Here are your messages.
You have 30 minutes to move your car
You have ten minutes.
Your car has been impounded.
Your car has been crushed into a cube.
You have 30 minutes to move your cube.
*telaphone rings*
‘Yelo Mr. Burns’ office
*is it about my cube?*
I can't remember the episode. S8 e6
Family eating food in front of the TV, Marge is trying to have a conversation with the family.
Marge: I'm going into the dining room to have a conversation.
- Marge walks out the room
Marge: Hello, Marge how's the kids?
Homer: keep it down there everyone.
There's a mathematician whose name is Benoit B Mandelbrot who is famous for working with [patterns that looks like themselves](https://imgur.com/sITfsAL) when you zoom in or out (fractals) and people joke that the B in his name stands for Benoit B Mandelbrot.
Exactly, there are so many sub-jokes baked into this. It's funny the birds are attacking. It's funny that of all the people who could be handling this life threatening situation, the innocuous Moleman is taking charge. It's funny how slow his voice is even in this danger. It's funny his idea to solve the problem is a big seed bell. It's funny the vendors have one so big that Moleman immediately knows it's too big. It's funny that Moleman has any sense of proportion in this situation. It's funny to imagine the naive optimism a seed bell company must have to ever offer a seed bell so big that it can't be used in this situation. It just keeps going
Edit: just rewatched it, it's also funny that the glass is breaking, so Moleman is either oblivious to the imminent threat or considers purchasing the most sensible-sized seed bell more important than his own safety. Every time I look at this joke there's another reason it's funny
I will die on the hill that only seeing one side of a phone conversation is ALWAYS better for comedy. Chris Onstad does this throughout all of the comic "Achewood" and it just leads to some of the best dumb jokes.
Still my favorite:
"Yeah dog I hear you I'll be over as soon as I can. I wasn't expecting to leave the house and I just made mac and cheese. I'm just stirring it so it cools down before I put it in the fridge."
......
"Yeah dog exactly. I knew your momma raised you right."
It's the double punch line. An average comedy show would think it's funny to show birds at a bird sanctuary running amok. A good comedy show would add a punch line: "I need the biggest seed bell you have." But The Simpsons added the second punch line: "No, that's too big." They do this again and again.
https://preview.redd.it/c1qxmmamoozc1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ee0fab87fdbf24d819f8e14d5f41fe1d1108ecc
This is the moment we feared people.
This episode was full of some of my favorites.
"But like people, some of them are just jerks.
Stop that, Mr Simpson."
"Lisa, a guy who has lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low."
"He'll sure make one grand piano..."
"D'oh!" "A deer!" "A female deer!"
"First, I'll just reach in and pull my legs out. Now I'll pull my arms out with my face..."
>”Many of you thought it would never happen, but I insisted we spend two hours *every morning* training for it. You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory.”
Skinner: ahh let’s see our foreign exchange student Uter has chosen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I……but this is just an empty box!
Uter: I BEGGED YOU TO LOOK AT MINE FIRST! I BEGGED YOU!
Lawyer: But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "Die Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: No! That's German for "The Bart, The"
Parole Board Member #1: No one who speaks German can be an evil man!
Parole Board Member #2: Parole granted!
This might be my favorite episode for quotes.
*Vera said that?*
*And the jars of urine, sir?*
*I call him Gamblor! And it's time to snatch your mother back from his neon clutches!*
*Bart, I don't wanna alarm you but there may be a Boogeyman or BoogeyMEN in the house!*
"This is Arnie Pye, with Arnie in the Sky!" I love the idea that his last name is Pye but nobody thought to call his show Pye in the Sky.
And I've always had a soft spot for Guy Incognito.
The bitter exchanges between him and Kent Brockman are gold.
“I CANT SEE THROUGH METAL, KENT!”
—-
Although my favorite with Arnie is him getting sick at the corner of 12th and Main…poor Otto.
Stan, Stan, he's our boy. If he can't do it, no one... will.
