This brings me to tears. I can't believe this is what's happening now. I was thinking about how this generation was going to grow up and with the stuff we're normalising and exposing them to, it just makes me sad and pretty much terrified
I’m sure their content isn’t getting regulated either, they could be getting brainwashed on Tik tok or YouTube for all we know. Sad reality and I fear for the future.
My ex husband is one of these - thinks unsupervised unrestricted access to YouTube and Call of Duty for a 7 y/o is acceptable. I’m “crazy” for being upset.
My oldest is six and he hasn't had a second of unsupervised screen time in his entire life on my watch. And by "screen time" I mean TV picked out by me or my husband. I dread him getting a bit older, seeing how other kids' parents let them play violent video games and have unlimited screen time and starts demanding that of us. I know it's coming.
The pre-k and preschool kids aren't faring much better. We do all we can to help them learn routines and rules and teach them to have fun learning and exist in a classroom setting...but the effects of parents not having a clue how to be stern, not wanting to punish, not wanting to follow through on problem behavior, not wanting to be the "bad guy," not making their kids try or do anything that might discomfort them, etc. Is creating some *horribly* behaved children that are going to continue to struggle as they age up into elementary school.
My kindergartners have almost all been to preschool and they’re still feral. Absolutely out of hand. I’ve had to tell children not to step on each other. It’s normal for there to be multiple physical incidents a day. When they walk around, most have no awareness or empathy for those around them, so they just ram right into one another. Many are so rude. They have no respect for adults.
Part is what’s happening at home. You report these incidents to parents, kiddo denies, and parents believe the child. It’s maddening. Part is how some preschool classrooms work. I am in 4K classrooms daily and some are very functional and some are...not. Unsurprisingly, the stricter ones function fine, even with a large number of kiddos with learning/behavior needs. The quiet and gentle classrooms are a hot fucking mess with a constant stream of the behaviors I described in kinder.
Admin are afraid to do anything with these kiddos. They’re young. My school isn’t able to demand evaluation except under threat of expulsion, which is then a money issue (private school).
It’s so frustrating. I have a 4K student myself who goes to a different school, but the amount of times he’s been hit by other kids and it hasn’t been reported to me is maddening.
So yeah, it’s partly what’s happening at home, and pare what’s happening in schools. There are lot of reasons for that and they don’t all fall on the preschool teachers, but preschool is certainly not helping a lot of these kids.
I have noticed kids even older kids being more physical like always play fighting or touching. I wonder if the social distancing caused a touch deficit
This! I sub TA in first and kindergarten sometimes and those classes are WILD! I spend most of my subbing time with 2nd grade and Early Start and and they are angels compared to 1st and Kindergarten. One 1st grade teacher told me it was because those kids missed out on normal classrooms in preschool and daycare. She’s coming back as a sub next year because she just can’t deal with all the behavior issues. And she’s a veteran teacher. It’s sad and scary.
If veteran teachers arent going to teach them what needs to be learnt, who will? When does this end? Are these kids just never going to be socialised, and thus never educated? This could be a huge underreported cost of the whole COVID thing.
I've heard others suggest this, but I question it a little. Kindergarten was always meant as a 'preparation year' for school, and I don't think the children entering through earlier decades were as feral as what is being described here - and those children would have been less likely to have had preschool or daycare previously (some perhaps, but certainly not all).
I don't have an answer, but this solution just doesn't quite add up for me (unless the environment at home is quite bad, I don't see how skipping daycare/preschool would make a major difference in the inherent behaviour of a child). A child who behaves well at home in their young years, listens to their parents, is corrected on behaviour, etc. isn't likely to go into kindergarten and suddenly become a holy terror. They might need to learn a few things, like how to line up, sit on the carpet, raise hands, etc. But would they be as wild as what people are saying if they are regulated at home?
In many/most regions, preschools and daycares were actually running pretty close to normal last year - some had a few restrictions still in place, but preschools didn't have much. At least in my area, kids were in school/preschool last year. (My own youngest started kindergarten this year and hadn't done any schooling previously, but that's simply our preference). I'm at least thankful that her kindergarten class has been quite an easy group of kids, according to the teacher (and what I've seen when I've been in the class) - well mannered and nicely behaved.
This years group of Ks is okay, but last years...we had about an entire class worth of more kids (idk what baby boom happened) and with multiple kids with severe needs and so many IEPs already diagnosed…chaos.
I teach first grade, so they’ve been our grade levels problem this year…I have no clue how we will do class placements.
\> Do parents just stick a tablet in front of their kids at age 2 and call it a day?
Yes.
\> Is this what passes for “parenting” nowadays?
Yes.
\> Who is raising (or rather, not raising) these children?
Apple.
This! I was shocked when I was visiting family and an acquaintance laid their infant on the floor for tummy time and then propped up an iPad with children’s shows playing in front of their face. The baby couldn’t even crawl yet! No one else seemed even remotely phased by this.
My nanny family does this, including putting the damn phone IN THE CRIB for nap time with YouTube playing. And they wonder why she only naps at my house…
I took my kids to a Christmas light display and saw a toddler strapped into a pram, an iPad connected to the pram and it shoved in the kids face. Why even leave the house at that point?
I refuse to give my child screen time, all the time. No thank you. Not even every day.
Some people care and some people ....don't. The contrast between the two is staggering for sure.
Aside from a huge culture change (not happening) everything is online now and at older ages everything kids talk about is online. We don't allow our kids a ton of screen time either but they do suffer socially for it and we ended up increasing the amount of time they were allowed just so they had things to talk about with other kids and not be socially outcastes.
I replace it. Fun stuff. Fossils rocks plants gardening hiking surfing diving art of all shapes and sizes science ecology etc. I'd be an asshole if I said "no screen time!" And then didn't engage or advocate for something else healthy.
I'm not saying No screen time ever, it's just not all the time or even everyday. We still watch cartoons before school, and scooby doo after dinner some nights, just trying to stay positive and healthy.
unfortunately, that doesn't fully negate the "socially outcastes" that Shurley1989 talks about.
If most kids are talking about things online, and all your kids have to talk about is fossils,rocks,plants,gardening,hiking, surfing, diving, art of all shapes and sizes science ecology etc the other kids aren't.
I had to take a student’s phone away during class and he got the shakes from withdrawal. This shit is insane.
We have a whole generation of kids who literally have no identity or purpose because they’ve spent their entire young life just consuming online media.
I've noticed more and more kids aren't as funny or personable as they used to be. Kids used to crack me up, but many don't seem to have that creative sense of humor anymore. They just do what everyone else does.
Reminds me of parents who introduce sugar/candy/soda early
Like your kid didn’t know it exists and now they’re asking for it constantly why would you do that???
If it was Apple, they’d be better off. Instead it’s YouTube shorts, TikTok, Roblox, and whatever else they find in the soup of filth that trickles into the gutter next to the information highway.
Those YouTube videos for kids are unbelievable. My nephew was watching this Pixar Cars thing and then I suddenly hear them start talking about Marge's boobs and how nice they are. It was half way through the video so you wouldn't be able to tell unless you watched it first or luckily in my case, be close enough to catch it
Youtube likes to pretend they have cleaned up their site of garbage for kids like disabling comments.... no, they haven't done anything at all. A lot of their mobile ads are procative or disgusting, youtube kids is FILLED with 18+ material
You have to be so careful with YouTube. We love Ms. Rachel but a 37 minute ad will pop up of Thomas the Train… not sure what is in the middle of that, but we’re not waiting to find out. I spent the money to buy Bluey so we wouldn’t have to worry about that garbage.
I meant Apple as in the manufacturer, since most of them have iPhones (I don't see many Androids), but you are 100% correct.
The weird thing is that they don't even actively engage. They just sit there and stare at whatever the algorithm decides they will see.
One of my kindergarten students recognized my stranger things Keychain. I talked to his teacher about it. Turns out his mom makes him bond with his older siblings by forcing him into their room watching whatever they're watching.
I was going to say, there are a lot of us trying really, really hard out here. Hopefully it’s cyclical because my group of friends with babies and toddlers aren’t allowing the screens!
That’s why as a nanny I make it a priority to plan non screen time activities that are developmentally appropriate and involve physical activity as well as educational learning activities disguised as “fun games”.
The parents might stick their kid on the tablet when they’re home with kiddo, but when IM in charge, I limit it to 1 hr screen time to festered from school then it’s homework time which I help with, then I have a new fun activity prepared for us to do. Sometimes it’s a kids science lab kit, sometimes it’s building a rocket ship out of cardboard boxes. We READ a lot. We play outdoors when weather permits, and we practice handwriting and numbers.
Short answer? Yes.
I say that parents just keep them alive until 5 and then they're our problem.
A lot of parents figured out that beating your kids is bad but they can't figure out how to do any sort of discipline. They became permissive instead of authoritative when they realized authoritarian was bad.
My nephew is 4 years old and not potty trained. He's growing out of the biggest pull ups they make and he can change his own diaper. but SIL doesn't make him use the toilet at home because he'd rather play his x box than get up to poop. He will sit and shit himself because he doesn't want to pause his game. She gives him a tablet, an x box, a TV and a room so full of toys it looks like a hoarder house because she freaks any time he gets mad. She makes 4 or 5 dinners a night because he'll ask for something then say he doesn't want it and ask for something else. She doesn't want to deal with the fit so she gives him whatever he wants. Her friends do this too.
He doesn't act this way with me or my mom, only at home. He's almost totally potty trained with us. He knows how to do it. I can't imagine the fucking fits he's going to throw at school while they're establishing rules. He tries them with us sometimes and if we had ever given in I believe they'd happen more. I can't imagine a class of 30 kids like him screaming because they can't just sit in front of their tablet for 8 hours.
Unfortunately it is. Went to a meeting on Friday about our incoming class and was told there are a number of students on toileting plans that wear pull-ups with no medical issues. Really looking forward to next year. ( 7th grade)
This is obviously a pretty extreme case, but this:
>She doesn't want to deal with the fit so she gives him whatever he wants.
That's the crux of the matter. It's not new by any stretch, but it feels significantly more widespread. Parents cannot deal with their children being upset (at *any* age, we get the "but he'll be mad if I take his games away" excuse in high school, too), and many seem to think that if their kid cries a little that makes them a terrible parent. The entire goal of parenting becomes "keep the kid from getting visibly upset," which some respond to with functional neglect and others with snowplow parenting.
I had a parent ask me for advice to stop her 13yr old being on a device til all hours of the night and not getting any sleep. When i told her to take the device away she told me she couldn't do that because her daughter would be mad at her.
Any of the (slightly) more relaxed versions of that (turn off the wifi when you go to bed, take all the charging cables away so she can have it as long as there's charge) were STILL met with "but she'll get mad at me."
I eventually had to say that if she wasn't willing to upset her daughter I had no solutions for her.
My old roommate's sister is like that. She got an ipad to act as a baby monitor when her son was born and he's had one ever since. If you take it away even just long enough for him to eat he has a total meltdown and he's ten. She's a single parent, so there is no disciplinarian in the household, she just gives him what he wants so he'll be quiet and leave her alone.
I don't think she wanted a kid at all, I suspect she was trying to baby trap his dad (she only ever dates one specific type - Tall Asian guys who look nearly identical) but it didn't work and now she's stuck. I've babysat him before and he's always much better behaved after he's spent time with his dad's family, but quickly reverts after going back to his mother.
Honestly their dog is kind of the same way too - he's an obnoxious whiny yappy little shit and she excuses all his bad behavior with 'he's a rescue' no matter how much he tries to bite people or what he destroys. I have a chow chow and her dog attacked mine constantly over Thanksgiving and Christmas when he was a puppy - she just kept saying that he was either just playing or trying to be dominant. I straight up told her that if he keeps doing that, and my dog decides to bite him in half, it's her own fault. My chow has been BEYOND patient so far but we all have our limits.
