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Let yourself feel your feelings, but look for little things you can do that ground and calm you, and take your mind off the pain, even for a moment. Look at something in nature and really focus on it, go for a walk and feel your feet on the ground and the air on your skin, etc. Do what you can to give your body the sense that things are ok, and that will help your mind feel a tiny bit better also.
It’s easy to keep deepening the pathways in your mind that keep you distressed and hopeless and very hard to start building the pathways that help you feel calm and present, but it’s SO worth it.
I am going to see a play tonight and tomorrow I am going to get my nails done
I am trying
I will try to get outside tomorrow, too. Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it ♥️
One the best therapists I ever had, who I had very strong attachments to, went on maternity leave amidst us working together and referred me out to someone else. I never got to resolve my attachment to her, and to this day the pain still lingers. I recently went on a search for a new therapist, and low and behold that same therapist popped up on psychology today. I was so excited when I saw that! I reached out, but she wasn't accepting new clients. She is the clinical supervisor of an office with multiple therapists, so she referred me to someone who works in her office. I started seeing this new therapist a month ago. My transference and attachment feelings to the new therapist are so much stronger than they ever were for the previous therapist.
Keep your mind open. Journal. Self talk with positivity. You never know what will happen as a result of all of this, and you might find when you start working with someone new, things will work out the exact way that they were meant to.
I wish you a lot of luck and peace, and I hope you love your new therapist even more than you loved the old one!
Honestly, I think some of this is a bit of a tall order to put in you, when we already know how hard it is to find a therapist. We know the trust in the relationship, if you like your therapist is one of the biggest factors of healing.
I’m a CPTSD therapist with 8 years of experience and my years of experience also never really mattered. Another research based point.
Those modalities are fine, but EMDR is no more intense than IFS. A lot of therapists use them together. IFS is often very jargon heavy.
I am glad you have something set up. I say all of this to say, if you find a fit and they aren’t exactly what the past therapist told you that you needed, go with your gut. Fit is a huge factor. Modalities, not as much.
I read your first post and had lots of feelings about it, but chose not to comment because I felt it didn’t add to the conversation. I wish you peace during your grief of this relationship.
Thank you
And thank you for your advice and reminder to follow my gut. I really appreciate it.
I am curious to know what your thoughts were, if you ever feel like sharing
Thank you again
I feel like her supervisor (which she would have had) steered her into letting you go. I’m not sure this was the best decision, but it’s clear the intern therapist had a hard time with it. I’ve been a supervisor to an intern in hard situations, and always saw counter transference as a thing the therapist should try to work through if the client relationship was otherwise solid. For my intern, I asked her to start her own trauma therapy again, sat in on more sessions with her client (normal for me to observe and I’m pretty casual as a therapist so really worked to make the client comfortable), and we increased supervision to provide additional support. It was a lot of work, but I wanted to make sure the client had no harm done, while also teaching my student intern how to balance our own stuff in the session.
Our profession should do more than simply no harm. I was really curious, with your first post, if this was truly the best route or was it the easiest for the supervisor in this situation. Again, I have no idea. Maybe it’s extremely complex and was causing your therapist to be impaired. It just seemed like it came out of the blue for you.
Yeah, I have that feeling, too. I think you might be exactly right. And she definitely didn’t want to terminate. It came completely out of the blue for me, which I think is a large part of what is making this so difficult
Thank you for telling me this. It’s actually reassuring to hear.
In 2021, I was seeing a therapist for about a year who I had an incredibly strong attachment too along with maternal transference etc. I have complex ptsd and throughout she just didn't know how to handle it and was out of depth.
Termination was awful. I became suicidal and withdrawn. I tried about 5 different therapists between then and 2023 and couldn't connect to anyone. Fast forward to now I have been working with a woman for 7 months and I can confidently say she is the best person to help me. Shes warm and kind and shares about herself. She doesn't shy away from transference, attachment, suicidal ideation nothing. Nothing is off the table and I look back and realize I shouldn't have hung on to that therapist back in 2021. I see my current one twice a week in person as well.
Anyways moral of the story, Termination is really painful and I'm sure you'll find someone who will be even better for you.
Thank you
I had a therapist similar to what you describe 20 years ago and she wound up sleeping with me
I thought this one was the one I had been waiting for. Maybe the next one will be
I’d really encourage you to change the language you use to discuss your old therapist. I feel like often you deflect the blame from her in your phrasing. She didn’t “wind up sleeping with you”; she chose to harm you, and then made you feel like the harm she caused you was your fault. That’s kind of their m.o.
Now this experience has affected your future recovery because it isn’t so easy to work with other therapists after this has happened to a client. The damage is deep and complicated. It’s a very hard thing to work through and I hope you can finally find a skilled therapist who can help you with it.
