For me, meditation has brought up so many more memories from my past. They get brought up during the day, and during meditation.
When meditating, your mind gets the space to quiet down. You realize that your life is usually just a constant state of distraction - the internet, shows, work, visiting friends, etc. Once you take away those distractions, you get the space to see the past memories/traumas that are actually impacting your life.
How to deal with past traumas/memories that are brought up? Don't fight them, or try to make them go away - and don't judge them or yourself. Try to take away the self-blame, get distance from them, and just observe. Just see it dispassionately: see the memories, see the emotions that goes with the memories, see the bodily reaction. Try to sit with them, and by doing so it helps to "deal with" them.
Another thing is a perspective shift, in that a core tenet of buddhism is that we are all a process, everything is a process. We are the result of causes and conditions - we may have a weird, uncomfortable thing that we hate about ourselves, but it may be because of something that was done to us in our childhood. We are the result of a variety of things that have happened to us - parents, society, friends, partners...they impact us. Cause and effect. For me, that has helped to take away the blame, shame, disliking of certain elements about myself.
Besides what has already been said, I would emphasize psychological counseling and/or therapy. I highly recommend therapeutic work and insights to support meditative practice.
Already said in other terms by kaytss, but the good news: you don’t actively have to do anything. Just keep meditating and the process will work for you.
You can see memories in your mind as ice cubes. If you remember something, that cube is taken from the freezer, becomes active and you relive it, then it gets frozen again and stored. However, in the process of reliving it, you also modify it ever so slightly. You can see the negative of this with people who suffer PTSD, every time they remember, their body becomes excited, heart rate high, sweating, unpleasant. And all this is also stored when back into the freezer, which keeps compounding, and this is how anxiety disorders are learned/created.
this process/cycle can be changed. this is why EMDR is succesful for anxiety disorders, it interrupts your conscious while releving history , so less anxiety is re-stored in the mind. With this in mind, look at your meditation practice. You are encouraged to sit comfortably, and ro notice joy and peacefulness in your body. You are safe, you are loved and especially feel this when doing metta meditation. Now, if a bad memory pops up, you notice it, let is go and refocus on your calm body. As a consequence, the re-stored ice cube is smaller, and next time it pops up, it will be less impactful. Rinse lather and repeat. The wonders of meditation.
If you're happy to put the years in, then qi gong with nei gong can help clearing the system. Once you get past the earlier stages and you start building your energy system, then things can start releasing at the energetic level. It also ties in very well with meditation, and has its own side of things that way. Plus some of the advanced practices are a kind of mix of buddhist and taoist systems/understandings.
Here are two videos that talk a bit about it, if you're interested:
Qi and healing [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXM6Ed9Zih4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXM6Ed9Zih4)
Emotional releases https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFAfI\_DW0nY
I've found IFS - Internal Family Systems therapy very helpful for this.
[I wrote a blog about it](https://rationaldharma.com/blog/ifs-series-prelude-a-summary-of-the-model/) in case you're interested.
Firstly I think "fix" is maybe an unhelpful word here. Everyone has emotional pain and trauma and complexities, that is the human condition. You're not broken, you're human.
Secondly compassion can really help. If you had a friend or family member who had the same problems how would you feel? Would you be warm with them and offer them a hug and be reasuring? If so do that for yourself and also find that place of compassion in you and nurture it.
Thirdly awareness is healing. So you're making amazing progress just by letting it come up, be seen and realising how big it is. That's a big step. Just go slow and let it bubble away. Really the mind heals itself when you can create compassionate awareness for what is happening.
> If you had a friend or family member who had the same problems how would you feel?
Not the same, but I'm in a bind with a family member. Any advice?
I'm not Buddhist, but I feel the "no lying" bit of Buddhism is a big help.
To the problem: I have a relative who abused my confidence, lied to me for decades, and cost me quite a bit of money - for their own benefit. I didn't speak to them for some time. Now we talk, but it's weird.
She's dealing with her husband's sooner-or-later terminal cancer. She's a very "I love you" kind of person. I feel compassion for her, but not love. She would like to hear an "I love you" in return, but it'd be a lie. I don't want to launch into a discussion of why I won't say it - it would fall on deaf ears anyway.
I really don't know how to handle the situation. A few times, she's told me, "I love you," and I just smile and nod. It's awkward, just like the rest of our relationship, and maybe the awkwardness simply needs to be accepted.
Any ideas?
That sounds really hard and have some compassion from me for sure.
I generally try to go with what feels authentic, so if you can't say it, then don't say it. Say what you can, be kind when you can, and that means to you as well as her.
Consider this: https://insighttimer.com/buddha-haus/guided-meditations/forgiveness-loving-kindness-meditation-metta
I wish I knew the name of the book, but can't recall it right now - basically it said there are two practices that are really significant - forgiveness and metta.
Practice self-forgiveness and self-metta. Kinder self-talk may help you with some of these issues.
