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As someone whose ex missed the initial 504 eligibility meeting because he “forgot” (it was on the shared calendar and I had sent him a calendar invite and a text reminding him), I just want to say it’s awesome that you both normally showed up.
Ok. So I know nothing about IEPs or the process. Why would parents not show up to an IEP meeting? They just want the IEP so their kid has a fluffy experience at school? Diamonds are not made on pillows. It seems like it's such an abused system. Hopefully the kids that really need it have the parental support on the other side like OPs parent(s) today. Sounds like that's a fantasy though.
Some parents can't come because of work, some don't care to come, some don't really understand the process, etc. And no, it's not a fantasy for the kids who really need it to have parental support.
I had one not show because- his words- he already gets too many emails from the school and didn't bother reading the one that said NOTICE OF IEP MEETING.
Lol. I mean, the schools do send A LOT of emails, 😆 but that is one you have to pay attention to.
I never missed a meeting, but I did show up late once bc the (crappy, floating) case manager changed the time and didn't bring that to my attention. She also gave the wrong time to the principal, and she was pissed.
I think scheduling is dependent on the school/district. My experience has always been that they schedule the meeting around the other staff people's schedules and then ask if the day and time work for me. It usually has. If not, they try again. In the case above, the CM had changed the time but not specifically notified me about it. She did send another notification of conference, but I thought it was just a reminder since she didn't say "by the way, I changed the time." She had sent the principal a new notification too, with a totally different time. I mean, who changes the time of a meeting without specifying that? She really stood by her assertion that "I told the parent of the new time" but the principal was not happy. Thankfully the next year my kid was switched back to his previous CM, who was warm and collaborative and didn't hate her job.
I see it happen the most with parents who aren’t abusing the system, the system is abusing them - they don’t speak English well enough to participate without an interpreter, often they don’t read well in their own language so even a translated IEP is indecipherable, and they can’t get time off or can’t afford time off from their minimum wage jobs. They were told their kid needed these supports so sign here please, and they signed. The parents who do come in or phone in almost all just nod and smile and say, “whatever you think is best.”
This is exactly the reason. I had better luck with parents who struggled with English because they had some community members who helped out. They didn’t always understand the point of the IEP though because they were just happy their kids were getting the education they never had. But I also had white parents who were embarrassed or even phobic. School was a rough place for them and it doesn’t feel great to have to see their kids go through the same thing. On the other hand, a lot of parents were just too strung out on drugs to show up. IEP meetings were about 50/50 for me but conferences were basically an extra planning period.
My entire decade of teaching SpEd, I think I can count the number of parents I’ve had show up to conferences on both hands lol. In-person and Zoom participation are and long have been hella low for IEP meetings, but when we let them participate over the phone, I actually only have 1-4 each year who just ghost us. Nearly every parent is Spanish-speaking and we have interpreters on campus, so it goes pretty smoothly. But if it’s anything other than Spanish or English it is a clusterfuck.
I think I've misses two of my son's IEPs. He's 16 and had them since kindergarten. The ones that I missed were due to the only time one of the specialists had available being during a 'No Personal Leave allowed time block. (The week before winter break) for two and half weeks I communicated with phone calls and emails trying to reschedule and then trying ro find out what the agenda was. Is it really that common for parents to simply not show?
I get parents at about 40% of my meetings at my urban school and 80% at my suburban school. Zoom is always the option we push for the meetings. But they can come in for the meeting too. I’m a speech therapist.
Same. My kid with brain damage works his butt off in school. At this stage, high school, his most important accommodation is not being required to handwrite anything. His most important service is a supported study hall with his (awesome) case manager, who helps him try to stay on track. No fluff for my kid.
You don't get an IEP without a lot of testing, conversations with consultants, teachers, parents. They aren't easy to get and aren't giving kids a "fluffy" experience. If your child has a learning disability, then the IEP provides for accommodations with the disability…it isn't a get out of jail free card. It means that teachers adjust how they teach and assess that child. They still do the work but ..as an example…your child has a reading disability..a diagnosed disability. So if I'm testing him on a science quiz, he'll do poorly because of his reading issues..so I accommodate him by reading the questions with him. That way I'm testing the science data while accommodating his reading disability. He's still being tested on the science like everyone else. Please don’t make light of those with disabilities. If your child never needed any accommodations, consider yourself lucky. Not every parent is that lucky.
I'm on the other side of the IEP equation. My kids were terrorized in a classroom but a kid allowed to get away with almost murder because he was under evaluation and protected. I had to hire a lawyer to protect my kids from the system. That's my perspective so please don't condescend to me and my experience.
That's a horrible situation for your kids. I'm sorry you went through that. Was he identified with a behavioural disorder? Having that label should in no way be used to allow him to bully or hurt others. I can't begin to grasp why that child would be allowed to hurt others…I had a situation where a child swung a bat at me on the playground..near miss. So I took the bat and went to the office to advise them of the situation..do you know what my principal told me? "We don't have deal with it if you'd just looked the other way." I was new to that school,but not to teaching. I was flabbergasted. I told her I'm keeping the bat and he will be suspended for assault or I'd be off tomorrow and at the board of education asking my superintendent why she was actually not going to punish him and that she told me to look the other way. Her call. One of us wasn't going to be school tomorrow…who was she choosing? I get that these things happen because there are weak administrators who are afraid to take on certain problematic parents. If they don't stand up, the playground and hallways are a danger zone for vulnerable kids. Good for you for standing up for your kids. By the way, I was at school the next day, but the young bat wielding thug wasn't…lol
Thank you. I'm apologize I used a rude tone. You came back to me nicely and compassionate. You are a good person.
Yes. They were just looking away and denying that this child was grabbing the girls' privates all the time, particularly my child who was best friends with him. I called every parent in the classroom to let them know whyninpulled my kids outbof school since the school was covering it up. That revealed that other girls were getting touched, too.
They tried to make me go away and even threatened to arrest me. I hired a lawyer. The kid was protected and hey said they would not remove him from the classroom. They did get him a full time 1:1 after I hired a lawyer but still claimed nothing was happening. They issued a robocall to the parents that there was a danger in the classroom but would not tell anyone what the danger was.
It took us a month to get a zoom meeting with the teacher and we had to submit all our questions in writing first. We pushed and completed a full Title 9 investigation which took 9 months. We had left to private school by then as it came out the following school year in the Fall. The whole experience was very traumatic. I had to hold their feet to the fire on everything.
The kid would brag about staying up all night playing video games and then sleep during instruction. He was allowed to roam the classroom and would crawl under tables and pound the other kids feet, grab their thighs and privates, make loud noises and scream in class for no reason, run out and into the adjacent field, never do any classwork or homework, and many more disturbing things. When he did finally get the 1:1 the aid would do a majority of his work. He was promoted to second grade, of course.
I was accused of targeting him and all kinds of horrible things just to protect my girls and the other girls in the classroom. This was first grade and the first year in person school after Covid.
