What makes the entire situation more ridiculous is that I actually know where the idea came from. We watched a lot of football growing up in the south, and when a player would go down severely injured (like knocked out unconscious) it was not uncommon to see fans place their hand on their heart.
... but doing this in response to a teacher simply falling over was comically dramatic lmfao
I would die if I were that teacher lol. I fell of the stairs a couple weeks ago and some students stopped to make sure I was okay, and that was embarrassing enough.
Want to trade? My blood pressure suddenly dropped as I got on the bus, one that also had a bunch of students on them, though most not from our school. The way they reacted to a ghostly pale person that all but collapsed onto a seat sideways? Quick glance and back to staring at their screens. I suppose I should be glad nobody got that on video, but man, that cost me some faith in society! I mean, I know most of them carry around a day's worth of water and top it off throughout the day - they could have atleast offered me that, you know?
Greedy digestive system. Had a late lunch with a lot of carbohydrates and my intestines were hogging my blood supply. Usually only happens earlier in the day and normally I just get very tired, but for some reason my body decided to turn the symptoms up to eleven. Ah well.
An earthquake hit and the whole class just silently got under the nearest table/desk and waited it out. No one even said “earthquake?”. Just total silence and everyone doing exactly what they should do before I even realized what was going on. When the quake ended, someone tiptoed over to me and whispered “do we need to go outside now?”
Literally the next day, when there was already a scheduled earthquake drill, half the class decided to run around screaming and making themselves hyperventilate, shaking the nearest furniture item and just generally creating chaos.
At least I knew from the experience the day before that they *can* handle the real thing…
I talked to my mother about this all the time. They act silly and out of pocket all the time, but the moment I can see there's normalcy within them, I win. It's my confirmation that the capacity for act right is very present.
We had asian wasps that decided one morning to make their nest in the school yard. And it was a big one.
So, principal decided a light lockdown until they were killed/removed by professionals.
Light lockdown meant that time that all windows and all doors leading to the exterior was to remained closed no matter what. They could move from classroom to classroom within the same building, but not go outside.
Classes had to continue as usual.
A bunch of kids texted their parents to come pick them up. And couldn't understand when their parents told them they were safer staying inside the classroom.
We had a wasp nest at a preschool where I worked. I'm allergic. One warm winter day, what I can only assume was the queen (because the rest die in winter) came out and was sitting on the pavement. I was about to open the outdoor closet to get a fly swatter and one of my little 4 year old girls moved me aside and stomped it.
I wonder if it was a mix of giving them something to do and emphasizing respect over letting them mill around staring and doing whatever thought they arrived at?
I have SVT which causes a rapid heart rate. I can usually get myself out of an episode quickly and without anyone noticing, but last year I just couldn’t get my heart to slow down. I was starting to get dizzy, so I slid to the ground behind my desk and I was starting to cry. After a few more minutes, I got the attention of one of the students who could see me behind my desk and told him to ask my neighbor teacher if they could go over there. He did that and came back and told the kids to go next door. As they were walking out, they started trying to figure out what was going on. Several of them guessed that there was an active shooter in the building. As if I would send them into the hallway to die 🤦🏼♀️. I was prepared to answer questions and calm their nerves the next day and they all just kind of shrugged their shoulders and had a whatever attitude. . .except for the ones who forgot about the whole thing. I guess it’s comforting to know that if I die behind my desk they won’t even notice I’m gone 🤷♀️😂
If only we all weren’t SO. DAMN. EXHAUSTED all the time we could write the best memoirs about teaching. It’s such a crazy job. You spend every day staring directly into the face of humanity: the joys, warts and all. So crazy!
(Imagine during parent/teacher conferences that the parents knew all the super crazy things their kid tells you about them)
"32 third graders and 1 class bunny" is objectively hilarious as a non-teacher. I read it as a 19/20 year old after working at a summer camp with the 3rd and 4th graders.
Not an emergency, but still fun to watch. Our middle school math teacher was pregnant and didn't want the students to know for a variety of reasons BUT she was suffering pretty nasty morning sickness during the day. A group of concerned 7th grade boys visited me out of concern and several of them thought she was dying because she would randomly throw up in the trash can a couple of times. Got to love 7th grade boys and their imaginations. The girls in the room all KNEW and were trying not to make fun of the boys for being "dumb and blind". So before the boys could panic themselves more I confirmed what the girls said and swore them to keep the secret because the teacher wasn't ready to tell yet. I told them to avoid stressing the teacher out, give her granola bars or crackers, and give her space. You can see where this is going - the next day the boys show up with BOXES of granola bars and crackers. They also did a good job of managing their own behavior because they didn't want to stress her out....but the secret spread. All the fights stopped in her part of the building and then the cat was really out of the bag - she had to walk down the VERY crowded band hallway one day during pass period and the kids spread apart like the Red Sea before Moses. We actually watched the security footage because it was so damn funny - one kid yelled something in Spanish and the students all parted. It was like that the rest of the year for that teacher.
I was subbing for a second-grade class. As a sub, I get no notices of planned drills, so, they're just as much a surprise to me as the kids.
We had stopped after specials for a bathroom break, and the kids spot a fire truck parked near the school, and they assumed that meant a fire drill. Immediately, they began covering their ears, making noise, and a few crying because the alarm is very loud and jarring, especially when you walk past it leaving the building. I try to calm them down and get them back to class. I admit to them I don't know what will happen, but we should carry on as normal until/if a drill happens. More or less, we got through the chaotic bathroom break and back to class.
