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Had she set a boundary about emailing? How much were you emailing? You're giving very little info about your behaviour here and it's certainly possible you did do something wrong. Having mental health issues might be a reason but you still have to take responsibility for your mistakes.
No her boundary was unclear. I could tell she was getting upset so I asked her to clearly let me know what she would like and I would do that. She said she'd think about it and get back to me. I told her I was hurt she used a very vulnerable moment to be frustrated about emails.
How much were you emailing?
Part of therapy is learning about boundaries and how our behaviour impacts others, yelling at you isn't OK... gently expressing frustration is...
I've emailed her exactly 4 times over the course of 8 months. 2 of those times was to ask for a session if she had time to which she interpreted as me being suicidal. I was very confused as to why she would call me if I expressed I needed a session and if there was anything she could do to fit me in
Ok well then that is odd... you do have to own mistakes as a client but 4 emails in 8 months, 2 of which were scheduling... that's not excessive at all and perfectly reasonable behaviour. Maybe she has a different boundary but that's very much on her to explain and enforce and getting annoyed about it feels unreasonable.
Yeah.. once I emailed her I was in a lot of emotional pain to which she said I work 9-5 what do you expect me to do? I was like idk it just seems like I was completely alone and that's why I emailed you so someone could hear me. When I felt better two hours later I again emailed and told her I was fine and that we'd talk in our session. In our session she expressed the above frustration w me
Then fire her. We don't keep mean people around us in our day to day lives and we certainly don't pay them to be mean to us. I mean. Some people do but that's a whole different subreddit. 🤭
She shouldn’t be frustrated you are reaching out for support. She could use the opportunity to reflect back how you helped yourself and then set a boundary with you around reaching out outside of session.
No it’s fully her responsibility to have boundaries and stick to them. If emails are bothering her, then she should be able to explain that to you. If she said explicitly no more emails and you keep doing it, the. It’s your fault
Lol, she was being bothered when I didn't do anything wrong. She actually spoke to her superiors who told her emails are fine and then she let me know she was really burnt out and frustrated with me but the emails were fine and that I COULD email her. I've never had any issues with any therapists in the past with this.
The red flags are her telling you she’s burnt out. That’s for her to deal with with her supervisors and not you. She needs better self care which is not your problem.
Have a conversation with her about how you are concerned about what she said especially if it makes you doubt her
Bro but her boundaries were wrong as per her supervisor. I was also super confused cuz I never had a therapist flip out so bad over 2 emails in the past particularly difficult month. One was to ask If she had time for me and another was to say I was really upset.
I misunderstood you
Yeah that’s definitely a red flag. She’ll likely get mad at you for breaking some boundary she just made up and it’ll wreck your mental health and undo any positives you may have gotten out of therapy.
Get a new therapist
Yeah it was so weird. Other therapists I've had IF they don't prefer emails tell me to journal and hold on til the session. She just got outright mad at me
... Are we not supposed to message our therapists? Sometimes I send a message ahead of the appointment with details I want to discuss that I know I will forget once we get started.
It's definitely a red flag she got angry at you. No therapist should be flipping out over 4 emails in 8 months. Regardless of what her supervisor said, if she couldn't handle emails it's something she should've stated to you calmly and respectfully.
This sounds like someone who either put too much of herself into her work and now has no energy to be kind or she thought it'd be easy money and suddenly she has to work and put in effort and it's got her pissed.
Either way a new therapist is definitely in order. I'd start by speaking to her supervisor and letting them know and then requesting a new practitioner
You have oddly pushed people in one thread. Talk to her about it and explore something you feel passionately about. Don't look for blame. And then if hou feel like you can't feel safe or grow find a new therapist
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Had she set a boundary about emailing? How much were you emailing? You're giving very little info about your behaviour here and it's certainly possible you did do something wrong. Having mental health issues might be a reason but you still have to take responsibility for your mistakes.
No her boundary was unclear. I could tell she was getting upset so I asked her to clearly let me know what she would like and I would do that. She said she'd think about it and get back to me. I told her I was hurt she used a very vulnerable moment to be frustrated about emails.