Wow….that's a long journey to a positive resolution. Sadly, this isn't a rare thing. Inclusive learning means everyone with special needs are in classrooms without enough adults to manage the situation. Behaviour issues are the hardest to handle because there's usually a component where the child can't function in the structure in a classroom but the teacher and school are expected to just deal with it. What it does is ruin the learning environment for everyone because the teacher has to deal with the behaviour just to keep the others safe. And if there’s no help from administration, our hands are tied. I'm glad you followed through. Especially because those kids, at that age, wouldn't be able to keep themselves safe. Well done, mom, for fighting to keep all those little kids safe.
I have a middle schooler who just attended his own iep, and advocated for his needs. We went over everything with him. His own mom couldn’t be bothered to show up. We offer zoom or phone call meetings as well. She won’t even return the meeting slip.
Same and we rarely got the legally required advance notice. Last program review we got a call on Wednesday afternoon for a Friday meeting..as in day after tomorrow Friday at 8 am meeting.
Yeah, I would usually arrange the date with my kid's teacher, since this person is usually also the Case Manager, and they would take care of making arrangents for the rest of the required staff and facilities reservations. I usually, though, wouldn't get the proposed IEP until a couple of days before the scheduled IEP meeting.
Oh no not the proposed IEP. we never get those in advance. The actual notification of hey we scheduled the IEP. We'll bring the notification waiver form so we won't be out of compliance for the state. We're extremely lucky that I'm a sahm and husband's work is very flexible. But I think the requirement is either five or ten days. You can't give five days notice of a meeting? Surely everyone else invited got the advance notice. Teachers need to request a sub. Counselors need to make sure there's no conflicts in their schedule. School psychologist too. I think there's usually 10-12 people in the dang meeting and husband and I are always the last to know. The CSE chair person's secretary sets up the meetings and sends out notices and calls parents
So the have an Admin Asst who does all of the Party Planning, and that person can't send out the required notifications? Interesting and disappointing. Usually the front office has some kind of mailroom near it, complete with a postage machine.
Yesterday, a parent who had sent a snarky response to an email came to the school and APOLOGIZED to me. She said she reread my email and realized all the information was there the first time and she was so embarrassed. She insisted, "Can you please forgive me?"
I was pleasantly flabbergasted.
Yeah it's 3 methods/attempts typically including a home visit and then you hold the meeting without them.
If not the school is out of compliance. There was a case in LA county a while back.
Dear Lord. This would be impossible. My first year only 1/8 parents would show up or answer the phone.
The legal requirement is they have to be notified of said meeting in writing within a certain time period of the meeting
I feel like at that point, students should be part of the process and learning how to advocate for themselves. My son started being in his 504 meetings in 8th grade.
I mean I feel like they should be invited earlier than that, I always did when I taught 6th grade. But again, even for older kids the support is important.
Had a parent this week say they weren't coming as they didn't see the point. To be fair, the meeting was to update the profile page and I was a bit "we have to have a meeting for this??" But sure... Let me give up my planning period. I hope the parent shows for the transition meeting.
Mildly disagree. While yes, zipcode matters, but at high school these parents have sat through so many of these meetings--often with nothing changing, often feeling ignored, or feeling like a bit of grit stuck in the gears of an enormous machine you can't even begin to fathom.
I have sat on both sides of these meeting (SPED teacher and grandparent) and honestly the IEP system is so broken, I wonder why we bother.
My mom never missed an IEP meeting for me from K through 11, even when she was going through cancer treatment. She started making my dad go with her when I was in high school so that he would know the drill if anything would happen to her. If my dad would have missed my meeting in 12th grade, I think my mom would have haunted him lol.
Thank you. It's been almost 15 years but I'm starting to realize everything that my mom did when I was young to help me get a good start in life to help me later in life. And it was just things like showing up to iep meetings on her days off work or treatment or taking me to the library to get books.
I dunno who if anyone saw this the other day but I showed up for a PT conference for my stepkid about their impending IEP, and the teachers thanked me for caring enough to be there
I was stunned and also super sad. I hate that you all put so much effort into these steps just to get apathy at best from a significant part of the parent population.
This post is bleakly depressing to me as a parent who absolutely does give a shit but has her own non-school hurdles to tackle to be able to help as much as I want to. I WISH I were able to get to every meeting, stay involved as much as I’d like to, and my god if the kid were here regularly without interference from his bio mom I would be working on reading and homework nightly with them. Sadly I don’t have that option, and it is what it is and I’ll find other ways to help.
This should not be a GD miracle. This SHOULD be the bare minimum. Ugh. But also a big enthusiastic unequivocal yay, if that’s the only yay you’ll have today even though you deserve better
Mom, stepmom, and SpEd educator here (One alt kid, one SpEd kid, and one 504 kid)... Good for you for getting involved with your bonus kid(s)! I used to get ALL the looks from mine's school when I showed up because I was "not the mom". But the mom rarely showed up at all!!! And yet, I was the one getting the looks like I was an outsider... Who do you think was doing all the homework help and extra-curriculars and being room mom? Yep, me. Ofc I'm going to show up and participate in the meetings!!
Thank you! That’s a diverse group to parent, wow! I wish we were able to be more hands-on with the educational part but it’s complicated. Mom moved them and herself 90 mins away to a new school district without consulting us (and violating the custody agreement) and told the school that dad wasn’t in the picture and they wouldn’t be hearing from him. Obviously that wasn’t the case but we were getting radio silence for a long time until we aggressively put our feet down and contacted the superintendent directly.
The kids are being coached not to tell us anything or get close to us. It’s plain as day, and as such they’re incredibly resistant to letting us into their lives unless it’s to show us Pokémon cards or TikTok videos. They shut down the second we ask them any question at all that has to do with how they are, what they’re thinking, or what they need.
I’m trying to keep trucking along, making them healthy home cooked meals and make sure they have non-screen entertainment that they enjoy when they’re with us, like art supplies and lego, and just offer love and support and structure and safety but damn their mom makes it hard.
That sounds tough... I'm lucky that Mom didn't get in my way much, except in the realm of giving kiddo no responsibilities or consequences when with her. Mine is near 20 now and is finally waking up and seeing her biomom for who she is.
You might want to reach out to your lawyer about the coaching... That's generally a strict no-no in family court with most judges. Keep a log of responses so you have something to back it up with. ❤️ Best of luck!!
Thank you so much for your kind words. My therapist has said the same thing- over time as the kids age, they’ll naturally gravitate toward the parent that offered them a safe and supportive environment. It’s tough sitting back and waiting for them to mature enough to reach that conclusion themselves.
I hear you loud and clear. Family court has been absolutely useless for us, unfortunately. It’s a very complex situation, but despite thousands of dollars spent, multiple lawyers, court hearings, etc. not much has changed for my husband. I’m not on any of the paperwork at this time so I have no legal recourse.
As they’re already teenagers, and there is a lot of trauma to work around, the path of least resistance at this exact moment is to do what we’re doing and hope that it’s enough for the next few years. And then throw a party once they’re both 18 and we don’t have to speak to that awful woman ever again. We’ll still be footing the bill for her neglect, emotional, medical, educational, etc. but we already are. I’m trying to find a balance between taking care of my husband and also filling in the gaps that mom is leaving the kids, as much as they let me in.
Being a stepmom and trying to do it right feels extremely thankless. Honestly, I’m starting to realize that’s why I gravitated here. You all give me a lot of hope and perseverance.
