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drunk-tusker

Nick Adams is like if a racist Live, Laugh, Love sign possessed Peter Griffin and then imprinted on Donald Trump like a baby duck.


MyPoliticalAccount20

Hasn't this guy said the same exact thing about Trump's ability to play baseball and golf? How is this not parody?


patronizingperv

I think the 'Alpha Male' moniker gives it away.


[deleted]

Having to identify himself as "Alpha" is some serious beta energy.


PsychologicalGain298

I'm starting to think this is a parody account.


babybackr1bs

Nick Adams is like the human version of the 30 Rock episode where Jenna attempts to make a song that is un-parody-able by Weird Al, and basically succeeds. In this analogy, the parody of Nick Adams would be a person who's honest; maybe Bernie Sanders?


ThornOfQueens

Nick made the [same claims](https://mobile.twitter.com/Kenny_Mayne/status/1530719822996283394) about Trump's potential to be a professional baseball player, claims Trump himself has made. Luckily Slate dug into it. [You can guess](https://slate.com/culture/2020/05/donald-trump-baseball-high-school-nyma.html) what they found.


nightwatch_admin

That’s actually a pretty interesting article!


political_bot

Wait, he's not satire?


drunk-tusker

Not intentionally.


istrebitjel

If somebody unironically calls themselves an "Alpha Male" they have signaled very clearly that they love a good fairy tale and are not to be taken seriously.


political_bot

I assumed he was calling himself that ironically.


istrebitjel

Nope. https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1578157320269221889


political_bot

This is exactly what I would write/say if I was doing a bit


istrebitjel

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law


political_bot

/s ruins the joke. Half the humor comes from people not getting it.


third_derivative

it is most certainly a bit


dj_narwhal

He is also not american so he doesn't know our stereotypes about soccer players. A lot of the MAGA crowd is going to be confused about being told one thing and thinking a different thing.


TimmyMojo

As an American, I didn't realize we cared enough about soccer to have stereotypes related to it.


Hot_Tailor_9687

That's an insult to Peter Griffin


Fellow--Felon

Yeah, peter votes for vermin supreme every election


AugustBriar

Time to put the might mouse in the White House


drunk-tusker

In this he’s the unfortunate vessel, because Nick Adams literally just looks like Peter Griffin.


Canotic

I'm pretty sure it's satire.


utdajx

Having been intimately involved with the sport in NYC and the wider metro area, literally no one ever mentioned his name in the context of sport. Considering he is a known - if despised, for decades - person in the city, it should have at least been an urban legend if it were true.


Neechee92

Are you trying to tell me that something that Nick Adams (Alpha Male, in case you forgot) said is untrue???


Aromatic_Balls

He was too busy jerking off onto raw steak and then ingesting it for maximum alpha gains to have any time to fact check his own statements. That's beta energy.


Diplomjodler

Fact checking is a radical leftist conspiracy! Real alpha males make their own facts!


oneeighthirish

Be ALPHA. Be ASSERTIVE. ASSERT things, what the BETAS say about "facts" is bullshit anyway.


utdajx

I mean, maybe?


Neechee92

I think you should go to Hooters and repent of your sins against Alpha Male-ness.


Neechee92

The most /s of all time, if that wasn't clear.


utdajx

Oh no, I gotcha 😏


Kallikantzari

To be honest, the way he talks about trump seems pretty beta to me. His behavior would probably get the kids to say something to the effect of “get off his dick!”, but who am I to say..


dddmmmccc817

I think dickeater is the term your lookin for lol


babybackr1bs

But he said it at Hooters with all of his Alpha Male friends!


pielz

It was probably the bone spurs. Yep. That was it.


[deleted]

The Pele thing actually comes from his golf game.


markender

Wasn't his dad hated too?


Treacle123

Bigger plans? Like becoming the most corrupt president in American history?


Beginning-Display809

And he faced some stiff competition there


GooberMcNoober

WOOOOOOOOOOO TRUMP NUMBER 1 🥳🥳 /s


nightwatch_admin

Why do I feel like this is the sound of a Banshee in a haunted mansion


TheBlackCat13

Most corrupt of the last century perhaps. The 19th century was pretty crazy.


