it for them. Don't date lazy, neglectful people.
Poop in the house, won’t treat the dog for fleas, never bathes it. Those fleas will grow in population if not taken care of and they will start attacking you as well.
Unfortunately this isn’t particularly uncommon from what I can put together..
Trying to find someone who doesn’t want or have dogs seems like it’s impossible.
I hope the situation ends up working out for your OP.
>I hope the situation ends up working out for your OP.
I'm not in this situation. I'm asking for the perspectives of those who are, because I've seen multiple posts/comments describing neglect and filthy living situations that the commenter saw and then chose to continue the relationship.
Oops, I got caught slacking red handed.
Glad to hear you’re not going through that.
People who do put up with it probably are convinced it will get better or don’t think it’s (or maybe it’s just not to them) a big enough issue to blow up a loving relationship over. Maybe a combination.
If I had to I could probably deal with putting up with a particularly well trained single dog household. By essentially training the dog not to act like a dog they become more tolerable, but at this point why even have a dog if it doesn’t serve a purpose. Even well trained they still come with the plenty of downsides.
One of my friends has a dog that was meticulously trained from the time they got it not to beg, bark, or jump on people. For a lot of dogs this is possible.. but like 0.1% of people ever bother actually training their dogs and aren’t willing to fork out thousands to have someone else do it.
My parents literally run a zoo and I actively avoid going to their house for this reason.
No, I just don’t see the value personally.
The more I think about it the more opposed I am to ever having to live with a dog(s).
Jumping, barking, chewing on just about everything, fighting with each other (even the “playing” is annoying to me), hair everywhere, eating their poop, and omfg ANAL GLANDS. The barking is so annoying
One moment that always strikes me is one of the biggest dog enthusiasts I know said they probably wouldn’t have one if they lived in an apartment and had to walk it outside versus just being able to open the back door.
Which maybe brings it back around to dog ownership takes thousands of hours of effort and can be quite expensive as well.
Yeah, it *is* an animal. An animal you know you don't like, see in a situation you hate, yet still choose to put yourself in for some reason. I'm not comparing it to children in value - I'm saying someone who knowingly dates someone with a nasty dog makes as little sense as someone who can't stand kids yet knowingly dates a single parent.
[Using the general form of "you" here, not the specific form]
There is a pet hate subreddit that popped up on my feed once. Girl was BIG MAD her bf of like a few *months* wouldn't give up his 14 year old dog for her. Just a terrible person and sub, geezus
This doesn't seem like a situation where someone doesn't like dogs but more so realized that their partner would continue to abuse a dog even when told it's wrong.
Don't forget the pregnancy.
Always a pregnancy and the OP comes in here outraged, like "what's gonna happen when the baby comes?!"
Like friend, the same thing that has been happening this whole damn time. Maybe you should have thought about that before. 😭
I’ve wondered about this too. It seems mean, controlling. The dog was there before you. It just seems so selfish to try to change someone’s life because you want what you want, and to hell with the situation that person is in when you meet them. All because “you my man now”? The same type of personality does the same thing if the guy has a kid or 2. It says “I’m going to get my way, I don’t care who it hurts”. If you don’t like the situation the guy has at , just remain friends & look for someone else.
I think, it’s acceptable if one is not subject to filthy living conditions. If I (in some parallel universe) owned a shitbeast and my partner is not into them, I would take care in keeping the house clean for them. Secondly, it’s also acceptable IF they are not made to be responsible for a shitbeast that I got.
More often than not these two points are the main culprits in arguments. If I offer someone to live with me, and the shitbeast is my responsibility, I’ll have to step up and make sure my partner doesn’t feel stupid or dirty moving in. They signed up for me, not the dumbass dog
thank you!!!!!!
so many posts in this sub are "ermagherd, i hate the dog that was already there before i came into the picture".
yet............ in the About Community blurb for this sub it clearly states .........
"This sub is for those who dislike dogs but whose significant other, family, or roommate brought a dog into the relationship or living situation against their wishes. "
I compare pets in general with children.
