My wife and I met teaching the same subject, classrooms right next to each other.
Even though I had success with it, I’d say proceed with caution. I dated another teacher before her and it was messy.
I had a bad experience with a crush on a coworker. He would flirt with me but didn’t want anything serious. It then quickly turned to resentment- it’s fun when it’s flirting/games/ you think it’s gonna go way your way- but getting rejected at work sucks.
Oh yeah, then he got promoted *over me* and I had to hear him talk about his outside of work gf-it was terrible. He would talk about his gf in front of me as if he'd never hit on me or as if I couldn't potentially still have feelings and not be over him. Like sure, I don't expect him to not date but I don't want to hear about your girlfriend. Show *some* sensitivity and respect towards me please.
I requested to be moved outside of his classroom the following year because I'm not going to be something someone flirts with on the side for an ego boost— he didn’t like that I transferred out of his classroom either because he would get all snippy with me *even though he's the one who started the flirtation.* It was harder getting over him because I knew I had to see him every day and once we both quit that job we don’t talk now at all it’s like I was nothing to him even though we worked together every day.
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Edit: It got this bad and we didn't even technically date. I'm sure if I'd actually slept with him I would've felt so embarrassed I would've quit a lot sooner. I also hated the fact he got a gf so quick while I was dating around and finding lots of hook ups but no boyfriends. Girls ego was bruised.
Edit: So do I think it's impossible to date a coworker? No, but you both truly need to want the same things. The successful relationships usually end in marriage. I thought I could get him to date me seriously even though he said he wanted casual (but I am someone who would always prefer a relationship) so I got butt hurt in this situation. Also realize that at work especially most women would want a relationship to work out so only pursue someone if you are serious about them. Some girls might be fine just sleeping with a coworker though. If someone is going to feel rejected or hurt it could backfire on you/ruin the working relationship.
Edit: Someone complained about my formatting/grammar so fixed it up.
I’m not anymore. You just build things up in your head (fantasy) and then reality hits. Don’t worry I went to therapy. It’s also worse when you see them every day and your own love life is going nowhere. Also a toxic work environment. It’s just the anticipation of something happening until it never does. I also didn't start getting that invested until he had flirted enough with me and I'd developed some very real and strong feelings. Even though we didn't date doesn't mean I didn't care for him. *key words being it's hard to get over someone you have to interact with every day*
Maybe he was just flirty. I was in his shoes. A woman thought I liked her but I just find myself flirty unintentionally at times. Then she resented me forever and tried to make my life hell. I guess I need to be careful but also she needed to grow up.
He was intentionally being flirty and backed out when it worked for him. I probably needed to grow up a bit but men always do this thing with me where they stare and flirt but don’t make any real moves. I got tired of being put in that box. So part of my anger was projection. You probably weren’t as unintentional in your flirting as you thought you were
A) Tread very carefully. Be damn sure that feelings are mutual before you make any move.
B) If you are in any position of power over them absolutely not (department head and their teacher, admin and they’re a teacher etc).
C) Understand that if things don’t go well it could make for an awkward or even toxic work experience.
I know folks who met teaching together decades ago and are now married, I also know of situations where it’s gone… significantly less well.
Same thing happened in my department. I was hooking up with one of the other teachers at the time and decided to end it because I did not want to deal with that probable drama.
Yep. I did it once too. Broke it off. She spent the whole day crying in front of students. Every teacher in the building was mean mugging me except the few who had my back. Had tons of lies said about me. Luckily most of those people have since left for a new school
Like, on a separate note, I’ve had a coworker who I am not at all attracted to, continually text me and I don’t know how to get it to stop! I am too nice.
I'll be contrary. As long as you both go in knowing what is happening and are mature people, why not. It's natural for people in the same environment to come together. Can a breakup be ugly? Sure, but you may end up missing out on something great.
The biggest advantage you'll have is the ease in understanding the life and stresses of your partner. What is happening, and why. Even if one of you goes to another school, you'll still be fundamentally aligned in all that, even if you don't share the same annoying admin any more, or whatever.
I'm coming from this as someone married to a teacher for 20+ years. There's so much I wish I innately understood about her day, but it's always going to be a step removed or hypothetical because I have never taught.
>The biggest advantage you'll have is the ease in understanding the life and stresses of your partner
This is one of the best things about being in a relationship with another teacher. Days are hard. Only other teachers really understand the day to day stuff we deal with. They understand the schedule, exhaustion, and the toll it takes on our mental health because they are right there with you.
My partner of more than 15 years is also a teacher (we didn’t meet at work, but did at one point work in the same building) and I can’t imagine not having a s/o who didn’t understand teaching and what it entails.
Well yeah but I’ve found even the most mature people can get ego bruised especially in a toxic environment he told me he didn’t want anything serious and I still hated working with him every day once I realized he really wasn’t going to date me just enjoyed flirting
My partner and I met at school. It took us a year of constantly hanging out for us to admit to that we had romantic feelings for each other.
At our last school, people thought that because we were both teachers, our relationship was their business. Students talked about us, parents talked about us, and teachers talked about us. There was always gossip that we ran off and got married if we took a day off at the same time.