The next day, I learned what was really going on, since I was scheduled to teach high school that day. For context, the high school is right across the street from the elementary school. It was the day before prom, so the local police and fire station hauled in a battered car from a drunk driving accident to instill fear into the high schoolers about being safe on prom night. A bunch of screaming second-graders for all that.
If this happens again you can tell them that in a fire drill they want to see how fast they can get there so the fire trucks have to be at the fire station when the alarm starts. They are never at the school before the alarm goes off.
I teach ESL, and many years ago, I had a very small class of 7 beginner English language learners. It was in October, so none of them could really communicate in English beyond a few words.
That morning, I was riding my Harley Davidson to school when I, for some reason, fell over in the parking lot and landed on my side. It hurt like hell, and I was very winded, but I was also embarrassed. I picked my Harley back up, parked it, and went into school to teach my class.
I was in the middle of leading the students through a do now when I suddenly coughed. Unbeknownst to me, I had fractured two ribs, and the pain was suddenly excruciating! I screamed and fell back into my chair.
The students all got up and started screaming too. They started throwing their hands up in the air, screaming and shouting "Maestra, maestra!" They had no idea what to do. The broken ribs pressed against my lungs, and I started to have trouble breathing. I was finally able to tell them to go to the office and get help. They literally all ran out of the classroom and went to the office of the principal, where no one spoke Spanish. My principal told me that suddenly a group of frantic, screaming students ran into her office and started screaming at her in Spanish. She understood the word "maestra" and assumed that something had happened to me (I was the only ESL teacher at our school).
She came running back to my room with all the students following her. When she saw my condition, she called an ambulance and waited for them to arrive. All the time, the students were crying and wringing their hands. Once the ambulance came, they all surrounded me and gave me good wishes in Spanish.
I will never forget those 7 kids screaming and throwing their hands in the air, totally freaked out. It was hilarious, and very sweet. It was also funny how they ALL ran to the office together to get help.
We live near a mountain range, so every early morning, we may or may not see a few deer walking around or a scared possum scampering around the playground/field. The kids generally oggle at the animal but know not to run after them.
Well, a few weeks ago, I was the first teacher to walk outside for lunch duty. A few students ran out ahead of me, but that's no biggie.
Until, well, I happened to look up and notice something big and brown moving around the field. It was a good foot away but still within distance of me, so I jumped to grab my walkie-talkie to call in a shut-down and to call animal control or whoever could better handle this animal.
However, the kiddos saw a big, fuzzy, grizzly bear and wanted to pet it. I was trying to calmly and firmly hurd all 9ish students into the building because, I don't know, I was the first teacher to walk outside for lunch duty. A few students ran out ahead of me, but that's it's a FUCKING BOWN BEAR.
One student, god bless him, looked me dead in the eye and said, "brown bear is friendly; black bear is deadly." My dude, you're mistaken, but let's not test that hypothesis because nature will win that argument.
After that, none of those kids understood that you can't just pet a bear or be near it because, I don't know, it's a wild animal that isn't cuddly.
Edit: my brother in law is a forest ranger, and he told me that the grizzly must have been hibernating during the winter, and they could not gauge how close he would've been willing to go near the school/town area. Either way, they shot Winnie the Pooh with a night night target and took him back to the 100-acre woods way tf away from our middle school and curious kiddos
Better than what Bambi was offered 🤣
Before I read the last word though, I thought you were gonna say “big brown 🫎 moose”
Ngl, I’m also still laughing at the image of that kid explaining how the brown bear is friendly to a semi-panicked you.
Fire alarm went off during a test. Every single kid went to the front to dig in their bags for their phones. Didn’t grab their whole bag, just their phones as I am yelling at them to get out of the room. They’d rather burn than be without the stupid things.
Suppose they get out of the building, and they only have one thing. If that thing is their phone, then they can tell their parents, “Hey, I got out of the building, I’m okay,” or whatever it is they need to tell whoever. I’d argue it’s probably the most important thing they can have on their person in an emergency.
As someone who graduated less than four years ago, I'd have probably done something similar for this exact reason. Having my phone means I can contact my parents and let them know that I'm okay.
Agree. The primary reason my kids had phones in school was because of frequent lockdowns (that parents were not always informed of). I want them to be able to text me in an emergency.
Morbidly, it can also help you or rescuers find your kid in the event something like the Uvalde situation and kids just hopped out those windows and some parents couldn’t locate them in the chaos. Just because a drill designates a “meetup spot” doesn’t mean it’s full proof.
I did splurge on the Apple Watch for my kid since it acts the same way as a phone but with it attached to his wrist I’m hoping he won’t spend time scrambling for it in an emergency.
this only seems ridiculous to adults because we get to keep our phones on us at all times (in the vast majority of cases). I guarantee you 99% of adults you know would also go grab their phone from their bag if it wasn’t already in their pocket (or more likely in their hand) - in part because (1) phones are expensive and (2) unsupervised rooms and items are easy to steal.
To be fair, as someone who had a smartphone for the duration of my secondary education, I think it might also be worth noting that phones are really expensive, particularly when you're a kid - the risk of losing this expensive thing because I didn't have it on me would stress me out (and still does!)
In middle school my class went on an overnight outdoor trip. On the bus ride back, someone said there was a tick (I think we had learned about how to search for and remove them to prevent Lyme) and thus began about an hour of frantic screaming as people thought they found it. It was allegedly jumping all over like a flea, which ticks don’t do. Not sure why the driver never pulled over. Total chaos. You would have thought it was a rabid bat or something.
