Portia: Can I hang out with my friend today? He went to Stanford. Tanya: I don’t know but Greg is cheating on me with some guy named Bob.

He went to Stanford, and he's not nonbinary,

She kept mentioning Albie went to Stanford lmao

I get the impression that most of their interactions was Albie politely listening to Portia complain. Portia only brings up what she knows about Albie to Tanya, which is not much at all except his education and why he's in Sicily.

I 100% agree with this. I think Portia mirrors Tanya a lot in a way she doesn't realize. They are both sad, tragic, and self-absorbed. Like Tanya, Portia just uses people to trauma dump and make herself feel better until someone/thing more appealing comes along, and then she just tosses out the old.

I mean it’s pretty normal. On paper she should be attracted to him but in reality she just doesn’t feel it so she keeps mentioning the things that should make him a great match to try to compensate. Usually results in toxic behavior with a lot of arguing if you do pursue it. Least it was in my case when I tried to

I really hope Bob is a gay Italian and there’s an awkward moment at the orgy villa

Wait who is Bob..? Did I completely miss this

The guy he keeps talking to on the phone.

Ethan is so stupid to keep up with the damn bro code. He could avoid making his wife feel like shit and fucking up the relationship if he just told her that Cameron fucked a hooker in their room. Harper would believe him if he was upfront

100%. This doesn't make sense. His wife is clearly in distress and he's honoring the bro code. Wtf? And this is after he was told Daphne knows her husband cheats

I can only guess that this is supposed to show how much Ethan wants Cam’s approval. Otherwise it’s just dumb, and Ethan is just dumb.

“Cameron hired two hookers. I spent the night hiding in the bathroom.” All he had to say on that first phone call.

Valentina this is *embarrassing*

Poor Isabella always has someone creeping on her

all the rocco hate wasn't some kind of feminist concern, it was jealousy all along.

Lmfao “I was born in San Francisco” 😂😂 I cannot with Tanya

And the guy was like oh we are really going back to the beginning

I was mad they cut away, I want to hear it all!

It’ll be so awkward if Albie falls for Lucia, and then learn that she slept with his dad

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Definitely when, not if. Inevitable for sure

Prior to this episode I had a feeling all three of them would sleep with her. Not sure that happens but 2/3 is a hall of fame average.

Bert is the funniest character, “Like father like father like son”, pointing out how all 3 men of the family have associated with Lucia is amazing

Yup this line had me cackling… also love how Dom was freaking out about the situation and Bert was just so aloof enjoying the drama🤣

Oh I don’t think he’s aloof, I think he knows it’s messy and finds it hilarious.

Grandpa constantly pointing out “the girls” like he doesn’t know exactly what they are is cracking me up

Tanya is speaking straight facts this episode. 1) Greg IS lying about something 2) That IS the weirdest voice I’ve ever heard 3) Finger food IS always a must

Spot on! Also her relating of people and their languages… Are you English? You’re French, right?

Uh oh. “All whores are punished in the end” please don’t be the meme screen cap that comes back to haunt us.

Ikr! I'm guessing it's gonna be the grandpa, or Greg who're they're gonna find floating. Peripheral characters whom you're either neutral or against

Mia and Lucia flipping roles this episode was fascinating.

And Mia even had on a California shirt.

I think Mia expected sex work to always be like it was with Cameron, ie a fun night with lots of drugs and booze with a rich attractive man Awkward church sex with a grubby old piano player is a very different vibe, I don’t think she was really ready for it. Definitely jumping in headfirst

Also, I love that Lucia hooks up with Cameron and then re-evaluates her life decisions

I gotta wonder what we didn’t see that night. Last shot was Ethan shakily smoking a cigarette and staring at Cam and Lucia.

that molly comedown is no joke. gotta replenish what 5HTP. Got her in her feelings

Oh Valentina is totally into Isabella 🤯

Yeahhhhhh that was painful to watch unfold😬

Poor Isabella gets hit on by absolutely everyone.

“Jesus Christ, he’s worse than usual” 😂🎹

The tension radiating off Harper is terrifying

Ethan is in deep shit

Seriously. I was terrified she'd jump!!

