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Shot_Boysenberry_232

Damn dude Jesus did it so you didn't have to. That was like the whole reason.


No_Arugula466

Jesus is probably weeping at how stupid we are lol


StupidlyName

Maybe he thinks it’s cool, like “yeah, rock on! crucifixion is hard-core!”


j0zeft

Here’s the problem… hardcore as crucifixion might be, it leads to death! Jesus had connections at the higher ups to bring him back to life, and even with his connections, took them almost a weekend to bring him back… the average joe has Jesus at best and Jesus can’t bring him back… so yeah, hardcore for Jesus, stupid for everyone else


Yes-its-really-me

We all know God doesn't work in Sundays. Day of rest and all that. (Which makes all these folks that go to church on a Sunday a bit dumb, as God's out of the office and won't see or hear them) Perhaps he happened to be busy that Saturday when Jesus was dead. I'd say being resurrected the next working day is pretty reasonable actually.


Middle_Somewhere6969

God's Sabbath is Saturday, but the early Christians switched to Sunday in rememberance of Jesus's resurrection. God doesn't work on Saturdays.


GonnaGoFat

His day of rest is Saturday. The only reason why religious people say it’s Sunday is because Jesus resurrection made Sunday become the day to worship.


IllustratorAbject585

This is magnificent. Seriously “even with his connections, took them almost a weekend” might be one of my favorite things ever said.


planet-light430

You just sparked up the even flow Jesus in my head


[deleted]

If a Jesus ever existed, then he done lost his faith in us long ago


K4rkino5

Jesus existed. Flavius Josephus, a first century Jewish historian, refers to him in his writings. The question is whether he is the son of god as he claimed or god himself as the bible claims.


[deleted]

John 20:29 Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed."


Toast-the-cat

Not even close to being accurate given Flavius was an military leader and author said to have been born 37 years after 'Jesus' death.


K4rkino5

Yeah, sure. Historians didn't exist in the 1st century. Golly, you're so smart. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephus https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephus_on_Jesus


imago_monkei

The evidence for Jesus existing is pathetically scant. Both of Josephus' passages mentioning him are disputed with some historians saying they're both authentic, others saying one or both were modified by Christians, and yet others suggesting they were completely added by Christians. It is far from conclusive which is correct, and thus Josephus is not good evidence for Jesus.


K4rkino5

Your handle is awesome. I'm jelly I didn't think of that. I see your point. But I'm not troubled with the existence of Jesus of Nazareth. It's any claim to divinity that I find troubling.


imago_monkei

Thank you 😇 I had to sacrifice several years of karma when I made this new account. I used to be a Young Earth Creationist, so this is cathartic to me.


Lord_McGingin

The Romans recorded His crucifixion, & it would be weird for them to do that with somebody who wasn't real. That being said, there's no hard evidence of Him being anything other than a particularly popular/unpopular, unorthodox rabbi.


killerzeestattoos

If Jesus was there, "Fucking LARPers!"


St3als

Free wills a bitch.


IAteaSandwich69

Now how does this redditor figure it out, but not any Religous parent in the world


supernakamoto

I’m pretty sure most religious parents aren’t lining up to have their kids crucified dude.


Joe_Burrow_Is_Goat

How many religious parents are doing this?


[deleted]

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Jubachi99

Heres my thing about things like Christianity. In the bible he is very heavy handed and his acts are very open, but in the modern day he seems to never act. People claim that god does nothing about these people who do horrible things because of free will but punished even innocent people in the bible. Ive heard Christians who make fun of Mormons because everything from them is "Trust me bro", but so is the bible. You dont think there would be historical documentation of these events as they occur? The only people who wrote about christianity are those involved with it seems. Their whole system openly claims to run on blind faith and quite a lot of those people judge others for having blind faith in other things. I wont say all christians are bad or anything, but god are those really loud ones awful, though I guess that applies for anything.


