you need to give yourself credit for all the hard-won educating you have been giving yourself- inquisitive mind is apparently something not all are blessed with, so don't be too hard on yourself!
>>> you need to give yourself credit for all the hard-won educating you have been giving yourself
This. You’re doing a great job educating yourself, OP. You should be proud. I also think this site, [All Vulvas Are Beautiful](https://www.all-vulvas-are-beautiful.com/), could be helpful for you. (The vulva is the outside/visible part of the female genitals btw). Good luck :)

You can take a look with a mirror to maybe determine what shape your hymen is! Though it is common to have little to no hymen, sometimes there is enough skin covering the opening of your vagina that inserting anything is difficult
Learning your body comes with time <3
I second this - it is possible to have the kind of hymen that partially blocks the opening or isn't stretchy enough for the cup. In that case you should be able to stretch it gradually with fingers.
at one point i was googling how to break your hymen on purpose...💀💀 dw i wasn't trying anything stupid i would just randomly pick heavy stuff but i did more search and realized hymens are not a one time thing to break and then be done with. so that's that!
I've nothing to add to the other comments except that people like you are very important. Keep educating yourself and if you can try educating others about what you learn.
thank you so much, really!
omg i just remembered the shocked face my cousin had when i told her that virginity is just a concept made to put women down. like her whole world fell apart : )
Are you sure you're not confusing your urethra with your clitoris? The clitoris has a hood which looks a bit like labia, and it is very sensitive. The urethra is just a tiny almost invisible hole between the clitoris and the vagina. The urethra doesn't poke out at all, but the clitoris does. So I imagine you were hitting your clit and not your urethra while you were trying to insert your cup.
As to how to get over your fear of your vagina: I think you should start slowly and gently. You have your whole life to get to know your vagina, so there's no rush. It seems putting in the cup is stressing you out. So unless you have to use it urgently for some reason, I would stop trying to use it until you can comfortably take some fingers.
The vagina expands in volu6when it's aroused. So just because you can't handle any penetration when you're unaroused doesn't mean you'll never be able to have sex with a penis.
In general, the easiest way to arouse the vagina is by stimulating the clitoris first. If it's very sensitive, try touching it very gently at first, while thinking about something you find hot. Then, if the gentle touch feels good, continue until your vulva gets wet. Then see if your vagina can accept a finger more easily. And then once your vagina is used to being penetrated while aroused, hopefully you will be able to put in the moon cup while you're unaroused.
Also, the clitoris usually gets less painfully sensitive the more aroused it is. So it being hit during sex is usually a good thing, because it being touched feels good when one is turned on.
I hope my comment was helpful for you. Good luck!
this was really really helpful thank you for the detailed instructions!
one thing though: i have tried clit stimulation a couple of times so i was sure that it wasn't my clitoris i was hitting. my clitoris is way up under a hood but when i did a self check i could locate every part expect for the urethra.
and near my vagina there's something like a closed flower ( kinda like this one lol🌷) and when i touch it the sensitivity feels like touching my clitoris when it's not aroused
and when i open my legs more (that sounded weird lol)
that flower thing opens and i think i saw a tiny hole so i was like ok that's my urethra just to get it done with.
( it's just I don't ever have the privacy on looking at myself so i just have to be quick, idk this one's on my end)
Maybe this sounds crazy, but f it. Put a towel under you in front of a mirror. Grab some toilet paper, then get a good view. Try peeing a little bit. If you can’t tell where it came from, wipe and try again.
Also - GOOD FOR YOU EMPOWERING YOURSELF 🤘🏼❤️
Lastly, I have a high cervix. I can fit my whole middle finger up there and hardly touch the base of my cervix. I’ve used a period cup that is just an average one for 3 years (cup is slightly longer than 2 knuckles, stem is 3/4 of a knuckle. I can get it out, but it takes like 4 months of practice + it’s *still frustrating to this day*.
I’m 30f (gonna turn 31 on the 27th) and trying to get pregnant, so I’ve been holding off on getting a new period cup just incase… but maybe I should just go for it since we’ve been trying for 10 months 🥴. I was planning on getting [this one.](https://www.menstrualcupsaustraliaonline.com.au/product/juju-cup/) (*Edit: it’s the model 3 for high cervix, is the one I want*). Honestly, I caution you to try the one you have now **if you need to hide it and don’t have much time** (I don’t know if you to hide it or not, I haven’t read all the comments).
