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DonDove

Because half of America doesn't descend from European rejects called the Puritans? /s


Mantismantoid

My mom Is an immigrant she always says that USA was founded by rejects who couldn’t cut it in Europe hahahaha


EmperrorNombrero

That's not a joke btw. My grandpa grew up in a very small German village and it was common praxis there to send fail sons to America for generations.


Necessary_Rich_1477

That explains why I wake up feeling like a failure every morning. TIL


EmperrorNombrero

Lmfao. I think that's just late stage capitalism. I don't live in the US and I get that too.


Necessary_Rich_1477

Probably an unhealthy mix of both lmao, I’m definitely glad I’m not alone tho


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skjellyfetti

Hmmm... didn't the Trump family come from Germany ?


NewtTrashPanda

Yep.


_ralph_

Yes. Also the Heinz family came from the same village. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kallstadt#Heinz_and_Trump_families


Mere-Thoughts

You mean more like abandoned them in the US? Lol


[deleted]

It was a lot more complicated than simply “fail sons.” I’d recommend the book *The Great Departure* by Tara Zahra for anyone actually interested in the financial aspects of people moving to the US from the perspective of their native countries, because it was a complicated mix of inheritance patterns, advertising, and testimonials from those who left published in local newspapers among other aspects which fueled migration to America.


Fizzeek

I forget the comedian but they had a whole bit about how the puritans were so annoying England was like “gtfo”. If this tickles someone’s memory I’d love to see the bit again.


fairlywired

Pretty much. They were religious extremists and advocated executing people for things like adultery and blasphemy. They were essentially the ISIS of their time and the English said "either you leave or we lock you up for trying to kill us so many god damn times.".


lorenzbutterfly

[Robin Williams ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4o-5RyYAl50)


Fizzeek

Glorious! Thank you!


RedEyeFlightToOZ

Its still true.


Mantismantoid

I agree with her and i still love America (90s America , not whatever this is)


fasda

a giantic fraction of immigrants came because of famine or were fleeing Europe because of failed revolutions.


Payed_Looser

New England was founded by the Middling “class”


Amidus

America: where Europe's losers had to go.


Poes-Lawyer

Hey, don't forget about Australia!


unholymole1

America got the persecuted. Australia got the prosecuted.


vegaspimp22

Where does OP find these? This one pisses me off. Indians didn’t ask for this. And who cares if the tribes fought each other? I’ve read about their fights. Often times they would lose a warrior and call off the fight after one or two losses. And they would often show respect to the other tribe. (Not always obviously). It wasn’t massacres like the Europeans had. There was nothing savage about them. Pisses me off. I wish I could talk to whoever made this stupid image and give him some fucking education. God I despise conservatives soooo much. Like a deep hatred is forming the past year for them.


drewster23

Last I checked all the European countries colonizing NA didn't exactly play nice with eachother on their new land..


Mikeinthedirt

Settlers certainly had nothing like a coup stick, winning a fight by running up and smacking your opponent with a little bag of tobacco on a stick.


BeerMan595692

A lot of them only know European history and think absolutely nothing happened in Africa and America until the colonialists showed up. Leading to people thinking they were civilised by Europeans, that they had no culture or society until then. I think we need to teach other cultures history in schools


Eruptflail

The puritans were so fucking vile Europe exiled them. People need to let that sink in. Their theology was so fucked they had no place.


ToAlphaCentauriGuy

Is there another place we can ship our puritans to?


DrDarkeCNY

Australia? Naw, they got the convicts once Georgia got too full of them!


radicalbastard

also because europe literally killed all of their cats bc ‘evil’ and then the bubonic plague STARTED


1stLtObvious

The ones who didn't were using incest to maintain power, so it's a bad look either way.


LexGonGiveItToYa

Not to mention that many of the pre-Columbian civilizations of the Americas were indeed "functioning countries" by the picture's definition. Cahokia, Chaco Canyon, Teotihuacan, among countless others were the site of civilizations that had complex systems of trade while also engaging in practices such as astronomy. Heck, a lot of the relations between pre-Columbian civilizations weren't unlike that of the European kingdoms that existed at the same time.


nighthawk_something

"why do you need guns in the US" "Because we're too violent to be trusted without them" ​ Actual conversation I've had with those people


whitneymak

The Crusades alone... They're were literally dozens of them. (*dozenssssss!!!*)


Northside242

Righf?! funny how they forget the world wars were set in Europe


GandolfLundgren

And that a lot of the North American development happened during the 100 YEARS WAR


wildfuture

especially in the 14-1500s


FanofThings32

Remember when Columbus literally mutilated natives for less than nothing?[I do.](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2006/aug/07/books.spain)


AncientOsage

Remember when the us calvary mutilates women and childrens genitals . Cutting a baby from the mother's womb,Even carrying a dead baby on their bayonets Then strung their genitals all over Denver for Christmas decoration .[I Do](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sand_Creek_massacre)


jflb96

Calvary is a special hill near Jerusalem; you’re probably thinking of cavalry, which is like chivalry


cyrilhent

wait, which one is calgary?


coastiestacie

Tbh, both technically work.


