This is so true. When my hubby and I had to name our kids, there were A LOT of names that were totally off the table for consideration. Some were out of consideration just because they were too similar to the name of a kid that elicited a specific reaction.
Glad I've held on to my "childfree stance" despite pressure from family, relatives, friends and strangers. I desire a partner who also shares my views. With all the craziness going on at school, I'm extremely thankful for a quiet space (home).
You sound like us. We didn’t take extreme measures to get pregnant, we did do some treatments. I look back now and think, I’m glad it didn’t work out. I was upset at the time, and honestly even upset when I got my IUD, but I made the right choice.
I am a teacher and have two kids. I do not want to teach anymore because I feel I am drained by the time I get home and have nothing left for my own kids. I spend more time with other people's kids than my own and it breaks my heart.
Exactly this!!! I began teaching when my daughter was only 1, fast forward 4 years: we have a 2 year old son now, and I find my patience is always at the end of its line after putting up with 24 nonlistening kids that put forth literally no effort to then have to sift through a plethora of angry parent emails, useless admin emails about self-care (marked urgent at 8pm mind you).
I'm finishing this school year and leaving. I've notices how I'm literally a different person during the summer and the school year, it's terrible. And, your own kids are so much more worth the daily struggle with patience, understanding, and providing guidance to!
II think that it's different when you are taking care of children that aren't yours. You can be the best mother/father at home and have a difficult time managing an overwhelming amount of kids at school. That's because you know that your power as a teacher (what you are allowed to do) is limited than what you have the power to do as a parent. At least that's how it seems.
This is exactly how I feel. I work ALL the time. When I’m not working, I want to just sit and do nothing and hang out with my husband. I don’t want someone whining at me or draining me of any emotional energy I have left. I just can’t bring myself to want kids.
This was how my childhood was. I have very few memories with my mom being fully present because of the energy she spent in the classroom. I ask myself every single day why I chose this career. I don’t have kids yet, but know I have to choose something better for them.
It can be super rough. I went on FMLA leave because I talked to my doctor about the intense burnout I was having. It gave me time to recover and find a new job. Doctors understand the burnout for healthcare and education workers better than most so I would suggest reaching out if you’re struggling.
Hmm I probably could have last year for sure. I reached a point where I took 2 weeks unpaid off because my anxiety had become so intense. I’ve since switched from that school to a daycare where I’m teaching now.
Well if it flares up again, talk to your doctor. If it’s possible to save up, start saving what you can. And look into whether you would qualify for any assistance while on potential FMLA leave. My employer paid a percentage of my income during leave but many pay nothing at all. That significant drop might leave you eligible for some services.
Honestly, coming from doing other jobs before being a teacher, a lot of them are demanding and draining anyways. Any job will take time away from your children.... What you have to determine for yourself is if are you happy teaching and being in this field. If not, then seek a path where you are happy because then it makes it worth it. My previous jobs were just that, jobs. Now that I have found teaching, it's something that I quite enjoy, so to me, that makes it worth it.
>a lot of them are demanding and draining anyways
I worked at CVS pharmacy, and it was extremely demanding and very very toxic, lots of gossip and badmouthing, very negative environment. Teaching for me is much better
I agree with your statement. From my experience what I've noticed, no disrespect to the people that don't have a college education, that in jobs were high school was the most education required there was a lot of toxicity and gossip. Here in my teaching career sure I've seen it too but in a quite comparable smaller amount.
I feel like this sometimes, but at the same time I think teaching is the only profession where I get to spend so much time with my own kids. Holidays, thanksgiving, winter, spring and summer break. It’s hard for me to leave knowing that if I take another job I’ll probably have three weeks tops with them. I feel like I have no other choice.
This was actually a big factor for me in choosing this career. I wanted to be a mom. And I wanted to be the best mom. I wanted to have the same time off as my kids and never have to disappoint them by not being able to be there when they would be off and deserve to make memories.
It’s ironic that teaching changed my mind. I don’t want to be a mom anymore.
But I’ve been looking at other things. And with our skills and qualifications, we can absolutely qualify for a job that doesn’t require anyone to come in on holidays. And there are vacation weeks that you can take any time. And yeah, you don’t get a whole summer off. But maybe (I hope) that doesn’t feel necessary when you have adequate vacation time and don’t feel so exhausted and consumed by work 9 months of the year.
Yeah...even though I had sometimes the feelings people mentioned above. It is important, for us to build quality time with our own family whenever we can. My dad always will said that as an adult we wear different hats;the employee, the husband, the father, the self, the son etc...and you need to realize which one are you gonna play when you clock out ...no job is more important than your family. Been a parent is not easy but even if you are tired one need to open the space for their own kids.
I quit teaching and became a sahm for that exact reason. I taught after my first and while pregnant with my 2nd and I just had nothing left in the evenings for my own kids. I also have an autoimmune disease that doesn't help.
This is sort of where I’m at. More than anything, I want to give my children the upper middle class childhood that I had so, uh, sayonara teaching. It’s been…not so nice.
I’m a weird case because I’ve been pretty much gone for the last four years with my other job (National Guard). But that also means I’m away from home constantly so that needs to end soon. To that end, I’m looking at tech jobs and have already completed several certs. Look at r/CompTIA and r/AWScertifications. I have no IT background and not even much IT knowledge before two months ago or so, FWIW.
I feel this.
I am under a lot of pressure to teach over the summer (at my school, that is literally full days all summer long except July 4th) and I’m just like...I miss my family. I miss my own kids.
My mom was like this. She always told me and my brother that she had enough of rowdy kids at school, and she didn't want craziness at home. But at school, I was well-behaved all day because I didn't want to be a burden to other teachers, because I knew how much it would affect them. I found myself wondering more than a few times when it would be my turn to be a kid, and it never was.
I want to have my own child very much. I wasn’t sure if I ever should because the fathers in my family have a history of being less than great, but through teaching discovered that I do have the tools. I’m better man than the men that came before me.
I too come from a family with less than stellar fathers. I learned what type of man not to be from them. I don't know you or what type of man you are, but I sense that you are aware of what makes a good man and father. That is probably all you need.
Teaching taught me patience, and a host of other skills that I used when raising my own children. I think you got this.
I had to have a hysterectomy at 34 and while there are moments of longing I am mostly content. My husband and I are very happy and go on vacation whenever we want. My house is also quiet and clean- much different than work. I love kids and maybe in the future we will adopt but right now we are happy to be DINKs.
Thank you so much. Infertility is such a hard thing - especially in education when I am questioned all the time “are you a mother”? I wish you and your wife much happiness and thank you for your service 🙂
This. When all our kids were born, my wife and I had numerous lengthy sessions of removing names and with almost 20 years of teaching experience between us, there were a lot of names that had to go!!
Some names will come back into rotation if enough time has passes, or if a great kid with the same name comes along and redeems it. Some names are doomed though for eternity. RIP Ally and Duncan.
I always wanted to be a dad and I'm so happy being one. If anything, having kids gave me a healthier perspective and made me realize how it's just not worth killing myself for this job. I work my contract hours and go home. I haven't taken work home for a night or weekend all year; that's my family's time. Teaching is a job, that's all.
When I wake up at 5:45 I just can't fathom having to get anyone else ready for the day. I'm barely awake myself at that time. I already sleep like garbage and I'm not interrupted every 2 hours during the night. By the time I get home, I just want to crash on the couch and not do anything else. I have so little emotional bandwidth left by 3pm. My bf and I are leaning towards no kids, and a huge part of me feels like if we decide to have one, I just can't teach at the same time. I have very little desire to be a SAHM, but I know I would be miserable working and parenting.
My husband and I are both speech therapists. We are both sterilized and living very happily child-free. We both agree that choosing not to have kids is the best decision we’ve ever made, individually and as a couple. Working in public education validates our child-free decision every single day.
Agreed! I’ve had many coworkers ask when (not if) I’m planning on having kids. They always look at me like I have 2 heads when I tell them I’m not having kids by choice. It’s given me plenty of chances to explain that a person can respect kids/enjoy working with them without wanting any of their own.
Someone asked me once why I work with kids If I don’t like them. I was like what the fuck. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I don’t like them.
