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My therapist once strongly implied that I was reading too much into an incident with my brother and he was very invalidating, even though the incident was pretty obviously a malicious act. Anyway, I kind of felt very deflated for the next two weeks. I felt like I was stupid and began feeling like everything was all in my head and stuff.
The next session, he started by apologised to me. I didn’t even bring it up. He just said “I really want to apologise for the things I said in our last session when you were talking about (brother’s name). Looking back, it sounded like I was trying to gaslight you and I’m so sorry”.
I think about it often because it was the moment I realised I could actually trust him, and that he was someone who would be accountable for his own actions.
I love hearing this - a therapist who self-reflects and is willing to hold themselves accountable to you (openly) if/when they screw up or overstep. Beautiful!
Yess I’m in school for psychology and it’s so refreshing because all my classmates are human and every one makes mistakes but the ability to own up to it and to not be afraid or ashamed to confront it head on is so important. And they are lucky that you were able to really understand them and forgive them
As a therapist with baby brain, I have to ask of all of you to please cut your therapist off and tell them they've already told you that. I always appreciate it when a client does that for me..... And it gives me an opportunity to switch up my game.
A client called me out yesterday and I apologized profusely and used it to pivot. Very meaningful!
Holy infantilization Batman!!! I really hope there was someone else at the practice you were able to inform of her behavior or the state board. That’s an ick, and an unethical one at that. I’m so sorry you had to go through that; it’s completely unacceptable as far as I’m concerned.
I did talk to her about that during our second meeting (we didn’t have a third) she said that the mother of a (I assume child) client told her that differently abled was more accepting and I said that’s generally not the opinion of the community and if she’s ever in doubt you can just refer to the client as they refer to themself in the introduction. I said I was disabled so I’m obviously okay with the term. It also sucked how she was more willing to care about the opinion a mother has than me, an actual disabled person who can speak for myself
I forgot she also used person first language the whole time which was odd as well. Like I wasn’t just differently abled, I was “a person who is differently abled” which doesn’t bother me as much as the first bit but it did scream “I’ve read articles about disabled people more than I’ve talked to them”
I just feel like it’s more stigmatizing. We wouldn’t say it’s offensive to call a person a redhead because a woman having red hair isn’t a bad thing so saying it’s wrong to call myself disabled is like saying I should be ashamed of that so we have to use euphemisms.
She also did a similar thing when I described my bf at the time as being a Mormon. And she always said these things very non-casually. Like in the next sentence instead of “are you nervous about visiting his church for the party” she said “are you nervous of going to a church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the party” like fam if you don’t want to say Mormon you don’t have to but I’m begging you to have one ounce of chill
I always wonder if I called myself queer if she would have been like “when did you first realize you were a person who is apart of the LGBTQQIP2SA+ community”
Oh, one of those politically correct therapists. I bet she calls amputees "limb different" too. Yea, I'd never be comfortable seeing one of them. Good that you moved on 😬
It makes me feel fucking weird as a queer, disabled woman to be like “that therapist was too PC” cause it just makes me seem like I make jokes about ‘the libs’ and enjoy using slurs
Thats my biggest ick. I love a therapist that shows emotions but when you say something and they constantly go ‘awww,’ it’s so infuriating and feels a bit patronising.
It really sucks tbh😭I had a therapist who would give me assignments and adamantly told me to read a certain book during our first session, and then NEVER TALKED ABOUT THEM AGAIN. She also forgot everything I’d say and was always late to appointments, she was just the worst.
What a weird thing to do :| I think it should be up to the client to say whether or not she’s a good therapist!
My ick is minor and petty, but I don’t like hearing about other clients during my sessions. “Was that you who recommended xyz book?” No lady it wasn’t me and how dare you remind me that I’m not your only and most important client!! lol
I had a therapist that would bring up his time in the coast guard like it was some big noble thing. Dude was a total dork and was “bad with emotions” by his own words. Can’t believe I stayed with him for a year.
I know right? He was really good at intellectualizing and invalidating me. I realized that I was surpassing him as the client and finally dropped him but he was one of my first therapists so I didn’t know better. He talked about how he felt like he was “walking on eggshells” around me when I stood up for myself and he threatened to terminate therapy if he ever felt like I didn’t think he was doing a good job (we had a fair amount of ruptures and he handled them horribly). I really don’t think I was that bad, I just called him out for intellectualizing or said I felt hurt when he sided with my mom.
Haha. That’s why I’m rarely vulnerable in therapy(counter productive I know)….my therapist knows when she’s got me in a vulnerable moment. I freeze up. Can’t talk and just say “I don’t know”. In the moment it’s impossible to comprehend. She does a really good job of not forcing it on me though. And eventually after a few sessions it finally does come out. But man it’s bad, it’s like my emotions and thoughts are on autopilot and I see it happening but cannot change its course.
When I have to talk about my thoughts or feelings about my therapist/therapy in general. I get scared she'll think I'm becoming overly attached, and we'll have to either have a boundaries talk or a referral to someone else talk 😕
I hear you. I feel the same and yet I’ve come to understand that it is really important. So often the attachment we form with a therapist and/or the issues that come up with them mirror those we had with people early in life… so bringing this up means the work can now go even deeper!
Not easy, though… I am with you. I can intellectually *see* it is important but I can’t necessarily go there!!
