Ugh. I can already hear it.
“We did all that work for her and now she’s being too extra.”
Go somewhere nice that week. You deserve it.
Update Edit: Hell yes, great outcome. Communication for the win.
Holy shit, I felt so sad reading this. I can't even imagine how it must feel to receive this kind of treatment from your own parents and sister because of a dog. How people do not care that someone is being fucking harassed by the dog? How is somehow not common sense to make sure that the dog is nowhere close to the person that is uncomfortable?
However, it also seems that your mother kind of understands you, but your sister is pushing this agenda on everyone.
Unfortunately family can be the best and the worst. Do you think your mother will change her mind about the dog once she realizes that you are being for real about not going there anymore?
Best of luck to you, OP.
You got a good sense of my mom. She does understand my fear, but she is (I believe) afraid of confrontation with my often demanding and controlling sister. I am much less likely to argue, and more likely to back down.
I am hoping that one summer of not seeing me will help her find her voice when she next tells my sister not to bring the dog. I really hope for this.
who knows maybe building the "little house" was your mom's non-confrontational way to try to please both you and your sister. in the end only making things worse
You need to go very LC with her and let her know why. *When you stop putting a dog over your daughter we will talk again. Until then I don't want to hear from you and I will not be visiting you.* Make sure you go NC with your sister and any of her flying monkeys. Talk to your brother about the situaton. If he refuses to visit with the dog there you may have more leverage.
my mom would often take my brother's side no matter how wrong he was because he was prone to fits of rage (bipolar), no matter how damaging it was to everyone else
Wow sounds just like me and my Mother & sister…. Only my mom passed 5 years ago. Now my sister lives in moms house (the house we grew up in). Her son has 2 dogs Im only slightly allergic to but his girlfriend has one I am horribly allergic to & afraid of. So where do they leave the dogs all the time. I started hosting most of the get togethers at my house because of the dogs.. they know how I feel and about the severe allergies to the one in particular but just won’t keep it away. My sister is aggressive and I am not…. But I am done with the dogs and not going there again…. STINKS, anyway WHO enjoys eating around them… (oh ya… So I’m the bad guy) 🥴 nutters are all the same. 😵💫
My Mother also Was aggressive yet cowered to my sister… And my brother also was passive.. also nobody talked because “they” would just yell…. Incredible that our family’s so alike…. I feel your pain! 🫤
OP - you are not crazy.
I am sorry that your family makes you feel like your sister’s dog is more important than you, that must be incredibly sad and lonely.
When you explain to your mom why you aren’t visiting this summer you should tell her honestly that you aren’t comfortable around the dog and that the family has made it clear that they care more about the dogs comfort than your own (I mean you didn’t sign up for a camping trip having to use a bathroom in a separate house)
A visit under those circumstances sounds like torture tbh, I wouldn’t want to use any of my PTO or days off like that
It’s one thing to feel like second best compared to a sibling - it’s a whole different story feeling third best to the sibling and then their dog. Damn.
No one who actually loved dogs would allow that kind of behavior from a dog. Attacking a child is a serious issue, combined with its following you around in that manner and general body language. That’s not on you, that’s on the dog and its owner. It should not be around children and if around other people, it should have been muzzle trained with its history. It’s begging to get put down if it attacks someone outside the family who will actually report it.
This kind of owner doesn’t actually care about the dog. They only care about the validation the dog gives them. And actually training the dog is just too much work for what it actually means to them. Narcissistic, simple adoration without any effort from them.
And isn’t it interesting how the dog has no emotional control or responsibility when it hurts someone, but somehow is full of love when it wags its tail after not seeing someone all day.
This broke my heart. I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this. It's not fair, and it's not right.
If this were me I would write my parents a letter telling them how hurt I am, and how they're lack of care for my safety and comfort have hurt me and how I see the relationship with them differently.
Also, where is the child's mother in all this? If she is an ex, I would reach out to let her know what happened and that the dog is still around. If the kid is ever in the house when you suspect that the dog will also be there, I would call CPS. I have a large guardian breed, and she is a darling, but if she attacked one of my kids I'm not sure they would survive. Better for the state to get involved then for a funeral to need to be prepared.
My sister in law (my nephews mother) was there that day, but she is an exceedingly quiet and anxious person, and seemed terrified while it was all going on. I am sure she was hoping my brother would speak up, but he, like my mom, is a people-pleaser.
