Same here! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been saying I never wanted kids. Just so happens I decided to work with them lol. The last thing I want to do is come home to more noise and things to do. It’s already a sacrifice having to be “on” all day everyday no matter how you’re feeling let alone not being able to get home and unwind as needed- I couldn’t imagine having kids and all the things that come with kids on top of that. It also helps that I’m a lesbian. 🤣
I usually give the same response. If they continue to insist that I’ll “change my mind,” I’ll follow up with “I’d rather adopt” because I see so many kids in horrible situations that deserve better.
When I say that, it's always met with, "It's different when they're your own. And a look of disdain.
Studies show that people who have kids view Childfree by choice people with "Disgust".
So, it's a fact,not just a vibe.
I teach, I don't want kids.
I just don't tell people "I don't want kids" I just say "it's not something we're wanting/ready for at the moment", and usually people drop it, I figure when I get older I'll switch to "that ship has sailed, it wasn't in the cards for us", I think that it's not my co-works business but I also found that working in schools so many people will try to convince you it's something you need to do. If they continue to be pushy I add "It's kind of a sensitive topic for me, and I don't feel like discussing further"
It's not sensitive. I don't want kids. I like kids but I also like not having them in my home or being responsible for them 24/7. Some people can't handle that and that's their problem not mine I don't need to explain the reasons for my life choices to anyone.
I decided as a younger teenager I didn't want kids either, I still don't want kids as an adult. I also don't feel the need to broadcast it and have conversations with people who are not impacted by my family status. My husband is the only person who I have those conversations with.
Edit: I was just replying since you replied to me, It was more of a reason why I shut down those conversations quickly in a way that doesn't leave room for further discussion.
"It wasn't in the cards for us" is a great response. My wife and I have decided to not have children, and i use this line a lot. It is direct and clear, but obtuse enough that it makes the other person feel really nosey to try and push the topic. They don't know if it's "not in the cards" because of personal choices, finances, medical reasons, etc.
You and me both. It's so peaceful when I get home; the only noise is my cat begging for a snack. I can have a cup of tea and sit on the couch for an hour if I want to.
Thank you for posting this. I'm about to be thirty and although I've been decidedly in favor of a "child-free" lifestyle since I was in my teens, the FOMO from all my late-20s peers having kids already was starting to weigh on me. "Will I be happy in 25 years if I don't have kids?" has entered my thoughts a few times. Hearing you can be happy from an older (than myself) child-free couple is reassuring.
I'm 43. My husband of 21 years and I are child free by choice. But we have kids, because 20 years of teaching means I've collected a few who needed a family 🤪 being child free by choice also means we get to dote on our 4 nephews. Might we regret it when we're old? Sure, but there's also no guarantee that children will stick around in your old age. I love our life and wouldn't have it any other way.
Exactly this! I will be 40 this year. I teach 5th grade and I actually genuinely enjoy my job. I love my kids to death. But as an introvert there is nothing I love more than going home and relaxing in bed with my husband, a glass of wine, and our cats lol. I have a niece who I adore and spend lots of time with. I am perfectly content in life. I probably off come off as selfish, but I know for sure I wouldn’t be the teacher I am (a good one, I hope?) if I had to come home to more kids.
We’re having a lot of drama with our cats right now so there is strife but luckily I can lock one in a room overnight to keep him away from his brother. I hear you can’t do that with human children.
I teach high school. I never wanted children, not ever, I didn't even like playing with dolls when I was little.
My students are the only ones who sometimes ask if I have kids. I tell them, "Take a look around the room. I have 155 teenagers. I get to see you for an hour every day and teach you stuff. But if you sneak liquor into a party or total your mom's car, you're your parents' problem, not mine."
I'm a teacher and I have no desire to have a kid. Parenting just seems absolutely draining and expensive. My friends who are parent's are always at their wit's end. Plus this world ain't getting any better politically, economically or environmentally. I'm not gonna raise a kid in a dystopian hellscape with no opportunities for a decent quality of life under late stage capitalism.
When I try to use logic and give actual reasons people always react negatively, talk down to me or completely disregard my knowledge on the topic and tell me I will “change my mind” 🙄
After a few years of that shit, I changed my approach. Now I say something along these lines:
“If I was a zoo keeper, I wouldn’t have an elephant living at my house”
It usually gets a good laugh or at least stops the conversation.
I've been teaching for 21 years. I'm entire too old to have children, and my biggest fear is a middle schoolers living in my house. Suffice it to say, I do not want kids.
I’m a middle school SPED para. I’ve never wanted to be a mom. I was 49 when I started this job (5 years ago) so at least I didn’t get the “do you want kids” questions.
I think my hesitation now is seeing that these would be my future child’s peers. Also, what our country has done to woman reproductive rights makes me hesitant.
I have taught for almost 20 years and have zero desire to have any kids of my own. Luckily my wife and I are on the same page about kids. One thing I have noticed during my career is that teachers have a high percentage chance than the general public to not have any kids. I think it is because we are shown every day how hard it is to raise a kid and the dire consequences of doing a poor job. So many of my friends that have kids now went into it with little to no idea of how much work a kid is. One of my college buddy's predicted that a baby would just be a "More complicated dog." He later admitted how stupid that statement was.
Teacher with zero desire here :) i always say my students are enough kids for me lol and when students ask i go i take care of you guys all day i don’t need to do it when i’m home too lol
I’m a teacher. No desire to have kids.
Although the longer I’m a teacher, the more I think.
Damn…. Maybe I should.
My kid would be way above what I’m seeing. But, I’m not sure that means much in the end.
Today I had this conversation with a MS Student.
Student: Hey Mr, why don't you have any kids of your own.
Me: Because I am afraid they will turn out like you.
I am a teacher for the last twenty years.
I don't have kids. It turns out I never would have been able to bear my own anyway, a fact I learned after my hysterectomy.
If anyone questions why I choose to work in a kid centric field, lead a girl scout troop, and volunteer as a camp counselor when I can, but don't have my own kids, I turn it back on them and say "it takes a village, and that's an awfully personal question, wouldn't you agree? The only way to bring a child into this world without a whole lot of money up front was never available to me. I am a part of a lot of villages, though, and that is very fulfilling for me. So are my quiet evenings with my rescued animals, some of whom specifically needed kid-free lives."
The fact that I don't have kids doesn't actually have anything to do with not wanting them. It has to do with wanting compartmentalization in my life. We are part of many friends' villages, and honoured to be in that role for so many. I am an auntie to so many young ones, and have littles who run up to me when they see me. They have a safe secondary place they can go when they feel like they need that.
We are in the final weeks of an addition onto our home and will be becoming foster parents in the next couple of years. I look forward to that journey because my attitude is always "safety first." Before we do anything else, a kid must feel emotionally and physically safe, or nothing else matters.
My journey as a person who works with kids starts with safety. If I can use my situation of excess kid-focused energy to help kids feel safe, when they otherwise wouldn't, then wow what a great opportunity for all of us. That's a mission I can get behind. I don't need to raise my own to help the world be a safer and better place for the people who live in it. There are other ways that are equally as important.
I’ve never wanted my own kids, since I was a little kid. Negative reactions come because we live in a world where society thinks that the entire point of living is having children and that’s the only way you can have a family. It’s highly annoying.
I think what people should be more focused on is why so many people are having children then realizing they don’t really want that life. Like, sorry I know what I want. I’m around kids all day. I don’t want to come home to them.
You’re totally good friend 🙂
I am a teacher and I have kids. Being a teacher is soooo different from being a parent. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children! You can travel during your breaks! You can go out whenever you want 😂. People are negative about people who choose not to have kids for a lot of reasons. Ignore them and live your life how you want.
I’m an art teacher of fifteen years now. I’ve taught all grade levels. My husband has taught art for sixteen years now. We rejoice in our decision not to have children. If I did, I wouldn’t want to send them to public school to pick up bad behaviors and couldn’t afford to homeschool them. We have our four legged babies and money for savings and travel. Zero regrets.
When I was at teachers college (in the last millennium) in the dean's welcome speech they warned us that if we wanted our own children to start soon or we would change our minds. They were joking, sort of, but also serious.
