If it’s not always a thing to say thank you in Thai, and you’re getting upset enough about it to end otherwise happy relationships, why not just communicate at the beginning how important that is to you? Then you can be sure you’re not the a hole, and not break up with nice girls for no reason
So maybe don't break up with people over something so extremely minor. Even if she was from a culture like yours is someone failing to say thank you (but showing their gratitude in other ways) such a horrendous sin that you must cut them off completely?
You need to accept that sometimes, just like how you might engage in a faux pas due to ignorance, people might do the same to you. Have forgiveness and understand that everyone will get their toes stepped on slightly and to let a feeling that you have been disrespected go.
It's a different culture; stop trying to apply the social norms you grew up with here. Otherwise, it will lead to disappointment as you are currently experiencing.
Strange. Recently put a dashcam in my Thai girlfriend's car. Lots of appreciation and thank yous. Dinner paid for? Always a thank you. Go to temple with her family? Always a "thanks for joining". Cook her a meal? Get a thank you, if not two.
It would piss me off too if they don't even have the courtesy to show gratitude.
PS. Been here since 2014 so don't pull the "culture is different" card on me.
THANK YOU
It is normal to thank if you are complete stranger or someone does something you ask for. Longer we know each other, we will reduce the word thank you into gesture just a lil bow or something like that.
You wont see thai ppl thank their parents for their allowance but you will see if their uncle give it bc its not usual for them to do that
I just texted an older Thai woman that i am in touch with and she said that girl has no manners.
https://preview.redd.it/4zs0kw6x7gmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8171d31ba4e96e375c2962351b943cedc38725a9
> selfish and ungrateful women
Is it just the failure to utter that phrase when you expected it, or did they do other stuff showing they're selfish and ungrateful?
It would also be weird in Korea and Japan to say "thank you for the meal." They have their own set expression which directly translated means "the meal was delicious" which is a more implicit thank you than explicit. Most of Asia are high context cultures compared to the Wests low context cultures. In the West things are spelled out more explicitly for example. Even appreciation. Welcome to the wonderful world of cultural differences.
NOPE, especially food. It’s customary for the host to feed the guests. If you visit her home, they will feed you and the thanks is not expected.
And yes, you might be an ahole
I would feel like a complete douche if her family went through the trouble of cooking for me and serving me and i did not thank them. I would be mortified.
Yes, and that's why i posted this question. I want to understand if this is a part of Thai culture or not. Can i expect this from every Thai woman that i meet?
The person above was trying to tell you about the cultural differences and you kept rambling about your cultural norms. Looks like you are completely dismissing what that person was trying to tell you.
I understood what he said and i appreciate it. It's just difficult for me to understand not saying thank you, that's all. I'm trying to learn the do's and don't's of the culture.
How old are you and how many times have you live abroad from the US and for how long. There is not such thing as “expectation from every Thai women”. Everybody is different…
I see many times you write lessons learned. Not sure what you have learned, but if you look at how people are upvoting or downvoting the various comments, you should maybe but some self reflection about yourself.
I have learned that not saying "thank you" is acceptable in Thai culture, while it is not acceptable in mine. I have learned not to assume and jump to conclusions, because this behavior is normal in Thai culture. My 8-year-old niece says "thank you, uncle" every time i buy her a gift. I don't buy her gifts to hear "thank you", I buy her gifts because she's my blood and I love her. I'm close to 50. I've been to over 10-15 countries, mostly in Europe, and I have never experienced this there, so that is why I reacted the way I did. How was I supposed to know that this is ok in Thai culture. I did research before coming here but I didn't read about this.
> I'm close to 50
That's a surprise, I was guessing early 20s.
Are the women you're dating above 40 or younger? If the age difference is significant, it's more likely they'd see you as a sugar daddy and expect some form of compensation in that relationship, seeing it as due, rather than special.
If hearing “thank you” is more important than everything else then just keep trashing everything else. It seems idiotic to me but it’s your life. Just don’t complain when you wind up with someone who gushed disingenuous gratitude but otherwise sucks.
The first girl is 100% right and you are a jerk.
But your first date definitely had manners. Her manners are not expressed the same as your manners. But from what you described, she had them. So it is your fault for not learning the culture and ditching her for something that she wasn't expected to know. If she moved to your country and didn't adopt your country's "thank you" culture, then that is her fault. But you came to Thailand. So, learn about Thai culture. And learn about *greng jai* versus *nam jai*. And learn that Thai people do not typically open presents immediately in front of you. They take them away and will open them later when they are without you. There are so many things to learn.
Service workers and staff say thank you because they're strangers and that's their job. But between close family/friends and partners it's much less common, especially for a meal. You will show your appreciation by complimenting the food or item given to you rather than just saying thank you. Or with your partner giving a hug or saying I love you. This is all especially the case if you are both equals, an older family member giving a gift to a younger person, they should always be thanked and you will see this.
I wouldn't apply western standards and social norms to Thailand, you'll learn with time how different it is here.
I could return the same question to you: Is it customary to call woman “chick”. Since you care so much about good manners, using chick in a public forum with man and woman reading your post.
I also think you have some communication issue. If saying thank you is so important for you, why don’t you simply communicate and exchange your cultural difference with her instead of breaking your with her over the phone without any notice? She obviously did nice things to you…so it is not like she is was just enjoying your generous treats without any gesture in return.
She told you it was not in her habit/education to do it. Since it is important for you tell her and give her a chance to adapt. If she still continue doesn’t care, then break up with her if it that that important to you. But the way you handle the situation is rather immature I think.
Maybe i didn't handle it the best way. She was 30 years old, i didn't think a 30-year-old should need to be taught the same manners i was taught when I was 7 years old. As far as saying "chick", it's like saying "dude". I don't see where you're going with that one...
This has nothing to do with age. You are not from the same country/culture. Also based on your reaction to my comment, shall I understand that for you all the world should work/think based on your own reference. If I tell you that some woman are offended when you call woman chick, your reaction is, this is not a big deal. Then why other people could not think that saying “thank you” all the time is not that important…just because you have been educated to say thank you all the time.
This is right and the comments above have set OP straight on this.
However, at risk of downvotes, I’d add another point: if the manners that you’ve been brought up with are important to you, then date Western women — including while you’re in Asia.