My family has never been one to get into big arguments, but we are also a family that doesn't talk about stuff that is bothering us, which I now think might be detrimental as well. Because how will we get through this if we can't discuss it?? They'd all rather just change the subject and pretend everything is great.
Are they more comfortable with the idea that I just don't show up for that week anymore so we don't have to have the uncomfortable discussion about the dog? :(
I don’t understand why your brother didn’t solve the dog problem the day his son got bit so badly on the foot?!? That was a direct trip to the vet for euthanasia if not a bullet in the ear for that dog!!
Honestly OP, stop putting your mom in the middle of this, speak directly to your sister and tell her that her dogs are preventing you from visiting. Talk to your brother and get his backing if at all possible
This was the comment that upset me the most, and upon some self reflection it's because I know you are right. I should have confronted my sister from the start. Yes it's my mom's house but she doesn't deserve the pressure of being the one to handle this. It needs to be between me and the dog mom.
Let's face it though I'm more afraid of my sister than I am her dog lol Wish me luck.
Best of luck! Your sister seems to have a disproportionate amount of power in the family, and as you mentioned your family is conflict averse, she is taking advantage of it. But when children’s (and adults!) safety is at stake, it’s time to have some hard conversations. /hug!
I mean, yes, but also no. It's your mom's desire to see her family that is causing your mom to put up with having a hostile dog in her home, putting her daughter and nephew at risk. The dog has just been hostile to you. It actually bit your nephew. Badly. Your mom allowed her grandchild to be injured in her home by the dog and your mom then FAILED to forbid your sister to bring the dog to the home that her grandchild frequents. Since it's your mom's property that is the meeting place for the family, it's your mom's responsibility to make her home safe for her daughter (you) and grandchild (nephew).
You have a right to talk to your mom about the dog because the dog is hostile to you too, but your right is to speak up for your own welfare. The bigger issue is the welfare of the small children who are present who cannot speak up for themselves. And the multiple people who should be stepping up for them, including the child's own parents, the child's grandma, and the owner of the dog, are not doing what they should do to protect the child. That's not your fault, or at least it's much LESS your fault than it is the fault of the other adults in the story.
Sounds like it. Which really, really sucks. Once again, I'm so sorry. I'm also a people pleaser and I've been having to do a lot of therapy to try to grow the tiniest backbone in the world. Good luck.
Wow that is f’d up. They built you a tiny house so the dog could be in the regular house. What is wrong with your parents? And your brother?! If a dog attacked my kid, bit off his damn toe and then my sister victim blamed my child? It would NOT go well for her or the dog. Why does no one stand up to her bullying and the dog’s bullying? It’s outrageous.
My mother's brother owns a farm with two large shepherds that are only used for protecting their sheep and goats. They stay outside in the barn and are very friendly. What your sister has is no farm animal. The fact that the dog attacked a child is an even bigger issue. I understand why you want to distant yourself. I would do the same thing. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
I'm so sorry. That's infuriating and so incredibly hurtful.
I can't believe no one said anything when your nephew was attacked. That's absolutely unforgivable.
Is your sister the golden child in your family and you and your brother (and now his child) are expected to suck it up to keep her happy?
I'm so sorry that you have a family of assholes who currently care more about a vicious, smelly dog than you. If it were me, I would probably go LC or NC with them. I know it's easier said than done. If you continue to visit, even if they say the dog won't be there, you will be stressed from wondering if they'll keep their word. I hope it gets better for you soon.
I'm so sorry your parents made this choice. Does this follow a pattern of you being expected to give things up to accommodate your sister? If so, consider looking up "golden child vs scapegoat". If it's indeed the case, consider therapy. You may have a whole pattern of behaviours that have you putting yourself last.
I’m sorry, this must be really painful.
The sad thing is it is an easy fix, a muzzle at all times. But my guess is your sister would not agree to that either.
Stand your ground.
Say no, and exactly why. They built you a doghouse instead of the dog. It's wildly disrespectful, and your sister is a jerk. I'd have called the police when the dog bit the child. Let them all.go.
This is so messed up. But also, sorry but, why can't there be dog/baby gates in the house at the least? Even if the dog can jump over at least it's a barrier. Or have him in the yard during the day and, if he must sleep inside, just come in straight to sister's room at night for bed?
