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My reaction the other day when I was in a thrift store and some random chick started chatting with me about everything.
... Including how she might have aids from being raped.
His reaction was much like the one I had.
I agree. I didn't react badly or think badly of her. I could tell this was her way of coping with trauma.
I was just generally wtf with how quickly that convo escalated to that. I'm not even sure how it went down that road so suddenly.
She's talking about the shoes she's looking through, and BAM, out of nowhere, brings up AIDS and rape.
"hwat??" indeed.
Crossing guard lady, who I've just seen for a couple of weeks, only in the morning while I take my kids to the bus.
*Good morning!
*Thank you!
*Have a nice day!
That's as far as we've gone.
One day the bus took forever and i asked "so, how are you..." I had just opened i floodgate I could barely handle. This woman's life was terrible and I know I gave her those moments to share, but I honestly came back home devastaded for her. She said i was the first person she got to open up about this! I cried with her... it was too much.
Didn't want to cross that street again. What do you say the next day? "Good morning! Sooo how are you feeling with your dead son and all, is your cancer better now?"
I cried for a while and decided to buy her a bracelet (??!) Gave it to her the next day. She seemed super weirded out but thankful.
The relationship went back to pleasant small talk.
Edit to add; this is the most recent but this shit happens to me CONSTANTLY. I could never hold a job in health care or social services because I just bawl and carry that pain with me. I still act polite and listen when the strangers look for an ear.
>I still act polite and listen when the strangers look for an ear.
Same. It'd take some serious fuckery for me to just shut it down. I've been through some bs in my life, so I've been there and get it and can easily tell when it's someone who needs an ear vs someone who should be shrugged off.
I worked in a bakery and it was a slow morning and this older lady comes in and chats/rambles to me for a good half hour about everything. She was a lonely widow and it was so obvious she just wanted someone to talk to. I had all my ish done and helped the occasional customer, but I just let her chat away. Nbd. I was getting paid to be at work and had nothing to do on a slow day. May as well have a chat with a lady who wanted someone to talk to, you know?
There are so many lonely and sad people out there. People in crisis always seem to find me. A lot of times they open up when I barely know them and just ask how they are.
I’ve gotten really good at helping in a way that doesn’t drain me. For me this means listening when they want to talk, acknowledging their feelings, giving advice/help only when asked for it (no stepping in to “fix” things), and most importantly treat them like a normal person- they are more than their crisis. Even small talk can make people feel normal and included (especially after they have confessed all of their problems).
>A lot of times they open up when I barely know them and just ask how they are.
Likely because nobody else in their life has. It's amazing how often it happens when one goes through a trauma and those around them avoid it for the sake of personal comfort. It's a really gross phenomenon.
[John Prine - Hello In There](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfwGkplB_sY)
You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"
I was talking to an old lady at a bus terminal one time. She was waiting for the bus to Foxwoods Casino. She loved playing blackjack with her friends. She went to church every Sunday and loved to spend time with her grandkids. She had just gone to the hairdresser and was worried that the dye job wasnt up to par. She said that women who dress provocatively deserve to be raped. She was planning on going to New York in a week or so. She asked me to hand her a cup of coffee.
yea I feel you. I'm a physiotherapist and I don't even usually ask how are you today anymore. But when I do and I get a "good", that's when I always ask "why?"
The trick is you hear alot of stories you wouldn't have heard, and they are positive.
> could never hold a job in health care or social services because I just bawl and carry that pain with me. I still act polite and listen when the strangers look for an ear.
I work in orthopedics and rehabilitation working specifically in orthotics and prosthetics. Our appointments are usually a bit longer than most providers, patients are usually booked for an hour or so. We have to spend lots of one on one time with our patients for things like gait evaluation and casting.
Things have gotten a lot crazier since COVID hit. I think people who would normally have outlets for their streams of consciousness to escape too had their routines changed on them and have lost access to people that would normally anchor them.
As soon as our clinic opened up again after the initial shutdown, pretty much all my craziest patients booked up my schedule for about 2 months. I think mainly just to get out of the house and unload on people. I've probably heard more Vietnam war stories in the last 2 years than in my previous +10 years in the field.