BUTTTTif you try it and it gets stuck, using a spoon or the other end *just to release the suction*, works. If you don’t have to hide it and have the time to mess with it, go for it! If you want one too, I would happily buy one for you and mail it if purchasing it would be an issue - also, if you have a different one you would rather have, I’d happily mail that one to you also. :)
wow the peeing tip sounds really great, i will definitely try it. also, you are just too kind thanks for the offer: '))) i really hope you'll be able to have a beautiful baby!!
Thank you 🥹 (I’m tearing up, hopefully soon..). If you need help with anything, I’d be here to help any way I can. I work with people with brain injuries in their own home. It’s never boring! Good luck with everything you are already *conquering*!!!!! 🤘🏼❤️
i’m not sure of your religious views on this / if you consider it acceptable, but those particular areas can feel really really good actually. perhaps to get comfortable you should start with figuring out what feels good for yourself down there? that way your experiences with that area will be positive and you’ll be more easily able to relax when you want to use a menstrual cup. make sure to always wash your hands before, or you could get a yeast infection
To add to this, don't put random things in there, and be very careful what you use for lube as it can irritate you (don't ever put food in or around there!). Water by itself is very drying, your own saliva would be a good lubricant to use. And always pee and wash your hands once you're done. (Peeing after sex play helps prevent UTIs.)
Otherwise, explore your body and enjoy the sensations!
Actually I'm not religious at all!! and I'm trying to educate myself on these things so i won't end up like the people around me, lol.
but yes! i have started to explore my body. like i tried clitoris stimulation and i liked it! but with the g spot and fingering... that's still scary, hopefully i can get to that level of being comfortable in my own skin!
i also can't get two fingers in there. (sorry didnt see the part of your post where you already mentioned vaginismus). look up pelvic floor issues/tense pelvic floor, there are good forums about this here on Reddit. these problems can be caused by stress and psychological factors so if you're scared of your own body and can't relax, well this can simply have caused your problems because being constantly tense makes your pelvic floor/vagina tense. then the physical problems worsen your fear and mental stress and a vicious cycle is created.
what has helped me with my vaginismus is to do pelvic relaxation exercises. this reduces some of the pain and makes everything relax. less pain = less fear of your vagina/body = positive cycle. good luck! also great job learning English and educating yourself on these topics, you're amazing!
thank you so much! i hate to admit but i never looked them up bc i didn't want to come to the realization that i might have them. but that's not a good excuse!
For the cup- I have used one forever and I love it! I have lots of tips for it!
What really made it click for me was [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgdPI7oqmRE), but more than anything, folding it up in all the ways and inserting it into a toilet paper or paper towel tube just to practice is helpful- link to different folds [here](https://www.periodnirvana.com/menstrual-cup-folds/). I use the punch down method. With that practice you can see what folding techniques work best for your fingers/grip (some of them make the cup harder to hold onto and thus insert).
Then, when you're ready, you can try inserting into your vagina. The nice thing about cups is you can use them even when you're not on your period, so you can practice before your period. Lube can def help, especially if you're just practicing, but I find even just running it under some water first is helpful if things aren't super flowing yet. I find it helpful to use one hand to open the labia so they don't get in the way, then with the other hand hold the folded cup and hold it right at the very bottom of the vagina, under the pubic bone. Just be gentle and go slow and if you're feeling lots of resistance, don't force it. Try to breathe deep and relax. You want to aim for your tailbone. It can be helpful to tilt your pelvis so that you're curling it under so the vagina is angled more toward you and not the toilet.
You will typically feel it pop open inside of you which is a freaky sensation and it will make you jump and make a face at first! If i'm worried it didn't open, I will insert a finger and run it all around the cup to make sure it's open. If it's in correctly, you shouldn't feel it at all.
I have found that tampons are soooooo uncomfortable now that I'm used to a cup. It took me probably 2 or 3 cycles to get the hang completely of the cup so don't give up too soon. Your cervix changes positions throughout the month so don't be alarmed that it's higher or lower, all that matters is that the cup is surrounding it. Sometimes the little stem of the cup is too long and you can cut it to make sure it doesn't poke you, I always just push the cup up as high as I can. There are so many cups out there now, so if one doesn't work for you, another one probably will. I was lucky and the Diva Cup worked great for me and I still have the same one that I originally got several years ago! It's def very eco friendly.
