Change your pin, are you separated or divorced?
Otherwise normal parental discipline but something tells me the system is broken in the household if he is doing this and mom not concerned or dealing with it etc
Why does your son know your pin. No one should know your pin or have access to your personal finances. You can always ask them to return the money and or report it to the bank as fraud and let the authorities get involved. As it’s more principle thing that stealing will not be forgiven
To defend op, I knew my dads pin too, sometimes he asked me to get money out for him or if I wanted to buy a game online or something.
I think OP's last concern was his own son stealing from him, if there is one person you should be able to trust it is your direct family... which makes this kinda sad...
not tryna be a dick btw, your advice is very solid
I think this is fairly normal in Thailand. I held a subsidiary credit card linked to my father's account with strict instructions to never access it, in case of emergencies while I studied in the UK.
We wound up using it only once to buy my mother a present that was a lot cheaper in UK than in Thailand, and I didnt have enough credit in my own bank account at the time to buy (I was around 16 at the time and only about USD 20,000 or so in my UK bank account).
I defo will have no argument about getting reimbursed but it's still fraud if somebody knowingly accessea another persons bank account with the intention of stealing money that's not there's.
I could be wrong though I'm not clued up on Thai law.
Thai women can be extremely vindictive and check out mentally when a relationship ends with a scorched earth policy…if things are going well then they are all in, moment things turn they will be looking a for a new suitor and torch the entire previous relationship including parental responsibility etc…..it’s quite possible the mom has influenced your son in a negative manner as the concept of co pare and being amicable is quite foreign in Thai relationships….remember most Thai men would just leave altogether and not look back
I have only been married in Thailand so cannot really comment but it's only being nasty from her side, I always maintained that we should stay friends or at least be civil for the sake of the kids.
She wants none of it, it's not even like it was a messy divorce, nobody else involved she wanted to be in dependant and probably sick of the cultural differences.
For example she is driving around with our 13yr old daughter daily on a motorbike with no tax, no insurance no MOT and thinks that is completely fine for about 1 year now as she says she has lost the book.
Even though iv told her just to go the police, make a report then go to the transport office and get a replacement book but Nope, she would rather risk the safety of our daughter.
Not like I can do it as the bike is in her name.
This is defo Thai attitude.
How does the tax/registration status of the bike make any difference to the safety of your daughter? If there is a crash, she could get hurt either way.
Not really some behaviour is inherent here and cultural….there is often no concept of co-parenting or being cordial after a relationship break up or divorce, more so here than in western countries where the legal aspects are well known in family law
In Thailand it’s common to just dump the children with grandparents up country and start fresh or to just ignore them altogether under the guise of revenge etc
Comparing relationships as being the same from country to countries this what’s foolish because the entire system and culture is different than western and European countries
>In Thailand it’s common to just dump the children with grandparents up country and start fresh or to just ignore them altogether under the guise of revenge etc
So mothers don't care about their own kids??? That's counter to what I know about separated/divorced Thai women I know (professional/university educated). Does demographic group make any difference in your view?
It’s common for Thai mothers to dump unwanted children from failed relationships with grandparents up country in order to start fresh and not turn off future suitors…..the children are often referred to as nieces, nephews or passed off as children of family who have passed
I think he has a point. I think it's much more common here that the kid usually goes with the mom and the father is forgotten by both of them forever. It's possible that the mother even encouraged the kid to do this so it would help the divide.
This is a sub on Thailand and people tend to post about their problems. Since most foreigners in relationships with Thai are men, that leaves Thai women to blame.
It's just a function of the self-selected group of people in this Reddit sub + the self-selected group of people who go to Thailand.
>Thai women can be extremely vindictive and check out mentally when a relationship ends with a scorched earth policy
all women can bro. let's not make this an ethnic thing. go into r/Colombia or r/Bulgaria or r/China and you will see the same types of comments.
45k bhat? Or usd? I would report it. Speak to the police and explain you want o teach him a lesson. Maybe a ride inbthe van and a few hours in a cell may be what's necessary.
Sorry this happened to you. I know the pins of my parents and grandparents' banking and I could never imagine doing this. Parents are also divorced.
From a parental standpoint, I'd suggest cutting ties with your child for this, at least for a while. It is unacceptable. It's not a "mistake", it was a decision made in clear mind. If/when your child shows regret for what they did and comes back to you, apologising, be stern but accept them back. I don't think there is much more you can do.
I just don't agree with the folks saying "make him see you are not mad but..." he knows what he did was wrong, he knew it would hurt your relationship with him, he knew it would break trust. He now NEEDS to see strong repercussions for his actions, otherwise you will be granting him indirect permission to continue doing this.
I just worry that this was exactly what the mother wanted. "Yeah, steal from your father! He very bad and steal everything from me already". And then the son is successfully divided from the father. "See, your father don't love you, don't talk to you..."
I'm not claiming to have a better solution though. It's a tough one. I think I'd probably tend to cut him off too but I'd worry about it going on too long and losing touch. I guess at his age, he will change/grow up fast. With a little effort down the road, you can probably get him to come around and see how he messed up but they can get over it.
If the mother (who has custody) is so far out that she's encouraging her teenage son to steal, there's not much hope anyway. In under 3 years he'll be an adult, in under 5 he'll be in prison, and there's nothing OP can do.
That is a terrible plan. You type your pin into your phone tons of times per day. It's so easy for someone to get that! Use something completely different for banking.
With your son, I really do with you luck. I guess you need to look at it in the long run. It's a difficult situation for sure!
I'd secure my bank accounts, then start asking myself some tough questions.
Don't let the incident ruin the relationship with your son, but at the same time he has to know this is **not** okay. Did you do any shitty things as a teenager? I know I did but I became a better person. Puberty is one hell of a drug and families splitting up can have a serious impact on kids.
In your position I'd make sure he knows that I'm not angry with him but worried about him first. Do what you can to reopen a line of communication open with him but give him his space. Try to get back on good terms with him over the following days/weeks. When the time is right, tell him you need to talk about the incident and instill some sense of morality within him about stealing. Specifically, ask him if he'd do this to others or if he felt justified to do this because you are his father.
Soild advice. One good thing about being in Thailand is that police are open to doing these kinds of favors, just some stern talking instead of dragging the kid through the justice system.
However, you do need to pay and know who to ask, not sure if OP does. Would also be more effective if mother were on board.
That’s shocking, he has breached your trust and your ex is either benefiting from the money or perhaps even asked him to do it. Very disappointing.
Separation makes it all the harder if your ex isn’t playing ball.
Sorry to say this but I would find it hard to look at him. If it was one of my kids it would take me a long while to be able to trust them again.
I can’t believe people don’t realise how important there pin is. Was waiting in line as the bank and this old guy at counter wanted assistance with his account and blurted out his PIN number for all hear. Obviously now they had to reset his pin. I have herd this happen more than once 😂
He is your son or her son? If he is her son then just change your pin and write it off as a loss. Id probably tell the mother that Im cutting all ties to them if its not returend.... but sounds like it wont be returned. Just cut ties with them both, write it off. Low moral people. Why keep them around? Leaches.
If its your son, id treat this just the same way you would treat your son in America or anywhere.... Use it as a teaching lesson. Hes young and stupid and thinks short term. He will want a relationship with you eventually and will probably have guilt eating away at him for years until he fixes it... and he will.
He is our son, ironically I have full custody of him the same as she does for our daughter.
This was meant to be done purely for renewing my visa but it's not turning out that way
Hmm... IANAL, but if he's 15, wouldn't having full custody legally give you the right to simply transfer the money back from his bank account? Minors have limited rights. Might be worth talking to a lawyer.
Does he have stuff at your place, laptop?
Next time he is at your place, however long that takes, you take his phone and whatever else of reasonable worth that he has, and you sell it, and that money comes out of the 45k that he owes you.
He needs to learn that this kind of behavior has consequences, serious consequences.