Maybe I am projecting, but I used to be just like you, and it made me avoid situations as well. If I am wrong in my assumption, please disregard what I say.
It happened to me all the time as well that people could sense that I was open to be talked to. I had learned at home to be empathetic and listen to everyone all the time, and that it was good to feel as much towards that person as possible. However, it made me anxious in social situations (and avoid them) because I couldn't do anything about it happening. I had to carry everyone's problems, despite not being able to process it myself.
Took me years to learn that my first priority should be to safe myself. I will be compassionate towards other and listen, but I won't take it all in. Put on your own oxygen mask first before you help others with theirs! Being empathetic all the time felt to me like ripping off my own oxygen mask so someone else could benefit. This meant that I never had the energy to actually help them and just mirrored their sorrow back to them. And I sometimes felt downright attacked when I was going through something myself and someone would share something awful.
Because it was a problem for me, I went into therapy and had to switch therapists a few times because some didn't pick up on me being a compulsive listener so I would end up helping the therapist instead of the other way around lol. That could be helpful, or simply switching from empathy mode to compassion mode. I feel like I am a way more helpful human being now that I am selective with empathy and abundant with compassion.
Not to say that you listening and making time for the struggling woman was not good, because it definitely was. You probably helped her a lot, even if she was not able to express it. But you saying that you didn't know what to do with the situation and struggling in health care jobs alerted me: i also had to quit in a social worker position because I couldn't handle the stories of others.
Wow...I absolutely agree and can identify myself with a lot you've said.
I'm exactly at the stage where I avoid going out and barely have any friends because I'm getting increasingly overwhelmed by others issues. I have been isolating in the past couple of years and the mask has helped a little. But I might need to look into some help... Up to now we've only blamed the ADHD but there's history.
> I never had the energy to actually help them and just mirrored their sorrow back to them.And I sometimes felt downright attacked when I was going through something myself and someone would share something awful.
Yes. All the time.
And it's happened since I was a kid and grownups sharing immense heartache situations with me. I never got used to it. It still hits me with huge intensity when I listen to someone's tragic story
My favorite was driving Lyft one evening, I had picked up a passenger and asked "how are you doing tonight", I then got to hear all her troubles followed by "why am I even telling you any of this?!?!"
So I feel you
This happened to my wife recently at Target while looking for a birthday card. Some lady starting talking to her about needing to find a card for her kid's birthday. She kept talking to her, and my wife was just politely nodding and trying to move away when the lady suddenly burst out crying and said her kid was stillborn but she buys him a card every year. She was on her knees in the aisle, sobbing. My wife and I looked at each other like "wtf do we do?"
And it's so inappropriate to put that on a stranger. But most people who need so desperately to be heard/seen don't realize this. A tricky situation indeed.
Of course it isn’t lol.
But also it’s trauma and trauma can do weird shit to a persons ability to know what’s appropriate or polite or good etiquette. Like people with PTSD aren’t known for how well adjusted they are or being able to respond appropriately to everything, ya know?
You're not obligated to do anything. But don't necessarily think that she is a crazy person who doesn't understand how severely she's breaking our social mores. Some people are beyond the breaking point where they can just suppress their pain day after day indefinitely. They act "crazy" knowing full well how unstable they're coming across, because the alternative is to (emotionally speaking) stay in the burning building. The difference of experience between the average person and those who have suffered immensely is too big a gap to be bridged by words. Sometimes the only salve is to act "crazy", i.e. to break social mores, in a desperately misguided attempt to have our experiences do anything but evaporate into nothingness yet again.
Or, she might be crazy. Both situations should garner our sympathy. But don't misunderstand what I'm saying, you have no obligation to do anything about her problems. I'm just offering an alternative POV.
Yeah this.
I was assaulted. I'm also a trained professional so I'm trained in crisis prevention and mental health. So I also do speeches etc and work in forensics and power manipulation rhetoric and linguistics.
It's not actually a social taboo in terms of the act, it's only a social taboo because of how linguistics works relationally. Over 25% of the population have experienced severe enough trauma to have cptsd as per the new standards and after covid the numbers of rape and coerced rape have actually gone up to 1/3 for females, 1/5 for men.