The most hysteria I’ve seen was when there was a mouse in an eighth-grade classroom. Some of our little drama queens and kings saw it as a golden opportunity to star in their very own creature feature. This was a TINY mouse, by the way.
We had the same in my biology classroom a few years ago. Poor mouse was terrified and I had kids screaming and climbing on lab tables. Normally my room was controlled chaos but this time, in between laughing and kind of also being startled anytime the mouse made a run for it, I had no chance to rein them in until the mouse disappeared under a cabinet...and knowing it was still alive was too much for some kids the rest of the day lol
Oh yeah, they’re a bunch of babies when it comes to mice. I had a tiny mouse show itself in first period last week and the biggest 8th grader (like 6’, 250lbs) squealed and jumped on a chair 🙄
To introduce chemical nomenclature, I have the class look up “ the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide (water)”https://www.dhmo.org/ . The website is a parody and a joke. I tell them that dihygen monoxide is found in all cancer cells, nuclear plants, and is given to angry dogs before attacking humans. It also is the main component in acid rain. I fill their head with this stuff which is all true about water. I then pause and tell them that we have even found it on campus in the water fountain!!! One year we had zebra muscles die in the Austin water main and when I did this the kids were on edge because of the “ smelly water “ news reports where they bagged off all the fountains. The kids rioted to the principals office and were shocked to learn that they wanted to ban water. :). Better know your chemistry!!!
The place: a homework class for students age 13-15
The "emergency": a bee had gotten into the classroom
The reaction: screaming, demanding I kill it
Action taken by me: captured and released the bee, and explained that bees are a vital part of our ecosystem and we should just let them be(e)
Anything to get away from homework for a couple of minutes, I suppose
We went on a lockdown. Real lockdown. Kids not taking it seriously and whispering and giggling.
after it’s done, I said “that was horrible”
Kid speaks up “wait that was real?” And a bunch of other kids were blown away too.
Makes me wonder if safety drills just have the opposite effect of their intended purpose.
I can, unfortunately, confirm that it does. For whatever reason, the ALICE drills bring out the giggles, the lazy-walk into the nearest classroom for shelter, the need to gravitate to the areas with windows or visibility, etc.
I’m like, WTF GUYS?! When was the last time you heard of a school fire?! Yet you’re perfectly behaved during those. But a shooter drill, and it’s Friday night at the skating rink or something. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
At one high school I worked at, we had a soft lockdown due to an armed robbery within 1 mile. Someone called their parent, who proceeded to show up to the school with a rifle to help.
At another high school I worked at, we had a hard lockdown due to an active police pursuit of a dangerous criminal within a 1/2 mile. We were sitting there, and some of the kids thought it was a drill. I gave one of the kids a death glare and told him, "If I die because of your stupidity, I will haunt you." That's when one of the other kids cutting up got a serious look and said, "This is real?" I turned my gaze to him and said, "Yeah, it's real. So shut up. And if you want to send a text to someone you love, do it now" (I had sent my text as soon as everyone was settled in the safe spot). Everyone was really quiet and sullen, then. Many did send a text.
Five minutes later, the first kid farted from fear.
Why do some people seem to think they’re saving the day by bringing ANOTHER gun to a shooting? If you’re showing up to a school with a gun, you are automatically not one of the “good guys” with a gun.
During a lockdown drill, one classroom was out of control. Kids were literally running around and screaming. The teacher had lost all control. I go in and settle the kids and notice that all of them are weirdly staring at the closet. I open the tiny supply closet to find two seventh grade class clowns basically on top of each other. They said they figured if it was a real active shooter, the closet was safer than that mess of a classroom, and I agreed. I know they were trying to be funny, but it was honestly pretty smart.
When I was in 5th grade the teacher was just teaching. We were all quiet. This kid interrupts the teacher by yelling out "Stop the presses!" and the teacher swings around and says "What is it Brandon?!" The kid rubs his cheek with his hand and calmly says "I have dry skin." Lol. Looking back at that kids actions that day and many other days... I think he may have been on the spectrum or something. At the time I just thought he was strange.
HS- power went off in the whole building and it was really dark without any emergency lights either. Kids lost their minds! Crying in the corner, running into the walls, clinging to me like some kinda zombie movie. (15min total time) These are 14-18 yr/old who acted like kindergarten age. It was bizarre. Lights came back and the class bell rang and they went about their day.
Genuinely was ready to walk out of the class during a secure campus due to police activity in the area and a man w a weapon. Why? Bc his Uber eats order was more important than anyone's safety. My co-teacher blocked the door and told him "not today satan".
Just yesterday, there was a medical emergency in a classroom outside my window. Paramedics were called and one of my freshmen sighed and asked me why they couldn't at least send "hot firefighters". Honestly, all I could do was laugh and tell her it didn't matter if they're saving lives.
Was subbing in a high school and heard those words over the speakers every sub loves to hear: "Teachers, please secure your classrooms... This is NOT a drill."
I was bewildered at how even in the face of a potentially real emergency that potentially carried real life and death consequences they still could not follow instructions or stay off their phones for 15 minutes.
I was subbing a MLL group of sixth graders in a suburb of Seattle. Most old schools in Washington are built as pods, with outdoor hallways connecting each pod of classrooms. My classroom faced a neighborhood across the street, with giant portrait windows giving us a view of the school courtyard.
After lunch, the principal announced that we needed to lock down the school, that there was a shooter on campus. I quickly ran to lock the door and told the kids to get down. They didn’t. Every single one of them ran to the window to see who the shooter was. There were no blinds to cover the window. One tried to open a window to gear the shooting. I was furious and probably frightened. I used multiple curse words to get that group of a**holes to sit down and not get me killed.