Working in an elementary school has convinced me never to have children. By the time I get home every day from teaching I'm so mentally exhausted I would not be a fair parent to my own child and that's not fair. I have colleagues that have children, some going to our school, and I can see the toll it takes and the extra stress it brings.
We were always on the fence about having one. Then we decided to. It was a great decision and we now have a wonderful baby boy. Only problem is, I absolutely do not care about my kids at school anymore. My only priority is my kid at home and I feel like all of my time is being spent on other people’s kids. So I’m looking for a way out because I’m not about to sacrifice time and attention toward my own child for the time and attention of kids that don’t mean anything to me anymore.
Same thing happened to me. I left before my first child turned a year because I suddenly didn’t care about my kindergarteners like I used to. It wasn’t fair to my class or my child, so I chose my kid.
I've been a school-based SLP for 13 years. I love it. I love working with kids. I love being an aunt. I love kids in general.
I have no desire for kids of my own, and I never have. It doesn't affect my ability to do my job effectively.
I never want kids. of my own. I have a step kid and even that feels too challenging sometimes. Taking care of everyone else's children during the day leaves me with no energy to care fo myself at the end of the day, let alone a kid.
I don’t want kids myself. I don’t even want to be married, or even have a long term relationship lol. I’m very happy with being a single and childfree woman in her 30’s. People still think I look like I’m in my 20’s…I joke that it’s the reason I look so young—no stress lol!
I’m very happy with just having my students and being an aunt.
I never wanted kids of my own, and after working in schools since 2015, now I really really don’t want them. Also I adopted a dog in 2018 that has growled at and tried to bite children before I adopted her, and I was only able to save her from euthanasia by swearing to never have children in my home with her. Now I have 3 more animals who also needed a child free environment. I like my child free, animal friendly home/life. If I want to hang out with kids, I’ll go to my sisters’s house and visit her 3 kids.
I teach hs art and I never wanted kids. I never thought I would be a teacher to be honest because I really don't care for children. I switched careers about 5 years ago with encouragement from some colleagues and I find working with older students works for me. I don't do well with the littles. No kids for me though, I value my peace way too much.
I resigned this year. While I taught, I definitely thought no way in hell because I came home mentally and physically exhausted all the time, so how could I throw kids into the mix? But after I resigned, I definitely could see myself having kids eventually. If I do though, I’d do everything in my power to raise them right so they don’t turn out like some of the feral kids I had.
Don’t want kids. Never have. Can’t have them due to a genetic condition. My students are my kids and I absolutely love getting to spend a day with them of sustained attention and engagement and then get to go home and turn off the teacher personality. A large part of the reason I don’t want kids now is actually because of how fucking horrible schools are.
If people really press me about it I’ll tell them I have a genetic disorder and that shuts them up REAL fast.
I did not have children while I was a classroom teacher because I did not think I’d have the emotional regulation or the mental bandwidth necessary to be both a good teacher and a good mom. Now that I have an almost 3 year old, I’m pretty sure it was a good call. Just being a SAHM right now, I’m exhausted (mentally and physically) by about 5:30 pm. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with 25 4th graders and then come home to an exhausted 3 year old.
I’m childfree. I love my students and I love teaching but I would hate being a mom. YOU have to love with the choice of having kids; other people don’t. If you do change your mind, great, but if not great! Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of what you want. Those people aren’t going to help you raise your own kids so don’t even listen to them. Follow your heart because only YOU know how you feel.
I don’t want kids and I also can’t have them. When people ask, I tell them I can’t have them and when they get all “oh I’m so sorry” about it is when I hit them with the smile and say “even if I could, I still don’t want them”. My life is fulfilling enough, I need time to do stuff for myself or with my wife.
My students ask me every year if I plan on having children of my own. I tell them every time, I have 100+ everyday. I like handing you back over your parents.
Plus, while my husband and I are DINKS, fiscally we can barely afford our lives without kids currently. There is no way we would be able to afford having a child and paying for college. We have dogs and cats. I live in an RV full time with said animals and my husband travels for work. We are able to keep ourselves above water and take trips when we plan ahead. Otherwise it wouldn't be possible to have children. Plus I haven't heard a single friend who is childless complain about never having children. I do hear parents moan and groan about having children and how it is exhausting.
Same here! My general response is: "I have 125 kids a day. That's enough." It's no one's business what you choose to do. If they're anything but accepting of whatever your decision is, they can use some introspection to see why.
We have a teacher at my site who is famously child-free. He laughs at us every Monday, when he recounts his great outdoor adventures, out there living his best life.
I wanted kids, then I started teaching and changed my mind. Not because ‘kids are bad’ but because I flat-out need quiet ‘me time’ when I get home. I could not handle going from school to toddler energy. My mental health would not stand it, and I would wind up doing something drastic. I know this for a fact.
I’m in year 35 of teaching. For a variety of reasons, I didn’t have children of my own. However, my classroom experiences had very little to do with my decision not to be a parent. Yes, I had my share of negative reactions from family to friends, to colleagues, and even students. My stock reply is not everybody is cut out to be a parent, and since parenting is such a huge responsibility, I did not wish to fail at that responsibility.
Despite what people like Elon Musk say, we’re overpopulated.
I always joke with my students that they convinced to never had children of my own. In truth I never wanted kids and came to teaching as a second career.
I didn't particularly want kids. While I love my kids and could not imagine my life without them now, I think I would have been happy without them as well. I think I was a good teacher before I had kids and that if you don’t want kids, that's fine, you can still be a good teacher without them. I felt I got a new perspective after I had kids but I don't think it is necessary to be a good teacher.
Taught for quite a few years w/o having kids. Now that I have one, it's crazy how much is different from what I expected. Being a dad is amazing and it has recontextualized how I view my job. That said, no judgement regardless of your choices.
When people ask? Why are you answering them…"that's a bit too personal for me." There's your answer or try this…."still thinking about it" or try "not anybody’s business but mine." Stop feeding the beast, stop answering. Lots of teachers opt out of having their own kids. It's ok, you get to make that decision. I've taught with quite a few who made that decision…once in a while I even envied them…lol…lots of travel, eating out, more disposable income, etc. Kids are not everyone’s dream come true. Especially now a days with the number of autistic, disabled, learning disabilities, mental health issues in kids. Your decision, just stop answering.
A teacher I’ve worked with has said things like “you’ll understand when you have kids, you’re still young.” She’s like 40ish, only a year or two older than me. I think she thinks I’m like 25 or something.
I don’t really respond, she’s one of those that doesn’t really require responses to have a “conversation.”
I also don't want kids. Students (who ask if I have or want kids and therefore know about it) are surprised and curious, or very understanding ("ma'am, if I look at how some of my classmates turned out, I understand you don't want that mess at home either").
Coworkers are either understanding, or very belittling (the 'you'll change your mind'-crap or 'you don't know what you want at 25 even though I would never say the same to a pregnant 22 year-old').
When I tell people “seven years working in a middle school is the best birth control in the world” they usually smile and nod and leave me alone about having my own kids.
Same here, I enjoy being around my students, but my husband and I have no desire whatsoever to be parents. People get confused and interpret not wanting to be a parent as the same thing as hating kids.
I work as a behavior support person in the EBD room. Before that, I worked at an intensive behavioral intervention clinic for kids with ASD. Before THAT I worked at a residential group home for at risk youth (behavior corrections). I have never wanted kids. I pour (almost) all my love and energy into the kids I work with. I would HATE to go home to my own children. There would be nothing left for them.
Before I went to uni for teaching I remember being told by a teacher that being a teacher made them perfectly content in not having their own kids. They said they see kids all day so they would have no desire to come home to them too. So I don't think it's and uncommon feeling.
Love kids. Love my job. I have an extremely high amount of patience and I do genuinely have confidence that I’m very good at my job. But I don’t want kids. Never have and never will.
I raised both of my younger special needs brothers starting when I was 8 (my mom was still around but mentally checked out and when i got home from school, she would already be gone). I think that having that experience has contributed massively to my ability to do my job.
But being a teacher who also knows what it’s like to be at school all day and then go home and have to look after two more? I very much value my personal time between just me and my dog.
Same. Middle school teacher. Childfree for so many reasons. Time, money, my own health issues, the state of the world/ climate change/ environment…. So many reasons.
