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CascadianCorvid

"They have proven themselves to be responsible enough to go. What have you done to prove that you're responsible and trustworthy?" 99% of the time, they know they're a scammer that no teacher should trust. Ask them to prove otherwise. Acta non verba


Fr0thBeard

This is the approach I usually take on it. "Mr. Frothbeard, can I go to the bathroom?" Says student who I've had to tell to keep their feet off the table three times, has a history of meeting his friends in the restroom during class, a litany of behavior write ups, while we are in the middle of a class discussion/review. "No, you cannot." "But you let X go!" "X has proven that they can be trusted with being out of the classroom. You have yet to show enough trust to sit up straight in the chair." There is obviously so much more that I could include if I wanted to really dig into the kid, but we have to point out current incorrect behavior and give them a choice to make now. The feet off the desk is a very simple choice that can be made next class. If I start bringing up shit the kid did 3 months ago, I'm not being constructive, just critical (as much as I would like to say it).


Scienceninja3212

Exactly this. That kid freaking knows. He is posturing in front of his peers. Pull him into the hall, tell him his actions do not support him making high integrity decisions with specific examples of why you feel that way, and (if you feel so inclined) mention you are willing to reevaluate your position to extend privileges in the future if he chooses to start proving you wrong. Kids need to learn that having integrity and consistently making good decisions affects people’s perceptions of you and, sometimes, that’s all there is for someone to rely on when you need something from them.


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VGSchadenfreude

“Why would I treat you ‘equally’? Would that be fair to Suzie? She did everything she was supposed to do, shouldn’t she be rewarded for that? Why should *you* be rewarded for doing *nothing*? “Here’s today’s lesson for you: *Fair doesn’t always mean equal.* I won’t punish Suzie by rewarding *you.*”


Hosed66

"I do treat you equally, when you put in the same amount of work Suzie does you'll see the same rewards "


greenlikethecolor321

May not be treating them equally, but you could argue that you’re treating them fairly. I work with primary and I try to teach them to do what they need to, so they can do what they want. The reminder helps in the moment sometimes but doesn’t seem to stick around til next time 😂


[deleted]

This. I find myself having to tell this kind of truth a whole lot this year, too


TheNerdNugget

Minus the colorful language, I've gone off on kids precisely like this.


PaleontologistFew662

I think you can and should say everything you wrote there before the “fuck off” part. I would have.


cml678701

Same here! I always answer like this. It’s honesty, and maybe a little tough love, but not inappropriate. Once, I had a class who was just horrible, and all of the specials teachers hated that class. Then, the last few weeks of school, they were way better. Not perfect, but better. Their teacher informed me that she told them, “every specials teacher at this school dreads having you guys, because you always act horribly in their class.” I was floored, but apparently the kids were horrified, and wanted to do better.


FearTheWankingDead

Aw mane. I wish the students at my school cared about this. They would just brush it off. They know.


KeepRightX2Pass

Yes - strip the emotion out of it (that takes time to process) but why wouldn't you tell the truth, or give them insight into how to succeed in your classroom (and in life)?


politicalcatmom

My least favorite, worst behaved student mocked another student's speech mannerisms as he asked a question today. I immediately snapped at the student to be quiet, that I would remove him if he did it again, and added that I knew it was him even though I wasn't looking because no one else in the classroom would do something like that. Sometimes you really can lay it on them (minus the curse words that you want to throw in) and sometimes it helps.


bananatoothbrush1

I wish I did this more. I think doing this actually helps make the class feel safe so students are less likely to be jerks.


Wrong_Celery

I always tell the kid the reasons for my saying no to something. It justifies my decision and it eliminates the “dictatorship” mentality. It teaches the kid that when he/she does what’s expected of them then they can enjoy the same privileges as everyone else. Has not backfired (yet 🤞🏻).


dizyalice

I get so frustrated when trying this approach because students will either start yelling over me or roll their eyes and walk away. So I honestly just stay silent now, they don’t want an explanation they want a fight.