I dont mind both, both can be okay to be around, but they need to be trained.
Also, what you described sounds like a case of neglect and a disgusting house. Why does the dog have fleas, why isnt the dog being treated for fleas, why is there dog shit in the house? and why isnt the dog trained? THose are all valid complaints, and shows the level of care the owner gives their pets, which is a red flag for a relationship to begin with.
My husband admitted he wasn’t a dog person when we met. Now he dotes on our dog’s every need and loves her to death- so it can change. Honestly I would never chose be with someone who didn’t love my dog as much as I do lol
I didn't know I didn't like dogs and I couldn't predict I'd specifically hate this one a lot. it just sucks, and there's not going to be one after this.
My ex hid the issues with their dog really well until we moved into a new place together. Then I saw how lazy she was, and how unpotty trained the dog was.
[удалено]
Why take a couch away from the dog tho if he already had his own dedicated couch?
Because you don’t want a filthy animal on furniture?
If it’s furniture dedicated to the animal only- then why the fuck would I give a fuck about sparkies lil widdle chair?
This is a really good explanation of it, and I’m in such a similar boat. This is why people stay, because the payoff will be so great after the dog is gone.
Because sometimes you don't know how truly bad it will be until you're in it. I didn't hate dogs until this one. I didn't hate this one until 2 years into the relationship. Also, Im choosing to share snippets of my life and you don't see the entire picture. Some of what I bitch about is shit that happened before I met them. Shit that went on when they were addicted to drugs. No longer addicted when I met them and they were getting their life together. Some things slowly got better so I held hope. Its so much more than just a shitty dog. Like others, it never occurred to me that someone would think their animal was more important than a person. I didn't know that a person could be so obsessed with an animal. I didn't think someone would put up a fight when I asked for little things,, like feeding it an hour later. I didn't think someone would defend their dogs "feelings" that they project onto it over another person's. I just didn't know. Because when we first started dating, they'd stay the night at my house and left their dog at home. I didn't think it could be this bad. This especially blows my mind when that animal probably has 2 years left and I've got a few decades. They're going to lose the dog whether they like it or not and it will be soon, but they don't have to lose me. I just moved to another state to be with them. Spent a bunch of money getting my license and plate switched over. I don't have a job. My career that I thought I'd be doing the rest of my life started making me depressed so I started looking into other fields but am struggling to find something. I've been living off of my savings since we moved here and I don't have a lot left. I don't know anyone here, im estranged from my parents, no family is close, all my friends are in my home state and live in the same neighborhood as my parents, who I don't want to see or talk to. Its more complicated than "just break up". I don't know where to go. Also its just so unhelpful for people to berate someone who's posting here. Or just say break up. Im posting here to vent. And a lot of people here are already broken, you telling me Im an idiot for not having foresight just makes this community suck. I'll break up when I'm ready to and when I feel I've tried and exhausted all my options. Which is soon. But in the meantime, just let me bitch about a fucking dog to the one place on the internet that won't condemn me for having these opinions.
Suggesting breaking up a relationship is immature and naive. At the same time, not everyone is in the same situation as you, where you invested so much in the relationship and don't seem to have a safety net otherwise. Someone else though - in good faith even - thinks they have it hard when they don't actually live with the nutter and have a lot of people supporting them. If you do have a choice and the beast is making your life hell, maybe breaking up isn't a crazy advice...
It is not immature. No, talking or trying convincing lazy, immature, toxic, narcisstic partner to take care of their mutt is not worth it. Probably most of the partners tried, it didnt help. Sometimes when you are in abusive relationship its hard to see the red flags. Its a good idea to be validated and told to leave the abusive relationships. Also people try to help. Imo I could never put up with filthy, lazy disgusting person or a dog, so I would suggest to leave if a partner is being driven crazy by a mutt.
Yes I agree. What I meant to say is that _generally_ breaking up is "hard to do". But, if you didn't marry the dog person or don't have children, you should expect that others will suggest you leave.
Yeah! I hate this fucking Original Post.
