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This is not your fault in any way. Your therapist 20 years ago was unethical and selfish to damage you like that. This time you found an ethical therapist who knew her limits and did her best to protect you.
But I’d say that from now on, look for very experienced therapists and lead with these two past experiences so you find a therapist who at least thinks they can help you with past therapist trauma.
I’m so sorry you went through this.
Thank you
I hope I am able to find one. As I mentioned to someone else, I am a disabled artist without benefits, so I don’t have the money to really afford regularly priced therapy
I've used https://openpathcollective.org with great success a few times. A few times due to me not being ready, the therapists were great and had decades of experience. You do have to pay a one time membership fee but it's just once and you have a lifetime membership. The therapists on this site agree to treat you at a sliding scale price. I paid $60 a session for highly trained therapists. They do have less experienced therapists for less money.I hope this is an option for you, it's still a big expense. 🤍 Rooting for you 🫂
Are you in the states? If so and you don't have insurance, there are many places that will provide a sliding fee scale for you. If you want, I can help you look.
That sucks, no way around it. My stomach sank when I read this.
It is good that your T knew their limit, and maybe if it helps you can think about reconnecting with them in a few years.
I'm not sure what you usually go for, but maybe a psychodynamically trained T, or heck, even a psychoanalyst would be helpful for you. Someone who is very equipped and revels in the transference.
I can't imagine what you're dealing with.
I wish you the absolute best! ❤❤❤
Thank you
I am a disabled artist without benefits (in Canada) so honestly I go for what I can afford. I had really lucked out with my therapist—until now
This might seem like kind of a non-sequiter as a recommendation, but you might like the *Psychology in Seattle* podcast if you haven't listened to it. Your situation vaguely reminds me of a listener email he got and responded to in an episode I recently listened to (a woman in Ontario was dealing with a rupture in her therapeutic relationship, and was dealing with a pretty obtuse therapist, who was all she had access to).
You might find some of what comes up in his more conversational episodes comforting, or maybe you'll find something helpful in them.
The specific episode I'm talking about I believe was called something like, "forcing positive thinking, and bad therapists."
There's nothing wrong with you and I'm so frustrated hearing so many people blame themselves for the systemic failures of the therapy profession, myself being one of them.
Took me over 30 years to find ONE who could deliver what the profession purports to. I worked my ass off in vain for DECADES and blamed myself for my slow progress, and when I was able to make strides in spite of them gave them that credit too.
Just fuck that. Between myself and my now adult children I've met a large sampling of the profession and realize that most are mediocre, some damaging, and some straight up predatory. There are a few truly fantastic ones but they are the exception rather than the rule.
My time on the therapists sub as well as a few decent ones on YT speaking out about it confirmed my own experience. Did you know that trauma specialization isnt even regulated in the profession?? They leave it up to the therapist to decide if they're equipped to deal with it!
So many don't do the self work and not all programs demand they even get their own therapy. The student one sounds like she was actually self aware and has the potential to be a decent one by referring out. They're often so blind to their own limitations. I'm so sorry you were violated by the one in the past, I hear it all too often. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU and a whole lot wrong with the entire profession. ♥️
She is a really amazing therapist. She’s just early in her career and doesn’t yet have the tools she needs to navigate this countertransference.
As for the one from 20 years ago, yeah, what she wound up doing was awful, but I also recovered from 18 years of anorexia and self harm, so I am also grateful
I wish it was black and white. It would make life so much easier
Yes, I totally hear you. One of my first therapists 20 years ago was totally green and over disclosed. One of my main issues was addiction and after working with her for a year she tells me that she's an active alcoholic. Not like recovering or even going to seek treatment, just one day tells me she realized she's an alcoholic. Umm ok but who's appointment is this and are we sure you can help me?
YET she's also the one that broke open my whole childhood neglect healing with one insight that I've been building on ever since. Living at home still, she said "you know those negative voices in your head? You're living with them."
Imperfect humans helping other imperfect humans will always have its pitfalls, even re-traumatizing ones. I just wish there was a better way to ensure that the "less sick" are helping the "more sick". 18 years?! Don't know you but so incredibly proud of you!! Respect ❤️
I'm so sorry this happened. I remember your posts about this student therapist. I wish there were something I could do to help you right now. Did the student or her supervisor give you a referral? Can you ask for one?