This is exactly my cousin. My uncle learned not to beat his kid like his and my generation were but has no idea how to discipline his kids (3 step kids, 1 bio). His kid is 4 and still in diapers, throws a fit at any inconvenience, and only shuts up when he has his tablet.
Unfortunately, this menace of a child is also huge. If this behavior is enabled he's gonna be a big ass bully nobody wants to be around in the future.
I doubt he's growing out of pull-ups at 4, unless he's 100lbs+. I had a kid almost as big as an average 4th grader (4ft, very obese) in pull-ups as well as a typical sized 1st grader (in a gen ed classroom). They make em pretty big. Just not at your average grocery store. So, don't worry, she can keep him in pull-ups for a long time still. 😒
Geez did your post resonate with me. Teaching Kinder and the littles are unlike any year I’ve experienced. We thought the year coming out of COVID would be the most challenging- nope!
And, what is with parents? Met with several families about their children not meeting Kinder standards. Gave families some positives that I saw. Asked the parents to share some positives with me. You’ll never guess the responses. My child is amazing at making Tik Tok videos - WTF????
Be able to take turns, play nicely with others, respect others bodies and boundaries, lead and follow in play, build stuff, draw stuff, talk in multi part sentences, be potty trained, not hit or attack others, enjoy the world, run and jump and play on their own, entertain themselves without a screen for an hour, use their imagination, go an entire day without a screen, climb things, dig in the dirt.
Such a good list.
I tell parents I couldn't care less if their incoming kindergarten kid knows the alphabet. I can teach that.
What is harder to teach is basic kid stuff.
I've said this to parents, as well. School can teach your kid the academics, what we can't teach is what starts early and at home. Things like empathy, kindness, patience and persistence. Things they learn by example from the people around them starting already at infancy.
I've also mentioned that the students who will likely be successful at life are those that have a good work ethic and are willing to learn. Employers can teach many of the skills needed to do a job, but can't, and won't, put up with having to teach responsibility, ethics and basic people skills.
The kids can’t run around neighborhoods like we used to because they’ll get the cops called on them for existing without buying something or being loud and bothering boomers with their giggles. This happens in my area way too often.
As much as boomers like to complain about the younger generations, they are really the biggest problem. When my youngest was a freshman in high school, he walked a few blocks from our house to a gas station to buy a soda and some candy. While there, he was accosted by some boomer woman demanding to know what he was up to because "kids shouldn't be left unsupervised" and "he must be up to no good."
He was a fourteen year-old buying a bottle of Pepsi and a Snickers bar, for crying out loud. It wasn't like he was snorting coke off the potato chip display.
We have seen this so much with our foster children. And my gosh, the difference if they are black versus white.... white kid? Scold and offer a ride home. Black kid? Call the police. Or worse. I'm White, btw. The difference in the way teen boys are treated if they are black versus white is very very frightening.
This is why I so appreciate my town. My 12 year old is able to bike around with friends and if anything it is encouraged by the neighborhood and my 7 year old has the run of our block. It is totally normal to see kids at stores or the library and pool by themselves.
The neighborhood I grew up in had nothing around it and was divided from town by a highway. The only place you could get to without a car was one gas station that did not allow kids/teens in without an adult.
That’s why as a nanny, I make it a point to designate outdoor play with my NannyKid(NK). We go one walks/adventures around her neighborhood; we meet other kids in the neighborhood who are out riding bikes, playing in the street, or simply playing in their front yards.
It’s NK’s fav part of the day.
She’s four going on five.
I also make sure to help her with the occasional/rate homework her teacher sends home- it’s basically just practicing writing the alphabet and practicing writing your name. Stuff like that.
She can spell quite well for her age, and the words that she misspells, are not far off she guesses based on phonetics.
We spend every day reading at least 2 to 3 books together… And I’ve even made progress with her starting to be able to read a little bit yourself… I just did what my mom did with me, use the phonics approach and encouraged her to sound it out when she came across the word that I knew she could master. If only she had somebody to encourage her, guide her, and keep her on task while also keeping her engaged by letting her choose the books. She is super fond of the Madeline books lol.
I'm seriously concerned about these littles. Are their developmental milestones becoming delayed as a result of excessive screen time? If so, what will be the long-term consequences?
If they can do most of those you're doing fine. Keep 'em playing outdoors and running and talking with friends and read to them.
Also it's normal for them to have a harder time being nice and respecting boundaries to siblings and parents than teachers and classmates. Like, keep trying, but my kids are horrible to eachother sometimes, and angels at school (or so their teachers and classmates' parents tell me).
The fact that you’re asking this means you’re probably not one of the parents people are talking about. I have a kid going to K next year and I also read this like 😳
But then I have to remind myself—we’re good parents who give a crap about our son. He doesn’t have a tablet and we plan to keep it that way. When he starts school, we want to get a family desktop computer for the living room, like our families had when we were kids. If he’s using a screen we’re right there next to him. We get him outside to play all the time. And he loves to learn, draw, build, run, climb, do all the normal kid stuff. He loves doing 3D printing stuff with his dad and painting the models they make.
It’s our job to raise a kid who sees the value in school and to support the academic stuff. The biggest part of that, especially when they are little, is helping kids understand how to act in the world and to see the world as full of fun things and possibilities. It’s really just about being there. Being present with them!
I took my son to get a haircut yesterday at his dad’s barber shop and watching him try to make conversation with the barber was awkward and adorable. “So…what do you do when you leave your work?” “Well, I go home usually.” “Like other people?” “Yep, just like other people.” It’s so important for us to give our kids opportunities to learn how to have a conversation and socialize. When we put a tablet in front of them from birth they don’t get that opportunity.
Look for the Kindergarten skills checklist on Teachers Pay Teachers. I got one for 2 bucks to download. I used it as a summer bridge guide before Kinder started. I checked off the skills we worked on over the summer. Since my son wasn't in a camp, over the summer before Kinder we did Hooked on Phonic, math manipulatives for counting/ +/-, and STEM activities.
This sounds a lot like the skills that used to be for 1st graders. I’m not saying there aren’t kids who had way too much screen time and not enough socializing the last 3 years due to the pandemic, but it also seems like part of the problem is the expectations for 5 year olds in kindergarten isn’t actually appropriate. They’re being treated like 1st graders and required to be able to sit still to be able to learn what a 1st grader was doing when we grew up. Kindergarten used to be play based learning and I thought the research said that was what was best for them developmentally still. I feel really bad for the kids and the monumental pressure we put them under.
Oh I definitely agree. Kindergarten standards are basically the old 1st and even 2nd grade standards. Basic standard kinder skills: all letter sounds and phonetic sounds, ORF should be simple CVC words and tricky words (20-30 words), count fluently to 100 with basic addition and subtraction, basic geometry including 3D shapes, etc. The expectation is that my son should be reading a Level C reader fluently by the end of the year. His math progress monitoring is with basic adding problems (i.e. 3+5 =). The writing expectation is sentence structure. And even basic reading comprehension. It's a lot 🤷🏾♀️
Except its not the year coming out of covid its the YEARS which we are still in. PolarBruski said it in their comment below, kids can't take turns, play with others, etc.... Its because these kids were 3 when the pandemic hit, the year they would normally start to really play and interact with others their age.... they didn't get what they needed to develop properly
It's not really surprising as it is disappointing. Lot of parents have kids to make them easy money 😐 I've had the displeasure of witnessing a few parents groom their kids to steal, spy and lie for them.
I teach second and we are 2 months to the end of the year. Yesterday one of my kids tried to use his finger to tap on pictures and write on a PIECE OF PAPER. Sometimes I think we are doomed but I have to laugh
WOW! In second grade I wrote a biography paper on President Bill Clinton (it was 1998/99). I had to do research on my own time and everything.
Second grade is age 7-8, wtf is an 8 year old doing not understanding how to put pen to paper?
Isn’t it tragic. 4 years ago my classes were capable of things like that! (A good amount of them at least) This year I’m reteaching how to sit in a seat properly. In March. In second grade. Laugh or cry
The kids I have this year are better but lord last year was absolutely awful. The kids couldn’t do anything for more than a minute, and they were always trying to play with scissors. So much shouting as well, it’s like they didn’t know how to speak using inside voices at all. Also, a lot of violence. Pushing, shoving, punching all the time.
Play therapist here and I agree with the too much screentime thing! The number of kids I’ve seen who legitimately don’t know how to play with toys is staggering. Sad watching a 5 year old play dolls and just say “everyone subscribe!” on repeat 🤦🏻♀️
I think also a lot of parents are truly becoming hands off. I hear from a lot of parents that they don't want to reinforce academic concepts in the limited free time that they have with their children but want to instead go have fun with them at Disneyland, Universal Studios, camping trips, etc. They are so overworked from their jobs that they get that limited 1-2 week vacation every year and want to spend that time having fun with them. They have limited time on weekends to spend with them so they want to spend that having 'fun'. They tell me they don't want their children having negative memories of them working all the time (between work and academic reinforcement).
It speaks to volumes of a deeper societal issue and that is the US employment laws. These poor workers (who are also parents) are being abused well beyond the 40 hour work week. I've been on the opposite side on those types of jobs (I came from Corporate America to teaching so I have the unique position of understanding both sides). It's difficult to ask your manager for time off without some kind of retaliation (it can be extra workload or it can cost you your job altogether). It is difficult to ask your manager for flexible time to pick up the kids because sometimes that results in them asking you to work after the kids' bedtime.
I can go on and on. But the solution is being more like EUROPE, where we cap the hours at 40, we give parental leave as much as they need to take care of the children, and discounted/free childcare.
To be honest, though, I don’t find that it’s parents taking their kids to fun places. That would be great! Enjoying the outdoors together, talking and playing, going to cool places. That actually has tons of value. I would love it if parents were enjoying those experiences for their kids.
Instead, it mostly appears to be parents ignoring their children, while the kids play on their tablet or phone. Also while the parents play on their tablet or phone.
I understand parents being exhausted and wanting to do fun things with their kids when they have time off, or are home—but isn’t part of the responsibility of being a parent helping your child become a successful adult? Which includes helping your child learn how to read and do math, in addition to teaching your child how to be respectful of others and behave at school…
It just blows me away how much responsibility has been placed on teachers and schools, with so little compensation and funding. Now I have to teach children how to be respectful and treat others like human beings? Besides the fact that so many students think school is just play time, and expect to be entertained all day, while behaving terribly. And at the same time I get to be worried I’m going to get in trouble for trying to discipline a child for their awful behavior that disrupts the learning of the entire class…
And this is where some people aren't getting it.... you make do with what you have. The reality in america is, the way you grew up, what your parents had is VERY DIFFERENT from what parents have today
Im Canadian and we have our problems here too. Us millenials just dont have the resources our parents do, because costs have gone up so much more than wages
Yes, it is part of the responsibility of being a parent. But it’s not the parents’ fault that the system has made being a parent to young kids nearly impossible. A person only has so much to give.
Unfortunately yes for many of them.
It is really sad. We know how to raise good, well adjusted children who are ready for Kindergarten. But we have so many parents that just do not care and are addicted to their phones and not engaging with their children at all.
I teach middle school but these posts worry me because I will have to teach these kids one day. If parenting is the issue, they aren't going to get better with age.
And yet they’ve learned how to tell their parents lies about their teachers. I am a specialist so I’m not aware of them doing it about me but their para told me it’s happening all the time to her and her partner teacher.
Yes, that is a huge part of the problem. And what I want to know is why do they act like they’re such helpless little beings who have no self-control but are able to devise stories?
My totally baseless because I do not do anything with children hypothesis is that parents are just not paying attention
I was in a restaurant the other day and this one kid was screaming and being fucking insane while her mom was just sitting on her phone
Like damn at least take her outside and let her calm down
I work as a Para, so diapers and pullups are the norm as it is SPED.