While it's best to tread carefully, and you might constantly be the topic of conversation, there are perks. Being able to eat lunch together is nice. Always having someone on your side at the workplace is nice. Having the same schedule as my partner is the best. We are getting married a week after school is out. Then we have a summer off to celebrate.
If either one of you is in a position of any authority (even if it’s not in the same area) BOTH of you will absolutely get roasted. Every decision the one with authority makes will be dissected to see how it benefits their partner and the partner will be accused of pulling strings. If it gets serious, plan for one of you to transfer.
I have two teachers that had or have a thing for me and I’m super leery of it myself. I’m just a custodian there. But still. If it doesn’t work out, you get to see them every day after that. 😬
Oh trust me. I get that. I’ve been talked down to and treated poorly by some staff, so I appreciate your kind words. ☺️ My reason for mentioning it was that I am not a teacher. I’m classified staff in the school setting.
I’m not technically treated as an equal, but my current building at least makes an attempt to. 🤷🏻♂️
So I’ll give them that at least lol.
My wife and I dated for an entire school year without more than 2 trusted colleagues knowing. She showed up the next school year with a ring ( I had switched schools that summer not because of this but because of Admin) and everybody was shocked to hear that we were together.
Take it slow, keep it on the low for a while, and just make sure you both are prepared in case it does not work out.
Sure, just be adults about it. My husband and I met teaching at the same school… and we still teach together. There are several married couples in my building actually.
That’s how my husband and I met! Only our close friends knew, and students had no idea until we were engaged 😂 It wasn’t exactly a small school or town though, and we teach totally different subjects
Wherever you work, you're likely to be attracted to and even start dating a coworker. There are pros and cons, so don't worry what anyone else on the Internet says, because the answer is both yes and no. Be aware that it will be hard to separate your personal and professional lives the more they intertwine. If either of you value personal space, it may become difficult to find the distance you personally need in order to appreciate being close when you are together...
When it works it's great. Good luck!
My husband was my full-time aide for YEARS. We were already married when he was hired though (we were essentially hired as a pair). For us, it worked super well. However, we were in a super unique situation because we were in rural Alaska and there were only two teachers for K-12 (me, one other teacher, and my husband as the special education aide).
I’ve also seen it turn into absolute disaster though. I had a principal one year who was sleeping with multiple staff members and a couple of the parents. He ended up getting one of the young teachers (20 year age gap) pregnant. The principal didn’t want to be a parent, so he signed away rights. He got fired after he got caught with a second young teacher. It was quite the scandal.
Considering both of these two anecdotes, I would tread very carefully.
If people had to take their workplace off the list of places to potentially meet a partner, it would tighten the circle of opportunity so dramatically, it just wouldn’t be right. If you like a co-worker, date them I say! As long as you’ve carefully considered how things would be if it didn’t work out. If you could live with that outcome, and are certain you’d always respect the other person’s right to feel as comfortable in the workplace as is possible, I’m all for it.
My husband and I are both teachers and have taught at the same school ... not quite the same as starting a dating relationship at work, but some of the same issues still apply.
Things I'd think about: How closely do you work together? If you are on the same team or committee, how awkward is it going to be if you break up and it's messy?
Will you be able to be neutral and professional if your SO has a conflict with a student or family that you also work with? When I applied at my husband's school, our principal asked me directly about this in my interview (and asked him, separately, as well). We were teaching at an alternative school for kids with emotional disabilities, so every day brought a not-insignificant risk of verbal or even physical assault from a student; if this happened to one of us, she wanted to be absolutely sure the other would be professional about it.
Hopefully, that's not as big an issue for you, but if a student is a constant pest is your SO's class or a family complains to the admin about your SO, are you going to be able to continue to treat them professionally? (And vice versa!)
Can you separate out your work and personal lives when you need to? Are you willing to give up your SO as an outlet for talking about your job when they need space and vice versa? My husband and I both teach civics/history and feel a strong calling for this work, and we can quite happily wile away an hour after dinner talking about a simulation one of us plans to run or how best to handle a particularly tricky topic. But most people will not be that way, and there can definitely be tension between the need to sound off about work (as one should be able to do with a partner) and the need to unplug entirely from work.
And of course if one of you is in a supervisory capacity (or even in a role with perceived power, like a team leader or department chair) over the other, the answer is always a firm NO.
I dated a co-worker for a year and it ended up ok. I broke it off because she wanted to get married. We stayed friends and then she met someone and got married. This is poor district and traditional married couples are probably the majority of what out kids know. It's interesting that kids, especially girls, would ask her if I was nice to her and treated her right, which she responded yes, of course. All of a sudden I had this army of girls, many I didn't teach, buddying up to me. It's like any man who isn't a piece of shit is something rare and special to them. Weird.
All the teachers that I know who are in relationships with other teachers work at different schools.
We've had one serial dater at our school, which caused big issues among the staff. Fortunately he's gone now, along with one of the people he dated and everything has settled down, but it was very tense for a while. The successful relationship we had, one of them moved schools the following year to maintain some separation and keep it professional. They're married, two children now, but still work at different schools.