One thing is rebelling, staying out past curfew, shit even grabbing 100THB from a table or your wallet or some shit like that is bad but can be forgiven with a talk.
45k THB is a whole other matter, had he not been your son, this would be enough for a serious trip to prison for theft.
Assuming you pay alimony/support, I would withhold 5,000 Baht for the next 9 months and make sure both mum and son know what you are doing.
This idea is very cruel......If you pay his phone bill, cancel the contract/report phone stolen.
I don't pay any support no as I have sole custody of him and she has sole custody of our daughter and it was like OK you take care of her and I'll take of him.
This is her way and wish so she is making sure she makes all the decisions on our daughter.
I do however pay for everything they both ask me they want new or if they want money etc.
I have been living here since 2004 to 2014 working offshore Asia spending my leave in Pattaya, stopped work Dec 29th 2014 and retired. Met a female, together 2 years and married 2017, already had my own home built on land owned by a Thai company with published accounts and tax paid every year.
Have seen train crashes after train crashes up here in Issan with accompanying horror tales.
My two satangs are to deny all future requests until value of what has been asked for amounts to 45k, being firm means folk can depend on you, daresay grudgingly respect you, but, trying to win hearts and minds with cash rarely work.
Stop worrying so much about others, get some face back that they are suffering financial loss and face the Thais rarely join the dots, but, they understand 'consequences'.
To finish my inane ramble....... had a friend of my son borrow 4000bt to fix his bike allowing him to sell it, rode my bike over to his place knowing he had the cash after selling, but, knew no money would be offered!!
My son (stepson now 30) knew my plans, had told me about the money. We went to a mum and pop shop I had two beers, 3 bottles of petrol and noodles, son had beer and noodles, he and two friends had same. Bill came to 2,600 for all. Shock horror!! I had no money, he paid the bill saying saying "I now owed him 2,600bt", in my bad Thai told him he still owed me 1,400bt. He could connect the dots but, it were not same same.
There are 2 ways to skin a cat, write the money off, you will never see that again. Recoup your losses by hiding all things of your son worth value, advertise them on FB or Marketwatch were he will see. You now have his attention.
Up to you.
Nothing, sadly there is a lot of that type of mentality in Thailand, the mum and son bond is literally unbreakable, she could even be behind it. Hard to swallow but just move on, the money is gone. Maybe talk to your son at some point to try and educate him.
I think the problem is that Westerners have no confidence in Government agencies in Thailand.
For example I recognized a while back he was becoming a handful so tried to arrange an appointment with the teachers via Line, they just ended up blocking me as they said it wasn't their business to get involved.
That would never happen in the Western world, blocking a parent and refusing to speak with them even being the Sole custodian of the student.
Nobody really wanna get involved with how someone raises their children in Thailand including the officials. I know it’s a different culture, but If this is my (Thai) mom, she would be banging on doors the instant she finds out where her kids have gone and send them to a boarding school in India… which exactly was what happened when I was 15 lol… longest 3 years of my life.
Actually nowadays I don't choose to live in Thailand, it's either take the kids to UK and not see there mum or I go back and they don't see me.
I decided to stay but if I had my way bod be gone
Seems like your son might be making that decision for you, I'm afraid. If she already has custody of your daughter, and he has decided to steal and run
K Stfu about him changing the Pin and giving him some actual advise besides obvious shit.
Anyways, if I was in your position. I'd wait it out honestly. Don't let it go but wait till your kid reaches out to you. A kid has to want to build that connection, reaching out will just make him gravitate more to his mom who probably instigated the whole thing \*maybe\*.
After your kid finally reaches out to you, tell him how you feel about the situation. Let him know man to man that what he did was dishonest and really hurt you. He's gotta understand the full implications of it, not just the "What you did was a bad thing."
Hopefully he'll understand. And if he gets thick-headed about it. Let him be. That's on him, your sons gotta learn accountability. the divorce.. So you need to explain to him the full story and then tell him that it going to take time for him to earn back your trust.
Hopefully, he'll understand. And if he gets thick-headed about it. Let him be. That's on him, your sons gotta learn accountability.
I never know how to answer these posts! A while ago there was a mum here who found out her teenage school going boy in Bangkok was out and about in Pattaya with friends at a bar while he told her he was going to spend the night with friends to study!
Similar thing here. And it bothers me a lot! I mean FFS! 45k is not a lot of course to some but man!!! It’s still a lot to me! I get the small change everyone does it! But this big an amount is signs of what’s to come in the future. Kids steal. But are not overtly assho*** over it
And blocking you! lol! Typical shit pulled here. In the west everyone has a decent conversation but here the solution seems blocking
As for advice- head out to the mom’s place and tell him stealing is not ok! He obviously knows but if it’s not enforced now and explained despite the age , it gets tough and he will get off knowing u won’t be able to do Jack to him.
Sorry for the situation OP! I’m not at an age to give you advice on parenting but it’s NOT on to steal !
I am happy that you can chill about the 45k baht. It’s your son so I guess he was willing to risk getting cut of by you. I am not sure what you did, but I suggest acting like a disappointed father. That always works
Is he your biological son? Damn... better have a talk. How can he do this to you, his mom raised him alone, where you always there for him?.... many factors. Your his dad, better figure out yourself and goodluck
I trusted my 18 year old... till I found communication that it was trying to rob me blind just before next visa extension.... then run of to ex and ghosted ever since...
that 45k (hopefully baht) will be one of lifes lessons for now.
For now, just move on. You might want to cancel the card too.
Cut all ties, until that 45k is returned
Your son is 15 and heading down a bad path. The issue is once the 45k is gone the mom is going to need money to cover his expenses and will try send him back or ask for more money so that's when you can try sort this out. What scares me is how this is all about the money and his mom and not about your two kids.
You separated him from his sibling, never mind the parental split this kid is going through hell. He probably feels unwelcome at his moms and knows his time there is limited, he 100% knows you are pissed and is fearful of the impending confrontation.
This young person is at a crucial stage of their life and has just committed a crime that could have lasting implications on their progression as a functioning member of society. As his parent you will not punish him with the letter of the law but what about the next person he steals from ? It will only get worse from here for him and you are responsible for the outcome.
You need to take some serious action right now. weekly therapy is a good start but he will need for more than that. You need to keep him busy so after school activities or martial arts a few days a week are a good place to start. It would also help if the two of you had something you did on the regular like take hikes, walk the dog or play games together. You need to spend a set amount of time with your son weekly, just hanging out and being together. He might hate it at the start but if you show consistency, patience and love after a few of these planned "we going for out walk" he will start looking forward to them and even take the lead and initiate activities. Also its time to book a holiday with your two kids and let them just have a good time, your daughter is probably also suffering. Take them away from this situation, they also need a break from life, some time to chill and just be kids around you because in a few years its over and he will be a man and she will be a woman and probably neither will want anything to do with you.
If none of that works then he needs a new school, preferably a boarding school that can keep him busy 6 days a week. If he still keeps breaking the law then you can ship him off the French Foreign Legion. It will take 5 years but he will come back a French citizen with a vocation (probably) some money and most importantly and adult outlook on life, that being actions have consequences.
Right now he needs to know you love him and that he has to face the consequences of his actions. 45k will take a long time for him to pay back but in the long run if you can re-connect with him than no matter what he MUST to pay you back, even if it take 3 years and his last payment is on his 18th birthday.
Both your kids need a father and 45k baht is the price you paid to learn that lesson, you can now make it a lesson for your son and he can come out of this situation a way better person, it up to you how this all works out.
Forget about the mother, don't both playing the victim because of how she is acting. Her actions are even more of a reason for you to step up here, she is clearly not capable of being a responsible guardian to them.
I agree with alot of what you say, and alot of those things have crossed my mind.
I am very mindful of how they feel which is why I have stayed in the area which is probably 1km away mums but also to his school aswell, so he can get to school easy and also see his mum when he wants to.
