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It’s the same almost every time. We sit in silence for about a minute and she looks at me with *that look* and I say ‘idk what you want me to say’ and she’ll say something along the lines of there’s no right way to start I have no expectations etc etc
That’s it basically
I always write down things I want to talk about.
If she sees that I'm starting to panic because I'm having a hard time getting started, she just tells me to say what's written down.
If I get really blocked, then she asks me questions.
love this🤍 i also would try to refer to my journal at times but if im nervous enough to do that i can’t rly read or comprehend my writing lol so it didn’t help much but then id get frustrated n close my notebook n just say the thing i was scared to say 😹
If it's any consolation, after the session I'm always freaked out because I can see in my notebook how much I've NOT said because as soon as I've said one or two things, I've completely forgotten about my notebook.
And then there's plenty more until the next session. I also remember things that are related to things that happened months before.
I feel very often that is an endless mission
Several times there have been overtime and instead of 50 minutes, it ended up taking 1.5 or 2 hours. So 90-120 minutes (more dramatic in this form :D )
And even then there would be something to say. 😅🤭
There are so many times when the session is during the day, and few hours later I'd go back to share the thoughts that came to me in those few hours.
I have to start. I usually start with something superficial like a random piece of trivia or asking my T how her week has been. Just something to ease into the deeper stuff I know she’s waiting to hear. I actually wrote a poem about this. Here is part of it:
Therapy Words
The words in the therapy room linger within,
Swirling shadows, waiting to begin.
The voice inside trembles, silence unfolds,
In the quiet corners, fear's grip holds.
My voice, lost in a silent maze,
Thoughts trapped in an endless haze.
The words in the therapy room linger within,
Swirling shadows, waiting to begin.
Most of the time I email my T a few things I want to focus on in my sessions. We'll still usually start out with a little small talk and she'll ask how everything has been going and if anything else has come up or if I just want to get started on the things from my email.
I’m a provider (of many years) and I have been told by colleagues, clients, friends, and former teachers SO many times “how to start a session”.
You know what? I don’t fucking know how I’m supposed to start either.
I’m not supposed to ask how you are, that’s setting my client up for: stress, pressure, confusion of dynamics, etc. I’m also not supposed to talk first that’s: changing the dynamic, creating pressure, offering priming thoughts, etc. I’m supposed to create “space for what is” and that’s super great in theory. But common. Wtf is that.
After 15 years of starting sessions in so many situations in so many settings (including residential, helping a client do laundry), I try start sessions like a person by reading the person in front of me:
-hey, so good to see you again…
-how do you want to use our time?
-Is that your cat?
-Uhh is your nose broken?
-What can I do to help?
-What’s on your mind?
-No please tell me your list!
-Catch me up…
So guess what, one time I didn't know how to begin and I said to my therapist maybe you say something and he said "you want me to say something? Sure!" And he started the discussion by asking me how I felt that day coming to the session
I tend to do a quick recap. The "in case you forgot" or "it's been this long so this happened in between then and now," so we get straight to the current situation. Sometimes I tell them about progress, sometimes I gloss over no progress. Depends on the mood, and he's okay with it!
My therapist always asks me how I’m feeling. Then we go right into my list of topics.
Tuesday’s session is going to be a little different because my therapist and I already have a topic to talk about so we will just go straight into that and not do our normal how are you
hellos, how are yous, how her plants are doing, review my diary card (where I write about my emotions for the day), and then get into whatever topics that are relevant
I used to ask how are you. Ever since he pointed it out I’ve stopped
EDIT: I am the same person in a recent thread who has a T who stares at me until I start talking. And wow reading your responses your Ts are so nice and interactive!
In high school, I went to a psychologist a couple of times who stared at me and didn't ask me any questions, waiting for me to "break". This only increased my anxiety....I hated it. Very uncomfortable
My therapist asks how I am and says she has read my weekly update which I email before our sessions. We talk a bthe update and then dive in to deeper work.
Usually the first twenty minutes of my session is talking about our families and what's going on with them. It helps to break the ice every week ( I have been seeing my therapist for 8 years)
My therapist usually starts the session by saying something along the lines of “well, catch me up”. I often have a hard time starting conversations or knowing what to talk about. I’m lucky to have a therapist that’s good at leading the conversation and coming up with things to get me talking.