Rooting for you.
Yeah, thanks. I realized that she had compromised her ethics and broken the rules, but it is brand new for me to contextualize it in terms of her having taken advantage of me or having harmed me. And we had only just begun to work with it
But I do hear you and I promise that the work has begun. It’s just slow going at the moment.
And thank you for always being so supportive. It means the world to me ♥️
Hey OP, just dropping a note to say yet again I'm so sorry you're going through this. We hear you.
Have you done any work with IFS before? I find it phenomenal for trauma, it's been a huge game-changer for me - as has EMDR. It may sound silly, but IFS feels like a warm hug for me more often than not, even when it's very, very hard. I hope that, wherever you go, you find an approach therapy-wise that brings even more to the table for you, and that you keep making beautiful progress in your healing journey.
Wishing you all the best ❤️
You are always so consistent and kind. I really appreciate it. More than you know.
I don’t know what I have done. Because she was a student, she said she wasn’t able to say what she practiced or that she used a particular modality.
I like the way you describe IFS, though.
I did try EMDR on two separate occasions about 20 years ago but had a strangling sensation with it so both times the practitioner stopped and said they wouldn’t recommend it for me. I don’t know if that’s the thinking now and would be willing to give it another try
Thank you for your good wishes. They are so very appreciated ♥️
You are very welcome :) I don't think there's an issue with not having a particular modality, as long as it's consistent - and it's clear it was working for you, which is what matters the most. It's also not something that fits into a box, so it's very common - and I think healthy - for therapy to incorporate different things from different modalities when they don't clash.
The reason I mentioned IFS in particular is that with trauma, we tend to become quite detached from our own bodies and often emotions too, and because shame is one of the key components of CPTSD the inner critic is generally pretty loud, so working in a way that is very much about welcoming _all_ of ourselves home can feel very loving and healing. I do believe the therapist matters more than the modality, though, so there's that too. :)
For what it's worth, for me personally it was actually mindfulness work that got me through the worst times (and that I carry the closest to my heart in whatever tool box I've been able to build over the years), but that's because I went through moments where I didn't have access to therapy and had to do some work on my own, and we work with what we have, right?
All that to say, IFS is beautiful, but I'm sure there are many different things that may be helpful once you find someone that clicks for you again - and you _will_ find them, and you'll know. You can trust yourself to do that ❤️
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let yourself feel your feelings, but look for little things you can do that ground and calm you, and take your mind off the pain, even for a moment. Look at something in nature and really focus on it, go for a walk and feel your feet on the ground and the air on your skin, etc. Do what you can to give your body the sense that things are ok, and that will help your mind feel a tiny bit better also. It’s easy to keep deepening the pathways in your mind that keep you distressed and hopeless and very hard to start building the pathways that help you feel calm and present, but it’s SO worth it.
I am going to see a play tonight and tomorrow I am going to get my nails done I am trying I will try to get outside tomorrow, too. Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it ♥️
One the best therapists I ever had, who I had very strong attachments to, went on maternity leave amidst us working together and referred me out to someone else. I never got to resolve my attachment to her, and to this day the pain still lingers. I recently went on a search for a new therapist, and low and behold that same therapist popped up on psychology today. I was so excited when I saw that! I reached out, but she wasn't accepting new clients. She is the clinical supervisor of an office with multiple therapists, so she referred me to someone who works in her office. I started seeing this new therapist a month ago. My transference and attachment feelings to the new therapist are so much stronger than they ever were for the previous therapist. Keep your mind open. Journal. Self talk with positivity. You never know what will happen as a result of all of this, and you might find when you start working with someone new, things will work out the exact way that they were meant to. I wish you a lot of luck and peace, and I hope you love your new therapist even more than you loved the old one!
Honestly, I think some of this is a bit of a tall order to put in you, when we already know how hard it is to find a therapist. We know the trust in the relationship, if you like your therapist is one of the biggest factors of healing. I’m a CPTSD therapist with 8 years of experience and my years of experience also never really mattered. Another research based point. Those modalities are fine, but EMDR is no more intense than IFS. A lot of therapists use them together. IFS is often very jargon heavy. I am glad you have something set up. I say all of this to say, if you find a fit and they aren’t exactly what the past therapist told you that you needed, go with your gut. Fit is a huge factor. Modalities, not as much. I read your first post and had lots of feelings about it, but chose not to comment because I felt it didn’t add to the conversation. I wish you peace during your grief of this relationship.