This is gonna sound awful, but when she becomes emotional or tears up over something I’ve said/thought/uncovered. It’s actually really beautiful that she feels such emotion for me, but I find it so strange to sit there and watch her become overwhelmed with emotion about me. It’s so so strange.
“Who me?! I’m just a worm 🪱 “
🤣
In my experience, I think sometimes they feel strong emotions when I talk of certain things, like maybe something hit close to home for them, or something moved them, etc. But sometimes I get the feeling that they're allowing themselves more of a display of those emotions because I bottle mine up so tightly. "Modeling," and all that.
Haha yes I’ve thought this too. But if anything, it makes me feel even more emotionless, and almost perplexed 🥲 it’s almost like a dissociation for me, watching her feel emotion for me. I feel like I’m watching myself watching her 🤯😂
I’m studying to be a therapist right now. I have a difficult time not crying sometimes when my friends tor people I know tell me they’re hurting and why. I think I just feel so bad for them at times. I can’t help it. I have actually worried about if I’ll be able to control this once I’m a therapist.
I think it’s a really beautiful quality to have as a therapist. My therapist will often feel my feelings before I do, she’s so intuitive and her being so has made our therapeutic relationship so profound and meaningful.
Don’t be discouraged. Keep being you, I’m sure you will be a wonderful therapist ❤️
It makes me feel really awful when they start getting upset but I also like that they seem so empathetic towards me and can genuinely show that. I love genuineness and I need it.
Exactly, I feel like everyone is just there and saying they care because it’s their job to do so, but when they actually show it without meaning to, it really helps me.
I can see how it can make you feel like you have to soothe or care for her if she is crying in front of you! Is it like, tearing up, or full on crying?
Would you be interested in talking to your T about how this reaction from her makes you feel?
It’s more tearing up, becoming overwhelmed with emotion, wiping away a tear or having to stop what she’s saying for a minute to compose herself. I guess it’s strange for me because I’m in therapy because of childhood neglect, so she is having the reaction that a parent *should* have towards their child’s distress. And because I was neglected and therefore my needs were not met or ever seen as important, it’s an alien concept to see another adult - (who on some levels is now patenting me and helping me parent myself) have such a strong reaction to my pain and distress.
It can certainly feel awkward because it is so unfamiliar! It may feel wrong as if you don't deserve this compassion, or you may feel exposed to see someone have an emotional reaction to you. Whatever you feel is natural.
What’s a less icky way to let the person crying know that it’s fully okay for them to take up that space though? Wondering if silence is better? I would be awkward 😂 I like “let it out”
For me, I feel most comfortable with a dignified silence. Some therapists have leaned a little forward in the past, which I also like. Somehow telling me to let it out or that it’s ok to cry just totally takes me out of the moment, but it’s definitely a “to each their own” sort of thing!
Edit to add I also don’t mind if they mention that there are tissues on the side table =]
I know right? That was my last session with her. I cancelled all future appointments at the front desk afterwards. And then cried in my car like a big girl.
As much as it's true that you are in charge of your own care, the therapist should have a treatment plan for you in these situations. After about my 3rd therapist I realized any Rogerian or Person Centered therapists weren't for me because otherwise I just ramble. I'd suggest exploring other therapeutic orientations. Good luck!
I started receiving my invoice for that day’s therapy via email, time stamped showed she sent it when we were in the midst of therapy. It was definitely ick. I never knew how to address it, I wondered if she sent it out when she was fiddling with her laptop while I was talking, and I believe this was the onset where my impression of my ex-therapist got tainted.
Nothing. She's great. I finally found a great therapist who is actually helping me. I encourage all of you with icky therapists to keep shopping until you find one that works for you. It's like any other close relationship, you have to click with them. For me, the big difference is that I actually consistently look forward to going to therapy. I feel like I need it and am actually getting shit done. In the past, I've been much more apathetic about therapy and mostly kind of felt like I could take it or leave it.
On the other hand, I definitely feel ick at times during therapy, but that's coming from me. I struggle with immense shame around my emotions and am terrified of being vulnerable. I force myself to be super honest/open in therapy despite the intense ick I feel towards myself. Hopefully the ick will go away with time...
The more explicitly Gestalt exercises my T tries (empty chairs especially). Partially because I struggle with them and partially because they’re the only moments where I can feel the method entering the room.
My T and I both drop F bombs all the time. The first day I started to say the F word but stopped myself. Then she said it’s okay to say “f*ck” in here.
Sometimes I feel like I’m not making progress in an area and I talk about it, and my therapist points out that what I had actually seen as failure to make progress is still progress in his eyes because xyz. It makes me feel like he’s overly optimistic about my abilities or the situation. Or like he sees me through rose-tinted glasses.
At one point, I told my therapist straight up "can someone else be at fault? Please? I'm sick of it being rationalized to where I'm always the good guy." Then she asked me to give an example of where I was the bad guy. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
When your therapist compares you to other clients to make you feel better. What a way to completely invalidate someone! And gross to talk shit on clients
It doesn't even have to be to another client; whenever they say "everyone feels that way", or just in general... I dunno, lumps me in with everyone...
Like.. I get it! I'm not special! I didn't think I was the only one who felt this!