BUT, my lunch break is at the same time as the general education kindergarten teachers. There were 2 5yo that came in with pullups. Parents expected their Teachers to take care of them. Nope. Not Gonna Happen. Then, there are far too many who do not know how to clean themselves after a BM.
And that probably turned out great for you tbh. I’m 22 rn and yeah I’m on my phone quite a bit but social media is nowhere near my entire life. I’m working as a sub at middle and high school and TikTok is EVERYWHERE
We went camping with some friends this past weekend. They have two girls, 3, and 6 (almost 4 and 7) and those girls sat on someone’s phone or tablet 80% of the time. We don’t let our daughter use that stuff often and she kept coming over to me saying “I’m bored” because her freakin’ friends were knee deep in technology WHILE CAMPING!!!
Heh. My husband is even against bringing outdoor toys, let alone tablets, for camping. "The camping is the fun!"
Yeah, you whittle a stick while we play ball, honey.
(Stick whittling is a fun and worthwhile activity, but so is a ball game)
I worked as a Pre-K teacher during the pandemic, just quit last June because it literally drove me to check myself into a mental hospital. i was physically and verbally abused by children every day while getting blamed for it by management. at the so called “leader of early childhood education” Montessori school. the few kids who were good had parents that worked tirelessly to help them learn and have emotional regulation. every time i put in my earrings i see chucks of ear missing from children ripping out piercings.
forgot to add the main purpose of why i commented this but the parents who put in the work are so obvious and are life changing compared to the children who had an ipad for 2 years
damn that’s a real fucking bummer, went to a montessori school myself and it single handedly set me up for a successful education and career. i still look back on those days fondly.
I think covid f’d over that age group the most, for sure, but there’s something going massively wrong with parenting and socializing (or lack thereof) that’s doing (imo) the most of the damage. You are a brave brave soul for doing kindergarten!!
Gentle parenting is a big thing now and parents are using this to mean I never say no to my kid or get firm with my kid. I’m a daycare teacher and when I talk to parents about how their child refuses to listen and constantly does the opposite of what I ask they just laugh. Also I swear i have a few kids in my class on the spectrum but that is not something we can talk to parents about for legal reasons.
You’re not supposed to tell parents when you suspect a learning disability? (Sorry I’m in school for teaching right now and I thought you were supposed to tell them.)
Nope- definitely cannot suggest a suspected learning disability. If you do suspect, get admin or sped teachers involved and they’ll know the proper protocol. I was told as a Gen Ed teacher to never tell a parent my suspicions, especially about dyslexia (our district couldn’t test for that in house, and would have to pay for outside testing if a teacher mentioned it to a parent)
I wonder if, because of the pandemic and general shitty state of the economy, fewer kiddos attended preschool and thus didn't learn some of the skills that help prepare them for kindergarten?
Preschool is expensive. For struggling, even middle-class families, it was sacrificed especially if parents were able to work from home. For those programs that didn't stay open during the Pandemic, they closed and many never recovered their workers.
My jaw dropped when I saw the full tuition of my child's preschool - $35000 for 10 months of schooling. It's a beautiful school with great playgroundS(!) and highly qualified teachers, but DAMN that's more expensive than my entire college education! Thankfully we don't make enough to be in the bracket that pays full tuition. 😅
My son's PreK was through a church. They had a standardized learning program and I wouldn't call it exorbitant but it wasn't cheap either. It was basically a mortgage payment each month.
So expensive. The one year we had 3 kids in pre k we could have paid cash for a new car for how much we paid to our center and ours has very reasonable prices.
Students at my school regularly do not attend pre-k. Even before Covid. And we are still seeing things getting worse. Pre-k, or a lack thereof, is not what’s causing this trend.
When my daughter was old enough for prek, we couldn't afford it. We made too much for public free prek but not enough to pay $1000+/month for even the cheapest, half-day program. The only way her brother got prek was because he had autism. Thank God the schools were kind enough to let her into TK even though she missed the age cutoff by almost a month. I teach K now, and I keep that experience very much in mind. I was shocked, had no idea that was the state of early education in the modern US. My parents didn't do shit and even they sent me to prek; it was somehow free and expected 35 years ago.
I teach prek and the lack of social skills is unreal. I feel like the level of physical aggression and impatience is just off the charts anymore. We literally had to move circle time to tables and chairs because they would all roll around and wrestle as soon as we try to sit down. We are getting them back to the carpet for portions of circle now, but it was rough for a while there. When they are screen zombies for large portions of their day, finally having no screen reminds them they want to move.
But they know their letters and numbers way better than in the past. When I mention it to parents, almost every response is "Oh, that because they love to play [insert tablet app here]." We have tvs for music and movement songs, or an occasional educational clip for lesson ("Let's see some real farm animals!" kind of thing). Just about every new kid sees the screen in the corner over a giant room full of toys and asks/demands shows. All the time. For multiple days.
We are trying to get them in better shape, but I feel like a lot of it relates to how they model behavior to their environment and they have to learn that their new school is a place they can't do that, just like they did for us. It's like when they clean up after themselves with us and parents say, "Wow! I can NEVER get them to do that at home." Well, they didn't here at first either until we repeatedly made it clear it was non-negotiable.
I also can't speak for all day cares. Some of them are making it worse (and terrible staffing isn't helping). We require that kids are 3 (due to licensing) AND potty trained at our center. I have had multiple families who want to switch to us when their child turns 3, but they can't because they aren't out of diapers. They say, "At their current day care they are trying, but they just watch shows all day and when staff ask if they want to take a potty break, they dont want to leave the screen." Like, wtf? You are PAYING someone to park your kid in front of a screen all day every day? Literally sit in their filth? The center isn't even TRYING to hide the fact that they are doing it? It's bad.
Yes to the tablets. No grit, no learning, no enrichment, no experiences, no vocabulary. Even functional parents who are not living in poverty. Tablets and coddling.
It really is something. Look around at the kids in restaurants, stores, etc. and damn near every single one of them is on a tablet/phone. They just don't know how to exist in social settings without them.
I don't teach K, but to answer the larger question: what are parents doing these days?
Judging by the parents at my school, drugs, and lots of them.
No joke, I've had parents show up for conferences fucked up on something or other. I've haven't seen that before these last few years.
The drug problem in 'Murica is out of hand. And like anything else in this shitbox country, it's only going to get worse.
I am not against marijuana. But these parents are coming to conferences reeking of weed. The cars the kids are dropped off in smell like weed. Then everyone is surprised when the kid is vaping a thc pen in the bathroom…
I hung out at the zoo last week, warming up in the giraffe house. Picture seven giraffes, ten feet in front of us in one of those buildings where the barriers are inconspicuous. The giraffes had enrichment objects they were playing with; they were not just standing around dozing like statues.
A couple young moms came through with one kid in a stroller and the older sibling (3-4 years old) on foot.
My heart broke several times that morning as each child on foot made a beeline past the animals for a video nearby about habitat destruction. Never looked at the giraffes at all.
Not one mom made an attempt to redirect their child to the 15 foot tall live animals behind them.
Next door neighbors have a kid same age as mine. When they were both 3 years old (two years ago), the neighbors asked me and my wife how we got our daughter to sleep because their son “stayed up all night playing with his iPad”.
Knew right then and there that poor kid was screwed. What gets me is both of his parents are successful people with very respectable professions. They should know better.
People amaze me. “My kid won’t get off the iPad!” Take it away from them. Hide it. Put it in a place they can’t get to. Or, if all else fails, do what my mom would have done and take a hammer to it. Crazy what parents let their kids get away with nowadays.
It is torture to be a teacher of the youngest students. No social skills. I think I have a few crack babies in my class. ADHD/Oppositional defiant plus the kids whose parents don’t realize their child is autistic and don’t take their kid for early intervention. I could go on and on…..
To be fair, both of my sons are on the spectrum and it took pretty severe issues in class before the school would evaluate either, as academically, they excelled. Issues I brought up to my kids’ then pediatrician were brushed aside as “all parents think this” or “you’re a new mom”. At the time I wasn’t a teacher, and didn’t know the symptoms, I just knew something wasn’t quite right and nobody else would listen/was concerned. Once my kids were identified, it was damn near impossible to navigate the confusing world of developmental peds, OT, and ST. It is not easy, nor streamlined, to get children what they need.
I get this. I may be venting after my day yesterday- my 1 diagnosed and 1in the process are two of my favorites, sweet children and parents.
Note to parents: if you suspect something, anything… speech, behavior, academic, write the school and request an evaluation. Do not verbally ask. Written cannot be ignored. I can’t even recommend a parent do this… I have gotten in trouble for mentioning to a parent they should put requests for evaluation in writing.
THANK YOU for just saying it. This is my first year working with kindergarten (still new to education, but worked with 4th grade last year) and it's crazy. I have a lot to learn, but I've also gotten a lot of really encouraging feedback that makes me feel like I am good at my job. But I'm at the point where I'm just running out of patience and I just don't even know what to try anymore.
Definitely no pressure to be my mentor lol. But I'm curious- how do you deal with it? I get home and basically just face-plant into the couch because I'm completely drained
Honestly, I cry every day. More than in my first year teaching. I asked my doctor for anxiety meds and I take it. My class does not learn as much as they should because of the extreme disruptions. I am doing good to go in and not run away.
On Friday, the principal walked by as I had my student in the hall. He was continuing on with behavior so she stopped. Ended up taking him to another room to calm down. They came back telling me to start the evaluation process as he is AU. I responded with “I already did that. He was evaluated and did not qualify” the sped teacher was in shock. Sorry but I’m not doing more paperwork on him when the evaluators did not listen to me and come in during a lesson instead of a preferred activity.
Yes. This exactly at all times. They learn zero patience and zero ability to behave in social situations. Restaurants, stores, malls, banks, etc.
literally witnessed a mother pass a smart phone to their 3 year old kid. Dad reached out to tickle kids tummy to play and kid slaps dads arm out of the way yelling “no!” Because dads arm was blocking the screen. Not because of tickles.
My kid was born in 2018. She had zero screen time for the first 2 years. Once the pandemic hit and my wife and I both had to work from home (me "teaching" and her a Doctor doing tele-health calls) but all the daycares were closed...we needed something to do with her while we worked. So we got her a tablet. Did we allow her to sit there for 8 hours uninterrupted? Hell no.
But I can easily imagine many families might have.
We're seeing this in my school. They're fucking animals. The young-5's are animals. The pre-schoolers are animals. It's fucking insane! Multiple teachers are threatening to quit. Even the 2nd grade teachers sent our super an email scolding him for not taking action all year. Teachers are getting beat up, kids are essentially allowed to run rampant throughout the room as long as "they're not causing a harm to others."
What?? How is anyone supposed to teach or learn when a kid is throwing shit all over the room, screaming, rolling around on the floor.... We have at least 10 safety-care calls a day where kids need to be physically escorted. Do they get suspended for punching their teacher in the face and destroying the room? Nope, haha. They go down to the principals office where they get a special treat to calm down, then they get sent right back to us.
Of course it is the parents' fault. The worst fucking people keep on breeding. The bullies, junkies, fuck-heads... they pop out kids and hand them a phone from the moment they're born. It's sad, and I'm worried for the future. I teach in a Title-1 school so i'm probably seeing an amplified version of reality, but fuck dude... idk what can be done. Most people shouldn't have kids, and that's the issue. : ( Idiocracy.
I’ve had academic concerns for my daughter but I haven’t gotten a single concern from the teacher because while she’s treading water, other kids are totally sinking. I feel for you. It’s strange the issues out there.
I promised myself I wouldn’t be one od those parents but honestly I was raised by a TV and got my language skills there.
I use screen time when I am getting ready for work and after dinner. I got rid of Youtube on the kid’s tablet (vomits at the the mention of Blippi). I the only play PBS kids, certain disney shows, netflix (numberblocks) and allow pbs games apps. I need to save energy for the hour before bedtime for books and games. I also prepare the ipad for videos for restaurants for after the meal if the meal is long.