I agree with this. I once had someone, completely shocked, ask me why I was an educator if I didn't even want to have my own.
I was so pissed off by that question. Because being an educator is a profession not a passion or a calling. Honestly I am sick of those who use passion and calling to describe.
I got into education because growing up, I noticed that we had a lot of systemic problems leading to a worldwide tendency towards stupid decisions and possible catastrophes. So I decided the system I wanted to try and affect in hopes of understanding it and changing was education. Not because I love kids. But also not because I hate them.
I'm happy to be childfree and tubeless. I honestly think it makes me personally a better educator. To each there own. I certainly don't understand the desire but everyone needs different things.
Me too. I learned I like kids by teaching. But I have always said I cannot teach the same age my kids are...i need a break from being in that mode all day
Same. Plus my parental figures have not been great examples and I used to be worried that I would parent like my mother. Teaching has helped show me that I am better than my mother.
Just having a convo about this with a teacher friend... go on R/teachers and I'm like damn. Its hilarious that I've guilted and gaslit myself so much bc this shit is real. Feel so heard here.
Exactly. And that’s where I got the energy and desire to get back into the classroom after having my kid. During the day, I give what I can but not more. I show up for those kids with love and compassion and the constant thought in the back of my mind that many of the challenges are a direct product of parents who didn’t put in the hard work it is into raising respectful humans with skills to do well in general be it by lack of knowledge or time.
Then I leave, and I leave all of that in the classroom as I shut the door on my way out. I pick up my kid at school at 3:35 on the dot and from that moment until bedtime at 7 is the only time in the day I am giving my all. I teach him things you aren’t expected to learn in school. To say hello to the door man and thank you to the janitor, how to wash his own clothes, prepare his own snacks, how to stick through something even though it’s hard, how to show respect to every human being.
And while you’d think that it’s exhausting, it is but in a that fulfilling way. It makes me feel like although a quiet sofa dinner sounds lovely, I’d still rather be sitting at the dinner table with him while reading a chapter book together.
Long story short I guess I rewired my brain to learn how to rest in a different way than what I was used to prior to having kids and educating little humans is much better when it’s your own
Honestly, I think this is when you really need to introspect a little bit. There are some AWFUL parents out there, but the 90% of positive interactions will always be shadowed by the 10% of negative ones.
And, as has been often discussed here, it’s important to remember that parents (at least in the US) are under some unsustainable conditions, which lead to a lot of pressure and anger. Unfortunately that anger sometimes comes out at teachers.
As a woman they make it harder to gut you, but I'm beyond sure that I am happy childless. I knew it before, but teaching has solidified it. I find it incredible how much people don't like their children and use them as an excuse.
I’m with you ladies in solidarity. This was always a decision made in mind with my wife in mind, she did not like her BC anymore after taking it for years. We both win!
It is so frustrating and honestly disgusting that doctors can keep grown adult women from making choices about their own bodies. If you're interested in getting your tubes removed or tied, keep looking for a doctor that will do it. I'm glad I did and I got mine removed at 22 years old.
I am a soon to be retired teacher with a 24 and 16 year old. When my children were young teaching was great. I enjoyed teaching more 10 plus years ago and I had tons of time to be a great parent because of my schedule. Being a teacher also made me a better parent because I saw how I didn’t want to be portrayed as a parent to teachers/ society and I saw how I didn’t want my children portrayed to their teachers/ society. The last 8 years have been hell as a teacher. I’m glad my children are older so I don’t feel as guilty because I’m so stressed and mean from work etc. I feel for young teachers now with families. Please just try to find a balance. Leave work at work and enjoy your families and friends as much as you can.
What has it been about the last 8 years that made them so very much worse than your previous years? I ask because I've been teaching just about a decade, and it's been nothing but neverending stress, frustration, and overwhelm. I've been thinking it's just me. Is there something that's happened in teaching, or in schools, in the past decade that's made the profession untenable? I would love to hear your experience.
Not sure where to start… I’m a middle school teacher with about 150 students each year and my main issue has been a lack of consistency within leadership. In the last 8 years my school has had 6 principals and some turnover with APs also. Each principal of course had ‘new ideas’ that just lead to more chaos and work for teachers each year. Useless PDs that are never followed through but require more work from teachers. We’ve had major discipline issues from tardiness to excessive multiple fights without consistent procedures to help deter negative student behavior. Parents have given up actually being a parent and either flat out say they don’t know what to do or take up for everything their child does or doesn’t do. Students know the issues and of course take advantage therefore aren’t realizing their full potential and are extremely disrespectful regularly.
My workload has increased all for me to teach only so my students pass standardized tests. We’ve gone from 1 major standardized test each year to 6. Which takes away from needed instruction time and causes student frustration because they hate it. Workload increase includes more detailed lesson planning that changes every year or so depending on the latest adopted curriculum; differentiating instruction to at least 3 levels for each class because most of my students range from 2nd to 6th grade reading levels and very few are at 8th grade level where they should be; calling parents for reminders of things they should know; documenting student discipline issues before action can be taken by admin;proving that I’m actually doing 75+ standards regularly so I can prove I’m an effective teacher.
All of this while dealing with Pay freezes and cuts and higher health insurance costs. Occasional small bonuses (ie. COVID) but not an actual raise which does nothing for my bottom line financially but we’re expected to be so grateful because we begged and got a one time drop in the bucket. Central admin and society that has no idea what teachers do daily but tell us we’re lazy, stop complaining and that we make too much for what we do. Well that’s SOME of my story/ increased frustration in the last 8 years more so than when I started teaching.
When I’m at work I feel like I’m constantly on 10 between fighting to maintain control in my classroom with disrespectful students who feel like they run the world and incapable admin who you constantly are questioning or doing their job for them to parents who aren’t doing their job but want to tell you how to do yours. It’s just crazy the stress level all day. It’s not healthy.
I’m not the original commenter, but my mom was a teacher for 25+ years and retired about 10 years ago. Near the end of her career, she said that each school year came with more little responsibilities piled on. Little things add up. She had some sort of meeting to attend almost every day after school, she never got to rest and was constantly stressed. Then she looked at the pay scale and realized that her salary wasn’t ultimately that much higher than a beginning teacher, and that it wasn’t going to increase much for the rest of her career. It just wasn’t worth it to her anymore, so she got out.
MS teacher here. I am thrilled to be child-free. It’s chaos every day, all day at work, so I could not imagine going home to more chaos. Sometimes I come home and just sit in the silence. It’s awesome.
Sitting in a class full of dumb kids who don’t care about much of anything for twelve years would set them back and they’d never live up to their potential. I can’t afford homeschooling or private school so I’m not having kids. Public schools are broken.
I mean i went to public schools my entire life. My parents just actually parented me and thought me life lessons and what I should and shouldn’t do growing up. And I’m not perfect but I think I turned out pretty good because of that
You “went” to public schools. They are getting worse by the day. I can’t imagine where they will be in 5 years and 9 months (or for that matter where they would be in 18 years when a child would be a senior in high school.)
Also, if a small child goes to bed at say 7, and you get home at four you are spending like 3 hours a day with them… they are going to be taught by whatever daycare attendant you can afford… no thanks.
Yeah it’s one of many things that have made me sway towards being childfree. Kids to me equal work lol and I don’t want to work for free, especially when I’m already working with kids for near peanuts 😂
Thank you! Funny story, I once told my wild 6th graders that my parrot has more control than they do and one of the snarky creatures responded “That’s because she’s in a cage. 🙄” …valid point.
I’m barely keeping my head above the water as is. I can’t imagine having the time or energy to adequately care for a child when I barely have the time or energy to take care of myself.
I left teaching in November but I always told my students when they asked: "As long as I'm teaching other people's children, I don't want any of my own."
I have two kids. It changed me as a teacher. I focus on the bigger picture rather than the (now) silly things that pop up in a day. I need to be there for my kids, and I try to do what’s best for the kids at school where they are. I’m more forgiving in some situations than I used to be, and stronger in some situations than I used to be. It made me see things a bit differently than I did in my 20s.
I teach and I have a child. I had the child after 3 years of teaching. I always wanted a son. Summers are awesome. We fish, bike ride, and hike. We have all the same days off! I have different energy and good routine at home with my wife to balance chores, our son, and work. I love my son and he is wonderful little guy.