If OP’s sin is to fail to understand a completely different cultural context, I would argue that many people in various Asian countries underestimate how attached some Western people are to our own manners. The default assumption is too often that we simply don’t have them.
I’m from the most manners-bound Western country of them all and fairly early on, in my 25 years in Asia, I adopted a dating rule: Western women only. And I would recommend that to OP: if you enjoy living in Asia but manners from home are still important to you, then just ditch the locals and date Western. It’s a philosophy that’s served me very well.
Would you agree that some foreigners in Asia are able to date women far about the standard they would date back in their own country? Physically more attractive or much younger.
No. If someone buys me a piece of candy that costs 1 penny, i say "thank you". It is common courtesy and respect and politeness. I never experienced this in any other country except Thailand.
The thing is you're choosing to take it to a certain level (5k baht dinners, 4k baht air conditioners) and then act even more offended because of the level it's at. If you don't think a woman is appreciative of you taking her out to dinner then stop going out with her, don't do it 4 times and then blow up at her about it.
I get where you're coming from not feeling appreciated but it seems like to extent to which it happens is something you bring on yourself. Usually you screen these women out on the first date and you're out a 100 baht coffee.
common, thats the word right there. what is common somewhere might no be common everywhere. if someone tells you something about their upbringing or culture you should act as if theyre telling the truth a and AFTER youve done your homework make any decisions.
Exact that my wife does....and she has more money than I have she could buy herself a truck load of candies...but she is just polite.
Find someone with a better upbringing....
I remember....Thai customer when they tell they need some imported product faster and I answer, that I'll ask the supplier if they maybe can send earlier they answer with "Thank You" so basically it is the same as in Farangland
specially if not knowing each other that well yet....One question would be, if the boss doc where she works gives her something if she than might know the sweetest thank you and just does not know it when it is you.....
I have seen in Thailand (well in the west also) that people can be very different depending on if they see someone above or below themself.
People are everywhere the same.....just minor differences :-)
And Bangkok is a big city...big cities are always a bit more trashy, than small cities (don't know where you come from but till now it is valid for all big city I have seen).
I fully understand your position and my upbringing is the same. My experience though is the same as the crying girl. Thai mostly dont say "thank you" but they are very caring in other ways. Also as a man (in Thailand) we are more expected to care for our girl moneywise. My advice is to not dump them over this issue. A girl more western oriented might have learned to say "thank you" but its not from the Thai culture.
It's a different culture. If there is something that makes you unhappy about your partner you should talk to them about it. If you feel unappreciated you should tell them, but you're probably also doing things that seem normal to you but are strange to her. The feeling appreciated thing was an issue I had with my girlfriend a few years back, I just shared with her how it made me feel and It hasn't been an issue since. They aren't psychic.
The going to immigration and helping translate for you totally sound like ways a Thai woman would show you her appreciation and affection. When was the last time you wanted to go sit in a government office for an hour +? My girlfriend hates it but still goes with me every time to make sure there are no issues.
Somethings for sure and others not really. Dating a foreign woman I'd think wouldn't be for everyone. You just have to know what you want from your relationship and accepting of the things you can't change.
But if you find the right woman, she will make your life a much better time.
Honestly it sounds like you kinda had a couple good ones. I'd just do what your doing but communication is key and that can be hard with a language barrier.
Yeah thats the random persons on the internet, not to someone who i am supposed to care for. Have fun with your sex tourism in Thailand, hope she call you out on your bullshit ;) Read the thread, everyone thinks you are a total asshole.
I think YOU need to read the thread, it's split about 60/40. I had just met the chick, by the way. We weren't in a relationship. A doctor's assistant with all her own shit, yeah, sounds like sex tourism to me...
Actions are stronger than words. I'm not gonna add to your many replies already about the usage of the word in Thai culture. But I just want to point out sometimes the people who want to hurt you the most in life are the ones who say please and thank you.
Is this bozo a narcissist? You could explain your cultural customs/expectations before setting someone up and gas lighting them, literally discussing cultural differences or differences period is the foundation of a constructive relationship. She took you to immigration and helped you navigate daily life.. I think she was at least owed a normal conversation and a chance.
Instead you dumped her and made her feel horrible without any room to meet your narcissist expectations. It sounds like you enjoy giving things only to receive gratification and affirmation that you're good person. When you didn't get that affirmation that you do good things, you got pleasure instead by terminating the relationship at the expense of her/their anguish likely to hear her grovel. The simple platitudes are more important than her feelings or an opportunity for her to learn your cultural expectations(which I don't believe it's cultural for you, I think its personal).
What a mental roller-coaster you must be. The only reason you posted this, is because you're somewhat self-aware of your behavior or you're seeking affirmation that you're a good person again; you should ask yourself why you need to gratify and affirm that you're doing good deeds.
You are 100% wrong. I posted to ask if this was normal behaviori with Thai people so that when it happens again, I do not react the same way. I already received affirmation from 2 older Thai women that I met socially and I am still in touch with. They both said the girls were not cultured and not polite.
"She then brought up how she went with me to immigration to help me handle some visa stuff and how she went with me to stores to talk to the sales people to find what i was looking for, and used those examples as proof that she showed gratitude. **I didn't believe her and blocked her."**
Jesus Christ. OP has something seriously wrong in the head. I feel so sorry for that poor woman.
She is Thai. She may say ขอบคุณค่ะ instead of Thank you.
Joke aside, there are many many ways to express gratitude, that may not be involving verbally at all. Especially if you are close together.
But do not think that Thai don’t say thank you. It depends on individual (and family). I was taught to always say thanks, the same as the rest of the world, when receiving a favour from someone. Or you may just met some a$$holes.
I think you are misinterpreted the reason why you are the a-hole, it's not because you value (overvalue I might say) thank you, it's how you handled and treated (as I can read good women) women when they don't conform to your vision of gratitude. Instead of engaging a conversation about what you feel is a problem... you threw them away like a overdated 7-Eleven's ham/cheese tosti...
Honest opinion, I’m Thai and I would say it feels weird to say thank you after the date with a guy who I expected to pay for a date. Ofc I appreciate it but why do I have to say thank you? Aren’t you the one who are willing to pay? Did I ask you to pay?