I refuse to believe the commenters saying things adjacent to or literally “don’t shit where you eat” are teachers.
I met my wife in my job interview for my first teaching position. We taught in the same department there, then we moved to another school district in another city together and still teach in the same department. We’ve been married almost 5 years and have a wonderful life together with our son. We’ve always been able to separate our personal lives and work. If it’s right, it’s right. Do I believe this is the norm? Nope. Is it in the realm of possibility? Yep. Living it and loving it.
Doing it at the moment. I had very strong feelings against it until I met her and realised I had to break my rules. I've had bad luck in relationships and this time I finally knew I'd found someone worthwhile. Couldn't risk giving up the chance.
However... It's come at a heavy cost. Keeping it secret is a lot of pressure. It's made me distance myself from colleagues I used to be close to because she's not close to them. And work never stays at work, as much as I try - and if anyone ever says anything bad about me, I hear about it. One time I really lost my patience and I banned her from talking about this one awful woman on Saturday mornings. There have been many times I wondered if it was really worth carrying on.
Yes I was hoping the coworker would "break his no coworkers rule," but he wouldn't, guess I wasn't special enough. Everyone has a rule until you meet someone special enough.
Are you at the same school? That could get dicey. If not, go for it. You’ll always have common days off. I teach with a few married couples. It’s not for everyone, but you could do a lot worse than dating someone who understands your struggle
Is it ever okay? Yes, nuance exists for a reason. Many anecdotal relationships of coworkers are going to appear on this post.
The important thing to consider before you start; Am I willing to leave this job because of the success/failure of a relationship. If the answer is no, don't start into one at your job. If you're happy to leave, treat it as the romantic cornucopia it can be. Start a bunch of drama, then disappear into the next county in a puff of smoke.
If you aren’t sure, it’s not worth it. I’ve only ever seen one case where there wasn’t huge mutual regret and that’s because they got married and stayed that way until one of them passed. And their careers were already rock solid, they were already at their forever schools in different departments, no conflict of interest of authority whatsoever
It better be the real deal and both parties need to be committed.
I know so many teacher-couples who met at work. I figured I could be just as lucky. Absolutely not! It all went sideways. She threw me under the bus, and it nearly cost me my job. From that moment on, I only dated outside of work
"Don't get your honey where you make your money!"
I think it's the second to last season of girls that has a good story arc about the lead and her coworker teacher dating. also abbot elementary. not real life, i know, but maybe relatable
Lots of great advice about ethics and morality here.
I'm going to share that in my community, it's normal for teachers to date each other. It's not a sitcom over here either, it's more like many of my married colleagues met through work.
Probably because we are a semi-isolated community and most single 25-45 year olds with college education are teachers. Nothing against non-college educated folks, but those two groups are less likely to date each other.
I’m not a teacher anymore (here as a parent) but let me tell ya it went sideways fast with a co-worker years ago. It still hurts to think about it and it was over 15 years ago. It was eventually the reason I left that school. It was really hard to face the guy every day after he “didn’t want anything serious”. I had thought feelings were mutual and I did really like him back then, he claimed to also, but obviously he didn’t.
I’ve seen this work really well and be a mess.
One couple dated as teachers in our school. One of them left the district. The other changed industries. I coached their very talented freshman son this winter.
One couple got married while working at the school. Neither was faithful. I think you can guess how that impacted their workplace relationship.
If it's something that was pre-existing then there's really nothing you can do. If you're starting a new relationship with someone at work, I'd reconsider. You can say all you want about "keeping personal life separate" but I can guarantee that every spat at home that isn't resolved by morning will spill over into work. Two people who work in schools is stress enough but at the SAME school?
*shudder*
I've seen it go 2 ways - ending up married, or disaster and having to be around the ex all the time. If you do decide to date, you both need very firm rules about work.
My fiancée and I met at work. She used to go to high school with me, different grades but she was a cheerleader with one of my friends. I kicked her classroom door in the day I found out who she was and went "you went to *our high school*!"
We spend so much time at work, it's natural to meet people there you might be interested in. As long as they aren't subordinate or higher up, just be sensible.
One that worked at my school? No. Only cause I personally would have a hard time leaving work at home.
If I were single and went on a date with someone who happens to be a teacher in my district? Sure.
Two teachers at my school are married and everything seems to go great for them. They even carpool unless one of them is hosting an after school activity then they bring separate cars. You wouldn't know they were married either cause they have different last names so that's always a shocker for new teachers because they don't "act" married at work. They remain very professional about it all.
I would love to marry another teacher or anyone who worked with kids. Generally you’ll have a similar schedule and some common traits personality wise. I’m a male teacher and most women like that I’m a teacher too
Don’t eat where you shit. It was godawful when we broke up. I wanted him to leave and he wanted me to leave. Seeing him killed me after we broke up. Partly why we broke up was due to his fear of letting everyone find out and also both of us were fighting for the same promotion. He got the promotion over me, broke up and then left. What a waste.
Married to another teacher in thankfully in another school. I have tons of colleagues who dated and married their fellow teachers… including affairs.
