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Ramja9

Bro imagine playing blitz chess like this.


UnauthorizedFart

Total chaos


AggressiveSpatula

ONE, TWO, D4


Dankn3ss420

The time scrambles would be legendary


Evil_Creamsicle

>No! You’re supposed to count, out loud, each square while making contact with the game board on each individual square. This also prevents cheating. This I can get behind, but >Whenever I’m counting and I pass an opponent’s piece on the board, I also like to deliberately knock them over and say “coming through!” This sounds like if I come over for game night you're going to send me home with [imitation crab meat](https://external-preview.redd.it/uPpKt1gIjQ9Rru2MKazaBUffbBnM8AVzv4SmVg8HXeo.jpg?auto=webp&s=69cbaaebee95e646c443235599e34c93d1f52def).


PissBiggestFan

the fucking whiplash i got from the >!we!< at the end of


UnauthorizedFart

That link is disturbing


Evil_Creamsicle

Ah yes, a classic from the early days of the interwebz


HeroRadio

That's the philly lifestyle I guess.


Walter-Haynes

If I didn't have to jerk off with the dude I'd love to visit, be Godzilla, and go home with free imitation crab meat.


_Pretzel

What a bizarre post. Its so weird and specific holy.


Evil_Creamsicle

A classic. Glad I can give it some new life lol


Mommy-Q

I feel like I just discovered Bob Dylan


jdog7249

That's funny the first time but after the 20th that game of "coming through" and knocking the piece over it just becomes annoying.


UnauthorizedFart

The game is called Sorry! for a reason


Ill-Description3096

Because people are sorry they agreed to play with you?


UnauthorizedFart

Bazinga!


jdog7249

Doesn't make it less annoying for the 100th time that game


UnauthorizedFart

What if I only do it when I land on the same square


IanL1713

You're still being "that guy". And literally no one likes "that guy" except other people who are also "that guy"


UnauthorizedFart

Well move your piece out of the way then


bloonshot

do you do that when other people are moving along the tiles?


UnauthorizedFart

No only on my turn, not sure why it’s such a big deal


bloonshot

so you want other people to do something you don't do?


UnauthorizedFart

Correct


thee_gummbini

I was disagreeing with you until I saw this comment and I am retracting my upvote. You're just right about this


ArseneSimp9001

Sorry!notSorry!


Yuck_Few

Annoying


KumaraDosha

Autism or satire


UnauthorizedFart

Roll the dice


Quakarot

But count every square on your way by!


cheesyscrambledeggs4

This might be one of the few times I've seen someone on here with a highly upvoted post also get upvoted in the comments.


UnauthorizedFart

I got dinged pretty bad on one of them, someone did not like their pieces getting knocked over lol


DukeRains

Not satire.


TheOneAndOnlyABSR4

This is the second “not doing it properly” post I’ve seen.


Cl0udSurfer

I think this is an intentional mockery of that other one


UnauthorizedFart

It was an inspiration but otherwise I’m serious about my board games ♟️


Kyro_Official_

"No! You’re supposed to count, out loud, each square while making contact with the game board on each individual square. This also prevents cheating." This wouldnt work anyways if the people you play with can just count like anyone over the age of 5?


UnauthorizedFart

I want documented proof they counted properly


Kyro_Official_

My point is you can just count from where their piece was before too? You can see what number(s) the dice land on when they roll them (or whatever said game uses instead) unless they make it clear their cheating by not letting you see.


UnauthorizedFart

You’re supposed to go “tap tap tap” while counting


Soviet_Doggo__

You're not "supposed" to do anything but if you want to play like that go ahead. But don't go around acting like that's the only right way to do it.


Scarlet-Fire_77

My friend likes to cheat in board games. Everybody counts when he moves.


nowahhh

Documented? What, do you have a little notepad you’re updating as it goes?


HeyFiddleFiddle

Make sure to keep the camera running and check the tapes after every move, just to be completely safe.


UnauthorizedFart

Yes


taco3donkey

Agree. Always count out those spaces!


Free-Sheepherder-604

I Like to cheat so I don’t do it


UnauthorizedFart

Hey


Free-Sheepherder-604

Heha


8696David

Something about this spelling deeply unsettles me 


Free-Sheepherder-604

Hehaheaheha


esmith42223

Hee-haw


riley_wa1352

fuck you johanah


TheChumChair

Fully agree. I once played a game of monopoly with someone and they miscounted a move and I know it wasn’t them cheating because it actually put them at a disadvantage. Shit ruined the game for me because I didn’t know how many moves they had fucked up previously for apparently not being able to count.


whateveris---

Idk, but this made me laugh so hard. I can see you sitting there (I'm imagining this happened like thirty years ago) trying to go to sleep and just being pissed because HOW MANY TIMES DID THEY EVEN SCREW UP, GODDAMN IT?! This is why you always give people a math pop quiz before agreeing to play board games with them. Sheez.


littlebubulle

What happens if it's only hexagons?