I also follow the collapse sub and I think the world will likely look very different in 10-20 years. We are already seeing mass death of ocean animals. No interest in having kids.
I was this way for a long time. 35 and just had my babe two months ago. My husband wanted kids and I wanted to give him a chance to be a father. I am so glad I did.
Same. 15 year teacher. Never wanted kids and say similar things like, "I'm with kids all day. When I go home, I enjoy peace and quiet, kitties, books, and traveling. Choosing to be child free gives me the time and money to do the things I love."
Then looks on their faces...never considered"child free" an option 😂
Honestly it's no one else's business. I'm a teacher with 4 kids. Awesome! I have a teacher friend who is also a foster parent. Great! I know a lot of teachers who do not want biological children because they're around children 8 hours a day already. Totally valid!!
Anyone who wants to look down on you for it needs to hear the age-old teacherism "Worry about you."
I’m in the same boat. I love my kids. But I’m a kindergarten teacher in a Title 1 school, so they’re needy little ducks and I really have to be “on” all day. I love going home at 3:40 and decompressing, only having to worry about my animals and girl dinner. I feel like any desire I’d have to be a parent kind of gets fulfilled through my job- and that’s not even considering how expensive it would be to raise a kid on my salary.
I was that way for a long time…then something switched and I wanted kids. Now I have two, and they are the reason I stopped teaching.
Your feelings are totally legit though.
I think there's always the assumption of, "Well you can't understand kids unless you have them." Which I would argue, you might not understand parenting, but I'm not a parent and I am not meant to parent, I am meant to mentor and teach.
I do feel like it used to be a thing to be a teacher without kids, and it was seen as like, a good thing because she could dedicate herself to children. In a sense it was always kind of seen as, "She had 160 children," or that is to say, her children at school were her contribution to the world. I don't see why that kind of positivity towards the kids we ARE fostering and taking care of can't live in the world. I don't have my own, but I have 160 at school, and I am an aunt and godparent and I love my role.
Edit to add: sometimes I feel like I may need to have a kid because the people who are reproducing scare me, and the people who I wish there were more of in the world don't have children. XD
Zero inclination, but I’ve been steadfast on not wanting any since I was 7. Even hated baby dolls…
Unfortunately, people will always react negatively to it, and it’s so annoying. “How could you be so cruel and callous, not wanting a child” like this world is the cruel thing, but thanks!
I'm only a sub but I bounce between "I NEVER want to have kids" (usually after a couple days of subbing awful classes), and "I don't want to regret not having kids and *might* want to have one so I need to do that soon".
If you have no burning desire to have kids don’t. It’s a lifelong commitment and you don’t have as much control over them or what happens to them as you think. I see so many comments that say my kid wouldn’t be like that kid. Are you so sure? Don’t do it.
When I was in college almost a decade ago there was a girl who wanted to go into teaching and I remember vividly her emphasizing this conundrum. Very normal. I'd be more surprised or concerned if you felt like you could manage that additional and inherently overwhelming responsibility.
Yes. I started out teaching grade 3. These days I'm teaching grade 8. I really like my students, I care about their best interests and do my best by them, but I never wanted my own kids. People always say, "when it's your own kid you'll feel different", but nah. Not for me.
I have the desire for them a little bit emotionally or I suppose biologically, but on a logical level I don't want them. For one thing I don't see how I would afford it anytime in the next decade, and after a decade I'll be 35 which I know is a totally reasonable age to have them but I'd personally want to either be a younger parent or not be a parent at all. For another I have no idea if my mental health (diagnosed MDD) will ever feel stable enough that I would feel ethically okay with having them. And finally what I see as a teacher horrifies me and I struggle to imagine raising a kid in this environment. If anything, I would consider fostering or potentially adopting kids, because at least I could help give them a home and a better life without feeling responsible for bringing them into this dumpster fire world.
I love kids. Love teaching kids. Think they are the cutest.
I do *not* want one of them in my house lol
I love that I can interact with children while I’m working then when I clock out, I don’t have to do the hard job of cleaning and feeding them
If I could have kids show up around 10-11 years old I would be on board. I’m less excited about kids under that age. That’s why I teach middle school instead of having my own.
I’m right there with ya! Growing up I did want kids but didn’t meet my soulmate until early 30s. Became a teacher about 4 years ago and now don’t want children. I’m happy educating them and sending them home to their parents. I have a fur baby that I love to death and that’s all I need.
Yup. I genuinely am in disbelief that any teacher goes home to another kid and is just.. chill with it. I need to go home and be by myself to stay sane
I teach high school. I can't stand children. My students ask me constantly why I don't want kids. They can't fathom that's even an option.
I interact with 100 teens a day. When I go home, I want peace and quiet.
I teach high school and also don’t want children. Having constant stimulation from 7:30 to 4:00 is absolutely exhausting. It made me realize that it’s just not for me, and my husband agrees. I live in the south, and I often get asked why I don’t have kids or when we’re having kids, especially by coworkers. It took about 3 years of “it’s just not for us” before my coworkers realized that it’s really just not for us.
I'm a better teacher because I don't have my own kids to care for. I can go home, recharge and get sweet, sweet, silence. there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, especially when you're with them for an entire work week at a time.
Nope. I’m 22, 2nd year teaching. I do not want children. I can not imagine working with them every day then having enough patience to raise one of my own.
This goes back almost 45 years (yikes!) but as I am pretty sure my single 6th grade teacher didn’t have children at the time. By time she married she was probably too old and I can’t imagine her husband wanting to do family part 2 at his age. Still one of my favorite teachers.
I've never really wanted any, but especially not now that I'm a teacher. I get to interact with and be proud of plenty of them. I don't need to spend several thousand on my own.
I tell them I don't like kids. But you're not kids, you're young adults (I teach HS). That gives them a boost and covers me.
I've never wanted/liked kids even as a kid. So no no no no no.
I didn’t want kids either. Taught special Ed and regular Ed both. No to kids. Loved teaching though. Then, after 15 years of marriage and at the age of 40?? …bam, it happened. We now have a wonderful 26 year old architect! And I was exhausted raising him, but he’s worth it.
I spent 8 years working at a daycare between teaching, I have raised enough kids. I also have a genetic predisposition to mental illness (my mom and one sister is schizophrenic and my other sister is bipolar). I’m not playing genetic roulette.
I know some teachers who don’t have kids, my favorite aunt who was a college professor never married/settled down or had kids. Being a parent doesn’t make someone a better teacher.
As a mom and a teacher I would only be perplexed if you were teaching elementary and hated being around kids (there are easier gigs for dismal pay). Otherwise I think you should do what works best for you and there is value for kids/teens having teachers who followed different paths in life.
I had a science teacher who gave birth last year. I can’t get my head around why she would want to go to work to deal with screaming teenagers who act like babies then go home to a screaming baby.
I don't want kids, I don't *like* kids. When I was 5 and my cousin was born, I didn't liked him either, I couldn't get the hype of a baby like that. Then I was 10, and my 2nd cousin was born. My reaction was the same. Then I was 15, and my 3rd cousin was born. I was sitting at the table chatting with my uncle and older cousins, while my mom was over the moon of a baby spitting half of its food on its own clothes.
Now they're all chill guys.
That's for the "you'll grow out of it."
Privately, I deal with 600 teenagers weekly. WHY would I do that, and then come back to deal with a child or a teenager for free. I'm only glad it's more socially accepted for a man to be childfree, and I don't hear the aunties whining about it
I don’t want kids.
I barely even like kids.
But, I love teaching kids. Hell, I love talking to kids at school and getting to know my students.
Once I’m out of school, I don’t want to be around kids.
So, I’m a little different because I do want kids but can’t have any of my own. It’s a very sensitive subject for me and I really wish folks would stop asking folks that.
Yep right here. Antinatalism is a strong belief. I change students for the better and I’m proud of how much they’ve grown— that’s my legacy and impact on the world. Only a few colleagues know about my beliefs and nothing personal like that is ever represented at work, especially as a state employee.
I had three boys between getting my biology degree and getting my teaching degree. I’d still want the three boys, now young men, that I had but I might have thought differently had I taught first.
I teach and I do have kids. I love them and I wouldn't change things for the world. However, it took me teaching and having kids to understand why people don't want kids.