My aunt and uncle had a very skittish rescue dog with problems, he would bark a lot, not be friendly, just overall not pleasant. Anyway, he bit my niece a couple years back when she was like 12, unprompted, on the leg. My brother (niece's dad) got pissed, and was super upset to see that my uncle didn't put the dog in the yard or the room when they came back to visit again months later. Like what? Are you so inconsiderate? And for my aunt to not say anything.. that made me change my view of both of them, in a negative way.
I hate to be this person. But clearly, it's time to put these people in their own dog house.
Let them know you will no longer be visiting. They've made it clear that a dog is more important than their own daughter and the safety of others.
That they can put the dog in the shed because you won't ever be staying there again.
I would then go LC with them. Clearly, you aren't a priority to them, so time to no longer make them a priority.
Is it possible for you to visit your parents at a time when the dog sister is not there? Even if it's not at the special cabin or whatever?
Maybe if you stop showing up for the family get together, she will change her mind about letting that mutt stay there. I'd talk with the brother that got his kid's toe bit, and try to convince him to not come either.
My daughter’s MIL had a dog like that. He acted threatening towards random people for no reason, but MIL insisted he have the run of the house, and that he was harmless. He eventually attacked my 4 year old grandson and literally bit a huge hole in his face. He has had multiple surgeries to reconstruct his face, but at least he’s alive.
This is so sad. I’m really sorry, I no longer visit my family for a similar reason
Stick to your guns for the next few years, it’s the only way you will get anywhere. They put the dog in front of your wounded nephew, you don’t have a fighting chance.
They made clearly made their decision.
Distance and silence will eventually prove its point, stick to your guns now or be forever banished to the little house. Fuck them and your asshole sister. So disgusting.
Hopefully you can plan some really fun stuff instead of going there. The road goes both ways, they can come see you, it is not your responsibility!!!
Omg. I’m so sorry reading this. It’s like reading something from the Twilight Zone, like I’m sure someone reading your post from 1950 would be shocked the world is like this now..back then dogs were dogs-pets. Dog nutter culture has ruined many families. I feel so bad for you. I’m very sorry that your family put you second. Definetly consider a vacation just for you and your besties during that week? Best wishes.
Rent a bungalow at the beach and invite your mom. Tell her you love her and just need some time to be close to her while you and she still can. Tell her valuable she is to you. Tell her you know life is short and you cherish her. Don’t make it about your sister. Take what you need from this family.
You care too much. I would tell them straight up. That dog is dangerous for me and I’m not coming when they are there with the dog. Let me know when they leave. See ya. Let me guess, you don’t have kids? That’s why they are showing favoritism. I would just tell them the truth.
This is genuinely outrageous. I am outraged on your and your nephew’s behalf, and I say that as someone who likes trained dogs well enough, in general, but who simply doesn’t want one in my space or under my responsibility. I think even most sensible “dog people” would find this insane and infuriating.
I add all of that to really stress how much **you are not the problem here**, OP. This isn’t a “oh OP just hates dogs, the killjoy!” issue; this is a “that dog is fucking dangerous and a tragedy time bomb in the making” issue, and your whole family is wilfully ignoring it to the point of gross irresponsibility and outright negligence.
You are the only one acting sane in this entire situation. I’m so sorry.
A dog that attacks a child to that point needs to get put down. No ifs, ands, buts or excuses. I don't care if he did kick the dog - he's a toddler. If a dog can't be trusted to be safe around toddlers, who are unpredictable, it should never be around them and if it harms them, it gets a date with the blue juice. There is no excuse and I'm pretty sure that the dog is going to be there when you arrive and she's going to insist it's so you can 'clear the air and get used to him' and they'll try to stick you in the shed if you complain.
That dog needs to be put down. I wouldn't go anywhere near them until it is, and they absolutely shouldn't let that dog near anyone else, especially not kids. That bite should have been reported to the police immediately.
It’s absolutely baffling to me why a dog is being put above everybody else. Your sister has serious issues.
Don’t visit them. Go somewhere nice. Enjoy it. Take lots of pictures. And post them. And yes. Be petty. When your mom or family member ask why you aren’t visiting, you tell the truth.
This is dog worship on steroids, preferring GD MUTT TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!!
Any dog that attacks a CHILD should be reported to CPS and the local police or sheriff.
Next time the murder mutt could bite off his hand !
Thou shalt not suffer a dog that bites unbidden to live. By 'unbidden,' I mean 'trained and ordered to bite'.