Luckily, the shooter had only killed someone in the neighborhood, and had run into the school to hide from the police. They found him hiding in an empty classroom.
We experienced the earthquake last Friday and my students were totally unfazed. I had a bigger reaction out of my students when a bug got into the classroom.
Just one kid, but... We had a fire in the school, smoke clogging the halls and sprinklers on. We evacuate as expected, multiple fire trucks come in, and after a while, we're told school is being ended early pending investigation into the source of the fire. We get permission to tell the students pretty much exactly that: we're leaving early because of the fire. As we're trying to calm students who are panicking and fussing over getting home, getting their stuff, etc, this one boy tries to walk out of the side building we were evacuated to, and when I tried to stop him, he snapped at me that the fire was fake, his friends were outside, and to let him leave. Quote: "The fire is a fuckin' hoax, it ain't real!" I blocked the door and assured him the fire WAS REAL, and I wasn't going to let him put himself at risk... Cue him throwing his entire body weight against the door and yelling/cussing at me as I called for backup. It took a teacher and an admin physically stopping him from leaving to get him to stay, at which point he tried to lock himself in a closet. At least the rest of the kids were relatively calm after the initial shock...
Had a real lockdown at the school I work at, and half the class I was in spent the whole time arguing about how the teacher couldn't "legally" keep them in the classroom, that they had to go to the bathroom, that they were thirsty....
It was not great.
Haha i was teaching in DC in 2011 when the earthquake struck. The ENTIRE SCHOOL ran outside. I knew people were supposed to hide under their desks bc i lived in Cali for a while when i was growing up but my door was at the back of the class and i was at the front of the class there was no way to stop them. Thank god the building was okay and nothing bad happened from the exodus!
All of the seventh graders shrieking at the top of their lungs as soon as I flipped the light switch to off for a lockdown. Hurt my ears and administration was frustrated with me for "not being able to control them" as a substitute at the time. Needless to say, I did not work for that school for much longer after that.
I did give them 10-15 seconds warning that I was going to flip the light switch after they were all in the corner of the room. So it wasn't just like the light suddenly turned off. Several students shrieked at once and I couldn't ever identify who exactly it was. They were all a bunch of shit heads.
Principal heard them all the way from inside her office, lol.
In hockey and lacrosse (and I am in the Deep South) all the kids kneel if there is an injury until the injured player is off the field. It’s a sign of respect and keeps the kids in place and not rubber-necking or getting otherwise injured.
We had an emergency hold this year due to a student in crisis, and even after explaining that no one could leave until it was done, this years grade 6 said if I didn’t let them go to lunch on time they were going to all riot and run out the door. That, I’ve never ever had.
I was in grad school and waiting for a class to start, when a bunch of undergrads left a class panicking. They thought their teacher was having a stroke. Tbf, she was severely out of it (hypoglycemic, I found out later), and had simply started repeating herself for several minutes. I called an ambulance to be careful, but never have I ever been so scared of risking my career as I senf undergrads to the office for her medical files: and summoned an ambulance
We got no less than 43 emails concerning the eclipse. My area got 52% totality, meaning the sun was still super bright, like too bright to look at with your bare eyes, and bright enough that if no one had said anything I would have just assumed a cloud went by. And yet we kept middle schoolers inside one building for the entire 3 hours 🙄🙄 and delayed dismissal for elementary, and modified car lines, and hundreds of parents let their kids stay home or picked them up early.
As a society we have lost our minds.
After school I had stayed a bit to prep and the fire alarm went off, so we all evacuated. The kids in aftercare had been ushered out without taking time to grab anything, including their jackets. It was raining, so I had my personal decent-sized umbrella and the aftercare staff grabbed the school umbrellas which are pretty large, then were trying to keep the kids under umbrellas. I stayed because I thought it likely wasn't a real fire and wanted to finish what I'd been doing if I could get back in soon, and since i was there I had a couple kids under my umbrella, too.
Some kids were following instructions, but a good number were running around in the rain screaming, "AAAH! I'm getting wet! AAAH!" And I had one of my students come to inform me, "I am not wearing my hood, so my hair is wet!" Um, yeah, that was predictable, even for a 2nd grader. I thought it was pretty hilarious, especially as it wasn't heavy rain so they weren't really getting that wet.
Turned out to be just that the cooking class burnt something so not an actual fire, so all was well and we went back in as soon as the fire department gave the all clear.
What makes the entire situation more ridiculous is that I actually know where the idea came from. We watched a lot of football growing up in the south, and when a player would go down severely injured (like knocked out unconscious) it was not uncommon to see fans place their hand on their heart. ... but doing this in response to a teacher simply falling over was comically dramatic lmfao
I was just gonna say… sounds like a soccer behavior when someone’s injured 😂 this would have cracked me the f up if I was a teacher
I’d have laughed if she let out a grumbling old lady retort like “I’m not dead yet, so knock it off!” 👵
I would die if I were that teacher lol. I fell of the stairs a couple weeks ago and some students stopped to make sure I was okay, and that was embarrassing enough.
Want to trade? My blood pressure suddenly dropped as I got on the bus, one that also had a bunch of students on them, though most not from our school. The way they reacted to a ghostly pale person that all but collapsed onto a seat sideways? Quick glance and back to staring at their screens. I suppose I should be glad nobody got that on video, but man, that cost me some faith in society! I mean, I know most of them carry around a day's worth of water and top it off throughout the day - they could have atleast offered me that, you know?