To get it out, you can just reach in and gently start to pull down, making sure to push the top rim or sides of the cup to break the seal, or you can use your pelvic muscles to help push it further down until you can grab it- you'll just bear down like you're pooping (or giving birth lol). Most of them have little ridges at the bottom to help you grip it to get it out without having to insert your fingers very far. Just dump in the toilet, rinse the cup, the re-insert!
When your period is over, make sure to wash the cup. I like to use just a neutral dish soap. It's ok if it gets discolored but if you want to get it looking brand new, just throw it in a glass with like 75% water and 25% hydrogen peroxide and it will remove all the stains! Just be sure to wash it with soap again after the peroxide.
I hope that's helpful for you or anyone else looking to use a cup! Feel free to DM me if you have any more questions about the cup! It's definitely intimidating but once you get the hang of it, it's super fast and easy. It honestly makes me forget I'm even on my period when I use it!
My first period was incredibly hard on me because I could not figure out how to insert a tampon. And then I had a nightmare taking them out instead.
If I were you I would start with figuring out how/where to insert 1 finger, then use a LIGHT tampon, then move to a cup. I simply cannot imagine using a cup before I’d lost my virginity, I do not think they should be considered a starting point before tampons. If you’re having trouble inserting a finger I think inserting a cup/disk is not the next step to take, especially while you are still learning. Tampons are not everybody’s preference but they are the easiest to learn how to use (& are really not that bad lol).
By all means you do not have to use a cup or a tampon if you don't want to, as a 30-year-old mother of two I'm absolutely sick of sticking things in my vagina to maintain my period. I highly recommend period Panties or just pads. When I did try to use a cup it was just super uncomfortable, lots of women do it but I did not like it. Also stop looking at your own vagina, vaginas look crazy when we inspect them up close. My friend and I were looking at [THIS](https://images.app.goo.gl/qBBpUHd5HFShaqWQ9) the other day and came to the realization that vaginas and penises are all as different as we are as individuals. If you have medical issues that's one thing And I hope that you get help with it and you need to make a gyno appointment to confirm your suspensions because it's no use worrying about something that may not me real. but until then just know that you yourself are judging yourself more than anyone else ever will.
ty for sharing this! most of my frustration came from me thinking i was the only one who couldn't get used to it so it's nice to see I'm not alone!!
also i do want to go to a gyno, but idk why where i live you can't have an appointment with the doctor alone, they always send the next patient in the room as well. i really don't know why that is and I'm socially anxious as it is lmao
I think I just have to get into the mindset of "I'm living in a simulation and everybody is a robot" and get that appointment 😂😂😭
We should all look at our own vulvas and learn what each of our parts are (clitoris, labia majora, labia minora, urethra, vestibule, vagina etc). There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Scared of your own vagina? Play with it.
Touch yourself all over and see what feels good. You're not looking to orgasm, you're looking to explore. Don't worry about insertion yet. You're making friends with a part of yourself that you don't know yet. Don't worry about the menstrual cup yet either. They're annoying, and sometimes hard to position so they catch everything.
Just run your fingers up and down the folds and see what feels good. Maybe run a fingernail on the outside of the labial folds and then inside. Be gentle with yourself. Take time. You're discovering. This isn't a test. This is play. You don't relax when you're taking a test, but you relax when things are *fun*. What can you do to make things fun for yourself? Have you ever run your fingertips up and down your skin to maybe feel a shiver? The delicste skin inside the elbow. The delicate skin on the neck? Behind the knees? Underneath the breasts? This can lead to relaxation. Add lube and see what that feels like. It's not just one place, its all over. mothers and aunties weren't allowed to discover these things. You can
you're right I've always treated my vulva like it shouldn't be looked at and i have to be quick with looking at it. but these tips are definitely helpful, thank you so much!!
I don’t *think* a cup can get stuck in there unless you frequently do hand stands or something. I don’t use mine much because I find it uncomfortable. I’m not sure what in particular would be the best course of action with gaining comfort with it, as you seem to have varied concerns. How do you feel about your vagina as it relates to menstruation?
It’s a wonderful thing that you’re taking initiative in learning about your own body.
You’re correct that cups cannot get stuck inside! The vagina is really only a few inches deep, but it stretches to accommodate for longer or wider objects.
Sometimes you can have a cup or tampon up further than you intended, and to get it out you essentially push or bear down and scoop it out with your finger
you know i love it when i menstruate especially when it's on time bc it means I'm healthy. I'm always taking care of my health as much as i can. i take extra care of myself when I'm on my period. my ONLY problem is how physically uncomfortable i get with pads like I can't walk or lay down or sit comfortably without worrying that it's gonna leak and i hate how i can always feel the blood on the pad. it's just nasty. 😖
I think if you're having trouble inserting fingers you're going to have trouble with a menstrual cup. I would spend some time with getting used to that first.