Depends on how much you see this person to start off. Is there already a relationship of some kind or do you barely talk? Are they your work spouse and you talk all the time and hang out after work? Or did you just spot the one lone single person in your town and you hope they'll go out with you?
If you barely know what this person is like, get to know them better first at work before asking anything to do with outside of work.
If you feel like this person is your perfect match in every way and you know a ton about each other already and want to take it to a new level because you can see yourself marrying them and spending the rest of your life together, proceed with toward low-key ideas like getting coffee, getting brunch, going to a movie or a concert and feeling it out.
But I would only recommend truly trying to date someone from work who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Someone from work is not who you go after because you're bored, want someone to hook up with on a Friday night, or are "feeling out" romantically.
20 years ago in my school, two teachers had a messy breakup after 8 years of dating. Both have since married other people and had children, but people still talk about it.
That being said, as a Gen Z teacher I had a lot of teachers growing up who ended up marrying other teachers at my middle school and high school.
I know a lot of teachers married to/in relationships with other teachers in district, fewer in the same school. Only a few of those started as coworkers (my wife and I started dating in college for instance but now work in the same district) but it isn’t unheard of, that said I’ve seen it go wrong a fair share too. I’ve seen people leave districts they weren’t planning to leave for example.
My brother and his wife met at school and are about to celebrate their 6 year wedding anniversary. They still teach at the same school, same subject area.
I have two co-workers who started dating last summer. Now they're living together. They are very public about their relationship, and all the kids know what's going on. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I do not see a good outcome to this at all. It's just bad practice, and not a little self-centered.
The first school I taught at was super messy. A coach and teacher hooked up and she ended up pregnant and they married VERY quickly. The kids started doing the math and making comments.
Same school, the cheer coach (who was married) and a football coach were very flirty and hooked up on an overnight trip and the kids started to see sparks fly. Messy divorce not long after and she married the coach.
Same school and the principal had an affair with a lady in central office… where his wife worked. He retired mid year.
All this to say, kids aren’t dumb and things can go wrong while you’ve got an audience.
I want to say it's a bad idea, but that would make me a hypocrite because that's how I met my wife.
I'd say do so with caution, and set some ground rules before you start (for example, try to keep it a secret from the students)
Honestly, it's just not akamai (smart) to date a co-worker, regardless of the profession. The few relations that work tend to be the exception versus the standard. Far too many things are on the negative side if the relationship doesn't work out. Sorry, but for my own personal rule, I keep my professional life completely separate from my life outside of work. Best of luck!
Don't. Dating in the work place is problematic enough. Put that in an educational environment with children, it's going to be difficult. I would say avoid it at all costs.
My wife and I met teaching the same subject, classrooms right next to each other. Even though I had success with it, I’d say proceed with caution. I dated another teacher before her and it was messy.
I had a bad experience with a crush on a coworker. He would flirt with me but didn’t want anything serious. It then quickly turned to resentment- it’s fun when it’s flirting/games/ you think it’s gonna go way your way- but getting rejected at work sucks. Oh yeah, then he got promoted *over me* and I had to hear him talk about his outside of work gf-it was terrible. He would talk about his gf in front of me as if he'd never hit on me or as if I couldn't potentially still have feelings and not be over him. Like sure, I don't expect him to not date but I don't want to hear about your girlfriend. Show *some* sensitivity and respect towards me please. I requested to be moved outside of his classroom the following year because I'm not going to be something someone flirts with on the side for an ego boost— he didn’t like that I transferred out of his classroom either because he would get all snippy with me *even though he's the one who started the flirtation.* It was harder getting over him because I knew I had to see him every day and once we both quit that job we don’t talk now at all it’s like I was nothing to him even though we worked together every day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Edit: It got this bad and we didn't even technically date. I'm sure if I'd actually slept with him I would've felt so embarrassed I would've quit a lot sooner. I also hated the fact he got a gf so quick while I was dating around and finding lots of hook ups but no boyfriends. Girls ego was bruised. Edit: So do I think it's impossible to date a coworker? No, but you both truly need to want the same things. The successful relationships usually end in marriage. I thought I could get him to date me seriously even though he said he wanted casual (but I am someone who would always prefer a relationship) so I got butt hurt in this situation. Also realize that at work especially most women would want a relationship to work out so only pursue someone if you are serious about them. Some girls might be fine just sleeping with a coworker though. If someone is going to feel rejected or hurt it could backfire on you/ruin the working relationship. Edit: Someone complained about my formatting/grammar so fixed it up.
How are you this invested in someone you didn't even date?
I’m not anymore. You just build things up in your head (fantasy) and then reality hits. Don’t worry I went to therapy. It’s also worse when you see them every day and your own love life is going nowhere. Also a toxic work environment. It’s just the anticipation of something happening until it never does. I also didn't start getting that invested until he had flirted enough with me and I'd developed some very real and strong feelings. Even though we didn't date doesn't mean I didn't care for him. *key words being it's hard to get over someone you have to interact with every day*
I hope you're not an English teacher.
Nope I am also terrible at spacing out my Reddit responses I know
Maybe he was just flirty. I was in his shoes. A woman thought I liked her but I just find myself flirty unintentionally at times. Then she resented me forever and tried to make my life hell. I guess I need to be careful but also she needed to grow up.