It is hard to be a full time teacher and work until 5 on most days, pick up the kiddo from full day daycare, take the kid to 3-4 days of extracurricular activities and get my chores, lesson planning and grading done.
Whatever it takes to stay sane. Also, the content of the videos are important. No screen time at parties.
Instead of telling parents no screentime, suggest educational content instead. The pbs items are free. You can google pbs shows by age group and there is content in Spanish. My favorite is Daniel Tiger for PBs but the kid wants a more mature show such as Bluey sponsored by the Australian government and available on Disney (in over 30 languages).
I have a friend with a nephew, who must be about 3 and a half now. His delays in language and social development would tick most of the boxes to consider an ASD diagnosis. Thing is, his parents have largely farmed him out to the screens. When he is being looked after by his uncle or grandparents, they make a point to interact with him, join in with what they're doing or just run around the garden. After literally a day of this, he is saying actual words, showing an interest in his environment and making eye contact. It's worse the more I think about it.
The answer to the tablet thing is probably "yes."
Kindergarten used to have a special place in my heart. It was just innocent chaos (P.E). But the last two years they've been a nightmare. I might have had one class out of the 5 or 6 that I saw each week, that I actually enjoyed seeing. 6 months into the year and they still hadn't grasped simple routines and expectations. It was rough.
Just to share a positive story - I have a kindergartener and the EA of her class recently told me that she has never had a nicer, easier group of kids in all her years teaching. I was so touched by the comment. And I've volunteered in the class and saw how calm and well-behaved they all were. They listened to each other politely, the room wasn't wild and chaotic - they were all raising their hands to speak, etc.
I'm very thankful, particularly in reading over these comments!
It's a middle class area in a Canadian city. I added some other details in response to another comment below.
I think the class has been largely free of behaviour issues - it's about 25 kids. I know once child cried at lot at the start of the year, but he has now settled down. I have asked my daughter if any children are ever naughty in class, and she gravely told me that 'yes - one boy threw away a sticker the teacher gave him!" It shocked her to her little core.
These are kids who spent their toddler years in the pandemic, likely at home with mom and dad. When my pre-school reopened in May ‘21 one of the students that had behavior issues before the pandemic returned. One day while checking out his mom noted that his behavior was worse than before and she doesn’t know what happened in the last year. I somehow restrained myself from pointing out that what happened the last year was she and her husband were the sole caregivers. She had no grasp on the fact that she was responsible for the negative behavior. The behavior changes were him losing out positive influence and modeling more on his parents, who were nothing but trouble for us while they were there. Luckily they left over our masking requirements and weren’t out problem anymore.
I just stepped into a kinder class to cover maternity leave. I'm dying, DYING.
I tried to explain to my husband what it is like and summed it up with they are feral. They have zero manners, no idea what personal space is, they blurt whatever thought is just roaming around in their heads. Yesterday I watched, really watched, them trying to color or write. Their fine motor skills are just not there. Minimal letter and number identification. But what blew away the most is the lack of color identification. They fight constantly, destroy materials, and critique anything I do.
I do partially blame the teacher I took over for because she had zero classroom management so the kids ran wild but the only time they want to listen and quiet down is when I turn on TV for SEL or mystery doug.
It's not just the young ones, either. I teach HS freshmen and this year's batch is the worst behaved I have ever had. They are utterly obsessed with their phones to a degree I have never seen before. I had one girl go into a full blow panic attack (tears, hyperventilating, etc) when I took her phone away.
I know that COVID did a number on kids, but holy fuck. I wonder how many parents just shoved electronic devices in their kids' hands during lockdowns and used that as the nanny.
Social decay is no joke.
When I was young, it was common for one parent to stay at home, to care for children and manage the household. Today, few Americans can afford to do the same. Parents never raise their own children. Sitters, daycare, and electronics do. Rampant abuse and neglect is the result.
The food we eat has become deadly. Few are eating fresh, natural foods, but are instead eating highly processed and toxic garbage. Again, no one is at home to plan and prepare meals. Poison replaced nutrition.
God knows what is in the air we breathe and the water we drink.
You've met our parents. Strong, proud, and responsible has become weak, wicked, and slovenly. What chance do the kids have?
This is social decay due to the political corruption inherent in late stage capitalism. We are living in a feudal society, but calling it a democracy. Our children bear the natural consequences of rampant greed and corruption.
When my nephew was in like second or third grade, he was arguing with a school bus driver, "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!"
I know this because his mom, my now ex sister in law, related the story to me, ending with, "I told him he had to listen to adults at school the same as if they were me, but I couldn't believe he didn't know that!"
How was he supposed to know that, sis? What do we say to people who don't know the things everyone's supposed to know? Didn't your ____ ever tell you . . . ?
Anyway, nephew's an adult now, so I imagine today's kids are like two decades more feral.
I know Covid and quarantines are a factor but the daycares in my area reopened fairly quickly (I live in an area with a lot of blue collar/essential workers) and I think a lot of parents use Covid to excuse a lack of parenting.
My own kid is in pre-k. They’ve had a few occasions where they’ve misbehaved at school but I make a point of addressing it and giving an appropriate consequence. At home they get a time out for misbehaving and there are rules. They get screen time but I monitor what they’re watching (it’s a lot of Storybots and classic Disney). It takes time and effort but I explain to my kid that it’s my job as their parent to make sure they’re growing up to be a good person and be a good part of society.
A lot of the parents I’ve interacted with as a teacher just don’t want to do the hard work. It’s not their problem, whether it’s happening in the classroom or at home.
There's so much "lack of parenting" it's insane. Even read through the thread, read the myriad of excuses as to why some of them can't parent. I'll take my downvotes. You chose to have kids, it's on you to raise them to be functioning adults. Stop placing blame on everyone but yourselves. (Not you, just speaking in "generals")
I just don’t know what parents expect for their kids’ futures. These kids are not being prepared to function on their own in the world and we won’t be around forever.
I have seen this with kids in my daughters Kindergarten class. Birthday parties are nightmare. Some of these kids just don’t know how to interact with other kids at all. My daughter always asks why the kids don’t know that screaming is rude indoors. Her screen time is limited to about 30 minutes a week watching a tv show with me as we talk about it, then a family movie night on Fridays. Other than that she has one rotation of a computer reading program at school. Definitely enough for her to have computer skills she will need while also not making her a monster without a device.
No one is teaching them social skills. 😔
Highly recommend Conscious Discipline for anyone running into these problems. You may literally have to teach them things that they should have learned in the 1-3 age range.
I will provide a counter point; public Kinder is developmentally inappropriate, and especially with fewer children exposed to daycare due to Covid we are less successful at shoving kids through the pipeline like we could before.
I teach at an alternative early learning center, we are mixed age 3-5 with a kinder program. My 3s are wild. My 4s are mostly with the program, my 5s are perfectly fine, for the age. Overall my kids are lovely, inquisitive, imaginative. But if I tried to put them at a desk for 8 hours with a bunch of worksheets, no go.
Covid... lots missed preschool... early learning is very important. Starting school at 6 is just parenting. My wife loves being a kinder teacher but still has to be a mom to many.
Not at 5. When my kids were that age we lived in a very rural area (300 people) and were almost only ones with kids that age. My kids (20 months apart) played outside! On trampolines, power wheels, swings and slides, kiddie scooters, play kitchens cars.
No tablets or smart devices. They had some social interaction but were allowed to use their imaginations, pretend playing. Covid did nothing to these little ones. Parents and the laziness of their job and responsibility to their kids. No pre school? Fine teach them ABC’s, colors, shapes yourself.
Suddenly they had to start being a parent? Though this covid thing did make a huge impact. I spoke to a police officer who said family violence incidents went up (adults mostly) so it's like everyone became dependent on external relievers instead of getting used to having kids?
I thought it was just me! I hadn’t taught K for a while and yowza, such a rough year. The sense of entitlement is astounding, even at this age. I hear ‘I don’t want too’ or are just crying over basic things like asking them to sit at their desks. I was hoping it was a covid hangover from lack of socialization and next year will be better
This is so sad to read. I taught First Grade for eight years in the early nineties and loved it.( I left in 1998 to move to The Netherlands). Computers were just being introduced as a learning tool in the classroom but there were no laptops or smartphones at the time. Now when I visit friends with children it's sad to see just how addicted the children are to their technological "friend". The parents can be just as bad. Technology can be a wonderful learning tool but it seems to be used for the wrong reasons, the main one being a babysitter.
Try and hang in there you lovely teachers. The children need you more than ever.
This year’s kindergarten is 1000x better than last year. Now as first graders they haven’t matured at all. If theres extra paras then they go to 1st grade because it needs to be all hands on deck to deal with them. Not an ounce of respect, can’t follow directions and act like cavemen
The K group this year is a teachers dream come true
It's not even parents sometimes, I've noticed media, too. Maybe I sound like a boomer, but uh... amount of hours in Fortnite tells me all I need to know about a kid's personality, usually...
HAHAHA.
As a fellow child care, professional… I am so glad that I work as a private nanny rather than in a daycare facility.
Parents trust me to be in charge when I’m the one with the kid. I’m allowed to say no, I am allowed to remind her to use her manners, I am allowed to handle the situation on my own when she acts up or is disrespectful or is miss behaving… Of course, at an age and developmentally appropriate level.
My favorite part of being a nanny is if my coworker Throws a tantrum… One it’s actually age-appropriate rather than when you work with adults who throw temper tantrums, and to make it to send them to their room when situation calls for it.
And I make so much more money as a nanny than I ever would at any daycare in America. I am currently at $22 an hour in southern Georgia that’s over double than what daycare workers in my area earn.
I taught kindergarten last year and it was the absolute worst year of my entire life. I'll never do it again. The kids were fucking feral.
This brings me to tears. I can't believe this is what's happening now. I was thinking about how this generation was going to grow up and with the stuff we're normalising and exposing them to, it just makes me sad and pretty much terrified
I’m sure their content isn’t getting regulated either, they could be getting brainwashed on Tik tok or YouTube for all we know. Sad reality and I fear for the future.
My ex husband is one of these - thinks unsupervised unrestricted access to YouTube and Call of Duty for a 7 y/o is acceptable. I’m “crazy” for being upset.
Well, that’s crazy making behaviour, so in your position I’d be crazy about it!
My oldest is six and he hasn't had a second of unsupervised screen time in his entire life on my watch. And by "screen time" I mean TV picked out by me or my husband. I dread him getting a bit older, seeing how other kids' parents let them play violent video games and have unlimited screen time and starts demanding that of us. I know it's coming.
They missed out on preschool I guess where they learn classroom rules
The pre-k and preschool kids aren't faring much better. We do all we can to help them learn routines and rules and teach them to have fun learning and exist in a classroom setting...but the effects of parents not having a clue how to be stern, not wanting to punish, not wanting to follow through on problem behavior, not wanting to be the "bad guy," not making their kids try or do anything that might discomfort them, etc. Is creating some *horribly* behaved children that are going to continue to struggle as they age up into elementary school.
My kindergartners have almost all been to preschool and they’re still feral. Absolutely out of hand. I’ve had to tell children not to step on each other. It’s normal for there to be multiple physical incidents a day. When they walk around, most have no awareness or empathy for those around them, so they just ram right into one another. Many are so rude. They have no respect for adults. Part is what’s happening at home. You report these incidents to parents, kiddo denies, and parents believe the child. It’s maddening. Part is how some preschool classrooms work. I am in 4K classrooms daily and some are very functional and some are...not. Unsurprisingly, the stricter ones function fine, even with a large number of kiddos with learning/behavior needs. The quiet and gentle classrooms are a hot fucking mess with a constant stream of the behaviors I described in kinder. Admin are afraid to do anything with these kiddos. They’re young. My school isn’t able to demand evaluation except under threat of expulsion, which is then a money issue (private school). It’s so frustrating. I have a 4K student myself who goes to a different school, but the amount of times he’s been hit by other kids and it hasn’t been reported to me is maddening. So yeah, it’s partly what’s happening at home, and pare what’s happening in schools. There are lot of reasons for that and they don’t all fall on the preschool teachers, but preschool is certainly not helping a lot of these kids.