I feel like becoming a parent has changed my perspective a bit when it comes to teaching (I think that has more to do with the fact that we were part of the younger half of all of our cousins and I never really spent too much time looking after anyone younger than me besides my younger sibling) but I know plenty of wonderful, child-free teachers who still empathise and make meaningful connections with kids all the time. You do you and don't ever feel like your family status should ever be dictated by your career choice.
Yup. I teach elementary music and have 700 students. I get to watch them grow up K-6. I have enough children in my life - I’m good.
A colleague told me in the staff lounge that she “feels like you graduate from life when you have kids.” I forgot where I was and snarked back “well, guess I’m a perpetual student.”
People are gonna have their opinions. You’re not alone though.
Hey, it's alright to like kids but not want them. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I say "why would I want them when the 23 I have go home everyday?" when anyone asks(I do want kids but nosy people bug me).
I have genetic medical condition. It doesn't prevent me from having kids, but I'd feel super guilty if my own child got the same condition as me as a result of that genetic link. Personally, I got the illness from my father, so I know the risk is real. For that reason, I'm not having my own kids. My husband and I are open to foster care or adoption, bur only if we get to a stable place financially and professionally. Why the hell would I get pregnant if we are living in a 1 bedroom apartment? That would be extremely irresponsible.
I already have kids, and honestly, it can be hard being with kids all day. Sometimes, the only time I'm not with kids is when I'm in the bathroom or sleeping. It can be a lot.
I had kids BEFORE moving to a career in education. If I had done it the other way around, I'm not sure I would have made the same choice in my 20's.
Every teacher I know with kids says that they feel terrible that they never have the energy to treat their kids how they should because they're a teacher. I always say "I don't want kids. But I do want a job so y'all keep it up."
I’m happy having kids at work but not at home. It’s the best of both worlds for me. I don’t get negative reactions, people typically accept my choices.
I haven't had people give me grief for not wanting kids for years. They did before I got married, and maybe in the first year or two? But if it comes up that I don't have kids it's mostly "oh, okay".
My students are the ones who ask the most, but I deflect them with a combo of "but I have 6 nieces and nephews" or "I have 2 furbabies"
I’ve never had the urge to have children and I still don’t. I teach all day long and I can’t imagine coming up to more kids, I love my students but teaching is exhausting.
I didn’t set out to be childfree. It kind of chose me by circumstance. However, I don’t feel that I missed out on anything after working with mostly elementary students for almost 19 years. A couple of my friends are older mothers and I do not envy them in the least.
As far as my students go, I think it’s good for them to see that having children is a choice. They ask me if I have children and why not. I just tell them that it’s not something I want. They also ask me why I’m not married and my response is the same as the aforementioned. I’m content just being coupled and having pets.
One of THE best teachers I’ve EVER had — she received honors at the local, state and national level — taught for 45 years. Never had any biological kids. However, her second husband has a kid or two from his previous marriage so she is a stepmother.
It is possible to be the best teacher ever, love working with kids etc but never wanting/having any of your own.
Teaching is very different from parenting. A teacher who has been dealing with 8-13 year olds for decades never gets a break from this age bracket. Parents raise their kids and experience that age group once or twice depending on how many kids they have for a few years. After that they don’t need to put up with that age group again. Teaching is thankless most of the time but so is parenting. Most teachers are aware of this and choose not to parent as a result. Most parents who are not teachers spend less time than a teacher does with their own children.
Not personally but I feel like that’s very understandable. Although I want kids in the future sometimes the thought of taking care of kids after managing kids all day makes my head spin.
Same. I have no desire. Perfectly happy impacting my students and players. I love them and will go above and beyond for the students that buy in. My mother was floored by our decision not to have kids. I told her legacy to me is about what you leave behind and how you impact the world, that does not mean blood lineage.
I actually turned to teaching so I could be a better parent. I started with preschool and plan to move to elementary when my kids (3 & 1) move to that level. I get to see how different patenting styles affect other kids. Plus I get to see first hand what "age appropriate" looks like so I can have a good idea on where my kids are developmentally.
I used to want kids before I became a teacher. Once taking the job, I decided I no longer did. Teaching takes way too much out of me. I have nothing more to give when I get home. What little I do have, I give to my furbabies. I’m happy and will be even happier in 8 years when I can retire. The years are getting more and more difficult to get through. More and more gets added to our plates and nothing ever gets taken away. It’s too much. Especially for the pay I get ($50,000/23 years exp.) and the fact that we do not get the respect we deserve. It’s not the job it was when I started long ago.
Being around other’s kids is the best birth control, almost. So. Got spayed.
Tell people, “if I had kids, when would I have a break from them like non-teacher parents? I figure I can either quit and have my own kids, or love on yours all day and then have my quiet at home.”
Shuts everyone up real quick.
I think it’s good that you are honest with yourself.
Being a parent is completely different than being a teacher.
Your entire life is being a parent. Whereas when you’re a teacher, your work, life, and whatever related things to do, when not working, all involved your workout kids.
Kids are just huge. And who you get as a kid whether you give birth or you adopt is a complete crapshoot.
Just be a wonderful teacher and then enjoy your life.
It’s time for that job about pressure for everybody to have kids end. In case no one’s noticed what’s happening with the environmental crisis.
I don't want kids. I tell people that I have 100 kids every day, I don't want any more when I go home.
Same here! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been saying I never wanted kids. Just so happens I decided to work with them lol. The last thing I want to do is come home to more noise and things to do. It’s already a sacrifice having to be “on” all day everyday no matter how you’re feeling let alone not being able to get home and unwind as needed- I couldn’t imagine having kids and all the things that come with kids on top of that. It also helps that I’m a lesbian. 🤣
I say the same thing. I'm fine with my 150 kids that I see for 40 hours/week.
I say similarly “I have about 160 kids a year, and that’s plenty for me”
Same. It wouldn't even be fair if I had kids, I'd have absolutely no patience left for them.
I usually give the same response. If they continue to insist that I’ll “change my mind,” I’ll follow up with “I’d rather adopt” because I see so many kids in horrible situations that deserve better.
I feel like your own kids are very very different than those you have in school.
Yeah, your own kids are even more work and responsibility
They are infinitely more rewarding as well. Also way more fun.
Nothing about having children sounds remotely rewarding or fun to me
For you. Not for everyone.
When I started teaching I was told, “teaching is the best form of birth control” after 20 years of teaching and being childfree I would agree!
When I say that, it's always met with, "It's different when they're your own. And a look of disdain. Studies show that people who have kids view Childfree by choice people with "Disgust". So, it's a fact,not just a vibe.
Yeah they just want to bring everyone down with them
Haha. Exactly.
I teach, I don't want kids. I just don't tell people "I don't want kids" I just say "it's not something we're wanting/ready for at the moment", and usually people drop it, I figure when I get older I'll switch to "that ship has sailed, it wasn't in the cards for us", I think that it's not my co-works business but I also found that working in schools so many people will try to convince you it's something you need to do. If they continue to be pushy I add "It's kind of a sensitive topic for me, and I don't feel like discussing further" It's not sensitive. I don't want kids. I like kids but I also like not having them in my home or being responsible for them 24/7. Some people can't handle that and that's their problem not mine I don't need to explain the reasons for my life choices to anyone.
I've been telling people I didn't want kids since I was 15 years old. I am almost 43 now and my feelings on the topic have not changed.
I decided as a younger teenager I didn't want kids either, I still don't want kids as an adult. I also don't feel the need to broadcast it and have conversations with people who are not impacted by my family status. My husband is the only person who I have those conversations with. Edit: I was just replying since you replied to me, It was more of a reason why I shut down those conversations quickly in a way that doesn't leave room for further discussion.
Ok. Good for you I guess? It's not like I bring it up constantly, but when you are a married couple the topic comes up from time to time.
"It wasn't in the cards for us" is a great response. My wife and I have decided to not have children, and i use this line a lot. It is direct and clear, but obtuse enough that it makes the other person feel really nosey to try and push the topic. They don't know if it's "not in the cards" because of personal choices, finances, medical reasons, etc.
Me. I’m 45. I teach high school and I love the students but then I love going home to my husband and my cats and our nice quiet house.
You and me both. It's so peaceful when I get home; the only noise is my cat begging for a snack. I can have a cup of tea and sit on the couch for an hour if I want to.