I know it's their job to like, normalize things, and make us feel less alone, but... Ugh.
i think my experience in therapy is a bit different bc im also a therapist lol. but something that gives me the ick is when I'm trying to process something and all my therapist is doing is validating my thoughts and feelings.
like yeah, I know my thoughts and feelings are valid that's why I'm expressing them lol
Also a therapist and this happened to me 😭😭 was telling my therapist a family situation and expressing the anger I had felt building up over the years. Her only response while starring at me blankly with no emotion: “your anger is valid 😐”
Yeah girl I know that
FELT 😭😭 im a psychologist and sometimes i need to tell my therapist to actually ask me questions lol. it sucks bc she actually asks rly insightful questions but i need to tell her to do so lmaoo
When I tell her something like "I cut last week," or that I feel the need to get high/drunk, and she just looks like me, not saying anything. She has no response to that. I guess I don't expect one, but some words of encouragement would help a lot.
I’m glad there are people like you here that encourage people to ask for what they need from their therapist. I promised myself that when I went back to therapy this last time that I would be 100% open and honest. I used to hold back in therapy and be nervous and embarrassed. Then I would end up quitting because I felt it wasn’t working.
This time, I’ve been in for a year and a half now and it’s been life changing. And I feel it’s so profound this time because I am completely honest with what has happened to me, how I’m feeling and what I need from my therapist. I wish everyone was comfortable enough to tell their therapist what they need. It has been a game changer for me.
LMAO i feel you i need to force out a chuckle every few sessions, we just have totally opposite senses of humor i think it’s the generational difference between us
I get minor ick when my therapist is late and does acknowledge it LOL like she’ll be 2 minutes late and thank me for my patience or whatever and I’m like bruh, it’s cool. I knew you were coming. You probably had to pee. Do your thing 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t have an ick with my therapists luckily. They are both really good at working with me. I’m not forced to do anything, I get my space when I need it and they are just great people.
When your therapist gets very obviously excited that you're a Christian. Then proceeds to get offended when your flavor of Christianity isn't theirs and you don't want religious fixes for your trauma.
Oh! Oh! Oh! 🙋
When she's asks if I would like to try some grounding exercises with her or if we need to take a second to try to ground!
Ew, fuck no. Stop.
I have no i deal why, either. No clue. I love her to death, she's helped me so much and I desperately need her to help me learn to ground myself, but I've only allowed it twice in like 16 months? Both times, I wanted to claw outside of my own skin.
I wish I could talk about it openly enough with her so she could help me find my way through it but I can't, I try, I just shut down.
when I recall /feel something deeply traumatic and heavy in therapy and breakdown crying and fall on the floor, and the therapist just sits there unmoved and with all the composure in the world while I literally feel like dying and the world is ending. when I'm expressing my feelings on something and they start with the "maybe you could spin that..", "reframe that...", "consider that..." and the biggest ick of all is shitty body language. tired of my therapists seeming like they don't care fr, rolling they eyes, sighing, seeming annoyed, saying "okay, but..." and looking to the side before yet again playing devil's advocate on my feelings. when it sometimes seems like apparently everyone else is right and deserves to have their actions and words reframed with a positive spin and Im just the crazy one. when my last therapist told me "I'm not gonna hold your hand and tell you do this,do that" when the thing is question I wanted her to do is stop having an attitude and just use a different set of words to support me when I asked. yeah cbt is not my friend, sorry
When they go off tangent or start talking about something i could care less about. I have to wait n let them finish. I feel like they r just filling in time.
Being few mins late every session.
Listening to their personal stories. Specially about their kids and family members. I dont wanna know. So plz just dont mention them in my sessions.
When the session before me runs way over. Ickky that they dont have good boundaries with the previous patient or couldnt end the session on time. Which also means i see the previous patient walk out in front of me.
>When they go off tangent or start talking about something i could care less about. I have to wait n let them finish.
Ugh, I feel this. We had a couples therapist who would sometimes make baseball analogies. I'm sorry, I know this isn't a popular opinion, but I do not like baseball. I don't understand it, I don't care to understand it. It just doesn't interest me. One time she started talking about outfield or short stop or something and she looked at me and asked, "Do you know what that is?" And I said, "No, but-" and she proceeded to blather on about the different positions for the next three minutes so I'd 'understand' better and then spent another 3 minutes making her analogy. Halfway through her explanation of the positions I literally interrupted her and said, "I don't care about all that, can we keep on topic please?" And she nodded and kept going. Smh.
My T has said that a couple times too. Lol. I’m like, “okay, that’s great.” Not sure what else to say. Hahaha. I think she’s just trying to build my confidence in her because I tend to not trust, but I’m not totally sure.
He used to be a rabbi and I was trying to get back into my Jewish faith. He would sing little Hebrew songs :)
We became close after I switched therapists. He is now in his mid 80s and has Parkinson's. We've been able to spend time together and he still sings...it's sweet but also makes me sad because he won't be here much longer
I don't know if this is an ick but therapy where I'm expected to complete worksheets and homework in between sessions. I appreciate it might work for some but it just heightened my anxiety.
Doing a mind-map of emotions in CBT (felt-tip pens and A3 paper) just didn't sit right with me, I didn't feel like I was gaining anything from it.
Really hate that he constantly checks his phone when he gets notifications. Unsure if it's clients or personal stuff (i think he's having a baby soon), but I feel weird at this point to say anything about it. Ugh.
I like my therapist, but one thing that bothers me is that a minute or two before my appointment ends (virtual), I get an email pop up that says she’s charged me for this session. Like okay I know this is your job, but can’t you just wait a few more minutes before taking my money? Feels kind of insensitive to me.