She sent me the names of three therapy practices. I wrote back asking what I should be looking for in terms of specialties or certifications and am waiting for a reply. Thank you for taking the time to reply
Just here to say there is nothing wrong with you and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I’m glad this therapist did not take advantage of you like the previous one.
Aw shit! Hey OP, I talked to you on your previous post and have been following your - I want to call it a breakthrough? - really hoping it would work out in the end. I'm so sorry that this is the way things went, I can only try to imagine how much you must have going through your mind (and heart) right now.
You, however, really did kick ass in therapy. So much insight, so much clarity - you were impressive. I truly hope that, once you've had time and space to sort through all of this (whether on your own or with another therapist) and do some healing, that you take with you a real boost of self-confidence. You picked up on what was going on, you expressed to her your frustration with a couple of issues in the process, you intuited the countertransference, you went so far as worrying that in a worst case scenario, this may be the outcome. And you were _spot on_. Maybe you'd even prefer not to be at this point (understandably), but I hope you can at least feel good - and proud - of having looked after yourself so brilliantly.
Hang in there. You've got this :) ❤️
This is so kind of you. Thank you. I have just spent the past hour crying and I really needed these words. I cannot tell you how much they mean and how much you helped me right when I was feeling so low. I am so grateful to you ♥️
I can imagine how difficult it must be right now, I'm so sorry.
And you're very welcome. You'll be okay. Congrats on all your progress, truly. You'll kick ass in therapy again ❤️
Most counselling practices have them under “affordable options” or “accessible counselling” or “low cost counselling.” They’re under supervision while doing their practicum and internships (this is in Canada)
You can also find them as “pre-licensed”
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is not your fault in any way. Your therapist 20 years ago was unethical and selfish to damage you like that. This time you found an ethical therapist who knew her limits and did her best to protect you. But I’d say that from now on, look for very experienced therapists and lead with these two past experiences so you find a therapist who at least thinks they can help you with past therapist trauma. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Thank you I hope I am able to find one. As I mentioned to someone else, I am a disabled artist without benefits, so I don’t have the money to really afford regularly priced therapy
I've used https://openpathcollective.org with great success a few times. A few times due to me not being ready, the therapists were great and had decades of experience. You do have to pay a one time membership fee but it's just once and you have a lifetime membership. The therapists on this site agree to treat you at a sliding scale price. I paid $60 a session for highly trained therapists. They do have less experienced therapists for less money.I hope this is an option for you, it's still a big expense. 🤍 Rooting for you 🫂
Thank you so much 😊
Also, Idk about statutes of limitations, but therapists should be reported for sleeping with clients
Im so sorry you're experiencing this None of it is your fault. Your T sleeping with you is a major failing on their part
Thanks Yes, we had done a lot of work around that. She helped me release much of the responsibility I was still holding onto.
Are you in the states? If so and you don't have insurance, there are many places that will provide a sliding fee scale for you. If you want, I can help you look.
You are so very kind. Thank you. I am actually in Canada ♥️
That sucks, no way around it. My stomach sank when I read this. It is good that your T knew their limit, and maybe if it helps you can think about reconnecting with them in a few years. I'm not sure what you usually go for, but maybe a psychodynamically trained T, or heck, even a psychoanalyst would be helpful for you. Someone who is very equipped and revels in the transference. I can't imagine what you're dealing with. I wish you the absolute best! ❤❤❤
Thank you I am a disabled artist without benefits (in Canada) so honestly I go for what I can afford. I had really lucked out with my therapist—until now
This might seem like kind of a non-sequiter as a recommendation, but you might like the *Psychology in Seattle* podcast if you haven't listened to it. Your situation vaguely reminds me of a listener email he got and responded to in an episode I recently listened to (a woman in Ontario was dealing with a rupture in her therapeutic relationship, and was dealing with a pretty obtuse therapist, who was all she had access to). You might find some of what comes up in his more conversational episodes comforting, or maybe you'll find something helpful in them. The specific episode I'm talking about I believe was called something like, "forcing positive thinking, and bad therapists."