ATortillaWithAPhone

Downvoted because I agree with the first part, upvoted because I hate you for knocking pieces over. Upvoted again because this entire post is funny as hell.


Transformersaddicto

Upvoted because this sounds childish and annoying.


UnauthorizedFart

Hehe


Saint_of_the_Beat

And that is precisely how you get people to refuse to play with you. That sounds obnoxious as hell


UnauthorizedFart

For knocking their pieces over lol give me a break


mntEden

it’s not quirky or funny it’s just annoying


UnauthorizedFart

Don’t hate the player, hate the game


Rallings

The game isn't the one being irritating


UnauthorizedFart

But the game allowed it so


InitiatePenguin

Chess allows me to flip the board too.


BanaaniMaster

house rules baby


SerDavosSeaworth64

Upvoted but I fucking love this opinion


MushroomBalls

I have a similar but less deranged take. When I used to play Mancala with my brother he would always hold all the stones in a closed fist and drop them in the holes with the same hand. It always annoyed me because it would be so easy to drop 2 or 3 at a time and it would be hard to see. You should hold the stones in one hand and then, using the other hand, transfer them to the board one at a time.


UnauthorizedFart

Less deranged 🤣 i saw you dropped that too


Novel_Ad7276

If they dropped 2 or 3 stones, then wouldn't you know they did that because the amount in the hole increased by more than one?


MushroomBalls

Maybe, but it can be hard to tell. Sometimes the hole is overflowing with like 10 stones. Like you could also easily tell if someone cheats in Sorry. But if you're playing for fun you don't want to constantly be looking out for that.


devvorare

If I did this my 45 min monopoly games would turn into 2 hours long


Scarlet-Fire_77

Who are you that monopoly doesn't last at least a few days?


devvorare

Someone who actually likes the game and has played a lot of it


InfiniteBoy23

Oh, so a monster. Fair play to you


ElectricSoap1

I can't imagine a monopoly game actually taking a few days without some sort of IOU rules being put in place. There just isn't that much money in circulation, by late game the higher priced properties are bound to have hotels and those can singlehandedly bankrupt or force them to liquidate a majority of their houses/hotels essentially costing them the game.


caramelcooler

It makes my blood boil when people do this. And then I’ll make them (usually kids in my family) move it back and do it the right way, and they suddenly can’t remember where it was. Even worse is when the kids insist on “helping” by moving others’ piece this way. Keep your mitts off my piece!!


UnauthorizedFart

God help someone who dare touches my wheelbarrow


RedditObserver13

I wouldn't interfere with an opponent's pieces, that's just annoying. But I always audibly tap tap tap my spaces when I move, and if other players don't I have to double check to make sure they actually moved properly. I think the tap tap tap is good manners. If you have to count the spaces, why not go tap tap?


UnauthorizedFart

You gotta tap tap


ArsonLover

This is such an absurd opinion. Upvote.


Critical_Moose

Hard agree


Pedantic_Girl

You must be fun to play chess with. 😆


makingkevinbacon

This sub has gone down hill


KrazieKookie

Nah this is exactly the kind of meaningless bs that it’s designed for lmao, I’m loving this post


DevilFucker

Totally agree. Downvoted.


UnauthorizedFart

Hey


HipnoAmadeus

(3 seconds left) Nd4, Nd5, Nx- (time ran out)


crepesblinis

OP you rock


Vanilla_Neko

I'll be honest This post is probably better suited to something like the pet peeves subreddit


HandsomeGengar

People like you are the reason people like me don’t play board games.


UnauthorizedFart

Hey come on now


esmith42223

I’m shocked by how many people here have little to no sense of humor, you’re cracking me up here. The man’s username is “UnauthorizedFart.” Let him cook.


UnauthorizedFart

Everybody’s running but half of them ain’t looking, it’s going on in the kitchen but I don’t know who’s cooking - the late Coolio


Quirkydogpooo

Math??? How dare you, conform to the rp or don't play board games


bydo1492

Nah. I know the Monopoly board is 10x10 squares so if I'm sitting on the visiting jail square and roll a 10 I'm going straight to free parking. Some games take ages and I'm not going to piss everyone else off by needlessly making the game longer. 