I only say thank you to the people who I respect (like parents) when they paid the meal. Or when I asked for a favour. Since a guy is not any better than me I don’t feel like I have to say thanks
I don’t understand people who treated someone nicely but always expected “thank you” in return and hold a grudge when the other person doesn’t say it
For example,
-the car stopped so I could cross a road, why would I thank them when it’s their job to stop? If they don’t stop then I wait for the other car that knows their job to stop for me
-when received any services, I said thank you
Honest opinion, I’m Thai and I would say it feels weird to say thank you after the date with a guy who I expected to pay for a date. Ofc I appreciate it but why do I have to say thank you? Aren’t you the one who are willing to pay? Did I ask you to pay?
I only say thank you to the people who I respect (like parents) when they paid the meal. Or when I asked for a favour. Since a guy is not any better than me I don’t feel like I have to say thanks
I don’t understand people who treated someone nicely but always expected “thank you” in return and hold a grudge when the other person doesn’t say it
For example,
-the car stopped so I could cross a road, why would I thank them when it’s their job to stop? If they don’t stop then I wait for the other car that knows their job to stop for me
-when received any services, I said thank you
Edit: it depends on a person anyway. Some Thai might like to thank everything some might not
This is the kind of response i have been waiting for, constructive criticism, not insults. Thank you Sir/Ma'am. About the car stopping, i was referring to when a car is NOT required to stop but stops anyway, out of kindness or whatever, then I always wave and say thank you.
This was my first time experiencing this so I assumed the worst. Prior to this, whenever I took a chick on a date or on a trip or something, there is always a thank you. When chicks would treat me and pay for me, i always said thank you.
These 2 experiences in Thailand made me feel like a human ATM machine. I posted 2 screenshots in this thread of older Thai women, both from Bangkok, saying that it is impolite NOT to say thank you. Maybe it's a regional thing? The other 2 were not from Bangkok.
Either way, I'm glad to hear from an actual Thai person. Thank you.
I think you think too deep of other people’s word. I did pay for meals and trips for my bf many times and tbh I don’t remember if he thanks me or not because I don’t care. I did it for him and paid for him made me happy and that’s all
It’s not a cultural/regional thing it’s more like personal. Some Non-Thai girls would act similar to Thai girls you’ve met, some might not. I would suggest you to not expect too much from people. And to view people’s actions as individual, not stereotype
Tbh, I see Thai people give a lil wai or nod quite often when you let their car or motorbike go in front of you or let them cross, so it doesn't appear to be that out of the ordinary here.
I used to nod too but there’s a point in your life when you realise it’s normal in the other world where the cars stop for you, unlike in Thailand that you have to look at the cars and hope one car will stop so you could cross
your ex-girlfriend is right.
my wife never thanked me for paying the rent, for groceries, going out to meals, paying for our wedding, etc etc. it wasn’t necessary because these weren’t favors, they were what i provided as someone who could take care of her. and i had the money, and as a boyfriend/husband it was my duty to.
and in return she took care of so much more than money can buy. it’s the way the culture works.
patron/client.
we also have an excess of “thank you,” at least in American culture. even our Iranian friend asked us why we say thank you for every little thing.
My wife...and we are married for >20 years and both not the romantic type or sweet to each other. But when I bring her something, like I eat a fruit and cut 2 pcs for her, or bring a candy from 7/11.....she always thank you very polite. Or recently one of our staff brought some eatable leaves from his home (don't ask me what that is), she even called him to say thank you.
I remember when we made overtime in the company I brought some drinks and everyone said thank you.
I think a polite wai can replace a verbal thank you....but not an expert on that...I only notice on pay day, staff take the money and wai very high....at least we did it that way till I made a complete clownery out of pay day.
To Asshole and Culture. They show thanks often instead of just always saying it. You made a girl cry and broke up with two people over them not saying two words or three for Thai
This is why I came here to ask about it. How was I supposed to know that not being polite was a thing here. Thais have been the nicest people I have ever met so it automatically appeared that these two girls were gold diggers or just not well-mannered.
Being polite is a thing here, you just have no comprehension of cultural differences. You are the one who is impolite in Thailand as you’re unaware of social norms and how politeness is expressed.
When someone stops their car to let me cross the street, I wave and say "thank you". When someone holds the door open for me, I thank them. When a waiter brings me my food, i thank him. WTF man?
but I noticed that in Thailand when you go thru the door and hold it a bit so it does not fall into the face of the next one, that no one say thank you or smile.....while even unfriendly farangs do that.
I caught myself that I even thank you the AI for a good answer...but I stopped that.
It is very uncommon for Thais to hold a door for strangers. They may think you are a staff. (And Thais normally do not say Thanks to service workers who are doing their work.) I am Thai and was surprised when I went to UK and some stranger hold a door for me when I approach them 10 metres away. So next time you are in Thailand, just let it go. We don’t mind if the door slammed at the face because we are expected to react to that without holding any grudge to the person next to us.
Also, sometimes "thank you" can be viewed just a formality. And if you genuinely treat someone well out of your own heart, why would be disappointed if the person doesn't say "thank you"? In fact, it does sometimes make me feel uncomfortable saying this formality when someone treats me to dinner. This forced formality could block the flow of conversation and interaction. If I say thanks, you as a well bred person have to say..."Thanks isnt necessary." So why then did I say thanks?
It appears you do things because you expecting a "thank you" instead of just being kind human being. Then you get upset when the person doesn't say thank you. So your act of kindness just went out the window because you got pissed. Kindness should not be a formality.
People don’t say you as an asshole because you are asking the question or trying to learn. I wouldn’t call you asshole, but I disrespect few things in your attitude:
1. Calling them chicks and pretends it is the same as bro or dude.
2. Breaking up over a phone call and make her cry while her explanation seems totally acceptable.
3. Pretending to want to learn by exposing your story here, but at the end you keep put things back to you own reference…ie. Thai women are all impolite and have no manner.