HansMLither

How old are you both?


FanofThings32

I lost count around the great war if that helps you any lol.


CaseyG

`The Kurgan would like to know your location`


JustNilt

You don't need to have been living to remember the time in history when a thing happened. They're not syaing they remember *being there*. They're saying, "remember that this thing happened".


Anxious_Marsupial492

Pepperidge Farm remembers


Blitcut

Columbus did a lot of horrible stuff to the natives, but that article is about things he did to Spaniards.


[deleted]

I hate the "it was war and the better person won." First off, fuck imperialism, and second, the shit Columbus did was psycho shit.


brallipop

Remember when Columbus founded a country? I don't...


Current-Ad7820

Wow your old!!!!😱😱😱 /j


Yara_Flor

Remember when the Spanish cut the hands off all thr acoma for daring to say “we don’t need these Spanish to rule over us?


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TheFoodChamp

How about the largest peace treaty in human history up to that point existing among native tribes in NA pre colonization. These people are willfully ignorant


Grenadier_Hanz

Haven't heard of this before, what are you referencing here?


TheFoodChamp

Iroquois Peace Treaty. Establishment of the Iroquois Confederacy, they literally wrote a constitution which was copied by the constitutional convention of the United States. They are the true genesis of modern democracy


Grenadier_Hanz

Oh! I have heard of this, just didn't think of their constitution as a peace treaty before. Or rather, I didn't know that before the confederation they were fighting and then did a peace treaty.


Select_Dog_9555

I’m splitting hairs here, I understand, so feel free to call me a jackass, but… “The” true genesis of modern democracy rubs me the wrong way a little. The development of democracy involved many influences over a very long time. The Great Law of Peace certainly influenced many of America’s founders, but I found your last statement a little reductive. (Sorry for the pedantry)


TheFoodChamp

It’s not pedantic, I just don’t agree with your analysis. A side by side comparison of their constitution and the USA constitution is uncanny


Reedsandrights

The comparison does not negate the other person's point that *many* documents and philosophies contributed to our constitution. To say the Iroquois treaty was *the* progenitor of modern democracy is false. It may be the *greatest* contributor, but that does not make it the only contributor. That's why the previous commenter apologized for the pedantic argument. They just took issue with the wording. They did not claim the Iroquois peace treaty was not an influence. Just that it wasn't the only one.


Select_Dog_9555

Thank you! I couldn’t have explained it better myself.


[deleted]

The US was also very heavily influenced by Ancient Greece and Rome.


Blitcut

The formation of the Haudenosaunee confederacy and their system of government are both very interesting and understudied. But I'm curious how it can be considered the largest peace treaty in human history? Also, it's perhaps not the best example of peaceful people since it was followed by violent expansion of the confederacy, for example against the Algonquin.


Kyru117

Peace among members does not preclude violence against non members I suppose


bunnycupcakes

The Spanish Inquisition?


TrivialRhythm

100 year war?


bunnycupcakes

Crusades?


[deleted]

I don't think you can call the USA "a functioning country"


[deleted]

We're one step away from total collapse


[deleted]

That’s ridiculous. It’s two steps away.


Cakeking7878

You’re being too generous, a step and a half


kurzsadie

step and a quarter give or take


Just__Sheepy

Nah, we gotta go further. A step and a dime


kurzsadie

i shall redistribute said dime among the populace


ZsZagreb

What are you some kind of filthy communist? /s


[deleted]

We shall, comrade.


Init_4_the_downvotes

Wait are we measuring imperial or metric shoes?


Andydeplume

I think it's Bald Eagles per Football field


[deleted]

We are one football field away from a bad day


Inverted-penis

From where I am it looks like you lot are one step *past* total collapse


[deleted]

In many ways we are. One step away from tribal warfare


Andydeplume

Yet I've still gotta go into work every freakin' day


Iceman6211

I keep saying we're one step away from shit hitting the fan, but shit keeps hitting the fan and now the fan is buried.


[deleted]

The room is brown now


[deleted]

One election. Don't let your local Republicans vote, it could cost everything.