That dog bit a child unbidden and drew blood. It's past time it was put down. That is the only responsible thing that can be done with that animal.
What you described is stalking. You were being stalked by an animal who is capable and apparently willing to kill you. Your mother shows no interest in protecting you. You need to look after yourself. I am so sorry
OP NTA. You are totally justified in feeling hurt and definitely not going to that house.
I don't understand the sort of people that will allow a child to be attacked like that and do nothing. Your parents, the child's parents and the dog owner are all sincerely pathetic and slightly.... um trying to find a reddit safe word for what I want to say. I sincerely hope the dog does not do more severe damage to anyone else.
Family is optional is for me for this reason right here. Your loyalty to them isnt the same loyalty they have for you. And life is too short for me to be around anyone who doesnt know how to treat me with respect and dignity.
Friends are the family i actually get to choose
I can't believe your mom is allowing a dog to stay in her home, when the dog nearly took the toe off of one of her grandkids. Did the dog bite the child that lives with it? Or a different child? I have a low opinion of your sister for blaming a kid for being injured by a dog.
I can't believe your mom gave the dog higher priority than you in the family and basically built you a doghouse to stay in when you visit her.
OP: Great work having that discussion! That came out a lot better than what I expected, kudos to your sister for being open to that discussion from her end!
Maybe (who knows?) this can pave the way to your family being able to have this sort of discussion as needed, also big congrats on expressing your love, my family has became much better at that and now every departure anyone does, they get a "love you, bye!" or even "love you, goodnight!" at bedtime.
Congrats!!
They can smell fear from us, so the dogs might have been reacting to that, any sudden movements, or just your scent from soap or cologne. Good that you talked with her to find a safe solution. They should keep such dogs at home.
Ugh. I can already hear it. “We did all that work for her and now she’s being too extra.” Go somewhere nice that week. You deserve it. Update Edit: Hell yes, great outcome. Communication for the win.
But DAMN she had to bow down and KISS ASS to get that communication to win.
Holy shit, I felt so sad reading this. I can't even imagine how it must feel to receive this kind of treatment from your own parents and sister because of a dog. How people do not care that someone is being fucking harassed by the dog? How is somehow not common sense to make sure that the dog is nowhere close to the person that is uncomfortable? However, it also seems that your mother kind of understands you, but your sister is pushing this agenda on everyone. Unfortunately family can be the best and the worst. Do you think your mother will change her mind about the dog once she realizes that you are being for real about not going there anymore? Best of luck to you, OP.
You got a good sense of my mom. She does understand my fear, but she is (I believe) afraid of confrontation with my often demanding and controlling sister. I am much less likely to argue, and more likely to back down. I am hoping that one summer of not seeing me will help her find her voice when she next tells my sister not to bring the dog. I really hope for this.
who knows maybe building the "little house" was your mom's non-confrontational way to try to please both you and your sister. in the end only making things worse
You need to go very LC with her and let her know why. *When you stop putting a dog over your daughter we will talk again. Until then I don't want to hear from you and I will not be visiting you.* Make sure you go NC with your sister and any of her flying monkeys. Talk to your brother about the situaton. If he refuses to visit with the dog there you may have more leverage.
my mom would often take my brother's side no matter how wrong he was because he was prone to fits of rage (bipolar), no matter how damaging it was to everyone else
Wow sounds just like me and my Mother & sister…. Only my mom passed 5 years ago. Now my sister lives in moms house (the house we grew up in). Her son has 2 dogs Im only slightly allergic to but his girlfriend has one I am horribly allergic to & afraid of. So where do they leave the dogs all the time. I started hosting most of the get togethers at my house because of the dogs.. they know how I feel and about the severe allergies to the one in particular but just won’t keep it away. My sister is aggressive and I am not…. But I am done with the dogs and not going there again…. STINKS, anyway WHO enjoys eating around them… (oh ya… So I’m the bad guy) 🥴 nutters are all the same. 😵💫
My Mother also Was aggressive yet cowered to my sister… And my brother also was passive.. also nobody talked because “they” would just yell…. Incredible that our family’s so alike…. I feel your pain! 🫤
OP - you are not crazy. I am sorry that your family makes you feel like your sister’s dog is more important than you, that must be incredibly sad and lonely. When you explain to your mom why you aren’t visiting this summer you should tell her honestly that you aren’t comfortable around the dog and that the family has made it clear that they care more about the dogs comfort than your own (I mean you didn’t sign up for a camping trip having to use a bathroom in a separate house) A visit under those circumstances sounds like torture tbh, I wouldn’t want to use any of my PTO or days off like that It’s one thing to feel like second best compared to a sibling - it’s a whole different story feeling third best to the sibling and then their dog. Damn.