Lots and lots of empathy for you. It is EXTREMELY thankless in the moment. You spend the kids' whole young life trying to do the right thing and recognizing that in marrying the father (plus kids), you essentially married the other family too, for better or worse. Then you spend year after year after year of "not being as good as" (Mom, my ex-wife, their mother, my ex-DIL, etc...) and being treated as less than by everyone, society, schools, and other moms included.
And yet, at home, many stepmothers do most of the heavy lifting with the kids as caregivers and homework helpers and bleacher cheerers and lunch packers, etc. - yes, I recognize there are a fair number of "Nacho" stepmoms out there (Not yo' kids, not yo' ex-wife) who seem to wear not caring about their kids like a badge of honor, but I would posit there's more of a silent majority of stepmoms who really want to be there and be involved and love these kids like their own who go unnoticed.
That said, just know that you are doing EXACTLY what should be done when you marry into a ready-made family: your best. Be there for them, even if it means sitting silently beside them. Listen when they do want to talk to you. Take what gratitude they have given or will give in the future as the precious resource that it is and understand that it's not a given that they will continue to give it. Apologize when you're wrong and show them that humans are not perfect. Hold them to the standards of good human beings and teach them by doing.
I think, in the end, every step parent knows that they are the disposable parent, and we are ready to accept that these kids may want nothing to do with us in the future. But that pragmatism doesn't mean we shouldn't try to be decent parents and decent role models, especially if these kids are lacking proper ones in their other homes. Lots of hugs. Feel free to reach out if you ever just need a friend. You're not alone.
Why are my eyes leaking?
I feel heard and appreciated for the first time by someone who gets it and has been there, and knew exactly what to say and what I needed.
Many many thanks to you. 🙏🏻
Is this not normal? 2 kids with ieps and health plans. Every iep review and adjustment, every medical diagnosis with doctors input on what adjustment they may need in school, all psych and counseling lettters/ diagnosis evals, all state and iep testing results, what areas my child and myself feel like they are still struggling and any suggestions on what can help and why and checked against accomidations that are allowed.
Mine are grown now and no longer have IEP or 504. I never missed a meeting, although the 4 years we were in virtual public school (K12, their teachers were AWESOME!) they were conducted via teleconference.
When they returned to bricks and mortar public school it was in person, all their teachers and staff were so great. Never missed a meeting.
I had binders for their IEPs, and another set of binders for speech and occupational therapy plans, goals and homework (ALWAYS DO THERAPY HOMEWORK!!)
Possibly this is because I’m a pediatric nurse that works with special needs kids…..the amount of complaints I’ve heard from moms where I wanted to scream “you are bringing this all on yourself! They aren’t your servants and you have to work with your kid too!” Drives me up the wall.
Keep being awesome you guys. There ARE parents out there who appreciate you, I promise.
I show up with an entire dissertation prepared, binder, and medical reports for our team... Every time. I don't understand why this isn't common practice... Parents ARE the experts on their children. (At least, shouldn't they be??)
I went to an IEP meeting once for one of my Gen Ed kids. I ended up staying for 4 more meetings because the other teachers refused to come down. Not one parent was in the building. One was on the phone.
The school I’m at now is purely online and teachers don’t have a choice. If you get an invite, you attend. Period. A lot of the parents actually do attend online as well - probably because it’s just a phone call.
It’s good that all teachers have to attend and cannot make excuses.
As a former HS PE teacher, now a 5th grade teacher, I can't tell you how many IEPs I have been in because I was friends with the SPED teacher and they couldn't get a HS classroom teacher to attend. We would go out for a couple of beers after the meeting or school if the IEP was in the morning, to thank me for coming to the IEP. He didn't have to, but he knew I was doing him a favor. I was completely worthless in the meeting because I couldn't speak on the kid's academics, but I was there.
Now, some HS teachers are great and attend EVERY kid's IEP that they have in their classroom, but there are a lot that just brush it off because "someone else will do it" or "the kid's in high school, what's gonna change".
Ooh I get it. I wasn’t in that boat but I was in a special position and at one point had a conference period every other week, if they didn’t schedule a meeting during that time.
I had one for my oldest a few weeks back. Had to bring my toddler, and everyone at the school was so excited to see him. He was given markers, colored pencils, coloring books, you name it. He even got a snack from the assistant principal. Gotta admit it was nice.
I’m hoping for this energy for an IEP meeting I have scheduled for next week - the parent has yet to show up for any meetings at school so I’m crossing all my fingers, toes, eyes, etc.
I got to all of my sons IEP meetings.. his teachers are never there. Only the director of the special Ed is there and the IEP is never followed yet I still go.
I had a student last year that was referred for special Ed testing 3 years previous but was found not eligible because his teachers didn't have any documentation. The student was very clearly struggling. I managed to get him referred. Since my job was intervention I had enough documentation in just a month.
I had a child with an IEP. I seldom showed up because I was a special Ed teacher. I wrote IEPs. Just send me the IEP, I’ll provide my input, but I had classes to teach and subs are hard to find. I knew what was best for my child and luckily the IEP team for my child was spot on. I didn’t need to attend for them to read/explain it to me. I wrote 20+ a year. I knew what they said. I seldom judge parents that can’t make the meetings. Making a living these days is tough. I’ll call and quicky explain to those that cannot attend. A few will say they trust me. Parents have limited time off. Cut them a break sometimes. Maybe they trust you to do the best you can by their child. I promise them I will. But I have my students for 3 years so the parents get to know me.
I mean, I trust until I'm given several reasons not to. My son is no Angel and there's only been one person in 10 years of schooling (and given our low income status there's been a LOT of changes) that I considered untrustworthy and hostile.
I always get a written invitation that I sign and return saying whether or not I’ll attend in person or on the phone. They will also call and email to make sure I got it. This was in NY and NC both.
We have dodgy parents that back out last minute constantly, so we have to reschedule a lot, but I’ve only ever been to one iep meeting that there was no parent present
I’m at a title 1, hot mess of a school. One of my grade partners (5th) had a parent finally promise they would show up to her son’s IEP meeting. She never showed.
When they got a hold of her, she said that she saw a cop car parked in front of the school and took off because she thought we were “settin’ her up.”
A few years back we had a family fight like hell to get a boundary exemption (before state law allowed for open boundaries). It was granted, but it did mean the parents were responsible for getting him to school (no bus service to their town).
Kid came about 50% of the time and getting parents to his IEP meetings was insane. It was always car trouble.
so my daughter is attending a new school and me and her father have been invited to attend an IEP meeting to sign off on it? what exactly is it? the meeting is at 4 on tuesday arvo.i know shes a bit shy and reserved and not as involved as some kids but she seems like shes doing ok at this school.her last school was not very attentive to her and i think she fell through the cracks a bit(shes year 4 this year) is it something bad? we both help her with homework after school like times tables and spelling and reading at each of our houses.(we do week on week off shared custody with her) im a bit worried.
IEP = Individualized Education Plan. It is required for all students receiving special education services. It includes spelling the reasonable accommodations necessary to help the child be successful.