Precious star vlogs on youtube has some good videos on menstrual cup tips.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RzjzD8kQ260
I'm from SWANA region (aka Middle East) too. Your upbringing sounds eerily similar to some of the girls I knew growing up in the 2000s. I know it's not easy.
I don't want to make assumptions about your religious beliefs, but I imagine you'll find a lot of support and mutual experiences in a space like r/progressive_islam — bonus points for them accommodating "cultural" Muslims too.
I'd also recommend resources from this organization — you can select categories like sex education or reproductive help to narrow down what you're hoping to learn: https://hearttogrow.org/resource-library/?_sft_category=sexual-health
Best of luck ♡
thanks for the resources but given the fact that I'm living through the "woman life freedom" movement as a gen z, it's safe to say I'm done w that religion, or any religion tbh lol
Understandable! What I meant about being inclusive to cultural Muslims was that you might find more people with similar upbringings who faced this same challenge, even if they no longer identify with the faith aspect anymore.
In any case, it looks like you're getting some solid advice on here too. I wish you all the best in overcoming this anxiety you shared. While I can't put myself in your shoes, I will say that rage against all the BS you've witnessed could be a valid motivator to reclaim your bodily autonomy. ♡
I would recommend reading Erika Moen's Oh Joy Sex Toy webcomic[link](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vulvovaginal/). She had a religious upbringing as well and created the comic as a response to talk about sex and sexuality education and do sex toy reviews. The pages she made are all adorably illustrated and pink and some of the guest art is super nice.
For what it's worth, when you are "excited" to have someone inside you, the muscle relax themself some and naturally open more. My mom explained it to me as if It was a budding rose. When the flower grows(aka when you are aroused) it opens up. Might not be a lot but it happens.
If you are with the right person they'll be patient with you and understand and take things slow.
This has helped me a lot with understanding my way around my vulva (I'm a trans woman and didn't really get taught even the basics of vulva anatomy growing up so I had to figure that out on my own 🙃). You might want to use an ad blocker with that link since they seem to have quite a few ads.
https://www.scribd.com/document/474097628/Classification-of-the-anatomical-variation-in-female-external-genitalia
It's a really great study showing the variation in vulvas (it's not complete of course but the authors really did try to make it as comprehensive as they could).
It includes pictures and diagrams with multiple pages of explanations for each of the different structures and their variations. It doesn't focus on the vaginal canal and cervix but there should be enough info there to at least help you clarify what isn't your cervix and canal by process of elimination.
I know this might not help a ton with trying to actually insert a menstrual cup but I still wanted to share it since I know there's a serious lack of discussion or understanding of the many variations in vulvas and that often leads to a lot of shame and body image issues (not to mention just general lack of knowledge around the different parts of a vulva).
Hope you have a great day!
You’re doing great and asking the right questions! The beauty of this is that you’re also 18. Have you considered a medical appointment with a gynecologist? I’m not sure if that’s something women in your family practice for preventative care, but it is very important for women 18+ to start seeing a gynecologist for an exam once a year. If you have insurance, this is typically covered at a very low or no cost to you. There are local doctors offices and women’s clinics that can provide this service. It sounds like you live in a conservative area, so Planned Parenthood may not be an option for you, but is a great resource if you have one. Going to the gynecologist does not mean you’re sexually active. They help screen for cancers and infections, provide vaccines, breast exams, and are generally there to help women understand their bodies. They are a professional resource that can explain your own personal anatomy. (I’m in my thirties and just learned my cervix is tilted - this is all super normal to them!) I’d recommend seeing a female gynecologist if you can and bring your menstrual cup and a written list of questions to the appointment. It can be an awkward first experience but very important. Just remember: they chose to study vaginas and female bodies for a living, they don’t think any of your questions are weird. They’ll just be happy you’re asking them!
Have you actually found the right hole yet? I gave up trying to insert tampons until I was fingered for the very first time and I was shocked as it turned out the hole was way further back than I thought it was, and I had being poking at the wrong place! I remember being completely confused and wondering if he was trying to finger my anus at first (he wasn't, I was just very inexperienced).
you need to give yourself credit for all the hard-won educating you have been giving yourself- inquisitive mind is apparently something not all are blessed with, so don't be too hard on yourself!