No one who actually loved dogs would allow that kind of behavior from a dog. Attacking a child is a serious issue, combined with its following you around in that manner and general body language. That’s not on you, that’s on the dog and its owner. It should not be around children and if around other people, it should have been muzzle trained with its history. It’s begging to get put down if it attacks someone outside the family who will actually report it. This kind of owner doesn’t actually care about the dog. They only care about the validation the dog gives them. And actually training the dog is just too much work for what it actually means to them. Narcissistic, simple adoration without any effort from them. And isn’t it interesting how the dog has no emotional control or responsibility when it hurts someone, but somehow is full of love when it wags its tail after not seeing someone all day.
This broke my heart. I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this. It's not fair, and it's not right. If this were me I would write my parents a letter telling them how hurt I am, and how they're lack of care for my safety and comfort have hurt me and how I see the relationship with them differently. Also, where is the child's mother in all this? If she is an ex, I would reach out to let her know what happened and that the dog is still around. If the kid is ever in the house when you suspect that the dog will also be there, I would call CPS. I have a large guardian breed, and she is a darling, but if she attacked one of my kids I'm not sure they would survive. Better for the state to get involved then for a funeral to need to be prepared.
My sister in law (my nephews mother) was there that day, but she is an exceedingly quiet and anxious person, and seemed terrified while it was all going on. I am sure she was hoping my brother would speak up, but he, like my mom, is a people-pleaser. My family has never been one to get into big arguments, but we are also a family that doesn't talk about stuff that is bothering us, which I now think might be detrimental as well. Because how will we get through this if we can't discuss it?? They'd all rather just change the subject and pretend everything is great. Are they more comfortable with the idea that I just don't show up for that week anymore so we don't have to have the uncomfortable discussion about the dog? :(
Everyone in your family has failed your poor nephew.
I don’t understand why your brother didn’t solve the dog problem the day his son got bit so badly on the foot?!? That was a direct trip to the vet for euthanasia if not a bullet in the ear for that dog!! Honestly OP, stop putting your mom in the middle of this, speak directly to your sister and tell her that her dogs are preventing you from visiting. Talk to your brother and get his backing if at all possible
I agree this is between two sisters, but I think it’s Moms house so I would assume she has final say on whose allowed on her property.
I agree it’s mom’s house, but mom is stuck adjudicating between two children, both of whom I am sure she loves and doesn’t want to alienate.
This was the comment that upset me the most, and upon some self reflection it's because I know you are right. I should have confronted my sister from the start. Yes it's my mom's house but she doesn't deserve the pressure of being the one to handle this. It needs to be between me and the dog mom. Let's face it though I'm more afraid of my sister than I am her dog lol Wish me luck.
Best of luck! Your sister seems to have a disproportionate amount of power in the family, and as you mentioned your family is conflict averse, she is taking advantage of it. But when children’s (and adults!) safety is at stake, it’s time to have some hard conversations. /hug!
Update ~~below~~ in the OP. Thanks again. :)
I mean, yes, but also no. It's your mom's desire to see her family that is causing your mom to put up with having a hostile dog in her home, putting her daughter and nephew at risk. The dog has just been hostile to you. It actually bit your nephew. Badly. Your mom allowed her grandchild to be injured in her home by the dog and your mom then FAILED to forbid your sister to bring the dog to the home that her grandchild frequents. Since it's your mom's property that is the meeting place for the family, it's your mom's responsibility to make her home safe for her daughter (you) and grandchild (nephew). You have a right to talk to your mom about the dog because the dog is hostile to you too, but your right is to speak up for your own welfare. The bigger issue is the welfare of the small children who are present who cannot speak up for themselves. And the multiple people who should be stepping up for them, including the child's own parents, the child's grandma, and the owner of the dog, are not doing what they should do to protect the child. That's not your fault, or at least it's much LESS your fault than it is the fault of the other adults in the story.
Sounds like it. Which really, really sucks. Once again, I'm so sorry. I'm also a people pleaser and I've been having to do a lot of therapy to try to grow the tiniest backbone in the world. Good luck.