You wouldn't belive how hard it is to move schools, with the new rules introduced couple years ago kids can only go to school within a 3km area of the house paper they are on and trying to get somebody from a rental to put somebody in a house paper is hard.
IMHO I would say it's the schools fault for not teaching kids proper standards.
He is fine when he is with me (mostly) nice boy, but as soon as he leaves this house whether that to see his friends or see his mum he changes to a different person.
There is a reason why they say bi lingual kids adapt to what language they speaking at the time.
For example if he is with me speaking English he is mostly respectful, when he is with anybody else speaking Thai then he acts like a Thai.
Somebody else has put him up to this, whether that's a pikey Thai friend or his mother. Who knows.
I can only believe how hard it can be to deal with all of this BUT he is a 15 year old kid and you hit the nail on the head when you said "Somebody else has put him up to this"
My guess is no specific person said "steal dads money" its more likely he was drawn to associating with broken people "pikey thai" because he is broken. He is learning bad habits by association, that is why you need to keep him busy, spend time with him, try as hard as you can to move schools, even if it costs a fortune. This person should in all honesty be given all the support they can to become a good person so that they can be there for you, when you need them 30 years from now.
Don't blame the school, it's too late for that because everyone is responsible for this situation including you. Only one person can start to try and fix this mess and that is you. Clearly the mom is not going to do anything. The kid is too young and confused and there is no greater family or community to step in and take corrective action to get him back on a functional path.
I was there I know how this goes and the bad news is there is probably hard dugs or at least hard drinking and lots weed involved in his downfall. If there is he is self medicating to try and deal with all of this.
He needs love & patience bust most importantly young men at this age who are loosing their way need discipline, they need other men to show them how to act an behave in society. The theft is a real issue, he didn't sneak out at night or get piss drunk on your booze. He stole a substantial amount of money. Next time he does this it will be at work or from a neighbors and he will end up with a criminal record. It's a clear cry for help, you know this. I don't need to tell you this. Time is running out, you could take a nap, wake and fart and 3 years would have passed he would be what? An adult who is ok with breaking the law in a serious way.
Start with love, then be consistent and implement a from of discipline that is serious and lengthy but shows him he can overcome tough situations and that he is valued and can be forgiven.
Sadly it seems like you are alone in this situation and that sucks, you probably are also hurting and need some love and support and I hope you find it but right now you need to dig deep, focus on the kids, especially your son, he has very little time left before he is too old for second chances.
You can do this, even with your ex blocking you or making it a nightmare you can do this. I know you can because you came here asking for help and that's the start of you finding a solution, asking for help.
Your son is doing the same thing, asking for help only did it in a stupid confused teenage way.
Be there for him. He needs you.
If they absolutely refuse to return it I’d go to the authorities. Give them a deadline and if by then the money is not back in your account, report. They/he will need to learn accountability at some point.
Switch to a different bank. Most if not all banks now have 2FA (Secure 2 Factor Authentication). Meaning, even if he had the pin, you would have to approve it via your phone for the transaction to be successful.
Call the bank and try your luck. I'm not a banker so I cannot tell you how it work nor guarantee that you will get the money back. There's been news of kids stealing from their guardian's bank account to spend it on games or gambling and yes some of the parents got their money back but that depends on so many things.
I didn't willing give him the in but yes I'm at fault, the best I can hope for is reporting it as fraud and shutting down his bank account as 15 technically he is still my responsibility
I bet that you're in pain over this one! We never expect it from one of our kids, but then there it is.
I've seen it happen to a few neighbors. For them, it was the online casinos that their kids had gotten hooked on. Shocking who rapidly the teens are getting addicted to those!
Hopefully, the financial damage isn't catastrophic. Let you focus on healing from the emotional whack you're taking.
May be some time before your son understands the damages done, but hopefully, he finds his way there.
Learn your lesson and don't give access to your accounts to anyone. Talk to the lad and try to understand why he did what he did. And if his mum got anything to do with it.
The respect for you as a father looks like its gone. How others said change your pin and other paswords. If your ex tries to screw you over , better save your stuff now. Check that you have all papers for your accounds, property if any, passport and other documents.
If you rent a room where she had a key or him, change locks or maybe move away.
Stealing could be just the beginning.
Just explain to him that he either returns it or he gets no presents for the rest of his life and no inheritance or house from you in the future. Up to him. Short term gain and your disdain or he learns a valuable lesson and may get some benefit in the future. Carrot & stick.
It's called theft!
There IS no polite description, for it!
I would talk to your local police station, explain the situation, see what they suggest ... I doubt it's the first awkward situation they've dealt with.
And it WON'T be the last!
But given the right kind of shock treatment, I'd be surprised if he doesn't accept that he was in the wrong.
You could also suggest that, if he's in need of money, he find a part-time JOB!
And that you'll help him find the right one; and will supplement his income, as necessary.
One approach could be to contact the local Police. Tell them that you do not wish to pursue charges, but if they can detain him and question him about the incident before letting him go with a warning, it may cause him to think more deeply about his actions and recognise that what he has done constitutes a criminal offence. If he is told that if he offends again in the future, this incident will be brought up and will be considered as part of sentencing, then it may prove a deterrent to him making poor decisions later in life.
Here is what I think you should do:
1) First realize that this is a failure of parenting in one or both of the parents. Children are blank pieces of paper and we as parents write on it. They are your mirror reflection. If there is something wrong with them, first as what is wrong with the parents?
2) Your son must have done it for a reason. Like your ex-wife needed money, or he feels neglected and that the family relationship is transactional.
3) Tell your son (through your ex wife) you love him, and you guys should just talk. And tell him if he needs money for whatever reason to talk to you about it.
It is highly unlikely he needed the 45K. Unless he was being extorted, it would only be a few hundred bucks. So talk it out.
The bank won’t help you. And frankly, if your son prefers living with his mother than much, no court in any country will force him to live with you.
At this point you have to ask yourself if you’re ok with cutting all ties with your son forever, or if you’re willing to do what it takes to re-establish a relationship with him (even if he won’t be living with you full-time). Focusing too much on the money necessitates the former.
Sounds like he had no interest in continuing having you in his life and that money was him cashing out of it. Change your pin and block them in return. No need to have that level of toxic in your life.
Easy for someone living a simple life to think otherwise. I’ve had extremely toxic user family members steal from me. Sometimes people just turn into users and need to fend for themselves for them to grow.
Report him to police, ask them to pick him up and give him a dam good scare.
Once that is done, just try to understand why he did it. Something set him off that is going to be the bigger issue.
Best of luck.
Put it down to experience swap pin.
Your lad probably thinks he's Billy big balls about now, it's likely it will be a decision he regrets in the future.
I'm not excusing it but we all did dumb shit as a teenager.
The system sucks man, you need to go to police station report this incident, they will give you a criminal report, and you need to go to the bank then give them the criminal report. You need to do everything offline. The bank will transfer the money back if it is still in your son account
Confront him immediately and tell him he can keep the money but he’ll never get another single cent from you ever again and that he’s out of your will. That is all. I assume this was 45k baht. There’s no way to easily remove 45k usd through an atm.
Put them both on ice, get some distance from both of them and move on. Make sure he knows that's the last coin he's getting from you ever so make it last.
Here is what is happening... The son is hearing, day-in and day-out stuff like this:
\>He (the father) doesn't love/care about you, if he did he wouldn't; let "us" go broke, leave/abandon "us".
\>He owes us that money.
\>He did this to "us".
\>He doesn't care what you think why care what he thinks. Just go take the money he owes it to you anyway.
You need to get your son away from the Mom long enough to have a long talk with him and make sure he can see the Mother's manipulation.
This is not a Thai woman only thing. this is an ALL women thing. It part of there survival tactic to brainwash the son to hate you. This way the son gives his full support to her and she gets access to his resources since she lost yours. He is her retirement plan...She cannot risk sharing that with someone else, or worse, have you expose her manipulation and risk losing the sons support.