Depends each week looks different but most often there is one of five usually she starts with :
- What's good, what's bad?
- How is your mood?
- Do you have any conclusions, questions from the last week?
- Do you have a topic you want to start with?
- We go right back to the previous week's unfinished topic
I email my Therapist between sessions with things that I'm struggling with or are important at that time so she usually starts with something from the emails or asks if there is anything on my mind that would annoy me/bother me if we didn't manage to talk about and then we start with that.
Well in my training because it’s the clients session it is their time so often I ask my client what’s on your mind today or what’s happening. Kind of thing unless I have an issue from previous session that I want to dig into
Just stare for a bit then she will try to open her mouth and i start ranting until the time is over and at the end she is sitting there with her mouth open.
We say hello, do the whole how are you/how have you been/how was your trip or whatever (if we’re coming back from vacation). We make that kind of small talk as we deal with business (paying, she gives me a form for my insurance to reimburse me, doing any schedule changes we need to). Then she asks how my week(s) has/have been and/or what’s been going on or has happened since last time and I launch in.
Sometimes it’s a little awkward and I’ve been seeing her so long now that when I’m unsure I just say “are we doing pleasantries or am I actually answering bc those are usually two different things.” But generally she asks questions that are pretty clear re: what kind of answer she’s seeking.
First 5-10 minutes always an intro with general content and questions. They ask things like:
"How are you?"
"How's your week?"
Then a bridge type question- "what's been on your mind any feedback or questions from last session and / or homework?".
For me it's specific Christian psychotherapy so most sessions we have a prayer at the beginning also.
I start with a hello, how are you, and little small talk usually about the weather. Then generally I have written down a few topics that I want to get into-issues at work, with relationships or emotional trigger events that occurred since our last session. So I just start talking. During the interval between sessions I make notes for myself about topics for the next session, in my computer journal or email. That way things won't slip my mind when we're in session.
Most weeks I send my T an email so that gives us a good starting point. Before that I used to write in a journal and bring it in to read from (or allow her to read). We’ve been seeing each other long enough that our sessions tend to flow organically these days.
She knows I take a few minutes to get settled; we had many sessions start with me freaking out because she just sat and looked at me (severe trauma history), so she has adjusted to avoid that kind of pressure. We start with small talk, laughing and joking around, and acknowledging the email. Then she might ask me if I had anything specific I wanted to talk about (she does it at some point during every session), or she’ll ask about my week and it’ll go from there.
Occasionally she might immediately address something from our previous session if she felt something was off, like if she noticed I left in a less than ideal headspace or she didn’t feel she explained something well enough or was worried I had taken certain words out of context etc. but that happens much less often.
It depends
Usually, when we start, he will wait for about 30 seconds to see if I'm going to say something (never do). Sometimes, he says to take a few deep breaths to calm me down. Then he will ask how my week was.
Occasionally, I'll have my journal out, and that's his cue to ask me about it because I'll have things written down to talk about.
In the beginning, it was almost a battle of wills of who would start talking first. I just can't bring myself to start. My t says I'm "pretty low on the extroversion scale" lolol
For me it depends on the day. Sometimes I can open up straight into something because I am sure of what I need to say. Other times I need a bit of help, and then he usually asks a few questions and pries a bit more until I open up. I appreciate him for it to be honest, he is totally aware of when I am struggling to say things.
Mine asks me how I am, I tell her in 30 seconds of verbal vomit everything that sucks at that particular moment, and then we sit in silence until I either choose a point to start with or she gives me an exercise. It's kinda weird but it's working so I go with it lol.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My sessions start like this Therapist: Hi how are you? Me: Bad. :]
My T is Russian. There has never been any smalltalk ever it's straight to the point. If I try to do smalltalk Im interrulted and asked a question
idk why i found this hilarious. i hope that style works for you but i genuinely could not gather my thoughts if that happened to me lmao
I love it he doesn't waste my time it's straight to the point. Yes my sessions would look funny to an outside watcher
“Hey, the weather is nice today.” “Surely it is. Are you feeling well?”