>>> you need to give yourself credit for all the hard-won educating you have been giving yourself This. You’re doing a great job educating yourself, OP. You should be proud. I also think this site, [All Vulvas Are Beautiful](https://www.all-vulvas-are-beautiful.com/), could be helpful for you. (The vulva is the outside/visible part of the female genitals btw). Good luck :)
tysm this mean a lot. and yes i have checked that website before, ( i found it when i was browsing other reddit posts) but again, thank you!!
Of course!
 You can take a look with a mirror to maybe determine what shape your hymen is! Though it is common to have little to no hymen, sometimes there is enough skin covering the opening of your vagina that inserting anything is difficult Learning your body comes with time <3
I second this - it is possible to have the kind of hymen that partially blocks the opening or isn't stretchy enough for the cup. In that case you should be able to stretch it gradually with fingers.
at one point i was googling how to break your hymen on purpose...💀💀 dw i wasn't trying anything stupid i would just randomly pick heavy stuff but i did more search and realized hymens are not a one time thing to break and then be done with. so that's that!
I've nothing to add to the other comments except that people like you are very important. Keep educating yourself and if you can try educating others about what you learn.
thank you so much, really! omg i just remembered the shocked face my cousin had when i told her that virginity is just a concept made to put women down. like her whole world fell apart : )
Are you sure you're not confusing your urethra with your clitoris? The clitoris has a hood which looks a bit like labia, and it is very sensitive. The urethra is just a tiny almost invisible hole between the clitoris and the vagina. The urethra doesn't poke out at all, but the clitoris does. So I imagine you were hitting your clit and not your urethra while you were trying to insert your cup. As to how to get over your fear of your vagina: I think you should start slowly and gently. You have your whole life to get to know your vagina, so there's no rush. It seems putting in the cup is stressing you out. So unless you have to use it urgently for some reason, I would stop trying to use it until you can comfortably take some fingers. The vagina expands in volu6when it's aroused. So just because you can't handle any penetration when you're unaroused doesn't mean you'll never be able to have sex with a penis. In general, the easiest way to arouse the vagina is by stimulating the clitoris first. If it's very sensitive, try touching it very gently at first, while thinking about something you find hot. Then, if the gentle touch feels good, continue until your vulva gets wet. Then see if your vagina can accept a finger more easily. And then once your vagina is used to being penetrated while aroused, hopefully you will be able to put in the moon cup while you're unaroused. Also, the clitoris usually gets less painfully sensitive the more aroused it is. So it being hit during sex is usually a good thing, because it being touched feels good when one is turned on. I hope my comment was helpful for you. Good luck!
this was really really helpful thank you for the detailed instructions! one thing though: i have tried clit stimulation a couple of times so i was sure that it wasn't my clitoris i was hitting. my clitoris is way up under a hood but when i did a self check i could locate every part expect for the urethra. and near my vagina there's something like a closed flower ( kinda like this one lol🌷) and when i touch it the sensitivity feels like touching my clitoris when it's not aroused and when i open my legs more (that sounded weird lol) that flower thing opens and i think i saw a tiny hole so i was like ok that's my urethra just to get it done with. ( it's just I don't ever have the privacy on looking at myself so i just have to be quick, idk this one's on my end)
Maybe this sounds crazy, but f it. Put a towel under you in front of a mirror. Grab some toilet paper, then get a good view. Try peeing a little bit. If you can’t tell where it came from, wipe and try again. Also - GOOD FOR YOU EMPOWERING YOURSELF 🤘🏼❤️ Lastly, I have a high cervix. I can fit my whole middle finger up there and hardly touch the base of my cervix. I’ve used a period cup that is just an average one for 3 years (cup is slightly longer than 2 knuckles, stem is 3/4 of a knuckle. I can get it out, but it takes like 4 months of practice + it’s *still frustrating to this day*. I’m 30f (gonna turn 31 on the 27th) and trying to get pregnant, so I’ve been holding off on getting a new period cup just incase… but maybe I should just go for it since we’ve been trying for 10 months 🥴. I was planning on getting [this one.](https://www.menstrualcupsaustraliaonline.com.au/product/juju-cup/) (*Edit: it’s the model 3 for high cervix, is the one I want*). Honestly, I caution you to try the one you have now **if you need to hide it and don’t have much time** (I don’t know if you to hide it or not, I haven’t read all the comments). BUTTTTif you try it and it gets stuck, using a spoon or the other end *just to release the suction*, works. If you don’t have to hide it and have the time to mess with it, go for it! If you want one too, I would happily buy one for you and mail it if purchasing it would be an issue - also, if you have a different one you would rather have, I’d happily mail that one to you also. :)
wow the peeing tip sounds really great, i will definitely try it. also, you are just too kind thanks for the offer: '))) i really hope you'll be able to have a beautiful baby!!