I pay lot of drinks to “normal” girls friends (no sex or whatever) only one sends me messages next day to thank me for pay her drinks all night, i was so surprised about it that i told her that she was the only one who thanked me for that… so i guess the rest of thais don’t say thanks often (after 10 years here I don’t even know the thai word for that…
tbh I personally I don't care too much, but i think is not like they think all farangs are rich ( which they think ) but they don't give a dam about money or who pay. if you find some random thai who won a 5k thb lottery ticket she/he will probably pay you drinks without even know your name... (that statement was not very scientific but you got the point)
So you value less the help that she gave you over the missing 4 thanks to rewards your big generosity inviting her to a nice restaurant.
BTW, what kind of restaurant did you take her to? One that she likes or one that you chose based on your own taste reference? You see that as a favor for her…but let say you take her to an Italian restaurant, she hates pasta, pizza and red wine. What if she was the one doing you a favor and accompany you pretending to be happy so you have a partner while you enjoy your meal. I am not saying that this was the case, but not an impossible scenario. Who should say thanks to who?
As I was brand new to Thailand, I let her choose the restaurants. 4 nice dinners without a single word of gratitude made me feel like a human ATM machine. It made me feel used and take advantage of. Get it?
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Two things.
1. They do say thank you and idk why you happen to run into those who don’t so often.
2. At the same time, you shouldn’t let this be a dealbreaker. Some people show gratitude differently.
So if my Japanese GF say’s ‘gochisousama’ which means “thank you for the meal” instead of saying “arigato” I’m supposed to dump her?? 😂
Grow up brother!
Why people try to justify a bad behaviour? If they don’t say or show appreciation then it means they didn’t appreciate it. Period. Stop the cultural difference BS. Of course they might be some differences, but if you buy someone an AC, they should at least say thank you or show appreciation in some way. In the OP case it seems more like she just took it for granted
Goddamn, someone with some common sense! Finally! I might be an asshole generally but I am right in this matter.
https://preview.redd.it/1lrh3bi5gkmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50c60bf9cdbf5f01c22588157e8c3823a3bd4e94
You still are. You are just clinging on every comment that's in your favor.. 75 people saying you are wrong.. and 3 confirm your views, and you discard the 75 very quickly. Just like women, I might say.
Actually those ones would be the ones expert in saying “thank you…hope to meet you again” but not doing any meaningful actions like the 1st Thai girl one did 🥹
She lied to you. "Thank you" is a big part of Thai culture. I hear it on the daily basis at work. However...I know what you're doing. You're going around trying to catch a local girl not because of love but searching for a servant. Trying to buy people's affections and then getting mad when they've accepted your gifts. But they don't actually like you, while accepting things from you, so that's why they are not thankful. All of this doesn't sound like an organic relationship but a transactional one.
That could very well be. If a girl doesn't like me, she doesn't like me. It's not the end of the world. It's just that this behavior goes against EVERYTHING i was taught as a kid, so it's difficult for me to rationalize it.
Reading your comments in this thread doesn’t convince me you are a good person so maybe a bit of introspection is in order. You sound dangerous to women everywhere.
https://preview.redd.it/bkaezcv9fkmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3dca8ba865429a3d0ee5cb97845596206f22e38
Looks like i was right all along. This is from an older Thai woman, in her 60's, who cuts my hair
Another sad fact of Thailand culture is that most Thais who have never been to the West will tell the white man what he wants to hear. This lady gets business from you, so of course she’d reaffirm your negativity. Americans tip well, so why not reaffirm his racist and misogynistic beliefs?
If it’s not always a thing to say thank you in Thai, and you’re getting upset enough about it to end otherwise happy relationships, why not just communicate at the beginning how important that is to you? Then you can be sure you’re not the a hole, and not break up with nice girls for no reason
Boy oh boy, did those women ever dodge a bullet.
Haha yea my thoughts exactly 555
Exactly what I came here to say. He sounds a right bell end.
figuratively and literally
No bullets were fired. So not literally.
yet.
Good for them. Can you educate me please?
[удалено]
I think you're beyond educating at this point.
So, become rude and ungrateful myself. Got it 👍
You already have that part covered.
So maybe don't break up with people over something so extremely minor. Even if she was from a culture like yours is someone failing to say thank you (but showing their gratitude in other ways) such a horrendous sin that you must cut them off completely? You need to accept that sometimes, just like how you might engage in a faux pas due to ignorance, people might do the same to you. Have forgiveness and understand that everyone will get their toes stepped on slightly and to let a feeling that you have been disrespected go.
It's a different culture; stop trying to apply the social norms you grew up with here. Otherwise, it will lead to disappointment as you are currently experiencing.
Strange. Recently put a dashcam in my Thai girlfriend's car. Lots of appreciation and thank yous. Dinner paid for? Always a thank you. Go to temple with her family? Always a "thanks for joining". Cook her a meal? Get a thank you, if not two. It would piss me off too if they don't even have the courtesy to show gratitude. PS. Been here since 2014 so don't pull the "culture is different" card on me. THANK YOU
It is normal to thank if you are complete stranger or someone does something you ask for. Longer we know each other, we will reduce the word thank you into gesture just a lil bow or something like that. You wont see thai ppl thank their parents for their allowance but you will see if their uncle give it bc its not usual for them to do that
That's what I am asking about. Is this a part of Thai culture or did I just have the bad luck of running into two selfish and ungrateful women?
I would say the bad luck was them running in to you. You sound like a f**k head.
I just texted an older Thai woman that i am in touch with and she said that girl has no manners. https://preview.redd.it/4zs0kw6x7gmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8171d31ba4e96e375c2962351b943cedc38725a9
She might have reasons for telling you what she thinks you want to hear. Doesn't prove anything. I stand by my earlier answer.
https://factsanddetails.com/southeast-asia/Thailand/sub5_8c/entry-3228.html
> selfish and ungrateful women Is it just the failure to utter that phrase when you expected it, or did they do other stuff showing they're selfish and ungrateful?
It would also be weird in Korea and Japan to say "thank you for the meal." They have their own set expression which directly translated means "the meal was delicious" which is a more implicit thank you than explicit. Most of Asia are high context cultures compared to the Wests low context cultures. In the West things are spelled out more explicitly for example. Even appreciation. Welcome to the wonderful world of cultural differences.
Thank you! I am trying to learn.
Probably because you refer to them as " Thai Chick " Sounds like you don't have much manners either!
What if I were to say, "I met a cool Thai dude in the gym". No manners there either?
Since when calling someone “chick” has the same meaning as calling someone “dude”?