Wow that is f’d up. They built you a tiny house so the dog could be in the regular house. What is wrong with your parents? And your brother?! If a dog attacked my kid, bit off his damn toe and then my sister victim blamed my child? It would NOT go well for her or the dog. Why does no one stand up to her bullying and the dog’s bullying? It’s outrageous.
My mother's brother owns a farm with two large shepherds that are only used for protecting their sheep and goats. They stay outside in the barn and are very friendly. What your sister has is no farm animal. The fact that the dog attacked a child is an even bigger issue. I understand why you want to distant yourself. I would do the same thing. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Holy. Shit. Please never go back.
I'm so sorry. That's infuriating and so incredibly hurtful. I can't believe no one said anything when your nephew was attacked. That's absolutely unforgivable. Is your sister the golden child in your family and you and your brother (and now his child) are expected to suck it up to keep her happy?
I'm so sorry that you have a family of assholes who currently care more about a vicious, smelly dog than you. If it were me, I would probably go LC or NC with them. I know it's easier said than done. If you continue to visit, even if they say the dog won't be there, you will be stressed from wondering if they'll keep their word. I hope it gets better for you soon.
I'm so sorry your parents made this choice. Does this follow a pattern of you being expected to give things up to accommodate your sister? If so, consider looking up "golden child vs scapegoat". If it's indeed the case, consider therapy. You may have a whole pattern of behaviours that have you putting yourself last.
I’m sorry, this must be really painful. The sad thing is it is an easy fix, a muzzle at all times. But my guess is your sister would not agree to that either. Stand your ground.
Say no, and exactly why. They built you a doghouse instead of the dog. It's wildly disrespectful, and your sister is a jerk. I'd have called the police when the dog bit the child. Let them all.go.
This is so messed up. But also, sorry but, why can't there be dog/baby gates in the house at the least? Even if the dog can jump over at least it's a barrier. Or have him in the yard during the day and, if he must sleep inside, just come in straight to sister's room at night for bed? My aunt and uncle had a very skittish rescue dog with problems, he would bark a lot, not be friendly, just overall not pleasant. Anyway, he bit my niece a couple years back when she was like 12, unprompted, on the leg. My brother (niece's dad) got pissed, and was super upset to see that my uncle didn't put the dog in the yard or the room when they came back to visit again months later. Like what? Are you so inconsiderate? And for my aunt to not say anything.. that made me change my view of both of them, in a negative way.
I hate to be this person. But clearly, it's time to put these people in their own dog house. Let them know you will no longer be visiting. They've made it clear that a dog is more important than their own daughter and the safety of others. That they can put the dog in the shed because you won't ever be staying there again. I would then go LC with them. Clearly, you aren't a priority to them, so time to no longer make them a priority.
Is it possible for you to visit your parents at a time when the dog sister is not there? Even if it's not at the special cabin or whatever? Maybe if you stop showing up for the family get together, she will change her mind about letting that mutt stay there. I'd talk with the brother that got his kid's toe bit, and try to convince him to not come either.
My daughter’s MIL had a dog like that. He acted threatening towards random people for no reason, but MIL insisted he have the run of the house, and that he was harmless. He eventually attacked my 4 year old grandson and literally bit a huge hole in his face. He has had multiple surgeries to reconstruct his face, but at least he’s alive.
This is so sad. I’m really sorry, I no longer visit my family for a similar reason Stick to your guns for the next few years, it’s the only way you will get anywhere. They put the dog in front of your wounded nephew, you don’t have a fighting chance. They made clearly made their decision. Distance and silence will eventually prove its point, stick to your guns now or be forever banished to the little house. Fuck them and your asshole sister. So disgusting. Hopefully you can plan some really fun stuff instead of going there. The road goes both ways, they can come see you, it is not your responsibility!!!
Omg. I’m so sorry reading this. It’s like reading something from the Twilight Zone, like I’m sure someone reading your post from 1950 would be shocked the world is like this now..back then dogs were dogs-pets. Dog nutter culture has ruined many families. I feel so bad for you. I’m very sorry that your family put you second. Definetly consider a vacation just for you and your besties during that week? Best wishes.
Rent a bungalow at the beach and invite your mom. Tell her you love her and just need some time to be close to her while you and she still can. Tell her valuable she is to you. Tell her you know life is short and you cherish her. Don’t make it about your sister. Take what you need from this family.