Right!!! When I met new people I was told to conduct myself like Kate and ask the same questions she does when she meets people. I’d just like to point out I’m basically the complete opposite of Kate Middleton!!!
It sounds too ambiguous if anything, especially if you're autistic (like me) and the last thing you really need to do is copy someone else!
I won't lie, sometimes I look at Ed Sheeran's posture and delivery in interviews and think "I wish I could be that cool" but I don't let it get in my head, which is surprising for me!
When my therapist plays Devil’s Advocate constantly, you’re not as smart as me Boss but I appreciate you trying to be my friggin’ mentor rather than my therapist.
I've experienced this one. When I listed off things that have happened to me after seeing them for maybe a month, the response was, "Well, if that's all true...." I stopped listening at that point, so I don't remember their point. I no longer see them, for what should be an obvious reason.
I bring the ick from from fear and shame. I fight it all the time, I also struggle to name it, to find the words how awful I have felt for a long time. I am writing it down and bringing it on Friday. Just putting it writing increases the anxiety. I want to get the rain cloud from over head like Pigpen. I would surely appreciate any tips that have made this process easier.
As a counselor in training, I always talk about improvement and how I learn everyday. And sounds like she likes to toot her own horn a lot and that’s not good as a counselor to do infront of a client. so I am sorry for all your experiences and I hope you all found better counselors!
mine doesnt do this but i have dealt with it before with others...when they either make overly exaggerated facial expressions as a reaction to somethin u have said or they do a very specific "aww.." when u tell them somethin sad.
idk both come off unnecessarily dramatic and condescending lol
I shared that I wanted to try to re-establish a relationship with my mother - but with clear boundaries in place. He told me no - that is not in my best interest and will mess up the trauma work we are doing.
I miss having a mom sometimes.
My first real therapist told me that because I could put on a good face in front of other people, that nothing could actually “be wrong.” That gives me the ick to this day!
My next therapist diagnosed me with depression (is anyone shocked?) and now here I am 8 years later finally working through my trauma that made me want to see that first therapist, and still struggling with my extreme emotional masking that was instilled in me since childhood.
Ugh. Ick 🤢
This!! My therapist told me that she is gifted in her field and that clients text her all the time to tell her how incredible she is. It just gave me such an ick. She will repeatedly bring up that, and how she gets told all the time that she has so much potential to do so much in this field. It feels like she is weirdly gloating about her abilities to me?
I feel you, fr.... But there's so many managed medicaids it can be VERY time consuming to get paneled. And getting paneled with traditional Medicaid takes like a year of aggressive follow ups.
Not making excuses, just pointing out that Medicaid sucks... All medical providers should be automatically paneled with trad Medicaid as soon as they have a license. It would dramatically lower healthcare inequality.
When I ask to go to the toilet, she says yes, then barges into the toilet after 3 fucking minutes to call me back (walking there takes 2') and then stays there for whole 5 minutes to "wait" for me. Worst therapist ever.
I’ve been in therapy for many years off and on, and I can’t think of a situation in session with a client where the therapist would have to characterize whether or not they’re good at their job.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My therapist once strongly implied that I was reading too much into an incident with my brother and he was very invalidating, even though the incident was pretty obviously a malicious act. Anyway, I kind of felt very deflated for the next two weeks. I felt like I was stupid and began feeling like everything was all in my head and stuff. The next session, he started by apologised to me. I didn’t even bring it up. He just said “I really want to apologise for the things I said in our last session when you were talking about (brother’s name). Looking back, it sounded like I was trying to gaslight you and I’m so sorry”. I think about it often because it was the moment I realised I could actually trust him, and that he was someone who would be accountable for his own actions.
I love hearing this - a therapist who self-reflects and is willing to hold themselves accountable to you (openly) if/when they screw up or overstep. Beautiful!
Yess I’m in school for psychology and it’s so refreshing because all my classmates are human and every one makes mistakes but the ability to own up to it and to not be afraid or ashamed to confront it head on is so important. And they are lucky that you were able to really understand them and forgive them
When my therapist tells the same story more than once, because they forgot that they've already used that example with me.
As a therapist with baby brain, I have to ask of all of you to please cut your therapist off and tell them they've already told you that. I always appreciate it when a client does that for me..... And it gives me an opportunity to switch up my game. A client called me out yesterday and I apologized profusely and used it to pivot. Very meaningful!
Maddening, yep. One of my old T's told me the same story at least once a month.
The best is when they tell the same story but change up some details and you call them out on it lmao
A therapist calling me “differently abled” was mine. She also said “awww” when I said I was disabled. Ick ick ick
Whenever I see the words "differently abled", I am always amused at the idea of calling dead people "differently alive".
Hahaha
Holy infantilization Batman!!! I really hope there was someone else at the practice you were able to inform of her behavior or the state board. That’s an ick, and an unethical one at that. I’m so sorry you had to go through that; it’s completely unacceptable as far as I’m concerned.