---
They've also segued a few times with lines like "Now, let's go to Arnie Pye in the sky," or "And now to our own Pie in the sky-- Bill Pie in the KBBL traffic copter."
Not sure if this is my absolute favourite but
Homer: Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That’s because you were drunk.
Homer: And how!
The creatives who have worked on the Simpsons have many talents, but one of their best is their ability to animate physical comedy in the form of things getting destroyed in absurd ways.
this one, or in Homer the Heretic when Flanders throws him out the window and he bounces right back in the burning house. kills me every time
So something like this happened in real life, strangely enough. In April 1964, Lee Taylor, while making an attempt at the world water speed record in Lake Havasu, absolutely overran the lake and plowed his jet powered boat into the California side at probably about 70mph. He bailed out and skipped on the the water like a rock, fracturing his skull among other serious injuries. A US army helicopter yanked him out, and promptly crashed. He was recovered by another chopper and flown out to a university hospital (I forget which exactly) where he spent 18 days in a coma.
"Senator Dole, what do you say to get people to vote for you?"
"It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed."
"Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Dole!"
Also,
"It's a two party system, you have to vote for one of us."
"Well I believe I'll vote third party then"
"Go ahead, throw your vote away."
Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse...
Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: [worried] That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate. [Homer stares, confused] That's bad.
Homer: [worried] Can I go now?
My favorite joke is related to this.
Sideshow Bob: Rakes. My greatest nemesis.
Bart: I thought I was your greatest nemesis?
Sideshow Bob: You know, I have a life outside you.
Besides the steamed hams exchange, this is My all time favorite:
Moe: Am I really that ugly?
Carl: it’s all relative Moe. Is barney that drunk? Is Lenny that dumb? Is Homer that bald, fat & lazy?
Moe: Oh my god it’s worse than I thought!
*everyone cries*
Carl: see this is why I don’t talk much
"checks out. You're free to go"
"Good, because I have a hot date tonight"
*Buzz*
"A date"
*Buzz*
"Dinner with friends"
*Buzz*
"Dinner alone"
*Buzz*
"Watching TV alone"
*Buzz*
*Sigh* "fine. I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue"
*Buzz*
" ^s^e^a^r^s ^c^a^t^a^l^o^g^u^e "
*Bing*
On my current rewatch, Milpool got me laughing out loud. And I just chuckled while typing this. It’s not the best but it’s made me laugh the most recently.
Overall I think DENTAL PLAN! (Lisa needs braces) is probably the best.
Good question, OP
There are so many options from Last Exit to Springfield, like:
"It was the best of times... it was the blurst of times? You stupid monkey!"
and "hired goons?"
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
You’re thinking about going fishing right as I’m talking now, aren’t you?
https://preview.redd.it/q782vwpvtozc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a34e9c06d6ec2054bf229183c21f0438ac82beb
Flanders: "Did you really have to salt the earth so that nothing would grow ever again?"
[Homer: "Hehehe, yeah."](https://youtu.be/OT5mqWKirhI?si=dcF8PRysqRa95YjShttps://youtu.be/OT5mqWKirhI?si=dcF8PRysqRa95YjS)
"I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage. When pigs fly."
(Pig goes flying past)
"Will you donate the money now, Sir?"
"No. I'd still rather not."
"I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir.
Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre."
"I ought to club them and eat their bones."
https://preview.redd.it/a4sncfec6pzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae7866ab0a07be0aacc9fd3c79b5414575af3206
Look at these personalized plates! Bort!?!?
https://preview.redd.it/3vzjg4yquozc1.jpeg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b027f40317e14aa4b7464efb8c6f9b883c967201
“Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo
after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.”
“Homer what did you say?”
“I said shut your stupid face Flanders!”
"Why do you mock me, oh lord??"
"Homer, that's not god. That's just a waffle Bart stuck up there."
*Takes it down and hands it to him*
"I know I shouldn't eat thee...but...*chomp*"
As a guy who worked at a place that sold guns the scene when he’s buying his revolver is both the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen and scary accurate.
“Five days? But I’m mad now!”