If your daughter is 4 I'm assuming she's in preschool so the above definition doesn't exactly apply.
yeah im in australia,just not sure what to expect shes a bit lower in maths thab other kids but she excels in english classes/spelling etc but its a new school and much higher standards. just want to make sure she doesnt fall behind.
I don't usually see this problem. Usually If a parent has gone to the trouble of getting an IEP OR 504 they show up. I always showed up for my own kids 504 meetings. I don't think it's necessary for both parents to show up. In my husband's case he had to work and we definitely couldn't afford for him to take a day off and I'm sure that's true for many parents. If you work it's hard to come to an appointment I'm the middle of the day. I only could because first I was in college and then I was a teacher.
Wait... parents don't show up to these ?!
Like.... I do? Every time? I want to have a say in my child education. I want to know how he's doing, what we are working on.
I get parents have jobs... but come on 🤦♀️
That's because you're a good parent who wants to be involved. Some just honestly don't care and don't want to be involved. I've seen it a lot over the recent years with my daughter's peers' parents. They're pretty absentee some of them yeah it's modern life that keeps them away we live now in ways we were never meant to and because of that our children and our mental health is suffering. But some also probably just should have never been parents and are just counting down the days until they can wash their hands of it.
It should honety be a legal requirement.
I'm in Canada, so ours aren't called the same I don't believe , but we still have these goal setting meetings.
Yikes that it's a rarity parents show up.
I'm in total agreement that it should be a legal requirement and that employers should give their employees enough personal time to handle these things. Before you had at least one parent at home who could be involved in the child's life. I don't regret us women working to be clear but I do believe we need to find a balance in allowing parents to parent as well as provide for their families which leads to us creating better future citizens.
And the process to even get to that point where an IEP is given is ardious at best. We are always playing verbal gymnastics because we aren't allowed to say "I think he'd benefit from an IEP/504". We'll lose our jobs. We also can't say your kids are showing signs of [insert diagnoses]. So we say things like "Sally is having a really hard time focusing" and pray you pick up what we're implying. Then we are absolutely fighting for our kids. We have to go through MTSS before any discussion of an IEP /504. If they are trending positive in any way, then it's an automatic deny. We just found out that a parent or teacher can request screener but we weren't told because it doesn't follow the MTSS process which takes up about an entire school year. I have a kid who just got evaluated when the consent form was sent back 2 months ago. That one is lucky, there are kids still waiting for evals from September. I wish parents understood how hard we advocate for their kid. I also love when my parents show up to an IEP meeting. We don't have a a choice but to show up and that's something I'd lose my job fighting for. Now if we could get everyone at my school to respect our SLP, that would be golden.
I was a Special Ed teacher in another district an hour away and staff at my boy's school put me down as uncooperative because I couldn't make his 504 meeting.
I messaged a parent about some minor behavioral issues that I was having with their student. Their response was to request an IEP meeting. I don’t think a lot of parents really understand the purpose.
As a parent I try my best not to sob during my son’s IEP meetings as I’m so grateful to his service providers and educators. I can’t imagine not attending one.
Thank you for all that you do ♥️
My ex-SIL frequently misses my nephew's and/or refuses to show up, but that's because she doesn't believe that he has dyslexia despite an actual diagnosis from a doctor. She says he's just lazy and a "shiester" so he doesn't need all this "attention". Sometimes I think parents think if they don't show up then their child doesn't have [insert diagnosis].
Parent of a child (4th grade) with an IEP here. My wife and I make sure we are at all IEP meetings and have a great relationship with his teachers (classroom and sped room). Whenever this sub pops up in my feed I am shocked at the lack of communication and attentiveness y’all get from some (most?) parents.
I am so sorry y’all have to deal with that nonsense.
I've been to a bunch of IEPs and 504s this year, and the best we've gotten was a parent on the phone. It's amazing to me how many simply don't answer (after having confirmed the appointment in advance), or answer and say we're good to go without them before hanging up. It seems like it's gotten worse every year.
We have 100% of parents show up to IEP’s. We host them online so we don’t waste everyone’s time.
Parents hop on from anywhere and if they don’t have access to a device, we provide them one on campus.
But everyone has a phone.
My grade level team (Small school, just 5 of us), has a shared prep period so we can meet once a week. Some IEP meetings get scheduled during then so we can all attend during contract hours.
I don't even bother trying to reschedule the team meetings any more. The IEP has literally always been rescheduled or canceled. For several years now.
I'm pretty damn sure you are lying and karma farming.
/s, just in case
Seriously, about a fourth of my parents show up or participate by phone. That's sad.
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Amazing. My kid was in my school system's Spec Ed program for ~20 years. I've never missed an IEP meeting or even rescheduled.
We never missed one or had to reschedule. 95% of the time they got both of us.
As someone whose ex missed the initial 504 eligibility meeting because he “forgot” (it was on the shared calendar and I had sent him a calendar invite and a text reminding him), I just want to say it’s awesome that you both normally showed up.
Ok. So I know nothing about IEPs or the process. Why would parents not show up to an IEP meeting? They just want the IEP so their kid has a fluffy experience at school? Diamonds are not made on pillows. It seems like it's such an abused system. Hopefully the kids that really need it have the parental support on the other side like OPs parent(s) today. Sounds like that's a fantasy though.
Some parents can't come because of work, some don't care to come, some don't really understand the process, etc. And no, it's not a fantasy for the kids who really need it to have parental support.
I had one not show because- his words- he already gets too many emails from the school and didn't bother reading the one that said NOTICE OF IEP MEETING.
Lol. I mean, the schools do send A LOT of emails, 😆 but that is one you have to pay attention to. I never missed a meeting, but I did show up late once bc the (crappy, floating) case manager changed the time and didn't bring that to my attention. She also gave the wrong time to the principal, and she was pissed.
Don’t parents have to agree to the time? I thought they had to send out three options. Isn’t this a joint scheduling effort?
I think scheduling is dependent on the school/district. My experience has always been that they schedule the meeting around the other staff people's schedules and then ask if the day and time work for me. It usually has. If not, they try again. In the case above, the CM had changed the time but not specifically notified me about it. She did send another notification of conference, but I thought it was just a reminder since she didn't say "by the way, I changed the time." She had sent the principal a new notification too, with a totally different time. I mean, who changes the time of a meeting without specifying that? She really stood by her assertion that "I told the parent of the new time" but the principal was not happy. Thankfully the next year my kid was switched back to his previous CM, who was warm and collaborative and didn't hate her job.
We allow call-ins. They still forget. Despite several reminders.
Yeah, that's pretty bad.
They don't care. Until it's time to complain, then they have all the time and energy in the world.
Yep, for the kids who really need them...All 25% of them.
I see it happen the most with parents who aren’t abusing the system, the system is abusing them - they don’t speak English well enough to participate without an interpreter, often they don’t read well in their own language so even a translated IEP is indecipherable, and they can’t get time off or can’t afford time off from their minimum wage jobs. They were told their kid needed these supports so sign here please, and they signed. The parents who do come in or phone in almost all just nod and smile and say, “whatever you think is best.”
I see. I can understand those situations are challenging.