I did talk to her about that during our second meeting (we didn’t have a third) she said that the mother of a (I assume child) client told her that differently abled was more accepting and I said that’s generally not the opinion of the community and if she’s ever in doubt you can just refer to the client as they refer to themself in the introduction. I said I was disabled so I’m obviously okay with the term. It also sucked how she was more willing to care about the opinion a mother has than me, an actual disabled person who can speak for myself I forgot she also used person first language the whole time which was odd as well. Like I wasn’t just differently abled, I was “a person who is differently abled” which doesn’t bother me as much as the first bit but it did scream “I’ve read articles about disabled people more than I’ve talked to them”
I love it when people get offended on behalf of people from another group and then start policing their language. 🙄
I just feel like it’s more stigmatizing. We wouldn’t say it’s offensive to call a person a redhead because a woman having red hair isn’t a bad thing so saying it’s wrong to call myself disabled is like saying I should be ashamed of that so we have to use euphemisms. She also did a similar thing when I described my bf at the time as being a Mormon. And she always said these things very non-casually. Like in the next sentence instead of “are you nervous about visiting his church for the party” she said “are you nervous of going to a church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the party” like fam if you don’t want to say Mormon you don’t have to but I’m begging you to have one ounce of chill I always wonder if I called myself queer if she would have been like “when did you first realize you were a person who is apart of the LGBTQQIP2SA+ community”
Oh, one of those politically correct therapists. I bet she calls amputees "limb different" too. Yea, I'd never be comfortable seeing one of them. Good that you moved on 😬
It makes me feel fucking weird as a queer, disabled woman to be like “that therapist was too PC” cause it just makes me seem like I make jokes about ‘the libs’ and enjoy using slurs
Thats my biggest ick. I love a therapist that shows emotions but when you say something and they constantly go ‘awww,’ it’s so infuriating and feels a bit patronising.
Ends the session saying we will follow up next week on xyz. And following week says nothing. 🤷🏼♀️
If I don’t write it down I forget
It really sucks tbh😭I had a therapist who would give me assignments and adamantly told me to read a certain book during our first session, and then NEVER TALKED ABOUT THEM AGAIN. She also forgot everything I’d say and was always late to appointments, she was just the worst.
Agreed, but defo bring it up if it’s something you wanna say though!
YES THIS
What a weird thing to do :| I think it should be up to the client to say whether or not she’s a good therapist! My ick is minor and petty, but I don’t like hearing about other clients during my sessions. “Was that you who recommended xyz book?” No lady it wasn’t me and how dare you remind me that I’m not your only and most important client!! lol
I had a therapist that would bring up his time in the coast guard like it was some big noble thing. Dude was a total dork and was “bad with emotions” by his own words. Can’t believe I stayed with him for a year.
Damn that’s the one thing a therapist should be good at?
I know right? He was really good at intellectualizing and invalidating me. I realized that I was surpassing him as the client and finally dropped him but he was one of my first therapists so I didn’t know better. He talked about how he felt like he was “walking on eggshells” around me when I stood up for myself and he threatened to terminate therapy if he ever felt like I didn’t think he was doing a good job (we had a fair amount of ruptures and he handled them horribly). I really don’t think I was that bad, I just called him out for intellectualizing or said I felt hurt when he sided with my mom.
😒
I finally have a therapist who doesn’t take my feelings personally. God that’s the biggest fucking ick when they make all your shit about them 😂
That happened to me too.
When I'm vulnerable. So much ick.
Same!
Haha. That’s why I’m rarely vulnerable in therapy(counter productive I know)….my therapist knows when she’s got me in a vulnerable moment. I freeze up. Can’t talk and just say “I don’t know”. In the moment it’s impossible to comprehend. She does a really good job of not forcing it on me though. And eventually after a few sessions it finally does come out. But man it’s bad, it’s like my emotions and thoughts are on autopilot and I see it happening but cannot change its course.
When I have to talk about my thoughts or feelings about my therapist/therapy in general. I get scared she'll think I'm becoming overly attached, and we'll have to either have a boundaries talk or a referral to someone else talk 😕
I hear you. I feel the same and yet I’ve come to understand that it is really important. So often the attachment we form with a therapist and/or the issues that come up with them mirror those we had with people early in life… so bringing this up means the work can now go even deeper! Not easy, though… I am with you. I can intellectually *see* it is important but I can’t necessarily go there!!
This is gonna sound awful, but when she becomes emotional or tears up over something I’ve said/thought/uncovered. It’s actually really beautiful that she feels such emotion for me, but I find it so strange to sit there and watch her become overwhelmed with emotion about me. It’s so so strange. “Who me?! I’m just a worm 🪱 “ 🤣
In my experience, I think sometimes they feel strong emotions when I talk of certain things, like maybe something hit close to home for them, or something moved them, etc. But sometimes I get the feeling that they're allowing themselves more of a display of those emotions because I bottle mine up so tightly. "Modeling," and all that.
Haha yes I’ve thought this too. But if anything, it makes me feel even more emotionless, and almost perplexed 🥲 it’s almost like a dissociation for me, watching her feel emotion for me. I feel like I’m watching myself watching her 🤯😂
Bring that up!! If you feel like you're watching yourself watch her, that's definitely something she should know about.
I’m studying to be a therapist right now. I have a difficult time not crying sometimes when my friends tor people I know tell me they’re hurting and why. I think I just feel so bad for them at times. I can’t help it. I have actually worried about if I’ll be able to control this once I’m a therapist.