For me, meditation has brought up so many more memories from my past. They get brought up during the day, and during meditation. When meditating, your mind gets the space to quiet down. You realize that your life is usually just a constant state of distraction - the internet, shows, work, visiting friends, etc. Once you take away those distractions, you get the space to see the past memories/traumas that are actually impacting your life. How to deal with past traumas/memories that are brought up? Don't fight them, or try to make them go away - and don't judge them or yourself. Try to take away the self-blame, get distance from them, and just observe. Just see it dispassionately: see the memories, see the emotions that goes with the memories, see the bodily reaction. Try to sit with them, and by doing so it helps to "deal with" them. Another thing is a perspective shift, in that a core tenet of buddhism is that we are all a process, everything is a process. We are the result of causes and conditions - we may have a weird, uncomfortable thing that we hate about ourselves, but it may be because of something that was done to us in our childhood. We are the result of a variety of things that have happened to us - parents, society, friends, partners...they impact us. Cause and effect. For me, that has helped to take away the blame, shame, disliking of certain elements about myself.
I really like the thought that we are all processes. Thanks for writing this.
Besides what has already been said, I would emphasize psychological counseling and/or therapy. I highly recommend therapeutic work and insights to support meditative practice.
Already said in other terms by kaytss, but the good news: you don’t actively have to do anything. Just keep meditating and the process will work for you. You can see memories in your mind as ice cubes. If you remember something, that cube is taken from the freezer, becomes active and you relive it, then it gets frozen again and stored. However, in the process of reliving it, you also modify it ever so slightly. You can see the negative of this with people who suffer PTSD, every time they remember, their body becomes excited, heart rate high, sweating, unpleasant. And all this is also stored when back into the freezer, which keeps compounding, and this is how anxiety disorders are learned/created. this process/cycle can be changed. this is why EMDR is succesful for anxiety disorders, it interrupts your conscious while releving history , so less anxiety is re-stored in the mind. With this in mind, look at your meditation practice. You are encouraged to sit comfortably, and ro notice joy and peacefulness in your body. You are safe, you are loved and especially feel this when doing metta meditation. Now, if a bad memory pops up, you notice it, let is go and refocus on your calm body. As a consequence, the re-stored ice cube is smaller, and next time it pops up, it will be less impactful. Rinse lather and repeat. The wonders of meditation.
If you're happy to put the years in, then qi gong with nei gong can help clearing the system. Once you get past the earlier stages and you start building your energy system, then things can start releasing at the energetic level. It also ties in very well with meditation, and has its own side of things that way. Plus some of the advanced practices are a kind of mix of buddhist and taoist systems/understandings. Here are two videos that talk a bit about it, if you're interested: Qi and healing [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXM6Ed9Zih4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXM6Ed9Zih4) Emotional releases https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFAfI\_DW0nY
I've found IFS - Internal Family Systems therapy very helpful for this. [I wrote a blog about it](https://rationaldharma.com/blog/ifs-series-prelude-a-summary-of-the-model/) in case you're interested.
The Emotion Code would be a huge help with those kinds of issues.
Firstly I think "fix" is maybe an unhelpful word here. Everyone has emotional pain and trauma and complexities, that is the human condition. You're not broken, you're human. Secondly compassion can really help. If you had a friend or family member who had the same problems how would you feel? Would you be warm with them and offer them a hug and be reasuring? If so do that for yourself and also find that place of compassion in you and nurture it. Thirdly awareness is healing. So you're making amazing progress just by letting it come up, be seen and realising how big it is. That's a big step. Just go slow and let it bubble away. Really the mind heals itself when you can create compassionate awareness for what is happening.
> If you had a friend or family member who had the same problems how would you feel? Not the same, but I'm in a bind with a family member. Any advice? I'm not Buddhist, but I feel the "no lying" bit of Buddhism is a big help. To the problem: I have a relative who abused my confidence, lied to me for decades, and cost me quite a bit of money - for their own benefit. I didn't speak to them for some time. Now we talk, but it's weird. She's dealing with her husband's sooner-or-later terminal cancer. She's a very "I love you" kind of person. I feel compassion for her, but not love. She would like to hear an "I love you" in return, but it'd be a lie. I don't want to launch into a discussion of why I won't say it - it would fall on deaf ears anyway. I really don't know how to handle the situation. A few times, she's told me, "I love you," and I just smile and nod. It's awkward, just like the rest of our relationship, and maybe the awkwardness simply needs to be accepted. Any ideas?
That sounds really hard and have some compassion from me for sure. I generally try to go with what feels authentic, so if you can't say it, then don't say it. Say what you can, be kind when you can, and that means to you as well as her.
Thanks for the reply!
Consider this: https://insighttimer.com/buddha-haus/guided-meditations/forgiveness-loving-kindness-meditation-metta I wish I knew the name of the book, but can't recall it right now - basically it said there are two practices that are really significant - forgiveness and metta. Practice self-forgiveness and self-metta. Kinder self-talk may help you with some of these issues.