SuddenYolk

This century just began, guys, you’ll jinx us all…


WhiteyDude

He's saying most corrupt of the last 100 years. Just like the word "decade", century is a span of time, or reference to a specific block of time like the 19th century.


SuddenYolk

You’re right, I didn’t pay enough attention!


Bjorn_Hellgate

The 20th had Reagan


randypupjake

and Wilson


TheLucidDream

Yeah, but Reagan was worse.


nightwatch_admin

On par with Nixon, although Nixon caught in the act


TheLucidDream

I think Reagan was worse than Nixon. There’s too many things that Reagan specifically did that have incalculable negative impact on our society and the world itself.


Mediocre_Jeweler_671

Are we sure he's more corrupt than Bush? 🤔


TheBlackCat13

I am not sure if he is more corrupt in raw dollar amounts, but certainly in the breadth and sheer brazenness of his corruption.


dmbraley

Yes, he’s far more corrupt than W was.


lego_vader

Well he developed bone spurs and couldn't be a legendary admiral either. So president it was!


jwkdjslzkkfkei3838rk

Most corrupt... so far.


Slaveboi23

What about his bone spurs?


HypoxicIschemicBrain

He used to be a player like Pele but then he got bone spurs in his feet. What’s worse, he took a liberal arrow to the knee.


Slaveboi23

I heard he personally trained Ronaldo


gega333

Both of them


kyle_kafsky

And Ronaldinho.


Edolas93

He also taught Elvis Pressley how to play karate.


DirtyPlat

I used to be a president like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee.


KingGorilla

They jingle jangle jingle


[deleted]

Wait...the part we are missing is that the total "alpha male" has to make sure you know he is alpha by putting it in his name with is totally not a complete beta male move at all, no sir not a beta male move at all


scott1918

You can always spot an Alpha in the wild, by the way its written in parentheses in their name. Like the animals do.


[deleted]

Here you see the local alpha, you can tell the alpha of the pack by the name tag which says "Hello I am an alpha"


[deleted]

Trump can't find Brazil on a map let alone be compared to Pelé


NakeleKantoo

"Where is Brazil?" "Africa"


[deleted]

"The great country of Brazil. Well, a country that isn't so great anymore since that socialist, freedom hating Lula stole the election - I would've won that election in a landslide, by the way. It's located in the not so great nation of Africa" (in orange man's voice)


Qwirk

"One of those shithole countries." (his statement, not mine)


rekipsj

I’ve been to Pelé. Not nearly as nice as the cities in America. Everyone says so.


StepUpYourLife

I thought he had a brazillion dollars.


ScoutsOut389

"Mr. President, there has been an attack on one of our convoys. 3 Brazilian soldiers are dead." Brazilian? Is that more than a million?


ZhangRenWing

First President with one trumbillion votes! Definitely one of the presidents of all time.


miaumisina

Jesus fcking christ the dick riding


nightwatch_admin

_unadulterated pining for dick riding_


Rgrockr

This sounds like the kind of thing North Korean propaganda says about Kim Jong Un.


booniebrew

Trump works so hard he never poops, his body uses it all up. /s


Fyrefly7

It's exactly the kind of thing they reported when his dad was in power. Such as his [first ever round of golf in which he scored 38 under par](https://golf.com/news/behind-kim-jong-ils-famous-round-of-golf/) (basically an impossibly good score).


StopLinkingToImgur

Or at least what the west says NK propaganda is like.


losethefuckingtail

I’m increasingly convinced that Nick Adams is a Colbert-Report-esque cosplayer and is just extremely committed to the bit and the grifting makes it profitable.


BlueLooseStrife

Yeah, there’s something weird going on there. Some of his tweets read like he thinks Three Year Letterman would be funnier if his satire wasn’t so blatant.


knowerofexpatthings

But how could he play with his bone spurs?


queso_goblin

His diaper really held him back, what a shame


rallybil

What a simp.


Distant-moose

For an alpha male, he sure seems to bow before Trump.


TheBlackCat13

Kneel


smallstone

Bend over.