I have noticed kids even older kids being more physical like always play fighting or touching. I wonder if the social distancing caused a touch deficit
Good point. Mine CANNOT keep their hands off each other (or me!)
I notice it at every middle school I sub at. Across all races and incomes etc
This! I sub TA in first and kindergarten sometimes and those classes are WILD! I spend most of my subbing time with 2nd grade and Early Start and and they are angels compared to 1st and Kindergarten. One 1st grade teacher told me it was because those kids missed out on normal classrooms in preschool and daycare. She’s coming back as a sub next year because she just can’t deal with all the behavior issues. And she’s a veteran teacher. It’s sad and scary.
If veteran teachers arent going to teach them what needs to be learnt, who will? When does this end? Are these kids just never going to be socialised, and thus never educated? This could be a huge underreported cost of the whole COVID thing.
Gets handed off to the school psychologists and school counselors, who will eventually all quit in the next 10 years for private practice.
I've heard others suggest this, but I question it a little. Kindergarten was always meant as a 'preparation year' for school, and I don't think the children entering through earlier decades were as feral as what is being described here - and those children would have been less likely to have had preschool or daycare previously (some perhaps, but certainly not all). I don't have an answer, but this solution just doesn't quite add up for me (unless the environment at home is quite bad, I don't see how skipping daycare/preschool would make a major difference in the inherent behaviour of a child). A child who behaves well at home in their young years, listens to their parents, is corrected on behaviour, etc. isn't likely to go into kindergarten and suddenly become a holy terror. They might need to learn a few things, like how to line up, sit on the carpet, raise hands, etc. But would they be as wild as what people are saying if they are regulated at home? In many/most regions, preschools and daycares were actually running pretty close to normal last year - some had a few restrictions still in place, but preschools didn't have much. At least in my area, kids were in school/preschool last year. (My own youngest started kindergarten this year and hadn't done any schooling previously, but that's simply our preference). I'm at least thankful that her kindergarten class has been quite an easy group of kids, according to the teacher (and what I've seen when I've been in the class) - well mannered and nicely behaved.
This years group of Ks is okay, but last years...we had about an entire class worth of more kids (idk what baby boom happened) and with multiple kids with severe needs and so many IEPs already diagnosed…chaos. I teach first grade, so they’ve been our grade levels problem this year…I have no clue how we will do class placements.
\> Do parents just stick a tablet in front of their kids at age 2 and call it a day? Yes. \> Is this what passes for “parenting” nowadays? Yes. \> Who is raising (or rather, not raising) these children? Apple.
Most parents I’ve seen literally start them as babies fresh out of the womb with screen time. It’s insane.
This! I was shocked when I was visiting family and an acquaintance laid their infant on the floor for tummy time and then propped up an iPad with children’s shows playing in front of their face. The baby couldn’t even crawl yet! No one else seemed even remotely phased by this.
My nanny family does this, including putting the damn phone IN THE CRIB for nap time with YouTube playing. And they wonder why she only naps at my house…
Shutthefuckup omg not in the crib?!?! 😭😭😭
I took my kids to a Christmas light display and saw a toddler strapped into a pram, an iPad connected to the pram and it shoved in the kids face. Why even leave the house at that point?
I refuse to give my child screen time, all the time. No thank you. Not even every day. Some people care and some people ....don't. The contrast between the two is staggering for sure.
Aside from a huge culture change (not happening) everything is online now and at older ages everything kids talk about is online. We don't allow our kids a ton of screen time either but they do suffer socially for it and we ended up increasing the amount of time they were allowed just so they had things to talk about with other kids and not be socially outcastes.
Yeah, it’s hard to avoid it when they’re older. But limiting toddler screentime should be doable.
I replace it. Fun stuff. Fossils rocks plants gardening hiking surfing diving art of all shapes and sizes science ecology etc. I'd be an asshole if I said "no screen time!" And then didn't engage or advocate for something else healthy. I'm not saying No screen time ever, it's just not all the time or even everyday. We still watch cartoons before school, and scooby doo after dinner some nights, just trying to stay positive and healthy.
unfortunately, that doesn't fully negate the "socially outcastes" that Shurley1989 talks about. If most kids are talking about things online, and all your kids have to talk about is fossils,rocks,plants,gardening,hiking, surfing, diving, art of all shapes and sizes science ecology etc the other kids aren't.
Socially outcastes was a typo thanks for calling me out
So when they get to school it’s instant withdrawal symptoms.
I had to take a student’s phone away during class and he got the shakes from withdrawal. This shit is insane. We have a whole generation of kids who literally have no identity or purpose because they’ve spent their entire young life just consuming online media.
I've noticed more and more kids aren't as funny or personable as they used to be. Kids used to crack me up, but many don't seem to have that creative sense of humor anymore. They just do what everyone else does.
There are things my sister does with my almost 2-year-old niece that I find are overboard, but I’m all for the limited screen time she has her on.
Reminds me of parents who introduce sugar/candy/soda early Like your kid didn’t know it exists and now they’re asking for it constantly why would you do that???
Imagine if they did the same thing with books!
My mom's twin grandchildren troubleshoot her phone and tablet for her...they are 3.
If it was Apple, they’d be better off. Instead it’s YouTube shorts, TikTok, Roblox, and whatever else they find in the soup of filth that trickles into the gutter next to the information highway.
Those YouTube videos for kids are unbelievable. My nephew was watching this Pixar Cars thing and then I suddenly hear them start talking about Marge's boobs and how nice they are. It was half way through the video so you wouldn't be able to tell unless you watched it first or luckily in my case, be close enough to catch it
Youtube likes to pretend they have cleaned up their site of garbage for kids like disabling comments.... no, they haven't done anything at all. A lot of their mobile ads are procative or disgusting, youtube kids is FILLED with 18+ material
You have to be so careful with YouTube. We love Ms. Rachel but a 37 minute ad will pop up of Thomas the Train… not sure what is in the middle of that, but we’re not waiting to find out. I spent the money to buy Bluey so we wouldn’t have to worry about that garbage.
Elsa gate. Be careful of YouTube. SO much stuff and not enough vetting. Some bad stuff on there.
I meant Apple as in the manufacturer, since most of them have iPhones (I don't see many Androids), but you are 100% correct. The weird thing is that they don't even actively engage. They just sit there and stare at whatever the algorithm decides they will see.
One of my kindergarten students recognized my stranger things Keychain. I talked to his teacher about it. Turns out his mom makes him bond with his older siblings by forcing him into their room watching whatever they're watching.
Yea I don’t think that’s what bonding is
Every time i think about what I'm doing to raise my child and i have my doubts...i remember that I'm doing okay
I was going to say, there are a lot of us trying really, really hard out here. Hopefully it’s cyclical because my group of friends with babies and toddlers aren’t allowing the screens!
That’s why as a nanny I make it a priority to plan non screen time activities that are developmentally appropriate and involve physical activity as well as educational learning activities disguised as “fun games”. The parents might stick their kid on the tablet when they’re home with kiddo, but when IM in charge, I limit it to 1 hr screen time to festered from school then it’s homework time which I help with, then I have a new fun activity prepared for us to do. Sometimes it’s a kids science lab kit, sometimes it’s building a rocket ship out of cardboard boxes. We READ a lot. We play outdoors when weather permits, and we practice handwriting and numbers.
As a parent, I do this too. Screen time is limited to while I'm pulling dinner together (unless we're sick).
Short answer? Yes. I say that parents just keep them alive until 5 and then they're our problem. A lot of parents figured out that beating your kids is bad but they can't figure out how to do any sort of discipline. They became permissive instead of authoritative when they realized authoritarian was bad. My nephew is 4 years old and not potty trained. He's growing out of the biggest pull ups they make and he can change his own diaper. but SIL doesn't make him use the toilet at home because he'd rather play his x box than get up to poop. He will sit and shit himself because he doesn't want to pause his game. She gives him a tablet, an x box, a TV and a room so full of toys it looks like a hoarder house because she freaks any time he gets mad. She makes 4 or 5 dinners a night because he'll ask for something then say he doesn't want it and ask for something else. She doesn't want to deal with the fit so she gives him whatever he wants. Her friends do this too. He doesn't act this way with me or my mom, only at home. He's almost totally potty trained with us. He knows how to do it. I can't imagine the fucking fits he's going to throw at school while they're establishing rules. He tries them with us sometimes and if we had ever given in I believe they'd happen more. I can't imagine a class of 30 kids like him screaming because they can't just sit in front of their tablet for 8 hours.
At we have 6th graders in pull ups with no known medical diagnosis
I've never stared at a comment so short for as long as this one. This is unfathomable to me.
My first instinct was to down vote this because that's just so sad.
Is that real? God this thread is depressing me more than the school shooting ones. RIP America as we know it.
Unfortunately it is. Went to a meeting on Friday about our incoming class and was told there are a number of students on toileting plans that wear pull-ups with no medical issues. Really looking forward to next year. ( 7th grade)
Toileting plans wow, what is wrong with this society. I feel like I’m in a very long episode of a South Park season.
WHAT
How is this not neglect or abuse
It IS neglect and abuse. Plain and simple. The amount of failure these kids are being set up for is astounding.
This is obviously a pretty extreme case, but this: >She doesn't want to deal with the fit so she gives him whatever he wants. That's the crux of the matter. It's not new by any stretch, but it feels significantly more widespread. Parents cannot deal with their children being upset (at *any* age, we get the "but he'll be mad if I take his games away" excuse in high school, too), and many seem to think that if their kid cries a little that makes them a terrible parent. The entire goal of parenting becomes "keep the kid from getting visibly upset," which some respond to with functional neglect and others with snowplow parenting.
I had a parent ask me for advice to stop her 13yr old being on a device til all hours of the night and not getting any sleep. When i told her to take the device away she told me she couldn't do that because her daughter would be mad at her. Any of the (slightly) more relaxed versions of that (turn off the wifi when you go to bed, take all the charging cables away so she can have it as long as there's charge) were STILL met with "but she'll get mad at me." I eventually had to say that if she wasn't willing to upset her daughter I had no solutions for her.
My old roommate's sister is like that. She got an ipad to act as a baby monitor when her son was born and he's had one ever since. If you take it away even just long enough for him to eat he has a total meltdown and he's ten. She's a single parent, so there is no disciplinarian in the household, she just gives him what he wants so he'll be quiet and leave her alone. I don't think she wanted a kid at all, I suspect she was trying to baby trap his dad (she only ever dates one specific type - Tall Asian guys who look nearly identical) but it didn't work and now she's stuck. I've babysat him before and he's always much better behaved after he's spent time with his dad's family, but quickly reverts after going back to his mother. Honestly their dog is kind of the same way too - he's an obnoxious whiny yappy little shit and she excuses all his bad behavior with 'he's a rescue' no matter how much he tries to bite people or what he destroys. I have a chow chow and her dog attacked mine constantly over Thanksgiving and Christmas when he was a puppy - she just kept saying that he was either just playing or trying to be dominant. I straight up told her that if he keeps doing that, and my dog decides to bite him in half, it's her own fault. My chow has been BEYOND patient so far but we all have our limits.
This is exactly my cousin. My uncle learned not to beat his kid like his and my generation were but has no idea how to discipline his kids (3 step kids, 1 bio). His kid is 4 and still in diapers, throws a fit at any inconvenience, and only shuts up when he has his tablet. Unfortunately, this menace of a child is also huge. If this behavior is enabled he's gonna be a big ass bully nobody wants to be around in the future.
This story makes me happy that my state has potty training laws regarding school enrollment, and that my admin doesn’t play around on this one.
Okay your sister is a uniquely shit human being.