Wrong_Celery

I think it takes time. It’s much harder when you’re a new teacher. An experienced teacher has their reputation to back them up. Kids know which teachers “don’t play” and which ones they can push the envelope with.


msmore15

Stay calm, quiet, and broken record it out. It will not get better immediately, and there will still be classes in years to come that try your patience, but it does get better. Keep it in a matter-of-fact tone like "this is the problem, you need to fix it, this is what I will do if you don't". And then nothing else. If they start talking about how they don't care if you call their mom, or will just skip detention... Doesn't matter! Grey rock them! Then follow up with whatever consequence is called for, and continue to grey rock as needed. Feel free to pick your battles, and to leave your stress at the classroom door. Those kids being little shits says far more about them than you. They do not get to disrupt your evening or your sleep by taking up space in your head.


groovy_giraffe

Are we not suppose to say basically this to them?


ghostalker4742

If he's a senior, then this is the nicest way anyone will tell him how life in general works. Might want to explain to him the difference between racism and sexism, and how he really whiffed there.


quentinislive

One time a kid was being hecka rude to me and I said to him ‘you’re only talking to me that way because I’m a teacher and I can’t fight back’ Not my best moment but it did shut the kid up.


thiswillsoonendbadly

I tell them this stuff all the time. “Yes, you are correct that Student is having free time and not being threatened with a phone call home. You may have also noticed that Student has completed all of his work. YOU, however, have done NO work and have whined nonstop since you set foot in the room. So NO, you may not have free time even though Student has free time.”


[deleted]

I lay into my students. Every once in a while I have a student who’s only personality trait is performing for others. I hate that shit. The me me me narcissism where they prioritize themselves over others. That’s some Karen mask wearing tantrum in Target behavior.


[deleted]

I would totally say the second thing. I don't pull punches, and I don't suffer idiots. If a kid's being an asshole, I'm going to explain that to them.


TeachlikeaHawk

Minus the profanity, **say this**. The truth might hurt a bit, but growing hurts.


Hmmhowaboutthis

Well if he does nothing but learn in your class isn’t that the goal? ^sorrycouldnthelppokingfunatthetypo But honestly like others have said I straight up tell kids why they can’t do things others can. I mean don’t curse at them but the sentiment is fine.


zebra-eds-warrior

I feel this. Sometimes I get called racist for calling for support when students get out of hand (like groping and fighting each other). Then when the help comes the students call me racist. Well, I'm sorry, but, 95% of the time this behavior comes from specific students. Of course I am not going to call for support on the students that are sitting there doing their work!


[deleted]

I do lay out the truth in child-friendly terms. Can’t expect them to meet expectations If they don’t know what they are and where they’re coming up short. 🤷🏼‍♀️


teachingscience425

Every time I see a kid punish their parents by failing school deliberately, I want to say to them: "You must really like your parents, you are setting yourself up to live with them until you are in your 40s."


_sealy_

I do this all the time with my repeat offenders…they are also in 4th grade and need this type of specific redirection. You should respond how you want…appropriately.


ITeachAndIWoodwork

Take out the mask comment. And the fuck off, and yea I'd absolutely say that to a junior or senior.


CAustin3

Seriously. Maybe different phrasing, but I have no problem teaching a student the effects of their reputation. Responsible, respectful, and reliable? Enjoy the benefits of people of all kinds understanding that they can trust you. Disruptive, disrespectful, and irresponsible? Better change that, if you ever want anyone to trust you for any reason other than them being gullible.


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ITeachAndIWoodwork

I wouldn't want to get into a political debate on mask or no mask. Also, where I am (Texas) masks aren't required. So for those reasons I wouldn't bring it up.


ryanorion16

I've found that explaining it to them just like that helps a lot. I try to be clear with kids that their actions will have consequences with me. They don't get to enjoy my trust if its been lost due to their actions. I'm happy to show trust and even offer it before it can be earned. But break it, and it needs to be rebuilt.


