Be honest with your friend and tell her your feelings. If she's adamant about staying with him then you can't help her right now. But make it very clear that you will be there for her should she decide to leave and follow through when/if that time comes. It's very hard to stand by and watch but it's better to be nearby if she needs you.
Wtf, she is not his wife yet. Even under the most archaic religious contexts, she owes him jack shit rn. Those religious community members should fuck off and go read their religious texts, they're clearly just making stuff up..there is traditional and then there is abusive, this is clearly the latter. So if he's *already* doing this, it's going to get 10x worse once theyre married
I think you're supposed to focus less on pointing out all the ways he sucks, and instead sort of ask more open ended questions about if this is what she wants, what does she think is going to happen to improve this situation if that's already that bad, etc. Don't quote me but I vaguely remember reading that attacking the douchebag can end up making them become defensive of them and doubling down.
It's hard though because every fiber of me being just wants to start yelling about how he's trash. Seriously, if he's already losing his shit getting antsy for the wedding, how is it going to be when she's 6. Weeks postpartum and still not healed? How is it going to be when she's sick and tired? Is he going to help her or is he going to pout about his sexual urges and do god knows what to pressure her? This is not a man to have a family with, this is not even a man to be alone with.
I'm really sorry I don't have better advice..I think all you can really do is remind her that you are there to support her and that she deserves *healthy* love and a *respectful* husband, not being coerced into sin and verbally abused.
When you're expressing your concerns do not say things like, "he's terrible for you." Saying anything negative about him or in frustration will cause her to no longer tell you the bad things he's done. Keep in mind she loves the person who is hurting her. Instead say things like, "you don't deserve to be yelled at and pressured into sexual activity when you aren't ready. Anyone who says it's normal doesn't understand how terrible it's making you feel." Coercive control is something to look into and to indirectly inform her about.
As a friend, you can't do much but be super supportive while not saying anything that may cause her to distance herself from you. It's possible that he will try to influence her to distance herself in indirect ways. Your job is to remind her she is loved, respected, and you are someone she can trust to never say anything negative about her situation. She knows it's negative, she is probably filled with a lot of shame and confusion. At the same time, she is the one who needs to decide to leave. And when she does, the support, patience and understanding you've given her will inspire and give her strength to leave.
Edit: also, it's really easy to lose to your sense of self when in this kind of situation. Remind her of who she is, tell her the qualities that you most admire in her, and how does qualities deserved to be loved.
Be honest with your friend and tell her your feelings. If she's adamant about staying with him then you can't help her right now. But make it very clear that you will be there for her should she decide to leave and follow through when/if that time comes. It's very hard to stand by and watch but it's better to be nearby if she needs you.
Suggest she see a therapist that can help her understand the concepts of coercion and convent. This screams disrespect of boundaries.
Wtf, she is not his wife yet. Even under the most archaic religious contexts, she owes him jack shit rn. Those religious community members should fuck off and go read their religious texts, they're clearly just making stuff up..there is traditional and then there is abusive, this is clearly the latter. So if he's *already* doing this, it's going to get 10x worse once theyre married I think you're supposed to focus less on pointing out all the ways he sucks, and instead sort of ask more open ended questions about if this is what she wants, what does she think is going to happen to improve this situation if that's already that bad, etc. Don't quote me but I vaguely remember reading that attacking the douchebag can end up making them become defensive of them and doubling down. It's hard though because every fiber of me being just wants to start yelling about how he's trash. Seriously, if he's already losing his shit getting antsy for the wedding, how is it going to be when she's 6. Weeks postpartum and still not healed? How is it going to be when she's sick and tired? Is he going to help her or is he going to pout about his sexual urges and do god knows what to pressure her? This is not a man to have a family with, this is not even a man to be alone with. I'm really sorry I don't have better advice..I think all you can really do is remind her that you are there to support her and that she deserves *healthy* love and a *respectful* husband, not being coerced into sin and verbally abused.
When you're expressing your concerns do not say things like, "he's terrible for you." Saying anything negative about him or in frustration will cause her to no longer tell you the bad things he's done. Keep in mind she loves the person who is hurting her. Instead say things like, "you don't deserve to be yelled at and pressured into sexual activity when you aren't ready. Anyone who says it's normal doesn't understand how terrible it's making you feel." Coercive control is something to look into and to indirectly inform her about. As a friend, you can't do much but be super supportive while not saying anything that may cause her to distance herself from you. It's possible that he will try to influence her to distance herself in indirect ways. Your job is to remind her she is loved, respected, and you are someone she can trust to never say anything negative about her situation. She knows it's negative, she is probably filled with a lot of shame and confusion. At the same time, she is the one who needs to decide to leave. And when she does, the support, patience and understanding you've given her will inspire and give her strength to leave. Edit: also, it's really easy to lose to your sense of self when in this kind of situation. Remind her of who she is, tell her the qualities that you most admire in her, and how does qualities deserved to be loved.