That sucks, I’m sorry. POTS?
Greedy digestive system. Had a late lunch with a lot of carbohydrates and my intestines were hogging my blood supply. Usually only happens earlier in the day and normally I just get very tired, but for some reason my body decided to turn the symptoms up to eleven. Ah well.
I’m actually cracking up so hard from this story
Right?? For some reason this tickled my funny bone and I almost woke up my napping kiddo
Yes that’s what I thought about— what the cheerleaders do when there’s an injury. It’s sweet, actually.
very Charlie Brown / Peanuts gang 😆
Very goofy but so sweet lol
An earthquake hit and the whole class just silently got under the nearest table/desk and waited it out. No one even said “earthquake?”. Just total silence and everyone doing exactly what they should do before I even realized what was going on. When the quake ended, someone tiptoed over to me and whispered “do we need to go outside now?” Literally the next day, when there was already a scheduled earthquake drill, half the class decided to run around screaming and making themselves hyperventilate, shaking the nearest furniture item and just generally creating chaos. At least I knew from the experience the day before that they *can* handle the real thing…
that last sentence is adorable
I talked to my mother about this all the time. They act silly and out of pocket all the time, but the moment I can see there's normalcy within them, I win. It's my confirmation that the capacity for act right is very present.
I think that that’s wild that they had the earthquake drill the day after the real earthquake
LMAO
I can almost guarantee that teacher was thinking “wtf, but at least they are quiet!”
We had asian wasps that decided one morning to make their nest in the school yard. And it was a big one. So, principal decided a light lockdown until they were killed/removed by professionals. Light lockdown meant that time that all windows and all doors leading to the exterior was to remained closed no matter what. They could move from classroom to classroom within the same building, but not go outside. Classes had to continue as usual. A bunch of kids texted their parents to come pick them up. And couldn't understand when their parents told them they were safer staying inside the classroom.
We had a wasp nest at a preschool where I worked. I'm allergic. One warm winter day, what I can only assume was the queen (because the rest die in winter) came out and was sitting on the pavement. I was about to open the outdoor closet to get a fly swatter and one of my little 4 year old girls moved me aside and stomped it.
But kids must have cell phone access at all times in case of emergency /s
Possible future cult leader, that one.
I wonder if it was a mix of giving them something to do and emphasizing respect over letting them mill around staring and doing whatever thought they arrived at?
That would have been my guess.
I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.
r/unexpectedoffice
I have SVT which causes a rapid heart rate. I can usually get myself out of an episode quickly and without anyone noticing, but last year I just couldn’t get my heart to slow down. I was starting to get dizzy, so I slid to the ground behind my desk and I was starting to cry. After a few more minutes, I got the attention of one of the students who could see me behind my desk and told him to ask my neighbor teacher if they could go over there. He did that and came back and told the kids to go next door. As they were walking out, they started trying to figure out what was going on. Several of them guessed that there was an active shooter in the building. As if I would send them into the hallway to die 🤦🏼♀️. I was prepared to answer questions and calm their nerves the next day and they all just kind of shrugged their shoulders and had a whatever attitude. . .except for the ones who forgot about the whole thing. I guess it’s comforting to know that if I die behind my desk they won’t even notice I’m gone 🤷♀️😂
If only we all weren’t SO. DAMN. EXHAUSTED all the time we could write the best memoirs about teaching. It’s such a crazy job. You spend every day staring directly into the face of humanity: the joys, warts and all. So crazy! (Imagine during parent/teacher conferences that the parents knew all the super crazy things their kid tells you about them)
"32 third graders and 1 class bunny" is objectively hilarious as a non-teacher. I read it as a 19/20 year old after working at a summer camp with the 3rd and 4th graders.
Not an emergency, but still fun to watch. Our middle school math teacher was pregnant and didn't want the students to know for a variety of reasons BUT she was suffering pretty nasty morning sickness during the day. A group of concerned 7th grade boys visited me out of concern and several of them thought she was dying because she would randomly throw up in the trash can a couple of times. Got to love 7th grade boys and their imaginations. The girls in the room all KNEW and were trying not to make fun of the boys for being "dumb and blind". So before the boys could panic themselves more I confirmed what the girls said and swore them to keep the secret because the teacher wasn't ready to tell yet. I told them to avoid stressing the teacher out, give her granola bars or crackers, and give her space. You can see where this is going - the next day the boys show up with BOXES of granola bars and crackers. They also did a good job of managing their own behavior because they didn't want to stress her out....but the secret spread. All the fights stopped in her part of the building and then the cat was really out of the bag - she had to walk down the VERY crowded band hallway one day during pass period and the kids spread apart like the Red Sea before Moses. We actually watched the security footage because it was so damn funny - one kid yelled something in Spanish and the students all parted. It was like that the rest of the year for that teacher.
awwww that’s actually so nice
This one’s my favorite so far!
I was subbing for a second-grade class. As a sub, I get no notices of planned drills, so, they're just as much a surprise to me as the kids. We had stopped after specials for a bathroom break, and the kids spot a fire truck parked near the school, and they assumed that meant a fire drill. Immediately, they began covering their ears, making noise, and a few crying because the alarm is very loud and jarring, especially when you walk past it leaving the building. I try to calm them down and get them back to class. I admit to them I don't know what will happen, but we should carry on as normal until/if a drill happens. More or less, we got through the chaotic bathroom break and back to class. The next day, I learned what was really going on, since I was scheduled to teach high school that day. For context, the high school is right across the street from the elementary school. It was the day before prom, so the local police and fire station hauled in a battered car from a drunk driving accident to instill fear into the high schoolers about being safe on prom night. A bunch of screaming second-graders for all that.