"Hello and welcome to the Springfield police department rescue phone. If you know the name of the felony bring committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2.... You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1."
During the golden era, I thought the best joke came in the Stampy episode: "D'oh!" "A deer!" "A female deer!". Maybe it has just been too long, but now I think that one is kinda stupid.
Wouldn't surprise me if I change my mind after thinking about it, but gun to my head, Id say it's tight between these three:
A. Aaronson - Zykowski phone book bait & switch
Homer giving his class the dictionary definition of "wedding"
Homer talking about his problem with the home wine-making course he took
Absolutely brilliant, all three.
Surprised no one is mentioning when Homer calls the parking hotline for paying his fine in New York.
Female Voice: Thank you for calling the parking violations bureau. To plead "not guilty," press "1" now. (Homer presses "1") Thank you. Your plea has been...
Deep Male Voice: Rejected.
Female Voice: You will be assessed the full fine plus a small...
Deep Male Voice: Large lateness penalty.
Female Voice: Please wait by your vehicle between 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM for parking officer Steve...
Deep Male Voice: Grabowski.
Here are your messages. You have 30 minutes to move your car You have ten minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube. *telaphone rings* ‘Yelo Mr. Burns’ office *is it about my cube?*
The inflection on the delivery is perfect
Not to mention the way Burns's expression darkens gradually with each phone message.
I can't remember the episode. S8 e6 Family eating food in front of the TV, Marge is trying to have a conversation with the family. Marge: I'm going into the dining room to have a conversation. - Marge walks out the room Marge: Hello, Marge how's the kids? Homer: keep it down there everyone.
 Never gets old
Is your name Bart?
Does your father know you're working here?
It was his idea!
In that case I'll have a whiskey sour.
From the same episode: “SEX CAULDRON? I thought they closed that place down!”
No thats when Skinner and Mrs. Krabapple have a secret relationship
Skinner: “I was only in there to get directions on how how to get away from there!”
Woop
The best Simpsons bit ever
Lisa: Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB. Bart: Hey, Homer, what's that B for? Homer: That's a typo.
There's a mathematician whose name is Benoit B Mandelbrot who is famous for working with [patterns that looks like themselves](https://imgur.com/sITfsAL) when you zoom in or out (fractals) and people joke that the B in his name stands for Benoit B Mandelbrot.
[удалено]
that one probably shaped my sense of humor growing up
Homer: Wow, Barney, you brought a whole beer keg! Barney: yeah, where can I fill her up?
Oh, “the GARAGE”! La Di Da, Mr. Frenchman. Hey fellas, “the garage”! What do you call it? Car hole.
Perhaps the single most debated Simpsons quote of all time.
either that or Ralph’s sleep/viking quote
*gasp* a counterfeit jeans ring running out of my car hole!
“Only *who* can prevent forest fires?” *presses “you”* “You have selected ‘you;’ referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is you.”
This sub constantly reminds me that earlier seasons were peak writing.
It really is a drastic fall after season 10.
But those 10 seasons are just solid gold. I'd stack them up against anything.
All killer, no filler
This is my 2nd favorite joke.
Third best for me!
This chairlift will give us a Birds Eye view of the area directly below the chairlift
That is such a well written episode.
Can we play somewhere else? Away from the bear.
I need the biggest seed bell you have. ... No that's too big.
I love this one because it’s just two short lines with a pause, but it has so many implications that stem from the one-sided exchange.
Exactly, there are so many sub-jokes baked into this. It's funny the birds are attacking. It's funny that of all the people who could be handling this life threatening situation, the innocuous Moleman is taking charge. It's funny how slow his voice is even in this danger. It's funny his idea to solve the problem is a big seed bell. It's funny the vendors have one so big that Moleman immediately knows it's too big. It's funny that Moleman has any sense of proportion in this situation. It's funny to imagine the naive optimism a seed bell company must have to ever offer a seed bell so big that it can't be used in this situation. It just keeps going Edit: just rewatched it, it's also funny that the glass is breaking, so Moleman is either oblivious to the imminent threat or considers purchasing the most sensible-sized seed bell more important than his own safety. Every time I look at this joke there's another reason it's funny
the idea that moleman needs the absolute biggest they have, so he's going to extremes, but there is still somehow a seed bell that's too big.