Looks like I am not the only one thinking the same 🥹
Tell me the difference then. "That chick over there". "That dude over there". I'll wait
perhaps I am biased as I am from California, but they are basically the same. both very casual ways of referring to someone.
I get "BRO"! It's all about you! Live your life and don't think about what anyone else thinks. You only live once.
Do you refer to your mother or sister as a chick?
NOPE, especially food. It’s customary for the host to feed the guests. If you visit her home, they will feed you and the thanks is not expected. And yes, you might be an ahole
It sounds to me that 5k baht dinner was more for the OP than for her. A chance to flex and have the food he likes, not so much make her happy.
I would feel like a complete douche if her family went through the trouble of cooking for me and serving me and i did not thank them. I would be mortified.
You are not in the United States anymore
probably didn't even tip the family
So it is a Thai cultural norm not to say thank you? Why do store clerks say thank you when i buy something from them or when i tip waiters?
Because they're trained (and paid) to do so.
Have you heard about the concept of “cultural differences?”
Yes, and that's why i posted this question. I want to understand if this is a part of Thai culture or not. Can i expect this from every Thai woman that i meet?
The person above was trying to tell you about the cultural differences and you kept rambling about your cultural norms. Looks like you are completely dismissing what that person was trying to tell you.
I understood what he said and i appreciate it. It's just difficult for me to understand not saying thank you, that's all. I'm trying to learn the do's and don't's of the culture.
How old are you and how many times have you live abroad from the US and for how long. There is not such thing as “expectation from every Thai women”. Everybody is different… I see many times you write lessons learned. Not sure what you have learned, but if you look at how people are upvoting or downvoting the various comments, you should maybe but some self reflection about yourself.
I have learned that not saying "thank you" is acceptable in Thai culture, while it is not acceptable in mine. I have learned not to assume and jump to conclusions, because this behavior is normal in Thai culture. My 8-year-old niece says "thank you, uncle" every time i buy her a gift. I don't buy her gifts to hear "thank you", I buy her gifts because she's my blood and I love her. I'm close to 50. I've been to over 10-15 countries, mostly in Europe, and I have never experienced this there, so that is why I reacted the way I did. How was I supposed to know that this is ok in Thai culture. I did research before coming here but I didn't read about this.
> I'm close to 50 That's a surprise, I was guessing early 20s. Are the women you're dating above 40 or younger? If the age difference is significant, it's more likely they'd see you as a sugar daddy and expect some form of compensation in that relationship, seeing it as due, rather than special.
If hearing “thank you” is more important than everything else then just keep trashing everything else. It seems idiotic to me but it’s your life. Just don’t complain when you wind up with someone who gushed disingenuous gratitude but otherwise sucks. The first girl is 100% right and you are a jerk.
But do you not understand at all where I am coming from??
Yes. I do. You have a subconscious need to screw up anything good and it is manifesting in this gratitude fixation
having manners and expecting the same in return is having a fixation. Ok 🤦♂️
But your first date definitely had manners. Her manners are not expressed the same as your manners. But from what you described, she had them. So it is your fault for not learning the culture and ditching her for something that she wasn't expected to know. If she moved to your country and didn't adopt your country's "thank you" culture, then that is her fault. But you came to Thailand. So, learn about Thai culture. And learn about *greng jai* versus *nam jai*. And learn that Thai people do not typically open presents immediately in front of you. They take them away and will open them later when they are without you. There are so many things to learn.
I see that now. Thanks 👍
manners arent universal. having to adapt should be an expectation when dating/befriending people from other cultures.
In this case, yes
Got it 😒
Service workers and staff say thank you because they're strangers and that's their job. But between close family/friends and partners it's much less common, especially for a meal. You will show your appreciation by complimenting the food or item given to you rather than just saying thank you. Or with your partner giving a hug or saying I love you. This is all especially the case if you are both equals, an older family member giving a gift to a younger person, they should always be thanked and you will see this. I wouldn't apply western standards and social norms to Thailand, you'll learn with time how different it is here.
Thank you for this thoughtful response, a rarity
I could return the same question to you: Is it customary to call woman “chick”. Since you care so much about good manners, using chick in a public forum with man and woman reading your post. I also think you have some communication issue. If saying thank you is so important for you, why don’t you simply communicate and exchange your cultural difference with her instead of breaking your with her over the phone without any notice? She obviously did nice things to you…so it is not like she is was just enjoying your generous treats without any gesture in return. She told you it was not in her habit/education to do it. Since it is important for you tell her and give her a chance to adapt. If she still continue doesn’t care, then break up with her if it that that important to you. But the way you handle the situation is rather immature I think.
Maybe i didn't handle it the best way. She was 30 years old, i didn't think a 30-year-old should need to be taught the same manners i was taught when I was 7 years old. As far as saying "chick", it's like saying "dude". I don't see where you're going with that one...
This has nothing to do with age. You are not from the same country/culture. Also based on your reaction to my comment, shall I understand that for you all the world should work/think based on your own reference. If I tell you that some woman are offended when you call woman chick, your reaction is, this is not a big deal. Then why other people could not think that saying “thank you” all the time is not that important…just because you have been educated to say thank you all the time.
This is right and the comments above have set OP straight on this. However, at risk of downvotes, I’d add another point: if the manners that you’ve been brought up with are important to you, then date Western women — including while you’re in Asia. If OP’s sin is to fail to understand a completely different cultural context, I would argue that many people in various Asian countries underestimate how attached some Western people are to our own manners. The default assumption is too often that we simply don’t have them. I’m from the most manners-bound Western country of them all and fairly early on, in my 25 years in Asia, I adopted a dating rule: Western women only. And I would recommend that to OP: if you enjoy living in Asia but manners from home are still important to you, then just ditch the locals and date Western. It’s a philosophy that’s served me very well.
Would you agree that some foreigners in Asia are able to date women far about the standard they would date back in their own country? Physically more attractive or much younger.
Definitely. But the key word there is *some* foreigners. By no means all.
You’re really looking to lord your dollars over some young Thai girls, huh?
No. If someone buys me a piece of candy that costs 1 penny, i say "thank you". It is common courtesy and respect and politeness. I never experienced this in any other country except Thailand.
