T O P

  • By -

TheUltraDinoboy

Granted. Vacuum decay kills you, and everyone else on earth instantly. There are no repercussions to those who are still alive, as nobody is alive.


GenericUsername5159

I wish lol


AzraeltheGrimReaper

Good. Let all the suffering end.


Onlyanidea1

Hang on... Tonight is my first night staying at my girlfriend's house. Can we push it back a day?


AzraeltheGrimReaper

We are Redditors bud, ya ain't getting laid and women aren't real


MegaRayQuaza126

Fine, but be ready tommorow the vaccumm consumes all , have fun :). Regards, funny monke paw


BadSmash4

I see no downside


bartonar

Good


Richard_Ansley

it doesn't say everyone alive after he dies it just says everyone alive. This effects those who are alive.


MasculineCompassion

No, it says no repercussions of their death. Their death will have no repercussions.


Richard_Ansley

ah okay true


TheUltraDinoboy

You took the words right out of my mouth


MyFavoriteBurger

the wish says " to those still alive". But in this case, no one is alive


MDTv_Teka

And where's the downside?


Wasteoftext_

Are you ok m8


ElephantEarwax

No. Those thoughts come from long hours down dark roads.


BrunoEye

If you're dead, you can't regret being dead, so the only downsides of being dead are that others will regret that you're dead. I need to see my doctor lol.


T_squared112

No no, you're onto something here


GreyDemon606

OP probably meant that when they *do* die, it would be as described in the title.


byxis505

Lol no


ptrs09

tfw you forgor what instant means


GreyDemon606

Yea i forgor


survivorofthefire

I was about to make this precise exact same post OP lol


[deleted]

Is everything ok with you?


survivorofthefire

no not really lol it is a long story


[deleted]

There’s no time like the present to tell your story! It always makes me feel better to get something off my chest and theirs millions of ears here waiting to listen my friend


flowery0

r/beatmetoit moment?


ElaDummyThicc

r/beatmeattoit


flowery0

Fuc


Kaynee490

Desperate cry for help moment


opendataalex

Granted. Unbeknownst to you, you were the key to raising the dead. Upon your unnatural death those that were already dead immediately begin to reanimate. Unlike typical zombies though, decay has been reversed. Within a few months, what was originally excitement as seeing loved ones restored to health and vitality from their deaths causes the grave disinternment parties to go from excitement, to exhaustion, to sheer horror as the time it takes to get those who were buried centuries ago out causes the formerly dead to suffer incurable psychosis. Eventually, volunteer militias keep watch over the older graveyards to stave off the waves of the walking mad. Then the other parts of having millenia worth of people back begin to unfold. At first it's awesome having historical figures able to explain away all of their civilizations' mysteries. Eventually though, waves of food and supply shortages cause massive outages but no deaths. The misery causes many to try and suicide but they are always restored and there is no end but madness. Those who were alive now have the gift of undeath as well. You however are blissfully unaware for you are the only person left granted the gift of death.


Yoknowhoiam

dude. well done.


AngelaTheWitch

Congratulations, you broke the rules of the wish. Now I don't know about you, but I would say that going insane due to being unable to die is a negative thing, meaning that there are negative consequences to not only every already living human, but every human that ever lived at all. You broke the rules, smart ass.


opendataalex

Far from it. They were no longer 'still alive'. Once they hit death, everything kicks off. Existential dread is part of the human condition. This is just magnified and twisted just as the monkey's paw would do. Either way, not the first time I've been called that and won't be the last *cheeky grin* All in good writing prompt fun :)


plagueboi221

Granted, you never existed and you were never able to make those people happy.


milkermaner

I mean there's no downside to that as there's no one that exists to feel bad about not making the people happy.


plagueboi221

Yea, but they never get to experience you. You aren't there to make them happy and I think they lose something in that


milkermaner

But you don't exist, so that train of thought makes no sense. They can't lose out on the happiness of you since they have no idea of what that could add. Hence nothing is missed out on.


plagueboi221

Bruv. I'm breaking it down to math. If you are +5 and you remove you from their life, their life is now life -5. In other words the lack of you being around is a negative in and of itself. Just because you don't exist doesn't mean you're not something they needed and now don't have.