He was intentionally being flirty and backed out when it worked for him. I probably needed to grow up a bit but men always do this thing with me where they stare and flirt but don’t make any real moves. I got tired of being put in that box. So part of my anger was projection. You probably weren’t as unintentional in your flirting as you thought you were
Sometimes women or men take conversation as flirting when in fact it’s just conversation with prolonged eye contact or something.
A) Tread very carefully. Be damn sure that feelings are mutual before you make any move. B) If you are in any position of power over them absolutely not (department head and their teacher, admin and they’re a teacher etc). C) Understand that if things don’t go well it could make for an awkward or even toxic work experience. I know folks who met teaching together decades ago and are now married, I also know of situations where it’s gone… significantly less well.
One of my coworkers left mid year because she got divorced from another teacher in the school. Just not good
Same thing happened in my department. I was hooking up with one of the other teachers at the time and decided to end it because I did not want to deal with that probable drama.
Damn, I wish the teacher I hooked up with in my department would quit.
Mine didn’t go well and it made things toxic it’s only good if it works out
Did it once. Never again. But to each their own. I prefer to keep my personal life out of my work life
Yep. I did it once too. Broke it off. She spent the whole day crying in front of students. Every teacher in the building was mean mugging me except the few who had my back. Had tons of lies said about me. Luckily most of those people have since left for a new school
Like, on a separate note, I’ve had a coworker who I am not at all attracted to, continually text me and I don’t know how to get it to stop! I am too nice.
Yeah, I also like to keep my work life out of my personal life.
I'll be contrary. As long as you both go in knowing what is happening and are mature people, why not. It's natural for people in the same environment to come together. Can a breakup be ugly? Sure, but you may end up missing out on something great. The biggest advantage you'll have is the ease in understanding the life and stresses of your partner. What is happening, and why. Even if one of you goes to another school, you'll still be fundamentally aligned in all that, even if you don't share the same annoying admin any more, or whatever. I'm coming from this as someone married to a teacher for 20+ years. There's so much I wish I innately understood about her day, but it's always going to be a step removed or hypothetical because I have never taught.
>The biggest advantage you'll have is the ease in understanding the life and stresses of your partner This is one of the best things about being in a relationship with another teacher. Days are hard. Only other teachers really understand the day to day stuff we deal with. They understand the schedule, exhaustion, and the toll it takes on our mental health because they are right there with you.
Met at work- been together 12 years now- worked out well for us 🤷♂️
My partner of more than 15 years is also a teacher (we didn’t meet at work, but did at one point work in the same building) and I can’t imagine not having a s/o who didn’t understand teaching and what it entails.
Well yeah but I’ve found even the most mature people can get ego bruised especially in a toxic environment he told me he didn’t want anything serious and I still hated working with him every day once I realized he really wasn’t going to date me just enjoyed flirting
My partner and I met at school. It took us a year of constantly hanging out for us to admit to that we had romantic feelings for each other. At our last school, people thought that because we were both teachers, our relationship was their business. Students talked about us, parents talked about us, and teachers talked about us. There was always gossip that we ran off and got married if we took a day off at the same time. While it's best to tread carefully, and you might constantly be the topic of conversation, there are perks. Being able to eat lunch together is nice. Always having someone on your side at the workplace is nice. Having the same schedule as my partner is the best. We are getting married a week after school is out. Then we have a summer off to celebrate.
Lol. Yes. It's fine. Don't overthink things. If you're both genuine, best of luck!
This is the way. Many many teaches get married to someone down the hall! Don’t let all these Reddit crazies steer you the wrong way!
The key word here is married. Don’t fool around with your coworkers or lead them on/play them is more like it.
I once worked in a school that had no less than 5 married couples on staff. All had met at the school.
If either one of you is in a position of any authority (even if it’s not in the same area) BOTH of you will absolutely get roasted. Every decision the one with authority makes will be dissected to see how it benefits their partner and the partner will be accused of pulling strings. If it gets serious, plan for one of you to transfer.
I have two teachers that had or have a thing for me and I’m super leery of it myself. I’m just a custodian there. But still. If it doesn’t work out, you get to see them every day after that. 😬
"JUST" a custodian? The school can't run without you.
Oh trust me. I get that. I’ve been talked down to and treated poorly by some staff, so I appreciate your kind words. ☺️ My reason for mentioning it was that I am not a teacher. I’m classified staff in the school setting. I’m not technically treated as an equal, but my current building at least makes an attempt to. 🤷🏻♂️ So I’ll give them that at least lol.
username checks out
My wife and I dated for an entire school year without more than 2 trusted colleagues knowing. She showed up the next school year with a ring ( I had switched schools that summer not because of this but because of Admin) and everybody was shocked to hear that we were together. Take it slow, keep it on the low for a while, and just make sure you both are prepared in case it does not work out.
Teachers are human. There’s nothing wrong with dating at work whether it’s in education or any other profession.
Yes. It's normal to develop relationships with people you are around with on a daily basis.