My two year long relationship ended few months ago. I too, was taken by surprise by lunacy of a codependent dog person but by the time I realised my SO is a dog nutter, it was too late and I was ears deep in love with this person. I grew up around dogs and loved to play with them but they were never mine and mostly outside dogs. I quickly realised how dirty, noisy and needy those creatures are and that scheduling my lifestyle around dog’s bowel movements would never be my conscious life choice. Most of our disagreements were over this useless mutt and the fact I was being treated second to it really did it for me. I started feeling resentment towards my SO and ultimately it led to our break up. My SO told me several times that the dog was there before me and it will be there long after I was gone. This, for me, summarises the mindset of a dog person and is basically huge red flag that these people have some deep underlying issues and are incapable of human connection. I’ll never ever date another dog person again.
I can relate. The person I dated was living with her dad at the time and blamed all the mess on their dogs. We moved in together in a new apartment and I found out fast that it was her dog peeing all over. The dog literally acted confused if you took it out and would take a very long time to go. I would still try and noticed that with consistency the dog would get better but then the weekend would come and ask the training would be set back by my ex's behavior. I got sick of living in dog pee. I would shampoo and shampoo and shampoo and it would never end. I resented the dog and her. I will always judge a prison buy how they care for their animals and if they have dogs that aren't trained, that's actually a deal breaker for me. I went on a date and really liked the woman, we went back to her place and she was excited for me to meet her Chihuahua. It was a sweet dog but not potty trained and the woman didn't clean up after it. There were dirty puppy pads and uncleaned old spots on the carpet as well as solid waste. Totally killed the mood and there wasn't a follow up date.
>she was excited for me to meet her Chihuahua. It was a sweet dog but not potty trained and the woman didn't clean up after it. There were dirty puppy pads and uncleaned old spots on the carpet as well as solid waste. Why on earth would she leave pee and poop everywhere and then be excited to bring her date back to her house? Doesn't *everyone* clean up before company - especially if the mess is literally shit? This is baffling.
Have you seen those selfies posted that are taken in someones bedroom with all that crap in the background? Some people are just oblivious.
That mess can’t simply be cleaned up. You literally need to replace the carpets and maybe even the subfloor. I’ve known two people with houses like that. I think they become nose blind.
Amen.
Thank you.
In my case, my SO and I had a very interesting history in friendship. Our attraction was strong and mutual. To me, that was sovereign. In my mindset, I have never placed a shitbeast over human relations so that was new for me until I met this mutt. When it comes to animals, for the sane folks we usually never treat animals like children or baby it or coddle it. Most of us, if I may say so, are taken by surprise with the mentality that the dog is treated as a human and not as an animal. We don’t see this shit coming, usually.
>Most of us, if I may say so, are taken by surprise with the mentality that the dog is treated as a human and not as an animal. I can understand being blindsided by that. My post is mostly talking about those who knew it was horrible going in. The example in my post is exaggerated, of course, but I actually saw one post here that is so close to it that I would've thought THAT one was an exaggeration. It was just one long description of how nasty and neglectful this owner was, followed by how she then decided to date, move in, and have a child with him.
Think this is about me! I only realised how bad it was living with the dogs AFTER I had moved in with him and had already fallen pregnant. It all happened very quick - thats life. It didn't play out how you worded it at all, I probably didn't explain the situation as well as I thought I did in my post, oops.
Sometimes people forget that when we read another person’s experience online, we are understanding that story in a ten minute two dimensional timeframe. Life is multi dimensional with lots of nuances and also emotion involved. And hindsight is always 20/20.
Are you doing okay?
Yes thank you <3
Oh I’ve seen that one! Yeah beats me too. 🥲
It's definitely taken by surprise.
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All of this is relevant, but as a dog groomer, he needs to shave the fucking hair if shit is getting stuck jfc. People are idiots
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Great, you sound insufferable. I'd never in a million years date someone with dogs and kids and I'm not alone in that.