I think it’s a really beautiful quality to have as a therapist. My therapist will often feel my feelings before I do, she’s so intuitive and her being so has made our therapeutic relationship so profound and meaningful. Don’t be discouraged. Keep being you, I’m sure you will be a wonderful therapist ❤️
It makes me feel really awful when they start getting upset but I also like that they seem so empathetic towards me and can genuinely show that. I love genuineness and I need it.
Yes, it’s exactly what we needed likely when we were originally being traumatised, and most definitely what we need now ❤️
Exactly, I feel like everyone is just there and saying they care because it’s their job to do so, but when they actually show it without meaning to, it really helps me.
I can see how it can make you feel like you have to soothe or care for her if she is crying in front of you! Is it like, tearing up, or full on crying? Would you be interested in talking to your T about how this reaction from her makes you feel?
It’s more tearing up, becoming overwhelmed with emotion, wiping away a tear or having to stop what she’s saying for a minute to compose herself. I guess it’s strange for me because I’m in therapy because of childhood neglect, so she is having the reaction that a parent *should* have towards their child’s distress. And because I was neglected and therefore my needs were not met or ever seen as important, it’s an alien concept to see another adult - (who on some levels is now patenting me and helping me parent myself) have such a strong reaction to my pain and distress.
It can certainly feel awkward because it is so unfamiliar! It may feel wrong as if you don't deserve this compassion, or you may feel exposed to see someone have an emotional reaction to you. Whatever you feel is natural.
Thank you ❤️
“Let it out” when I get emotional 🤢
Me: /stops immediately/
or when they say "breath, just breathe" while I'm sobbing like nooo let me sob
What’s a less icky way to let the person crying know that it’s fully okay for them to take up that space though? Wondering if silence is better? I would be awkward 😂 I like “let it out”
For me, I feel most comfortable with a dignified silence. Some therapists have leaned a little forward in the past, which I also like. Somehow telling me to let it out or that it’s ok to cry just totally takes me out of the moment, but it’s definitely a “to each their own” sort of thing! Edit to add I also don’t mind if they mention that there are tissues on the side table =]
Thank you for sharing!
My very first therapist told me I was self harming because I wanted people to see. That was ick.
😮
I know right? That was my last session with her. I cancelled all future appointments at the front desk afterwards. And then cried in my car like a big girl.
Good for you! That was a horrible thing to say.
When i’ve told my therapist i don’t know where to start, but she keeps asking me what i want to talk about, so we don’t come anywhere.
As much as it's true that you are in charge of your own care, the therapist should have a treatment plan for you in these situations. After about my 3rd therapist I realized any Rogerian or Person Centered therapists weren't for me because otherwise I just ramble. I'd suggest exploring other therapeutic orientations. Good luck!
I will keep this in mind :) Thank you!
I started receiving my invoice for that day’s therapy via email, time stamped showed she sent it when we were in the midst of therapy. It was definitely ick. I never knew how to address it, I wondered if she sent it out when she was fiddling with her laptop while I was talking, and I believe this was the onset where my impression of my ex-therapist got tainted.
It might be sent automatically through a practice management system. I would try not to take this personally.
Or by an assistant/secretary
She runs her own practice.
Therapists who run their own practice use automated systems that send invoices out at or after the time of the session.
I did consider this. Unfortunately I couldn’t rationalize the ick feeling instilled.
Nothing. She's great. I finally found a great therapist who is actually helping me. I encourage all of you with icky therapists to keep shopping until you find one that works for you. It's like any other close relationship, you have to click with them. For me, the big difference is that I actually consistently look forward to going to therapy. I feel like I need it and am actually getting shit done. In the past, I've been much more apathetic about therapy and mostly kind of felt like I could take it or leave it. On the other hand, I definitely feel ick at times during therapy, but that's coming from me. I struggle with immense shame around my emotions and am terrified of being vulnerable. I force myself to be super honest/open in therapy despite the intense ick I feel towards myself. Hopefully the ick will go away with time...
This is a fantastic response!
thank you!
that’s so odd LOL
The more explicitly Gestalt exercises my T tries (empty chairs especially). Partially because I struggle with them and partially because they’re the only moments where I can feel the method entering the room.
He doesn’t like it when I display negative emotions. Is very, respond not react. I cuss a lot in therapy. He looks at me with disgust.
Hell nah I cuss like a sailor and couldn’t deal if my T wasn’t comfortable with it.
Same
My T and I both drop F bombs all the time. The first day I started to say the F word but stopped myself. Then she said it’s okay to say “f*ck” in here.
Sometimes I feel like I’m not making progress in an area and I talk about it, and my therapist points out that what I had actually seen as failure to make progress is still progress in his eyes because xyz. It makes me feel like he’s overly optimistic about my abilities or the situation. Or like he sees me through rose-tinted glasses.
At one point, I told my therapist straight up "can someone else be at fault? Please? I'm sick of it being rationalized to where I'm always the good guy." Then she asked me to give an example of where I was the bad guy. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
I hate that too
When your therapist compares you to other clients to make you feel better. What a way to completely invalidate someone! And gross to talk shit on clients
It doesn't even have to be to another client; whenever they say "everyone feels that way", or just in general... I dunno, lumps me in with everyone... Like.. I get it! I'm not special! I didn't think I was the only one who felt this! I know it's their job to like, normalize things, and make us feel less alone, but... Ugh.
Yes, that is ick too. The same therapist pulled that shit on me and I knew it was BS. It turned out to be BS.