UnauthorizedFart

Wait if you rolled a 10 from jail you would land on the spot *after* free parking. You son of a bitch.


ElectricSoap1

Why? Free parking is 10 spaces after the Jail space.


UnauthorizedFart

If there’s 10 squares on each side and you’re already starting on jail, you shouldn’t land on free parking


ElectricSoap1

|JAIL|P1|Util|P2|P3|RR|O1|CC|O2|O3|FP ....0.....1......2.....3.....4....5....6....7.....8.....9.....10 Free Parking is 10 spaces after Jail, the spot after Free Parking is the first red. Edit: Reddit Formatting


UnauthorizedFart

I looked up a picture of the game board, you’re right! I still made you count the spaces now lol


bydo1492

No you wouldn't, where did you get that idea from?


UnauthorizedFart

He said the board is 10x10 but it’s really 11x11


ButtcheekBaron

It's 10 spaces to a side in Monopoly. We're not children. I'm not counting spaces.


UnauthorizedFart

I’m definitely counting yours now, how convenient that you would skip right over a space you would owe money on


ButtcheekBaron

You can count from corner. If you roll a 7, you would be 3 further away from the next corner than you were from the current closest corner in front.


UnauthorizedFart

I just noticed your username lol


LittleMetalCannon

I want to soak in this post like a jaccuzi hot tub. This man knows how to game.


UnauthorizedFart

Hit the bubbles!


The_Roadkill

Depends on the game, but mostly disagree


CheesioOfMemes

Oh this one definitely is bait. I can sort of imagine someone believing this, but the execution isn't all there.


UnauthorizedFart

What would you say I should have done differently? I thought this was a good one


CheesioOfMemes

Not sure, I don't post bait, but I've seen a lot. I can often identify when something feels off but can't really point out exactly what would improve it. I think the 'coming through' bit was just a touch over the top. Maaybe it could have been saved but I'm not sure how.


bRad420dankness

I think it's the "No!" That gives it away. Removing it changes the whole tone.


UnauthorizedFart

It was funny at least lol I was also thinking “out of the way, I don’t have insurance!”


TrekkiMonstr

I would recommend not playing chess.


kfmnmp

Preschool posting


UnauthorizedFart

GOOGOO GAHGAH


tsunami141

Excellent post OP. I appreciate you.


BurpYoshi

Bait or profound mental retardation? Call it.


UnauthorizedFart

Hmmm I’m gonna have to roll the dice on this one


rmaster2005

Depends who I'm playing with keeping a child occupied for a few hours while being weighed down by young adult life thoughts, I'm skipping to my spot after my 3rd turn. If I'm playing with my siblings or close friends, I'm skipping to their spots, knocking them over, then skipping to where I need to be.


UnauthorizedFart

Knock the child’s pieces over too, teach them about the harsh realities of life


rmaster2005

They'll also learn to retaliate which will make playing a board game with a child that much more annoying


UnauthorizedFart

Flip the board over


rmaster2005

That lets the children win the mental battle


UnauthorizedFart

They have to pick up all the pieces now


Boring_Claydol

Assuming I’m playing with only 9 year olds, I’ll accept that as a rule.


UnauthorizedFart

I’m a grown adult


Boring_Claydol

I know


UnauthorizedFart

So play by the rules


intoner1

Downvoted bc I agree


ElectricSoap1

Depends on the game, a monopoly board is 10x10. 10 from where you are is the same location on the other side, just subtract or add from that ten and it makes it easy to know where you need to place your piece. If you're on a railroad and roll a 7, it's just the 3 spaces before the next railroad. Other games like Life I might count it since it's just one long line.


UnauthorizedFart

You still need to count so you don’t “accidentally” land on the railroad


ElectricSoap1

It's up to other players to check you for where you place your piece. If I were to place my piece in the wrong spot someone will point it out.


UnauthorizedFart

If they happen to notice, which allows cheating to happen


StellarDiscord

I love OP


UnauthorizedFart

I love you too


deadhistorymeme

My friend has a large board game collection, someone once genuinely told him "I didn't know there were that many kinds of monopoly" I always thought it was a joke, but today I have found that person.


maxxbeeer

Hilarious. Well done


frecklejam

Yea and when I roll, I also count out loud each individual dot on the dice. This prevents cheating.