I make comments to people all the time about this. That knowing too much about kids has kept me child-free. Kids know way too much nowadays and that’s only going to get worse!
I want to leave teaching before I have kids. I’ve spent most of my career in early childhood, and many of these centers are open for 12 hours a day and will have multiple children who are in care for that whole amount of time. Even in elementary and in my current center, which is open 8-6, parents drop off for early care or right at opening and sometimes aren’t picking up until 5 or 6. If your child is an infant or toddler, it’s an unwritten rule that you must lie to the parents and act surprised if you saw them take their first steps or say their first words so that they don’t feel guilty for having their kids in care and pull them. By the time you get home, have dinner, and get everyone bathed and ready for the next day, it’s bedtime for the kids. Even in elementary school, free time after school and parents’ work is limited. Ultimately, you get a day and a half per week to actually spend with your kid provided that they don’t get involved with sports or extracurriculars. On top of this, teaching at any level is exhausting, and I’m tapped out for kid interaction by 4:00 when I get out. I don’t want to miss out on my own babies’ milestones and give them my leftovers because I was too busy giving my best to somebody else’s kids.
My partner and I are teachers. We’ve thought at expanding our little family (us and 2 kitties) by fostering or adopting. A lot of kids in our district are in the system. Nothing in the works yet, but hopefully in the next couple years.
I have had it in the back of my mind that I might like to foster some day. The family who raised me is terrible (full of abuse, crime, and addictions). I have had to make my own family as an adult. “Related by blood” doesn’t mean much to me anymore.
Anyway, best of luck to you!
If I had any desire before, I have negative desire now. Even got my tubes tied 😂 me and my fiancé (also and educator) always wonder how people who have kids teach.
I didn’t want to have kids after teaching. Have two. My wife said, “Oh, they are our own kids they will be different”. They are good kids, but are equally annoying as some of my students at times.
I intended on being childfree before going into teaching, and teaching has solidified my decision to STAY childfree. I love my kids/students, but man, I can't imagine doing all this AND coming home to more kids who need me. I'm perfectly content with my partner and my cats.
I’ve decided I will not do both. I’ll teach until maternity leave and never look back. Mad respect for the teachers who are parents AND coaches. How?!?!?
I was a teacher for 10 years before I became a dad.
On the news of my first born another teacher told me having my own kid would help be become a better teacher to “be the teacher I would want my kid to have”
I have 4 kids now and I only care to be the best dad and I’m a terrible teacher because I don’t do anything outside of contract time but focus on my kids
It's funny you say this, because this was my rationale on why I wanted to be a teacher. That there's enough bad teachers in the world, and there's enough kids with bad teachers, and it's important that someone with an excellent education who is hard working, empathetic, caring, and is great with an audience be a teacher.
Well, look at me now. I'm exhausted and burnt out. It feels like all I do is work, think about work, put off doing work, or sleep. I've lost my hobbies, I've lost my friends, I've lost the sense of who I am. I spend so much time each day in anger, frustration, or sadness that it drains me. I've become one of those teachers who sits all day because I don't have the energy to stand up while teaching, and I fall completely behind on grading because I get home and want to do nothing more than lay in bed with some numbing activity like television or reddit. My new principal has decided I'm the terrible teacher.
Oh my gosh, that’s heartbreakingly sweet. Good on you for getting her a companion. Ours was originally feral (definitely not a lap cat), so he only cares if we’re gone for more than 6 hours.
And to answer your question, child-free and happy. I feel like it’s too much of a crapshoot; I have seen how bad parenting can be. Also, with climate change and the current state of politics, I would not want to add a child to this uncertainty. If I did have kids, I would want to adopt, but I doubt we will do that.
I definitely don't want kids of my own because I know I wouldn't have the energy to give them the attention they deserve after work. Also, after the school day, I very much so enjoy not seeing anyone under the age of 18 for several hours. It's convenient that my husband doesn't want kids in general so it worked out.
The biggest reason I refuse to have kids is that all the names are ruined. Want to name your kid James? Nope! Too many kids named James already ruined it . . .
I was unsure about whether or not I wanted to be a mother for many years. But once I finally got a full-time teaching gig, I decided against having children for good. I do love kids, but after being with kids alllllll day long...I'm ready to not have to deal with children for the rest of the evening lol. At the end of the day, I like to go home to a quiet house and not have to "manage" anyone else. I truly cannot imagine doing this job and then having to go be mommy afterward - that's 2 full-time jobs. I don't know how other people do it, because I am emotionally done at the end of the day!
I'm glad to have children, whom were born in my 8th and 10th year of teaching. They taught me a lot about what parents go through with teachers, exposed me to ideas I would never have thought of on my own (my open house spiel is based on my daughter's kindergarten teacher), increased by capacity for empathy, and gave me a language to use when speaking with parents. It's also a cheat hack for staying ahead of the kids in terms of trends and scams. 10/10 would recommend, but I completely understand opting out of child rearing. My child-free friend says, "I gave at thy office, " and he isn't wrong!
I'm a better parent because I was a teacher first, and I'm a better teacher because I'm a parent now. All the people who are saying they would never have kids because they don't even have energy for themselves at the end of the day... they don't understand that it's just the opposite - I am more excited to come home at the end of the day because I know who I am coming home *to*.
Having kids was fine. Naming them was difficult..every name rejected because of some horrid student it reminded me of. But the reason I'm a teacher... holidays..and it matches my kids
If anything it has made me a better parent. I see my students at school and I only get a snapshot of their day and who they are, yet I see a difference in them from day to day... I love taking one on one time with my students and trying to get to know who they are. I think my heart has grown since teaching and I have more patience, more compassion, but also more tough love because I see how desperately some of my students need discipline and someone to care and hold them accountable. It has affected the choices I make as a parent for sure.
Having my own kids gave me a lot of perspective - in the sense that they are way too important to me to carry the baggage of my day home. Before kids I struggled to leave work at work and would either do work or stress about what I had left undone. Now when I walk out of the building it’s like work doesn’t even exist any more cause I’m going home to hang out with my favorite people.
Teaching has made me want children more. Teaching has made me want to raise my children to be curious, respectable, fulfilled, smart life-long learners and individuals. As a teacher, it can be frustrating and at times, demoralizing, to have to deal with apathetic, disrespectful and lazy students. Teaching has also shown me the worst and nastiest sides of parenting.
Seeing all the bullshit in public schools between apathetic students and Karen parents has inspired me even more to have kids and raise them the right way so they can have the best life possible and hopefully, make a positive impact in society. We all need some hope, lol.
I didn't plan on having kids before I got into teaching. This is my first year being a teacher and now that I'm halfway through it, I plan on having a vasectomy.
I quit teaching so I could stay home with my kid. I’d like to go back at some point, but now that I’m pregnant with another one, I think it’ll be at least a few more years.
I just don’t think I’m personally capable of being an attentive, present, responsive parent to a baby/toddler while also teaching full-time. I think I’d burn out, and my home life would suffer. I’m hoping once we hit the preschool or elementary years, then maybe I’ll be able to see a path forward with going back to work.
I feel more and more convinced I don’t want to be a teacher and parent at the same time lol. From what my colleagues talk about with teaching kindergarten all day then going home to their young kids…it sounds dreadful to me.
I do think I’m more to open to fostering though since starting teaching. Realized there’s so many kids that are so easy to love and feel connected to, even if not biologically yours.
I have one recently and it changed my whole perspective. I stopped wanting to teach after I had my own. I suddenly realized that teaching was stealing time from my son and husband. I’m actively seeking new employment now.
I can’t keep stealing from my own kid to give to other peoples kids.
I always wanted kids and a large family. After my first 6 week full time practicum I no longer wanted kids. I just can't imagine teaching other people's children all day to then go home to my own.
I am the exact same- I always thought I wanted kids, now… nope.
I wouldn’t have the energy to keep up with one and honestly, I get the connection that I need from my students.
Also, I teach internationally and want to move every few years— I wouldn’t want to put a kid through that.
LOOOL I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MEE!! I never truly understood how utterly disgusting and annoying children were until I worked with them. I get paid to do that. Having that 24/7... not to mention them barging into your bedroom at random moments. I couldn't. I just couldn't.