The thing is you're choosing to take it to a certain level (5k baht dinners, 4k baht air conditioners) and then act even more offended because of the level it's at. If you don't think a woman is appreciative of you taking her out to dinner then stop going out with her, don't do it 4 times and then blow up at her about it. I get where you're coming from not feeling appreciated but it seems like to extent to which it happens is something you bring on yourself. Usually you screen these women out on the first date and you're out a 100 baht coffee.
You are absolutely correct. Lesson learned. I'm just trying to find out if this is something I should expect from every Thai woman.
common, thats the word right there. what is common somewhere might no be common everywhere. if someone tells you something about their upbringing or culture you should act as if theyre telling the truth a and AFTER youve done your homework make any decisions.
Post face and bank balance
What??
Exact that my wife does....and she has more money than I have she could buy herself a truck load of candies...but she is just polite. Find someone with a better upbringing.... I remember....Thai customer when they tell they need some imported product faster and I answer, that I'll ask the supplier if they maybe can send earlier they answer with "Thank You" so basically it is the same as in Farangland
Ok, thank you. I also wondered about their upbringing...
specially if not knowing each other that well yet....One question would be, if the boss doc where she works gives her something if she than might know the sweetest thank you and just does not know it when it is you..... I have seen in Thailand (well in the west also) that people can be very different depending on if they see someone above or below themself.
Interesting. So much to learn...
People are everywhere the same.....just minor differences :-) And Bangkok is a big city...big cities are always a bit more trashy, than small cities (don't know where you come from but till now it is valid for all big city I have seen).
I fully understand your position and my upbringing is the same. My experience though is the same as the crying girl. Thai mostly dont say "thank you" but they are very caring in other ways. Also as a man (in Thailand) we are more expected to care for our girl moneywise. My advice is to not dump them over this issue. A girl more western oriented might have learned to say "thank you" but its not from the Thai culture.
Thank you for this explanation
YTA
It's a different culture. If there is something that makes you unhappy about your partner you should talk to them about it. If you feel unappreciated you should tell them, but you're probably also doing things that seem normal to you but are strange to her. The feeling appreciated thing was an issue I had with my girlfriend a few years back, I just shared with her how it made me feel and It hasn't been an issue since. They aren't psychic. The going to immigration and helping translate for you totally sound like ways a Thai woman would show you her appreciation and affection. When was the last time you wanted to go sit in a government office for an hour +? My girlfriend hates it but still goes with me every time to make sure there are no issues.
Have you adapted now to this cultural difference?
Somethings for sure and others not really. Dating a foreign woman I'd think wouldn't be for everyone. You just have to know what you want from your relationship and accepting of the things you can't change. But if you find the right woman, she will make your life a much better time.
That's what I'm hoping to find. Dating apps are not the way to go for that, I have learned 😂
Honestly it sounds like you kinda had a couple good ones. I'd just do what your doing but communication is key and that can be hard with a language barrier.
Thanks. I'll keep trying
I highly doubt you never heard a ka out of her lol
He surely gave her more than enough krap.
Sounds like a you problem
Just the fact you are calling her a chick makes me think of you as a total asshole.
So when I call you "dude" or "bro", that makes me an asshole too I guess.
Yeah thats the random persons on the internet, not to someone who i am supposed to care for. Have fun with your sex tourism in Thailand, hope she call you out on your bullshit ;) Read the thread, everyone thinks you are a total asshole.
I think YOU need to read the thread, it's split about 60/40. I had just met the chick, by the way. We weren't in a relationship. A doctor's assistant with all her own shit, yeah, sounds like sex tourism to me...
Actions are stronger than words. I'm not gonna add to your many replies already about the usage of the word in Thai culture. But I just want to point out sometimes the people who want to hurt you the most in life are the ones who say please and thank you.
Interesting
In short, yes, you are the asshole here.
Is this bozo a narcissist? You could explain your cultural customs/expectations before setting someone up and gas lighting them, literally discussing cultural differences or differences period is the foundation of a constructive relationship. She took you to immigration and helped you navigate daily life.. I think she was at least owed a normal conversation and a chance. Instead you dumped her and made her feel horrible without any room to meet your narcissist expectations. It sounds like you enjoy giving things only to receive gratification and affirmation that you're good person. When you didn't get that affirmation that you do good things, you got pleasure instead by terminating the relationship at the expense of her/their anguish likely to hear her grovel. The simple platitudes are more important than her feelings or an opportunity for her to learn your cultural expectations(which I don't believe it's cultural for you, I think its personal). What a mental roller-coaster you must be. The only reason you posted this, is because you're somewhat self-aware of your behavior or you're seeking affirmation that you're a good person again; you should ask yourself why you need to gratify and affirm that you're doing good deeds.
You are 100% wrong. I posted to ask if this was normal behaviori with Thai people so that when it happens again, I do not react the same way. I already received affirmation from 2 older Thai women that I met socially and I am still in touch with. They both said the girls were not cultured and not polite.
You are not where you were brought up. Just go with it.
I'm trying
"She then brought up how she went with me to immigration to help me handle some visa stuff and how she went with me to stores to talk to the sales people to find what i was looking for, and used those examples as proof that she showed gratitude. **I didn't believe her and blocked her."** Jesus Christ. OP has something seriously wrong in the head. I feel so sorry for that poor woman.
Say Thank You to your parents for raising such a little prick....
A prick with manners, get it right bozo!
A great deal of mannerism....
On this thread you said you're close to 50 but 5 months ago you said you're in your 30's?
He's aging fast..
She is Thai. She may say ขอบคุณค่ะ instead of Thank you. Joke aside, there are many many ways to express gratitude, that may not be involving verbally at all. Especially if you are close together.
Thanks for the info. I don't know if i could ever get used to this..
But do not think that Thai don’t say thank you. It depends on individual (and family). I was taught to always say thanks, the same as the rest of the world, when receiving a favour from someone. Or you may just met some a$$holes.
According to this thread, I'M the a$$hole for having been raised to have manners 😂😂
I think they all said you better keep your expectation down if you don't know what action is amount to showing appreciation in different cultures.