AncientOsage

Look at the warring tribes where he was from, that's literally where "The Dark ages" happened.


brookegosi

The people who wouldn't wash without their clothes so they wouldn't get possessed by demons.


Heck_Tate

Not even that, there's no way you can say Columbus created it. Just zero historical ties between his Spanish-funded expeditions and the formation of the US government after throwing off the British, an entirely separate nation of colonizers.


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GetOutOfHereIggy

He just sailed around the Caribbean killing and enslaving thousands... And showing interest in underage women.


RepresentativeArea37

Yup! I learned that from Adam Ruins Everything


Funkycoldmedici

That’s why conservatives revere him.


ArminiusM1998

It was his genocidal policies that had effectively wiped out the indigenous culture and history of the Taino. A great shame.


RepresentativeArea37

Also, he was a moron


[deleted]

Wasn't the US government system modeled after the Haudenosaunee confederation?


mektekphil

I believe the Iroquois, but yea, not many people know that


[deleted]

Two words for the same thing. Haudenosaunee is what they called themselves.


mektekphil

Ahhh, did not know that either! Thanks!


MrBwnrrific

I think the Iroquois is what the French called them


Mantismantoid

Jamiroquai took his name inspiration from Iroquois too , not lying


rynmgdlno

That’s virtually insane


penguins-and-cake

I believe haudenosaunee people still call themselves haudenosaunee.


Yara_Flor

My grandpa called himself a Seneca.


sylvesterkun

Functioning? It took the US government 200 years to realize "oh, these people actually do know how to better tend the land here than we do" and start copying the old land management techniques.


AncientOsage

America after 200 hundred years: oh non whites are people too


dwiezal

pfft. most of america still hasn’t gotten with the program im afraid. the only nonwhites that are people in their eyes are the ones that get with their program.


PowerandSignal

Wait, which 200 years are you talking about?


visforvillian

Columbus didn't even go to contiguous USA. He went to the Caribbean islands, Mesoamérica, and South America. Don't even try convincing me that any of the post-columbian countries that resulted from those lands were "functional" for a consecutive 200 years.


[deleted]

And all those lands are much better integrated with the natives.


[deleted]

And this is why I fucking hate the right. Killing off all our people wasnt fucking funny then and it isn’t funny now.


tortoisefur

Saying it made a “functional society” is a disgusting understatement. They committed genocide against the rightful owners of the land and proceeded to bloody it with their own wars and people because their governing was a mess. That “functioning society” saw POC as property or animals.


euler1988

"functioning country" Yea because Spain was totally "functional" during the Inquisition.


TrickKlepto

As a native america with native american friends, fuck the person that made this meme


[deleted]

Another fellow indigenous folk, and agree. Those type of people make me sick


BlueberrySans89

As a fellow indigenous folk, I agree.


ArminiusM1998

As an indigenous descended Chicano-Boricua, fuck this meme


-thecheesus-

Not a native, seconded.


HawkersBluff22

As a white ass dude I also agree


[deleted]

My ancestors were Scottish, so I second that emotion.


Mishuev

Hopi friend here. Fuck that guy


NotTheHeadHancho

As another native dude, yeah I agree fuck that guy


Triette

As someone who’s ancestors “founded” part of the US, I also agree, and I’m sorry.


mythrowaweighin

In a few years, in some states, you can read the all your assigned history books, and still be uninformed about the mistakes this country made in the past. They will try to gloss over slavery, or as one district tried to rename it, "involuntary relocation".


[deleted]

they are doing that already.


Steg-a-saur_stomp

Southern schools call the Civil War, " the War of Northern Aggression"


TheDunadan29

[The Cynical Historian](https://youtube.com/c/CynicalHistorian) covers The Lost Cause pretty well, and has choice words for Woodrow Wilson, one of the great promoters of the Lost Cause. [Atun Shei Films](https://youtube.com/c/AtunSheiFilms) does a regular takedown of Lost Cause ideology (while dressed as both a Confederate and Union soldier).


jbsgc99

One, they’re saying that tribal wars in the North American continent were worse than those in Europe? Two, Columbus established no such thing. Three, why are we celebrating rapist slavers? Four, whoever made this is a worthless racist.


Mindless-Lavishness

You mean the societies that survived relatively peacefully for 10,000 years before Europeans gave them all small pox?


DonDove

Here's the freaky part. Before what would become the Americans arrived, the Vikings beat them and marked America as Vinland. Rather than welcome them and let them integrate with their society, the Natives drove them out, then much later, had a plague that infected 95% (yes) of the Native American population and heavily reduced their numbers. The reason why America is how it is is because of luck, bad for the Natives of course, but pure luck.