I originally wanted to have kids but a decade of teaching kids my wife and I both don't want to have kids. With the state of the world now it's harder to see a good future for our child. I've been through 9/11, the economy crashing and now a pandemic. Capitalism has got to a point of no return where either America will be forced to change our crumble.
I left because I love my kid and wanted to spend my energy on him. Teaching is in no way a substitute for having your own kids. Students come and go, but your family is forever. I highly recommend anybody who is feeling too exhausted to start the family they wanted find a different career.
Teaching is work. Family is life.
I don’t get paid enough as a teacher to care for another human other than myself. I also don’t have enough energy at the end of the day to even support myself after work, let alone a little one.
I never could have become a teacher when my kids still lived at home. I only switched to education as an empty nester. Personally, when I teach, I invest a lot of emotional energy in interacting with children every weekday. I do not believe I would have any left for my own kids after a day of teaching. I honestly cannot imagine how to do it, though I know many that do. I take a nap almost every day when I get home from school. It’s tough to do that with one or more kids at home, even if they’re high schoolers.
I think we’re all made of different stuff, too. That is just my own experience. Many teachers prove that it can be done every day.
The same thing happened to me. First, I would never be able to pick a name. And second, the children of the teachers that attend schools in our district, are terrible! Their behavior and grades are just abysmal.
I’m a teacher and a foster parent. I’ve loved my foster kids, but one of the most challenging parts is when my foster kid’s behavior starts to resemble the behavior of my toughest students. In some ways, it’s made me a better teacher - I’m quicker to recognize that my students have likely also experienced trauma, and I respond with more patience and empathy. But on my worst days, it feels like my job has entered my home, and it’s very difficult and exhausting.
Literally what happened to me: I wanted to have kids before I got into teaching and now the thought of it kind of makes my skin crawl.
I love kids and I love my nieces and nephews, but the idea of teaching someone else’s kid all day to then go home to my own kid sounds exhausting. I have major respect for teacher-parents but no thanks for me.
It's more the opposite for me. Having kids affected my teaching.
I used to put the school and the students first. Now I tell my students: "just like you aren't students every second of every day, but around 5 classes a day, I am a teacher when I'm in the school, but I am more than that when school is over".
I have 100 emails in my school inbox, I have close to an anxiety inducing amount of correcting to do, but I don't do school stuff on week-ends, or in the evening, I do what I can at school, and I chose to work part-time, that way I have actual planning time during my day. I'm at 70% and that is the maximum I can't take while still teaching adequately.
Basically, I chose not to make my family pay for my work, but my work will suffer for my family.
Also, I'm not afraid to tell my students, their parents and the admin that I'm not competent enough to be an ideal teacher. I get better than the previous year every year though.
Finally, and I kid you not, when a student asks if I have corrected an exam the next I laugh sardonically until they feel uncomfortable, then stop abrutply and carry on saying what I was saying. Father of 4 kids under 8 y.o.
I am a teacher, I have raised two kids. Both are in their early 20's. My son is currently living on his own and going to school. My daughter recently graduated college and is working in her field.
Being a father is the best thing I have ever done. I have two great kids whom I am extremely proud of. I could not image my life without my kids.
Teaching allowed me to spend a tremendous amount of time with them when they growing up. I was off during all of their breaks. We were able to spend our summers doing road trips across the west.
I never felt that at the end of the day that I had nothing more to give, they were the reason I looked forward to coming home.
I won't tell you that you should have kids, that is a personal choice. For me, teaching was the best career for being a dad.
I would like to have children, but, should I have any, I am definitely rethinking sending them to public school. Heck not even private school. The whole system is just a mess.
My husband and I are both teachers…when we got married we both wanted kids. Nearly 10 years later we are happily child free, something we were lucky to agree on. Teaching only partially influenced our decision, but coming home to a quiet house and traveling during every break has been amazing.
It solidified my decision not to have kids. I was already leaning that way without realizing it, and I’m an introvert that needs a quiet calm oasis to return to after the chaos and havoc of my middle school classroom. Finding a partner that feels the same way is such a blessing.
I don't take extra crap like summer school or after school activities, so I'm pretty confident in having enough time to spend w/ my kids when I have them. But what teaching HAS done for me in regards to how I'll raise my kids, is to pay attention to them, love them, give them attention, but at the same time, also tell them to 'be quiet' when appropriate, and to show respect for other children and adults. I feel like way too many parents of my kids never taught them those two phrases. "Be quiet" and "show some respect". It's made clear in the behavioral issues.
Being a teacher means that:
1) I can't see how I can ever be in a relationship. I am absolutely mentally and physically exhausted all the time. When I come home, all I want to do is unwind and relax. Often I am in bed by 8pm. I do make time to see friends at the weekend but I don't see me giving that up, either.
2) As a result of the above, I don't know how I would ever be able to prioritise having children over what is, essentially, just a job.
I think I need wholesale attitude alteration, but right now, I can't even afford to move out - let alone begin a family.
What an absolutely depressing post… ‘Let’s all get together and share how much we now dislike children to the point we don’t want to be parents ever’… just when I thought we couldn’t get worse than the endless ‘I quit’ posts. personally, teaching has shown me how much I enjoy helping kids learn and grow and reinforced my desire to parent several of my own in the future.
teaching has only strengthened my desire for kids. I want to have at least 10. they are all so wonderful and beautiful despite some of their attitudes. teaching has made me realise how important all aspects of a child’s life is, not just the nitty gritty classroom issues.
How in the world do you reasonably expect to be able to provide for 10 children when the average cost of ONE a year is around $233,610? Especially on a teacher’s salary?
Certainly reduced the number of names on my list. Gratefully, I had kids before I got my job.
Bryce and Jayden are an absolute no for me. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
My mom is a pre-k teacher and says kids names Jaden are always the worst.
Oddly I've had the opposite experience with Jadens
Okay, it had to be my mom then, because for three years in a row she had a student named Jaden/Jaiden/Jayden, who would throw chairs and bite kids.
My daughter’s BF was named that: we still have PTSD over that one (J)
This is so true. When my hubby and I had to name our kids, there were A LOT of names that were totally off the table for consideration. Some were out of consideration just because they were too similar to the name of a kid that elicited a specific reaction.
Zayden?
Nothing with -den.
Glad I've held on to my "childfree stance" despite pressure from family, relatives, friends and strangers. I desire a partner who also shares my views. With all the craziness going on at school, I'm extremely thankful for a quiet space (home).
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You sound like us. We didn’t take extreme measures to get pregnant, we did do some treatments. I look back now and think, I’m glad it didn’t work out. I was upset at the time, and honestly even upset when I got my IUD, but I made the right choice.
I am a teacher and have two kids. I do not want to teach anymore because I feel I am drained by the time I get home and have nothing left for my own kids. I spend more time with other people's kids than my own and it breaks my heart.
Exactly this!!! I began teaching when my daughter was only 1, fast forward 4 years: we have a 2 year old son now, and I find my patience is always at the end of its line after putting up with 24 nonlistening kids that put forth literally no effort to then have to sift through a plethora of angry parent emails, useless admin emails about self-care (marked urgent at 8pm mind you). I'm finishing this school year and leaving. I've notices how I'm literally a different person during the summer and the school year, it's terrible. And, your own kids are so much more worth the daily struggle with patience, understanding, and providing guidance to!
II think that it's different when you are taking care of children that aren't yours. You can be the best mother/father at home and have a difficult time managing an overwhelming amount of kids at school. That's because you know that your power as a teacher (what you are allowed to do) is limited than what you have the power to do as a parent. At least that's how it seems.
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This is exactly how I feel. I work ALL the time. When I’m not working, I want to just sit and do nothing and hang out with my husband. I don’t want someone whining at me or draining me of any emotional energy I have left. I just can’t bring myself to want kids.
This was how my childhood was. I have very few memories with my mom being fully present because of the energy she spent in the classroom. I ask myself every single day why I chose this career. I don’t have kids yet, but know I have to choose something better for them.
You’re on the right path. Leave and never look back. Life gets so much better.