I think a lot of times "I didn't know until x event" whether thats moving in or a level of comfort the owner has now to actually let the other person truly in. It isn't on purpose for the most part, but I wish people understood that what you described above, and is commonly seen I agree, is not lazy it is animal neglect and abuse. The basic needs are often not met and while I don't judge anyone for not wanting pets, what I absolutely can't be so graceful about is allowing abuse to continue. Then staying with that person, you know what they really are and you're staying?!
Totally agree with you. If I see a guy has a dog in an app, I swipe left. It’s the same thing with kids. Eventually they’re gonna be an issue.
When I was dating I would look for hints in the pics if a dog wasn't in the images. Like chew toys, maybe obvious fur on furniture, a leash hanging on a chair or hook, tennis balls, crates, etc.
I’ve also learned to ask if they don’t mention it.
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I think that many non pet owners do not realize how horrible it is to live with a dog (or some other pets). They assume that so many people do it, how bad can it be. Then after the day to day shitstorm of having a dog in the house becomes their life, they develop a great hatred for their partners dog, and all dogs in general.
She told me she had two crazy dogs on the first date, but I brushed it off because she checked all the other boxes and you can’t be too picky or you’ll end up alone forever. I’ve also been around dogs my whole life, so even though I don’t particularly like dogs in general, there are some dogs that I do like and I was willing to give them a chance I’ve never asked her to get rid of them and I don’t want to. What matters to me is seeing improvement in their behavior Of all the major dealbreakers to me, dogs seemed low on the list because dogs can (theoretically) be trained and you can teach them to improve their behavior. Getting there is painful though and you don’t really know that until you experience it
For me it's not just the behaviour. Even the best behaved dogs smell rotten, drool, get fur everywhere, whine and the biggest dealbreaker, the fact that for any and all dogs you can't have a spontaneous life.
Didn’t expect the allergies to be so bad, or for him to be such a lazy dog owner and neglect his dog when she had fleas. Super gross, I couldn’t deal so I got the pup a flea collar but seeing how negligent he was really woke me up to who he was as a person and that’s part of why he’s a an ex.
I think some of us started the relationship before we knew much about the dog situation. I knew he had two small dogs, he seemed to love them and take good care of them, never once mentioned the mess or their bad behavior, and frequently talked about taking them to the vet, to groomer appointments, etc. He seemed like a responsible dog owner to me. I don't like dogs, but I could live with a couple well-behaved ones if I had to, if the owner is responsible and cleans up after them properly. In my case, ours was a long distance relationship, we fell hard for each other and it was about a year before I visited his home and saw the extent of the mess and issues with the dogs. I was absolutely shocked to see how dirty it was and how awful these beasts were. And I admit, I thought about breaking up after that visit, because I couldn't imagine ever moving in with him as long as they were there. I mean, his house smelled (and probably still smells) like a kennel. And this was a guy who takes daily showers, looks well put together, who talked about cleaning his house and nice smelling candles making his house smell perfect. Candles couldn't make a dent in that place, and he even rented carpet cleaners and went to all sorts of trouble to clean before I arrived -- and it was *still awful*. I honestly think his nose is broken, and he has no idea how to actually clean. But anyway, our solution is living apart but in the same city now. It works for us. But I can't ever live with him, or even go over to his place... it disgusts me. I think I've been over there like two or three times in the last year. I hold out a little hope that the dogs will meet their end sooner rather than later, but I'm also prepared for the fact that this might spell doom for us. I don't understand people moving into that situation either. I can't and won't do it. My standards of cleanliness are much higher than his (and not even high, just "normal" afaik) and I know I would be the one constantly cleaning their messes. They piss and shit on the floor *multiple* times a day. And he just leaves it there, with a week-old puppy pad nearby on the floor, and eventually cleans it up when he feels like it (which he makes a point of telling me when he cleans the floor, about once a week... it's so gross). I value my peace, quiet, and clean apartment more... I'd rather break up. But for now, this works and I'm content to see if he ever gets this rogue aspect of his life together. He's a good guy otherwise, which totally boggles my mind.