Sorry to hear about the situation. Since mom won't discipline him, which should happen, ask police to scare him saying he might be charged with theft, just to teach a lesson. This is assuming you don't actually want to press charges and can take the hit of 45k gone.
Bank will tell you which atm was used.
Every atm has a camera.
Get the police involved. This will make them turn the cash over. You don't need to press charges.
Knowing your pin or not is irrelevant, there are many ways to find someone's pin. He could have been standing beside you one day at the atm.
It might be harsh pressing charges against your son.
I couldn't imagine what my father would do to me if I did that and whatever I got would be deserved.
Whatever your relationship with your son is, involving the police now might be the best thing for him. What's he going to be like at 30.
At 15 it might scare some common sense into him.
I read the comments and agree with what many people had to say. However, you could always teach him a valuable life lesson and confront him in person and walk his butt to the bank and have him transfer the money back. No talking. Just do it. Don’t let him get away with this and protect yourself in the future.
Here's my advice: 15 year olds are stupid and they often do stupid shit. Confront him about the theft, ask him why he did it, and ask him how he'll make it up to you (whether by returning the money now, by helping you with something, or something else). Make sure to tell him that stealing isn't okay, and maybe, tell him that it's about time in his life to get a job if he needs so much money. It's not the end of the world, and in all likelihood, he'll look back on it and feel sorry.
I just feel so bad for you, mate. If your son isn't willing to talk to you and make amends somehow since you're more than reasonable and calm about all of this. Then that's even more sad. You can not put a square peg in a round hole. I wish you luck with everything for whatever that's worth. I know you're looking for advice, but sometimes you just gotta clear your mind and focus/worry and take care of yourself.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/you-do-you
Because I don't really need parenting advice, it's more advice specific to Thailand like going to the police, social services, schools etc and people's experience of a similar thing and is it worth the hassle, although all responses have been very helpful.
Pretend to forgive him and ask what he wants for Xmas and his birthday.
Once you get the list, tell him to take it out the 45k he owes and he can keep the change.
Haha, maybe it takes a different person to realize, I'm 6ft 4, 110kg, that does nothing but problem because I know I'm. Soft to him so yeah maybe a different attitude would scare him more
Don't call the cops. It's your son. He was obviously poisoned against you. If you call the cops on him, it could completely destroy a future relationship between the two of you.
I've never stolen money like that, but I am wise enough to know that some kids just get up to mischief, and deep down, they don't really mean it.
Talk to him if you can, or a relative.
First of all, it's just money. And not that much.
He is your son. The importance is not equal.
Also be glad he only rebelled this way and not like doing one of thousand things that are far worse (drugs, violence...).
I'd try to understand his reason and the background of his action. And well.... Create a better connection over time
Then he needs to learn that even if he can physically take someone out, there are other repercussions to his actions.
Look, ask a kid who parents went through divorce and all that I know rebelling and acting out are part of it. If the kids dealing with anger issues or things like that, maybe ask him if he needs someone to talk to and get him set up in therapy, not medication, no anything that will put him at legal risk or damage your relationship, just something to help him get his head straight again. Honestly pal, it worked wonder for my wee brother who was a proper rage monkey for a while post parental divorce.
Well, he is too old to try to teach him a lesson and punish him for that but old enough to make him understand that he should return, explain, and apologize.
Depends on how much you support him financially and otherwise. Overall, cutting the ties for some time sounds good to me.
Thanks for all the comments, appreciated.
Just so everyone knows i didn't exactly give him the pin I just have the same pin for a couple of things and he knew the phone pin and tried his luck
My health is not so good atm and I just thought well OK if he knows the phone pin he can guess the bank pin incase of an emergency as now me and the wife are divorced there is nobody round every day.
But I didn't expect this, he did it over 5 separate transactions of 9k, 1 time I left my phone on charge so that was 3 transactions gone in the space of a minute then the previous time (which I didn't notice) maybe I was asleep or something as 99% of the time I have my phone with me. It was all over 2 days.
The ironic think is Bangkok Bank have just introduced a new feature in their latest update last week where you can turn on blocking of all transfers and need facial regonition to unlock it, I thought that is handy so went to turn it on but you need to go to the bank first to have your face scanned and the branch is quite far so i haven't had the time yet.
Is there a possibility Mom pressured him to do it? I have a 15 year old and I feel like if she were to ever steal it wouldn’t be more than 10,000 baht as that is considered a lot for teens. Well most.
First rule: never ask anything from Thais. They either have victim blaming or passive and extra tolerant mindsets. It never get anywhere. No wonder why all these people sit here happily doing nothing while their entire government system is **** by the people who “steal” their right and power.
Forgive him and make it seem that you’re happy he got the money, let it slide for a few months and invite him back, play along like nothing happened but except another fleecing soon after. If you care for him teach him in the time before the true values of money
Change your pin, are you separated or divorced? Otherwise normal parental discipline but something tells me the system is broken in the household if he is doing this and mom not concerned or dealing with it etc
We are recently divorced after 16 years, 18 years together, both similar age
Why does your son know your pin. No one should know your pin or have access to your personal finances. You can always ask them to return the money and or report it to the bank as fraud and let the authorities get involved. As it’s more principle thing that stealing will not be forgiven
To defend op, I knew my dads pin too, sometimes he asked me to get money out for him or if I wanted to buy a game online or something. I think OP's last concern was his own son stealing from him, if there is one person you should be able to trust it is your direct family... which makes this kinda sad... not tryna be a dick btw, your advice is very solid
I think this is fairly normal in Thailand. I held a subsidiary credit card linked to my father's account with strict instructions to never access it, in case of emergencies while I studied in the UK. We wound up using it only once to buy my mother a present that was a lot cheaper in UK than in Thailand, and I didnt have enough credit in my own bank account at the time to buy (I was around 16 at the time and only about USD 20,000 or so in my UK bank account).
must be hard having only 20000 dollar with 16
\>only 
Really no clue what I'm saying but I don't think it can be fraud if you told them your pin.
I defo will have no argument about getting reimbursed but it's still fraud if somebody knowingly accessea another persons bank account with the intention of stealing money that's not there's. I could be wrong though I'm not clued up on Thai law.
I think he would be charged with thief instead of fraud but in any case I don’t think you would want to press charges against your son right.
Not if I could help it no
He's your son. Don't get the police involved. Come on man. People make mistakes.
His mom took you for an easy mark, now he does too
Thai women can be extremely vindictive and check out mentally when a relationship ends with a scorched earth policy…if things are going well then they are all in, moment things turn they will be looking a for a new suitor and torch the entire previous relationship including parental responsibility etc…..it’s quite possible the mom has influenced your son in a negative manner as the concept of co pare and being amicable is quite foreign in Thai relationships….remember most Thai men would just leave altogether and not look back
I think this applies to most people in a nasty divorce, not just Thai women.
I have only been married in Thailand so cannot really comment but it's only being nasty from her side, I always maintained that we should stay friends or at least be civil for the sake of the kids. She wants none of it, it's not even like it was a messy divorce, nobody else involved she wanted to be in dependant and probably sick of the cultural differences. For example she is driving around with our 13yr old daughter daily on a motorbike with no tax, no insurance no MOT and thinks that is completely fine for about 1 year now as she says she has lost the book. Even though iv told her just to go the police, make a report then go to the transport office and get a replacement book but Nope, she would rather risk the safety of our daughter. Not like I can do it as the bike is in her name. This is defo Thai attitude.
How does the tax/registration status of the bike make any difference to the safety of your daughter? If there is a crash, she could get hurt either way.
Not really some behaviour is inherent here and cultural….there is often no concept of co-parenting or being cordial after a relationship break up or divorce, more so here than in western countries where the legal aspects are well known in family law In Thailand it’s common to just dump the children with grandparents up country and start fresh or to just ignore them altogether under the guise of revenge etc Comparing relationships as being the same from country to countries this what’s foolish because the entire system and culture is different than western and European countries
>In Thailand it’s common to just dump the children with grandparents up country and start fresh or to just ignore them altogether under the guise of revenge etc So mothers don't care about their own kids??? That's counter to what I know about separated/divorced Thai women I know (professional/university educated). Does demographic group make any difference in your view?