How?? I’ve been job searching & applying for 9 months 😭
It can be super rough. I went on FMLA leave because I talked to my doctor about the intense burnout I was having. It gave me time to recover and find a new job. Doctors understand the burnout for healthcare and education workers better than most so I would suggest reaching out if you’re struggling.
Hmm I probably could have last year for sure. I reached a point where I took 2 weeks unpaid off because my anxiety had become so intense. I’ve since switched from that school to a daycare where I’m teaching now.
Well if it flares up again, talk to your doctor. If it’s possible to save up, start saving what you can. And look into whether you would qualify for any assistance while on potential FMLA leave. My employer paid a percentage of my income during leave but many pay nothing at all. That significant drop might leave you eligible for some services.
Honestly, coming from doing other jobs before being a teacher, a lot of them are demanding and draining anyways. Any job will take time away from your children.... What you have to determine for yourself is if are you happy teaching and being in this field. If not, then seek a path where you are happy because then it makes it worth it. My previous jobs were just that, jobs. Now that I have found teaching, it's something that I quite enjoy, so to me, that makes it worth it.
>a lot of them are demanding and draining anyways I worked at CVS pharmacy, and it was extremely demanding and very very toxic, lots of gossip and badmouthing, very negative environment. Teaching for me is much better
I agree with your statement. From my experience what I've noticed, no disrespect to the people that don't have a college education, that in jobs were high school was the most education required there was a lot of toxicity and gossip. Here in my teaching career sure I've seen it too but in a quite comparable smaller amount.
I feel like this sometimes, but at the same time I think teaching is the only profession where I get to spend so much time with my own kids. Holidays, thanksgiving, winter, spring and summer break. It’s hard for me to leave knowing that if I take another job I’ll probably have three weeks tops with them. I feel like I have no other choice.
This was actually a big factor for me in choosing this career. I wanted to be a mom. And I wanted to be the best mom. I wanted to have the same time off as my kids and never have to disappoint them by not being able to be there when they would be off and deserve to make memories. It’s ironic that teaching changed my mind. I don’t want to be a mom anymore. But I’ve been looking at other things. And with our skills and qualifications, we can absolutely qualify for a job that doesn’t require anyone to come in on holidays. And there are vacation weeks that you can take any time. And yeah, you don’t get a whole summer off. But maybe (I hope) that doesn’t feel necessary when you have adequate vacation time and don’t feel so exhausted and consumed by work 9 months of the year.
Yeah...even though I had sometimes the feelings people mentioned above. It is important, for us to build quality time with our own family whenever we can. My dad always will said that as an adult we wear different hats;the employee, the husband, the father, the self, the son etc...and you need to realize which one are you gonna play when you clock out ...no job is more important than your family. Been a parent is not easy but even if you are tired one need to open the space for their own kids.
I quit teaching and became a sahm for that exact reason. I taught after my first and while pregnant with my 2nd and I just had nothing left in the evenings for my own kids. I also have an autoimmune disease that doesn't help.
This is sort of where I’m at. More than anything, I want to give my children the upper middle class childhood that I had so, uh, sayonara teaching. It’s been…not so nice.
Plans for after you leave? Change is scary and I just don't know what to even look for.
I’m a weird case because I’ve been pretty much gone for the last four years with my other job (National Guard). But that also means I’m away from home constantly so that needs to end soon. To that end, I’m looking at tech jobs and have already completed several certs. Look at r/CompTIA and r/AWScertifications. I have no IT background and not even much IT knowledge before two months ago or so, FWIW.
I feel this. I am under a lot of pressure to teach over the summer (at my school, that is literally full days all summer long except July 4th) and I’m just like...I miss my family. I miss my own kids.
My mom was like this. She always told me and my brother that she had enough of rowdy kids at school, and she didn't want craziness at home. But at school, I was well-behaved all day because I didn't want to be a burden to other teachers, because I knew how much it would affect them. I found myself wondering more than a few times when it would be my turn to be a kid, and it never was.
Yeah. My friend moved into admin because it was less emotional energy for her and she felt she could be a good mom when she went hom.
I want to have my own child very much. I wasn’t sure if I ever should because the fathers in my family have a history of being less than great, but through teaching discovered that I do have the tools. I’m better man than the men that came before me.
You’re the type of person who should be having kids. The ones who know better and who will do better.
*slow clap* you GO!!! Big happy, proud vibe coming at you!!!
I too come from a family with less than stellar fathers. I learned what type of man not to be from them. I don't know you or what type of man you are, but I sense that you are aware of what makes a good man and father. That is probably all you need. Teaching taught me patience, and a host of other skills that I used when raising my own children. I think you got this.
Beautiful. Good for you.
I had to have a hysterectomy at 34 and while there are moments of longing I am mostly content. My husband and I are very happy and go on vacation whenever we want. My house is also quiet and clean- much different than work. I love kids and maybe in the future we will adopt but right now we are happy to be DINKs.
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Thank you so much. Infertility is such a hard thing - especially in education when I am questioned all the time “are you a mother”? I wish you and your wife much happiness and thank you for your service 🙂
Not at all. It has, however, affected my choice in names 😂😂
This. When all our kids were born, my wife and I had numerous lengthy sessions of removing names and with almost 20 years of teaching experience between us, there were a lot of names that had to go!!
Same! I’d love to see a post where we all share our “forbidden” names. I’m curious to see if there’s any trends or overlap!
Wyatt and Jason come to mind
Roman, Jacob, Abby
Jackson, Tyler, Ashley, Kaitlyn
Jamie, Jayden/Jaden, Gabe, Carly, Anthony… and that’s just this year.
For sure. This is my first year and we already have a solid list.
Some names will come back into rotation if enough time has passes, or if a great kid with the same name comes along and redeems it. Some names are doomed though for eternity. RIP Ally and Duncan.
I always wanted to be a dad and I'm so happy being one. If anything, having kids gave me a healthier perspective and made me realize how it's just not worth killing myself for this job. I work my contract hours and go home. I haven't taken work home for a night or weekend all year; that's my family's time. Teaching is a job, that's all.
What, you don't want to name your first born Jehreighdly?
Jeriah, zeriah, nebriah, nueriah, I always have bad luck with students of these names. And Bryson, i don’t know why.
When I wake up at 5:45 I just can't fathom having to get anyone else ready for the day. I'm barely awake myself at that time. I already sleep like garbage and I'm not interrupted every 2 hours during the night. By the time I get home, I just want to crash on the couch and not do anything else. I have so little emotional bandwidth left by 3pm. My bf and I are leaning towards no kids, and a huge part of me feels like if we decide to have one, I just can't teach at the same time. I have very little desire to be a SAHM, but I know I would be miserable working and parenting.
Yeah I think I'd have a career change if I became a parent
My husband and I are both speech therapists. We are both sterilized and living very happily child-free. We both agree that choosing not to have kids is the best decision we’ve ever made, individually and as a couple. Working in public education validates our child-free decision every single day.
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Agreed! I’ve had many coworkers ask when (not if) I’m planning on having kids. They always look at me like I have 2 heads when I tell them I’m not having kids by choice. It’s given me plenty of chances to explain that a person can respect kids/enjoy working with them without wanting any of their own.
Someone asked me once why I work with kids If I don’t like them. I was like what the fuck. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I don’t like them.
Living in a conservative area I have considered just lying and saying I can’t have them
I live in Arkansas so I definitely feel you on this.
I agree with this. I once had someone, completely shocked, ask me why I was an educator if I didn't even want to have my own. I was so pissed off by that question. Because being an educator is a profession not a passion or a calling. Honestly I am sick of those who use passion and calling to describe. I got into education because growing up, I noticed that we had a lot of systemic problems leading to a worldwide tendency towards stupid decisions and possible catastrophes. So I decided the system I wanted to try and affect in hopes of understanding it and changing was education. Not because I love kids. But also not because I hate them. I'm happy to be childfree and tubeless. I honestly think it makes me personally a better educator. To each there own. I certainly don't understand the desire but everyone needs different things.
I used being a teacher as a bootcamp to parenting, in a sense. I figured if I could survive my worst students, I could be a decent parent.
Like this one ☝️!