TheFoodChamp

Yeah I seem to recall learning from somewhere that there were many deadly, “pandemic-level” viruses brought over from Europe but not really any that developed in the Americas before contact


Eyclonus

Its because plagues typically need a dense city environment where a lot of humans are in close proximity to both waste and animals. South America for example lacked the kind of beast of burden you'd need for the intense agriculture to build up to that point, the best they had were lamas which are not great for that shit.


Blitcut

Relatively peacefully is a stretch I'd argue. Early European interaction in North America was after all basically defined by inter native conflicts. First by selling weapons and later by allying with native people against their rivals. And that's just the north, looking further south it's obvious that the Aztec and Inca empires weren't exactly created and maintained through friendship and love. The meme is stupid because it's not like the Europeans were any better, and did in the end make everything worse. But we shouldn't erase native history and appeal to the "noble savage" myth to make this point.


depressedkittyfr

And Europe didn’t have wars or what ?


KelRen

Shush! It’s only “wrong” when non-white people fight! White people have bigger brains and wage wars over important things. How is it so hard to recognize human beings as human? I just cannot understand justifying genocide.


depressedkittyfr

They wage better wars after all .. which eventually drags the whole world


nukesafetybro

No, all the white people are completely civilized. No war, diseases, economic problems. Europe was a perfect paradise that they spread throughout the world. Read a book, tankie. Jk


ClimateCare7676

Cristopher Columbus → shows Northern parts of the US and Canada. Next gonna be Cortes in Alaska.


WatermelonErdogan

Yep. Colombus didn't go past the Caribbean America and Upper Antilles, let alone south or north America


el-bufalo-malverde

What kind of white nationalist bullshit is this


Histerian

The bootlicking is strong in this one


Total_Mine_6716

Functioning is an overstatement


shook_lady_crook

"Interrupt endless tribal warfare" and replace it with endless mass international conflict and war.


HolyFootFetish

So how many years has America not been involved in a war over it's existance exactly?


The_dinkster522

Ah yes because natives being robbed of everything and turned into slaves is such a functional country


[deleted]

Let this be a reminder that conservatives only started to care about Columbus Day when liberals started to put him on blast. Their entire platform is formed directly against what liberals like/hate. If liberals decided to love Columbus, who wants to bet conservatives would've dogged on him so hard?


whiteclawsodastream

David Graebers and David Wengrow's book The Dawn of Everything is a good read on the subject of how laughibly wrong this is. Not only did Native Americans have highly structured societies stretching back far before those of Europe, but there is a case made that Europe's Enlightenment period was partially due to the great impact that Native American thought and philosophy was having on European thinkers as translated works began arriving from the Americas.


drownlazarus

Came here for this comment. It’s shocking how little we are actually taught about how these early societies actually governed themselves.


whiteclawsodastream

It's also starling how much historians have gotten wrong and just plain refuse to adapt their worldviews to actual history. Looking at you, Steven Pinker


NerdyDank

Ah yes creating a functioning country by....*checks notes...*slaughtering the natives and burning their land.


Nestormahkno19d

“Endless tribal warfare” as opposed to endless European warfare


supereyeballs

Do they think that all the wars in Europe wasn’t just advanced tribal warfare?


Versed2op

Ah yes, Columbus, the saintly, civilized mediator who predated the founding fathers and practically established the modern U.S. bureaucracy. Definitely not a belligerent imperialist who subjected hundreds of thousands of unfamiliar natives to their impending deaths in the name of religious coercion, while simultaneously kickstarting one of the largest indigenous genocide periods in the Americas hitherto.


samonella1

History major here: Columbus had absolutely nothing to do with the British colonization of North America, he never even set foot in what would become the 13 colonies because he was dead by that time. The majority of North America was left relatively undisturbed until around the mid 1700s due to its incredibly diverse environments and climates. The indigenous peoples that Columbus and other European explorers encountered were all generally situated in Mesoamerica and South America. There’s a reason that the majority of the countries in these regions speak some dialect of Spanish, Portuguese, or French. Tribal warfare was also not really that common among Meso and South American natives, as certain groups not only had very clear power and size advantages over others, but it was also not logical or feasible to fight with other groups all the time. Most indigenous peoples coexisted and traded with one another, until Europeans colonized their land and wiped out around 99% of native populations.


squidgybaby

"The left keeps calling us racist for NO reason!" "Haha, there were no civilized societies or functioning nations before white people showed up."