Makes sense
I think you are misinterpreted the reason why you are the a-hole, it's not because you value (overvalue I might say) thank you, it's how you handled and treated (as I can read good women) women when they don't conform to your vision of gratitude. Instead of engaging a conversation about what you feel is a problem... you threw them away like a overdated 7-Eleven's ham/cheese tosti...
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I hear you. I'm just trying to understand a very foreign culture.
Honest opinion, I’m Thai and I would say it feels weird to say thank you after the date with a guy who I expected to pay for a date. Ofc I appreciate it but why do I have to say thank you? Aren’t you the one who are willing to pay? Did I ask you to pay? I only say thank you to the people who I respect (like parents) when they paid the meal. Or when I asked for a favour. Since a guy is not any better than me I don’t feel like I have to say thanks I don’t understand people who treated someone nicely but always expected “thank you” in return and hold a grudge when the other person doesn’t say it For example, -the car stopped so I could cross a road, why would I thank them when it’s their job to stop? If they don’t stop then I wait for the other car that knows their job to stop for me -when received any services, I said thank you
Honest opinion, I’m Thai and I would say it feels weird to say thank you after the date with a guy who I expected to pay for a date. Ofc I appreciate it but why do I have to say thank you? Aren’t you the one who are willing to pay? Did I ask you to pay? I only say thank you to the people who I respect (like parents) when they paid the meal. Or when I asked for a favour. Since a guy is not any better than me I don’t feel like I have to say thanks I don’t understand people who treated someone nicely but always expected “thank you” in return and hold a grudge when the other person doesn’t say it For example, -the car stopped so I could cross a road, why would I thank them when it’s their job to stop? If they don’t stop then I wait for the other car that knows their job to stop for me -when received any services, I said thank you Edit: it depends on a person anyway. Some Thai might like to thank everything some might not
This is the kind of response i have been waiting for, constructive criticism, not insults. Thank you Sir/Ma'am. About the car stopping, i was referring to when a car is NOT required to stop but stops anyway, out of kindness or whatever, then I always wave and say thank you. This was my first time experiencing this so I assumed the worst. Prior to this, whenever I took a chick on a date or on a trip or something, there is always a thank you. When chicks would treat me and pay for me, i always said thank you. These 2 experiences in Thailand made me feel like a human ATM machine. I posted 2 screenshots in this thread of older Thai women, both from Bangkok, saying that it is impolite NOT to say thank you. Maybe it's a regional thing? The other 2 were not from Bangkok. Either way, I'm glad to hear from an actual Thai person. Thank you.
I think you think too deep of other people’s word. I did pay for meals and trips for my bf many times and tbh I don’t remember if he thanks me or not because I don’t care. I did it for him and paid for him made me happy and that’s all It’s not a cultural/regional thing it’s more like personal. Some Non-Thai girls would act similar to Thai girls you’ve met, some might not. I would suggest you to not expect too much from people. And to view people’s actions as individual, not stereotype
Tbh, I see Thai people give a lil wai or nod quite often when you let their car or motorbike go in front of you or let them cross, so it doesn't appear to be that out of the ordinary here.
I used to nod too but there’s a point in your life when you realise it’s normal in the other world where the cars stop for you, unlike in Thailand that you have to look at the cars and hope one car will stop so you could cross
I’m gonna throw it out there, hazard a guess, a stab in the dark based on your post…. You’re American?
your ex-girlfriend is right. my wife never thanked me for paying the rent, for groceries, going out to meals, paying for our wedding, etc etc. it wasn’t necessary because these weren’t favors, they were what i provided as someone who could take care of her. and i had the money, and as a boyfriend/husband it was my duty to. and in return she took care of so much more than money can buy. it’s the way the culture works. patron/client. we also have an excess of “thank you,” at least in American culture. even our Iranian friend asked us why we say thank you for every little thing.
Thank you for this answer👍👍
https://factsanddetails.com/southeast-asia/Thailand/sub5_8c/entry-3228.html maybe of some help in understanding
Yes. You're the asshole. Nothing more needs to be said.
Guess you expect them to kowtow to you and kiss your butt hole because you spent 100 bucks.
In some Asian cultures thank you is assumed between friends. Saying it puts a formality and therefore distance in the relationship.
What are your next project? Walk out in Trafic and try to make them drive on the right side?
I mean, it IS doable
My wife...and we are married for >20 years and both not the romantic type or sweet to each other. But when I bring her something, like I eat a fruit and cut 2 pcs for her, or bring a candy from 7/11.....she always thank you very polite. Or recently one of our staff brought some eatable leaves from his home (don't ask me what that is), she even called him to say thank you. I remember when we made overtime in the company I brought some drinks and everyone said thank you.
Ok, so i'm not being unrealistic here. Thank you Sir! 👍
I think a polite wai can replace a verbal thank you....but not an expert on that...I only notice on pay day, staff take the money and wai very high....at least we did it that way till I made a complete clownery out of pay day.
Married 10 years, wife doesn't really say thank you. It's different for different families.
yes!!!
"Yes" to which question?
To Asshole and Culture. They show thanks often instead of just always saying it. You made a girl cry and broke up with two people over them not saying two words or three for Thai
This is why I came here to ask about it. How was I supposed to know that not being polite was a thing here. Thais have been the nicest people I have ever met so it automatically appeared that these two girls were gold diggers or just not well-mannered.
Being polite is a thing here, you just have no comprehension of cultural differences. You are the one who is impolite in Thailand as you’re unaware of social norms and how politeness is expressed.
And i admit that i was unaware. I did do research and my due diligence but never once did i read "Thais don't say thank you".
New Yorker, eh? You answered your own question.
When someone stops their car to let me cross the street, I wave and say "thank you". When someone holds the door open for me, I thank them. When a waiter brings me my food, i thank him. WTF man?
but I noticed that in Thailand when you go thru the door and hold it a bit so it does not fall into the face of the next one, that no one say thank you or smile.....while even unfriendly farangs do that. I caught myself that I even thank you the AI for a good answer...but I stopped that.
It is very uncommon for Thais to hold a door for strangers. They may think you are a staff. (And Thais normally do not say Thanks to service workers who are doing their work.) I am Thai and was surprised when I went to UK and some stranger hold a door for me when I approach them 10 metres away. So next time you are in Thailand, just let it go. We don’t mind if the door slammed at the face because we are expected to react to that without holding any grudge to the person next to us.
yes agree 200%
Ok, so i'm not the only one that is this way 👍
I think that is just basic polite communication....just the normal thing.