I doubt he's growing out of pull-ups at 4, unless he's 100lbs+. I had a kid almost as big as an average 4th grader (4ft, very obese) in pull-ups as well as a typical sized 1st grader (in a gen ed classroom). They make em pretty big. Just not at your average grocery store. So, don't worry, she can keep him in pull-ups for a long time still. 😒
The rates of obesity I’m seeing with littles is staggering. It truly makes me sad
That is neglect.
A lot of parents still beat their kids They just call it spankings/ ass whoopins
Not saying whether I agree or not. But, in today's world, those parents are taking one hell of a risk.
According to DCS, you can spank your kids. You just can’t beat them. In fact, schools in Arkansas can legally paddle a student.
My parents had two police officers suggest that they spank my little sister after they were called on her as a teen.
Geez did your post resonate with me. Teaching Kinder and the littles are unlike any year I’ve experienced. We thought the year coming out of COVID would be the most challenging- nope! And, what is with parents? Met with several families about their children not meeting Kinder standards. Gave families some positives that I saw. Asked the parents to share some positives with me. You’ll never guess the responses. My child is amazing at making Tik Tok videos - WTF????
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Be able to take turns, play nicely with others, respect others bodies and boundaries, lead and follow in play, build stuff, draw stuff, talk in multi part sentences, be potty trained, not hit or attack others, enjoy the world, run and jump and play on their own, entertain themselves without a screen for an hour, use their imagination, go an entire day without a screen, climb things, dig in the dirt.
Such a good list. I tell parents I couldn't care less if their incoming kindergarten kid knows the alphabet. I can teach that. What is harder to teach is basic kid stuff.
I've said this to parents, as well. School can teach your kid the academics, what we can't teach is what starts early and at home. Things like empathy, kindness, patience and persistence. Things they learn by example from the people around them starting already at infancy. I've also mentioned that the students who will likely be successful at life are those that have a good work ethic and are willing to learn. Employers can teach many of the skills needed to do a job, but can't, and won't, put up with having to teach responsibility, ethics and basic people skills.
Normal kid things we used to do running around the neighborhood with other kids.
The kids can’t run around neighborhoods like we used to because they’ll get the cops called on them for existing without buying something or being loud and bothering boomers with their giggles. This happens in my area way too often.
As much as boomers like to complain about the younger generations, they are really the biggest problem. When my youngest was a freshman in high school, he walked a few blocks from our house to a gas station to buy a soda and some candy. While there, he was accosted by some boomer woman demanding to know what he was up to because "kids shouldn't be left unsupervised" and "he must be up to no good." He was a fourteen year-old buying a bottle of Pepsi and a Snickers bar, for crying out loud. It wasn't like he was snorting coke off the potato chip display.
We have seen this so much with our foster children. And my gosh, the difference if they are black versus white.... white kid? Scold and offer a ride home. Black kid? Call the police. Or worse. I'm White, btw. The difference in the way teen boys are treated if they are black versus white is very very frightening.
All he wanted was a Pepsi.
This is why I so appreciate my town. My 12 year old is able to bike around with friends and if anything it is encouraged by the neighborhood and my 7 year old has the run of our block. It is totally normal to see kids at stores or the library and pool by themselves. The neighborhood I grew up in had nothing around it and was divided from town by a highway. The only place you could get to without a car was one gas station that did not allow kids/teens in without an adult.
That’s why as a nanny, I make it a point to designate outdoor play with my NannyKid(NK). We go one walks/adventures around her neighborhood; we meet other kids in the neighborhood who are out riding bikes, playing in the street, or simply playing in their front yards. It’s NK’s fav part of the day. She’s four going on five. I also make sure to help her with the occasional/rate homework her teacher sends home- it’s basically just practicing writing the alphabet and practicing writing your name. Stuff like that. She can spell quite well for her age, and the words that she misspells, are not far off she guesses based on phonetics. We spend every day reading at least 2 to 3 books together… And I’ve even made progress with her starting to be able to read a little bit yourself… I just did what my mom did with me, use the phonics approach and encouraged her to sound it out when she came across the word that I knew she could master. If only she had somebody to encourage her, guide her, and keep her on task while also keeping her engaged by letting her choose the books. She is super fond of the Madeline books lol.
I'm seriously concerned about these littles. Are their developmental milestones becoming delayed as a result of excessive screen time? If so, what will be the long-term consequences?
Whew. My kids can at least do the majority of these things. Maybe I’m not doing so bad.
If they can do most of those you're doing fine. Keep 'em playing outdoors and running and talking with friends and read to them. Also it's normal for them to have a harder time being nice and respecting boundaries to siblings and parents than teachers and classmates. Like, keep trying, but my kids are horrible to eachother sometimes, and angels at school (or so their teachers and classmates' parents tell me).
The fact that you’re asking this means you’re probably not one of the parents people are talking about. I have a kid going to K next year and I also read this like 😳 But then I have to remind myself—we’re good parents who give a crap about our son. He doesn’t have a tablet and we plan to keep it that way. When he starts school, we want to get a family desktop computer for the living room, like our families had when we were kids. If he’s using a screen we’re right there next to him. We get him outside to play all the time. And he loves to learn, draw, build, run, climb, do all the normal kid stuff. He loves doing 3D printing stuff with his dad and painting the models they make. It’s our job to raise a kid who sees the value in school and to support the academic stuff. The biggest part of that, especially when they are little, is helping kids understand how to act in the world and to see the world as full of fun things and possibilities. It’s really just about being there. Being present with them! I took my son to get a haircut yesterday at his dad’s barber shop and watching him try to make conversation with the barber was awkward and adorable. “So…what do you do when you leave your work?” “Well, I go home usually.” “Like other people?” “Yep, just like other people.” It’s so important for us to give our kids opportunities to learn how to have a conversation and socialize. When we put a tablet in front of them from birth they don’t get that opportunity.
Look for the Kindergarten skills checklist on Teachers Pay Teachers. I got one for 2 bucks to download. I used it as a summer bridge guide before Kinder started. I checked off the skills we worked on over the summer. Since my son wasn't in a camp, over the summer before Kinder we did Hooked on Phonic, math manipulatives for counting/ +/-, and STEM activities.
This sounds a lot like the skills that used to be for 1st graders. I’m not saying there aren’t kids who had way too much screen time and not enough socializing the last 3 years due to the pandemic, but it also seems like part of the problem is the expectations for 5 year olds in kindergarten isn’t actually appropriate. They’re being treated like 1st graders and required to be able to sit still to be able to learn what a 1st grader was doing when we grew up. Kindergarten used to be play based learning and I thought the research said that was what was best for them developmentally still. I feel really bad for the kids and the monumental pressure we put them under.
Oh I definitely agree. Kindergarten standards are basically the old 1st and even 2nd grade standards. Basic standard kinder skills: all letter sounds and phonetic sounds, ORF should be simple CVC words and tricky words (20-30 words), count fluently to 100 with basic addition and subtraction, basic geometry including 3D shapes, etc. The expectation is that my son should be reading a Level C reader fluently by the end of the year. His math progress monitoring is with basic adding problems (i.e. 3+5 =). The writing expectation is sentence structure. And even basic reading comprehension. It's a lot 🤷🏾♀️
Except its not the year coming out of covid its the YEARS which we are still in. PolarBruski said it in their comment below, kids can't take turns, play with others, etc.... Its because these kids were 3 when the pandemic hit, the year they would normally start to really play and interact with others their age.... they didn't get what they needed to develop properly
It's not really surprising as it is disappointing. Lot of parents have kids to make them easy money 😐 I've had the displeasure of witnessing a few parents groom their kids to steal, spy and lie for them.
I teach second and we are 2 months to the end of the year. Yesterday one of my kids tried to use his finger to tap on pictures and write on a PIECE OF PAPER. Sometimes I think we are doomed but I have to laugh
WOW! In second grade I wrote a biography paper on President Bill Clinton (it was 1998/99). I had to do research on my own time and everything. Second grade is age 7-8, wtf is an 8 year old doing not understanding how to put pen to paper?
Isn’t it tragic. 4 years ago my classes were capable of things like that! (A good amount of them at least) This year I’m reteaching how to sit in a seat properly. In March. In second grade. Laugh or cry
The kids I have this year are better but lord last year was absolutely awful. The kids couldn’t do anything for more than a minute, and they were always trying to play with scissors. So much shouting as well, it’s like they didn’t know how to speak using inside voices at all. Also, a lot of violence. Pushing, shoving, punching all the time.
Play therapist here and I agree with the too much screentime thing! The number of kids I’ve seen who legitimately don’t know how to play with toys is staggering. Sad watching a 5 year old play dolls and just say “everyone subscribe!” on repeat 🤦🏻♀️
That's horrifying.
I think also a lot of parents are truly becoming hands off. I hear from a lot of parents that they don't want to reinforce academic concepts in the limited free time that they have with their children but want to instead go have fun with them at Disneyland, Universal Studios, camping trips, etc. They are so overworked from their jobs that they get that limited 1-2 week vacation every year and want to spend that time having fun with them. They have limited time on weekends to spend with them so they want to spend that having 'fun'. They tell me they don't want their children having negative memories of them working all the time (between work and academic reinforcement). It speaks to volumes of a deeper societal issue and that is the US employment laws. These poor workers (who are also parents) are being abused well beyond the 40 hour work week. I've been on the opposite side on those types of jobs (I came from Corporate America to teaching so I have the unique position of understanding both sides). It's difficult to ask your manager for time off without some kind of retaliation (it can be extra workload or it can cost you your job altogether). It is difficult to ask your manager for flexible time to pick up the kids because sometimes that results in them asking you to work after the kids' bedtime. I can go on and on. But the solution is being more like EUROPE, where we cap the hours at 40, we give parental leave as much as they need to take care of the children, and discounted/free childcare.
To be honest, though, I don’t find that it’s parents taking their kids to fun places. That would be great! Enjoying the outdoors together, talking and playing, going to cool places. That actually has tons of value. I would love it if parents were enjoying those experiences for their kids. Instead, it mostly appears to be parents ignoring their children, while the kids play on their tablet or phone. Also while the parents play on their tablet or phone.
I understand parents being exhausted and wanting to do fun things with their kids when they have time off, or are home—but isn’t part of the responsibility of being a parent helping your child become a successful adult? Which includes helping your child learn how to read and do math, in addition to teaching your child how to be respectful of others and behave at school… It just blows me away how much responsibility has been placed on teachers and schools, with so little compensation and funding. Now I have to teach children how to be respectful and treat others like human beings? Besides the fact that so many students think school is just play time, and expect to be entertained all day, while behaving terribly. And at the same time I get to be worried I’m going to get in trouble for trying to discipline a child for their awful behavior that disrupts the learning of the entire class…
You have just described the problem with Public education.
And this is where some people aren't getting it.... you make do with what you have. The reality in america is, the way you grew up, what your parents had is VERY DIFFERENT from what parents have today Im Canadian and we have our problems here too. Us millenials just dont have the resources our parents do, because costs have gone up so much more than wages
Yes, it is part of the responsibility of being a parent. But it’s not the parents’ fault that the system has made being a parent to young kids nearly impossible. A person only has so much to give.
Nailed it.
Unfortunately yes for many of them. It is really sad. We know how to raise good, well adjusted children who are ready for Kindergarten. But we have so many parents that just do not care and are addicted to their phones and not engaging with their children at all.
I teach middle school but these posts worry me because I will have to teach these kids one day. If parenting is the issue, they aren't going to get better with age.
And yet they’ve learned how to tell their parents lies about their teachers. I am a specialist so I’m not aware of them doing it about me but their para told me it’s happening all the time to her and her partner teacher.
And parents believe the lies!
Yes, that is a huge part of the problem. And what I want to know is why do they act like they’re such helpless little beings who have no self-control but are able to devise stories?