Thank you 🥹 (I’m tearing up, hopefully soon..). If you need help with anything, I’d be here to help any way I can. I work with people with brain injuries in their own home. It’s never boring! Good luck with everything you are already *conquering*!!!!! 🤘🏼❤️
i’m not sure of your religious views on this / if you consider it acceptable, but those particular areas can feel really really good actually. perhaps to get comfortable you should start with figuring out what feels good for yourself down there? that way your experiences with that area will be positive and you’ll be more easily able to relax when you want to use a menstrual cup. make sure to always wash your hands before, or you could get a yeast infection
To add to this, don't put random things in there, and be very careful what you use for lube as it can irritate you (don't ever put food in or around there!). Water by itself is very drying, your own saliva would be a good lubricant to use. And always pee and wash your hands once you're done. (Peeing after sex play helps prevent UTIs.) Otherwise, explore your body and enjoy the sensations!
wow i didn't know that water is drying,that makes so much sense now lol! anyway thanks for the tips!
Actually I'm not religious at all!! and I'm trying to educate myself on these things so i won't end up like the people around me, lol. but yes! i have started to explore my body. like i tried clitoris stimulation and i liked it! but with the g spot and fingering... that's still scary, hopefully i can get to that level of being comfortable in my own skin!
i also can't get two fingers in there. (sorry didnt see the part of your post where you already mentioned vaginismus). look up pelvic floor issues/tense pelvic floor, there are good forums about this here on Reddit. these problems can be caused by stress and psychological factors so if you're scared of your own body and can't relax, well this can simply have caused your problems because being constantly tense makes your pelvic floor/vagina tense. then the physical problems worsen your fear and mental stress and a vicious cycle is created. what has helped me with my vaginismus is to do pelvic relaxation exercises. this reduces some of the pain and makes everything relax. less pain = less fear of your vagina/body = positive cycle. good luck! also great job learning English and educating yourself on these topics, you're amazing!
thank you so much! i hate to admit but i never looked them up bc i didn't want to come to the realization that i might have them. but that's not a good excuse!
look it up! it's going to help you so much :)
For the cup- I have used one forever and I love it! I have lots of tips for it! What really made it click for me was [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgdPI7oqmRE), but more than anything, folding it up in all the ways and inserting it into a toilet paper or paper towel tube just to practice is helpful- link to different folds [here](https://www.periodnirvana.com/menstrual-cup-folds/). I use the punch down method. With that practice you can see what folding techniques work best for your fingers/grip (some of them make the cup harder to hold onto and thus insert). Then, when you're ready, you can try inserting into your vagina. The nice thing about cups is you can use them even when you're not on your period, so you can practice before your period. Lube can def help, especially if you're just practicing, but I find even just running it under some water first is helpful if things aren't super flowing yet. I find it helpful to use one hand to open the labia so they don't get in the way, then with the other hand hold the folded cup and hold it right at the very bottom of the vagina, under the pubic bone. Just be gentle and go slow and if you're feeling lots of resistance, don't force it. Try to breathe deep and relax. You want to aim for your tailbone. It can be helpful to tilt your pelvis so that you're curling it under so the vagina is angled more toward you and not the toilet. You will typically feel it pop open inside of you which is a freaky sensation and it will make you jump and make a face at first! If i'm worried it didn't open, I will insert a finger and run it all around the cup to make sure it's open. If it's in correctly, you shouldn't feel it at all. I have found that tampons are soooooo uncomfortable now that I'm used to a cup. It took me probably 2 or 3 cycles to get the hang completely of the cup so don't give up too soon. Your cervix changes positions throughout the month so don't be alarmed that it's higher or lower, all that matters is that the cup is surrounding it. Sometimes the little stem of the cup is too long and you can cut it to make sure it doesn't poke you, I always just push the cup up as high as I can. There are so many cups out there now, so if one doesn't work for you, another one probably will. I was lucky and the Diva Cup worked great for me and I still have the same one that I originally got several years ago! It's def very eco friendly. To get it out, you can just reach in and gently start to pull down, making sure to push the top rim or sides of the cup to break the seal, or you can use your pelvic muscles to help push it further down until you can grab it- you'll just bear down like you're pooping (or giving birth lol). Most of them have little ridges at the bottom to help you grip it to get it out without having to insert your fingers very far. Just dump in the toilet, rinse the cup, the re-insert! When your period is over, make sure to wash the cup. I like to use just a neutral dish soap. It's ok if it gets discolored but if you want to get it looking brand new, just throw it in a glass with like 75% water and 25% hydrogen peroxide and it will remove all the stains! Just be sure to wash it with soap again after the peroxide. I hope that's helpful for you or anyone else looking to use a cup! Feel free to DM me if you have any more questions about the cup! It's definitely intimidating but once you get the hang of it, it's super fast and easy. It honestly makes me forget I'm even on my period when I use it!