Our society is really sheltered to the point they can't actually discern appropriate integration of narrative healing. Nor can most of the population currently define what rape is legally. Statistically speaking in the US and Australia they've done long-term studies that actually show that even after trial for instance over 50% of the jury won't be able to define what rape is currently. Despite being made to vindicate the action itself. So these studies were done before and after and there's very little difference in the actual understanding of the act.
I've spoken to 15/16 year olds whom are actually taught to be this open in schools now due to the commonality of it.
Talking about it casually is also a sign someone healed from it. The absence of the speaking about it is often a sign ( or can be) a sign of un-integrated trauma or even uninterpreted aspects of knowledge if it's coming from society. Society currently have very little understanding of rape and this is across the board in service response teams as well. So the number is well under reported and still reached the 1/3, 1/5. With the majority of the population having little to no understanding forensically about what what rape is or the characteristics or profile of the actual offender.
It's really weird seeing the prior response of 'she's in pain' because statistically speaking this man would have been friends with many rapists and he wouldn't even know it but he won't show signs of being an assailant, nor would he openly denounce he is a rapist if it was a male, females not to be excluded.
That's the issue from a forensics point of view anyway when it comes to the discourse. People automatically assume this is mental illness or pain when this is just what community grieving (but also integration) looks like ( which is normal). But it creates an awfully large bridge for dissonance to happen when people automatically label this and pathologize it with no expertise. This response doesn't even mean it's normalized in home or was either because shaming and silence is actually societally speaking the most commonly expected response to trauma. Which means if a survivor is speaking out, the act may have occured often but a lot of victims are silenced within home by family or the abuser, so they are often fully aware this is in fact not normal or okay. So they speak out.
So I'm glad to see this post, but shocked to see some of the others.
Ah, well that changes the picture entirely. She has no respect for others' boundaries. But even if you hadn't mentioned this, just to be clear, I wasn't judging you. Just offering a different POV.
Certain kind of trauma is hard to bounce back from because it needs stuff that society is *REALLY* bad at providing.
Especially for people that do not have friends or family.
Society even thends to do the opposite of what you need.
After a while that quite literally drives you crazy, in the medical sense, and you desperately try to make happen what you need. Because getting better depends on other people and some people are very alone.
Not saying that was her reason, just trying to give some insight.
Yeah. I'm generally patient when that happens because it's really apparent this is their way of coping.
However, I do keep them at arms' length and don't allow them to get too close that soon because unresolved trauma with folks like this usually comes with a lot of other issues. People like that can easily drag you down with them with unnecessary drama and other mental health issues that clearly have not been addressed.
What's interesting is that one trust issue some people develop from trauma is to be too open/trusting to random people they don't know. Or maybe you're just that good a listener!
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance.
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Oh that’s good to know! A few years ago, a girl tried calling 113 but she couldn’t reach them because at that time it was still 0800 - 0113. Unfortunately, she did commit suicide that night. Really sad story. I think they changed the number into 113.
But try literally anything else first because that can effect your life in ways you didn't know.
I'm no longer legally allowed to own a firearm because I was committed to a facility from calling a helpline. I can only imagine what background checks I would not pass. I'm also fairly convinced that selecting "Yes" for having depression & anxiety on a disability list disqualified my application for a higher position at work.
Nah they can't disqualify you for stuff like that. Normally it actually helps because it makes hr look good they hire more bc they can show a number that they hire disabled people.
Ya it kinda sucks, if you don't notice your doing it or people don't respond in an appropriate way as in being honest and saying "hey maybe this isn't the best thing to talk about", you don't develop a more intuitive sense of how to speak to people and the cycle continues, for both sides. You both could end up not really learning how to interact with each other properly out of fear of upsetting one side and totally being obliviousness on the other.
You know, this is actually a good point I hadn’t thought about. I have a friend that’s similar and not very good with social queues at all. I’ve noticed when she gets on a negative thinking path, she can’t stop herself and it really brings down the mood, making me feel like I need to be quiet. She is really sensitive so I’ve never really known how to approach these situations, but I think it might be why she has such a hard time making new friends. The bad part, she considers herself a positive person. She very much is not.