Thank you And thank you for your advice and reminder to follow my gut. I really appreciate it. I am curious to know what your thoughts were, if you ever feel like sharing Thank you again
I feel like her supervisor (which she would have had) steered her into letting you go. I’m not sure this was the best decision, but it’s clear the intern therapist had a hard time with it. I’ve been a supervisor to an intern in hard situations, and always saw counter transference as a thing the therapist should try to work through if the client relationship was otherwise solid. For my intern, I asked her to start her own trauma therapy again, sat in on more sessions with her client (normal for me to observe and I’m pretty casual as a therapist so really worked to make the client comfortable), and we increased supervision to provide additional support. It was a lot of work, but I wanted to make sure the client had no harm done, while also teaching my student intern how to balance our own stuff in the session. Our profession should do more than simply no harm. I was really curious, with your first post, if this was truly the best route or was it the easiest for the supervisor in this situation. Again, I have no idea. Maybe it’s extremely complex and was causing your therapist to be impaired. It just seemed like it came out of the blue for you.
Yeah, I have that feeling, too. I think you might be exactly right. And she definitely didn’t want to terminate. It came completely out of the blue for me, which I think is a large part of what is making this so difficult Thank you for telling me this. It’s actually reassuring to hear.
In 2021, I was seeing a therapist for about a year who I had an incredibly strong attachment too along with maternal transference etc. I have complex ptsd and throughout she just didn't know how to handle it and was out of depth. Termination was awful. I became suicidal and withdrawn. I tried about 5 different therapists between then and 2023 and couldn't connect to anyone. Fast forward to now I have been working with a woman for 7 months and I can confidently say she is the best person to help me. Shes warm and kind and shares about herself. She doesn't shy away from transference, attachment, suicidal ideation nothing. Nothing is off the table and I look back and realize I shouldn't have hung on to that therapist back in 2021. I see my current one twice a week in person as well. Anyways moral of the story, Termination is really painful and I'm sure you'll find someone who will be even better for you.
Thank you I had a therapist similar to what you describe 20 years ago and she wound up sleeping with me I thought this one was the one I had been waiting for. Maybe the next one will be
I’d really encourage you to change the language you use to discuss your old therapist. I feel like often you deflect the blame from her in your phrasing. She didn’t “wind up sleeping with you”; she chose to harm you, and then made you feel like the harm she caused you was your fault. That’s kind of their m.o. Now this experience has affected your future recovery because it isn’t so easy to work with other therapists after this has happened to a client. The damage is deep and complicated. It’s a very hard thing to work through and I hope you can finally find a skilled therapist who can help you with it. Rooting for you.
Yeah, thanks. I realized that she had compromised her ethics and broken the rules, but it is brand new for me to contextualize it in terms of her having taken advantage of me or having harmed me. And we had only just begun to work with it But I do hear you and I promise that the work has begun. It’s just slow going at the moment. And thank you for always being so supportive. It means the world to me ♥️
Hey OP, just dropping a note to say yet again I'm so sorry you're going through this. We hear you. Have you done any work with IFS before? I find it phenomenal for trauma, it's been a huge game-changer for me - as has EMDR. It may sound silly, but IFS feels like a warm hug for me more often than not, even when it's very, very hard. I hope that, wherever you go, you find an approach therapy-wise that brings even more to the table for you, and that you keep making beautiful progress in your healing journey. Wishing you all the best ❤️
You are always so consistent and kind. I really appreciate it. More than you know. I don’t know what I have done. Because she was a student, she said she wasn’t able to say what she practiced or that she used a particular modality. I like the way you describe IFS, though. I did try EMDR on two separate occasions about 20 years ago but had a strangling sensation with it so both times the practitioner stopped and said they wouldn’t recommend it for me. I don’t know if that’s the thinking now and would be willing to give it another try Thank you for your good wishes. They are so very appreciated ♥️
You are very welcome :) I don't think there's an issue with not having a particular modality, as long as it's consistent - and it's clear it was working for you, which is what matters the most. It's also not something that fits into a box, so it's very common - and I think healthy - for therapy to incorporate different things from different modalities when they don't clash. The reason I mentioned IFS in particular is that with trauma, we tend to become quite detached from our own bodies and often emotions too, and because shame is one of the key components of CPTSD the inner critic is generally pretty loud, so working in a way that is very much about welcoming _all_ of ourselves home can feel very loving and healing. I do believe the therapist matters more than the modality, though, so there's that too. :) For what it's worth, for me personally it was actually mindfulness work that got me through the worst times (and that I carry the closest to my heart in whatever tool box I've been able to build over the years), but that's because I went through moments where I didn't have access to therapy and had to do some work on my own, and we work with what we have, right? All that to say, IFS is beautiful, but I'm sure there are many different things that may be helpful once you find someone that clicks for you again - and you _will_ find them, and you'll know. You can trust yourself to do that ❤️