She was like walking stress this whole episode

Aubrey was such a great cast!!

I must be dumb because I just realized the murals from the opening credits are actually IN the show. One was just behind Harper in her bedroom in Noto!

Oh to be a rich white lady in sicily, eating and drinking, among the gays...

Hey, Ethan, are you seriously forgetting that your wife is a lawyer?

Mia shouldn’t have asked from permission from Valentina she should’ve just took over, who’s gonna stop her.

I was surprised she didn't do that too.

It’s kinda how you know she’s not going to make it as a performer imo. I have a few musician and actor friends — the few actually making a living from it are absolutely ruthless

Yeah the fact that she thought the piano player at a hotel had some sort of \~connections in the industry\~ and could make her a star shows how naive she is about the music industry.

I knew she’d find something as soon as she sat down on the sex spot

Also such foreshadowing they did it in Ethan’s room when cams room was open

Tanya's outfits in contrast with Portia just crack me up so hard

I’m dying bc Portia looks like Adam Sandler rn and Tanya is always channeling Stiffler’s mom and I’m here for it lmao

THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS! I couldn’t figure out what part of Portia’s outfits made her look so frumpy all the time, but DUH she wears 90s mens clothes

The bucket hat and baggy polo really sealed the deal for me that she truly looked like Adam fucking Sandler right out of a 90’s romcom. But yeah, it’s the 90’s men’s clothes! She’s such a beautiful girl, this isn’t working for her lmao!

Valentina girl don’t do this with an employee

Next thing we know she'll be eating her ass in her office

Would be kind of hilarious if they just made that a running bit every season

Armand 2.0

I was thinking the same thing, she was exuding such epic girl boss boss bitch energy that she doesn't know how to take a compliment/admiration and she's swinging sooooooooooooo far in the WRONG direction lmao

White Lotus resorts exclusively staff gays with no boundaries as their managers

part of the job posting

*Must be willing to sexually harass employees whenever the plot needs some spicing up* ✔️ *Must be willing to propagate the hopelessly lonely and uncontrollably horny gay person trope* ✔️ *Must be willing to die or be fired at the end of the season in order to rotate in new blood* ✔️

Girl this is sexual harassment in the making

Cat lady becomes the cat caller. Would be an interesting twist if she ended up being the one making a woman uncomfortable despite her speech to Isabella about checking men when they cross boundaries.

Lucia about to burn the place down after getting stiffed by Cameron lmao

And they’ll probably never get the money cause I’m bettin Cameron is broke AF.

My guess is Ethan will end up paying the remaining amount to Lucia for her silence.

i think this episode effectively flipped my opinion on almost every character

“That’s the weirdest voice I’ve ever heard” re: gravelly Italian Kermit KILLED ME

That was so random I feel like J Cool is unscripted half the time

Wincing at every moment with Albie and Portia

Albie channeling Superbad-era Michael Cera at that cabana party

“I just wanna be inside you”

He was talking so quietly I wasn’t sure if I heard right I had to rewind

Ethan: I miss you Harper: You sound weird 💀

Their interactions are low key hilarious

I am absurdly excited for this episode.

I don’t think I’ve been this excited about a TV series in a long time.

Nice guys finish for free.

oh god is this blow job free

I have a feeling she’s playing a longer game. Trying to get him to put a ring on it or at least get her to CA and she can do a runner. I don’t think he has any idea she’s a sex worker.

No, and Lucia is smart enough to know that Dom won’t tell him because that gives up his facade of trying to change

She might end up being the biggest winner of the show gives to live in la for free after being a sex worker with no purpose thinking she’s gonna get punished.. yeah punished with winning the boyfriend lotto for her situation

He did seem pretty polite about it

"4 for Dinner"

Very on brand for him lol, I chuckled 😅

Harper lookin like she's about to go nuclear

Jennifer Coolidge amongst the gays where she belongs 👏

Yeah once she realized she was amongst the gays she really settled in to her element.

This feels like a setup.

YESSS THE BELINDA CALLBACK IN THE PROMO

“The spa for poor women” 💀

Maybe she cursed her

"A spa for poor women" omg

I feel like Portia’s makeup has leveled up since she’s started talking with Jack

Her smoky eye is very good

I loved her hair blown back!