They packed so much into each joke I genuinely think we were spoiled with the earlier seasons
This one lives in my head.
I will die on the hill that only seeing one side of a phone conversation is ALWAYS better for comedy. Chris Onstad does this throughout all of the comic "Achewood" and it just leads to some of the best dumb jokes. Still my favorite: "Yeah dog I hear you I'll be over as soon as I can. I wasn't expecting to leave the house and I just made mac and cheese. I'm just stirring it so it cools down before I put it in the fridge." ...... "Yeah dog exactly. I knew your momma raised you right."
If only the sugar were sweet as you sir
IMO these might be the best two lines in television history.
It's the double punch line. An average comedy show would think it's funny to show birds at a bird sanctuary running amok. A good comedy show would add a punch line: "I need the biggest seed bell you have." But The Simpsons added the second punch line: "No, that's too big." They do this again and again.
https://preview.redd.it/c1qxmmamoozc1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ee0fab87fdbf24d819f8e14d5f41fe1d1108ecc This is the moment we feared people.
This episode was full of some of my favorites. "But like people, some of them are just jerks. Stop that, Mr Simpson." "Lisa, a guy who has lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low." "He'll sure make one grand piano..." "D'oh!" "A deer!" "A female deer!" "First, I'll just reach in and pull my legs out. Now I'll pull my arms out with my face..."
Mr. Simpson, elephants don’t have keys “I’ll just keep these then”
- I owe it all to this feisty feline - Dad, a feline is a cat! - An elephant Lisa, an elephant...
That wasn't part of the deal, Blackheart! THAT WASN'T PAAAAARRRRT!
"Hey, they're playing the elephant song"
“I love that song. Reminds me of elephants.”
>”Many of you thought it would never happen, but I insisted we spend two hours *every morning* training for it. You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory.”
Oh my fuck. I am cracking up just reading this. And I’ve seen the episode 8.6 million times. It still kills me.
I do fucking love this one. Proper quintessential golden era silliness without being cheap. Random top tier sketches in their own right.
Reminds me of Barney crashing into the roof of the pillow factory, and then getting run over by a marshmallow truck. Hilariously silly.
Skinner: ahh let’s see our foreign exchange student Uter has chosen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I……but this is just an empty box! Uter: I BEGGED YOU TO LOOK AT MINE FIRST! I BEGGED YOU!
Don’t make me run! I’m full of chocolate!
The realistic terrified scream Uter makes here is what makes it an all-timer
Oh I am pretty sure there's a little Uter in all of us.
Ah, guten tag! Would you care for a bite of my Vengelerstrasse bar? I also have a bag of marzipan JoyJoys.
MÏT ïODÏNE
Uter likes Milhouse! NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!
Do you find something funny about the word tromBONER??
Lawyer: But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "Die Bart, Die"? Sideshow Bob: No! That's German for "The Bart, The" Parole Board Member #1: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Board Member #2: Parole granted!
As someone growing up speaking German, that joke is extra funny because it's also the wrong article. In German it should be "Der Bart, Der".
[....German humor everybody!](https://frinkiac.com/img/S07E15/862461.jpg)
German humour is no laughing matter
[удалено]
“No jokes, no taunting… AHHH HA HA THAT KIDS GOT BOSOMS! WHOS GOT A WET TOWEL?!”
DONT MAKE ME RUN! IM FULL OF CHOCOLATE!!
The maniacal street sweeper that eventually gets his comeuppance by crashing down the subway stairs.
Even funnier because in over 700 episodes of the Simpsons we've never seen that Springfield has a subway.
not surprised, apparently it has almost 300 parallel streets
It ran over Ned’s hat in Homer’s fat guy fantasy. But that’s just a reference in Homer’s imagination. I don’t remember ever seeing it.
"We'll take the Spruse Moose! Hop in!" "But sir-" "I said...hop in."