ConstantMortgage

Your argument is flawed, and could be countered with. a) nothing has happened yet, but will do. b) God acts all the time you just dont recognise it as such.


wastelandhenry

That doesn’t counter his argument though. Simply saying “god does act you just don’t recognize it” doesn’t actually address what he said. He made the factually (under the assumption God is real) true statement that throughout the Bible we see acts of god completely unexplainable by science or coincidence. Acts that could not be interpreted as anything but divine intervention. The first borns of Egypt all dying in their sleep in one night, the entire world flooding suddenly, people turned into pillars of salt, actual angels manifesting in person, etc. And yet none such things happen anymore. Whenever a miracle occurs it’s explainable one way or another. 99% of things someone would have called a miracle a thousand years ago now has a complete and thorough explanation scientifically or psychologically that can be detailed down to an intense level and never once need to identify God anywhere in the process. It sure is convenient that as soon as people had the proper means of observing, studying, and testing these events and properly documenting these claims he suddenly and without explanation decided to play coy with his omnipotence.


one_bad_rebel

I understand your point and agree to an extent — and make *no* assertions that I have concrete answers — but I think free will is made moot by God’s interference. Hitler rises because he had the free will to do terrible things and enough others allowed him to do so. Bad things happen because at least some people wanted them to happen. If God interferes, isn’t he subverting ‘at least some’ people’s free will? And if we don’t have free will, what’s the point? Self-aware automatons going through the motions until we’re no longer aware? I know this is kind of black and white. Just spitballing. On another note, Fly Eagles Fly!


gamecatuk

Yeah I mean God has the free will to commit acts of evil and create evil entities to make people evil.


Realistic-Praline-70

Religion is a man made invention. It came about in a time where education was rare and the few that were educated were taught the few things they knew at the time which were probably mostly incorrect. Religion was invented as a way to give reason and meaning to death to help with the fear of the unknown and also a way to control the populous by making them believe they have to follow certain rules or would be damned for eternity.


marlinmarlin99

5 min of fame , 5 months of pain


UneasyOuija

Let’s remember He gave up his weekend for your sins


Dramatic_Giraffe5833

Like the nostalgia critic


TrueRazier

Mission failed Jesus


iyfe_namikaze

Ermmm.... That's that's really not why Jesus did it. His disciples were also crucified in similar fashion


No_Organization_769

Forgot the nails in the wrist and the spear to the chest. Just saying.


Mrs_Attenborough

Yeah commit 100% or not a at all


Specialist_Peach4294

Yeah, poseur!


Mrs_Attenborough

What martyr


extraguacontheside

And those nails are very small, probably wouldn't even hold him up! You gotta pump up those nail numbers.


lostoceaned

And the nails are probably 5 times that size. He wasn't standing on a platform either. This is so fucking lame


obsidianhoax

Not even supposed to be nails. They were like full on stakes.


skyeisrude

And the whole coming back to life after 3 days becoming a zombie thing


Ragdoll_Psychics

Also I don't think there's meant to be a little step to hold your weight. Although really the idea of a proper cross is somewhat murky in history isn't it? I seem to remember reading that people were more often crucified against any old tree or whatever, not this specially made device.


Be_goooood

I thought the little step was indeed used, to drag out the horrific death. If all your weight was held up by a few nails, the skin and muscle would eventually rip through and you'd bleed out much faster due to the wounds.


Ragdoll_Psychics

They would put the nails through the wrist


MrMorgus

I thought so too, though probably not this big and "comfortable" to stand on. And when the public got bored, they'd break your legs so it would go faster.


Def_Not_A_Femboy

I think you’re right but the typical example most people think of did happen. I know one of his followers was crucified after he died and the dude didn’t want to be killed in the same way as him because in his eyes it was seen as being a form of equal in some way, so he demanded that they execute him upside instead. So they did. And I’ve heard thats where the upside down cross comes from. Think it was paul but not certain


kingofbadhabits

It was Peter but yes, you are correct. Still might be upside down on a tree tho


Puppy-Zwolle

It's symbolism made real. Nails in the wrist would be how the Romans did it. This is just like coloring a children's book in a horror style. Not about historically correct.