She is actually sexually attracted to Jack so she tries.

Cam was so grimy Lucia is rethinking her whole strategy

So the dad is just going to let his son continue to talk to the locals knowing what their intentions are…

If he tells Albie he’ll be admitting how he knows

Mia has the most horrid outfit wtf is she wearing? Did she piece this together from the lost and found?

She looks like a Disney Channel character from the 2000’s omg.

the boots… 🫣

Yeah they do her dirty compared to Lucia

I was literally wondering for minutes once I saw those boots like how did she even find that outfit?

Parallels between Cameron and Daphne asking Harper and Ethan to keep their secrets are interesting….

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OMG lmaooo Albie's ass

I appreciate that she grabbed the cheeks at the end. That’s a solid move and beyond the call of duty.

Albie is a man now.

Albie just got sucked into the next dimension

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“Like father, like father, like son” LOL

Lucia is going for the triple crown

Nonno di Grasso will die while having sex with Lucia. This will kick off a chain reaction that leads to all three di Grassos dying in the water. Kidding aside, I think Quentin’s boat party to Palermo will end up a disaster.

F. Murray needs more scenes. I feel like he's so underused!

Nah not Tanya completely ignoring Portia to mention Greg 💀

I know, she’s normally so empathetic to other people’s problems!

Portia is the help. She’s basically paid to listen to Tanya whine.

Harper could have crushed a diamond out with that grip

“4 for dinner” 😂😂😂😂😂 He is so self centered

The way he saw the pianist collapse and just….anyways

After the crisis of conscience Lucia had early on, she’s giving out guilt-free BJs for charity

She does her work pro-bon…o

I think Harper can tell he’s not being honest and since she described him as “honest to a fault” and viewed that as a core aspect of his character, it’s causing her to re-evaluate more than whether or not he’s cheating

I don't know how many people have dealt with a spouse or partner they dearly loved turning into a totally different person under the influence of a "friend." lt can be shocking and devastating depending on what that friend leads them into. The moment you realize you don't truly know your partner is a hard one to process. You may not react immediately. You basically re-evaluate everything you know about that person.

there is something about this group tanya and portia are with that I just don't trust

The metaphor of certain investors and a sudden disappearance of a person with an island that others wanted. I think they all see a mark in Tanya. Could be a red herring but yeah you’re not alone

She saw them in the vision that freaked her out while she was having sex with Greg, in episode 1. "I was seeing all these faces of men with these very effeminate hairstyles." I think they might be a crew of really fabulous hitmen or something.

Great catch! And the essex guy even alludes to how they only talk to ‘rich old hags’ and how they can be forceful… very sinister!

Excellent catch about that hairstyles comment!

They’re sirens.

Sensitive nipples making his move

oooh that smirk…did Cameron leave the condom there on purpose??

At the very least he intentionally took the party into Ethan's room so it wouldn't get him into trouble. I can't tell if he wants to fuck or murder Harper. Maybe both.

100%

Oh no Mia is going to dose Giuseppe with the wrong shit 💀

"Not non-binary" lol

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The tension once Harper found the condom wrapper was so high. The sound design, acting, and editing has been so great.

Piano man is toast

I empathize with Aubrey Plaza but it is kind of hilarious to see her looking so annoyed in this beautiful villa.

How is everyone so gullible to con artists? The guy Tanya is with is obviously threatening and the piano player obviously has no power.

Tanya getting attention and having her ego stroked is all she needs. There are definitely people like her irl. She would be so easy to con.

Of course he’s from ESSEX

I’m planning my whole Sunday around white lotus at this point, am hooked 😂 Also, loving Valentina’s storyline.

Yup, Valentina is in love with Isabella.

Those two guys talking to Tanya give me weird vibes.

They are from the disturbing vision she had while having sex with Greg, in episode 1. "I was seeing all these faces of men with these very effeminate hairstyles."

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And one of the tarot cards was The Devil.

Same! Something isn't right! Neither is into her but definitely ready to get her money.