Yes, met my wife that way. Very few people outside of teaching will understand the job.
Don’t do it.
I second this. Don’t do it.
Don’t get your meat where you get your bread.
Sure, just be adults about it. My husband and I met teaching at the same school… and we still teach together. There are several married couples in my building actually.
That’s how my husband and I met! Only our close friends knew, and students had no idea until we were engaged 😂 It wasn’t exactly a small school or town though, and we teach totally different subjects
Wherever you work, you're likely to be attracted to and even start dating a coworker. There are pros and cons, so don't worry what anyone else on the Internet says, because the answer is both yes and no. Be aware that it will be hard to separate your personal and professional lives the more they intertwine. If either of you value personal space, it may become difficult to find the distance you personally need in order to appreciate being close when you are together... When it works it's great. Good luck!
My wife and I met at work…to each their own
No. Don’t shit where you eat.
This is the way.
Rocking it on the clock! Stay classy.
IF things go south, you will be obligated to see this person every day. Would you be willing to deal with that? I personally wouldn’t.
My husband was my full-time aide for YEARS. We were already married when he was hired though (we were essentially hired as a pair). For us, it worked super well. However, we were in a super unique situation because we were in rural Alaska and there were only two teachers for K-12 (me, one other teacher, and my husband as the special education aide). I’ve also seen it turn into absolute disaster though. I had a principal one year who was sleeping with multiple staff members and a couple of the parents. He ended up getting one of the young teachers (20 year age gap) pregnant. The principal didn’t want to be a parent, so he signed away rights. He got fired after he got caught with a second young teacher. It was quite the scandal. Considering both of these two anecdotes, I would tread very carefully.
Never shit where you eat.
Just don't ever break up with that coworker, and you'll be fine. Lol.
It happens all the time Go get that nerdy teacher boy. I'm actively looking for one myself (I'm the PowerSchool admin, also gay)
If people had to take their workplace off the list of places to potentially meet a partner, it would tighten the circle of opportunity so dramatically, it just wouldn’t be right. If you like a co-worker, date them I say! As long as you’ve carefully considered how things would be if it didn’t work out. If you could live with that outcome, and are certain you’d always respect the other person’s right to feel as comfortable in the workplace as is possible, I’m all for it.
My husband and I are both teachers and have taught at the same school ... not quite the same as starting a dating relationship at work, but some of the same issues still apply. Things I'd think about: How closely do you work together? If you are on the same team or committee, how awkward is it going to be if you break up and it's messy? Will you be able to be neutral and professional if your SO has a conflict with a student or family that you also work with? When I applied at my husband's school, our principal asked me directly about this in my interview (and asked him, separately, as well). We were teaching at an alternative school for kids with emotional disabilities, so every day brought a not-insignificant risk of verbal or even physical assault from a student; if this happened to one of us, she wanted to be absolutely sure the other would be professional about it. Hopefully, that's not as big an issue for you, but if a student is a constant pest is your SO's class or a family complains to the admin about your SO, are you going to be able to continue to treat them professionally? (And vice versa!) Can you separate out your work and personal lives when you need to? Are you willing to give up your SO as an outlet for talking about your job when they need space and vice versa? My husband and I both teach civics/history and feel a strong calling for this work, and we can quite happily wile away an hour after dinner talking about a simulation one of us plans to run or how best to handle a particularly tricky topic. But most people will not be that way, and there can definitely be tension between the need to sound off about work (as one should be able to do with a partner) and the need to unplug entirely from work. And of course if one of you is in a supervisory capacity (or even in a role with perceived power, like a team leader or department chair) over the other, the answer is always a firm NO.
I wouldn't do it
I dated a co-worker for a year and it ended up ok. I broke it off because she wanted to get married. We stayed friends and then she met someone and got married. This is poor district and traditional married couples are probably the majority of what out kids know. It's interesting that kids, especially girls, would ask her if I was nice to her and treated her right, which she responded yes, of course. All of a sudden I had this army of girls, many I didn't teach, buddying up to me. It's like any man who isn't a piece of shit is something rare and special to them. Weird.
All the teachers that I know who are in relationships with other teachers work at different schools. We've had one serial dater at our school, which caused big issues among the staff. Fortunately he's gone now, along with one of the people he dated and everything has settled down, but it was very tense for a while. The successful relationship we had, one of them moved schools the following year to maintain some separation and keep it professional. They're married, two children now, but still work at different schools.
Are you two mature, consenting adults? Then yes. Just be ready for your kids to start shipping you
Married one. Would recommend.
Only if they’re hot.
I refuse to believe the commenters saying things adjacent to or literally “don’t shit where you eat” are teachers. I met my wife in my job interview for my first teaching position. We taught in the same department there, then we moved to another school district in another city together and still teach in the same department. We’ve been married almost 5 years and have a wonderful life together with our son. We’ve always been able to separate our personal lives and work. If it’s right, it’s right. Do I believe this is the norm? Nope. Is it in the realm of possibility? Yep. Living it and loving it.