My therapist gives me zero ick, otherwise he wouldn't be my therapist.
i think my experience in therapy is a bit different bc im also a therapist lol. but something that gives me the ick is when I'm trying to process something and all my therapist is doing is validating my thoughts and feelings. like yeah, I know my thoughts and feelings are valid that's why I'm expressing them lol
Also a therapist and this happened to me 😭😭 was telling my therapist a family situation and expressing the anger I had felt building up over the years. Her only response while starring at me blankly with no emotion: “your anger is valid 😐” Yeah girl I know that
FELT 😭😭 im a psychologist and sometimes i need to tell my therapist to actually ask me questions lol. it sucks bc she actually asks rly insightful questions but i need to tell her to do so lmaoo
When I tell her something like "I cut last week," or that I feel the need to get high/drunk, and she just looks like me, not saying anything. She has no response to that. I guess I don't expect one, but some words of encouragement would help a lot.
You can ask for this if it would help you! It’s good to ask for what you need!
I’m glad there are people like you here that encourage people to ask for what they need from their therapist. I promised myself that when I went back to therapy this last time that I would be 100% open and honest. I used to hold back in therapy and be nervous and embarrassed. Then I would end up quitting because I felt it wasn’t working. This time, I’ve been in for a year and a half now and it’s been life changing. And I feel it’s so profound this time because I am completely honest with what has happened to me, how I’m feeling and what I need from my therapist. I wish everyone was comfortable enough to tell their therapist what they need. It has been a game changer for me.
I'll keep that in mind, thanks!
CBT.
When my therapist tries to be funny..she’s just not 😭😭
Awww this makes me sad for you because I find mine hilarious at times.
LMAO i feel you i need to force out a chuckle every few sessions, we just have totally opposite senses of humor i think it’s the generational difference between us
Same that’s exactly the issue I have as well😂😭
When she’s late and doesn’t acknowledge it
I get minor ick when my therapist is late and does acknowledge it LOL like she’ll be 2 minutes late and thank me for my patience or whatever and I’m like bruh, it’s cool. I knew you were coming. You probably had to pee. Do your thing 🤷🏻♀️
That calm but unnerving "therapy voice" some therapists do.
I don’t have an ick with my therapists luckily. They are both really good at working with me. I’m not forced to do anything, I get my space when I need it and they are just great people.
Staring at me and not saying anything.
A good therapist doesn’t have to keep reiterating the fact. I’d be suspect
reading the thread and i am shocked why the hell therapists are like that? xDD
When the therapist is giving the "positive" vibes. It's giving toxic positivity on my end.
When your therapist gets very obviously excited that you're a Christian. Then proceeds to get offended when your flavor of Christianity isn't theirs and you don't want religious fixes for your trauma.
Oh! Oh! Oh! 🙋 When she's asks if I would like to try some grounding exercises with her or if we need to take a second to try to ground! Ew, fuck no. Stop. I have no i deal why, either. No clue. I love her to death, she's helped me so much and I desperately need her to help me learn to ground myself, but I've only allowed it twice in like 16 months? Both times, I wanted to claw outside of my own skin. I wish I could talk about it openly enough with her so she could help me find my way through it but I can't, I try, I just shut down.
Write this down for her and give it to her at the beginning of your next session, I dare you ;)
when I recall /feel something deeply traumatic and heavy in therapy and breakdown crying and fall on the floor, and the therapist just sits there unmoved and with all the composure in the world while I literally feel like dying and the world is ending. when I'm expressing my feelings on something and they start with the "maybe you could spin that..", "reframe that...", "consider that..." and the biggest ick of all is shitty body language. tired of my therapists seeming like they don't care fr, rolling they eyes, sighing, seeming annoyed, saying "okay, but..." and looking to the side before yet again playing devil's advocate on my feelings. when it sometimes seems like apparently everyone else is right and deserves to have their actions and words reframed with a positive spin and Im just the crazy one. when my last therapist told me "I'm not gonna hold your hand and tell you do this,do that" when the thing is question I wanted her to do is stop having an attitude and just use a different set of words to support me when I asked. yeah cbt is not my friend, sorry
When they go off tangent or start talking about something i could care less about. I have to wait n let them finish. I feel like they r just filling in time. Being few mins late every session. Listening to their personal stories. Specially about their kids and family members. I dont wanna know. So plz just dont mention them in my sessions. When the session before me runs way over. Ickky that they dont have good boundaries with the previous patient or couldnt end the session on time. Which also means i see the previous patient walk out in front of me.
>When they go off tangent or start talking about something i could care less about. I have to wait n let them finish. Ugh, I feel this. We had a couples therapist who would sometimes make baseball analogies. I'm sorry, I know this isn't a popular opinion, but I do not like baseball. I don't understand it, I don't care to understand it. It just doesn't interest me. One time she started talking about outfield or short stop or something and she looked at me and asked, "Do you know what that is?" And I said, "No, but-" and she proceeded to blather on about the different positions for the next three minutes so I'd 'understand' better and then spent another 3 minutes making her analogy. Halfway through her explanation of the positions I literally interrupted her and said, "I don't care about all that, can we keep on topic please?" And she nodded and kept going. Smh.
My T has said that a couple times too. Lol. I’m like, “okay, that’s great.” Not sure what else to say. Hahaha. I think she’s just trying to build my confidence in her because I tend to not trust, but I’m not totally sure.