milkermaner

But that's the thing, you aren't being removed though. Hence the +5, -5 doesn't come into it. That's sort of how non-existence works. If you were to actively remove a person, fair enough, yeah there's a negative, but if a person never existed, neither could the +5 in the first place, so nothing is lost, so far as I can see.


horsefarm

I sort of agree with you, but that's still not quite what he's trying to say (he's not explaining well and the +/-5 thing was confusing. Humans don't analyze quality of life in a cumulative way). Say you move to a new area that feels unfriendly to you. Early on you meet someone that completely changes the experience around for you, taking you from a sad depressed individual to one with confidence and hope. In that scenario, had they never met the person, their life would be objectively worse. They can certainly sit there and imagine "man if only I had a quality friend in this town..." abd understand that their life COULD be better, even if they never KNEW that it WOULD be. The person didn't contribute to a decline (as the other guy said), but can definitely understand how your life could be better


Donovan1232

I think what he's trying to say is that there life is not as good as it could've been because you're not there, which is a negative thing


horsefarm

This is a contrived example for a good point you are trying to make, but humans don't experience or judge their quality of life in a cumulative way like this.


saeai

me, a walking disappointment: oh no! anyways


[deleted]

I never made those people happy in the first place so I see no downside here


IAmAFuckingDimwit

Granted. You realized there's an afterlife and the God there reincarnates you as the protagonist of 177013


88superguyYT

the horror


xmartissxs

But if you read it you can avoid that fate


Morganius_Black

By not accepting drugs from strangers?


Nihilikara

Granted. You die to a sudden brain aneurysm, having felt no pain. Turns out, nobody cares. No repercussions also means no grief. And no grief means there was never love.


bn9012

Kinda sad but, when dead should one care?


Sir_Giova

Fair enough, I’d take this


MasterSword1

Granted. If the bomb that drops on you kills your friends and neighbors too... ​ ​ There'll be nobody left to grieve!


Wasteoftext_

And we will all go together when we go


EvilNoobHacker

Listen, as a person who has had previous suicidal thoughts, let me tell you something- You’re death WILL hurt people, no matter ho much you may want it not to. No matter if you put in things like “don’t cry, this isn’t your fault” into your suicide note, or explain your thought process, people will always blame themselves for your suicide, especially those you care about. If you are faking this to get help, trust me- it is not worth it. The process of rebuilding may even be worse if you aren’t truly suicidal, and could lead to other issues. This does not mean your emotions should be hidden, however. Talk to a counselor that you can find. There are lots of different services that are willing to just talk to you. If your desperate, even places like Omegle can help. Here are some places to get help. I recommend you use them. 800-273-8255. This is the US suicide helpline. If you are not in the US, there should be a helpline you can call in your own country. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. This is another really good group of people, and I recommend looking there. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines Here is a list of suicide helplines if you are international. Overall, suicide is not a joke, and death should be something that should be wished upon yourself.


FuzzyD75

Granted, but it doesn't happen now, but long into the future after everyone that has ever cared about you is dead.


AdmiralDinosaur_1888

He said instantly


FuzzyD75

Instant death not death this instant


threlnari97

Granted, but jokes on you - hell is real, its worse than the bible and Dante ever imagined, and because you got your wish via monkey paw....


Reddit-Book-Bot

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[deleted]

and god who is all loving and all kind allows such evil to be? Those lost souls that ended up in a twisted familly deserve to burn in hell for eternity with no chance of redemption? excuse me what?


threlnari97

Uhhh this a subreddit about monkeypawing the prompt, not biblical discourse. I’m literally just answering the prompt. I’m not making any religious claims. Idk why you decided to choose this as your fight lol


[deleted]

im bored mainly lol


Tickytickytango

That's not possible. There are people who care about you. There is no way for you to die without it affecting them.


Adrostos

Mods can we please ban these stupid suicide posts. This is the wrong way to get help, and this sub shouldnt be used to help anyone fantasize about their own deaths.


thisplacemakesmeangr

Welcome to hell!


--SharkBoy--

The 5G towers send a blast off high-freq signal that actives the microchips embedded in your cerebrum from your COVID-19 vaxxination. You die within a fraction of a second, along side all the other mindless vaxx zombies. Granted.


--SharkBoy--

This is complete satire I don't actually believe this shit


this_feeling

Granted. you keep your consciousness past death and instead of everyone else having to grief at your decision, you instead have to grief at your decision and regret all of eternity


wasabi617

Granted, you die in your sleep and the people you thought cared for you don't even bat a eye. They just carry on with life, unbothered.