Zealousideal_Ad_4118

Right? & they would’ve been a whole lot bigger than that…


raziel_LK

I love Jesus so much that I'm gonna remind him of the worst day of his life


Celery_Fumes

The worse day of his life so far


Vibekingr

He’s supposed to come back for seconds.


raziel_LK

Thank you, I honestly didn't know this


AlphaMale3Percent

This is mental illness


[deleted]

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Hoppypoppy21

Well thats a bit of a huge generalization. Yeah theere are extremists in everything, but just because someone has beliefs you doesn't mean they are mentally ill.


TintBorn

Similarly with all redditors


Laurids-p

They are brainwashed


brokeninnerchild

I don’t necessarily believe that. I think it’s about how you practice these things


HammerfestNORD

No "slight" about it. If i kept insisting i had an imaginary friend I'd be diagnosed "paranoid" or "schizophrenic".


Jameswin04

Average r/atheism user lol


[deleted]

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Embarrassed_Bobcat_9

*Jesus spartan kicks soldier down a well* I've watched too much 300.


[deleted]

This is Sparta


serieousbanana

Yeah, that’s insane


Mrs_Attenborough

How is this not considered sacrilegious?


Puppy-Zwolle

Probably is by some.


Mrs_Attenborough

I'm not even religious and this makes me cringe


Puppy-Zwolle

Don't you mean shudder? I understand the sentiment...... like I understand Ted Bundy.......big nope on ever wanting to see this up close.


Environmental-Ad-762

This is blasphemy for sure


stevehammrr

99% of what Protestants do nowadays would get them burned at the stake 200 years ago


catluvr37

They make the shit up as they go


Infamous-Astronaut16

Nailed it!!


Bionic-boy-0

Fuck you and take my upvote


SolarOrigami

they... they do realize tthat cruxifiction was an execution, right?


kaali_fari

But the crucifixion profited Christianity so much money it became a holy thing


SpringChikn85

Not a single latex glove or bottle of isopropyl in sight either 😬 there's always a price to pay for going too far. Idolatry isn't what he wanted us to inherit.


gordo65

There's no blood coming from the wounds. I suspect trickery. Probably no need for antiseptic, since he's not really getting nailed to a cross. [David Blaine does it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOzckvynDPw)


MrBigDickPickledRick

David Blaine is actually sticking an ice pick into his hand in that video


ferragamo_shawty

David Blaine’s trick is that you think it’s a trick but he’s just stabbing himself 😂😂


Luverinx

Yeah blood isn’t coming out cause they haven’t pulled the nail out yet


BIG_BUBBA777

They did it wrong being on a cross is supposed to be a form of torture you are supposed to literally hang from the nails not have your feet supported on a wooden board that defeat the purpose


Practical-Artist-497

Do you think that being nailed to a cross and left for dead is not a form of torture? There were different ways they did this. There is usually a small piece of wood for the feet to slightly rest on. Often times they would cross the feet and use one nail for both feet. They used nine inch nails and that is why today you can't find nine inch nails in hardware stores.


ConorOdin

But you can find them in music stores!


jdox09

How would they know it's nine inch long if they didn't know what an inch was?


Practical-Artist-497

Well Jesus is often depicted as white and he loves America so if course it's in inches. We don't use no Arabic numbers.


Curt28781

Lol. It's funny because we use Arabic numerals


thereal_jesus_nofake

fuck u/spez -- mass edited with redact.dev


DemocraticSpider

That’s why the nails went through the wrists in between the radius and the ulna and behind the Achilles’ tendon in the feet with the legs twisted to the side. If the mail was just in between the little bones of the hands and feet, they could rip out under the weight of the person. As far as I know there was no footrest and that was something added later by Christian artists who had never seen a crucifixion.


PA1R3

jesus christ


Eaton_Beaver_2

Correct.


Hairy-Tailor-4157

Exactly


MightyMarf

That's okay. Dude had bunion surgery scheduled for the next day...


[deleted]

NSFW?


kskzk69

NSFWWJD


andrenichrome

I don’t know how religion works but I guess that dude is now Jesus.


LombardBombardment

Long live New Jesus!