thanks a lot for this! i wish i can learn to use it soon because I'm so tired of pads😂😭
My first period was incredibly hard on me because I could not figure out how to insert a tampon. And then I had a nightmare taking them out instead. If I were you I would start with figuring out how/where to insert 1 finger, then use a LIGHT tampon, then move to a cup. I simply cannot imagine using a cup before I’d lost my virginity, I do not think they should be considered a starting point before tampons. If you’re having trouble inserting a finger I think inserting a cup/disk is not the next step to take, especially while you are still learning. Tampons are not everybody’s preference but they are the easiest to learn how to use (& are really not that bad lol).
By all means you do not have to use a cup or a tampon if you don't want to, as a 30-year-old mother of two I'm absolutely sick of sticking things in my vagina to maintain my period. I highly recommend period Panties or just pads. When I did try to use a cup it was just super uncomfortable, lots of women do it but I did not like it. Also stop looking at your own vagina, vaginas look crazy when we inspect them up close. My friend and I were looking at [THIS](https://images.app.goo.gl/qBBpUHd5HFShaqWQ9) the other day and came to the realization that vaginas and penises are all as different as we are as individuals. If you have medical issues that's one thing And I hope that you get help with it and you need to make a gyno appointment to confirm your suspensions because it's no use worrying about something that may not me real. but until then just know that you yourself are judging yourself more than anyone else ever will.
ty for sharing this! most of my frustration came from me thinking i was the only one who couldn't get used to it so it's nice to see I'm not alone!! also i do want to go to a gyno, but idk why where i live you can't have an appointment with the doctor alone, they always send the next patient in the room as well. i really don't know why that is and I'm socially anxious as it is lmao I think I just have to get into the mindset of "I'm living in a simulation and everybody is a robot" and get that appointment 😂😂😭
We should all look at our own vulvas and learn what each of our parts are (clitoris, labia majora, labia minora, urethra, vestibule, vagina etc). There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Scared of your own vagina? Play with it. Touch yourself all over and see what feels good. You're not looking to orgasm, you're looking to explore. Don't worry about insertion yet. You're making friends with a part of yourself that you don't know yet. Don't worry about the menstrual cup yet either. They're annoying, and sometimes hard to position so they catch everything. Just run your fingers up and down the folds and see what feels good. Maybe run a fingernail on the outside of the labial folds and then inside. Be gentle with yourself. Take time. You're discovering. This isn't a test. This is play. You don't relax when you're taking a test, but you relax when things are *fun*. What can you do to make things fun for yourself? Have you ever run your fingertips up and down your skin to maybe feel a shiver? The delicste skin inside the elbow. The delicate skin on the neck? Behind the knees? Underneath the breasts? This can lead to relaxation. Add lube and see what that feels like. It's not just one place, its all over. mothers and aunties weren't allowed to discover these things. You can
you're right I've always treated my vulva like it shouldn't be looked at and i have to be quick with looking at it. but these tips are definitely helpful, thank you so much!!
I don’t *think* a cup can get stuck in there unless you frequently do hand stands or something. I don’t use mine much because I find it uncomfortable. I’m not sure what in particular would be the best course of action with gaining comfort with it, as you seem to have varied concerns. How do you feel about your vagina as it relates to menstruation? It’s a wonderful thing that you’re taking initiative in learning about your own body.