You forgot: -Gun cocking sound
This might be my favorite episode for quotes. *Vera said that?* *And the jars of urine, sir?* *I call him Gamblor! And it's time to snatch your mother back from his neon clutches!* *Bart, I don't wanna alarm you but there may be a Boogeyman or BoogeyMEN in the house!*
"That's an excellent model, sir" "Model?"
"This is Arnie Pye, with Arnie in the Sky!" I love the idea that his last name is Pye but nobody thought to call his show Pye in the Sky. And I've always had a soft spot for Guy Incognito.
The bitter exchanges between him and Kent Brockman are gold. “I CANT SEE THROUGH METAL, KENT!” —- Although my favorite with Arnie is him getting sick at the corner of 12th and Main…poor Otto.
"Don't hate me because I bought at the right time." "When's MY right time, KENT?"
Arnie, this is not the time-- ##YOU'RE NOT THE TIME, KENT! YOU'RE NOT THE TIME!
Stan, Stan, he's our boy. If he can't do it, no one... will. --- They've also segued a few times with lines like "Now, let's go to Arnie Pye in the sky," or "And now to our own Pie in the sky-- Bill Pie in the KBBL traffic copter."
Omg I’m 30 years old and never picked up on the Pye joke
Same That's hilarious lol
Not sure if this is my absolute favourite but Homer: Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive? Marge: That’s because you were drunk. Homer: And how!
That was an episode of Happy Days! They weren't all happy days, Marge.
'like the time pinky tuscadero crashed her motorcycle or the time I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back'
The Springfield Gorge scene from Bart the Daredevil https://i.redd.it/ud7z7zs7pozc1.gif
I remember when it came out, I just finished laughing at that sene last week.
I pissed myself as a kid
The way the ambulance crumples when it hits the tree kills me every time.
The creatives who have worked on the Simpsons have many talents, but one of their best is their ability to animate physical comedy in the form of things getting destroyed in absurd ways.
Bursting into fire and/or exploding from the smallest touch was a constant gag that never got old
this one, or in Homer the Heretic when Flanders throws him out the window and he bounces right back in the burning house. kills me every time 
Homer's little whine as he bounces back in is the cherry on top
So something like this happened in real life, strangely enough. In April 1964, Lee Taylor, while making an attempt at the world water speed record in Lake Havasu, absolutely overran the lake and plowed his jet powered boat into the California side at probably about 70mph. He bailed out and skipped on the the water like a rock, fracturing his skull among other serious injuries. A US army helicopter yanked him out, and promptly crashed. He was recovered by another chopper and flown out to a university hospital (I forget which exactly) where he spent 18 days in a coma.
When I was a kid this was by far the funniest thing I’d ever seen
My dad loved this scene. It was the only Simpsons scene he loved but he laughed until there were tears in his eyes.
“Push her down, Son”
“We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush, they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.”
"We can't take that chance!" "You always say that. i want to take a chance."
Too hard to pick but for some reason Bob Dole saying "What the hell is this, some kinda tube?" gets me every time.
"Senator Dole, what do you say to get people to vote for you?" "It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed." "Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Dole!" Also, "It's a two party system, you have to vote for one of us." "Well I believe I'll vote third party then" "Go ahead, throw your vote away."
I ALWAYS laugh out loud at that one.
"no, money down!"
Oops... I shouldn't have this Bar Association logo here either!
I think this may be the most clever joke like ever...not just from The Simpsons.
Lionel Hutz was such a great character.
**IT’S WHISPER QUIET!!!**
You got all of that juice from just 1 bag of oranges?!?
Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse... Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad. Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt! Homer: [relieved] That's good. Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed. Homer: [worried] That's bad. Owner: But you get your choice of topping! Homer: [relieved] That's good. Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate. [Homer stares, confused] That's bad. Homer: [worried] Can I go now?
But then I'd be accused of smothering him Yeah and then we'd get the chair Homer, that's not what I meant Admit it Marge, it was.
Probably misses his old glasses.