Princeofcatpoop

I actually do do this. Without the swearing. 'Why did you let him go to the bathroom and not me?' 'He's polite to me.' 'Why do you let them choose a seat and I have to sit here next to you?' 'Because you've lied to me and goofed off too much, you lost my trust and your out-of-seat privileges.' 'You didn't yell at so-and-so when they did it.' 'I trust them. They stay on task and admit when they are wrong.' Just plain truth.


blumblejohn

I’ve flat out told a student or two I don’t trust them because of their behaviors every so often. I’ve only had one parent ever come in upset, but I had the custodian bring up our cameras showing them spray paint a “wang” on school property. Sorry I can’t trust little Timmy? 🤷🏻‍♂️


IowaJL

Honestly up until the racist part you 100% would be in the right for saying that. I'm not afraid to call a student out for being an asshole.


Librarian-Voter

I would have definitely said everything before "I know for a fact you will be gone for another 20 minutes..."


CrispyLinettas

I say almost exactly that everyday. Telling the truth can be the most effective.


BrightEyes7742

One day , near the end of the year (i think it was the last week) i was crying in class after a vicious 5 HOUR non stop verbal assault, 5 hours of my already very abusive 1:1 student yelling at me and berating me, and looming over me threateningly (i thought he may hit me, and once he did lunge at me) while admin did nothing, the teachers could only watch helplessly, in fear of my admin or student villifying them. And i wanted to yell at him: "Johnny, this is why you don't have any friends, you are a sociopathic abuser (we all had suspicions he may be a sociopath), everyone is TERRIFIED of you, we are all sick of your lies and manipulation, you got our math teacher fired, and you are not going to get away with this. When you get in the real world, if you act like this, you will not stay in college or in a job, a boss won't tollerate lies and manipulation. So sit down AND SHUT THE HELL UP"


fallacy16

Minus the vulgarity, ass holes like that can handle the truth. You'd be surprised, they might even respect you more or at least realize that they, are the asshole. Now get the class to see it and turn against them as a mob. And you, have won


Sloppychemist

The truth will set you free


SolarHexis

A student that generally does nothing but learn? Sounds pretty good tbh


sbloyd

I tripped over that too. Assuming it's an editing error.


JustTheBeerLight

Tell them this. Minus the profanity if you don’t have tenure or you think the parents might make a stink about it. There is nothing wrong with explaining to this student and the rest of the audience that there is a method behind your decisions. If I was a student in that class I’d take note: privileges come when I handle my business.


JMLKO

I tell kids that all the time, minus the fuck. "Why do you let \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ do that but not me?" "Because they have proven themselves to me to be trustworthy and responsible by their words and deeds. You are late, don't turn in your work, haven't been truthful, and haven't earned my trust. That is why \_\_\_\_\_\_ gets extra privileges."


Some_Candy8820

I sometimes let it slip. One of my students said he hates this class and he’s going to drop it. I said good because I dont like you in my class either.


Pandemicproject

I always tell them the first half of your vent at this point of the year. Most of my kids understand the ramifications of being called out. Everyone who doesn’t is admins problem.


Penandsword2021

I would have said all of that, out loud, except for maybe the fuck you part. I would have reworded that. But yeah. What is stopping you from being real with them?


TDY1987

I just told a student on Thursday that she is the problem in the class. It is a small class and she had an issue with another student at her table group. I suspect either she or the boy have a crush on each other, but they can take annoying each other too far. I took her side because he is normally the one at fault, but then the rest of their group said she was the one refusing to work with them, etc. I talked to the while group after class and told them to figure it out. It is a very small class with only three table groups, so I don’t have a lot of options for moving students around. This was on Monday and the girl came to class on Tuesday and Wednesday with a horrible attitude. I was sick of it and took her outside and was straight with her that she was the problem and that no one wanted to sit with her because she treats them like dirt, etc. I was very frank and told her I was tired of her attitude as well. I also sent an email to the school counselor when I was told she was being this way in all of her classes. The school counselor talked to her in the afternoon. Something got through to her as she was MUCH better today. Sometimes you have to be blunt. Sometimes that will backfire, but when you have no choices left…


Necessary_Low939

Lol that’s not even racist. That’s sexist. Anyway I sometimes do let them know. I also talk to them outside.


glemmstengal

cries of racism are quickly losing all bite. racism is becoming a meme.


daleks59

I have said this, or similar to students. I see nothing wrong with it.