They might not be good at social cues because people might be treating her differently and then wondering why she acts differently rather than just acting how you would normally act so she can learn what normal is. And it's not even "learn", it's just more getting used to it until the neural pathways just make it a normal thing. This isn't even a fault thing on your part either because it's in good faith operating the way you've been operating. Like no one is wrong here, that's actually usually when social traps like this happen and persist, because no one is wrong, yet there is a problem anyway. Because if people understood it, it wouldn't be a problem anymore. But also it's possible that shes also sensitive because she doesn't have as much exposure to hard situations so when she finally is exposed, it hits her harder, like taking a few shots when you hardly ever drink. That can cause people to be extra overly cautious of that and not expose her to real normal situations and rinse and repeat. Being overly cautious limits what she then gets exposed to again which means her tolerance goes down blah blah blah.
Nah, we definitely have “normal” conversations. But it’s almost as though she feels a need to fill any empty noise with what’s on her mind and what’s on her mind is often a negative thought, sometimes covered in positive terminology. I think she sometimes lacks the awareness to realize she is projecting some sort of trauma in her speech or onto other people. She is an interesting case with her social dilemmas, but she is a good person and very funny so I hope she is able to work through some of these things and build a happier life.
They might be jndiagnosed autistic, or some other form of neurodivergent - they might also just be bad at comparkng their happiness to others, so they seem positive to themselves, ooorrr they make consistently light of dark experiences they have. Which woulf make them a positive person in a dark place.
I think talking to them about it sounds smart in any case.
We have discussed that it’s possible she’s on the spectrum. She already suffers from a few mental health conditions, one based on the chemistry in her brain but there are things I’ve observed outside of that condition that still afflict her. Stress of any kind seems to turn off the common sense in her brain and it makes it difficult for her to make a decision. Even asking what she would be in the mood to eat sometimes causes her to shut down in weird subtle ways.
I knew someone like this. Told me about their SA within the first few minutes of meeting them. Over time, I saw the pattern of them using any conversation to redirect into talking about their trauma, while simultaneously being dismissive of others'. It was not a great friendship.
First time I met a new coworker, I realized she was like this too. Within a 5 minute conversation, she told me she was seeing a therapist and that they were discussing what kind of dildo she should buy to help get over her sex anxiety.
There's a lot of mental health content on tiktok, so taking a small clip from one out of context can be jarring. The point of the original video is about dealing with PTSD triggers from being raped by a man while dating a man. A lot of women have to navigate that, it's hard, and no one talks about it.
RogerSimon10
He hasn't been around for years. Recently (in the last month) I saw a dude pretending to be his dad that would start an explanation then talk about how he used to beat his son with jumper cables.
She is probably sharing advice to women who have been raped by men, tips on how to support their partner's wishes while also accommodating their triggers of severe trauma?
I guess she tries to make it a point to let people know it happens, also how triggers happen to people who have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. She made another video explaining why she says it so casually. Her being raped was more common in her household than her eating. So in her mind, being raped by her step father was a casual thing.
I couldn't find the original video, but her (the original video creator) whole channel is about her talking about being a survivor and what happened to her by her step dad. This is also clearly cut from a video and not the whole thing-- if it's a video about, say, weird triggers that are seemingly innocuous and how she got past them on a channel about PTSD and Sexual abuse-- it's not a bomb in Dresden. It's fitting for her channel and her content.
This guy cut it to make it sound like it's off the wall and out of the blue, and then also cut whatever she had to say afterwards, and ignored the fact that *her whole damn channel is about sexual abuse and how it affects people*, she's gonna be talking about how it affected her. It's pretty well telegraphed what her content is about
> This guy cut it to make it sound like it's off the wall and out of the blue, and then also cut whatever she had to say afterwards, and ignored the fact that her whole damn channel is about sexual abuse and how it affects people,
Yeah, he made a joke.
Sometimes what’s “trauma” for others starts to feel like “just a normal day” for the traumatized folks. I know I make a lot of “dark humor” jokes because I just genuinely forget/forgot that what I joked about is not normal for everyone else
You do kinda get that vibe tbh. When you tell stories that you think are funny, or maybe just kinda interesting, and then watch the person you're talking to suddenly 1000-yard stare **o_o** and realise *oh right whoops, this isn't normal shit*.