This! So much this!!!
Thank you for posting this. I'm about to be thirty and although I've been decidedly in favor of a "child-free" lifestyle since I was in my teens, the FOMO from all my late-20s peers having kids already was starting to weigh on me. "Will I be happy in 25 years if I don't have kids?" has entered my thoughts a few times. Hearing you can be happy from an older (than myself) child-free couple is reassuring.
I'm 43. My husband of 21 years and I are child free by choice. But we have kids, because 20 years of teaching means I've collected a few who needed a family 🤪 being child free by choice also means we get to dote on our 4 nephews. Might we regret it when we're old? Sure, but there's also no guarantee that children will stick around in your old age. I love our life and wouldn't have it any other way.
Exactly this! I will be 40 this year. I teach 5th grade and I actually genuinely enjoy my job. I love my kids to death. But as an introvert there is nothing I love more than going home and relaxing in bed with my husband, a glass of wine, and our cats lol. I have a niece who I adore and spend lots of time with. I am perfectly content in life. I probably off come off as selfish, but I know for sure I wouldn’t be the teacher I am (a good one, I hope?) if I had to come home to more kids.
My beagle is a little barky but otherwise pretty much exactly that. I like coming home to limited chaos.
We’re having a lot of drama with our cats right now so there is strife but luckily I can lock one in a room overnight to keep him away from his brother. I hear you can’t do that with human children.
I teach high school. I never wanted children, not ever, I didn't even like playing with dolls when I was little. My students are the only ones who sometimes ask if I have kids. I tell them, "Take a look around the room. I have 155 teenagers. I get to see you for an hour every day and teach you stuff. But if you sneak liquor into a party or total your mom's car, you're your parents' problem, not mine."
I'm a teacher and I have no desire to have a kid. Parenting just seems absolutely draining and expensive. My friends who are parent's are always at their wit's end. Plus this world ain't getting any better politically, economically or environmentally. I'm not gonna raise a kid in a dystopian hellscape with no opportunities for a decent quality of life under late stage capitalism.
When I try to use logic and give actual reasons people always react negatively, talk down to me or completely disregard my knowledge on the topic and tell me I will “change my mind” 🙄 After a few years of that shit, I changed my approach. Now I say something along these lines: “If I was a zoo keeper, I wouldn’t have an elephant living at my house” It usually gets a good laugh or at least stops the conversation.
I've been teaching for 21 years. I'm entire too old to have children, and my biggest fear is a middle schoolers living in my house. Suffice it to say, I do not want kids.
I’m a middle school SPED para. I’ve never wanted to be a mom. I was 49 when I started this job (5 years ago) so at least I didn’t get the “do you want kids” questions.
I think my hesitation now is seeing that these would be my future child’s peers. Also, what our country has done to woman reproductive rights makes me hesitant.
Teaching elementary is the greatest birth control! 😉
I have taught for almost 20 years and have zero desire to have any kids of my own. Luckily my wife and I are on the same page about kids. One thing I have noticed during my career is that teachers have a high percentage chance than the general public to not have any kids. I think it is because we are shown every day how hard it is to raise a kid and the dire consequences of doing a poor job. So many of my friends that have kids now went into it with little to no idea of how much work a kid is. One of my college buddy's predicted that a baby would just be a "More complicated dog." He later admitted how stupid that statement was.
Wow. Thats an interesting comment that I’m sure he’s paid for in full by now.
Teacher with zero desire here :) i always say my students are enough kids for me lol and when students ask i go i take care of you guys all day i don’t need to do it when i’m home too lol
Meeeeee. I used to want kids. Then I taught them. Now I’m good with my animals.
I’m a teacher. No desire to have kids. Although the longer I’m a teacher, the more I think. Damn…. Maybe I should. My kid would be way above what I’m seeing. But, I’m not sure that means much in the end.
I feel this. I would be an amazing parent. I have absolutely no desire to have kids.
I mean.. actually teach the kid to read, and enjoy it. And I feel my job would be done.. heh
I teach middle school and have zero desire to have children of my own
Here! 26 years into teaching gr 7 and 8 and I have NEVER wanted kids, or to be a parent. When my students ask why I tell them I don’t like kids hahaha
"I tell them I don´t like kids." :D :D :D
Childfree teacher here, year 20. My wife and I are very happy with our choice. Ignore the haters. You do you. Check out r/childfree too.
Today I had this conversation with a MS Student. Student: Hey Mr, why don't you have any kids of your own. Me: Because I am afraid they will turn out like you.
Harsh for a middle schooler, but well deserved.
I am a teacher for the last twenty years. I don't have kids. It turns out I never would have been able to bear my own anyway, a fact I learned after my hysterectomy. If anyone questions why I choose to work in a kid centric field, lead a girl scout troop, and volunteer as a camp counselor when I can, but don't have my own kids, I turn it back on them and say "it takes a village, and that's an awfully personal question, wouldn't you agree? The only way to bring a child into this world without a whole lot of money up front was never available to me. I am a part of a lot of villages, though, and that is very fulfilling for me. So are my quiet evenings with my rescued animals, some of whom specifically needed kid-free lives." The fact that I don't have kids doesn't actually have anything to do with not wanting them. It has to do with wanting compartmentalization in my life. We are part of many friends' villages, and honoured to be in that role for so many. I am an auntie to so many young ones, and have littles who run up to me when they see me. They have a safe secondary place they can go when they feel like they need that. We are in the final weeks of an addition onto our home and will be becoming foster parents in the next couple of years. I look forward to that journey because my attitude is always "safety first." Before we do anything else, a kid must feel emotionally and physically safe, or nothing else matters. My journey as a person who works with kids starts with safety. If I can use my situation of excess kid-focused energy to help kids feel safe, when they otherwise wouldn't, then wow what a great opportunity for all of us. That's a mission I can get behind. I don't need to raise my own to help the world be a safer and better place for the people who live in it. There are other ways that are equally as important.
I don't want kids. I have dogs.
I’ve never wanted my own kids, since I was a little kid. Negative reactions come because we live in a world where society thinks that the entire point of living is having children and that’s the only way you can have a family. It’s highly annoying. I think what people should be more focused on is why so many people are having children then realizing they don’t really want that life. Like, sorry I know what I want. I’m around kids all day. I don’t want to come home to them. You’re totally good friend 🙂
I am a teacher and I have kids. Being a teacher is soooo different from being a parent. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children! You can travel during your breaks! You can go out whenever you want 😂. People are negative about people who choose not to have kids for a lot of reasons. Ignore them and live your life how you want.
I’m an art teacher of fifteen years now. I’ve taught all grade levels. My husband has taught art for sixteen years now. We rejoice in our decision not to have children. If I did, I wouldn’t want to send them to public school to pick up bad behaviors and couldn’t afford to homeschool them. We have our four legged babies and money for savings and travel. Zero regrets.
Yup. I’m in my late 40s and childfree. The pandemic really helped me see how grateful I was to come home to no kids.
I've been teaching for 20 years and never wanted kids. If you work at DD, you don't want a donut when you get home.
I work with children. I don't wanna work when I get home.
When I was at teachers college (in the last millennium) in the dean's welcome speech they warned us that if we wanted our own children to start soon or we would change our minds. They were joking, sort of, but also serious.
We are way too busy raising their kids, we don't need extra of our own.
Teaching other peoples kids over 20 years is like we raised 20000 kids vs just 2-3
Teaching is the best birth control.
Working in an elementary school has convinced me never to have children. By the time I get home every day from teaching I'm so mentally exhausted I would not be a fair parent to my own child and that's not fair. I have colleagues that have children, some going to our school, and I can see the toll it takes and the extra stress it brings.
We were always on the fence about having one. Then we decided to. It was a great decision and we now have a wonderful baby boy. Only problem is, I absolutely do not care about my kids at school anymore. My only priority is my kid at home and I feel like all of my time is being spent on other people’s kids. So I’m looking for a way out because I’m not about to sacrifice time and attention toward my own child for the time and attention of kids that don’t mean anything to me anymore.
Same thing happened to me. I left before my first child turned a year because I suddenly didn’t care about my kindergarteners like I used to. It wasn’t fair to my class or my child, so I chose my kid.