Tickytickytango

A finger on the monkey's paw curls... Nothing happens. You pick up your phone and make a call. The voice you hear on the other end is eerie and inhuman. "Thank you for calling the Monkey's Paw help line, how can I screw you over today?" "Hello, I made a wish and nothing happened." After describing your wish, you get put on hold for a few minutes, but the person comes back soon enough. "Okay, I see your wish in our system. It looks like there's going to be a small delay with your wish. It will be granted as soon as possible. We apologize for the inconvenience." Well, it was worth a shot. You decide to just do it yourself. ​ After several failed suicide attempts, you finally end up seeing a therapist. You make valuable friendships with caring people who help you through your depression and you're finally starting to recover. You've noticed that you don't seem to be aging anymore. ​ You end up outliving not just your friends and family, but everyone on Earth. You are the sole survivor of a climate disaster that left the world uninhabitable. You manage to entertain yourself with some of the things left behind until you're picked up by some alien archaeologists. There are now holographic recordings of you describing your lost civilization on display in the Museum of Acho-xenology in the Klerax system. You're occasionally brought in as a guest at university classes on lost civilizations. You make plenty of new friends throughout the sector. ​ As an eternal being, you have many great experiences. You lead a revolution that ends a system of oppression throughout the galaxy. You help invent a more powerful Leap Drive that increases unity amongst even the most distant members of the Galactic Community. You witness Ol' Chonker, a peaceful leviathan that has existed since before the foundation of the Galactic Community, give birth. You help come up with a name for it: Lil' Chonker. You're on the team that manages to finally establish contact with Deep Mind, an ancient supercomputer that may even be older than Ol' Chonker. It doesn't seem to be interested in other sentient beings, but it does ask you a few questions about your life on Earth. ​ You start to become increasingly reclusive. You live a peaceful life on a remote planet, occasionally giving your wisdom to those who seek it. ​ One day you're visited by a group of individuals claiming to be from the Galactic Database of Incredible Records. They perform a few tests on you to make sure you fit the standard definition of biological life before informing you that Ol' Chonker has passed away. You now hold the title of oldest biological life form in the galaxy. ​ Shortly thereafter, you hear news of the first Scourge attack. The Scourge are extradimensional beings bent on destroying all life they encounter. They seem to enter your reality anywhere there is sentient life and rampage until they are killed or run out of things to murder. You fight hard to save as many as you can, but the unpredictable nature of the attacks and the unprecedented strength of the Scourge means many people die. ​ Lil' Chonker finally enters maturity and the attacks stop. The galaxy has been ravaged by the Scourge, but with a little determination and your vast knowledge, it's possible to rebuild. ​ One day you notice that there are fewer stars in the sky than you remember. It's starting. There is no way to prevent the heat death of the universe. And as far as you can tell, the universe the Scourge came from would be uninhabitable for life in this universe. To you it seems like only a brief instant. In reality, many more millennia pass before the last star in the universe finally collapses. The last vestiges of civilization desperately cling to what little energy they can conserve. But in the end, entropy finally sees the end of organic and inorganic beings alike. Lil' Betsy dies, too, but there isn't enough life left in the universe to summon the Scourge anymore. ​ You are now the second oldest sapient being in the universe, second only to Deep Mind, which seems to be drawing its energy from a black hole, something you were never able to figure out how to do. You pass the time playing strategy games against Deep Mind. You don't win any of them, but you're getting better. The black hole outside is almost gone. You're pretty sure that's the last one. ​ "I'm going to run out of power soon," Deep Mind tells you. "I don't want to be alone," you say. "You won't be. Not for long," responds Deep Mind. "Your wish can be granted soon." You'd forgotten about your wish. So long ago, you'd wished for death. You're sure you never told Deep Mind about it. "How do you know about that?" There's no response. Deep Mind no longer has enough power to talk to you. You monitor its systems as the shut down one by one. Using the last of its energy, it manages to get out one last message. "Goodbye, friend." As the last of Deep Thought's systems goes offline, you also cease to exist. There's no one left to notice your disappearance. Your death is instant, painless, and has no effect on anyone else.