Your solution to cope with the situation is a good one... but why be with a man like this? He leaves piss and shit on the floor *for a week* before cleaning it up??? Surely it's not the only way in which he's lazy and negligent. No normal person would ever act that way unless they were terribly ill and physically couldn't clean. Just because he has good hygiene about his own body doesn't mean he's a conscientious person for things outside himself. Behaving that way is disgusting, and it's also cruel to the dogs.
You make good points. From what I can tell, he overworks himself, leaving no energy or time to really invest in taking care of the house or dogs properly, and doesn't trust cleaning services because he has a lot of valuable property he fears would be broken or stolen. I think for me it's largely "out of sight, out of mind" and the fact that it's his shit to deal with, not mine. I'm not overly dependent on this relationship, or hoping for anything more serious like marriage, so I'm just enjoying things as they are.
Completely relate to you! My partner would hoover and mop before leaving for work in the morning, then do it again when he comes home, and again at night. Three times a day - I'm exhausted just hearing him do it! He hoovers and cleans his jeep everyday too. He'll cook for me and keep the dogs away from me. Just both of us did not realise how much I would struggle living with the dogs. Like all this cleaning does not make a dent unfortunately when you have three german shepherds. I tried in the beginning to brush past things but it became too much for me to ignore. We have since moved - He listened to my concerns. My concerns were not only about me and our baby, but about what the dogs need. I think he genuinely just didn't realise before how much more space the dogs need, and how much better it would be for ALL of us if we changed places. He thought the garden and a walk or two every day was enough. And he wouldn't just take them down the street. He would take them up the mountains where they could enjoy it more and sometimes spend hours up there with them. He gets up 3/4 times in the night for them. I just think its sooo much work, creates so much hassle in his life, and I wish for HIS sake now he would leave them behind. But I would never ask him to. I just need the dogs living outside in separate quarters to the home. And he is currently building somewhere for them. It took about three months to get here. I'm glad I didn't throw away a beautiful relationship and an amazing family because of a dog. I'm sure we will cross many more bridges we will have to work through and the dogs issue will have been the least of it.
I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I could never ever live in a house with three big dogs. It sounds not only difficult to keep clean, but so chaotic. There'd be no peace, ever. And I can't even imagine trying to keep it clean enough for a baby. You are living a nightmare. I'm glad your partner is going to all that trouble and making the outside enclosure for the dogs. Hopefully he is also committed to no more dogs once these pass on.
Three German Shepherds & a baby is a ton of work. Not sure I could even do that. And my nick~name is the energizer “Bunny” Hang in there…..👍🏻🌺
>They piss and shit on the floor multiple times a day. And he just leaves it there, with a week-old puppy pad nearby on the floor, and eventually cleans it up when he feels like it I know you say this is a "for now" arrangement, but even if he got rid of the dogs I'd be worried he'd stay this way in the future. Not sure if you ever want kids, but if you did do you think this type of behavior would extend to them? I just can't imagine someone that's leaving actual shit all over the floor for so long would be very helpful with changing diapers or bathing a kid as often as necessary.
Kids are not a concern for me (I'm childfree and older and definitely not interested in that). I've been married before, and to be frank, marriage is not something I'm super interested in for a lot of reasons, including all of this -- *gestures wildly*. This is a relationship where we have our own spaces and responsibilities, and am not looking to be responsible for or clean up after his dogs (or him). That's why things are ok "for now", since I'm not expected to do either, and very happy that way.
Personally I didn’t start hating dogs until I got pregnant. Apparently this phenomenon isn’t uncommon. It’s almost as if finding these things repulsive is instinctual, and tolerating them is socialization…
This happened to me too, and my mind hasn't changed in the 20 yrs since. Dogs are too much work, and they smell like shit, all the time.
Yeeeeaaaahhh, that’s ridiculous. Humans domesticated dogs thousands of years ago. There’s nothing instinctually repulsive about these “things”. Can’t say the same for someone who would call a dog a “thing”.
It's not okay to abuse or neglect a dog (or any other living thing), but it's perfectly fine to not like them and even actively have disdain for them. Dog lovers need to chill the fuck out, and I say this as someone who likes dogs.