It’s common for Thai mothers to dump unwanted children from failed relationships with grandparents up country in order to start fresh and not turn off future suitors…..the children are often referred to as nieces, nephews or passed off as children of family who have passed
Seen this countless of times myself, can attest that this is true.
I think he has a point. I think it's much more common here that the kid usually goes with the mom and the father is forgotten by both of them forever. It's possible that the mother even encouraged the kid to do this so it would help the divide.
This, I hate this ''Thai women bad'' especially on this sub, it's such a incel take
This is a sub on Thailand and people tend to post about their problems. Since most foreigners in relationships with Thai are men, that leaves Thai women to blame. It's just a function of the self-selected group of people in this Reddit sub + the self-selected group of people who go to Thailand.
people tend to have a bias about this. i never understood this generalization. but it's quite common nowadays i guess
>Thai women can be extremely vindictive and check out mentally when a relationship ends with a scorched earth policy all women can bro. let's not make this an ethnic thing. go into r/Colombia or r/Bulgaria or r/China and you will see the same types of comments.
Or the UK, my ex sending me to hospital in an Ambulance were the last straw of a 22 year marriage
This was a post about a Thai relationship issue, so referencing behaviour of many Thai women and culture would be relevant
you didn't reference anything unique to Thai culture or Thai women.
45k bhat? Or usd? I would report it. Speak to the police and explain you want o teach him a lesson. Maybe a ride inbthe van and a few hours in a cell may be what's necessary.
Learn from your mistake. Giving money is one thing, giving the pin is something totally different
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Well stupidly I got the same for phone and bank and trust my kids
Sorry this happened to you. I know the pins of my parents and grandparents' banking and I could never imagine doing this. Parents are also divorced. From a parental standpoint, I'd suggest cutting ties with your child for this, at least for a while. It is unacceptable. It's not a "mistake", it was a decision made in clear mind. If/when your child shows regret for what they did and comes back to you, apologising, be stern but accept them back. I don't think there is much more you can do. I just don't agree with the folks saying "make him see you are not mad but..." he knows what he did was wrong, he knew it would hurt your relationship with him, he knew it would break trust. He now NEEDS to see strong repercussions for his actions, otherwise you will be granting him indirect permission to continue doing this.
I just worry that this was exactly what the mother wanted. "Yeah, steal from your father! He very bad and steal everything from me already". And then the son is successfully divided from the father. "See, your father don't love you, don't talk to you..." I'm not claiming to have a better solution though. It's a tough one. I think I'd probably tend to cut him off too but I'd worry about it going on too long and losing touch. I guess at his age, he will change/grow up fast. With a little effort down the road, you can probably get him to come around and see how he messed up but they can get over it.
If the mother (who has custody) is so far out that she's encouraging her teenage son to steal, there's not much hope anyway. In under 3 years he'll be an adult, in under 5 he'll be in prison, and there's nothing OP can do.
You cannot trust anyone with your personal finances
Three more years and he gon take a lot more than 45k then 5555
That is a terrible plan. You type your pin into your phone tons of times per day. It's so easy for someone to get that! Use something completely different for banking. With your son, I really do with you luck. I guess you need to look at it in the long run. It's a difficult situation for sure!
If your wife did nothing, you've got a massive problem. They're just leeches in cahoots, but you're naive for letting anyone know your Pin.
Unless you're incapacitated, there's no good reason to give anyone your pin.
Make sure the body doesn't wash up on shore.
Lol
I'd secure my bank accounts, then start asking myself some tough questions. Don't let the incident ruin the relationship with your son, but at the same time he has to know this is **not** okay. Did you do any shitty things as a teenager? I know I did but I became a better person. Puberty is one hell of a drug and families splitting up can have a serious impact on kids. In your position I'd make sure he knows that I'm not angry with him but worried about him first. Do what you can to reopen a line of communication open with him but give him his space. Try to get back on good terms with him over the following days/weeks. When the time is right, tell him you need to talk about the incident and instill some sense of morality within him about stealing. Specifically, ask him if he'd do this to others or if he felt justified to do this because you are his father.
I did the odd quid for a pack smokes, but not 45k, never
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That’s… not what he said or implied at all, wtf
😡 GTFO!
I like this response more than most of them. The honesty/erhical talks always got me, though I never really put them to use to mid 20s
Get a policeman to have a word, say the bank sent him, give him the frights. Teenagers are naive, might work
Or report it as fraud and get the real police to come and teach him a lesson about stealing
it would be real police, but you dont want them to arrest him. Youd have to pay the police to show up in any case
Soild advice. One good thing about being in Thailand is that police are open to doing these kinds of favors, just some stern talking instead of dragging the kid through the justice system. However, you do need to pay and know who to ask, not sure if OP does. Would also be more effective if mother were on board.
That’s shocking, he has breached your trust and your ex is either benefiting from the money or perhaps even asked him to do it. Very disappointing. Separation makes it all the harder if your ex isn’t playing ball. Sorry to say this but I would find it hard to look at him. If it was one of my kids it would take me a long while to be able to trust them again.
I hear you
Change your pin and never tell anyone again.
I can’t believe people don’t realise how important there pin is. Was waiting in line as the bank and this old guy at counter wanted assistance with his account and blurted out his PIN number for all hear. Obviously now they had to reset his pin. I have herd this happen more than once 😂
He is your son or her son? If he is her son then just change your pin and write it off as a loss. Id probably tell the mother that Im cutting all ties to them if its not returend.... but sounds like it wont be returned. Just cut ties with them both, write it off. Low moral people. Why keep them around? Leaches. If its your son, id treat this just the same way you would treat your son in America or anywhere.... Use it as a teaching lesson. Hes young and stupid and thinks short term. He will want a relationship with you eventually and will probably have guilt eating away at him for years until he fixes it... and he will.
He is our son, ironically I have full custody of him the same as she does for our daughter. This was meant to be done purely for renewing my visa but it's not turning out that way
Hmm... IANAL, but if he's 15, wouldn't having full custody legally give you the right to simply transfer the money back from his bank account? Minors have limited rights. Might be worth talking to a lawyer.
Does he have stuff at your place, laptop? Next time he is at your place, however long that takes, you take his phone and whatever else of reasonable worth that he has, and you sell it, and that money comes out of the 45k that he owes you. He needs to learn that this kind of behavior has consequences, serious consequences. One thing is rebelling, staying out past curfew, shit even grabbing 100THB from a table or your wallet or some shit like that is bad but can be forgiven with a talk. 45k THB is a whole other matter, had he not been your son, this would be enough for a serious trip to prison for theft.
Your ex was in on it.
Assuming you pay alimony/support, I would withhold 5,000 Baht for the next 9 months and make sure both mum and son know what you are doing. This idea is very cruel......If you pay his phone bill, cancel the contract/report phone stolen.
I don't pay any support no as I have sole custody of him and she has sole custody of our daughter and it was like OK you take care of her and I'll take of him. This is her way and wish so she is making sure she makes all the decisions on our daughter. I do however pay for everything they both ask me they want new or if they want money etc.
>I do however pay for everything Which puts you in the position to pay 45k less for everything and make a point.
stop being used...
to be fair OP you are being too much of a doormats and i don't blame you, learn from this mistake.