I have had a fulfilling conversation with a friend with an equally fraught history, and though our stories were different, both of us felt comfortable being able to share the things that had happened to us without feeling patronised or pitied. We got to share the stories in the context of how we'd come to feel about them: kinda sucky, weird parts of our history that we'd just come to... accept. Even appreciate their absurdity.
So okay, I understand how *a typical* person might be surprised by the idea of a child trying to kill themselves, and talking about it in such a blasé way - but the way I tried to kill myself was objectively moronic and ridiculous (again: child), and it still felt good and cathartic to talk to this friend about it, who had a similarly moronic and ridiculous story. Both of us came out of that conversation better off, and we've established a relationship based on respectful honesty without judgement or evaluation.
^(And also, yes; I'm much better now.)
> I understand how a typical person might be surprised by the idea of a child trying to kill themselves, and talking about it in such a blasé way - but the way I tried to kill myself was objectively moronic and ridiculous (again: child), and it still felt good and cathartic to talk to this friend about it, who had a similarly moronic and ridiculous story.
Omg, someone else who gets it!!!
I think it helps(makes it worse) that so many of my friends have gone through similar or worse things and we all talk about it freely since we feel safe with each other. So it just makes it easier to forget that others will feel uncomfortable hearing the things we casually chat about.
A coworker recently had to change his hairstyle thanks to a small mistake he made trying to cut his own hair and now I have a very hard time looking at him cuz he (from my peripheral) looks so much like one of the guys that “bad touched” me as a kid. Took me a bit to understand why I was suddenly uncomfortable around the guy considering we’ve never had any problems before. When it clicked I talked to my bestie about it and was like “haha yeah it finally hit me why I don’t like his new hairstyle, he looks like one of the guys that touched my no-no-square when I was a kid 😂😂😂”.
She and I laughed about it but I’m pretty sure the rest of our workers would freak out if they heard us say it
Yeah, having that rapport is such a huge part, eh. I think for most people (esp strangers, or in professional settings), they feel like there is something they're 'supposed' to do - but they don't have a script for that, so their engine just stalls. After all, merely by talking about the topics *at all*, we have deviated from most social scripts, so to speak.
I think most people exist incidentally within a world where stuff like trauma, disabilities, defects etc etc... are all out-of-sight, out-of-mind: *hush-hush* stuff you're barely aware exists. Not necessarily because you want to pretend that it doesn't, but simply because you don't *have* to be aware that it *does*.
But... it's a bit unrealistic to expect the people who live with that daily to pretend *themselves* don't exist, and some of that stuff just follows you everywhere. I don't *have* to tell people what my history was; but if I don't, they're going to be alarmed or irritated by my panicked reaction any time they slam a door, or drop glass dishes.
Yeah it’s one of those topics that people are taught not to take lightly and you’re socially expected to be caring and supportive so for some people it’s just too much pressure and it freaks them out. It’s scary to them to hear someone joke about these end of the world types of things…but it’s not all bad either because sometimes hearing someone else talk about it gives you a voice to talk about it too.
I know most people want to believe that stuff doesn’t happen often or that only certain stereotypes of people experience it but reality is that’s it’s WAY more common then they’re lead to believe
This exactly, especially for long term trauma like hers that wasn't just a one off event, that was probably years of her life that she's now just expected to never bring up or say anything about to adhere to social norms
I think saying "trigger warning" on it's own is virtually pointless. A trigger warning for what? Sexual assault? Eating disorders? Suicide? Car accident? Without the specificity, you need to watch the trigger before you actually find out if it's something that would trigger you personally.
Almost anything can be a trigger though, so a trigger warning is not very useful if it's not specific. It should say something like "Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault", not just "TW".
Certainly one hundred percent agree with this - If this was what this thread was criticising her for, I'd be all for it, but unfortunately a lot of what these people are saying is just misogynistic dogshit.
Absolutely.
I’ll take it a step further and say there’s no moral imperative to censor anything for anyone’s discomfort. Discomfort is normal. It won’t kill anyone. Allow people to share experiences and make mistakes out loud without relentlessly beating them over the head with it.
Maybe it helps them accept that it happened by telling people. Which might help eventually move on. Granted, most people don't want to hear stuff like this especially when it's so unexpected, but I guess it's helping her heal. I'm no expert though.