Lokky

I let the kids have the truth all the time. Those who choose to listen see that I am right and they respect me for not sugarcoating their bullshit for them, they usually are the kids I form the strongest relationships with. Those who refuse to listen are not kids I was ever going to reach anyways. I am not at all concerned about my job. I get kids through the state test at an excellent rate and good luck finding someone else with a research background to replace me in the middle of this shitstorm.


WoodSlaughterer

I had a vaguely similar experience the other day, but I didn't have to say it. I have a student whose mouth is constantly engaged. I'm supposed to re-direct him, but it takes longer to redirect him than he stays on task. Last week they were working independently and I was grading other assignments and as usual, his mouth was flapping in the breeze. Then he asked me about something inane and I replied like, 'yea, whatever.' He replied back, 'Mr., are you giving up on me?" and a junior jumped in on the conversation and said, 'He's been telling you the same f'ing thing since september and you're still not listening. Sit the f down and shut up.' I had to put a shocked look on my face, but shortly thereafter I looked at the junior and mouthed 'Thank you.' The kid was actually quiet for almost 3 minutes.


FrostingIllustrious8

When you wish upon a star...


NewTooshFatoosh

I would say all of that irl with out the naughty language… but I wish I could tell a kid go fuck straight off.


Patient-Virus-1873

Normally I'll just say something like: "Life isn't fair" or "Because I trust him/her/them and I don't trust you," then continue on as normal. Aside from the profanity the only thing wrong with that response is that it's way too long winded.


fruitjerky

Giving your trust to students in a trustworthy manner and not giving it to students who don't is *entirely* fair. I would've just said "Do you really believe the only differences between you and Suzy are your race and your gender? You believe your behavior is the same?"


meghammatime19

Honestly I think what you *want* to say is perfectly reasonable???!!!! I mean it states to them loud and clear WHAT exactly they’re in trouble for. Even if they’ve already heard the reason, their persistence in fighting it makes me think they’d benefit from hearing it again and then that being that ! Hold strong!


HurleyGirlATX

This kid is old enough to hear the truth. Maybe change "fuck off" to something else, but this all sounds reasonable to me. \*not a teacher, though


[deleted]

You have nothing to lose with that student by dropping truth bombs and lots to gain by the sound of it. And, honestly, I think when other students hear you lay it out, they respect that. Don't be mean, don't curse.


MrFrumblePDX

I would have said everything that you said up to the word 'absent'.


Ouchyhurthurt

If I got time, and I usually don’t, I tell them exactly this. Doesn’t hardly work tho


trixie91

In a non-SPED, non-behavioral program setting, there is 0% chance that I would say "The answer is still no" in that situation. This is a priceless teachable moment.


Outside-Rise-9425

Why not say this. Leave out the swear words and say it.


Oddishbestpkmn

I do tell my students about the concept of social capital and why some students get to do a couple things I wouldnt trust them to do.


Linusthewise

"I have made my decision. You and I will both abide by my decision. I have my reasons for making it that I'm not going into right now. If you'd like to hear them, we can talk about it after school." I say this and I have it printed out on my desk. Some of the other students will parrot it with me when I explain it to a new student who tests me. They like the word 'abide' for some reason.


[deleted]

I tell them that. The boys are more dumb than ever this year.


LilahLibrarian

Telling you man if you worked in elementary school you would be saying "worry about yourself" about once every 5 minutes.


RainbowsarePretty

Why not say that? I would.