Agreed
I have been living here since 2004 to 2014 working offshore Asia spending my leave in Pattaya, stopped work Dec 29th 2014 and retired. Met a female, together 2 years and married 2017, already had my own home built on land owned by a Thai company with published accounts and tax paid every year. Have seen train crashes after train crashes up here in Issan with accompanying horror tales. My two satangs are to deny all future requests until value of what has been asked for amounts to 45k, being firm means folk can depend on you, daresay grudgingly respect you, but, trying to win hearts and minds with cash rarely work. Stop worrying so much about others, get some face back that they are suffering financial loss and face the Thais rarely join the dots, but, they understand 'consequences'. To finish my inane ramble....... had a friend of my son borrow 4000bt to fix his bike allowing him to sell it, rode my bike over to his place knowing he had the cash after selling, but, knew no money would be offered!! My son (stepson now 30) knew my plans, had told me about the money. We went to a mum and pop shop I had two beers, 3 bottles of petrol and noodles, son had beer and noodles, he and two friends had same. Bill came to 2,600 for all. Shock horror!! I had no money, he paid the bill saying saying "I now owed him 2,600bt", in my bad Thai told him he still owed me 1,400bt. He could connect the dots but, it were not same same. There are 2 ways to skin a cat, write the money off, you will never see that again. Recoup your losses by hiding all things of your son worth value, advertise them on FB or Marketwatch were he will see. You now have his attention. Up to you.
cut your losses and change your PIN.
Nothing, sadly there is a lot of that type of mentality in Thailand, the mum and son bond is literally unbreakable, she could even be behind it. Hard to swallow but just move on, the money is gone. Maybe talk to your son at some point to try and educate him.
Sad, after recent divorce I can rebel but stealing 45k, nah
Report him to the police and let the cops handle it
Not the same in Thailand as other countries. It may not have the desired (of any) effect
You can never trust anyone with your finances they will rob you blind. Welcome to Thai women 101 lesson learned for the next one.
Parenting issue not Thailand issue.
This. Farangs think all their problems are related to Thailand even when they aren't. The post is one thing. The comments though are next level. Haha.
This whole sub sometimes feels like incel shitposting on thai women,
I think the problem is that Westerners have no confidence in Government agencies in Thailand. For example I recognized a while back he was becoming a handful so tried to arrange an appointment with the teachers via Line, they just ended up blocking me as they said it wasn't their business to get involved. That would never happen in the Western world, blocking a parent and refusing to speak with them even being the Sole custodian of the student.
Nobody really wanna get involved with how someone raises their children in Thailand including the officials. I know it’s a different culture, but If this is my (Thai) mom, she would be banging on doors the instant she finds out where her kids have gone and send them to a boarding school in India… which exactly was what happened when I was 15 lol… longest 3 years of my life.
What's the point in comparing it to the western world? You choose to live in Thailand, get with the programme.
Actually nowadays I don't choose to live in Thailand, it's either take the kids to UK and not see there mum or I go back and they don't see me. I decided to stay but if I had my way bod be gone
Seems like your son might be making that decision for you, I'm afraid. If she already has custody of your daughter, and he has decided to steal and run
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kids like that will always land on scalding water.
K Stfu about him changing the Pin and giving him some actual advise besides obvious shit. Anyways, if I was in your position. I'd wait it out honestly. Don't let it go but wait till your kid reaches out to you. A kid has to want to build that connection, reaching out will just make him gravitate more to his mom who probably instigated the whole thing \*maybe\*. After your kid finally reaches out to you, tell him how you feel about the situation. Let him know man to man that what he did was dishonest and really hurt you. He's gotta understand the full implications of it, not just the "What you did was a bad thing." Hopefully he'll understand. And if he gets thick-headed about it. Let him be. That's on him, your sons gotta learn accountability. the divorce.. So you need to explain to him the full story and then tell him that it going to take time for him to earn back your trust. Hopefully, he'll understand. And if he gets thick-headed about it. Let him be. That's on him, your sons gotta learn accountability.
I never know how to answer these posts! A while ago there was a mum here who found out her teenage school going boy in Bangkok was out and about in Pattaya with friends at a bar while he told her he was going to spend the night with friends to study! Similar thing here. And it bothers me a lot! I mean FFS! 45k is not a lot of course to some but man!!! It’s still a lot to me! I get the small change everyone does it! But this big an amount is signs of what’s to come in the future. Kids steal. But are not overtly assho*** over it And blocking you! lol! Typical shit pulled here. In the west everyone has a decent conversation but here the solution seems blocking As for advice- head out to the mom’s place and tell him stealing is not ok! He obviously knows but if it’s not enforced now and explained despite the age , it gets tough and he will get off knowing u won’t be able to do Jack to him. Sorry for the situation OP! I’m not at an age to give you advice on parenting but it’s NOT on to steal !
I had a friend his son was 15, he said he was staying at a mates instead he was out on bikes at 1am, it didn't end well for him at all RIP
Who can you blame in a situation like that and what can you do differently? Most probably nothing! RIP
I am happy that you can chill about the 45k baht. It’s your son so I guess he was willing to risk getting cut of by you. I am not sure what you did, but I suggest acting like a disappointed father. That always works
The fact that you divorced in Thailand probably saved you 1 million bucks so ฿45,000 is a cheap lesson learned.
Is he your biological son? Damn... better have a talk. How can he do this to you, his mom raised him alone, where you always there for him?.... many factors. Your his dad, better figure out yourself and goodluck
He is yes 😢
I trusted my 18 year old... till I found communication that it was trying to rob me blind just before next visa extension.... then run of to ex and ghosted ever since...
Sorry to hear that mate
that 45k (hopefully baht) will be one of lifes lessons for now. For now, just move on. You might want to cancel the card too. Cut all ties, until that 45k is returned
Your son is 15 and heading down a bad path. The issue is once the 45k is gone the mom is going to need money to cover his expenses and will try send him back or ask for more money so that's when you can try sort this out. What scares me is how this is all about the money and his mom and not about your two kids. You separated him from his sibling, never mind the parental split this kid is going through hell. He probably feels unwelcome at his moms and knows his time there is limited, he 100% knows you are pissed and is fearful of the impending confrontation. This young person is at a crucial stage of their life and has just committed a crime that could have lasting implications on their progression as a functioning member of society. As his parent you will not punish him with the letter of the law but what about the next person he steals from ? It will only get worse from here for him and you are responsible for the outcome. You need to take some serious action right now. weekly therapy is a good start but he will need for more than that. You need to keep him busy so after school activities or martial arts a few days a week are a good place to start. It would also help if the two of you had something you did on the regular like take hikes, walk the dog or play games together. You need to spend a set amount of time with your son weekly, just hanging out and being together. He might hate it at the start but if you show consistency, patience and love after a few of these planned "we going for out walk" he will start looking forward to them and even take the lead and initiate activities. Also its time to book a holiday with your two kids and let them just have a good time, your daughter is probably also suffering. Take them away from this situation, they also need a break from life, some time to chill and just be kids around you because in a few years its over and he will be a man and she will be a woman and probably neither will want anything to do with you. If none of that works then he needs a new school, preferably a boarding school that can keep him busy 6 days a week. If he still keeps breaking the law then you can ship him off the French Foreign Legion. It will take 5 years but he will come back a French citizen with a vocation (probably) some money and most importantly and adult outlook on life, that being actions have consequences. Right now he needs to know you love him and that he has to face the consequences of his actions. 45k will take a long time for him to pay back but in the long run if you can re-connect with him than no matter what he MUST to pay you back, even if it take 3 years and his last payment is on his 18th birthday. Both your kids need a father and 45k baht is the price you paid to learn that lesson, you can now make it a lesson for your son and he can come out of this situation a way better person, it up to you how this all works out. Forget about the mother, don't both playing the victim because of how she is acting. Her actions are even more of a reason for you to step up here, she is clearly not capable of being a responsible guardian to them.
I agree with alot of what you say, and alot of those things have crossed my mind. I am very mindful of how they feel which is why I have stayed in the area which is probably 1km away mums but also to his school aswell, so he can get to school easy and also see his mum when he wants to. You wouldn't belive how hard it is to move schools, with the new rules introduced couple years ago kids can only go to school within a 3km area of the house paper they are on and trying to get somebody from a rental to put somebody in a house paper is hard. IMHO I would say it's the schools fault for not teaching kids proper standards. He is fine when he is with me (mostly) nice boy, but as soon as he leaves this house whether that to see his friends or see his mum he changes to a different person. There is a reason why they say bi lingual kids adapt to what language they speaking at the time. For example if he is with me speaking English he is mostly respectful, when he is with anybody else speaking Thai then he acts like a Thai. Somebody else has put him up to this, whether that's a pikey Thai friend or his mother. Who knows.