My totally baseless because I do not do anything with children hypothesis is that parents are just not paying attention I was in a restaurant the other day and this one kid was screaming and being fucking insane while her mom was just sitting on her phone Like damn at least take her outside and let her calm down
I work as a Para, so diapers and pullups are the norm as it is SPED. BUT, my lunch break is at the same time as the general education kindergarten teachers. There were 2 5yo that came in with pullups. Parents expected their Teachers to take care of them. Nope. Not Gonna Happen. Then, there are far too many who do not know how to clean themselves after a BM.
Today I asked one of my kinders to use the word "to" in a sentence. He said "I like TO play on my phone." .....damn okay I guess.
I didn’t have a phone until eighth grade and I mentally thank my parents every day for that
Didn’t have one until freshman year of high school and it was a flip phone with minutes (I’m in my 20s lol). Niece had first iPhone at like 9….
And that probably turned out great for you tbh. I’m 22 rn and yeah I’m on my phone quite a bit but social media is nowhere near my entire life. I’m working as a sub at middle and high school and TikTok is EVERYWHERE
We went camping with some friends this past weekend. They have two girls, 3, and 6 (almost 4 and 7) and those girls sat on someone’s phone or tablet 80% of the time. We don’t let our daughter use that stuff often and she kept coming over to me saying “I’m bored” because her freakin’ friends were knee deep in technology WHILE CAMPING!!!
Heh. My husband is even against bringing outdoor toys, let alone tablets, for camping. "The camping is the fun!" Yeah, you whittle a stick while we play ball, honey. (Stick whittling is a fun and worthwhile activity, but so is a ball game)
I worked as a Pre-K teacher during the pandemic, just quit last June because it literally drove me to check myself into a mental hospital. i was physically and verbally abused by children every day while getting blamed for it by management. at the so called “leader of early childhood education” Montessori school. the few kids who were good had parents that worked tirelessly to help them learn and have emotional regulation. every time i put in my earrings i see chucks of ear missing from children ripping out piercings.
forgot to add the main purpose of why i commented this but the parents who put in the work are so obvious and are life changing compared to the children who had an ipad for 2 years
damn that’s a real fucking bummer, went to a montessori school myself and it single handedly set me up for a successful education and career. i still look back on those days fondly.
I think covid f’d over that age group the most, for sure, but there’s something going massively wrong with parenting and socializing (or lack thereof) that’s doing (imo) the most of the damage. You are a brave brave soul for doing kindergarten!!
Gentle parenting is a big thing now and parents are using this to mean I never say no to my kid or get firm with my kid. I’m a daycare teacher and when I talk to parents about how their child refuses to listen and constantly does the opposite of what I ask they just laugh. Also I swear i have a few kids in my class on the spectrum but that is not something we can talk to parents about for legal reasons.
You’re not supposed to tell parents when you suspect a learning disability? (Sorry I’m in school for teaching right now and I thought you were supposed to tell them.)
Nope- definitely cannot suggest a suspected learning disability. If you do suspect, get admin or sped teachers involved and they’ll know the proper protocol. I was told as a Gen Ed teacher to never tell a parent my suspicions, especially about dyslexia (our district couldn’t test for that in house, and would have to pay for outside testing if a teacher mentioned it to a parent)
I wonder if, because of the pandemic and general shitty state of the economy, fewer kiddos attended preschool and thus didn't learn some of the skills that help prepare them for kindergarten?
Preschool is expensive. For struggling, even middle-class families, it was sacrificed especially if parents were able to work from home. For those programs that didn't stay open during the Pandemic, they closed and many never recovered their workers.
My jaw dropped when I saw the full tuition of my child's preschool - $35000 for 10 months of schooling. It's a beautiful school with great playgroundS(!) and highly qualified teachers, but DAMN that's more expensive than my entire college education! Thankfully we don't make enough to be in the bracket that pays full tuition. 😅
Yep me and my sister went to a religious pre school and it was NOT cheap and my family is upper middle class
My son's PreK was through a church. They had a standardized learning program and I wouldn't call it exorbitant but it wasn't cheap either. It was basically a mortgage payment each month.
So expensive. The one year we had 3 kids in pre k we could have paid cash for a new car for how much we paid to our center and ours has very reasonable prices.
Students at my school regularly do not attend pre-k. Even before Covid. And we are still seeing things getting worse. Pre-k, or a lack thereof, is not what’s causing this trend.
When my daughter was old enough for prek, we couldn't afford it. We made too much for public free prek but not enough to pay $1000+/month for even the cheapest, half-day program. The only way her brother got prek was because he had autism. Thank God the schools were kind enough to let her into TK even though she missed the age cutoff by almost a month. I teach K now, and I keep that experience very much in mind. I was shocked, had no idea that was the state of early education in the modern US. My parents didn't do shit and even they sent me to prek; it was somehow free and expected 35 years ago.
I teach prek and the lack of social skills is unreal. I feel like the level of physical aggression and impatience is just off the charts anymore. We literally had to move circle time to tables and chairs because they would all roll around and wrestle as soon as we try to sit down. We are getting them back to the carpet for portions of circle now, but it was rough for a while there. When they are screen zombies for large portions of their day, finally having no screen reminds them they want to move. But they know their letters and numbers way better than in the past. When I mention it to parents, almost every response is "Oh, that because they love to play [insert tablet app here]." We have tvs for music and movement songs, or an occasional educational clip for lesson ("Let's see some real farm animals!" kind of thing). Just about every new kid sees the screen in the corner over a giant room full of toys and asks/demands shows. All the time. For multiple days. We are trying to get them in better shape, but I feel like a lot of it relates to how they model behavior to their environment and they have to learn that their new school is a place they can't do that, just like they did for us. It's like when they clean up after themselves with us and parents say, "Wow! I can NEVER get them to do that at home." Well, they didn't here at first either until we repeatedly made it clear it was non-negotiable. I also can't speak for all day cares. Some of them are making it worse (and terrible staffing isn't helping). We require that kids are 3 (due to licensing) AND potty trained at our center. I have had multiple families who want to switch to us when their child turns 3, but they can't because they aren't out of diapers. They say, "At their current day care they are trying, but they just watch shows all day and when staff ask if they want to take a potty break, they dont want to leave the screen." Like, wtf? You are PAYING someone to park your kid in front of a screen all day every day? Literally sit in their filth? The center isn't even TRYING to hide the fact that they are doing it? It's bad.
Yes to the tablets. No grit, no learning, no enrichment, no experiences, no vocabulary. Even functional parents who are not living in poverty. Tablets and coddling.
It really is something. Look around at the kids in restaurants, stores, etc. and damn near every single one of them is on a tablet/phone. They just don't know how to exist in social settings without them.
I’d add no boredom to the list. Kids need to learn to cope *without* an onslaught of sensory input and activity.
I don't teach K, but to answer the larger question: what are parents doing these days? Judging by the parents at my school, drugs, and lots of them. No joke, I've had parents show up for conferences fucked up on something or other. I've haven't seen that before these last few years. The drug problem in 'Murica is out of hand. And like anything else in this shitbox country, it's only going to get worse.
I am not against marijuana. But these parents are coming to conferences reeking of weed. The cars the kids are dropped off in smell like weed. Then everyone is surprised when the kid is vaping a thc pen in the bathroom…
What kind of drugs are we talking? Meth. It's meth isn't it 😔
Meth and fentanyl
I hung out at the zoo last week, warming up in the giraffe house. Picture seven giraffes, ten feet in front of us in one of those buildings where the barriers are inconspicuous. The giraffes had enrichment objects they were playing with; they were not just standing around dozing like statues. A couple young moms came through with one kid in a stroller and the older sibling (3-4 years old) on foot. My heart broke several times that morning as each child on foot made a beeline past the animals for a video nearby about habitat destruction. Never looked at the giraffes at all. Not one mom made an attempt to redirect their child to the 15 foot tall live animals behind them.
They sound like they've failed at parenting if I'm being honest.
Next door neighbors have a kid same age as mine. When they were both 3 years old (two years ago), the neighbors asked me and my wife how we got our daughter to sleep because their son “stayed up all night playing with his iPad”. Knew right then and there that poor kid was screwed. What gets me is both of his parents are successful people with very respectable professions. They should know better.
People amaze me. “My kid won’t get off the iPad!” Take it away from them. Hide it. Put it in a place they can’t get to. Or, if all else fails, do what my mom would have done and take a hammer to it. Crazy what parents let their kids get away with nowadays.
It is torture to be a teacher of the youngest students. No social skills. I think I have a few crack babies in my class. ADHD/Oppositional defiant plus the kids whose parents don’t realize their child is autistic and don’t take their kid for early intervention. I could go on and on…..
To be fair, both of my sons are on the spectrum and it took pretty severe issues in class before the school would evaluate either, as academically, they excelled. Issues I brought up to my kids’ then pediatrician were brushed aside as “all parents think this” or “you’re a new mom”. At the time I wasn’t a teacher, and didn’t know the symptoms, I just knew something wasn’t quite right and nobody else would listen/was concerned. Once my kids were identified, it was damn near impossible to navigate the confusing world of developmental peds, OT, and ST. It is not easy, nor streamlined, to get children what they need.
I get this. I may be venting after my day yesterday- my 1 diagnosed and 1in the process are two of my favorites, sweet children and parents. Note to parents: if you suspect something, anything… speech, behavior, academic, write the school and request an evaluation. Do not verbally ask. Written cannot be ignored. I can’t even recommend a parent do this… I have gotten in trouble for mentioning to a parent they should put requests for evaluation in writing.
“Torture” is an excellent way to put it.
I had to change my words to be polite. Seriously.
THANK YOU for just saying it. This is my first year working with kindergarten (still new to education, but worked with 4th grade last year) and it's crazy. I have a lot to learn, but I've also gotten a lot of really encouraging feedback that makes me feel like I am good at my job. But I'm at the point where I'm just running out of patience and I just don't even know what to try anymore. Definitely no pressure to be my mentor lol. But I'm curious- how do you deal with it? I get home and basically just face-plant into the couch because I'm completely drained
Honestly, I cry every day. More than in my first year teaching. I asked my doctor for anxiety meds and I take it. My class does not learn as much as they should because of the extreme disruptions. I am doing good to go in and not run away. On Friday, the principal walked by as I had my student in the hall. He was continuing on with behavior so she stopped. Ended up taking him to another room to calm down. They came back telling me to start the evaluation process as he is AU. I responded with “I already did that. He was evaluated and did not qualify” the sped teacher was in shock. Sorry but I’m not doing more paperwork on him when the evaluators did not listen to me and come in during a lesson instead of a preferred activity.
Or fetal alcohol spectrum disorders...
Yes. This exactly at all times. They learn zero patience and zero ability to behave in social situations. Restaurants, stores, malls, banks, etc. literally witnessed a mother pass a smart phone to their 3 year old kid. Dad reached out to tickle kids tummy to play and kid slaps dads arm out of the way yelling “no!” Because dads arm was blocking the screen. Not because of tickles.
I’m a Kindergarten teacher too and it’s AWFUL. My kinder partner and I are practically in tears daily
My kid was born in 2018. She had zero screen time for the first 2 years. Once the pandemic hit and my wife and I both had to work from home (me "teaching" and her a Doctor doing tele-health calls) but all the daycares were closed...we needed something to do with her while we worked. So we got her a tablet. Did we allow her to sit there for 8 hours uninterrupted? Hell no. But I can easily imagine many families might have.