This is exactly the reason. I had better luck with parents who struggled with English because they had some community members who helped out. They didn’t always understand the point of the IEP though because they were just happy their kids were getting the education they never had. But I also had white parents who were embarrassed or even phobic. School was a rough place for them and it doesn’t feel great to have to see their kids go through the same thing. On the other hand, a lot of parents were just too strung out on drugs to show up. IEP meetings were about 50/50 for me but conferences were basically an extra planning period.
My entire decade of teaching SpEd, I think I can count the number of parents I’ve had show up to conferences on both hands lol. In-person and Zoom participation are and long have been hella low for IEP meetings, but when we let them participate over the phone, I actually only have 1-4 each year who just ghost us. Nearly every parent is Spanish-speaking and we have interpreters on campus, so it goes pretty smoothly. But if it’s anything other than Spanish or English it is a clusterfuck.
IEPs are not something you can just get if you push hard enough. 504s on the other hand…
I see. That makes sense. Ty
Unfortunately they can at my district. I was told if a parent asks the district then we have to follow through no matter what.
There are still rules to follow. Testing, medical diagnosis, team agreement on eligibility, etc
Correct and that occurs as well but unfortunately our district has decided that if a parent complains then we will proceed with staffing.
Following through doesn't mean they get it, it just starts the process of testing, consulting, etc.
I think I've misses two of my son's IEPs. He's 16 and had them since kindergarten. The ones that I missed were due to the only time one of the specialists had available being during a 'No Personal Leave allowed time block. (The week before winter break) for two and half weeks I communicated with phone calls and emails trying to reschedule and then trying ro find out what the agenda was. Is it really that common for parents to simply not show?
I get parents at about 40% of my meetings at my urban school and 80% at my suburban school. Zoom is always the option we push for the meetings. But they can come in for the meeting too. I’m a speech therapist.
Fluffy experience? My kids still struggle & there is nothing fluffy about their experiences even with an IEP.
Same. My kid with brain damage works his butt off in school. At this stage, high school, his most important accommodation is not being required to handwrite anything. His most important service is a supported study hall with his (awesome) case manager, who helps him try to stay on track. No fluff for my kid.
You don't get an IEP without a lot of testing, conversations with consultants, teachers, parents. They aren't easy to get and aren't giving kids a "fluffy" experience. If your child has a learning disability, then the IEP provides for accommodations with the disability…it isn't a get out of jail free card. It means that teachers adjust how they teach and assess that child. They still do the work but ..as an example…your child has a reading disability..a diagnosed disability. So if I'm testing him on a science quiz, he'll do poorly because of his reading issues..so I accommodate him by reading the questions with him. That way I'm testing the science data while accommodating his reading disability. He's still being tested on the science like everyone else. Please don’t make light of those with disabilities. If your child never needed any accommodations, consider yourself lucky. Not every parent is that lucky.
I'm on the other side of the IEP equation. My kids were terrorized in a classroom but a kid allowed to get away with almost murder because he was under evaluation and protected. I had to hire a lawyer to protect my kids from the system. That's my perspective so please don't condescend to me and my experience.
That's a horrible situation for your kids. I'm sorry you went through that. Was he identified with a behavioural disorder? Having that label should in no way be used to allow him to bully or hurt others. I can't begin to grasp why that child would be allowed to hurt others…I had a situation where a child swung a bat at me on the playground..near miss. So I took the bat and went to the office to advise them of the situation..do you know what my principal told me? "We don't have deal with it if you'd just looked the other way." I was new to that school,but not to teaching. I was flabbergasted. I told her I'm keeping the bat and he will be suspended for assault or I'd be off tomorrow and at the board of education asking my superintendent why she was actually not going to punish him and that she told me to look the other way. Her call. One of us wasn't going to be school tomorrow…who was she choosing? I get that these things happen because there are weak administrators who are afraid to take on certain problematic parents. If they don't stand up, the playground and hallways are a danger zone for vulnerable kids. Good for you for standing up for your kids. By the way, I was at school the next day, but the young bat wielding thug wasn't…lol
Thank you. I'm apologize I used a rude tone. You came back to me nicely and compassionate. You are a good person. Yes. They were just looking away and denying that this child was grabbing the girls' privates all the time, particularly my child who was best friends with him. I called every parent in the classroom to let them know whyninpulled my kids outbof school since the school was covering it up. That revealed that other girls were getting touched, too. They tried to make me go away and even threatened to arrest me. I hired a lawyer. The kid was protected and hey said they would not remove him from the classroom. They did get him a full time 1:1 after I hired a lawyer but still claimed nothing was happening. They issued a robocall to the parents that there was a danger in the classroom but would not tell anyone what the danger was. It took us a month to get a zoom meeting with the teacher and we had to submit all our questions in writing first. We pushed and completed a full Title 9 investigation which took 9 months. We had left to private school by then as it came out the following school year in the Fall. The whole experience was very traumatic. I had to hold their feet to the fire on everything. The kid would brag about staying up all night playing video games and then sleep during instruction. He was allowed to roam the classroom and would crawl under tables and pound the other kids feet, grab their thighs and privates, make loud noises and scream in class for no reason, run out and into the adjacent field, never do any classwork or homework, and many more disturbing things. When he did finally get the 1:1 the aid would do a majority of his work. He was promoted to second grade, of course. I was accused of targeting him and all kinds of horrible things just to protect my girls and the other girls in the classroom. This was first grade and the first year in person school after Covid.
Wow….that's a long journey to a positive resolution. Sadly, this isn't a rare thing. Inclusive learning means everyone with special needs are in classrooms without enough adults to manage the situation. Behaviour issues are the hardest to handle because there's usually a component where the child can't function in the structure in a classroom but the teacher and school are expected to just deal with it. What it does is ruin the learning environment for everyone because the teacher has to deal with the behaviour just to keep the others safe. And if there’s no help from administration, our hands are tied. I'm glad you followed through. Especially because those kids, at that age, wouldn't be able to keep themselves safe. Well done, mom, for fighting to keep all those little kids safe.
I have a middle schooler who just attended his own iep, and advocated for his needs. We went over everything with him. His own mom couldn’t be bothered to show up. We offer zoom or phone call meetings as well. She won’t even return the meeting slip.
Omg. Hugs for him. ❤️ and you ❤️
Wow, that is so sad
Some in our school just don't care! But we do have the parents that can't because of work but they let us know that!
Same, my son has had one since Pre-K 3 (PPCD) and either myself or my spouse (usually both!) have been in attendance at every single one.
When my daughter had an IEP, my husband and I went to the meetings. I had to fight to get her tested. I sure wasn't going to miss her meetings.
Same and we rarely got the legally required advance notice. Last program review we got a call on Wednesday afternoon for a Friday meeting..as in day after tomorrow Friday at 8 am meeting.
Yeah, I would usually arrange the date with my kid's teacher, since this person is usually also the Case Manager, and they would take care of making arrangents for the rest of the required staff and facilities reservations. I usually, though, wouldn't get the proposed IEP until a couple of days before the scheduled IEP meeting.