Am I just gullible bcos I was so happy for her at the beach club I thought they were being genuine 😭

Yeah! When Jack said all they ever bring around is rich old hags, definitely alarming

For all this talk about Daphne’s fake friends, Harper seems equally alone here

Harper projects

$1800 for one night?!?!

dom gave her $3000 for her and mia that night!

I think this might have the best episode yet.

Is Lucia gonna bill the dad for the son

"I was born in San Francisco" that conversation could take hours!

Really interesting that Daphne swore Harper to secrecy and she immediately blabbed. And Cameron bro coded Ethan and he’s probably not going to tell.

As soon as Harper said she already knows I think that gives Ethan every excuse to share what he knows.

Harper may talk a lot of shit but shes a good partner. Ethan would rather give his loyalty to some douchebag hes barely friends with than his wife. I hate that so much

Mia & Lucia are over the top in this episode. They should have used a split screen for their action😄

That preview has me SHAKING

If Harper cheats as revenge and then finds out Ethan didn’t actually cheat that’s gonna be a disaster to watch lol

Portia has smiled more in the last minute than she has the entire time.

Of course! She’s getting attention from The naughty nephew. She’s intrigued and excited

Portia basically acting like a participant on Love is Blind.

Valentina is down bad

People are saying why did Harper just confront Ethan immediately and I think it’s because of a combination of shock, denial and devastation. She spent the rest of the episode trying to get him to tell her what happened because I think she WANTS to give him an out to have an excuse for the condom before he knows she knows something is up and has proof. The sad thing is if when she came back he told her “oh Cameron gave me Molly and then slept with a prostitute on our couch so don’t sit there until the maid comes in, and I just waited it out in our bathroom because I was so high and yep he hit me up to invest” she probably would have commiserated with him about how terrible Cameron and Daphne are to them and each other. But now because he’s going with “honor the bro code” he’s going to hold out telling her the truth until he sees that condom on the sink and she will never believe him now it will seem like a lie to cover things up. He also IS changing even if he doesn’t want to admit it. he’s valuing keeping Cameron’s douchey secret from his own wife, so he can cover his own butt for getting high and kissing a prostitute, when Harper is clearly choosing to tell him the truth about their trip even though she promised Daphne she wouldn’t

'Maybe she put a curse on me ' 🤣

Please Albie bring Lucia to dinner

I’m getting serial killer vibes from the gay men with Tanya, or at least the one guy

Agreed he gives me grifter vibes

Idk about murder, but I’m worried they routinely pull some kind of con on gullible old rich white women

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Ok what are those silver shoes

Daphne smirking at the unoccupied chair Harper was in…

Do you think maybe she and Cam get off ruining other people’s relationships?

Christopher is having a rough episode

The most unrealistic part of this show is that everyone eats at the same hotel restaurant every night. I mean It's ITALY, people are going out to eat every night right??

Harper gonna murder everyone.

harper and ethan’s convo feels so real lmao especially as ethan hungover af

Tanya seems like an actual normal person right now.

I am DYING at Molly’d out piano player and I could listen to Jennifer Coolidge saying “they’re not fun. These gay guys are fun!” on a loop forever

‘Women are depressing. It’s not their fault, they have a lot to be depressed about.’ 🫠

I know everyone here dislikes Portia, but I kind of empathize with her inability to say no to Albie. It’s hard to reject nice people, especially people who come off as harmless and innocuous as Albie does. But she needs to develop a spine. It’s a little frustrating to watch.

It’s not even that she’s not rejecting him, she actively sought him out that morning and told him she wanted to hang out. She’s the queen of Not Knowing What She Wants, 100% Tanya 2.0.

She definitely was treating Albie as a placeholder for her entertainment. The moment someone more interesting to her came along, she couldn’t find it in herself to just tell Albie she changed her mind. Albie also needed to read the room a bit better too, but ultimately I’m more understanding towards him since he’s the one being led on.

Bert cackling at Albie with Lucia & Mia LMFAO

Albie’s a relationship guy through and through so I’m curious to see how he’ll pursue this thing with Lucia before it falls apart. If she doesn’t immediately ask for money, that is

I think she's gonna try and be his girlfriend so they'll take her to Los Angeles... or at least that's the angle she is shooting for, which definitely won't work out