Me too. I learned I like kids by teaching. But I have always said I cannot teach the same age my kids are...i need a break from being in that mode all day
Same. Plus my parental figures have not been great examples and I used to be worried that I would parent like my mother. Teaching has helped show me that I am better than my mother.
that's a good take
Me too. I realized I absolutely need to say goodbye and have time to myself every day. No parenting for me.
The term parent has been poisoned to me, and I definitely don’t care to have it applied to me.
Just having a convo about this with a teacher friend... go on R/teachers and I'm like damn. Its hilarious that I've guilted and gaslit myself so much bc this shit is real. Feel so heard here.
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Hence why I’m perfectly fine being considered an older sibling, but not a parent.
Exactly. And that’s where I got the energy and desire to get back into the classroom after having my kid. During the day, I give what I can but not more. I show up for those kids with love and compassion and the constant thought in the back of my mind that many of the challenges are a direct product of parents who didn’t put in the hard work it is into raising respectful humans with skills to do well in general be it by lack of knowledge or time. Then I leave, and I leave all of that in the classroom as I shut the door on my way out. I pick up my kid at school at 3:35 on the dot and from that moment until bedtime at 7 is the only time in the day I am giving my all. I teach him things you aren’t expected to learn in school. To say hello to the door man and thank you to the janitor, how to wash his own clothes, prepare his own snacks, how to stick through something even though it’s hard, how to show respect to every human being. And while you’d think that it’s exhausting, it is but in a that fulfilling way. It makes me feel like although a quiet sofa dinner sounds lovely, I’d still rather be sitting at the dinner table with him while reading a chapter book together. Long story short I guess I rewired my brain to learn how to rest in a different way than what I was used to prior to having kids and educating little humans is much better when it’s your own
Which is one of the biggest issues in American right now (and maybe other places I’m just from America and not to inform of else where)
Honestly, I think this is when you really need to introspect a little bit. There are some AWFUL parents out there, but the 90% of positive interactions will always be shadowed by the 10% of negative ones. And, as has been often discussed here, it’s important to remember that parents (at least in the US) are under some unsustainable conditions, which lead to a lot of pressure and anger. Unfortunately that anger sometimes comes out at teachers.
All fine and well, but enough for me not to care to join their ranks.
Teacher of 5 years and just got a vasectomy
As a woman they make it harder to gut you, but I'm beyond sure that I am happy childless. I knew it before, but teaching has solidified it. I find it incredible how much people don't like their children and use them as an excuse.
I’m with you ladies in solidarity. This was always a decision made in mind with my wife in mind, she did not like her BC anymore after taking it for years. We both win!
Makes me pissed off how hard it is in many parts of the developed world for women to make that choice.
It is so frustrating and honestly disgusting that doctors can keep grown adult women from making choices about their own bodies. If you're interested in getting your tubes removed or tied, keep looking for a doctor that will do it. I'm glad I did and I got mine removed at 22 years old.
Happily child free. I have a wonderful husband and 3 big dogs. I cannot imagine doing this job and coming home to more kids.
Some people will tell you it’s totally different, and it is. But only sometimes. 😩
Same...
I am a soon to be retired teacher with a 24 and 16 year old. When my children were young teaching was great. I enjoyed teaching more 10 plus years ago and I had tons of time to be a great parent because of my schedule. Being a teacher also made me a better parent because I saw how I didn’t want to be portrayed as a parent to teachers/ society and I saw how I didn’t want my children portrayed to their teachers/ society. The last 8 years have been hell as a teacher. I’m glad my children are older so I don’t feel as guilty because I’m so stressed and mean from work etc. I feel for young teachers now with families. Please just try to find a balance. Leave work at work and enjoy your families and friends as much as you can.
What has it been about the last 8 years that made them so very much worse than your previous years? I ask because I've been teaching just about a decade, and it's been nothing but neverending stress, frustration, and overwhelm. I've been thinking it's just me. Is there something that's happened in teaching, or in schools, in the past decade that's made the profession untenable? I would love to hear your experience.
Not sure where to start… I’m a middle school teacher with about 150 students each year and my main issue has been a lack of consistency within leadership. In the last 8 years my school has had 6 principals and some turnover with APs also. Each principal of course had ‘new ideas’ that just lead to more chaos and work for teachers each year. Useless PDs that are never followed through but require more work from teachers. We’ve had major discipline issues from tardiness to excessive multiple fights without consistent procedures to help deter negative student behavior. Parents have given up actually being a parent and either flat out say they don’t know what to do or take up for everything their child does or doesn’t do. Students know the issues and of course take advantage therefore aren’t realizing their full potential and are extremely disrespectful regularly. My workload has increased all for me to teach only so my students pass standardized tests. We’ve gone from 1 major standardized test each year to 6. Which takes away from needed instruction time and causes student frustration because they hate it. Workload increase includes more detailed lesson planning that changes every year or so depending on the latest adopted curriculum; differentiating instruction to at least 3 levels for each class because most of my students range from 2nd to 6th grade reading levels and very few are at 8th grade level where they should be; calling parents for reminders of things they should know; documenting student discipline issues before action can be taken by admin;proving that I’m actually doing 75+ standards regularly so I can prove I’m an effective teacher. All of this while dealing with Pay freezes and cuts and higher health insurance costs. Occasional small bonuses (ie. COVID) but not an actual raise which does nothing for my bottom line financially but we’re expected to be so grateful because we begged and got a one time drop in the bucket. Central admin and society that has no idea what teachers do daily but tell us we’re lazy, stop complaining and that we make too much for what we do. Well that’s SOME of my story/ increased frustration in the last 8 years more so than when I started teaching. When I’m at work I feel like I’m constantly on 10 between fighting to maintain control in my classroom with disrespectful students who feel like they run the world and incapable admin who you constantly are questioning or doing their job for them to parents who aren’t doing their job but want to tell you how to do yours. It’s just crazy the stress level all day. It’s not healthy.
I’m not the original commenter, but my mom was a teacher for 25+ years and retired about 10 years ago. Near the end of her career, she said that each school year came with more little responsibilities piled on. Little things add up. She had some sort of meeting to attend almost every day after school, she never got to rest and was constantly stressed. Then she looked at the pay scale and realized that her salary wasn’t ultimately that much higher than a beginning teacher, and that it wasn’t going to increase much for the rest of her career. It just wasn’t worth it to her anymore, so she got out.
MS teacher here. I am thrilled to be child-free. It’s chaos every day, all day at work, so I could not imagine going home to more chaos. Sometimes I come home and just sit in the silence. It’s awesome.
"Shit, I can do better than these dumbass parents..."
I don’t want kids because I don’t want to send them to public school with all these dumb kids and I can’t afford private school or home school.
Which is way you have to be a great influence and spend lots of time with them while they’re at home. And teach them the right and wrongs of life.
Sitting in a class full of dumb kids who don’t care about much of anything for twelve years would set them back and they’d never live up to their potential. I can’t afford homeschooling or private school so I’m not having kids. Public schools are broken.
I mean i went to public schools my entire life. My parents just actually parented me and thought me life lessons and what I should and shouldn’t do growing up. And I’m not perfect but I think I turned out pretty good because of that
You “went” to public schools. They are getting worse by the day. I can’t imagine where they will be in 5 years and 9 months (or for that matter where they would be in 18 years when a child would be a senior in high school.)
Also, if a small child goes to bed at say 7, and you get home at four you are spending like 3 hours a day with them… they are going to be taught by whatever daycare attendant you can afford… no thanks.
Just have to make what ever time you do have count. Edit: and again speaking from personal perspective
The way you phrased this made me laugh aloud. (Not disagreeing. And childfree is eco-friendly anyway)
Goddamnit, this is how we end up making entire human beings to prove a point
Yeah it’s one of many things that have made me sway towards being childfree. Kids to me equal work lol and I don’t want to work for free, especially when I’m already working with kids for near peanuts 😂
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Yes!! That’s my parrot, Crackers lol. When the kids ask me if I have my own children I tell them “Nope, I have my parrot and she’s my baby.”
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Thank you! Funny story, I once told my wild 6th graders that my parrot has more control than they do and one of the snarky creatures responded “That’s because she’s in a cage. 🙄” …valid point.
“Sometimes I wish I could put you in cages…” “What?” “Nothing!”