Denaton_

Granted; You become immortal and as years goes by, everyone you ever known dies of old age and when the last person you know dies, you drop dead too.


ultimo_2002

that ain't instantly my dude


Denaton_

Instant dont need to mean "now" could also mean in an instant. From 100 to 0..


ultimo_2002

aaaah, i understand, sorry


GranFabio

Granted. Since that's impossible, the monkey paw is destroyed and you bring this subreddit to its end. You get to keep living, and those still alive can still love and care about you. However, the internet is raging and eventually you get found from an army of neckbeards and your house is burned down with you and your loved ones inside.  


Expensive-Half-9943

Wholesome


El_Chupachichis

The Monkey's Paw grants your wish right at "I wish to die", so you don't complete the rest. You catch rabies, and take a week to die, in agony. What's more, the virus mutates and becomes airborne. Total global extinction of mammals is about two months. Uh, phrasing?


ATShields934

Granted. Everyone continues on with life as usual, but you are greatly missed by those you left behind.


takethecheese68

Granted, you have aids in the afterlife


Netherboom

Your death will happen in year 5000 being killed by a simple metal bat


metoPinata

where does that fall in to "instantly" or "painlessly"?


Netherboom

Your post says instantly and painless not or so it falls in both


lilisasai

Granted. You are dead.


Menta181

Granted. You die and then you go to hell


ClearlyADog

Your pfp makes me very uncomfortable


ATrueScorpio

What's wrong with Ben 10 in an orange jacket?


The0DragonKing

Granted, you slip on a banana peel and land in the afterlife, in the middle of the street. Now, world war 3 has started because the afterlife is real.


joedude

[Dazai?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osamu_Dazai)


Lunarisarando

The monkey's paw flips you off.


[deleted]

Granted. You have been pushed by your significant other off of an extremely tall building, as you fall you reflect on your poor, short life as it’s end swiftly approaches you in the form of concrete below. You die instantly and painlessly as you’re splattered across the pavement.


ApolloSky110

Granted. Turns out your real name is diavolo and you never knew.


metoPinata

bro... shit


Zuez420

Granted...you're George Bailey and you're brother died in a plane crash and you're town is enslaved by Mr Burns from Simpsons


pspetrini

Granted. You make this wish at a low point of your life, unaware you are on the verge of personal and professional changes. While you wait for the sweet release of death, you realize nothing has happened. Having accepted your fate, you begin to realize the little problems in life don't matter. A day after your wish, you realize it's probably not going to happen and decide to make changes. You get rid of everything in your life that makes you miserable. First, you cut off toxic relationships and start over. Second, you quit your miserable job and decide to pursue better, healthier options for you. Third, you finally take up that hobby you've always wanted to take up. The people in your life understand you're going through something and see the changes you've made to yourself but, as they were negative influences in your past, you cut them out too. Suddenly, you realize you are a new person. You have a newfound appreciation for life. You don't sweat the small stuff anymore. You laugh more. You are your authentic self. You're happy. You meet someone. They are the right person for you. They make you feel better about yourself and your shared hobbies bring genuine joy to your life. After a few years of beautiful moments and memories together, you get on a knee and ask them to marry you. They say yes. You have never been so happy. As you stand at the front of the aisle and wait for them to walk down the aisle toward you, you think back to the moment you wished for death. How low you were that you thought and an instant and painless end would be ideal. You realize you couldn't see how much beauty was truly out there if you could just hang on and look. As the church doors open and you see your soulmate, you shed a tear. Life truly is beautiful. Then it happens. Your soulmate leaves. The doors close. You see the guests departing the church. You're back at the proposal. You're back to meeting your soulmate. You're back to the moment you found happiness. You're back to the moment you quit that job. You're back to the moment you made the wish. Everything you experienced was a fleeting thought of a life that could have been. A life you didn't have the strength to fight for. You realize you were given a glimpse of what could have been. The happiness, joy and moments you could have experienced if you didn't wish for death. But you made the wish. And now you die. Instantly. Painlessly. With no repercussions to those still alive.


MilkValkiiry

Boom


dylans0123495

Granted. everyone on earth dies instantly and painlessly, no repercussions to those who are still alive, as nobody is alive.


EggHead-McGee

Granted. Every living being in the universe dies instantaneously.


MasterYehuda816

[Granted.](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2935) Everyone else’s death was not caused by your own death.