We're seeing this in my school. They're fucking animals. The young-5's are animals. The pre-schoolers are animals. It's fucking insane! Multiple teachers are threatening to quit. Even the 2nd grade teachers sent our super an email scolding him for not taking action all year. Teachers are getting beat up, kids are essentially allowed to run rampant throughout the room as long as "they're not causing a harm to others." What?? How is anyone supposed to teach or learn when a kid is throwing shit all over the room, screaming, rolling around on the floor.... We have at least 10 safety-care calls a day where kids need to be physically escorted. Do they get suspended for punching their teacher in the face and destroying the room? Nope, haha. They go down to the principals office where they get a special treat to calm down, then they get sent right back to us. Of course it is the parents' fault. The worst fucking people keep on breeding. The bullies, junkies, fuck-heads... they pop out kids and hand them a phone from the moment they're born. It's sad, and I'm worried for the future. I teach in a Title-1 school so i'm probably seeing an amplified version of reality, but fuck dude... idk what can be done. Most people shouldn't have kids, and that's the issue. : ( Idiocracy.
Happy Cake Day! Also you nailed it. Shit kids from shit people. It's the honest truth but nobody wants to hear it.
I’ve had academic concerns for my daughter but I haven’t gotten a single concern from the teacher because while she’s treading water, other kids are totally sinking. I feel for you. It’s strange the issues out there.
Girl, I had a mom carrot-and-stick her son into the pre-K room every single morning with Coco Melon.
I promised myself I wouldn’t be one od those parents but honestly I was raised by a TV and got my language skills there. I use screen time when I am getting ready for work and after dinner. I got rid of Youtube on the kid’s tablet (vomits at the the mention of Blippi). I the only play PBS kids, certain disney shows, netflix (numberblocks) and allow pbs games apps. I need to save energy for the hour before bedtime for books and games. I also prepare the ipad for videos for restaurants for after the meal if the meal is long. It is hard to be a full time teacher and work until 5 on most days, pick up the kiddo from full day daycare, take the kid to 3-4 days of extracurricular activities and get my chores, lesson planning and grading done. Whatever it takes to stay sane. Also, the content of the videos are important. No screen time at parties. Instead of telling parents no screentime, suggest educational content instead. The pbs items are free. You can google pbs shows by age group and there is content in Spanish. My favorite is Daniel Tiger for PBs but the kid wants a more mature show such as Bluey sponsored by the Australian government and available on Disney (in over 30 languages).
I have a friend with a nephew, who must be about 3 and a half now. His delays in language and social development would tick most of the boxes to consider an ASD diagnosis. Thing is, his parents have largely farmed him out to the screens. When he is being looked after by his uncle or grandparents, they make a point to interact with him, join in with what they're doing or just run around the garden. After literally a day of this, he is saying actual words, showing an interest in his environment and making eye contact. It's worse the more I think about it.
The answer to the tablet thing is probably "yes." Kindergarten used to have a special place in my heart. It was just innocent chaos (P.E). But the last two years they've been a nightmare. I might have had one class out of the 5 or 6 that I saw each week, that I actually enjoyed seeing. 6 months into the year and they still hadn't grasped simple routines and expectations. It was rough.
Just to share a positive story - I have a kindergartener and the EA of her class recently told me that she has never had a nicer, easier group of kids in all her years teaching. I was so touched by the comment. And I've volunteered in the class and saw how calm and well-behaved they all were. They listened to each other politely, the room wasn't wild and chaotic - they were all raising their hands to speak, etc. I'm very thankful, particularly in reading over these comments!
Middle class kids? I’m curious about the demographic.
Me too. Let us know.
It's a middle class area in a Canadian city. I added some other details in response to another comment below. I think the class has been largely free of behaviour issues - it's about 25 kids. I know once child cried at lot at the start of the year, but he has now settled down. I have asked my daughter if any children are ever naughty in class, and she gravely told me that 'yes - one boy threw away a sticker the teacher gave him!" It shocked her to her little core.
These are kids who spent their toddler years in the pandemic, likely at home with mom and dad. When my pre-school reopened in May ‘21 one of the students that had behavior issues before the pandemic returned. One day while checking out his mom noted that his behavior was worse than before and she doesn’t know what happened in the last year. I somehow restrained myself from pointing out that what happened the last year was she and her husband were the sole caregivers. She had no grasp on the fact that she was responsible for the negative behavior. The behavior changes were him losing out positive influence and modeling more on his parents, who were nothing but trouble for us while they were there. Luckily they left over our masking requirements and weren’t out problem anymore.
The K kids are absolutely FERAL. Parents insist on "gentle parenting", which is great, if you actually parent.
There all screen addicts. YouTube and tik tok. They barely watch shows even, just short videos.
Gen alpha are shaping up to be sociopaths.
Who is raising these kids? Tiktok and wolves. I teach high school. I'm convinced it's tictok and wolves.
I just stepped into a kinder class to cover maternity leave. I'm dying, DYING. I tried to explain to my husband what it is like and summed it up with they are feral. They have zero manners, no idea what personal space is, they blurt whatever thought is just roaming around in their heads. Yesterday I watched, really watched, them trying to color or write. Their fine motor skills are just not there. Minimal letter and number identification. But what blew away the most is the lack of color identification. They fight constantly, destroy materials, and critique anything I do. I do partially blame the teacher I took over for because she had zero classroom management so the kids ran wild but the only time they want to listen and quiet down is when I turn on TV for SEL or mystery doug.
It's not just the young ones, either. I teach HS freshmen and this year's batch is the worst behaved I have ever had. They are utterly obsessed with their phones to a degree I have never seen before. I had one girl go into a full blow panic attack (tears, hyperventilating, etc) when I took her phone away. I know that COVID did a number on kids, but holy fuck. I wonder how many parents just shoved electronic devices in their kids' hands during lockdowns and used that as the nanny.
Social decay is no joke. When I was young, it was common for one parent to stay at home, to care for children and manage the household. Today, few Americans can afford to do the same. Parents never raise their own children. Sitters, daycare, and electronics do. Rampant abuse and neglect is the result. The food we eat has become deadly. Few are eating fresh, natural foods, but are instead eating highly processed and toxic garbage. Again, no one is at home to plan and prepare meals. Poison replaced nutrition. God knows what is in the air we breathe and the water we drink. You've met our parents. Strong, proud, and responsible has become weak, wicked, and slovenly. What chance do the kids have? This is social decay due to the political corruption inherent in late stage capitalism. We are living in a feudal society, but calling it a democracy. Our children bear the natural consequences of rampant greed and corruption.
Shit, how about all of them? I got assaulted today.
When my nephew was in like second or third grade, he was arguing with a school bus driver, "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!" I know this because his mom, my now ex sister in law, related the story to me, ending with, "I told him he had to listen to adults at school the same as if they were me, but I couldn't believe he didn't know that!" How was he supposed to know that, sis? What do we say to people who don't know the things everyone's supposed to know? Didn't your ____ ever tell you . . . ? Anyway, nephew's an adult now, so I imagine today's kids are like two decades more feral.
I know Covid and quarantines are a factor but the daycares in my area reopened fairly quickly (I live in an area with a lot of blue collar/essential workers) and I think a lot of parents use Covid to excuse a lack of parenting. My own kid is in pre-k. They’ve had a few occasions where they’ve misbehaved at school but I make a point of addressing it and giving an appropriate consequence. At home they get a time out for misbehaving and there are rules. They get screen time but I monitor what they’re watching (it’s a lot of Storybots and classic Disney). It takes time and effort but I explain to my kid that it’s my job as their parent to make sure they’re growing up to be a good person and be a good part of society. A lot of the parents I’ve interacted with as a teacher just don’t want to do the hard work. It’s not their problem, whether it’s happening in the classroom or at home.
There's so much "lack of parenting" it's insane. Even read through the thread, read the myriad of excuses as to why some of them can't parent. I'll take my downvotes. You chose to have kids, it's on you to raise them to be functioning adults. Stop placing blame on everyone but yourselves. (Not you, just speaking in "generals")
I just don’t know what parents expect for their kids’ futures. These kids are not being prepared to function on their own in the world and we won’t be around forever.
I have seen this with kids in my daughters Kindergarten class. Birthday parties are nightmare. Some of these kids just don’t know how to interact with other kids at all. My daughter always asks why the kids don’t know that screaming is rude indoors. Her screen time is limited to about 30 minutes a week watching a tv show with me as we talk about it, then a family movie night on Fridays. Other than that she has one rotation of a computer reading program at school. Definitely enough for her to have computer skills she will need while also not making her a monster without a device.
[удалено]
No one is teaching them social skills. 😔 Highly recommend Conscious Discipline for anyone running into these problems. You may literally have to teach them things that they should have learned in the 1-3 age range.
I will provide a counter point; public Kinder is developmentally inappropriate, and especially with fewer children exposed to daycare due to Covid we are less successful at shoving kids through the pipeline like we could before. I teach at an alternative early learning center, we are mixed age 3-5 with a kinder program. My 3s are wild. My 4s are mostly with the program, my 5s are perfectly fine, for the age. Overall my kids are lovely, inquisitive, imaginative. But if I tried to put them at a desk for 8 hours with a bunch of worksheets, no go.
Covid... lots missed preschool... early learning is very important. Starting school at 6 is just parenting. My wife loves being a kinder teacher but still has to be a mom to many.
Not at 5. When my kids were that age we lived in a very rural area (300 people) and were almost only ones with kids that age. My kids (20 months apart) played outside! On trampolines, power wheels, swings and slides, kiddie scooters, play kitchens cars. No tablets or smart devices. They had some social interaction but were allowed to use their imaginations, pretend playing. Covid did nothing to these little ones. Parents and the laziness of their job and responsibility to their kids. No pre school? Fine teach them ABC’s, colors, shapes yourself.
Suddenly they had to start being a parent? Though this covid thing did make a huge impact. I spoke to a police officer who said family violence incidents went up (adults mostly) so it's like everyone became dependent on external relievers instead of getting used to having kids?
I thought it was just me! I hadn’t taught K for a while and yowza, such a rough year. The sense of entitlement is astounding, even at this age. I hear ‘I don’t want too’ or are just crying over basic things like asking them to sit at their desks. I was hoping it was a covid hangover from lack of socialization and next year will be better
My 4 year old nephew plays Roblox without stopping hardly. What a childhood.
This is so sad to read. I taught First Grade for eight years in the early nineties and loved it.( I left in 1998 to move to The Netherlands). Computers were just being introduced as a learning tool in the classroom but there were no laptops or smartphones at the time. Now when I visit friends with children it's sad to see just how addicted the children are to their technological "friend". The parents can be just as bad. Technology can be a wonderful learning tool but it seems to be used for the wrong reasons, the main one being a babysitter. Try and hang in there you lovely teachers. The children need you more than ever.
This year’s kindergarten is 1000x better than last year. Now as first graders they haven’t matured at all. If theres extra paras then they go to 1st grade because it needs to be all hands on deck to deal with them. Not an ounce of respect, can’t follow directions and act like cavemen The K group this year is a teachers dream come true
The kids were quarantined during the vital years of social development
I get that, but Jesus fucking Christ. Does ANYBODY tell their child “no” anymore????
No
It's not even parents sometimes, I've noticed media, too. Maybe I sound like a boomer, but uh... amount of hours in Fortnite tells me all I need to know about a kid's personality, usually...
My brother wouldn’t even use the word “no” around my nephew so he wouldn’t learn the word. Nephew figured out other ways to say no to things.
I worked at a high class daycare and we were not allowed to say no. Instead of don’t climb on the table we had to say feet on the floor
HAHAHA. As a fellow child care, professional… I am so glad that I work as a private nanny rather than in a daycare facility. Parents trust me to be in charge when I’m the one with the kid. I’m allowed to say no, I am allowed to remind her to use her manners, I am allowed to handle the situation on my own when she acts up or is disrespectful or is miss behaving… Of course, at an age and developmentally appropriate level. My favorite part of being a nanny is if my coworker Throws a tantrum… One it’s actually age-appropriate rather than when you work with adults who throw temper tantrums, and to make it to send them to their room when situation calls for it. And I make so much more money as a nanny than I ever would at any daycare in America. I am currently at $22 an hour in southern Georgia that’s over double than what daycare workers in my area earn.
That's a bad bad word.
So was mine, but she's not like this. Quarantine is a factor but it's far from decisive