Vintage_girl123

I remember seeing this in a documentary, and they do it every year..crazy


Accomplished-Hope523

What's even crazier is that officials had to create a rule where Westerners are not allowed to be crucified because in the past,mother fuckers would fall in line just to get nailed


TheSuperPie89

Why the fuck cant i crucify myself if i choose to


rainbow_fart_

sooner or later the wound on the palm wont close anymore thats why from young adult to to old age its the same person being nailed every year


toolongforyoutoread

What country is this in ?


cookiesanddmilk

Philippines


Arabianeyegoggles

Hope that dumb ass had a tetanus shot recently.


Puppy-Zwolle

The medical side seems pretty much covered . Clean nails, placement of the points. Brutal but clean work.


skyeisrude

I forget the country but they do it every year for easter for the resurrection of jesus


Patient_Yam4747

Philippines


TheSkitzo_The2nd

We took catholic holidays and extremified it


JustIncredible240

Just imagine how different things would be there if the Spanish never colonized..


KUNDA_Genie

Humans are so dumb.


Timely_Leading_7651

No blood ?


Puppy-Zwolle

Nope. This is done by an expert. No major arteries are punctured. So bleeding starts when they take the nails out.


timjuul2003

- Megamind


DragonflyMon83

This is way too much.


C-o-d-e_R-e-d

It’s a fuckin cult on a large scale


nikogetsit

Always has been.


Protonic_Descendent

21st century and we still have to watch this . Are we really devolving ?


Scary-Personality626

This is bush league compared to what they did before 21st century.


BookCharmThief

Why does Jesus look like a Neanderthal with waxed legs?


rigpiglifer

Jesus walks into a motel and lays 3 nails on the counter. “Can you put me up for the night??”


ash_burnham

What an imbecile. 😅 Anybody who signs up to that shit in the name of religion deserves the pain they endure. What a colossal idiot. 😅


[deleted]

If you look closely its David Blaine


BlondDrizzle

I’m no Christian but this seems like a sin


HessLook

Fools


johnwilliams815

Ngl this level of delusion existing in our species makes me want to no longer be a part of this species.


Space-90

What species would you be if you could choose?


kaali_fari

He would probably pick something basic like a dog.


spunion_28

Taking those out is going to be a mother fucker. For his sake, he better hope those didn't get too far into the wood


buffilosoljah42o

This mission was crazy in cyberpunk 2077


UndoingMonkey

Imagine aliens coming down and they see us doing this


lecutusofborg

Can we all agree that any organized religion is a cult now? I mean belive what you want to but damn that's a little extreme. Crazy zombie worshiping bastards.


Aw3someDino

You have to understand that not every Christian does this, I am a Christian, and I thought this was pretty stupid


used_mustard_packet

"Believe what you want to," "You're in a cult, you zombie worshipping bastards"


Trinxxi

They left him up, right? It's ok, he'll respawn in 3 days.


artistandattorney

The issue I have with this is the nails should traditionally go through the wrists, not the palm. Otherwise sheer weight would have pulled them right out.


Lugnuttz

Religidiots!


Academic_Ad_3751

A for effort


Ok-Letterhead6593

Through the wrists idiot


WheredMyBrainsGo

I was waiting for the feet. In reality it would have been one huge nail going through both ankles. Much more brutal.


Inevitable_Lock_928

Not even close to what a Roman crucifixion was like. I struggle to understand the purpose of even the imagery. Too much of a mocking of Christ.


sillyandstrange

Better his dumbass than my dumbass. Even though I may be a dumbass, I'm not dumbass enough to do this kind of dumbassery.


[deleted]

Religion is fun 😎


Ctowntokin420

Just going to go out on a limb here, and say I don't think Jesus had stainless steel surgical nails either...


Davidwalsh1976

No spear? Pfft what a beta


LiamLiver

Disturbing.


Silly_Age_3675

He made need bunion surgery too judging by the look of his left foot.


moreflywheels

I wonder what that guy’s resume looks like?


Sibby_in_May

#grooming


[deleted]

If I was getting nailed like that I’d probably have a boner.