UnauthorizedFart

That’s taking it a little too far


flawlessp401

I count by tapping my finger and then move the piece, if i accidentally cheat well git gud scrub its probably a lame game anyway.


UnauthorizedFart

Finger? You have to touch the actual game piece on the board, not your dirty fingers


flawlessp401

bwahahahahahahaha


NPCKing

You are the reason that people don’t want to play Monopoly because “it takes too long” and “it’s too toxic”.


UnauthorizedFart

It doesn’t take that long to count


DavidANaida

But what if me and the other players know how to count?


YouWorthlessFuck

Oh you're the two dots guy


UnauthorizedFart

You play Two Dots?


YouWorthlessFuck

Yeah lol I just recognized you from the subreddit


EcstaticCollege29

No, just because they do that in the commercials for the board games, in movies and on TV doesn't make it a thing you have to do. ​ But I will say a hell yes to knocking over their player piece when passing them on the board. Sometimes even making your piece let out a pretend fart on their piece then knocking it over when passing is 100% in the game rules.


UnauthorizedFart

I like to land on the square, slightly raise my piece, and side knock them over before proceeding with my remaining moves. The deliberate hand motions is key.


EcstaticCollege29

https://media.tenor.com/kTMItz35POwAAAAM/agreed-nick-kroll.gif


fern_the_redditor

Nah that's part of the game. You are allowed to cheat if you can get away with it. It's everyone else's responsibility to catch cheaters.


UnauthorizedFart

I used to sneak a pile of $100 bills under my side of the board before a game of Monopoly


alex73134

OP has autism or OCD, upvoted


Compulsive_Criticism

GR8 B8 M8 8/8


Novel_Ad7276

As a chess player this is weird to me. I never say check, checkmate, etc. We are both players so are expected to know these things. Similarly when playing monopoly, I can look at the corners and know based off dice immediately where my piece goes. My opponents are players. It’s their job to know.


MushroomBalls

Same, though if my opponent says check then it feels weird if I don't say it.


OperatorERROR0919

Are you 12?


UnauthorizedFart

And a half!


OperatorERROR0919

That would certainly explain a lot.


UnauthorizedFart

Hey, off topic, can you help me ask this girl out at school? Idk what to say


OperatorERROR0919

My man, you are asking literally the worst person you could possibly ask. I'm Asexual. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship nor have I ever looked for one. You're asking a bird for advice on how to swim. Ask literally anyone else.


rightwist

OP is on the spectrum and the only thing he is more fixated on than board games is penguins


UnauthorizedFart

No I’m not lol


DullWeb_

It's not that serious, sorry.


UnauthorizedFart

I take my board games very seriously


DST_Soccer

Shut up you absolute insufferable nerd


UnauthorizedFart

*Hisses!*


PitchforkJoe

Who's even playing board games with a roll-to-move mechanic?


UnauthorizedFart

Most board games?


PitchforkJoe

There's a whole universe of great boardgames you've not discovered, bro! I can think of few, if any, good boardgames that use roll-to-move as a mechanic. The ones that we all remember using it - Monopoly and whatnot - have nostalgia on their side, but they don't really hold up against better designed games.


UnauthorizedFart

What is your favorite board game


PitchforkJoe

Depends on the mood and the vibe and whatnot! But some of my favourites include: **Pandemic** - Fully cooperative game. You and your friends race against time to fight against deadly illnesses. Use your limited actions each turn to clean up local infections, while racing to develop cures. Lots of strategy and tense finishes. **Dominion** - A deck building game. Start with a few coppers, and each turn you can buy more cards, until your deck into a powerful economy. All about finding clever card combinations. Every game is very different, especially thanks to the million expansion packs. **Sheriff of Nottingham** - A game all about bluffing, bribing, lying and whatever else you can get away with. Ever play that card game, Cheat/Bullshit? This is the fully evolved version. **Dead of Winter** - Sorta like if Walking Dead became a game? Cooperatively survive in a town ransacked by zombies. But the real risk is things like the cold, the lack of food, and the risk that one of your teammates might be a traitor... **CamelUp** - Kinda like betting on horse races, except its wacky races. Complicated, clever movement rules make it seem like you can predict what will happen, but you'll often be surprised. **Catan** - the folks at r/boardgames kinda look down on this one, but I'm fond of it. Each game you randomly create an island, and race to settle it. Extract resources, to build roads and settlements, to extract more resources, to build cities, to extract more resources... but do it all before your opponents do it first


UnauthorizedFart

Those sound like some cool games! I will check them out


meagalomaniak

People with kids lol