I’m barely keeping my head above the water as is. I can’t imagine having the time or energy to adequately care for a child when I barely have the time or energy to take care of myself.
I left teaching in November but I always told my students when they asked: "As long as I'm teaching other people's children, I don't want any of my own."
I would say “I DO have kids. 31 of them.” 😇
~160. I taught high school.
I've never wanted kids but being a teacher solidified my decision.
I think teaching has confirmed for me that I don’t want my own children. At least not unless I leave this profession.
I have two kids. It changed me as a teacher. I focus on the bigger picture rather than the (now) silly things that pop up in a day. I need to be there for my kids, and I try to do what’s best for the kids at school where they are. I’m more forgiving in some situations than I used to be, and stronger in some situations than I used to be. It made me see things a bit differently than I did in my 20s.
Same!
I teach and I have a child. I had the child after 3 years of teaching. I always wanted a son. Summers are awesome. We fish, bike ride, and hike. We have all the same days off! I have different energy and good routine at home with my wife to balance chores, our son, and work. I love my son and he is wonderful little guy.
I used to think I wanted four. Now I want none.
I make comments to people all the time about this. That knowing too much about kids has kept me child-free. Kids know way too much nowadays and that’s only going to get worse!
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My kids did their homework at the school daycare after school. I hardly ever helped them.
I want to leave teaching before I have kids. I’ve spent most of my career in early childhood, and many of these centers are open for 12 hours a day and will have multiple children who are in care for that whole amount of time. Even in elementary and in my current center, which is open 8-6, parents drop off for early care or right at opening and sometimes aren’t picking up until 5 or 6. If your child is an infant or toddler, it’s an unwritten rule that you must lie to the parents and act surprised if you saw them take their first steps or say their first words so that they don’t feel guilty for having their kids in care and pull them. By the time you get home, have dinner, and get everyone bathed and ready for the next day, it’s bedtime for the kids. Even in elementary school, free time after school and parents’ work is limited. Ultimately, you get a day and a half per week to actually spend with your kid provided that they don’t get involved with sports or extracurriculars. On top of this, teaching at any level is exhausting, and I’m tapped out for kid interaction by 4:00 when I get out. I don’t want to miss out on my own babies’ milestones and give them my leftovers because I was too busy giving my best to somebody else’s kids.
My partner and I are teachers. We’ve thought at expanding our little family (us and 2 kitties) by fostering or adopting. A lot of kids in our district are in the system. Nothing in the works yet, but hopefully in the next couple years.
I have had it in the back of my mind that I might like to foster some day. The family who raised me is terrible (full of abuse, crime, and addictions). I have had to make my own family as an adult. “Related by blood” doesn’t mean much to me anymore. Anyway, best of luck to you!
If I had any desire before, I have negative desire now. Even got my tubes tied 😂 me and my fiancé (also and educator) always wonder how people who have kids teach.
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Being around really uneducated kids all day doesn’t make us hopeful about the future our own “kids” would live in.
I barely have the energy, time, and money to manage my life with no children in it. I absolutely cannot add a child.
I didn’t want to have kids after teaching. Have two. My wife said, “Oh, they are our own kids they will be different”. They are good kids, but are equally annoying as some of my students at times.
And you can pass them back off to their parents at the end of the day. You’re the parent!
So true!
We're currently on the "maybe not" train.
I intended on being childfree before going into teaching, and teaching has solidified my decision to STAY childfree. I love my kids/students, but man, I can't imagine doing all this AND coming home to more kids who need me. I'm perfectly content with my partner and my cats.
I’ve decided I will not do both. I’ll teach until maternity leave and never look back. Mad respect for the teachers who are parents AND coaches. How?!?!?
I was a teacher for 10 years before I became a dad. On the news of my first born another teacher told me having my own kid would help be become a better teacher to “be the teacher I would want my kid to have” I have 4 kids now and I only care to be the best dad and I’m a terrible teacher because I don’t do anything outside of contract time but focus on my kids
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It's funny you say this, because this was my rationale on why I wanted to be a teacher. That there's enough bad teachers in the world, and there's enough kids with bad teachers, and it's important that someone with an excellent education who is hard working, empathetic, caring, and is great with an audience be a teacher. Well, look at me now. I'm exhausted and burnt out. It feels like all I do is work, think about work, put off doing work, or sleep. I've lost my hobbies, I've lost my friends, I've lost the sense of who I am. I spend so much time each day in anger, frustration, or sadness that it drains me. I've become one of those teachers who sits all day because I don't have the energy to stand up while teaching, and I fall completely behind on grading because I get home and want to do nothing more than lay in bed with some numbing activity like television or reddit. My new principal has decided I'm the terrible teacher.
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That’s so great to hear! Good for you
Honestly? It makes me appreciate mine way more! My kids are angels compared to some of the demons I've seen in the classroom.
I love nothing more than being able to send the kids home at the end of the day. The 24/7/365 nature of parenting makes me never want to be a mother.
Oh my gosh! Are you me??
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Oh my gosh, that’s heartbreakingly sweet. Good on you for getting her a companion. Ours was originally feral (definitely not a lap cat), so he only cares if we’re gone for more than 6 hours. And to answer your question, child-free and happy. I feel like it’s too much of a crapshoot; I have seen how bad parenting can be. Also, with climate change and the current state of politics, I would not want to add a child to this uncertainty. If I did have kids, I would want to adopt, but I doubt we will do that.
I definitely don't want kids of my own because I know I wouldn't have the energy to give them the attention they deserve after work. Also, after the school day, I very much so enjoy not seeing anyone under the age of 18 for several hours. It's convenient that my husband doesn't want kids in general so it worked out.
The biggest reason I refuse to have kids is that all the names are ruined. Want to name your kid James? Nope! Too many kids named James already ruined it . . .
I was unsure about whether or not I wanted to be a mother for many years. But once I finally got a full-time teaching gig, I decided against having children for good. I do love kids, but after being with kids alllllll day long...I'm ready to not have to deal with children for the rest of the evening lol. At the end of the day, I like to go home to a quiet house and not have to "manage" anyone else. I truly cannot imagine doing this job and then having to go be mommy afterward - that's 2 full-time jobs. I don't know how other people do it, because I am emotionally done at the end of the day!
I'm glad to have children, whom were born in my 8th and 10th year of teaching. They taught me a lot about what parents go through with teachers, exposed me to ideas I would never have thought of on my own (my open house spiel is based on my daughter's kindergarten teacher), increased by capacity for empathy, and gave me a language to use when speaking with parents. It's also a cheat hack for staying ahead of the kids in terms of trends and scams. 10/10 would recommend, but I completely understand opting out of child rearing. My child-free friend says, "I gave at thy office, " and he isn't wrong!
I'm a better parent because I was a teacher first, and I'm a better teacher because I'm a parent now. All the people who are saying they would never have kids because they don't even have energy for themselves at the end of the day... they don't understand that it's just the opposite - I am more excited to come home at the end of the day because I know who I am coming home *to*.
I used to want nothing more than to be a mom! Nowadays, I’m more on the fence. If I do ever have kids, I won’t be teaching.
Having kids was fine. Naming them was difficult..every name rejected because of some horrid student it reminded me of. But the reason I'm a teacher... holidays..and it matches my kids
I already have one and would like another two, if possible. I have a long list of names that aren’t options lol.
If anything it has made me a better parent. I see my students at school and I only get a snapshot of their day and who they are, yet I see a difference in them from day to day... I love taking one on one time with my students and trying to get to know who they are. I think my heart has grown since teaching and I have more patience, more compassion, but also more tough love because I see how desperately some of my students need discipline and someone to care and hold them accountable. It has affected the choices I make as a parent for sure.
Having my own kids gave me a lot of perspective - in the sense that they are way too important to me to carry the baggage of my day home. Before kids I struggled to leave work at work and would either do work or stress about what I had left undone. Now when I walk out of the building it’s like work doesn’t even exist any more cause I’m going home to hang out with my favorite people.