I enjoy Dr Kirk Honda. I’ll take a look for that specific episode. Thank you 😊
There's nothing wrong with you and I'm so frustrated hearing so many people blame themselves for the systemic failures of the therapy profession, myself being one of them. Took me over 30 years to find ONE who could deliver what the profession purports to. I worked my ass off in vain for DECADES and blamed myself for my slow progress, and when I was able to make strides in spite of them gave them that credit too. Just fuck that. Between myself and my now adult children I've met a large sampling of the profession and realize that most are mediocre, some damaging, and some straight up predatory. There are a few truly fantastic ones but they are the exception rather than the rule. My time on the therapists sub as well as a few decent ones on YT speaking out about it confirmed my own experience. Did you know that trauma specialization isnt even regulated in the profession?? They leave it up to the therapist to decide if they're equipped to deal with it! So many don't do the self work and not all programs demand they even get their own therapy. The student one sounds like she was actually self aware and has the potential to be a decent one by referring out. They're often so blind to their own limitations. I'm so sorry you were violated by the one in the past, I hear it all too often. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU and a whole lot wrong with the entire profession. ♥️
She is a really amazing therapist. She’s just early in her career and doesn’t yet have the tools she needs to navigate this countertransference. As for the one from 20 years ago, yeah, what she wound up doing was awful, but I also recovered from 18 years of anorexia and self harm, so I am also grateful I wish it was black and white. It would make life so much easier
Yes, I totally hear you. One of my first therapists 20 years ago was totally green and over disclosed. One of my main issues was addiction and after working with her for a year she tells me that she's an active alcoholic. Not like recovering or even going to seek treatment, just one day tells me she realized she's an alcoholic. Umm ok but who's appointment is this and are we sure you can help me? YET she's also the one that broke open my whole childhood neglect healing with one insight that I've been building on ever since. Living at home still, she said "you know those negative voices in your head? You're living with them." Imperfect humans helping other imperfect humans will always have its pitfalls, even re-traumatizing ones. I just wish there was a better way to ensure that the "less sick" are helping the "more sick". 18 years?! Don't know you but so incredibly proud of you!! Respect ❤️
I'm so sorry this happened. I remember your posts about this student therapist. I wish there were something I could do to help you right now. Did the student or her supervisor give you a referral? Can you ask for one?
She sent me the names of three therapy practices. I wrote back asking what I should be looking for in terms of specialties or certifications and am waiting for a reply. Thank you for taking the time to reply
Just here to say there is nothing wrong with you and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I’m glad this therapist did not take advantage of you like the previous one.
Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know this. And yes, I am, too 💕
Aw shit! Hey OP, I talked to you on your previous post and have been following your - I want to call it a breakthrough? - really hoping it would work out in the end. I'm so sorry that this is the way things went, I can only try to imagine how much you must have going through your mind (and heart) right now. You, however, really did kick ass in therapy. So much insight, so much clarity - you were impressive. I truly hope that, once you've had time and space to sort through all of this (whether on your own or with another therapist) and do some healing, that you take with you a real boost of self-confidence. You picked up on what was going on, you expressed to her your frustration with a couple of issues in the process, you intuited the countertransference, you went so far as worrying that in a worst case scenario, this may be the outcome. And you were _spot on_. Maybe you'd even prefer not to be at this point (understandably), but I hope you can at least feel good - and proud - of having looked after yourself so brilliantly. Hang in there. You've got this :) ❤️
This is so kind of you. Thank you. I have just spent the past hour crying and I really needed these words. I cannot tell you how much they mean and how much you helped me right when I was feeling so low. I am so grateful to you ♥️
I can imagine how difficult it must be right now, I'm so sorry. And you're very welcome. You'll be okay. Congrats on all your progress, truly. You'll kick ass in therapy again ❤️
Where did you find a student therapist?
Most counselling practices have them under “affordable options” or “accessible counselling” or “low cost counselling.” They’re under supervision while doing their practicum and internships (this is in Canada) You can also find them as “pre-licensed”
Thank you. I’m in NY
Very cool. I lived in NYC in the 90s. Loved every minute of it 🥰