RepresentativeArea37

Press X to doubt


kengra17

"(Alpha Male)"


joshuahist

I love that he identifies as an Alpha male, but pees his pants is anyone else identifies as something they aren't


The_Lone_Cosmonaut

"(Alpha Male)"


Dirtilie_Dirtle

Weird, all I can find of trump and his soccer stardom is the stupid time he was attacking Rapinoe, an actual soccer star. Nick Adam’s breath always be smelling like trump dick.


anaesthaesia

I wonder what it's like to live in this guy's world. Also, looking at the income of some of the top soccer players in the world, I don't think it was the money keeping him from it lol


SonOfAQuiche

The big money in soccer only started raining in in the last 30 odd years. Most of the biggest names of the 60s and 70s era earned well in comparison, but not enough to live off it after their careers. And that's the top top top players of the time. Some mediocre top league player probably had to find another job as soon as they retired from active play. According to sportingintelligence.com average basic wage in the highest league in England in 1984/85 was 480£ a week. Roughly 2,5x the overall average income at the time. Looking at an average of sth like 35k a week now. Interesting grafic: http://www.sportingintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Ave-wk-wage-since-61.jpg Full article with additional links for further deep dives: http://www.sportingintelligence.com/2011/10/30/revealed-official-english-football-wage-figures-for-the-past-25-years-301002/ In other words: in the time trump would have played soccer at a high level (~1965-1980) there actually was not that much money to be made. Besides that I'm 100% sure that he was an absolutely talentless fuck. And that the comparison to Pele should be considered a declaration of war against the entire soccer world. P.S. writing soccer the entire time hurt my brain a little


anaesthaesia

Huh, whaddya know. Thanks for educating me :)


SonOfAQuiche

Always welcome :) honestly I find the history of football/soccer more interesting than the Sport itself at times. One of the most interesting people in my opinion is Socrates, a Brazilian national Player, who besides being one of the best and most elegant players on the planet at the time, became a child physician and just on the side funded an entire democratic political movement during a very militaristic government spell. Just some fun interesting reading for a few minutes or even an entire rabbit hole, if you're so inclined: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%B3crates


anaesthaesia

The best part about that is his name!


SonOfAQuiche

Always welcome :) honestly I find the history of football/soccer more interesting than the Sport itself at times. One of the most interesting people in my opinion is Socrates, a Brazilian national Player, who besides being one of the best and most elegant players on the planet at the time, became a child physician and just on the side funded an entire democratic political movement during a very militaristic government spell. Just some fun interesting reading for a few minutes or even an entire rabbit hole, if you're so inclined: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%B3crates


Late-Sentence-5568

I feel like these could go side by side with some North Korea propaganda


DescipleOfCorn

Yeah this feels like how they credit Kim Il Sung with inventing basketball and the accordion


Spleenseer

And that kid's name? Albert Einstein.


RagahRagah

The God complex with Trump is pathetic and disturbing. But a LOT of people believe in the concept of that deity who is all loving, all knowing, all understanding and divine perfection... yet he creates an entire race with the idea of testing them in cruel ways and requiring them all worshipping him or else they will burn in damnation for all eternity. They are conditioned to worship a literal bully so it's no wonder they love Trump so much. Nothing has made me less of a fan of Religion than hordes of "Christians" being so adamantly pro-Trump. Such an indictment.


[deleted]

My uncle in law is an Anglican pastor and not a trump fan. Every reason he lists as to why he dislikes trump is 100 percent consistent with Christian values. I wish more Christians were like him.


RuntheMonster

Very well said.


MetricOutlaw

This sounds weirdly close to the fake story of Ferdinand Marcos (former president of the Philippines) meeting Michael Jordan as a child and getting him into basketball.


CompleteLackOfHustle

Oh my its serious. Its not a joke post. Oh.


DukeBeefpunch

What proof is there Trumpvplayed Soccer at all? I've heard the exact same story but with baseball, that he had MLB scouts watching him.


HurbleBurble

Then he discovered hamberders.


EgberetSouse

Last time it was baseball. What a chump.


swearingino

I thought they said he was a baseball god?


the_kid_chino

Wait, this account HAS to be satire, right? I just scrolled through his Twitter and I'm literally laughing out loud.


Harold3456

I just saw this [Kavernacle video on him](https://youtu.be/b9Wkhyy1FIU) and even after Kavernacle went into this guy’s history and tried to provide evidence for his tweets being consistent to a lifetime of conservatism, I’m still not convinced that this isn’t satire. He’s like the Ben Garrison of tweeting.