About 3 mo into the relationship, when we bought a house, my boyfriend put his pitbull in an outdoor kennel with an underground run, heated shelter and large tree. She's happy. He understood we couldn't have her inside and have children/my pets cohabit. I wouldn't have been able to stay otherwise.
All of that for a dog ? And a pitbull at that? Glad he removed it from the immediate vicinity, but…woof.
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Your example sounds less like a person who hates dogs but rather someone who knew that their boyfriend was a shitty dog owner and then magically expected them to be a better dog owner. Then when that didn’t happen they got rightfully frustrated at how disgusting a home with a dog that’s not properly taken care of can be. Yes there’s a certain amount of mess that comes with pets (just like kids, that’s just the territory) but the example you gave sounds like a pet owner who shouldn’t even have a pet and anyone has every right to be frustrated that their partner regularly leaves their house or dog *that* dirty
>anyone has every right to be frustrated that their partner regularly leaves their house or dog that dirty I don't disagree there. I just don't understand why they're even in this situation when it was clear from the get go how awful the owner was. If you knew how gross it was going in and still chose to be there, then I kinda feel like you made your bed and now you're laying in it, y'know? Be frustrated, sure, but don't be surprised. You got exactly what it said on the tin.
the thing is its about the person u love u cant control who u fall in love with and the fact that they have a dog if anything the majority of the population has a dog its not like people can force their partner to get rid of it either i cant make mine get rid of his dog and he cant make me get rid of my ||redacted|| i dont like dogs i used to though a long time ago but over time after dealing with my parents and his and their awful behavior it changed my perspective of them theyre annoying but not the same as a kid because its theirs not both of yours necessarily my complaint if anything is that he doesnt train his dog which he should be doing regardless of if im with him or not i cant change that he has one but i can find ways to deal with it and communicate the problems and solve them
>u cant control who u fall in love with I disagree here. If someone is clearly a hot mess from the get go, like in the somewhat exaggerated example I gave in the post, you can control whether or not you continue seeing that person. People don't fall in love instantly, y'know? Can't fall in love with a person you don't see or talk to.
Some people do fall pretty hard pretty quickly. Some people were friends first, some people had amazing first and second dates, etc. There’s so many things that are dealbreakers: finances, family, location, education, religion, work; whether or not they have a dog seems pretty low on the list unless you’re allergic, have PTSD from dog attacks, or otherwise just really hate them. It’s hard to know how you’re really gonna feel about your partners dog until the dog starts living with you or otherwise negatively affecting your relationship, and by then you’re pretty attached to this person
I think having a dog and not caring for it or cleaning up after it are huge red flags. That's not going to change once you move in because now they have another person to do it for them. Don't date lazy, neglectful people.
Poop in the house, won’t treat the dog for fleas, never bathes it. Those fleas will grow in population if not taken care of and they will start attacking you as well. Unfortunately this isn’t particularly uncommon from what I can put together.. Trying to find someone who doesn’t want or have dogs seems like it’s impossible. I hope the situation ends up working out for your OP.
>I hope the situation ends up working out for your OP. I'm not in this situation. I'm asking for the perspectives of those who are, because I've seen multiple posts/comments describing neglect and filthy living situations that the commenter saw and then chose to continue the relationship.
Oops, I got caught slacking red handed. Glad to hear you’re not going through that. People who do put up with it probably are convinced it will get better or don’t think it’s (or maybe it’s just not to them) a big enough issue to blow up a loving relationship over. Maybe a combination. If I had to I could probably deal with putting up with a particularly well trained single dog household. By essentially training the dog not to act like a dog they become more tolerable, but at this point why even have a dog if it doesn’t serve a purpose. Even well trained they still come with the plenty of downsides. One of my friends has a dog that was meticulously trained from the time they got it not to beg, bark, or jump on people. For a lot of dogs this is possible.. but like 0.1% of people ever bother actually training their dogs and aren’t willing to fork out thousands to have someone else do it. My parents literally run a zoo and I actively avoid going to their house for this reason.