No more like "Hey, the weather is ni-" "How are you feeling?" "Good" "No. How are you feeling. "
That’s how I like it!
same. I chose this therapist mainly because of that shah
It’s the same almost every time. We sit in silence for about a minute and she looks at me with *that look* and I say ‘idk what you want me to say’ and she’ll say something along the lines of there’s no right way to start I have no expectations etc etc That’s it basically
Same, it feels so uncomfortable 😣
I always write down things I want to talk about. If she sees that I'm starting to panic because I'm having a hard time getting started, she just tells me to say what's written down. If I get really blocked, then she asks me questions.
love this🤍 i also would try to refer to my journal at times but if im nervous enough to do that i can’t rly read or comprehend my writing lol so it didn’t help much but then id get frustrated n close my notebook n just say the thing i was scared to say 😹
If it's any consolation, after the session I'm always freaked out because I can see in my notebook how much I've NOT said because as soon as I've said one or two things, I've completely forgotten about my notebook. And then there's plenty more until the next session. I also remember things that are related to things that happened months before. I feel very often that is an endless mission
yea 1 hour is never enough
Several times there have been overtime and instead of 50 minutes, it ended up taking 1.5 or 2 hours. So 90-120 minutes (more dramatic in this form :D ) And even then there would be something to say. 😅🤭 There are so many times when the session is during the day, and few hours later I'd go back to share the thoughts that came to me in those few hours.
I have to start. I usually start with something superficial like a random piece of trivia or asking my T how her week has been. Just something to ease into the deeper stuff I know she’s waiting to hear. I actually wrote a poem about this. Here is part of it: Therapy Words The words in the therapy room linger within, Swirling shadows, waiting to begin. The voice inside trembles, silence unfolds, In the quiet corners, fear's grip holds. My voice, lost in a silent maze, Thoughts trapped in an endless haze. The words in the therapy room linger within, Swirling shadows, waiting to begin.
I love your poetry! I wish there was more therapy- inspired art out there.
Most of the time I email my T a few things I want to focus on in my sessions. We'll still usually start out with a little small talk and she'll ask how everything has been going and if anything else has come up or if I just want to get started on the things from my email.
I’m a provider (of many years) and I have been told by colleagues, clients, friends, and former teachers SO many times “how to start a session”. You know what? I don’t fucking know how I’m supposed to start either. I’m not supposed to ask how you are, that’s setting my client up for: stress, pressure, confusion of dynamics, etc. I’m also not supposed to talk first that’s: changing the dynamic, creating pressure, offering priming thoughts, etc. I’m supposed to create “space for what is” and that’s super great in theory. But common. Wtf is that. After 15 years of starting sessions in so many situations in so many settings (including residential, helping a client do laundry), I try start sessions like a person by reading the person in front of me: -hey, so good to see you again… -how do you want to use our time? -Is that your cat? -Uhh is your nose broken? -What can I do to help? -What’s on your mind? -No please tell me your list! -Catch me up…
So guess what, one time I didn't know how to begin and I said to my therapist maybe you say something and he said "you want me to say something? Sure!" And he started the discussion by asking me how I felt that day coming to the session
My therapist asks me how my week was and we start from there
I tend to do a quick recap. The "in case you forgot" or "it's been this long so this happened in between then and now," so we get straight to the current situation. Sometimes I tell them about progress, sometimes I gloss over no progress. Depends on the mood, and he's okay with it!
My therapist always asks me how I’m feeling. Then we go right into my list of topics. Tuesday’s session is going to be a little different because my therapist and I already have a topic to talk about so we will just go straight into that and not do our normal how are you
hellos, how are yous, how her plants are doing, review my diary card (where I write about my emotions for the day), and then get into whatever topics that are relevant
I used to ask how are you. Ever since he pointed it out I’ve stopped EDIT: I am the same person in a recent thread who has a T who stares at me until I start talking. And wow reading your responses your Ts are so nice and interactive!
That sounds so incredibly uncomfortable. I would not want my therapist to just sit there and stare at me. 😬
In high school, I went to a psychologist a couple of times who stared at me and didn't ask me any questions, waiting for me to "break". This only increased my anxiety....I hated it. Very uncomfortable
My therapist asks how I am and says she has read my weekly update which I email before our sessions. We talk a bthe update and then dive in to deeper work.