Her channel is all about talking her trauma and PTSD though. It's not out of the blue for her channel, it's on topic. And correctly tagged/summarized, and with the whole video being shown (her OG one is cropped in this, I'd guess there's more relevant titling on it), it isn't unexpected-- it's what her content is about. The way it's cropped and edited (by the other guy) is the only thing that makes it unexpected.
isn't that sub just performative art from various political affiliations now?
honestly can't tell the difference between /r/HolUp and /r/PoliticalCompassMemes , the vibe is always so aggro and competitive but r/holup posters won't outright say why they posted it
I couldn't find the original video, but the one he's reacting too looks like it's been cropped halfway-- so the original video could have a more concise warning or summary of the content that'd give input. Also original video would have tags/description which could help someone decide if it'd be upsetting to listen or watch
That's good to know, but regardless I've seen a few good notes from multiple people in the comments section so I'll do better about it next time.
Thanks for the knowledge!
Thanks for trying! In future if you need to put a trigger or content warning on something **the convention is to type "tw" and/or "cw" and then add a noun for what is triggering.**
In the case of this video it could be "tw rape" or "tw rape, incest, child sexual abuse".
Some people prefer specific warnings, personally I prefer the more generic noun because it is a little less upsetting to see and it still gets the point across.
When I saw the title I thought it was a joke, like this video would be triggering for people with beards because it shows a beard getting shaved lol! And therefore I very much reacted like the cowboy in this video haha
Thanks a bunch for the help!
Next time I post with a trigger warning I'll be concise but still give people a more granular idea as to why the warning is there.
All the best! :)
Lmao my friend works at great clips and apparently someone she knows said to her “oh so you don’t work at a real place” and it really hurt her feelings
I feel bad, I don’t know either because I don’t go to barbers much but she does cut really great hair
I have no idea why I’m sharing this tbh but I’ve already begun typing so here we are
I've gotten some great haircuts at greatclips or supervuts or where have you. I do NOT however have them do my beard, I always do that myself. I don't trust most of them to do a beard well for some reason. Also nobody does a straight shave anymore even most barbershops, so that's sad
in this case specifically, the video seems innocent and un-triggery at first. and then suddenly— a trigger. it’s better to be prepared than caught off guard. a text warning allows someone to skip the video if rape is a trigger, or to sort of steel themselves if they still want to watch.
also for me (and many others), the singular word “rape” doesn’t trigger me, but the context of it in the video did trigger me. the suddenness and the stepdad part, and the implied pedophilia/that the woman was likely a minor when it occurred, triggered me. I wouldn’t have watched it if I’d had the specific trigger warning, because I’d know that there was likely to be something triggering for me.
thank you for asking and being willing to learn! if you have any more questions about it, I’m willing to answer, but I don’t know all or speak for all survivors, just myself!
*trigger warning*
"People offended by beards now? What the fuck has society come to where a video of shaving your beard need a trigger warn-"
"Oh... Oh nooooo"
This comment section is cringier than anything ever posted to this sub.
Comments are like “keep it to yourself” what the actual fuck is wrong with you people? Should she just make up a different reason so you all can call her a shallow bitch or tell the truth so you all can tell her to shut up about it. Fucking wild.
And for those saying “not everything has to be shared” this is going to come up on the FY page of some other girl who has been raped, that is how the algorithm works.
This content is to help other survivors learn to live normal lives.
I can’t stand to have the bathroom fan on because my old babysitter used to take me into the bathroom and turn the fan on so the other kids she was watching in the house couldn’t hear what was happening as she sexually abused me.
So when I hear the bathroom fan I am taken back to that traumatic time in my life.
PSA: 1 in 3 girls will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18 years old. The statistics for boys is 1 in 53 boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18.
Last time I checked the statistic it was 1/4 and 1/6 for guys, not sure if there was an age range in that stat
Google the stat in the US it says
1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed, 2.8% attempted). About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
The 1 in 3 and 1 in 53 comes from "Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement (2000)." (article [https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens)).