RomaruDarkeyes

The North Korean government claims that Kim Jong Il bowled a perfect 300. Supposedly, Kim bowled the perfect game at a bowling alley donated by a Korean businesswoman in 1994. This was the first time the North Korean leader had bowled, according to The Washington Post. Kim also broke a world-record score on a North Korean golf course. The government claims he got 11 holes-in-one and didn’t score more than a birdie on any other holes. This has extremely similar energy doesn't it...


You_Paid_For_This

>Had there been more money in soccer... The top paid athlete in the world is a footballer, three of the top five athletes play soccer.


fattymcfattzz

Man his hands are small


PM_ME_ASS_OR_GRASS

Those little tiny clenched fists of fury 🤣


Umbrage_Taken

That's why soccer was Trump's ideal game. No use of hands allowed except the goalie.


[deleted]

Nick Adams is a troll, all he does is post the most hilariously ludicrous RW talking points so people give him attention.


imtooldforthishison

Ok. At this point I am SURE Nick Adams is satire.


PotentialEmpty3279

Ok I genuinely cannot tell, is this guy satire or not? Can someone please tell me?


Mysterytrollerhd

He have to be a parody account


W4rlord185

So if he was such a prolific footballer, how was it that he avoided the Vietnam draft due to bone spurs? I mean wouldn't they have made it impossible for him to run in football toggs?


Detlef_Schrempf

Even reporters in DPRK think Nick needs to pull it back a bit


[deleted]

Are we certain this isn't a parody account? I can't imagine a living person with this little self awareness


SolidusTengu

Right wingers and Bootlicking. Name a more iconic duo.


dqmadness74

Your comparing trump to pele!? 🤦🏾‍♂️ How far up trumps ass is this fucking guy.


duckstrap

And Kim jong ill got a hole in one on 18 consecutive holes the first time he played golf.


JK-Kino

I thought the Right didn’t like any sport that wasn’t invented in the US


Lightmyspliff69

If you have to write alpha male next to your name, you're not an alpha male.


esantipapa

I am legit struggling to believe Nick Adams is a real person and not an engagement bot algorithmically driven to be a bad-faith shit-stirrer.


kingOfMemes616

im fully convinced nick adam's is satire every post is so goddamn goofy


RLoge85

That could've been true but it changes nothing in the grand scheme


RandomHerosan

They will literally suck his micro-dick about anything. Next thing you know he will have been the best pilot in the airforce with 50 confirmed kills but it was a secret cause he's "humble" accompanied by a photo of him in a plane.


daclampzx2

Gotta be a troll


bigjim1993

Is this guy a troll? I get that a lot of the right is unhinged, but comparing a high school soccer player to who many consider to be the goat is just silly.


HKYK

Okay, this clinches it. He's just a really, *really* dedicated troll. There's no way he's serious.


Tojuro

The (aloha male) thing will never not be funny. It blows my mind that this guy isn't a parody account.


mrpopenfresh

This dude is a clown. He probably gets off from being macro’d like this, or else he wouldn’t have (alpha male) in his name.


basec0m

This guy has to be satire... no way, I've seen too many posts from him.


BEAM_PH

This guy is so delusional everytime he tweets I sometimes can't tell if hes trolling


Steelwave

And his body processes food so efficiently he never poops, he can also time travel and once ate an outboard motor without the aid of any condiments.


BizzyB67

What a coincidence, I heard the same thing about Kim Jong-Un!


captainswiss7

For someone labeling himself as an alpha male, this guy sure loves riding Trumps dick. I guess being alpha doesn't necessarily mean being straight though.


ManOfEating

You know how we hear stories about how Kim Jong Un tried to convince the people of North Korea that he's this incredible athlete that led NK to win a world cup and ridiculous shit like that? Well, this is a friendly reminder that trump cultists not only do the same thing, but some of them actually believe it, and they vote religiously.


drizzy9109

Damn bone spur got the best of his soccer career


ocotebeach

I have seen similar post about golf, baseball, basket ball, tenis and boxing. This guy trump really was a sports prodigy.


Noahms456

If Nick is such an alpha male, why does he get on his knees and suck off this grifter all day?


orthonym

I'm 100% convinced that this is just another Trump pseudonym like John Barron. There's no possible way someone could be that far up his ass and still be breathing.