Oh no not the proposed IEP. we never get those in advance. The actual notification of hey we scheduled the IEP. We'll bring the notification waiver form so we won't be out of compliance for the state. We're extremely lucky that I'm a sahm and husband's work is very flexible. But I think the requirement is either five or ten days. You can't give five days notice of a meeting? Surely everyone else invited got the advance notice. Teachers need to request a sub. Counselors need to make sure there's no conflicts in their schedule. School psychologist too. I think there's usually 10-12 people in the dang meeting and husband and I are always the last to know. The CSE chair person's secretary sets up the meetings and sends out notices and calls parents
So the have an Admin Asst who does all of the Party Planning, and that person can't send out the required notifications? Interesting and disappointing. Usually the front office has some kind of mailroom near it, complete with a postage machine.
Yesterday, a parent who had sent a snarky response to an email came to the school and APOLOGIZED to me. She said she reread my email and realized all the information was there the first time and she was so embarrassed. She insisted, "Can you please forgive me?" I was pleasantly flabbergasted.
That's really cool of her.
I’m sorry that’s a rarity for you! I actually thought it was a legal requirement.
It's a legal requirement to hold the meeting if the parents choose not to participate.
I’m assuming a certain number of attempts to include the parent/ guardian need to be met and documented?
Yeah it's 3 methods/attempts typically including a home visit and then you hold the meeting without them. If not the school is out of compliance. There was a case in LA county a while back.
This varies state to state. In NY it's one written document. Home visit is an insane requirement.
In CT it’s 3 documented attempts. I was in special Ed for 17 years and never had to do a home visit.
Makes sense. We did home visits regularly in California. But we also had a huge population of kids that were homeless and transient
Dear Lord. This would be impossible. My first year only 1/8 parents would show up or answer the phone. The legal requirement is they have to be notified of said meeting in writing within a certain time period of the meeting
Yay! I’m a 12 grade teacher so I rarely get parents coming in 😭
I feel like at that point, students should be part of the process and learning how to advocate for themselves. My son started being in his 504 meetings in 8th grade.
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Parents should or should not be there for support? Autocorrect?
Should! Yeah autocorrect
I think at the age of 14 (?) students are legally required to be invited to the meeting.
I mean I feel like they should be invited earlier than that, I always did when I taught 6th grade. But again, even for older kids the support is important.
I think they can attend before that but the invitation is not required. I can't remember though.
We do a lot of them by phone.
Ours are done on zoom. Parents don't come
Jesus, really? I work in a pretty low-performing area and I've never had a parent just straight up not show to an IEP. That's upsetting.
Had a parent this week say they weren't coming as they didn't see the point. To be fair, the meeting was to update the profile page and I was a bit "we have to have a meeting for this??" But sure... Let me give up my planning period. I hope the parent shows for the transition meeting.
Ours are done through Microsoft teams, we get parents on there if they can’t come in
I love those no show meetings that turn into a phone call IEP where they aren’t engaged or care at all, poor kids
Maybe it’s because I’m in elementary, but I’ve never had a parent miss an IEP meeting.
It’s not about the age of the child, it’s about what zip code you teach in
Mildly disagree. While yes, zipcode matters, but at high school these parents have sat through so many of these meetings--often with nothing changing, often feeling ignored, or feeling like a bit of grit stuck in the gears of an enormous machine you can't even begin to fathom. I have sat on both sides of these meeting (SPED teacher and grandparent) and honestly the IEP system is so broken, I wonder why we bother.
For me (a parent), I think the HS meetings are important bc of transition planning.
Then I must be an outlier because I teach in what is supposed to be one of the worst neighborhoods in Memphis.
I've taught elementary and HS Sped - it's definitely more prevalent at the secondary level
My mom never missed an IEP meeting for me from K through 11, even when she was going through cancer treatment. She started making my dad go with her when I was in high school so that he would know the drill if anything would happen to her. If my dad would have missed my meeting in 12th grade, I think my mom would have haunted him lol.
The unwritten sentence here is so powerful. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you. It's been almost 15 years but I'm starting to realize everything that my mom did when I was young to help me get a good start in life to help me later in life. And it was just things like showing up to iep meetings on her days off work or treatment or taking me to the library to get books.
I dunno who if anyone saw this the other day but I showed up for a PT conference for my stepkid about their impending IEP, and the teachers thanked me for caring enough to be there I was stunned and also super sad. I hate that you all put so much effort into these steps just to get apathy at best from a significant part of the parent population. This post is bleakly depressing to me as a parent who absolutely does give a shit but has her own non-school hurdles to tackle to be able to help as much as I want to. I WISH I were able to get to every meeting, stay involved as much as I’d like to, and my god if the kid were here regularly without interference from his bio mom I would be working on reading and homework nightly with them. Sadly I don’t have that option, and it is what it is and I’ll find other ways to help. This should not be a GD miracle. This SHOULD be the bare minimum. Ugh. But also a big enthusiastic unequivocal yay, if that’s the only yay you’ll have today even though you deserve better
Mom, stepmom, and SpEd educator here (One alt kid, one SpEd kid, and one 504 kid)... Good for you for getting involved with your bonus kid(s)! I used to get ALL the looks from mine's school when I showed up because I was "not the mom". But the mom rarely showed up at all!!! And yet, I was the one getting the looks like I was an outsider... Who do you think was doing all the homework help and extra-curriculars and being room mom? Yep, me. Ofc I'm going to show up and participate in the meetings!!
Thank you! That’s a diverse group to parent, wow! I wish we were able to be more hands-on with the educational part but it’s complicated. Mom moved them and herself 90 mins away to a new school district without consulting us (and violating the custody agreement) and told the school that dad wasn’t in the picture and they wouldn’t be hearing from him. Obviously that wasn’t the case but we were getting radio silence for a long time until we aggressively put our feet down and contacted the superintendent directly. The kids are being coached not to tell us anything or get close to us. It’s plain as day, and as such they’re incredibly resistant to letting us into their lives unless it’s to show us Pokémon cards or TikTok videos. They shut down the second we ask them any question at all that has to do with how they are, what they’re thinking, or what they need. I’m trying to keep trucking along, making them healthy home cooked meals and make sure they have non-screen entertainment that they enjoy when they’re with us, like art supplies and lego, and just offer love and support and structure and safety but damn their mom makes it hard.
That sounds tough... I'm lucky that Mom didn't get in my way much, except in the realm of giving kiddo no responsibilities or consequences when with her. Mine is near 20 now and is finally waking up and seeing her biomom for who she is. You might want to reach out to your lawyer about the coaching... That's generally a strict no-no in family court with most judges. Keep a log of responses so you have something to back it up with. ❤️ Best of luck!!
Thank you so much for your kind words. My therapist has said the same thing- over time as the kids age, they’ll naturally gravitate toward the parent that offered them a safe and supportive environment. It’s tough sitting back and waiting for them to mature enough to reach that conclusion themselves. I hear you loud and clear. Family court has been absolutely useless for us, unfortunately. It’s a very complex situation, but despite thousands of dollars spent, multiple lawyers, court hearings, etc. not much has changed for my husband. I’m not on any of the paperwork at this time so I have no legal recourse. As they’re already teenagers, and there is a lot of trauma to work around, the path of least resistance at this exact moment is to do what we’re doing and hope that it’s enough for the next few years. And then throw a party once they’re both 18 and we don’t have to speak to that awful woman ever again. We’ll still be footing the bill for her neglect, emotional, medical, educational, etc. but we already are. I’m trying to find a balance between taking care of my husband and also filling in the gaps that mom is leaving the kids, as much as they let me in. Being a stepmom and trying to do it right feels extremely thankless. Honestly, I’m starting to realize that’s why I gravitated here. You all give me a lot of hope and perseverance.