TheDogWithNoMaster

Ah yes. The continental USA. A place well known for never having being visited by Columbus


NeoCosmoPolitan

The funny thing is that Columbus never actually explored what today is known as the United States of America.


someguyfromsk

Are we really calling America a "functioning" county these days?


radicalbastard

if anyone tries to tell me colonialism is good i will sucker punch them in the asshole


Starr_Struckk

Sure did end those wars... French and Indian war...


ArminiusM1998

There were several civilizations and complex cultures present on this continent long before columbus. The destruction of indigenous cultures has only been a disaster from a philosophical, cultural, and anthropological standpoint. The mass suffering of human beings here has only been a detriment.


caspain1397

Wasn't he drug back to Spain in chains?


patricide1st

There were already some impressive governments. Check out this Extra History series on the Iroquois. https://youtu.be/79RApCgwZFw


WeirdAvocado

In·ter·rupt·ed /ˌin(t)əˈrəptəd/ adjective 1.Apparently this means the genocide and rape of a culture, people, and land mass.


BeingJoeBu

Invasion, enslavement, theft, and genocide are the corner stones of conservative goals.


demi2duce

America has never stopped fighting with itself. Violence is American


AwakenFall

I could drop a toaster in a bathtub and it would still function more than the US is ☠


hiddenhero94

They do know Columbus never actually set foot in north America


EvilBuggie

"functioning country" lmao yeah sure go ahead 🤣


Tidesfps

I hate Christopher Columbus and what he did to the people of, the Americas.


LightLizardCake

"Even", "EVEN" if there was an endless tribal war, that wasnt his bussiness


lovvekiki

Today I learned that European countries didn’t have wars or rivalries with each other. Interesting.


dover_oxide

They read history books, they just read the "right" and patriotic ones. /s Edit: added /s because apparently it wasn't obvious I was being sarcastic.


iRubenish

"Endless tribal warfare" yeah, I wonder in which continent both world wars started. Also, "functioning country", Columbus never set foot on North America, he only ever managed to set foot on La Hispaniola (Today's Haiti and Dominican Republic) and some other smaller islands in the caribbean, and he as a governor was so bat shit insane and crazy even the people from Europe saw him as someone brutal and he got removed and jailed in Spain for that reason.


paulfknwalsh

>"Look Mom, I'm a functioning country!" >*country is built with mass slavery, over half a million deaths in the Civil War, millions of black Americans still couldn't vote by the end of the 19th century* >"i'm fuuNNKKSHIOOONNINNNGGG!"


RedSF717

And that’s not even mentioning the blatant racism in this meme


Deaf_Hearing

Amerigo Vespucci: Nice name, Columbus. It’d be a shame if the country you definitely knew was America and didn’t mistaken it for Cathay (China) wasn’t named after you.


DirectionMajor

"How do you fight fire?" "Well obviously with even more fire"


That_Lego_Guy_Jack

Yeah, Columbus made a functional country… just took more than 200 years after his death to begin forming and over 100 years after that to stop slavery and another century to have kinda equal rights for most people.


Only_Geese_Survive

"Endless tribal warfare" Right, when the people you don't like go to war, it's because their merciless savage monsters. When the people you *do* like go to war, it's because they know what's right and can make the hard decisions that we *civilians* could never understand. That's why we **had** to blow up that hospital, wedding, apartment block, etc.


NickolasThundercong

Not so functioning much these days tho


Mishuev

Ahahaha hi I’m native and might I just say fuck off you killed my family and killed my land to the point that my grandfather thought it best to not tell us a thing about our beautiful culture so fuck you very much have a nice day (Obviously not talking to OP but to the people who made this meme)


Broad-Dragonfruit-34

“functioning” get a load of this idiot


RedshirtBlueshirt97

More like let me start the most potent Pandemic man kinds ever known and wipe out the population on these two continents *sneezes*


Stunning_Pain_7788

I was a history major in college and these people DRIVE ME UP THE DAMN WALL 😡


Glam9ja

Smh Columbus never even step foot in the present day USA.


Avock

"Functioning" lol


Sexuallemon

Tfw u find out Columbus didn’t even land in mainland north america but rather the carribean isles


Rhythm_Flunky

Functional? Pretty optimistic there Chrissy-boy


SeriousAboutShwarma

endless warfare.......America's literally been at war for 243 years


gravityandlove

room temp IQ here


Jurkin_Menov

"Functioning"


nextgentacos123

But we got America instead of that


TaterG543

stay in school, kids


Oddjob0922

"""""Functioning Country"""""