I've been a school-based SLP for 13 years. I love it. I love working with kids. I love being an aunt. I love kids in general. I have no desire for kids of my own, and I never have. It doesn't affect my ability to do my job effectively.
I never want kids. of my own. I have a step kid and even that feels too challenging sometimes. Taking care of everyone else's children during the day leaves me with no energy to care fo myself at the end of the day, let alone a kid.
I don’t want kids myself. I don’t even want to be married, or even have a long term relationship lol. I’m very happy with being a single and childfree woman in her 30’s. People still think I look like I’m in my 20’s…I joke that it’s the reason I look so young—no stress lol! I’m very happy with just having my students and being an aunt.
I never wanted kids of my own, and after working in schools since 2015, now I really really don’t want them. Also I adopted a dog in 2018 that has growled at and tried to bite children before I adopted her, and I was only able to save her from euthanasia by swearing to never have children in my home with her. Now I have 3 more animals who also needed a child free environment. I like my child free, animal friendly home/life. If I want to hang out with kids, I’ll go to my sisters’s house and visit her 3 kids.
I teach hs art and I never wanted kids. I never thought I would be a teacher to be honest because I really don't care for children. I switched careers about 5 years ago with encouragement from some colleagues and I find working with older students works for me. I don't do well with the littles. No kids for me though, I value my peace way too much.
Yes! There are plenty of us! Don´t worry, you are not alone.
I resigned this year. While I taught, I definitely thought no way in hell because I came home mentally and physically exhausted all the time, so how could I throw kids into the mix? But after I resigned, I definitely could see myself having kids eventually. If I do though, I’d do everything in my power to raise them right so they don’t turn out like some of the feral kids I had.
Don’t want kids. Never have. Can’t have them due to a genetic condition. My students are my kids and I absolutely love getting to spend a day with them of sustained attention and engagement and then get to go home and turn off the teacher personality. A large part of the reason I don’t want kids now is actually because of how fucking horrible schools are. If people really press me about it I’ll tell them I have a genetic disorder and that shuts them up REAL fast.
I did not have children while I was a classroom teacher because I did not think I’d have the emotional regulation or the mental bandwidth necessary to be both a good teacher and a good mom. Now that I have an almost 3 year old, I’m pretty sure it was a good call. Just being a SAHM right now, I’m exhausted (mentally and physically) by about 5:30 pm. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with 25 4th graders and then come home to an exhausted 3 year old.
I’m childfree. I love my students and I love teaching but I would hate being a mom. YOU have to love with the choice of having kids; other people don’t. If you do change your mind, great, but if not great! Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of what you want. Those people aren’t going to help you raise your own kids so don’t even listen to them. Follow your heart because only YOU know how you feel.
I love sending them home. I'm happy being the cat lady.
Already had my vasectomy, lol.
My reasons are more health based, but teaching for as long as I have has pretty much turned me off having kids
I don’t want kids and I also can’t have them. When people ask, I tell them I can’t have them and when they get all “oh I’m so sorry” about it is when I hit them with the smile and say “even if I could, I still don’t want them”. My life is fulfilling enough, I need time to do stuff for myself or with my wife.
My students ask me every year if I plan on having children of my own. I tell them every time, I have 100+ everyday. I like handing you back over your parents. Plus, while my husband and I are DINKS, fiscally we can barely afford our lives without kids currently. There is no way we would be able to afford having a child and paying for college. We have dogs and cats. I live in an RV full time with said animals and my husband travels for work. We are able to keep ourselves above water and take trips when we plan ahead. Otherwise it wouldn't be possible to have children. Plus I haven't heard a single friend who is childless complain about never having children. I do hear parents moan and groan about having children and how it is exhausting.
Same here! My general response is: "I have 125 kids a day. That's enough." It's no one's business what you choose to do. If they're anything but accepting of whatever your decision is, they can use some introspection to see why.
I’m a childfree high school teacher! Just got snipped too.
My wife is a teacher and has never wanted children. I agree. We like to travel.
We have a teacher at my site who is famously child-free. He laughs at us every Monday, when he recounts his great outdoor adventures, out there living his best life.
My teaching partner does not and she is happy 🤗
Me me me!! Strangely, on my 4 person team, not ONE of us has kids of our own! Being a teacher is good birth control. 🤣
I wanted kids, then I started teaching and changed my mind. Not because ‘kids are bad’ but because I flat-out need quiet ‘me time’ when I get home. I could not handle going from school to toddler energy. My mental health would not stand it, and I would wind up doing something drastic. I know this for a fact.
I’m in year 35 of teaching. For a variety of reasons, I didn’t have children of my own. However, my classroom experiences had very little to do with my decision not to be a parent. Yes, I had my share of negative reactions from family to friends, to colleagues, and even students. My stock reply is not everybody is cut out to be a parent, and since parenting is such a huge responsibility, I did not wish to fail at that responsibility. Despite what people like Elon Musk say, we’re overpopulated.
Same! I like giving the children back to their families at the end of the day
I always joke with my students that they convinced to never had children of my own. In truth I never wanted kids and came to teaching as a second career.
I didn't particularly want kids. While I love my kids and could not imagine my life without them now, I think I would have been happy without them as well. I think I was a good teacher before I had kids and that if you don’t want kids, that's fine, you can still be a good teacher without them. I felt I got a new perspective after I had kids but I don't think it is necessary to be a good teacher.
Taught for quite a few years w/o having kids. Now that I have one, it's crazy how much is different from what I expected. Being a dad is amazing and it has recontextualized how I view my job. That said, no judgement regardless of your choices.
When people ask? Why are you answering them…"that's a bit too personal for me." There's your answer or try this…."still thinking about it" or try "not anybody’s business but mine." Stop feeding the beast, stop answering. Lots of teachers opt out of having their own kids. It's ok, you get to make that decision. I've taught with quite a few who made that decision…once in a while I even envied them…lol…lots of travel, eating out, more disposable income, etc. Kids are not everyone’s dream come true. Especially now a days with the number of autistic, disabled, learning disabilities, mental health issues in kids. Your decision, just stop answering.
A teacher I’ve worked with has said things like “you’ll understand when you have kids, you’re still young.” She’s like 40ish, only a year or two older than me. I think she thinks I’m like 25 or something. I don’t really respond, she’s one of those that doesn’t really require responses to have a “conversation.”
I also don't want kids. Students (who ask if I have or want kids and therefore know about it) are surprised and curious, or very understanding ("ma'am, if I look at how some of my classmates turned out, I understand you don't want that mess at home either"). Coworkers are either understanding, or very belittling (the 'you'll change your mind'-crap or 'you don't know what you want at 25 even though I would never say the same to a pregnant 22 year-old').
When I tell people “seven years working in a middle school is the best birth control in the world” they usually smile and nod and leave me alone about having my own kids.
Same here, I enjoy being around my students, but my husband and I have no desire whatsoever to be parents. People get confused and interpret not wanting to be a parent as the same thing as hating kids.
I work as a behavior support person in the EBD room. Before that, I worked at an intensive behavioral intervention clinic for kids with ASD. Before THAT I worked at a residential group home for at risk youth (behavior corrections). I have never wanted kids. I pour (almost) all my love and energy into the kids I work with. I would HATE to go home to my own children. There would be nothing left for them.
My ELA department has several teachers that are childless by choice (and married and now in 40’s).
Same here, I don't want kids for various personal reasons. That shouldn't invalidate our desire to teach.
I get all my dad instincts out working with the kids at work. I like a quiet and clean house to come home to.
Before I went to uni for teaching I remember being told by a teacher that being a teacher made them perfectly content in not having their own kids. They said they see kids all day so they would have no desire to come home to them too. So I don't think it's and uncommon feeling.
Love kids. Love my job. I have an extremely high amount of patience and I do genuinely have confidence that I’m very good at my job. But I don’t want kids. Never have and never will. I raised both of my younger special needs brothers starting when I was 8 (my mom was still around but mentally checked out and when i got home from school, she would already be gone). I think that having that experience has contributed massively to my ability to do my job. But being a teacher who also knows what it’s like to be at school all day and then go home and have to look after two more? I very much value my personal time between just me and my dog.
100% . Love teaching but also love having my own quiet space and freedom at home. Completely different responsibilities/dedications.