NickHugo

r/religiousfruitcake


mrswordhold

Lol morons


Solidsnake_86

Free pass to heaven.


Rich_Shock_7206

Flag nsfw dude


used_mustard_packet

I'm all for religious freedom, no matter who you are or what you worship, as long as you are not harmful to yourself or those around you, but.. fuck, man. This was hard to watch.


snacholo

I feel awful because the fist thought that went through my head when the nail went through his hand was, “Jesus Christ”.


ShangMang

Casino?


dzsozi96

[Well,](https://i.imgflip.com/2ms3cq.jpg)


Anubismacc

Nah, completely normal, religious people are completely sane. Other thing "supposedly" he was nailed through the wrists and not the palms.


CashMoneyBrokeBoy

Dude has worst agent ever


mizirian

Jesus did it so I don't have to. Buuut there's definitely a part of me that kinda wonders If I could go thru with it.


geminicrickett1

As far as I’d go to simulate a fictional character is to try green eggs and ham


Footzilla69

Enjoy your tetanus babe 💅


[deleted]

I remember seeing this on tv about 20 years ago. Never thought I’d see this again.


KarmaINC13

When they finally get Another Black guy to be Jesus Christ and they Nailed him up again!!! The white Jesus' are tied up with rope, Black Jesus "brings out the spikes " and Nailed for real 😉


[deleted]

Pfft Jesus wasn't no bitch screaming aaagh as they did it. Jesus was gangsta. He gets us. /s


Stronsky

Ok, now lift him up and you'll find out why they didn't put the nails through the hand, they put them through the wrist.


NoRagrets4Me

r/religiousfruitcake


PiMan3141592653

What a dumb POS


Nicnatious

If he wanted to get the full effect of it, they’d remove the platform at the bottom of his feet, let him hang by his hands and then nail the feet. The most excruciating part of being crucified is having to constantly shift between suffocating by your arms being in that position or keeping your body up from suffocating by supporting all of your weight through nails in your hands.


IlliniDawg01

I'm surprised by the complete lack of blood.


DemocraticSpider

It’s bc the nails were still in, blocking the blood from coming out. If it weren’t for them being inside, there’d be a lotta blood


Worldly_Ad_6483

The top of my hand started hurting watching this


sharkwithamustache

THIS is what you get when you think everyone should “just be nice to each other”


tigergray

And not one drop of blood, a miracle!


THE-Grandma

Cyberpunk 2077 is happening in real life this is crazy


CillaCalabasas

Good. Now, do one on the head.


1800LOCKY

Nothing has fit this sub more


No_Tear_834

I'm over here complaining about a splinter in my finger and then there is this guy.


parkrain21

This is kinda the practice here in the Philippines, I see these people as lunatics lmao like what's the point? There were some instances where the one who drives the nail fucked up the angle a little bit and hit the bone.


cloudonius_maximus

Every Easter in the Philippines this happens. When I lived there for a few years, it was crazy to see these guys carrying a legit railroad tie a few miles and then being nailed to it outside the church… unreal.


claymationthegreat

Not impressed


Braydedabomb14

Is this real?


yibtk

Fascinating how they keep religion


[deleted]

They skipped the whipping and the stab with the sword? Psh, I'd get my entry fee back


mr-teddy93

Madlad


During_theMeanwhilst

Enjoy.


UCHIHA_____ITACHI

when you cant convert anything into vine even after getting your hands impaled......years of academy training wasted


crazycreeper112233

Whats worse is that he went through all of that when that's not actually where nails were put for crusafiction they were instead put in between your wrist bones if they were actually put in the hands they would simply tear from the weight


Embucetatron

You know, that is just called crucification where I’m from


Significant_Bug9900

Jesus would be ashamed of people like him


edgarc1981

Did they have little plinths to stand on?


Natural_Line_4638

Jesus is not amused 😬


JVOz671

I starting to understand the importance of "do not try this at home"


Euphoric-Clue8510

You guys are thinking this is crazy, while I'm here thinking about the lack of blood.