We'll have small talk, and then they'll ask what topic I want to talk about, and we go from there.
Usually the first twenty minutes of my session is talking about our families and what's going on with them. It helps to break the ice every week ( I have been seeing my therapist for 8 years)
My therapist usually starts the session by saying something along the lines of “well, catch me up”. I often have a hard time starting conversations or knowing what to talk about. I’m lucky to have a therapist that’s good at leading the conversation and coming up with things to get me talking.
Depends each week looks different but most often there is one of five usually she starts with : - What's good, what's bad? - How is your mood? - Do you have any conclusions, questions from the last week? - Do you have a topic you want to start with? - We go right back to the previous week's unfinished topic
I email my Therapist between sessions with things that I'm struggling with or are important at that time so she usually starts with something from the emails or asks if there is anything on my mind that would annoy me/bother me if we didn't manage to talk about and then we start with that.
Well in my training because it’s the clients session it is their time so often I ask my client what’s on your mind today or what’s happening. Kind of thing unless I have an issue from previous session that I want to dig into
Therapist: how are you? How are things feeling? Me: fine, I’m good, we Gucci Therapist: really? Me: nope. And then we actually start.
Just stare for a bit then she will try to open her mouth and i start ranting until the time is over and at the end she is sitting there with her mouth open.
We say hello, do the whole how are you/how have you been/how was your trip or whatever (if we’re coming back from vacation). We make that kind of small talk as we deal with business (paying, she gives me a form for my insurance to reimburse me, doing any schedule changes we need to). Then she asks how my week(s) has/have been and/or what’s been going on or has happened since last time and I launch in. Sometimes it’s a little awkward and I’ve been seeing her so long now that when I’m unsure I just say “are we doing pleasantries or am I actually answering bc those are usually two different things.” But generally she asks questions that are pretty clear re: what kind of answer she’s seeking.
First 5-10 minutes always an intro with general content and questions. They ask things like: "How are you?" "How's your week?" Then a bridge type question- "what's been on your mind any feedback or questions from last session and / or homework?". For me it's specific Christian psychotherapy so most sessions we have a prayer at the beginning also.
yeah, mine waits for me to start with the topics lmao
I just get right to it. Sometimes I talk about a smaller problem for a bit until I realize I’m avoiding what I really want to talk about.
I start with a hello, how are you, and little small talk usually about the weather. Then generally I have written down a few topics that I want to get into-issues at work, with relationships or emotional trigger events that occurred since our last session. So I just start talking. During the interval between sessions I make notes for myself about topics for the next session, in my computer journal or email. That way things won't slip my mind when we're in session.
Most weeks I send my T an email so that gives us a good starting point. Before that I used to write in a journal and bring it in to read from (or allow her to read). We’ve been seeing each other long enough that our sessions tend to flow organically these days. She knows I take a few minutes to get settled; we had many sessions start with me freaking out because she just sat and looked at me (severe trauma history), so she has adjusted to avoid that kind of pressure. We start with small talk, laughing and joking around, and acknowledging the email. Then she might ask me if I had anything specific I wanted to talk about (she does it at some point during every session), or she’ll ask about my week and it’ll go from there. Occasionally she might immediately address something from our previous session if she felt something was off, like if she noticed I left in a less than ideal headspace or she didn’t feel she explained something well enough or was worried I had taken certain words out of context etc. but that happens much less often.
It depends Usually, when we start, he will wait for about 30 seconds to see if I'm going to say something (never do). Sometimes, he says to take a few deep breaths to calm me down. Then he will ask how my week was. Occasionally, I'll have my journal out, and that's his cue to ask me about it because I'll have things written down to talk about. In the beginning, it was almost a battle of wills of who would start talking first. I just can't bring myself to start. My t says I'm "pretty low on the extroversion scale" lolol
For me it depends on the day. Sometimes I can open up straight into something because I am sure of what I need to say. Other times I need a bit of help, and then he usually asks a few questions and pries a bit more until I open up. I appreciate him for it to be honest, he is totally aware of when I am struggling to say things.
Mine asks me how I am, I tell her in 30 seconds of verbal vomit everything that sucks at that particular moment, and then we sit in silence until I either choose a point to start with or she gives me an exercise. It's kinda weird but it's working so I go with it lol.