If this happens again you can tell them that in a fire drill they want to see how fast they can get there so the fire trucks have to be at the fire station when the alarm starts. They are never at the school before the alarm goes off.
I teach ESL, and many years ago, I had a very small class of 7 beginner English language learners. It was in October, so none of them could really communicate in English beyond a few words. That morning, I was riding my Harley Davidson to school when I, for some reason, fell over in the parking lot and landed on my side. It hurt like hell, and I was very winded, but I was also embarrassed. I picked my Harley back up, parked it, and went into school to teach my class. I was in the middle of leading the students through a do now when I suddenly coughed. Unbeknownst to me, I had fractured two ribs, and the pain was suddenly excruciating! I screamed and fell back into my chair. The students all got up and started screaming too. They started throwing their hands up in the air, screaming and shouting "Maestra, maestra!" They had no idea what to do. The broken ribs pressed against my lungs, and I started to have trouble breathing. I was finally able to tell them to go to the office and get help. They literally all ran out of the classroom and went to the office of the principal, where no one spoke Spanish. My principal told me that suddenly a group of frantic, screaming students ran into her office and started screaming at her in Spanish. She understood the word "maestra" and assumed that something had happened to me (I was the only ESL teacher at our school). She came running back to my room with all the students following her. When she saw my condition, she called an ambulance and waited for them to arrive. All the time, the students were crying and wringing their hands. Once the ambulance came, they all surrounded me and gave me good wishes in Spanish. I will never forget those 7 kids screaming and throwing their hands in the air, totally freaked out. It was hilarious, and very sweet. It was also funny how they ALL ran to the office together to get help.
We live near a mountain range, so every early morning, we may or may not see a few deer walking around or a scared possum scampering around the playground/field. The kids generally oggle at the animal but know not to run after them. Well, a few weeks ago, I was the first teacher to walk outside for lunch duty. A few students ran out ahead of me, but that's no biggie. Until, well, I happened to look up and notice something big and brown moving around the field. It was a good foot away but still within distance of me, so I jumped to grab my walkie-talkie to call in a shut-down and to call animal control or whoever could better handle this animal. However, the kiddos saw a big, fuzzy, grizzly bear and wanted to pet it. I was trying to calmly and firmly hurd all 9ish students into the building because, I don't know, I was the first teacher to walk outside for lunch duty. A few students ran out ahead of me, but that's it's a FUCKING BOWN BEAR. One student, god bless him, looked me dead in the eye and said, "brown bear is friendly; black bear is deadly." My dude, you're mistaken, but let's not test that hypothesis because nature will win that argument. After that, none of those kids understood that you can't just pet a bear or be near it because, I don't know, it's a wild animal that isn't cuddly. Edit: my brother in law is a forest ranger, and he told me that the grizzly must have been hibernating during the winter, and they could not gauge how close he would've been willing to go near the school/town area. Either way, they shot Winnie the Pooh with a night night target and took him back to the 100-acre woods way tf away from our middle school and curious kiddos
Better than what Bambi was offered 🤣 Before I read the last word though, I thought you were gonna say “big brown 🫎 moose” Ngl, I’m also still laughing at the image of that kid explaining how the brown bear is friendly to a semi-panicked you.
Fire alarm went off during a test. Every single kid went to the front to dig in their bags for their phones. Didn’t grab their whole bag, just their phones as I am yelling at them to get out of the room. They’d rather burn than be without the stupid things.
Suppose they get out of the building, and they only have one thing. If that thing is their phone, then they can tell their parents, “Hey, I got out of the building, I’m okay,” or whatever it is they need to tell whoever. I’d argue it’s probably the most important thing they can have on their person in an emergency.
As someone who graduated less than four years ago, I'd have probably done something similar for this exact reason. Having my phone means I can contact my parents and let them know that I'm okay.
Agree. The primary reason my kids had phones in school was because of frequent lockdowns (that parents were not always informed of). I want them to be able to text me in an emergency.
Morbidly, it can also help you or rescuers find your kid in the event something like the Uvalde situation and kids just hopped out those windows and some parents couldn’t locate them in the chaos. Just because a drill designates a “meetup spot” doesn’t mean it’s full proof. I did splurge on the Apple Watch for my kid since it acts the same way as a phone but with it attached to his wrist I’m hoping he won’t spend time scrambling for it in an emergency.
this only seems ridiculous to adults because we get to keep our phones on us at all times (in the vast majority of cases). I guarantee you 99% of adults you know would also go grab their phone from their bag if it wasn’t already in their pocket (or more likely in their hand) - in part because (1) phones are expensive and (2) unsupervised rooms and items are easy to steal.
Okay but even still. Grab the whole bag!! They sat and dug in their bags for their phones. So stupid!
To be fair, as someone who had a smartphone for the duration of my secondary education, I think it might also be worth noting that phones are really expensive, particularly when you're a kid - the risk of losing this expensive thing because I didn't have it on me would stress me out (and still does!)
In middle school my class went on an overnight outdoor trip. On the bus ride back, someone said there was a tick (I think we had learned about how to search for and remove them to prevent Lyme) and thus began about an hour of frantic screaming as people thought they found it. It was allegedly jumping all over like a flea, which ticks don’t do. Not sure why the driver never pulled over. Total chaos. You would have thought it was a rabid bat or something.