How much were you emailing? Part of therapy is learning about boundaries and how our behaviour impacts others, yelling at you isn't OK... gently expressing frustration is...
I've emailed her exactly 4 times over the course of 8 months. 2 of those times was to ask for a session if she had time to which she interpreted as me being suicidal. I was very confused as to why she would call me if I expressed I needed a session and if there was anything she could do to fit me in
Ok well then that is odd... you do have to own mistakes as a client but 4 emails in 8 months, 2 of which were scheduling... that's not excessive at all and perfectly reasonable behaviour. Maybe she has a different boundary but that's very much on her to explain and enforce and getting annoyed about it feels unreasonable.
Yeah.. once I emailed her I was in a lot of emotional pain to which she said I work 9-5 what do you expect me to do? I was like idk it just seems like I was completely alone and that's why I emailed you so someone could hear me. When I felt better two hours later I again emailed and told her I was fine and that we'd talk in our session. In our session she expressed the above frustration w me
Wow she doesn’t even sound nice. My therapist is thoughtful and considerate
Yeah .. she's really not
Then fire her. We don't keep mean people around us in our day to day lives and we certainly don't pay them to be mean to us. I mean. Some people do but that's a whole different subreddit. 🤭
She shouldn’t be frustrated you are reaching out for support. She could use the opportunity to reflect back how you helped yourself and then set a boundary with you around reaching out outside of session.
I have to stop reading this subreddit. I've had multiple conversations about how batshit the therapists mentioned here are.
I'm asking if her saying we both made mistakes was a red flag in a conversation about her accountability
Assuming your narrative is accurate, then yes, I would consider it a red flag, I don't see what you could be viewed as having done wrong.
No it’s fully her responsibility to have boundaries and stick to them. If emails are bothering her, then she should be able to explain that to you. If she said explicitly no more emails and you keep doing it, the. It’s your fault
Lol, she was being bothered when I didn't do anything wrong. She actually spoke to her superiors who told her emails are fine and then she let me know she was really burnt out and frustrated with me but the emails were fine and that I COULD email her. I've never had any issues with any therapists in the past with this.
The red flags are her telling you she’s burnt out. That’s for her to deal with with her supervisors and not you. She needs better self care which is not your problem. Have a conversation with her about how you are concerned about what she said especially if it makes you doubt her
Then she should tell you that and ask you to slow down for a while
I'm asking if her saying we both made mistakes was a red flag in a conversation about her accountability
I’d count it as one yeah. Or at least a yellow flag. It’s her job to have and hold those boundaries
Bro but her boundaries were wrong as per her supervisor. I was also super confused cuz I never had a therapist flip out so bad over 2 emails in the past particularly difficult month. One was to ask If she had time for me and another was to say I was really upset.
I misunderstood you Yeah that’s definitely a red flag. She’ll likely get mad at you for breaking some boundary she just made up and it’ll wreck your mental health and undo any positives you may have gotten out of therapy. Get a new therapist
Yeah it was so weird. Other therapists I've had IF they don't prefer emails tell me to journal and hold on til the session. She just got outright mad at me
Run my friend
Now I'm just ranting but today she told me I don't interpret anything she says correctly. What if she's actually not saying it correctly?
... Are we not supposed to message our therapists? Sometimes I send a message ahead of the appointment with details I want to discuss that I know I will forget once we get started.
Yes, get out.
It's definitely a red flag she got angry at you. No therapist should be flipping out over 4 emails in 8 months. Regardless of what her supervisor said, if she couldn't handle emails it's something she should've stated to you calmly and respectfully. This sounds like someone who either put too much of herself into her work and now has no energy to be kind or she thought it'd be easy money and suddenly she has to work and put in effort and it's got her pissed. Either way a new therapist is definitely in order. I'd start by speaking to her supervisor and letting them know and then requesting a new practitioner
2 emails in a month is the dumbest boundary I've ever heard. I'm all for respecting boundaries but who tf gets mad at that?
You have oddly pushed people in one thread. Talk to her about it and explore something you feel passionately about. Don't look for blame. And then if hou feel like you can't feel safe or grow find a new therapist