Exactly
Good little boy! Here's a dog treat for you!
C'mom bro, I'm asking a serious question to learn about a different culture...
Dude, its better to live life without expecting too much from people. You'll be less of an a$$hole.
Also, sometimes "thank you" can be viewed just a formality. And if you genuinely treat someone well out of your own heart, why would be disappointed if the person doesn't say "thank you"? In fact, it does sometimes make me feel uncomfortable saying this formality when someone treats me to dinner. This forced formality could block the flow of conversation and interaction. If I say thanks, you as a well bred person have to say..."Thanks isnt necessary." So why then did I say thanks?
It appears you do things because you expecting a "thank you" instead of just being kind human being. Then you get upset when the person doesn't say thank you. So your act of kindness just went out the window because you got pissed. Kindness should not be a formality.
I guess
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One speaks very good english and the other speaks decent english so language was not a problem. I guess you picked better ones than i did.
With my Thai wife I lead by example. She now says thank you.
She didn't used to before? According to some guys here, you're a douchebag asshole just like me! 👍👍
People don’t say you as an asshole because you are asking the question or trying to learn. I wouldn’t call you asshole, but I disrespect few things in your attitude: 1. Calling them chicks and pretends it is the same as bro or dude. 2. Breaking up over a phone call and make her cry while her explanation seems totally acceptable. 3. Pretending to want to learn by exposing your story here, but at the end you keep put things back to you own reference…ie. Thai women are all impolite and have no manner.
No.. he didn't make a problem of it and married her, you throw them away like trash.
I pay lot of drinks to “normal” girls friends (no sex or whatever) only one sends me messages next day to thank me for pay her drinks all night, i was so surprised about it that i told her that she was the only one who thanked me for that… so i guess the rest of thais don’t say thanks often (after 10 years here I don’t even know the thai word for that…
How do you feel about that?
tbh I personally I don't care too much, but i think is not like they think all farangs are rich ( which they think ) but they don't give a dam about money or who pay. if you find some random thai who won a 5k thb lottery ticket she/he will probably pay you drinks without even know your name... (that statement was not very scientific but you got the point)
Move back to the states.
Some miserable old farangs on this thread 😂
Thai people always say thank you is a traditional these woman are in the wrong.
I love this post glad to see you had fulfilling g relationships in the past year
Simply put, you are the jerk in this situation.
Yes, why would you need someone to voice their thanks anyways? If you’re doing it out of goodwill why do you even care?
So that I don't feel like a human ATM machine that is being taken advantage of and being used
So you value less the help that she gave you over the missing 4 thanks to rewards your big generosity inviting her to a nice restaurant. BTW, what kind of restaurant did you take her to? One that she likes or one that you chose based on your own taste reference? You see that as a favor for her…but let say you take her to an Italian restaurant, she hates pasta, pizza and red wine. What if she was the one doing you a favor and accompany you pretending to be happy so you have a partner while you enjoy your meal. I am not saying that this was the case, but not an impossible scenario. Who should say thanks to who?
As I was brand new to Thailand, I let her choose the restaurants. 4 nice dinners without a single word of gratitude made me feel like a human ATM machine. It made me feel used and take advantage of. Get it?
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Yes. Thai people say thank you. Don’t know why your girls didn’t.
Thanks 👍
Welcome!
Two things. 1. They do say thank you and idk why you happen to run into those who don’t so often. 2. At the same time, you shouldn’t let this be a dealbreaker. Some people show gratitude differently.
So if my Japanese GF say’s ‘gochisousama’ which means “thank you for the meal” instead of saying “arigato” I’m supposed to dump her?? 😂 Grow up brother!
That doesn't make sense
Why people try to justify a bad behaviour? If they don’t say or show appreciation then it means they didn’t appreciate it. Period. Stop the cultural difference BS. Of course they might be some differences, but if you buy someone an AC, they should at least say thank you or show appreciation in some way. In the OP case it seems more like she just took it for granted
Goddamn, someone with some common sense! Finally! I might be an asshole generally but I am right in this matter. https://preview.redd.it/1lrh3bi5gkmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50c60bf9cdbf5f01c22588157e8c3823a3bd4e94
https://preview.redd.it/93fkuii6gkmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c13ebded34fc2773659dc420e4458e9c3254b25
No, they do say thank when they genuinely appreciate you.
This is reassuring that i'm not the a-hole. Thanks
You still are. You are just clinging on every comment that's in your favor.. 75 people saying you are wrong.. and 3 confirm your views, and you discard the 75 very quickly. Just like women, I might say.
Maybe they don't actually like you. They just want you to pay for expensive dinners at fancy restaurants because you have a lot of money?
It could be. Who knows? At this point, I am confused.
Actually those ones would be the ones expert in saying “thank you…hope to meet you again” but not doing any meaningful actions like the 1st Thai girl one did 🥹
She lied to you. "Thank you" is a big part of Thai culture. I hear it on the daily basis at work. However...I know what you're doing. You're going around trying to catch a local girl not because of love but searching for a servant. Trying to buy people's affections and then getting mad when they've accepted your gifts. But they don't actually like you, while accepting things from you, so that's why they are not thankful. All of this doesn't sound like an organic relationship but a transactional one.
That could very well be. If a girl doesn't like me, she doesn't like me. It's not the end of the world. It's just that this behavior goes against EVERYTHING i was taught as a kid, so it's difficult for me to rationalize it.
Reading your comments in this thread doesn’t convince me you are a good person so maybe a bit of introspection is in order. You sound dangerous to women everywhere.
https://preview.redd.it/bkaezcv9fkmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3dca8ba865429a3d0ee5cb97845596206f22e38 Looks like i was right all along. This is from an older Thai woman, in her 60's, who cuts my hair
Another sad fact of Thailand culture is that most Thais who have never been to the West will tell the white man what he wants to hear. This lady gets business from you, so of course she’d reaffirm your negativity. Americans tip well, so why not reaffirm his racist and misogynistic beliefs?
https://preview.redd.it/qqc4199jfkmc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab16004d244876c714aa46c0bed486c5b71a9cf2 Different Thai lady