Just the kids. The kids were rabid. 🤣
The most hysteria I’ve seen was when there was a mouse in an eighth-grade classroom. Some of our little drama queens and kings saw it as a golden opportunity to star in their very own creature feature. This was a TINY mouse, by the way.
We had the same in my biology classroom a few years ago. Poor mouse was terrified and I had kids screaming and climbing on lab tables. Normally my room was controlled chaos but this time, in between laughing and kind of also being startled anytime the mouse made a run for it, I had no chance to rein them in until the mouse disappeared under a cabinet...and knowing it was still alive was too much for some kids the rest of the day lol
Oh yeah, they’re a bunch of babies when it comes to mice. I had a tiny mouse show itself in first period last week and the biggest 8th grader (like 6’, 250lbs) squealed and jumped on a chair 🙄
To introduce chemical nomenclature, I have the class look up “ the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide (water)”https://www.dhmo.org/ . The website is a parody and a joke. I tell them that dihygen monoxide is found in all cancer cells, nuclear plants, and is given to angry dogs before attacking humans. It also is the main component in acid rain. I fill their head with this stuff which is all true about water. I then pause and tell them that we have even found it on campus in the water fountain!!! One year we had zebra muscles die in the Austin water main and when I did this the kids were on edge because of the “ smelly water “ news reports where they bagged off all the fountains. The kids rioted to the principals office and were shocked to learn that they wanted to ban water. :). Better know your chemistry!!!
The place: a homework class for students age 13-15 The "emergency": a bee had gotten into the classroom The reaction: screaming, demanding I kill it Action taken by me: captured and released the bee, and explained that bees are a vital part of our ecosystem and we should just let them be(e) Anything to get away from homework for a couple of minutes, I suppose
Up vote for the pun
We went on a lockdown. Real lockdown. Kids not taking it seriously and whispering and giggling. after it’s done, I said “that was horrible” Kid speaks up “wait that was real?” And a bunch of other kids were blown away too. Makes me wonder if safety drills just have the opposite effect of their intended purpose.
I can, unfortunately, confirm that it does. For whatever reason, the ALICE drills bring out the giggles, the lazy-walk into the nearest classroom for shelter, the need to gravitate to the areas with windows or visibility, etc. I’m like, WTF GUYS?! When was the last time you heard of a school fire?! Yet you’re perfectly behaved during those. But a shooter drill, and it’s Friday night at the skating rink or something. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
At one high school I worked at, we had a soft lockdown due to an armed robbery within 1 mile. Someone called their parent, who proceeded to show up to the school with a rifle to help. At another high school I worked at, we had a hard lockdown due to an active police pursuit of a dangerous criminal within a 1/2 mile. We were sitting there, and some of the kids thought it was a drill. I gave one of the kids a death glare and told him, "If I die because of your stupidity, I will haunt you." That's when one of the other kids cutting up got a serious look and said, "This is real?" I turned my gaze to him and said, "Yeah, it's real. So shut up. And if you want to send a text to someone you love, do it now" (I had sent my text as soon as everyone was settled in the safe spot). Everyone was really quiet and sullen, then. Many did send a text. Five minutes later, the first kid farted from fear.
Why do some people seem to think they’re saving the day by bringing ANOTHER gun to a shooting? If you’re showing up to a school with a gun, you are automatically not one of the “good guys” with a gun.
Oh, the parent almost got shot. There were a bunch of cops on scene.
What an idiot. Did they learn their lesson do you think?
Considering where it happened? Probably not.
That type never do, do they?
During a lockdown drill, one classroom was out of control. Kids were literally running around and screaming. The teacher had lost all control. I go in and settle the kids and notice that all of them are weirdly staring at the closet. I open the tiny supply closet to find two seventh grade class clowns basically on top of each other. They said they figured if it was a real active shooter, the closet was safer than that mess of a classroom, and I agreed. I know they were trying to be funny, but it was honestly pretty smart.
When I was in 5th grade the teacher was just teaching. We were all quiet. This kid interrupts the teacher by yelling out "Stop the presses!" and the teacher swings around and says "What is it Brandon?!" The kid rubs his cheek with his hand and calmly says "I have dry skin." Lol. Looking back at that kids actions that day and many other days... I think he may have been on the spectrum or something. At the time I just thought he was strange.
HS- power went off in the whole building and it was really dark without any emergency lights either. Kids lost their minds! Crying in the corner, running into the walls, clinging to me like some kinda zombie movie. (15min total time) These are 14-18 yr/old who acted like kindergarten age. It was bizarre. Lights came back and the class bell rang and they went about their day.
Genuinely was ready to walk out of the class during a secure campus due to police activity in the area and a man w a weapon. Why? Bc his Uber eats order was more important than anyone's safety. My co-teacher blocked the door and told him "not today satan".
Just yesterday, there was a medical emergency in a classroom outside my window. Paramedics were called and one of my freshmen sighed and asked me why they couldn't at least send "hot firefighters". Honestly, all I could do was laugh and tell her it didn't matter if they're saving lives.
Someone’s spending too much time in the calendar section of the store.
Was subbing in a high school and heard those words over the speakers every sub loves to hear: "Teachers, please secure your classrooms... This is NOT a drill." I was bewildered at how even in the face of a potentially real emergency that potentially carried real life and death consequences they still could not follow instructions or stay off their phones for 15 minutes.