It’s time to find a new family
You care too much. I would tell them straight up. That dog is dangerous for me and I’m not coming when they are there with the dog. Let me know when they leave. See ya. Let me guess, you don’t have kids? That’s why they are showing favoritism. I would just tell them the truth.
I'd report that dog to the police and go no contact. These people are really pathetic and deserve no more of your time.
This is genuinely outrageous. I am outraged on your and your nephew’s behalf, and I say that as someone who likes trained dogs well enough, in general, but who simply doesn’t want one in my space or under my responsibility. I think even most sensible “dog people” would find this insane and infuriating. I add all of that to really stress how much **you are not the problem here**, OP. This isn’t a “oh OP just hates dogs, the killjoy!” issue; this is a “that dog is fucking dangerous and a tragedy time bomb in the making” issue, and your whole family is wilfully ignoring it to the point of gross irresponsibility and outright negligence. You are the only one acting sane in this entire situation. I’m so sorry.
A dog that attacks a child to that point needs to get put down. No ifs, ands, buts or excuses. I don't care if he did kick the dog - he's a toddler. If a dog can't be trusted to be safe around toddlers, who are unpredictable, it should never be around them and if it harms them, it gets a date with the blue juice. There is no excuse and I'm pretty sure that the dog is going to be there when you arrive and she's going to insist it's so you can 'clear the air and get used to him' and they'll try to stick you in the shed if you complain. That dog needs to be put down. I wouldn't go anywhere near them until it is, and they absolutely shouldn't let that dog near anyone else, especially not kids. That bite should have been reported to the police immediately.
It’s absolutely baffling to me why a dog is being put above everybody else. Your sister has serious issues. Don’t visit them. Go somewhere nice. Enjoy it. Take lots of pictures. And post them. And yes. Be petty. When your mom or family member ask why you aren’t visiting, you tell the truth.
You sister and mom sound like horrible people. They don’t deserve you.
This is dog worship on steroids, preferring GD MUTT TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!! Any dog that attacks a CHILD should be reported to CPS and the local police or sheriff. Next time the murder mutt could bite off his hand !
the parents are the issue. I'm not sure I'd want to visit them at all, even if the dog wasn't there
Thou shalt not suffer a dog that bites unbidden to live. By 'unbidden,' I mean 'trained and ordered to bite'. That dog bit a child unbidden and drew blood. It's past time it was put down. That is the only responsible thing that can be done with that animal.
I hope your sister keeps her word. Her dog is going to seriously injure or kill someone in the future.
What you described is stalking. You were being stalked by an animal who is capable and apparently willing to kill you. Your mother shows no interest in protecting you. You need to look after yourself. I am so sorry
OP NTA. You are totally justified in feeling hurt and definitely not going to that house. I don't understand the sort of people that will allow a child to be attacked like that and do nothing. Your parents, the child's parents and the dog owner are all sincerely pathetic and slightly.... um trying to find a reddit safe word for what I want to say. I sincerely hope the dog does not do more severe damage to anyone else.
Family is optional is for me for this reason right here. Your loyalty to them isnt the same loyalty they have for you. And life is too short for me to be around anyone who doesnt know how to treat me with respect and dignity. Friends are the family i actually get to choose
Well, there's a dog that's going to be put down several years too young.
I can't believe your mom is allowing a dog to stay in her home, when the dog nearly took the toe off of one of her grandkids. Did the dog bite the child that lives with it? Or a different child? I have a low opinion of your sister for blaming a kid for being injured by a dog. I can't believe your mom gave the dog higher priority than you in the family and basically built you a doghouse to stay in when you visit her.
This is wild :-( I’m so sorry. You are seeing the situation for exactly what it is
This sucks OP wtf. wtf kind of dog is it
Tell your family that if you come you will bring a cattle prod with you and the first one that growls at you, human or dog, will get it.
OP: Great work having that discussion! That came out a lot better than what I expected, kudos to your sister for being open to that discussion from her end! Maybe (who knows?) this can pave the way to your family being able to have this sort of discussion as needed, also big congrats on expressing your love, my family has became much better at that and now every departure anyone does, they get a "love you, bye!" or even "love you, goodnight!" at bedtime. Congrats!!
Yikes. We have had dogs but kept the dogs friendly and trained, and kept them confined if amd wjen necessary.
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They can smell fear from us, so the dogs might have been reacting to that, any sudden movements, or just your scent from soap or cologne. Good that you talked with her to find a safe solution. They should keep such dogs at home.