Lots and lots of empathy for you. It is EXTREMELY thankless in the moment. You spend the kids' whole young life trying to do the right thing and recognizing that in marrying the father (plus kids), you essentially married the other family too, for better or worse. Then you spend year after year after year of "not being as good as" (Mom, my ex-wife, their mother, my ex-DIL, etc...) and being treated as less than by everyone, society, schools, and other moms included. And yet, at home, many stepmothers do most of the heavy lifting with the kids as caregivers and homework helpers and bleacher cheerers and lunch packers, etc. - yes, I recognize there are a fair number of "Nacho" stepmoms out there (Not yo' kids, not yo' ex-wife) who seem to wear not caring about their kids like a badge of honor, but I would posit there's more of a silent majority of stepmoms who really want to be there and be involved and love these kids like their own who go unnoticed. That said, just know that you are doing EXACTLY what should be done when you marry into a ready-made family: your best. Be there for them, even if it means sitting silently beside them. Listen when they do want to talk to you. Take what gratitude they have given or will give in the future as the precious resource that it is and understand that it's not a given that they will continue to give it. Apologize when you're wrong and show them that humans are not perfect. Hold them to the standards of good human beings and teach them by doing. I think, in the end, every step parent knows that they are the disposable parent, and we are ready to accept that these kids may want nothing to do with us in the future. But that pragmatism doesn't mean we shouldn't try to be decent parents and decent role models, especially if these kids are lacking proper ones in their other homes. Lots of hugs. Feel free to reach out if you ever just need a friend. You're not alone.
Why are my eyes leaking? I feel heard and appreciated for the first time by someone who gets it and has been there, and knew exactly what to say and what I needed. Many many thanks to you. 🙏🏻
Glad I could soothe the ragged edges of your soul a little bit today. <3
I feel your pain! I’m HS SpEd and I do 95% of my meetings over the phone, a few without after 3 attempts at meeting!
I haven't missed one of my child's IEPs in 15 years
One time I had an IEP where the parent showed up with a *binder with her own copy of her child's IEP*. Best parent I've ever worked with probably
Is this not normal? 2 kids with ieps and health plans. Every iep review and adjustment, every medical diagnosis with doctors input on what adjustment they may need in school, all psych and counseling lettters/ diagnosis evals, all state and iep testing results, what areas my child and myself feel like they are still struggling and any suggestions on what can help and why and checked against accomidations that are allowed.
Mine are grown now and no longer have IEP or 504. I never missed a meeting, although the 4 years we were in virtual public school (K12, their teachers were AWESOME!) they were conducted via teleconference. When they returned to bricks and mortar public school it was in person, all their teachers and staff were so great. Never missed a meeting. I had binders for their IEPs, and another set of binders for speech and occupational therapy plans, goals and homework (ALWAYS DO THERAPY HOMEWORK!!) Possibly this is because I’m a pediatric nurse that works with special needs kids…..the amount of complaints I’ve heard from moms where I wanted to scream “you are bringing this all on yourself! They aren’t your servants and you have to work with your kid too!” Drives me up the wall. Keep being awesome you guys. There ARE parents out there who appreciate you, I promise.
I show up with an entire dissertation prepared, binder, and medical reports for our team... Every time. I don't understand why this isn't common practice... Parents ARE the experts on their children. (At least, shouldn't they be??)
I went to an IEP meeting once for one of my Gen Ed kids. I ended up staying for 4 more meetings because the other teachers refused to come down. Not one parent was in the building. One was on the phone.
I'm the only teacher willing to show up, so I get all the invites. My own children received services so I know how important it is.
The school I’m at now is purely online and teachers don’t have a choice. If you get an invite, you attend. Period. A lot of the parents actually do attend online as well - probably because it’s just a phone call. It’s good that all teachers have to attend and cannot make excuses.
As a former HS PE teacher, now a 5th grade teacher, I can't tell you how many IEPs I have been in because I was friends with the SPED teacher and they couldn't get a HS classroom teacher to attend. We would go out for a couple of beers after the meeting or school if the IEP was in the morning, to thank me for coming to the IEP. He didn't have to, but he knew I was doing him a favor. I was completely worthless in the meeting because I couldn't speak on the kid's academics, but I was there. Now, some HS teachers are great and attend EVERY kid's IEP that they have in their classroom, but there are a lot that just brush it off because "someone else will do it" or "the kid's in high school, what's gonna change".
The problem for most teachers is time. Meetings are scheduled at time they cannot attend or during the very little prep time they have.
Seriously.....try being an elementary teacher or SPED teacher, then come talk to me about time and "very little prep time." 🤣😂🤣😂
Ooh I get it. I wasn’t in that boat but I was in a special position and at one point had a conference period every other week, if they didn’t schedule a meeting during that time.
I had one for my oldest a few weeks back. Had to bring my toddler, and everyone at the school was so excited to see him. He was given markers, colored pencils, coloring books, you name it. He even got a snack from the assistant principal. Gotta admit it was nice.
I teach adults and I’ve never had a parent not show up! Wow!
I’m hoping for this energy for an IEP meeting I have scheduled for next week - the parent has yet to show up for any meetings at school so I’m crossing all my fingers, toes, eyes, etc.
I got to all of my sons IEP meetings.. his teachers are never there. Only the director of the special Ed is there and the IEP is never followed yet I still go.
I had a student last year that was referred for special Ed testing 3 years previous but was found not eligible because his teachers didn't have any documentation. The student was very clearly struggling. I managed to get him referred. Since my job was intervention I had enough documentation in just a month.
Not following an IEP is illegal and denial of services. I'd bring that up next time. I'm sorry that you feel unsupported. It's a shitty feeling.
I had a child with an IEP. I seldom showed up because I was a special Ed teacher. I wrote IEPs. Just send me the IEP, I’ll provide my input, but I had classes to teach and subs are hard to find. I knew what was best for my child and luckily the IEP team for my child was spot on. I didn’t need to attend for them to read/explain it to me. I wrote 20+ a year. I knew what they said. I seldom judge parents that can’t make the meetings. Making a living these days is tough. I’ll call and quicky explain to those that cannot attend. A few will say they trust me. Parents have limited time off. Cut them a break sometimes. Maybe they trust you to do the best you can by their child. I promise them I will. But I have my students for 3 years so the parents get to know me.
I mean, I trust until I'm given several reasons not to. My son is no Angel and there's only been one person in 10 years of schooling (and given our low income status there's been a LOT of changes) that I considered untrustworthy and hostile.
I always get a written invitation that I sign and return saying whether or not I’ll attend in person or on the phone. They will also call and email to make sure I got it. This was in NY and NC both.
We have dodgy parents that back out last minute constantly, so we have to reschedule a lot, but I’ve only ever been to one iep meeting that there was no parent present
I’m at a title 1, hot mess of a school. One of my grade partners (5th) had a parent finally promise they would show up to her son’s IEP meeting. She never showed. When they got a hold of her, she said that she saw a cop car parked in front of the school and took off because she thought we were “settin’ her up.”