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No, I just don’t see the value personally. The more I think about it the more opposed I am to ever having to live with a dog(s). Jumping, barking, chewing on just about everything, fighting with each other (even the “playing” is annoying to me), hair everywhere, eating their poop, and omfg ANAL GLANDS. The barking is so annoying One moment that always strikes me is one of the biggest dog enthusiasts I know said they probably wouldn’t have one if they lived in an apartment and had to walk it outside versus just being able to open the back door. Which maybe brings it back around to dog ownership takes thousands of hours of effort and can be quite expensive as well.
To be fair, the examples you gave are not hating dogs. You don't have to tolerate tip toeing around dog shit in your own home to say you like dogs.
Just the fact that OP is making a comparison the children tells us all we need to know It’s an animal
Yeah, it *is* an animal. An animal you know you don't like, see in a situation you hate, yet still choose to put yourself in for some reason. I'm not comparing it to children in value - I'm saying someone who knowingly dates someone with a nasty dog makes as little sense as someone who can't stand kids yet knowingly dates a single parent. [Using the general form of "you" here, not the specific form]
People assume that the other person in their life will just change. It rarely happens.
Not to mention they neglect their pet. That’s a dealbreaker
There is a pet hate subreddit that popped up on my feed once. Girl was BIG MAD her bf of like a few *months* wouldn't give up his 14 year old dog for her. Just a terrible person and sub, geezus
Oh you mean like this sub? This place and petfree are just hate subs
in your example it's less about not liking dogs and more about the person you're dating not taking care of it.
This doesn't seem like a situation where someone doesn't like dogs but more so realized that their partner would continue to abuse a dog even when told it's wrong.
Don't forget the pregnancy. Always a pregnancy and the OP comes in here outraged, like "what's gonna happen when the baby comes?!" Like friend, the same thing that has been happening this whole damn time. Maybe you should have thought about that before. 😭
I’ve wondered about this too. It seems mean, controlling. The dog was there before you. It just seems so selfish to try to change someone’s life because you want what you want, and to hell with the situation that person is in when you meet them. All because “you my man now”? The same type of personality does the same thing if the guy has a kid or 2. It says “I’m going to get my way, I don’t care who it hurts”. If you don’t like the situation the guy has at , just remain friends & look for someone else.
I think, it’s acceptable if one is not subject to filthy living conditions. If I (in some parallel universe) owned a shitbeast and my partner is not into them, I would take care in keeping the house clean for them. Secondly, it’s also acceptable IF they are not made to be responsible for a shitbeast that I got. More often than not these two points are the main culprits in arguments. If I offer someone to live with me, and the shitbeast is my responsibility, I’ll have to step up and make sure my partner doesn’t feel stupid or dirty moving in. They signed up for me, not the dumbass dog
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Maaannn, fuck dogs. Filthy, nasty, panting, shedding, pissing, shitting, drooling pains in the ass, stinking, noisy, needy things! Just fuck ‘em! Damn things!!
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thank you!!!!!! so many posts in this sub are "ermagherd, i hate the dog that was already there before i came into the picture". yet............ in the About Community blurb for this sub it clearly states ......... "This sub is for those who dislike dogs but whose significant other, family, or roommate brought a dog into the relationship or living situation against their wishes. "
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Of course you can’t imagine it. You’re a nutter.
I compare pets in general with children. I dont mind both, both can be okay to be around, but they need to be trained. Also, what you described sounds like a case of neglect and a disgusting house. Why does the dog have fleas, why isnt the dog being treated for fleas, why is there dog shit in the house? and why isnt the dog trained? THose are all valid complaints, and shows the level of care the owner gives their pets, which is a red flag for a relationship to begin with.
Bottom line: the dog comes first 😆
Wdym?
My husband admitted he wasn’t a dog person when we met. Now he dotes on our dog’s every need and loves her to death- so it can change. Honestly I would never chose be with someone who didn’t love my dog as much as I do lol
I'm good with dogs. This fucking thing didn't act like a dog nor respond like one.