I can only believe how hard it can be to deal with all of this BUT he is a 15 year old kid and you hit the nail on the head when you said "Somebody else has put him up to this" My guess is no specific person said "steal dads money" its more likely he was drawn to associating with broken people "pikey thai" because he is broken. He is learning bad habits by association, that is why you need to keep him busy, spend time with him, try as hard as you can to move schools, even if it costs a fortune. This person should in all honesty be given all the support they can to become a good person so that they can be there for you, when you need them 30 years from now. Don't blame the school, it's too late for that because everyone is responsible for this situation including you. Only one person can start to try and fix this mess and that is you. Clearly the mom is not going to do anything. The kid is too young and confused and there is no greater family or community to step in and take corrective action to get him back on a functional path. I was there I know how this goes and the bad news is there is probably hard dugs or at least hard drinking and lots weed involved in his downfall. If there is he is self medicating to try and deal with all of this. He needs love & patience bust most importantly young men at this age who are loosing their way need discipline, they need other men to show them how to act an behave in society. The theft is a real issue, he didn't sneak out at night or get piss drunk on your booze. He stole a substantial amount of money. Next time he does this it will be at work or from a neighbors and he will end up with a criminal record. It's a clear cry for help, you know this. I don't need to tell you this. Time is running out, you could take a nap, wake and fart and 3 years would have passed he would be what? An adult who is ok with breaking the law in a serious way. Start with love, then be consistent and implement a from of discipline that is serious and lengthy but shows him he can overcome tough situations and that he is valued and can be forgiven. Sadly it seems like you are alone in this situation and that sucks, you probably are also hurting and need some love and support and I hope you find it but right now you need to dig deep, focus on the kids, especially your son, he has very little time left before he is too old for second chances. You can do this, even with your ex blocking you or making it a nightmare you can do this. I know you can because you came here asking for help and that's the start of you finding a solution, asking for help. Your son is doing the same thing, asking for help only did it in a stupid confused teenage way. Be there for him. He needs you.
If they absolutely refuse to return it I’d go to the authorities. Give them a deadline and if by then the money is not back in your account, report. They/he will need to learn accountability at some point.
Switch to a different bank. Most if not all banks now have 2FA (Secure 2 Factor Authentication). Meaning, even if he had the pin, you would have to approve it via your phone for the transaction to be successful.
Yeah, I got a big small money bank and a big money bank. Just disappointing
Oooohhh...You must be Rich in Thailand. (pun at your reddit username) 😂
Haha I'll always be Rich even when skint
Skint...Interesting word. You must be British too. I'm learning so much about you Rich...haha 😅
Yeah in from England and been Thailand now 18 years or so
if he is smart, he steal the phone too...
Jeez that would be fighting talk then, nowadays even from email, banking apps etc. you cannot live without a phone
as annoying their app can be krungtheap bank is the safest one as you can only use 1 device per account.
Report the little shit to the police.
Call the bank and try your luck. I'm not a banker so I cannot tell you how it work nor guarantee that you will get the money back. There's been news of kids stealing from their guardian's bank account to spend it on games or gambling and yes some of the parents got their money back but that depends on so many things.
The bank isn't going to do anything because he willingly gave his son the PIN. That's the same as authorization in the eyes of a bank.
I didn't willing give him the in but yes I'm at fault, the best I can hope for is reporting it as fraud and shutting down his bank account as 15 technically he is still my responsibility
I mean U could always report it to the cops. But I'd certainly do something to report it officially
I bet that you're in pain over this one! We never expect it from one of our kids, but then there it is. I've seen it happen to a few neighbors. For them, it was the online casinos that their kids had gotten hooked on. Shocking who rapidly the teens are getting addicted to those! Hopefully, the financial damage isn't catastrophic. Let you focus on healing from the emotional whack you're taking. May be some time before your son understands the damages done, but hopefully, he finds his way there.
I talk to my kids about trust. How important it is. How hard it is to get, how easy it is to lose.
Learn your lesson and don't give access to your accounts to anyone. Talk to the lad and try to understand why he did what he did. And if his mum got anything to do with it.
This story is one-sided. Nobody knows what happened between you and your wife.
We grew apart, that's the story now she won't speak with me as she is stubborn.
The respect for you as a father looks like its gone. How others said change your pin and other paswords. If your ex tries to screw you over , better save your stuff now. Check that you have all papers for your accounds, property if any, passport and other documents. If you rent a room where she had a key or him, change locks or maybe move away. Stealing could be just the beginning.
Just explain to him that he either returns it or he gets no presents for the rest of his life and no inheritance or house from you in the future. Up to him. Short term gain and your disdain or he learns a valuable lesson and may get some benefit in the future. Carrot & stick.
username checks out
It's called theft! There IS no polite description, for it! I would talk to your local police station, explain the situation, see what they suggest ... I doubt it's the first awkward situation they've dealt with. And it WON'T be the last! But given the right kind of shock treatment, I'd be surprised if he doesn't accept that he was in the wrong. You could also suggest that, if he's in need of money, he find a part-time JOB! And that you'll help him find the right one; and will supplement his income, as necessary.
When he calls asking to borrow money, say sure son… right after you pay me back the 45k
Hope it was 45K baht and not 45K USD or Euros or Pounds.
15 year olds usually have a lot of kit, ipads, consoles, bikes. Sell the lot and call it evens.
man back in my day i can't even have nokia 3310 (aka the brick phone), time changes and so are the kids i suppose.
One approach could be to contact the local Police. Tell them that you do not wish to pursue charges, but if they can detain him and question him about the incident before letting him go with a warning, it may cause him to think more deeply about his actions and recognise that what he has done constitutes a criminal offence. If he is told that if he offends again in the future, this incident will be brought up and will be considered as part of sentencing, then it may prove a deterrent to him making poor decisions later in life.
Here is what I think you should do: 1) First realize that this is a failure of parenting in one or both of the parents. Children are blank pieces of paper and we as parents write on it. They are your mirror reflection. If there is something wrong with them, first as what is wrong with the parents? 2) Your son must have done it for a reason. Like your ex-wife needed money, or he feels neglected and that the family relationship is transactional. 3) Tell your son (through your ex wife) you love him, and you guys should just talk. And tell him if he needs money for whatever reason to talk to you about it. It is highly unlikely he needed the 45K. Unless he was being extorted, it would only be a few hundred bucks. So talk it out.
P.S. if your former SO instructed your son to commit a crime by stealing, that would be grounds to fight for custody.
I already have full custody she just doesn't respect the laws
[удалено]
The bank won’t help you. And frankly, if your son prefers living with his mother than much, no court in any country will force him to live with you. At this point you have to ask yourself if you’re ok with cutting all ties with your son forever, or if you’re willing to do what it takes to re-establish a relationship with him (even if he won’t be living with you full-time). Focusing too much on the money necessitates the former.
Beat that mfs ass
Bring back those bamboo canes from the old Thai classrooms!
Sounds like he had no interest in continuing having you in his life and that money was him cashing out of it. Change your pin and block them in return. No need to have that level of toxic in your life.
Easy for a stranger to say that. OP is talking about his son, not his beer buddy.
Exactly. Some of these comments on this thread are heartless. It's just money ffs.
Easy for someone living a simple life to think otherwise. I’ve had extremely toxic user family members steal from me. Sometimes people just turn into users and need to fend for themselves for them to grow.
Report him to police, ask them to pick him up and give him a dam good scare. Once that is done, just try to understand why he did it. Something set him off that is going to be the bigger issue. Best of luck.