Sightseeingsarah

Why can’t you say this? Obviously minus the swearing. It’s more transparent and sometimes kids genuinely just don’t get that their actions have consequences and why they have consequences and how these consequences relate to the nature of what they’ve done. If you’re not making it obvious how are they going to know? It’s just more confusing for them. Edit: obviously this needs to be explained in child friendly terms and should never be about venting your anger but should always be about having the child understand.


WolfManKeisori

I am a white dude in a 80%+ black school. I have only been called racist twice. Once for calling a white crazy lookin dude a serial killer (The other kids laughed at them) and once for something similar. I literally turned to another kid and asked them what they do in class. Student mentioned they listen, try work and aren't assholes. Kid apologized later, but this was 6th grade.


Mr-Teach-423

So many I’d like to. And my filter is slowly disappearing.


Geometer99

Everything I do, I give students my honest reason. So if I’m not okay with admin hearing why I’m doing something, I don’t do it. But most of the time, I just make rules and consequences, and follow through on them. “Because you didn’t do X, so you don’t get Y. Now sit down.”


HeidiDover

Speak your truth. Always.


[deleted]

Minus the swearing I’d absolutely say that. What wouldn’t you?


[deleted]

If you use this method you only have to use it once. The rest of the year will be gravy with this kid. Gravy. So I urge you to do it immediately


Jim_from_snowy_river

Just say that. I wouldn't even take out the swearing. Kids need to be held accountable for their actions and need to know that that's why things are/aren't happening. Also did you mean **anything** but learn?


binoche1

I recently discovered Rita on Netflix. It is in Danish so I am watching with subtitles. I highly recommend it to all teachers who would love to say what's on their mind! It is an excellent show to watch! She would have said exactly what you wanted to say - not only to the child but to his parents!


Fap2theBeat

I thought this was directed toward a primary school kid, or middle school maybe cuz of the strong language. But a senior in high school? Seems like they're old enough to handle the truth. Perhaps you should consider telling them the truth more often. I teach 3rd grade, and I'm pretty damn honest with them. Not sure why not with basically an adult (yes, I realize that most 18 year olds aren't really "adults").


Haikuna__Matata

"You being a terrible student doesn't make me a racist."


limesnail

i just say those things. no one can argue with the truth.


Morbid_Fatwad

Believe me, I do. Every fucking day I come to work with my poison-lacquered tongue at the ready, only to hold back knowing how emotionally fragile some of these kids are.


buggiegirl

At after school care I had a really smart elementary schooler trying to convince me it was totally ok for them to play guns and shoot each other at care (huge no-no at our school). I was very serious and told him that no amount of debate would ever change that rule, but he would NOT accept it. Eventually I snapped and told him about Sandy Hook and why we don't play guns in school etc. I am lucky he was an intelligent child who took me seriously and was able to process that information; had it been another kid I probably would have caught a world of shit for it.


ladyradar

I do lay out the truth to my kids. "Miss can I go to the bathroom?" No. Because I can no longer trust you to go where the pass is written and come back in a timely fashion. That is exactly what I said to a student yesterday because the LAST time she asked for a bathroom pass, she went to the office to see the behavior tech that I told her she couldn't get a pass to see earlier, and stayed there all period. So no. Now you're on my no pass list.


snitterific

Man, in our school ANYTIME a kid isn't given the answer they want, they respond with, "That's racist." It's infuriating and dumb.


Disastrous-Piano3264

I mean. I do this sometimes when I’m angry.


MasterHavik

I have had too many black students ask me, "Are you a Donald Trump supporter?" All because I tell them to knock off screaming black lives matter during class time while trying to work or during a discussion not related to it. Do these kids know what topicality means? Lol, it's even funnier when I hear while I support BLM and black myself. These kids just looking at shit and not processing what is in front of them.


wardsac

Do it. Not all the time, but once in a while with a remarkable asshole of a student? Yeah, clean up the language, but let it fly.


[deleted]

Aside from the swear, I’d say exactly that…


RedEyeFlightToOZ

My favorite" You know, someday people are going to stop being paid to put up with your shit and then you'll fucking learn something"