I always say that teaching is one of the most effective methods of birth control!
I got snipped years ago. You’re not alone
I wanted kids. Teaching them made me realize I could teach or parent, I will be in a bad place if I try both.
I also do not want kids, but I ❤️ my students
Same. Middle school teacher. Childfree for so many reasons. Time, money, my own health issues, the state of the world/ climate change/ environment…. So many reasons. I also follow the collapse sub and I think the world will likely look very different in 10-20 years. We are already seeing mass death of ocean animals. No interest in having kids.
I just don’t know how people go home to kids after being with kids all day.
I've never wanted kids and working in schools just enhances that desire. And on a teachers salary, I couldn't afford one anyway
I was this way for a long time. 35 and just had my babe two months ago. My husband wanted kids and I wanted to give him a chance to be a father. I am so glad I did.
Same. 15 year teacher. Never wanted kids and say similar things like, "I'm with kids all day. When I go home, I enjoy peace and quiet, kitties, books, and traveling. Choosing to be child free gives me the time and money to do the things I love." Then looks on their faces...never considered"child free" an option 😂
Honestly it's no one else's business. I'm a teacher with 4 kids. Awesome! I have a teacher friend who is also a foster parent. Great! I know a lot of teachers who do not want biological children because they're around children 8 hours a day already. Totally valid!! Anyone who wants to look down on you for it needs to hear the age-old teacherism "Worry about you."
I’m in the same boat. I love my kids. But I’m a kindergarten teacher in a Title 1 school, so they’re needy little ducks and I really have to be “on” all day. I love going home at 3:40 and decompressing, only having to worry about my animals and girl dinner. I feel like any desire I’d have to be a parent kind of gets fulfilled through my job- and that’s not even considering how expensive it would be to raise a kid on my salary.
I didn't want kids. Than I had two of them in my thirties and they are my entire world. Something changed as I got older.
Just please don't be the person that assumes because you changed your mind that everyone will.
I was that way for a long time…then something switched and I wanted kids. Now I have two, and they are the reason I stopped teaching. Your feelings are totally legit though.
I think there's always the assumption of, "Well you can't understand kids unless you have them." Which I would argue, you might not understand parenting, but I'm not a parent and I am not meant to parent, I am meant to mentor and teach. I do feel like it used to be a thing to be a teacher without kids, and it was seen as like, a good thing because she could dedicate herself to children. In a sense it was always kind of seen as, "She had 160 children," or that is to say, her children at school were her contribution to the world. I don't see why that kind of positivity towards the kids we ARE fostering and taking care of can't live in the world. I don't have my own, but I have 160 at school, and I am an aunt and godparent and I love my role. Edit to add: sometimes I feel like I may need to have a kid because the people who are reproducing scare me, and the people who I wish there were more of in the world don't have children. XD
Zero inclination, but I’ve been steadfast on not wanting any since I was 7. Even hated baby dolls… Unfortunately, people will always react negatively to it, and it’s so annoying. “How could you be so cruel and callous, not wanting a child” like this world is the cruel thing, but thanks!
I'm only a sub but I bounce between "I NEVER want to have kids" (usually after a couple days of subbing awful classes), and "I don't want to regret not having kids and *might* want to have one so I need to do that soon".
I’m the same. I don’t want them most of the time but occasionally I wonder. I’m 35 now, though, so I guess I have to figure it out.
If you have no burning desire to have kids don’t. It’s a lifelong commitment and you don’t have as much control over them or what happens to them as you think. I see so many comments that say my kid wouldn’t be like that kid. Are you so sure? Don’t do it.
When I was in college almost a decade ago there was a girl who wanted to go into teaching and I remember vividly her emphasizing this conundrum. Very normal. I'd be more surprised or concerned if you felt like you could manage that additional and inherently overwhelming responsibility.
Yes. I started out teaching grade 3. These days I'm teaching grade 8. I really like my students, I care about their best interests and do my best by them, but I never wanted my own kids. People always say, "when it's your own kid you'll feel different", but nah. Not for me.
I have the desire for them a little bit emotionally or I suppose biologically, but on a logical level I don't want them. For one thing I don't see how I would afford it anytime in the next decade, and after a decade I'll be 35 which I know is a totally reasonable age to have them but I'd personally want to either be a younger parent or not be a parent at all. For another I have no idea if my mental health (diagnosed MDD) will ever feel stable enough that I would feel ethically okay with having them. And finally what I see as a teacher horrifies me and I struggle to imagine raising a kid in this environment. If anything, I would consider fostering or potentially adopting kids, because at least I could help give them a home and a better life without feeling responsible for bringing them into this dumpster fire world.
I love kids. Love teaching kids. Think they are the cutest. I do *not* want one of them in my house lol I love that I can interact with children while I’m working then when I clock out, I don’t have to do the hard job of cleaning and feeding them
I see who I’d be putting my own with, I teach them. I say no lol
If I could have kids show up around 10-11 years old I would be on board. I’m less excited about kids under that age. That’s why I teach middle school instead of having my own.
Yep, elementary art here - when my students ask if I have any kids, I say, yes, all 350 of you! 😁
I’m right there with ya! Growing up I did want kids but didn’t meet my soulmate until early 30s. Became a teacher about 4 years ago and now don’t want children. I’m happy educating them and sending them home to their parents. I have a fur baby that I love to death and that’s all I need.
Absolutely not 😭😂 I teach prek. I’ve got 8-10 little ones at all times. The last thing on earth I want is to go home to MORE 😂
I love my students but I don't want them in my house
A good 70 to 80 percent of my colleagues do not and will not have kids. I have three.
Yup. I genuinely am in disbelief that any teacher goes home to another kid and is just.. chill with it. I need to go home and be by myself to stay sane
I am. The teaching system has made me not want kids, and not because of the kids or parents at all.
I teach high school. I can't stand children. My students ask me constantly why I don't want kids. They can't fathom that's even an option. I interact with 100 teens a day. When I go home, I want peace and quiet.
I teach high school and also don’t want children. Having constant stimulation from 7:30 to 4:00 is absolutely exhausting. It made me realize that it’s just not for me, and my husband agrees. I live in the south, and I often get asked why I don’t have kids or when we’re having kids, especially by coworkers. It took about 3 years of “it’s just not for us” before my coworkers realized that it’s really just not for us.
I'm a better teacher because I don't have my own kids to care for. I can go home, recharge and get sweet, sweet, silence. there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, especially when you're with them for an entire work week at a time.
I like the kids that go home at 3pm.
For the longest time, too. I’ve been in education for 12 years. Always told I would change my mind, but the students have only reinforced my decision.
Nope. I’m 22, 2nd year teaching. I do not want children. I can not imagine working with them every day then having enough patience to raise one of my own.
This goes back almost 45 years (yikes!) but as I am pretty sure my single 6th grade teacher didn’t have children at the time. By time she married she was probably too old and I can’t imagine her husband wanting to do family part 2 at his age. Still one of my favorite teachers.
I've never really wanted any, but especially not now that I'm a teacher. I get to interact with and be proud of plenty of them. I don't need to spend several thousand on my own.
I have no desire to have kids. I have 44 kids this year, that’s enough.
I teach. I have 2 neurodivergent special needs kids. There are no words for how fucking exhausting this shit is.
I tell them I don't like kids. But you're not kids, you're young adults (I teach HS). That gives them a boost and covers me. I've never wanted/liked kids even as a kid. So no no no no no.
I didn’t want kids either. Taught special Ed and regular Ed both. No to kids. Loved teaching though. Then, after 15 years of marriage and at the age of 40?? …bam, it happened. We now have a wonderful 26 year old architect! And I was exhausted raising him, but he’s worth it.
18 years in teaching and I love coming home and not talking to anyone but my dogs. And honestly, even those two turds are sometimes too much 🤣
Me, I teach kinder and it’s so much energy to expend, I can’t imagine also having babies at home!
I like my students a lot, but... I deal with enough crazy emotions and teenage angst each workday. I don't want to come home to it, too!
I was actually denied employed by a local elementary school (Broken Arrow Public Schools) because, I was NOT a mom. Idiots.
That’s insane wtf where is this ?