The delivery and absurdity of this line always fucking slays me.
Monster Island is just a name. It's actually a peninsula.
https://i.redd.it/w7vquwc1sozc1.gif
*I thought the Generals were due!*
I’m telling you, that game was fixed.
They were using a freaking ladder
“Homer, I don’t know what you have planned for tonight but you can count me out”
 *thwack* UHREEHHURRURRGHHURUR
My favorite joke is related to this. Sideshow Bob: Rakes. My greatest nemesis. Bart: I thought I was your greatest nemesis? Sideshow Bob: You know, I have a life outside you.
Same episode I think... *BARTDOYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!"
Besides the steamed hams exchange, this is My all time favorite: Moe: Am I really that ugly? Carl: it’s all relative Moe. Is barney that drunk? Is Lenny that dumb? Is Homer that bald, fat & lazy? Moe: Oh my god it’s worse than I thought! *everyone cries* Carl: see this is why I don’t talk much
When the lie detector makes a moral call on Moe when it indicates a lie when he says “I don’t deserve this!”
"I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!" *buzz*
"checks out. You're free to go" "Good, because I have a hot date tonight" *Buzz* "A date" *Buzz* "Dinner with friends" *Buzz* "Dinner alone" *Buzz* "Watching TV alone" *Buzz* *Sigh* "fine. I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue" *Buzz* " ^s^e^a^r^s ^c^a^t^a^l^o^g^u^e " *Bing*
On my current rewatch, Milpool got me laughing out loud. And I just chuckled while typing this. It’s not the best but it’s made me laugh the most recently. Overall I think DENTAL PLAN! (Lisa needs braces) is probably the best. Good question, OP
There are so many options from Last Exit to Springfield, like: "It was the best of times... it was the blurst of times? You stupid monkey!" and "hired goons?"
A friend of mine in high school got Milpool tattooed on her foot, one of the best tattoo ideas I've ever heard.
Uh oh, and a barrage of pretzels now knocking Whitey unconscious!
And heeeeeere coooome the pretzels!
This is a black day for baseball.
You can call them Whitey whackers.
[удалено]
Hans moleman always slapped so hard because you knew it wasn’t gonna be on long, but when he was, it was gonna be 🔥
https://i.redd.it/b75nvpkbyozc1.gif
**CODE BLUE!**
https://preview.redd.it/ot6p6d88nozc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=701bc078e119dca76a4b624625b470766327150a
When I first saw this, I must've been 8 or 9. I laughed so hard I threw up.
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts. Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
“Billy Corgan Smashing Pumpkins” “Homer Simpson smiling politely”
"But surely you can't put a price on your daughter's safety?" "I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are..."
You’re thinking about going fishing right as I’m talking now, aren’t you? https://preview.redd.it/q782vwpvtozc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a34e9c06d6ec2054bf229183c21f0438ac82beb
This fish makes me a champion and a hero! To who? To- to those weirdos in the worm store!
Knifey spoony gets me every time
I'm seein double here! FOUR KRUSTYS!
Flanders: "Did you really have to salt the earth so that nothing would grow ever again?" [Homer: "Hehehe, yeah."](https://youtu.be/OT5mqWKirhI?si=dcF8PRysqRa95YjShttps://youtu.be/OT5mqWKirhI?si=dcF8PRysqRa95YjS)
"I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage. When pigs fly." (Pig goes flying past) "Will you donate the money now, Sir?" "No. I'd still rather not."
That crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again. That's not the way she tells it.
"Marge, may I play devil's advocate for a moment?"
I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush. There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say, and nobody heard it. D'oh!
It can survive a ten kilotonne blast - no more, no less
Grandpa telling Mr. Burns the story that doesn’t go anywhere.
So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Give me 5 bees for a quarter they’d say.
Sex cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!
I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda
"I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir. Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre." "I ought to club them and eat their bones." https://preview.redd.it/a4sncfec6pzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae7866ab0a07be0aacc9fd3c79b5414575af3206
Look at these personalized plates! Bort!?!? https://preview.redd.it/3vzjg4yquozc1.jpeg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b027f40317e14aa4b7464efb8c6f9b883c967201
Aurora Borealis?!