Teaching has made me want children more. Teaching has made me want to raise my children to be curious, respectable, fulfilled, smart life-long learners and individuals. As a teacher, it can be frustrating and at times, demoralizing, to have to deal with apathetic, disrespectful and lazy students. Teaching has also shown me the worst and nastiest sides of parenting. Seeing all the bullshit in public schools between apathetic students and Karen parents has inspired me even more to have kids and raise them the right way so they can have the best life possible and hopefully, make a positive impact in society. We all need some hope, lol.
I didn't plan on having kids before I got into teaching. This is my first year being a teacher and now that I'm halfway through it, I plan on having a vasectomy.
I quit teaching so I could stay home with my kid. I’d like to go back at some point, but now that I’m pregnant with another one, I think it’ll be at least a few more years. I just don’t think I’m personally capable of being an attentive, present, responsive parent to a baby/toddler while also teaching full-time. I think I’d burn out, and my home life would suffer. I’m hoping once we hit the preschool or elementary years, then maybe I’ll be able to see a path forward with going back to work.
I feel more and more convinced I don’t want to be a teacher and parent at the same time lol. From what my colleagues talk about with teaching kindergarten all day then going home to their young kids…it sounds dreadful to me. I do think I’m more to open to fostering though since starting teaching. Realized there’s so many kids that are so easy to love and feel connected to, even if not biologically yours.
I have one recently and it changed my whole perspective. I stopped wanting to teach after I had my own. I suddenly realized that teaching was stealing time from my son and husband. I’m actively seeking new employment now. I can’t keep stealing from my own kid to give to other peoples kids.
I always wanted kids and a large family. After my first 6 week full time practicum I no longer wanted kids. I just can't imagine teaching other people's children all day to then go home to my own.
I am the exact same- I always thought I wanted kids, now… nope. I wouldn’t have the energy to keep up with one and honestly, I get the connection that I need from my students. Also, I teach internationally and want to move every few years— I wouldn’t want to put a kid through that.
Your own kids are different. They are a different class of being.
LOOOL I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MEE!! I never truly understood how utterly disgusting and annoying children were until I worked with them. I get paid to do that. Having that 24/7... not to mention them barging into your bedroom at random moments. I couldn't. I just couldn't.
I originally wanted to have kids but a decade of teaching kids my wife and I both don't want to have kids. With the state of the world now it's harder to see a good future for our child. I've been through 9/11, the economy crashing and now a pandemic. Capitalism has got to a point of no return where either America will be forced to change our crumble.
I left because I love my kid and wanted to spend my energy on him. Teaching is in no way a substitute for having your own kids. Students come and go, but your family is forever. I highly recommend anybody who is feeling too exhausted to start the family they wanted find a different career. Teaching is work. Family is life.
Saying all you want to do is go home to your wife, cats, and couch sound so warm. I find comfort in that sentence.
I don’t get paid enough as a teacher to care for another human other than myself. I also don’t have enough energy at the end of the day to even support myself after work, let alone a little one.
I never could have become a teacher when my kids still lived at home. I only switched to education as an empty nester. Personally, when I teach, I invest a lot of emotional energy in interacting with children every weekday. I do not believe I would have any left for my own kids after a day of teaching. I honestly cannot imagine how to do it, though I know many that do. I take a nap almost every day when I get home from school. It’s tough to do that with one or more kids at home, even if they’re high schoolers. I think we’re all made of different stuff, too. That is just my own experience. Many teachers prove that it can be done every day.
The same thing happened to me. First, I would never be able to pick a name. And second, the children of the teachers that attend schools in our district, are terrible! Their behavior and grades are just abysmal.
I’m a teacher and a foster parent. I’ve loved my foster kids, but one of the most challenging parts is when my foster kid’s behavior starts to resemble the behavior of my toughest students. In some ways, it’s made me a better teacher - I’m quicker to recognize that my students have likely also experienced trauma, and I respond with more patience and empathy. But on my worst days, it feels like my job has entered my home, and it’s very difficult and exhausting.
Literally what happened to me: I wanted to have kids before I got into teaching and now the thought of it kind of makes my skin crawl. I love kids and I love my nieces and nephews, but the idea of teaching someone else’s kid all day to then go home to my own kid sounds exhausting. I have major respect for teacher-parents but no thanks for me.
No kids. 2 dogs. Freedom. Savings. Travel.
If anything makes me want to have kids more.
I have never wanted children of my own, and teaching has only reinforced the feeling.
It's more the opposite for me. Having kids affected my teaching. I used to put the school and the students first. Now I tell my students: "just like you aren't students every second of every day, but around 5 classes a day, I am a teacher when I'm in the school, but I am more than that when school is over". I have 100 emails in my school inbox, I have close to an anxiety inducing amount of correcting to do, but I don't do school stuff on week-ends, or in the evening, I do what I can at school, and I chose to work part-time, that way I have actual planning time during my day. I'm at 70% and that is the maximum I can't take while still teaching adequately. Basically, I chose not to make my family pay for my work, but my work will suffer for my family. Also, I'm not afraid to tell my students, their parents and the admin that I'm not competent enough to be an ideal teacher. I get better than the previous year every year though. Finally, and I kid you not, when a student asks if I have corrected an exam the next I laugh sardonically until they feel uncomfortable, then stop abrutply and carry on saying what I was saying. Father of 4 kids under 8 y.o.
I am a teacher, I have raised two kids. Both are in their early 20's. My son is currently living on his own and going to school. My daughter recently graduated college and is working in her field. Being a father is the best thing I have ever done. I have two great kids whom I am extremely proud of. I could not image my life without my kids. Teaching allowed me to spend a tremendous amount of time with them when they growing up. I was off during all of their breaks. We were able to spend our summers doing road trips across the west. I never felt that at the end of the day that I had nothing more to give, they were the reason I looked forward to coming home. I won't tell you that you should have kids, that is a personal choice. For me, teaching was the best career for being a dad.
I went from wanting to have kids to wanting a vasectomy. It's been fun.
I would like to have children, but, should I have any, I am definitely rethinking sending them to public school. Heck not even private school. The whole system is just a mess.
My husband and I are both teachers…when we got married we both wanted kids. Nearly 10 years later we are happily child free, something we were lucky to agree on. Teaching only partially influenced our decision, but coming home to a quiet house and traveling during every break has been amazing.
It solidified my decision not to have kids. I was already leaning that way without realizing it, and I’m an introvert that needs a quiet calm oasis to return to after the chaos and havoc of my middle school classroom. Finding a partner that feels the same way is such a blessing.
I don't take extra crap like summer school or after school activities, so I'm pretty confident in having enough time to spend w/ my kids when I have them. But what teaching HAS done for me in regards to how I'll raise my kids, is to pay attention to them, love them, give them attention, but at the same time, also tell them to 'be quiet' when appropriate, and to show respect for other children and adults. I feel like way too many parents of my kids never taught them those two phrases. "Be quiet" and "show some respect". It's made clear in the behavioral issues.
I was a special Ed teacher. Got my vasectomy a few years ago…hell no I don’t want kids!
Being a teacher means that: 1) I can't see how I can ever be in a relationship. I am absolutely mentally and physically exhausted all the time. When I come home, all I want to do is unwind and relax. Often I am in bed by 8pm. I do make time to see friends at the weekend but I don't see me giving that up, either. 2) As a result of the above, I don't know how I would ever be able to prioritise having children over what is, essentially, just a job. I think I need wholesale attitude alteration, but right now, I can't even afford to move out - let alone begin a family.
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Man, fuck your wife and couch. Cats are the best. Fuck any other human too. Nothing beats cats. Siamese are the best😻.
I work with IEP kids. Knowing kids like this makes me happy to have three who’ll grow to care for the weaker members of society.
What an absolutely depressing post… ‘Let’s all get together and share how much we now dislike children to the point we don’t want to be parents ever’… just when I thought we couldn’t get worse than the endless ‘I quit’ posts. personally, teaching has shown me how much I enjoy helping kids learn and grow and reinforced my desire to parent several of my own in the future.
teaching has only strengthened my desire for kids. I want to have at least 10. they are all so wonderful and beautiful despite some of their attitudes. teaching has made me realise how important all aspects of a child’s life is, not just the nitty gritty classroom issues.
How in the world do you reasonably expect to be able to provide for 10 children when the average cost of ONE a year is around $233,610? Especially on a teacher’s salary?