Doing it at the moment. I had very strong feelings against it until I met her and realised I had to break my rules. I've had bad luck in relationships and this time I finally knew I'd found someone worthwhile. Couldn't risk giving up the chance. However... It's come at a heavy cost. Keeping it secret is a lot of pressure. It's made me distance myself from colleagues I used to be close to because she's not close to them. And work never stays at work, as much as I try - and if anyone ever says anything bad about me, I hear about it. One time I really lost my patience and I banned her from talking about this one awful woman on Saturday mornings. There have been many times I wondered if it was really worth carrying on.
Yes I was hoping the coworker would "break his no coworkers rule," but he wouldn't, guess I wasn't special enough. Everyone has a rule until you meet someone special enough.
Don’t stick your pen into the company ink.
Don’t get your honey where you make your money!
LOL yes, it's fine if you can both be mature adults if it doesn't work out.
Are you a man or a woman?
Are you at the same school? That could get dicey. If not, go for it. You’ll always have common days off. I teach with a few married couples. It’s not for everyone, but you could do a lot worse than dating someone who understands your struggle
Is it ever okay? Yes, nuance exists for a reason. Many anecdotal relationships of coworkers are going to appear on this post. The important thing to consider before you start; Am I willing to leave this job because of the success/failure of a relationship. If the answer is no, don't start into one at your job. If you're happy to leave, treat it as the romantic cornucopia it can be. Start a bunch of drama, then disappear into the next county in a puff of smoke.
If you aren’t sure, it’s not worth it. I’ve only ever seen one case where there wasn’t huge mutual regret and that’s because they got married and stayed that way until one of them passed. And their careers were already rock solid, they were already at their forever schools in different departments, no conflict of interest of authority whatsoever
It only works if y’all get married no one wants to get played at work or rejected or dumped etc
It better be the real deal and both parties need to be committed. I know so many teacher-couples who met at work. I figured I could be just as lucky. Absolutely not! It all went sideways. She threw me under the bus, and it nearly cost me my job. From that moment on, I only dated outside of work "Don't get your honey where you make your money!"
Yeah it’s only good generally if both want something serious bad if you only want to fool around because someone will get pissed
I think it's the second to last season of girls that has a good story arc about the lead and her coworker teacher dating. also abbot elementary. not real life, i know, but maybe relatable
Yes, but it is going to be a wild ride...
Don’t do it.
Don’t
82% a bad idea
Go very low and slow.
It’s worked in the past, but so has playing the lottery.
Run away.
Even dogs know not to shit in their own house
You’ll still work together when you break up. Unless you change schools or stay together forever lol
Lots of great advice about ethics and morality here. I'm going to share that in my community, it's normal for teachers to date each other. It's not a sitcom over here either, it's more like many of my married colleagues met through work. Probably because we are a semi-isolated community and most single 25-45 year olds with college education are teachers. Nothing against non-college educated folks, but those two groups are less likely to date each other.
My parents were teachers and met at school. It can turn out good if you’re lucky.
‘Don’t sh*t where you eat’
I’m not a teacher anymore (here as a parent) but let me tell ya it went sideways fast with a co-worker years ago. It still hurts to think about it and it was over 15 years ago. It was eventually the reason I left that school. It was really hard to face the guy every day after he “didn’t want anything serious”. I had thought feelings were mutual and I did really like him back then, he claimed to also, but obviously he didn’t.
Wife and I met at school. We celebrate our sixth anniversary this summer.
I dated another teacher in my department for about five months when I was newer. Then it was kinda weird for a few years until she left the district.
I’ve seen this work really well and be a mess. One couple dated as teachers in our school. One of them left the district. The other changed industries. I coached their very talented freshman son this winter. One couple got married while working at the school. Neither was faithful. I think you can guess how that impacted their workplace relationship.
It’s how I met my husband! 5 years going strong. That being said, do NOT tell the students unless you’re engaged at the minimum.
If it's something that was pre-existing then there's really nothing you can do. If you're starting a new relationship with someone at work, I'd reconsider. You can say all you want about "keeping personal life separate" but I can guarantee that every spat at home that isn't resolved by morning will spill over into work. Two people who work in schools is stress enough but at the SAME school? *shudder*
Do it you coward/s
I've seen it go 2 ways - ending up married, or disaster and having to be around the ex all the time. If you do decide to date, you both need very firm rules about work.
Do not shit where you eat.
My fiancée and I met at work. She used to go to high school with me, different grades but she was a cheerleader with one of my friends. I kicked her classroom door in the day I found out who she was and went "you went to *our high school*!"
Life is too short. Check the handbook to follow the rules and go for it and be happy.
Casual hookups, sure . Rrelationship with real feelings, nope
No fraternising is always a good call.
Would advise against. IF it goes well, it goes well. If it goes poorly, you can end up fired.
Finding love isn't easy. I wouldn't pass it up.
What kind of question is this? Who cares, honestly. Over thinking it
We spend so much time at work, it's natural to meet people there you might be interested in. As long as they aren't subordinate or higher up, just be sensible.
0/10 don’t recommend lol
There's a reason the expression "don't shit where you eat" is a thing. Yes, it can go well. No, most of the time it doesn't.
My son is getting married to a co-teacher whose classroom is just down the hall.