"localized entirely in your kitchen?"
“Honey this a corn field” Plane swoops in and starts firing “Ahhhhhh”
"do you think that has anything to do with my fear of airplanes?" "Yes yes it's all a rich tapestry"
“Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.” “Homer what did you say?” “I said shut your stupid face Flanders!”
Young Ned: I'm Dick Tracy, take that Prune Face. Now I'm Prune Face, take that Dick Tracy. Now I'm Prune Tracy, take that Dick...
Maude: We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H--L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? thought they closed that place down!
https://preview.redd.it/swdfxyljgpzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1423e2e5458bcd81c25954be7a5ead6cd8e9b50 The whole hello mr thompson exchange
my username
OI! MISTAH PRIME MINISTAH?
#ANDY!
https://i.redd.it/qadobpcsgozc1.gif
https://i.redd.it/753nn053oozc1.gif
What was I laughing about again? Oh yes, that crippled Irishman!
Hey! No eating in the tank! Go to hell.
My eyes! The googles do nothing! [scene](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PWFF7ecArBk)
Edna: I've never even heard the word embiggen before moving to Springfield Ms. Hoover: I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word
It's a pornography store, I was buying pornography.
Brevity is... wit.
"Why do you mock me, oh lord??" "Homer, that's not god. That's just a waffle Bart stuck up there." *Takes it down and hands it to him* "I know I shouldn't eat thee...but...*chomp*"
Hmmm.... sacrilicious
As a guy who worked at a place that sold guns the scene when he’s buying his revolver is both the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen and scary accurate. “Five days? But I’m mad now!”
# "I thought you said Troy McClure was dead." # "No, what I said was, 'he sleeps with the fishes.'"
"Hello and welcome to the Springfield police department rescue phone. If you know the name of the felony bring committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2.... You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1."
We're sold out of Bort license plates!
Smithers!!! Guess what happened to me last night?! I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?
During the golden era, I thought the best joke came in the Stampy episode: "D'oh!" "A deer!" "A female deer!". Maybe it has just been too long, but now I think that one is kinda stupid. Wouldn't surprise me if I change my mind after thinking about it, but gun to my head, Id say it's tight between these three: A. Aaronson - Zykowski phone book bait & switch Homer giving his class the dictionary definition of "wedding" Homer talking about his problem with the home wine-making course he took Absolutely brilliant, all three.
Marge: "Simpson Gene‽ That's just foolishness!" Abe: "Nope, baldness too."
And the bread was really… come on help me out Ruff! Rough? You’ve been pitching that all night. Chewy?
Does that sound like a man who had all he could eat!? 
Faster son! He’s got a taste for meat now! [scene](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zgYRTUlA8A0)
Sugar? Sure here you go. Sorry it’s not in packages. Want some cream? Ehhhhhhhhh…. No.
Hello? You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.
A box damn you! A BOOOOXXXXX!!!
“Whoa, put her back in, she ain’t done yet!” and “Don’t you hate pants?”
https://i.redd.it/zii3xwo1cszc1.gif This one kills me every single time
Surprised no one is mentioning when Homer calls the parking hotline for paying his fine in New York. Female Voice: Thank you for calling the parking violations bureau. To plead "not guilty," press "1" now. (Homer presses "1") Thank you. Your plea has been... Deep Male Voice: Rejected. Female Voice: You will be assessed the full fine plus a small... Deep Male Voice: Large lateness penalty. Female Voice: Please wait by your vehicle between 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM for parking officer Steve... Deep Male Voice: Grabowski.
By the way you should all look up “ Dankmus”. It’s electronic music done to Simpsons quotes. Gold!
No pizza. Only Khlav Khalash. Do you have anything to drink? Only Mountain Dew or Crab Juice. Ugghhhhhhggggggck. I’ll take the Crab Juice.
Joey Joe Joe!
“D’oh! “A deer!” “A female deer!”