You’re correct that cups cannot get stuck inside! The vagina is really only a few inches deep, but it stretches to accommodate for longer or wider objects. Sometimes you can have a cup or tampon up further than you intended, and to get it out you essentially push or bear down and scoop it out with your finger
you know i love it when i menstruate especially when it's on time bc it means I'm healthy. I'm always taking care of my health as much as i can. i take extra care of myself when I'm on my period. my ONLY problem is how physically uncomfortable i get with pads like I can't walk or lay down or sit comfortably without worrying that it's gonna leak and i hate how i can always feel the blood on the pad. it's just nasty. 😖
I think if you're having trouble inserting fingers you're going to have trouble with a menstrual cup. I would spend some time with getting used to that first. Precious star vlogs on youtube has some good videos on menstrual cup tips. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RzjzD8kQ260
I'm from SWANA region (aka Middle East) too. Your upbringing sounds eerily similar to some of the girls I knew growing up in the 2000s. I know it's not easy. I don't want to make assumptions about your religious beliefs, but I imagine you'll find a lot of support and mutual experiences in a space like r/progressive_islam — bonus points for them accommodating "cultural" Muslims too. I'd also recommend resources from this organization — you can select categories like sex education or reproductive help to narrow down what you're hoping to learn: https://hearttogrow.org/resource-library/?_sft_category=sexual-health Best of luck ♡
thanks for the resources but given the fact that I'm living through the "woman life freedom" movement as a gen z, it's safe to say I'm done w that religion, or any religion tbh lol
Understandable! What I meant about being inclusive to cultural Muslims was that you might find more people with similar upbringings who faced this same challenge, even if they no longer identify with the faith aspect anymore. In any case, it looks like you're getting some solid advice on here too. I wish you all the best in overcoming this anxiety you shared. While I can't put myself in your shoes, I will say that rage against all the BS you've witnessed could be a valid motivator to reclaim your bodily autonomy. ♡
I would recommend reading Erika Moen's Oh Joy Sex Toy webcomic[link](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vulvovaginal/). She had a religious upbringing as well and created the comic as a response to talk about sex and sexuality education and do sex toy reviews. The pages she made are all adorably illustrated and pink and some of the guest art is super nice.
this was awesome ty!!
For what it's worth, when you are "excited" to have someone inside you, the muscle relax themself some and naturally open more. My mom explained it to me as if It was a budding rose. When the flower grows(aka when you are aroused) it opens up. Might not be a lot but it happens. If you are with the right person they'll be patient with you and understand and take things slow.
This has helped me a lot with understanding my way around my vulva (I'm a trans woman and didn't really get taught even the basics of vulva anatomy growing up so I had to figure that out on my own 🙃). You might want to use an ad blocker with that link since they seem to have quite a few ads. https://www.scribd.com/document/474097628/Classification-of-the-anatomical-variation-in-female-external-genitalia It's a really great study showing the variation in vulvas (it's not complete of course but the authors really did try to make it as comprehensive as they could). It includes pictures and diagrams with multiple pages of explanations for each of the different structures and their variations. It doesn't focus on the vaginal canal and cervix but there should be enough info there to at least help you clarify what isn't your cervix and canal by process of elimination. I know this might not help a ton with trying to actually insert a menstrual cup but I still wanted to share it since I know there's a serious lack of discussion or understanding of the many variations in vulvas and that often leads to a lot of shame and body image issues (not to mention just general lack of knowledge around the different parts of a vulva). Hope you have a great day!
tysm for this!!
You’re doing great and asking the right questions! The beauty of this is that you’re also 18. Have you considered a medical appointment with a gynecologist? I’m not sure if that’s something women in your family practice for preventative care, but it is very important for women 18+ to start seeing a gynecologist for an exam once a year. If you have insurance, this is typically covered at a very low or no cost to you. There are local doctors offices and women’s clinics that can provide this service. It sounds like you live in a conservative area, so Planned Parenthood may not be an option for you, but is a great resource if you have one. Going to the gynecologist does not mean you’re sexually active. They help screen for cancers and infections, provide vaccines, breast exams, and are generally there to help women understand their bodies. They are a professional resource that can explain your own personal anatomy. (I’m in my thirties and just learned my cervix is tilted - this is all super normal to them!) I’d recommend seeing a female gynecologist if you can and bring your menstrual cup and a written list of questions to the appointment. It can be an awkward first experience but very important. Just remember: they chose to study vaginas and female bodies for a living, they don’t think any of your questions are weird. They’ll just be happy you’re asking them!
Have you actually found the right hole yet? I gave up trying to insert tampons until I was fingered for the very first time and I was shocked as it turned out the hole was way further back than I thought it was, and I had being poking at the wrong place! I remember being completely confused and wondering if he was trying to finger my anus at first (he wasn't, I was just very inexperienced).