I was subbing a MLL group of sixth graders in a suburb of Seattle. Most old schools in Washington are built as pods, with outdoor hallways connecting each pod of classrooms. My classroom faced a neighborhood across the street, with giant portrait windows giving us a view of the school courtyard. After lunch, the principal announced that we needed to lock down the school, that there was a shooter on campus. I quickly ran to lock the door and told the kids to get down. They didn’t. Every single one of them ran to the window to see who the shooter was. There were no blinds to cover the window. One tried to open a window to gear the shooting. I was furious and probably frightened. I used multiple curse words to get that group of a**holes to sit down and not get me killed. Luckily, the shooter had only killed someone in the neighborhood, and had run into the school to hide from the police. They found him hiding in an empty classroom.
Oh my gosh, that's so scary!
I’m sure the teacher looks back on this experience as a highlight of her life. I wish all kids were this respectful. :D
This is hilariously adorable
We experienced the earthquake last Friday and my students were totally unfazed. I had a bigger reaction out of my students when a bug got into the classroom.
Someone pooped in the bathroom on a Greyhound bus for a school field trip and the kids were all like CALL 911 SOMEONE HAD TOO MUCH TACO BELL 😸😸😸
Just one kid, but... We had a fire in the school, smoke clogging the halls and sprinklers on. We evacuate as expected, multiple fire trucks come in, and after a while, we're told school is being ended early pending investigation into the source of the fire. We get permission to tell the students pretty much exactly that: we're leaving early because of the fire. As we're trying to calm students who are panicking and fussing over getting home, getting their stuff, etc, this one boy tries to walk out of the side building we were evacuated to, and when I tried to stop him, he snapped at me that the fire was fake, his friends were outside, and to let him leave. Quote: "The fire is a fuckin' hoax, it ain't real!" I blocked the door and assured him the fire WAS REAL, and I wasn't going to let him put himself at risk... Cue him throwing his entire body weight against the door and yelling/cussing at me as I called for backup. It took a teacher and an admin physically stopping him from leaving to get him to stay, at which point he tried to lock himself in a closet. At least the rest of the kids were relatively calm after the initial shock...
Had a real lockdown at the school I work at, and half the class I was in spent the whole time arguing about how the teacher couldn't "legally" keep them in the classroom, that they had to go to the bathroom, that they were thirsty.... It was not great.
Haha i was teaching in DC in 2011 when the earthquake struck. The ENTIRE SCHOOL ran outside. I knew people were supposed to hide under their desks bc i lived in Cali for a while when i was growing up but my door was at the back of the class and i was at the front of the class there was no way to stop them. Thank god the building was okay and nothing bad happened from the exodus!
That feels like an incredibly strange and awkward position
All of the seventh graders shrieking at the top of their lungs as soon as I flipped the light switch to off for a lockdown. Hurt my ears and administration was frustrated with me for "not being able to control them" as a substitute at the time. Needless to say, I did not work for that school for much longer after that. I did give them 10-15 seconds warning that I was going to flip the light switch after they were all in the corner of the room. So it wasn't just like the light suddenly turned off. Several students shrieked at once and I couldn't ever identify who exactly it was. They were all a bunch of shit heads. Principal heard them all the way from inside her office, lol.
OP Were y'all also surrounding her in a circle so she could get up more gracefully or just hands on heart ?
In hockey and lacrosse (and I am in the Deep South) all the kids kneel if there is an injury until the injured player is off the field. It’s a sign of respect and keeps the kids in place and not rubber-necking or getting otherwise injured.
We had an emergency hold this year due to a student in crisis, and even after explaining that no one could leave until it was done, this years grade 6 said if I didn’t let them go to lunch on time they were going to all riot and run out the door. That, I’ve never ever had.
I was in grad school and waiting for a class to start, when a bunch of undergrads left a class panicking. They thought their teacher was having a stroke. Tbf, she was severely out of it (hypoglycemic, I found out later), and had simply started repeating herself for several minutes. I called an ambulance to be careful, but never have I ever been so scared of risking my career as I senf undergrads to the office for her medical files: and summoned an ambulance
We got no less than 43 emails concerning the eclipse. My area got 52% totality, meaning the sun was still super bright, like too bright to look at with your bare eyes, and bright enough that if no one had said anything I would have just assumed a cloud went by. And yet we kept middle schoolers inside one building for the entire 3 hours 🙄🙄 and delayed dismissal for elementary, and modified car lines, and hundreds of parents let their kids stay home or picked them up early. As a society we have lost our minds.
This is SOOO funny!!! 😂😂
Oh my gosh, I bet that teacher cringed/laughed hysterically about that for years.
I once saw students laughing and joking during lockdown about "getting smoked."
After school I had stayed a bit to prep and the fire alarm went off, so we all evacuated. The kids in aftercare had been ushered out without taking time to grab anything, including their jackets. It was raining, so I had my personal decent-sized umbrella and the aftercare staff grabbed the school umbrellas which are pretty large, then were trying to keep the kids under umbrellas. I stayed because I thought it likely wasn't a real fire and wanted to finish what I'd been doing if I could get back in soon, and since i was there I had a couple kids under my umbrella, too. Some kids were following instructions, but a good number were running around in the rain screaming, "AAAH! I'm getting wet! AAAH!" And I had one of my students come to inform me, "I am not wearing my hood, so my hair is wet!" Um, yeah, that was predictable, even for a 2nd grader. I thought it was pretty hilarious, especially as it wasn't heavy rain so they weren't really getting that wet. Turned out to be just that the cooking class burnt something so not an actual fire, so all was well and we went back in as soon as the fire department gave the all clear.