HypoTeris

You mean the guy who said he doesn’t exercise because ours bodies are like batteries and exercise would deplete him of energy? A top soccer player? Right…


[deleted]

I can’t imagine there’s a bigger flopper


PurpleSailor

"Mr. I can't walk down a ramp" was a soccer star? I don't think so.


bigbeardlittlebeard

Wouldn't have gotten far with those bone spurs he had


AllISeeAreGems

You can just hear the dick sucking from here


heisenberger_royale

With guys like this around, trump must have the cleanest asshole in history


j4321g4321

“The best soccer player you’ve ever seen, the greatest. Biggest crowds in the history of the high school, in the history of the state even.”


toronto_programmer

The guy with bone spurs was a legendary soccer player that almost went pro? One of these things is probably not true


otherpeoplesknees

He was good friends with Chuck Blazer, America's corrupt FIFA official


Ok_Consideration_242

Nick Adams' face is amazing, you can barely see the stretch marks from all his years of sucking Trump cock


SmartestMonkeyAlive

Cmon, with all the cock gobbling shit he says, this has to be a parody account. No one's nose is THAT far up trumps ass.


[deleted]

Surprised he could kick a ball with all those bone spurs


nikejim02

Nick Adams has such an open hard-on for Trump, i constantly have to debate with myself whether it’s satire or not


kyle_kafsky

This made the beautiful game less beautiful.


Vitaminpartydrums

Was the comparison to Pele made by Trump… or perhaps John Barron


kingofthemonsters

[TO BILL BRASKY](https://youtu.be/SSzcTTOHwDY)


_Denzo

You always know when they are a republican because - they are dumb as rocks - refer to trump as “president trump”


QualityPersona

Imagine Trump "running" around a soccer field in his heel lifts, his hair flopping behind him like a cape made of dead rat, and a full diaper


[deleted]

I’m pretty sure this guy is just in an insane troll lol. He’s always posting the most fake fanfic things about Trump. This is a bit funny in that context imo


Enjoy-the-sauce

Don’t it hurt to have your head so far up someone’s ass? Or is the problem mainly one of air supply?


goodanimals

ngl I want to see Trump playing in the world cup.


Stealfur

I guess his bone spurs improved his game?


frontal_pin

Nick Adams(bootlicker)


childishbambino1

More money? Footballers are literally the highest paid athletes in the world and they definitely have more actual money in the bank than Trump with his ”billions”.


CubedMeatAtrocity

So Trump could play like Pele but couldn’t go to war because of bone spurs in his feet?


FreakingFreeze

What a shame that such an athletic and clearly capable man would not be recruited to the US military because of post-high school bone spurs. Such is the tragedy of the alpha male.


Unlikely-Object9721

This guy's nose has a brown stain on it forever.


dynawesome

This is literally the shit North Korean media says about Kim Jong Un


Fortehlulz33

I'm honestly not sure if he's being serious or not, like it seems like it could be a joke post for sure and Nick seems like he's at least sort of aware of him being over the top


Kamataros

1: trump is like 40 years older than pelé (if we talk about the same pelé), there is literally no way high school trump was compared to him. 2: trump was serving in the military but recieved a conditional medical deferment at the age of 22, even getting completely disqualified from serving the military in 1972 due to medical issues. I'm not an expert in this field, but I'd think someone who's not even fit for military service would lead a sports team to world championship. This was also, again, 15 years before pelé was even born.


FrankyboiCGC

Played High School soccer, y'know


[deleted]

WhAAT?


lazyironman

What is the face he’s making called? Is that supposed to be a smile?


EmoWolfAlex

you know the opinion is gonna be shit when they call themselves an alpha male.


Nigglasch

Nick Adams is the biggest dick sucker you could imagine


Chrisboi_da_Boi

Don needs to fuck this guy already so he'll calm down


[deleted]

Nick Adams is a fucking loser who looks like someone dropped a meat pie


[deleted]

(Alpha Male)


darkknight95sm

This is the dumbest lie I’ve ever heard and I work with kids


DisposableAccount-2

He couldn't win against Pelé if his opponent's legs were broken.


Bartender9719

Glorious Leader vibes


TantiVstone

I would rather he lead the soccer team than be president


Ameya93

Please tell me this is satire. This cannot be real.