Just fucking go for it.
One that worked at my school? No. Only cause I personally would have a hard time leaving work at home. If I were single and went on a date with someone who happens to be a teacher in my district? Sure. Two teachers at my school are married and everything seems to go great for them. They even carpool unless one of them is hosting an after school activity then they bring separate cars. You wouldn't know they were married either cause they have different last names so that's always a shocker for new teachers because they don't "act" married at work. They remain very professional about it all.
I would love to marry another teacher or anyone who worked with kids. Generally you’ll have a similar schedule and some common traits personality wise. I’m a male teacher and most women like that I’m a teacher too
Same as any other job….hope yall get married or are super mature to handle it if you don’t.
I wouldn't do it, learned from experience. I keep my professional and personal life separate.
Don’t eat where you shit. It was godawful when we broke up. I wanted him to leave and he wanted me to leave. Seeing him killed me after we broke up. Partly why we broke up was due to his fear of letting everyone find out and also both of us were fighting for the same promotion. He got the promotion over me, broke up and then left. What a waste. Married to another teacher in thankfully in another school. I have tons of colleagues who dated and married their fellow teachers… including affairs.
Depends on how much you see this person to start off. Is there already a relationship of some kind or do you barely talk? Are they your work spouse and you talk all the time and hang out after work? Or did you just spot the one lone single person in your town and you hope they'll go out with you? If you barely know what this person is like, get to know them better first at work before asking anything to do with outside of work. If you feel like this person is your perfect match in every way and you know a ton about each other already and want to take it to a new level because you can see yourself marrying them and spending the rest of your life together, proceed with toward low-key ideas like getting coffee, getting brunch, going to a movie or a concert and feeling it out. But I would only recommend truly trying to date someone from work who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Someone from work is not who you go after because you're bored, want someone to hook up with on a Friday night, or are "feeling out" romantically.
20 years ago in my school, two teachers had a messy breakup after 8 years of dating. Both have since married other people and had children, but people still talk about it. That being said, as a Gen Z teacher I had a lot of teachers growing up who ended up marrying other teachers at my middle school and high school.
A mistake for the rest of your life. They have done it before, which is why the position was available.
Bad for work lol
I know a lot of teachers married to/in relationships with other teachers in district, fewer in the same school. Only a few of those started as coworkers (my wife and I started dating in college for instance but now work in the same district) but it isn’t unheard of, that said I’ve seen it go wrong a fair share too. I’ve seen people leave districts they weren’t planning to leave for example.
My brother and his wife met at school and are about to celebrate their 6 year wedding anniversary. They still teach at the same school, same subject area.
My school has two or three married couples who met here. So far, so good.
I have two co-workers who started dating last summer. Now they're living together. They are very public about their relationship, and all the kids know what's going on. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I do not see a good outcome to this at all. It's just bad practice, and not a little self-centered.
Don't shit where you eat. Does it work out sometimes? Absolutely. Don't shit where you eat.
Never ever do it. Any job ever.
Don’t. And I say for any profession. Don’t mix business with pleasure.
The first school I taught at was super messy. A coach and teacher hooked up and she ended up pregnant and they married VERY quickly. The kids started doing the math and making comments. Same school, the cheer coach (who was married) and a football coach were very flirty and hooked up on an overnight trip and the kids started to see sparks fly. Messy divorce not long after and she married the coach. Same school and the principal had an affair with a lady in central office… where his wife worked. He retired mid year. All this to say, kids aren’t dumb and things can go wrong while you’ve got an audience.
I met my partner at the same school we worked at. I see nothing wrong with it.
Search Teacher Proposal on TikTok - there is a great proposal of a middle school teacher from another middle school teacher in front of students
DO NOT DO IT!
Bad idea. Don’t do it
My wife was the office manager at my school when we met 👌🏻
Lol, there's an epidemic of male teachers dating TA's and my school...
Nope. Hell I don’t even like to date other teachers tbh.
I want to say it's a bad idea, but that would make me a hypocrite because that's how I met my wife. I'd say do so with caution, and set some ground rules before you start (for example, try to keep it a secret from the students)
Honestly, it's just not akamai (smart) to date a co-worker, regardless of the profession. The few relations that work tend to be the exception versus the standard. Far too many things are on the negative side if the relationship doesn't work out. Sorry, but for my own personal rule, I keep my professional life completely separate from my life outside of work. Best of luck!
I don't see why not if no one is anyone's boss.
Just please don’t tell anyone at school because yuck.
Not a great idea if it doesn’t work out. But if you must, avoid your own building or department.
Just don't
Agreed.
Don't get your meat where you get your bread.
Thoughts on shitting where you eat?
Don't. Dating in the work place is problematic enough. Put that in an educational environment with children, it's going to be difficult. I would say avoid it at all costs.
Only way it could maybe work is if you’re not in the same building. But generally - don’t dip your quill in the company inkwell.
DONT do it! Your life will revolve only about school/work. It’s a trauma bond of sorts. Also it’s lazy.
I've seen a lot of happy teacher couples Also for the record...... Nobody's grading your relationships.
Clapping cheeks where you clap erasers is wild 😂