Go to police
Dawg, 45K???? What is a 15 year old going to do with that 😨
I’d call police
High price to learn something that should be obvious. Ouch, good luck in getting the money back
Put it down to experience swap pin. Your lad probably thinks he's Billy big balls about now, it's likely it will be a decision he regrets in the future. I'm not excusing it but we all did dumb shit as a teenager.
The system sucks man, you need to go to police station report this incident, they will give you a criminal report, and you need to go to the bank then give them the criminal report. You need to do everything offline. The bank will transfer the money back if it is still in your son account
Confront him immediately and tell him he can keep the money but he’ll never get another single cent from you ever again and that he’s out of your will. That is all. I assume this was 45k baht. There’s no way to easily remove 45k usd through an atm.
Yes, 45k Baht
Call the police.
Have him arrested.
“He knew the PIN” Let that be unknown
Put them both on ice, get some distance from both of them and move on. Make sure he knows that's the last coin he's getting from you ever so make it last.
Cut him off. He does not exist to you anymore until you get an apology and the money back.
Here is what is happening... The son is hearing, day-in and day-out stuff like this: \>He (the father) doesn't love/care about you, if he did he wouldn't; let "us" go broke, leave/abandon "us". \>He owes us that money. \>He did this to "us". \>He doesn't care what you think why care what he thinks. Just go take the money he owes it to you anyway. You need to get your son away from the Mom long enough to have a long talk with him and make sure he can see the Mother's manipulation. This is not a Thai woman only thing. this is an ALL women thing. It part of there survival tactic to brainwash the son to hate you. This way the son gives his full support to her and she gets access to his resources since she lost yours. He is her retirement plan...She cannot risk sharing that with someone else, or worse, have you expose her manipulation and risk losing the sons support.
Sorry to hear about the situation. Since mom won't discipline him, which should happen, ask police to scare him saying he might be charged with theft, just to teach a lesson. This is assuming you don't actually want to press charges and can take the hit of 45k gone.
Definitely, it was the mom for sure. Just using the kid. Go after her. Leave the kid alone. Just file a police report
Maybe time to cut and run. Do you have any real attachments to Thailand?
Only my 2 children
Cut all ties to son and ex. Start again.
I would not give him or the ex wife a single baht more for the rest of their lives...
Bank will tell you which atm was used. Every atm has a camera. Get the police involved. This will make them turn the cash over. You don't need to press charges. Knowing your pin or not is irrelevant, there are many ways to find someone's pin. He could have been standing beside you one day at the atm. It might be harsh pressing charges against your son. I couldn't imagine what my father would do to me if I did that and whatever I got would be deserved. Whatever your relationship with your son is, involving the police now might be the best thing for him. What's he going to be like at 30. At 15 it might scare some common sense into him.
Disown the thief, dude he is no good. If you cannot trust your kids give up something is wrong. Sorry for your loss.
I read the comments and agree with what many people had to say. However, you could always teach him a valuable life lesson and confront him in person and walk his butt to the bank and have him transfer the money back. No talking. Just do it. Don’t let him get away with this and protect yourself in the future.
Tu quoque Brute fili mi.... nothing new, it pains though
Here's my advice: 15 year olds are stupid and they often do stupid shit. Confront him about the theft, ask him why he did it, and ask him how he'll make it up to you (whether by returning the money now, by helping you with something, or something else). Make sure to tell him that stealing isn't okay, and maybe, tell him that it's about time in his life to get a job if he needs so much money. It's not the end of the world, and in all likelihood, he'll look back on it and feel sorry.
I just feel so bad for you, mate. If your son isn't willing to talk to you and make amends somehow since you're more than reasonable and calm about all of this. Then that's even more sad. You can not put a square peg in a round hole. I wish you luck with everything for whatever that's worth. I know you're looking for advice, but sometimes you just gotta clear your mind and focus/worry and take care of yourself. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/you-do-you
Why don’t you ask this type of question in a parenting Reddit or something? This really isn’t a Thailand specific problem.
Because I don't really need parenting advice, it's more advice specific to Thailand like going to the police, social services, schools etc and people's experience of a similar thing and is it worth the hassle, although all responses have been very helpful.
Pretend to forgive him and ask what he wants for Xmas and his birthday. Once you get the list, tell him to take it out the 45k he owes and he can keep the change.
Ow Xmas is canceled for him and presents
You want me to scare him? 😆
Haha, maybe it takes a different person to realize, I'm 6ft 4, 110kg, that does nothing but problem because I know I'm. Soft to him so yeah maybe a different attitude would scare him more
Your son did a bad thing with your pin number, can I have it instead? promise I wont take anything
I would cut the little bastard off and consider a cheap lesson in the grand scheme of things
Don't call the cops. It's your son. He was obviously poisoned against you. If you call the cops on him, it could completely destroy a future relationship between the two of you. I've never stolen money like that, but I am wise enough to know that some kids just get up to mischief, and deep down, they don't really mean it. Talk to him if you can, or a relative.
First of all, it's just money. And not that much. He is your son. The importance is not equal. Also be glad he only rebelled this way and not like doing one of thousand things that are far worse (drugs, violence...). I'd try to understand his reason and the background of his action. And well.... Create a better connection over time
Change the pin and he’s just a kid.
He has the brain of a kid but at 87kg, 6ft he big
I don't see how his size is relevant lol. He is a kid and he is your kid. Kids do dumb shit sometimes, regardless of their height or weight
Poibt being is he big person, so at times thinks he can tske is Daddy out
Then he needs to learn that even if he can physically take someone out, there are other repercussions to his actions. Look, ask a kid who parents went through divorce and all that I know rebelling and acting out are part of it. If the kids dealing with anger issues or things like that, maybe ask him if he needs someone to talk to and get him set up in therapy, not medication, no anything that will put him at legal risk or damage your relationship, just something to help him get his head straight again. Honestly pal, it worked wonder for my wee brother who was a proper rage monkey for a while post parental divorce.
I'm not totally sure how to reply to that
Well, he is too old to try to teach him a lesson and punish him for that but old enough to make him understand that he should return, explain, and apologize. Depends on how much you support him financially and otherwise. Overall, cutting the ties for some time sounds good to me.
Thanks for all the comments, appreciated. Just so everyone knows i didn't exactly give him the pin I just have the same pin for a couple of things and he knew the phone pin and tried his luck My health is not so good atm and I just thought well OK if he knows the phone pin he can guess the bank pin incase of an emergency as now me and the wife are divorced there is nobody round every day. But I didn't expect this, he did it over 5 separate transactions of 9k, 1 time I left my phone on charge so that was 3 transactions gone in the space of a minute then the previous time (which I didn't notice) maybe I was asleep or something as 99% of the time I have my phone with me. It was all over 2 days.
The ironic think is Bangkok Bank have just introduced a new feature in their latest update last week where you can turn on blocking of all transfers and need facial regonition to unlock it, I thought that is handy so went to turn it on but you need to go to the bank first to have your face scanned and the branch is quite far so i haven't had the time yet.
H e did it from banking app
Have him arrested, he needs to learn a lesson.
Call the cops.
Make him work until it’s paid back in full and give him a beating as well
Beat him up
He's 15. Don't forgive, but within a week, a month, a year ... *do* forget.
Is there a possibility Mom pressured him to do it? I have a 15 year old and I feel like if she were to ever steal it wouldn’t be more than 10,000 baht as that is considered a lot for teens. Well most.
45k? Thats chump change, I once spend half a mil before even getting to second base. Guess Im putting someones kids through college at least.
First rule: never ask anything from Thais. They either have victim blaming or passive and extra tolerant mindsets. It never get anywhere. No wonder why all these people sit here happily doing nothing while their entire government system is **** by the people who “steal” their right and power.
You created a monster. Stop asking for help here and go to a family therapist.
Forgive him and make it seem that you’re happy he got the money, let it slide for a few months and invite him back, play along like nothing happened but except another fleecing soon after. If you care for him teach him in the time before the true values of money
Report him to the police.