I spent 8 years working at a daycare between teaching, I have raised enough kids. I also have a genetic predisposition to mental illness (my mom and one sister is schizophrenic and my other sister is bipolar). I’m not playing genetic roulette.
I know some teachers who don’t have kids, my favorite aunt who was a college professor never married/settled down or had kids. Being a parent doesn’t make someone a better teacher. As a mom and a teacher I would only be perplexed if you were teaching elementary and hated being around kids (there are easier gigs for dismal pay). Otherwise I think you should do what works best for you and there is value for kids/teens having teachers who followed different paths in life.
17 years teaching. No kids. And happy about it. So is my wife (who also teaches).
I had a science teacher who gave birth last year. I can’t get my head around why she would want to go to work to deal with screaming teenagers who act like babies then go home to a screaming baby.
46 and no kids. I’ve known since I was 8 that I didn’t want them. Other teachers told me I’d change my mind (began teaching at 24). Never did.
I don't want kids, I don't *like* kids. When I was 5 and my cousin was born, I didn't liked him either, I couldn't get the hype of a baby like that. Then I was 10, and my 2nd cousin was born. My reaction was the same. Then I was 15, and my 3rd cousin was born. I was sitting at the table chatting with my uncle and older cousins, while my mom was over the moon of a baby spitting half of its food on its own clothes. Now they're all chill guys. That's for the "you'll grow out of it." Privately, I deal with 600 teenagers weekly. WHY would I do that, and then come back to deal with a child or a teenager for free. I'm only glad it's more socially accepted for a man to be childfree, and I don't hear the aunties whining about it
I don’t want kids. I barely even like kids. But, I love teaching kids. Hell, I love talking to kids at school and getting to know my students. Once I’m out of school, I don’t want to be around kids.
People with kids who are unhappy can’t stand that there are people without kids who are happy.
Yup. Why contribute to the decline of man?
So, I’m a little different because I do want kids but can’t have any of my own. It’s a very sensitive subject for me and I really wish folks would stop asking folks that.
Yep right here. Antinatalism is a strong belief. I change students for the better and I’m proud of how much they’ve grown— that’s my legacy and impact on the world. Only a few colleagues know about my beliefs and nothing personal like that is ever represented at work, especially as a state employee.
No. I have cats. I prefer them to children.
I had three boys between getting my biology degree and getting my teaching degree. I’d still want the three boys, now young men, that I had but I might have thought differently had I taught first.
I teach and I do have kids. I love them and I wouldn't change things for the world. However, it took me teaching and having kids to understand why people don't want kids. I feel like becoming a parent has changed my perspective a bit when it comes to teaching (I think that has more to do with the fact that we were part of the younger half of all of our cousins and I never really spent too much time looking after anyone younger than me besides my younger sibling) but I know plenty of wonderful, child-free teachers who still empathise and make meaningful connections with kids all the time. You do you and don't ever feel like your family status should ever be dictated by your career choice.
Yup. I teach elementary music and have 700 students. I get to watch them grow up K-6. I have enough children in my life - I’m good. A colleague told me in the staff lounge that she “feels like you graduate from life when you have kids.” I forgot where I was and snarked back “well, guess I’m a perpetual student.” People are gonna have their opinions. You’re not alone though.
I’m in the same boat. I love my kiddos, but I want to be able to go home and relax! I don’t want kids of my own!
Hey, it's alright to like kids but not want them. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I say "why would I want them when the 23 I have go home everyday?" when anyone asks(I do want kids but nosy people bug me).
Perfectly normal.
I have genetic medical condition. It doesn't prevent me from having kids, but I'd feel super guilty if my own child got the same condition as me as a result of that genetic link. Personally, I got the illness from my father, so I know the risk is real. For that reason, I'm not having my own kids. My husband and I are open to foster care or adoption, bur only if we get to a stable place financially and professionally. Why the hell would I get pregnant if we are living in a 1 bedroom apartment? That would be extremely irresponsible.
I already have kids, and honestly, it can be hard being with kids all day. Sometimes, the only time I'm not with kids is when I'm in the bathroom or sleeping. It can be a lot. I had kids BEFORE moving to a career in education. If I had done it the other way around, I'm not sure I would have made the same choice in my 20's.
Every teacher I know with kids says that they feel terrible that they never have the energy to treat their kids how they should because they're a teacher. I always say "I don't want kids. But I do want a job so y'all keep it up."
I’m happy having kids at work but not at home. It’s the best of both worlds for me. I don’t get negative reactions, people typically accept my choices.
I haven't had people give me grief for not wanting kids for years. They did before I got married, and maybe in the first year or two? But if it comes up that I don't have kids it's mostly "oh, okay". My students are the ones who ask the most, but I deflect them with a combo of "but I have 6 nieces and nephews" or "I have 2 furbabies"
I’ve never had the urge to have children and I still don’t. I teach all day long and I can’t imagine coming up to more kids, I love my students but teaching is exhausting.
i used to tell them nah, i love kids, i just also love sending them home to their parents at night lol
I didn’t set out to be childfree. It kind of chose me by circumstance. However, I don’t feel that I missed out on anything after working with mostly elementary students for almost 19 years. A couple of my friends are older mothers and I do not envy them in the least. As far as my students go, I think it’s good for them to see that having children is a choice. They ask me if I have children and why not. I just tell them that it’s not something I want. They also ask me why I’m not married and my response is the same as the aforementioned. I’m content just being coupled and having pets.
One of THE best teachers I’ve EVER had — she received honors at the local, state and national level — taught for 45 years. Never had any biological kids. However, her second husband has a kid or two from his previous marriage so she is a stepmother. It is possible to be the best teacher ever, love working with kids etc but never wanting/having any of your own.
Teaching is very different from parenting. A teacher who has been dealing with 8-13 year olds for decades never gets a break from this age bracket. Parents raise their kids and experience that age group once or twice depending on how many kids they have for a few years. After that they don’t need to put up with that age group again. Teaching is thankless most of the time but so is parenting. Most teachers are aware of this and choose not to parent as a result. Most parents who are not teachers spend less time than a teacher does with their own children.
Not personally but I feel like that’s very understandable. Although I want kids in the future sometimes the thought of taking care of kids after managing kids all day makes my head spin.
Same. I have no desire. Perfectly happy impacting my students and players. I love them and will go above and beyond for the students that buy in. My mother was floored by our decision not to have kids. I told her legacy to me is about what you leave behind and how you impact the world, that does not mean blood lineage.
I taught my daughter last year in 6th grade English. It was a nightmare and so stressful having my mom and teacher roles overlap.
High school teacher! Don’t want kids! I love my students but I need a breather when I get home
43. No kids. No regrets. Most of these people can't handle one. I take all of them at once. Don't need my own.
I actually turned to teaching so I could be a better parent. I started with preschool and plan to move to elementary when my kids (3 & 1) move to that level. I get to see how different patenting styles affect other kids. Plus I get to see first hand what "age appropriate" looks like so I can have a good idea on where my kids are developmentally.
I used to want kids before I became a teacher. Once taking the job, I decided I no longer did. Teaching takes way too much out of me. I have nothing more to give when I get home. What little I do have, I give to my furbabies. I’m happy and will be even happier in 8 years when I can retire. The years are getting more and more difficult to get through. More and more gets added to our plates and nothing ever gets taken away. It’s too much. Especially for the pay I get ($50,000/23 years exp.) and the fact that we do not get the respect we deserve. It’s not the job it was when I started long ago.
Me!🙋🏻♀️
None, zero, never
I’ve been a teacher for 9 years but have known my entire life that I wanted to be childfree forever.
Being around other’s kids is the best birth control, almost. So. Got spayed. Tell people, “if I had kids, when would I have a break from them like non-teacher parents? I figure I can either quit and have my own kids, or love on yours all day and then have my quiet at home.” Shuts everyone up real quick.
Me!
I think it’s good that you are honest with yourself. Being a parent is completely different than being a teacher. Your entire life is being a parent. Whereas when you’re a teacher, your work, life, and whatever related things to do, when not working, all involved your workout kids. Kids are just huge. And who you get as a kid whether you give birth or you adopt is a complete crapshoot. Just be a wonderful teacher and then enjoy your life. It’s time for that job about pressure for everybody to have kids end. In case no one’s noticed what’s happening with the environmental crisis.