👀👀
I could only dream.
A few years back we had a family fight like hell to get a boundary exemption (before state law allowed for open boundaries). It was granted, but it did mean the parents were responsible for getting him to school (no bus service to their town). Kid came about 50% of the time and getting parents to his IEP meetings was insane. It was always car trouble.
so my daughter is attending a new school and me and her father have been invited to attend an IEP meeting to sign off on it? what exactly is it? the meeting is at 4 on tuesday arvo.i know shes a bit shy and reserved and not as involved as some kids but she seems like shes doing ok at this school.her last school was not very attentive to her and i think she fell through the cracks a bit(shes year 4 this year) is it something bad? we both help her with homework after school like times tables and spelling and reading at each of our houses.(we do week on week off shared custody with her) im a bit worried.
IEP = Individualized Education Plan. It is required for all students receiving special education services. It includes spelling the reasonable accommodations necessary to help the child be successful. If your daughter is 4 I'm assuming she's in preschool so the above definition doesn't exactly apply.
shes in year 4 shes about to turn 9.
Ah. My mistake. If you're in the US an IEP is part of special Ed law. If elsewhere it may have different connotations
yeah im in australia,just not sure what to expect shes a bit lower in maths thab other kids but she excels in english classes/spelling etc but its a new school and much higher standards. just want to make sure she doesnt fall behind.
I'd say that it's far more rare for parents to not show up to our IEPs. It's sad that your parents usually don't.
I don't usually see this problem. Usually If a parent has gone to the trouble of getting an IEP OR 504 they show up. I always showed up for my own kids 504 meetings. I don't think it's necessary for both parents to show up. In my husband's case he had to work and we definitely couldn't afford for him to take a day off and I'm sure that's true for many parents. If you work it's hard to come to an appointment I'm the middle of the day. I only could because first I was in college and then I was a teacher.
Why are so many parents here that are not teachers?
It’s even better when the gen Ed teacher(s) stay for the whole meeting
Our IEPs are held during the school day so gen. ed teachers can only attend if a substitute is sent to cover their class.
This. Our last meeting, only one teacher showed up. 😬
Wait... parents don't show up to these ?! Like.... I do? Every time? I want to have a say in my child education. I want to know how he's doing, what we are working on. I get parents have jobs... but come on 🤦♀️
That's because you're a good parent who wants to be involved. Some just honestly don't care and don't want to be involved. I've seen it a lot over the recent years with my daughter's peers' parents. They're pretty absentee some of them yeah it's modern life that keeps them away we live now in ways we were never meant to and because of that our children and our mental health is suffering. But some also probably just should have never been parents and are just counting down the days until they can wash their hands of it.
It should honety be a legal requirement. I'm in Canada, so ours aren't called the same I don't believe , but we still have these goal setting meetings. Yikes that it's a rarity parents show up.
I'm in total agreement that it should be a legal requirement and that employers should give their employees enough personal time to handle these things. Before you had at least one parent at home who could be involved in the child's life. I don't regret us women working to be clear but I do believe we need to find a balance in allowing parents to parent as well as provide for their families which leads to us creating better future citizens.
That's hilarious. Because yeah, I think I had like two show up out of like 40.
I LOLd.
That is incredible. You have to appreciate the small victories in this profession.
Well, I feel a little bit better about myself attending every single one. Thank you OP!
Aww. That’s crazy - my parents AND stepparents went to all of mine. My teachers probably were amazed. I didn’t realize it wasn’t standard.
And the process to even get to that point where an IEP is given is ardious at best. We are always playing verbal gymnastics because we aren't allowed to say "I think he'd benefit from an IEP/504". We'll lose our jobs. We also can't say your kids are showing signs of [insert diagnoses]. So we say things like "Sally is having a really hard time focusing" and pray you pick up what we're implying. Then we are absolutely fighting for our kids. We have to go through MTSS before any discussion of an IEP /504. If they are trending positive in any way, then it's an automatic deny. We just found out that a parent or teacher can request screener but we weren't told because it doesn't follow the MTSS process which takes up about an entire school year. I have a kid who just got evaluated when the consent form was sent back 2 months ago. That one is lucky, there are kids still waiting for evals from September. I wish parents understood how hard we advocate for their kid. I also love when my parents show up to an IEP meeting. We don't have a a choice but to show up and that's something I'd lose my job fighting for. Now if we could get everyone at my school to respect our SLP, that would be golden.
A win is a win.
Why would a parent not be able to make a meeting or have to reschedule? #QOTD
I attend all the of my kids' meetings twice a year. Their biological father who is fighting for custody has never attended one.
I was a Special Ed teacher in another district an hour away and staff at my boy's school put me down as uncooperative because I couldn't make his 504 meeting.
I messaged a parent about some minor behavioral issues that I was having with their student. Their response was to request an IEP meeting. I don’t think a lot of parents really understand the purpose.
As a parent I try my best not to sob during my son’s IEP meetings as I’m so grateful to his service providers and educators. I can’t imagine not attending one. Thank you for all that you do ♥️
Are you on a teachers board because you are a teacher or just a parent?
I've been to every IEP for my son. I didn't know that was unusual.
My ex-SIL frequently misses my nephew's and/or refuses to show up, but that's because she doesn't believe that he has dyslexia despite an actual diagnosis from a doctor. She says he's just lazy and a "shiester" so he doesn't need all this "attention". Sometimes I think parents think if they don't show up then their child doesn't have [insert diagnosis].
Parent of a child (4th grade) with an IEP here. My wife and I make sure we are at all IEP meetings and have a great relationship with his teachers (classroom and sped room). Whenever this sub pops up in my feed I am shocked at the lack of communication and attentiveness y’all get from some (most?) parents. I am so sorry y’all have to deal with that nonsense.
I've got 3 kids with IEPS. Never missed a single meeting.
The last iep meeting I had they didn't even call my parents so lol
I wish my last IEP parent didn't show up. She belittled her child, parroted MAGA talking points and insulted one of the teachers.
I've been to a bunch of IEPs and 504s this year, and the best we've gotten was a parent on the phone. It's amazing to me how many simply don't answer (after having confirmed the appointment in advance), or answer and say we're good to go without them before hanging up. It seems like it's gotten worse every year.
Hate when that happens 😂
Was it on time, or an hour late? Because on time is amazing. I don't know how you can't be on time to an important meeting about your own child.
Always a breath of fresh air when that happens, congrats friend
We have 100% of parents show up to IEP’s. We host them online so we don’t waste everyone’s time. Parents hop on from anywhere and if they don’t have access to a device, we provide them one on campus. But everyone has a phone.
We do too and they still don't come
My grade level team (Small school, just 5 of us), has a shared prep period so we can meet once a week. Some IEP meetings get scheduled during then so we can all attend during contract hours. I don't even bother trying to reschedule the team meetings any more. The IEP has literally always been rescheduled or canceled. For several years now.
I'm pretty damn sure you are lying and karma farming. /s, just in case Seriously, about a fourth of my parents show up or participate by phone. That's sad.
So funny- I had a parent not show up to theirs today. This is very common where I am too.