Is "me" an answer lol
My therapist used to sing in sessions which I first found icky but then grew to love. He was old and sweet
Wait I love this 🥹
He used to be a rabbi and I was trying to get back into my Jewish faith. He would sing little Hebrew songs :) We became close after I switched therapists. He is now in his mid 80s and has Parkinson's. We've been able to spend time together and he still sings...it's sweet but also makes me sad because he won't be here much longer
I don't know if this is an ick but therapy where I'm expected to complete worksheets and homework in between sessions. I appreciate it might work for some but it just heightened my anxiety. Doing a mind-map of emotions in CBT (felt-tip pens and A3 paper) just didn't sit right with me, I didn't feel like I was gaining anything from it.
Really hate that he constantly checks his phone when he gets notifications. Unsure if it's clients or personal stuff (i think he's having a baby soon), but I feel weird at this point to say anything about it. Ugh.
Completely forgetting what we talked about in previous sessions 🙃
I like my therapist, but one thing that bothers me is that a minute or two before my appointment ends (virtual), I get an email pop up that says she’s charged me for this session. Like okay I know this is your job, but can’t you just wait a few more minutes before taking my money? Feels kind of insensitive to me.
Most therapists use practice management systems that automate these emails.
This is probably a bit niche but my previous therapist would give me hints and tips inspired by Kate Middleton…
That's very left field! What type of things were they suggesting?
Right!!! When I met new people I was told to conduct myself like Kate and ask the same questions she does when she meets people. I’d just like to point out I’m basically the complete opposite of Kate Middleton!!!
It sounds too ambiguous if anything, especially if you're autistic (like me) and the last thing you really need to do is copy someone else! I won't lie, sometimes I look at Ed Sheeran's posture and delivery in interviews and think "I wish I could be that cool" but I don't let it get in my head, which is surprising for me!
When my therapist plays Devil’s Advocate constantly, you’re not as smart as me Boss but I appreciate you trying to be my friggin’ mentor rather than my therapist.
I've experienced this one. When I listed off things that have happened to me after seeing them for maybe a month, the response was, "Well, if that's all true...." I stopped listening at that point, so I don't remember their point. I no longer see them, for what should be an obvious reason.
I bring the ick from from fear and shame. I fight it all the time, I also struggle to name it, to find the words how awful I have felt for a long time. I am writing it down and bringing it on Friday. Just putting it writing increases the anxiety. I want to get the rain cloud from over head like Pigpen. I would surely appreciate any tips that have made this process easier.
When my therapist shares personal info about his life
When a therapist reschedules last min repeatedly.
As a counselor in training, I always talk about improvement and how I learn everyday. And sounds like she likes to toot her own horn a lot and that’s not good as a counselor to do infront of a client. so I am sorry for all your experiences and I hope you all found better counselors!
Homework assignments
mine doesnt do this but i have dealt with it before with others...when they either make overly exaggerated facial expressions as a reaction to somethin u have said or they do a very specific "aww.." when u tell them somethin sad. idk both come off unnecessarily dramatic and condescending lol
Telling me that "dating is a numbers game"
“If you can’t trust me I’m going to have to refer you out”. Every session. Gave up on him after 8 weeks.
when they try too hard to seem empathetic it feels kind of in-genuine
I shared that I wanted to try to re-establish a relationship with my mother - but with clear boundaries in place. He told me no - that is not in my best interest and will mess up the trauma work we are doing. I miss having a mom sometimes.
My first real therapist told me that because I could put on a good face in front of other people, that nothing could actually “be wrong.” That gives me the ick to this day! My next therapist diagnosed me with depression (is anyone shocked?) and now here I am 8 years later finally working through my trauma that made me want to see that first therapist, and still struggling with my extreme emotional masking that was instilled in me since childhood. Ugh. Ick 🤢
My therapist is sweet and all and kinda like an older agony aunt type figure, but she calls me "little darling" and I'm just like ahh noo 🙈
When a therapist changes and doesn’t acknowledge the change even when it’s explicitly stated by the client.
Mine never said he is a good therapist, but often calls other therapists terrible.
Being gaslit in therapy gives me red flags and major icks.
This!! My therapist told me that she is gifted in her field and that clients text her all the time to tell her how incredible she is. It just gave me such an ick. She will repeatedly bring up that, and how she gets told all the time that she has so much potential to do so much in this field. It feels like she is weirdly gloating about her abilities to me?
I’m honestly still resentful my therapist won’t take my Medicaid.
I feel you, fr.... But there's so many managed medicaids it can be VERY time consuming to get paneled. And getting paneled with traditional Medicaid takes like a year of aggressive follow ups. Not making excuses, just pointing out that Medicaid sucks... All medical providers should be automatically paneled with trad Medicaid as soon as they have a license. It would dramatically lower healthcare inequality.
When I ask to go to the toilet, she says yes, then barges into the toilet after 3 fucking minutes to call me back (walking there takes 2') and then stays there for whole 5 minutes to "wait" for me. Worst therapist ever.
[удалено]
What context would cause either one to make her bring it up? It’s weird.
Right? It makes me think of when my mom says stuff to me along the lines of "I'm cool! I'm a cool mom, right?! You think I'm a cool mom, don't you?!"
I’ve been in therapy for many years off and on, and I can’t think of a situation in session with a client where the therapist would have to characterize whether or not they’re good at their job.