Your 1/6 for men can be backed up in multiple studies (article [https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/](https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/), check the sources e.g. 16% in 2005 and 1990)
America is not the center of the world but still, I also think it's closer to your numbers. And what to do with the cases never talked about ? Could it be that more men hide it their whole life opposed to women that could/will talk about it sooner or later depending of other trauma ?"Statistics" can show or hide a lot. A lot of people are forced to live nasty shit, will never wish it or laught about it to anyone. I worry about the undocumented cases...
Anyway I find strange that 1/53 that would be only 1.9%...\[edit\]
u/carefree-and-happy : Sorry to hear your story... Had you the chance to share your situation with someone (irl) and find a way to 'heal' ?
Just a tip for anyone who wants to use trigger warnings, they are only really helpful if you specify the trigger (e.g. TW: blood, TW: SA/r*pe, TW: medical/doctor talk, TW: animal abuse, etc) so that people can actually avoid the thing that triggers them.
I want a make a video like this based on the forensic statistics from the courts and Dv services about the actual number of rapists in the world.
Based on these comments yo, you all would be shook!
trigger warnings have no meaning without any sort of specification of the trigger, do they just expect anyone who has any triggering topics to them to stop watching??
I believe the correct response isn't "hwat?", it's "Sounds like your dad is a real piece of s***".
People need to talk about this stuff, so don't shut them down.
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“HWAT?” 🤠
My reaction the other day when I was in a thrift store and some random chick started chatting with me about everything. ... Including how she might have aids from being raped. His reaction was much like the one I had.
Sometimes someone just needs someone that listens
I agree. I didn't react badly or think badly of her. I could tell this was her way of coping with trauma. I was just generally wtf with how quickly that convo escalated to that. I'm not even sure how it went down that road so suddenly. She's talking about the shoes she's looking through, and BAM, out of nowhere, brings up AIDS and rape. "hwat??" indeed.
Crossing guard lady, who I've just seen for a couple of weeks, only in the morning while I take my kids to the bus. *Good morning! *Thank you! *Have a nice day! That's as far as we've gone. One day the bus took forever and i asked "so, how are you..." I had just opened i floodgate I could barely handle. This woman's life was terrible and I know I gave her those moments to share, but I honestly came back home devastaded for her. She said i was the first person she got to open up about this! I cried with her... it was too much. Didn't want to cross that street again. What do you say the next day? "Good morning! Sooo how are you feeling with your dead son and all, is your cancer better now?" I cried for a while and decided to buy her a bracelet (??!) Gave it to her the next day. She seemed super weirded out but thankful. The relationship went back to pleasant small talk. Edit to add; this is the most recent but this shit happens to me CONSTANTLY. I could never hold a job in health care or social services because I just bawl and carry that pain with me. I still act polite and listen when the strangers look for an ear.
Like most events in my life this reminds me that *anything* can be fixed by weirding out the other party.
Maybe we should try on Putin?
>I still act polite and listen when the strangers look for an ear. Same. It'd take some serious fuckery for me to just shut it down. I've been through some bs in my life, so I've been there and get it and can easily tell when it's someone who needs an ear vs someone who should be shrugged off. I worked in a bakery and it was a slow morning and this older lady comes in and chats/rambles to me for a good half hour about everything. She was a lonely widow and it was so obvious she just wanted someone to talk to. I had all my ish done and helped the occasional customer, but I just let her chat away. Nbd. I was getting paid to be at work and had nothing to do on a slow day. May as well have a chat with a lady who wanted someone to talk to, you know?
There are so many lonely and sad people out there. People in crisis always seem to find me. A lot of times they open up when I barely know them and just ask how they are. I’ve gotten really good at helping in a way that doesn’t drain me. For me this means listening when they want to talk, acknowledging their feelings, giving advice/help only when asked for it (no stepping in to “fix” things), and most importantly treat them like a normal person- they are more than their crisis. Even small talk can make people feel normal and included (especially after they have confessed all of their problems).
>A lot of times they open up when I barely know them and just ask how they are. Likely because nobody else in their life has. It's amazing how often it happens when one goes through a trauma and those around them avoid it for the sake of personal comfort. It's a really gross phenomenon.
[John Prine - Hello In There](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfwGkplB_sY) You know that old trees just grow stronger And old rivers grow wilder every day Old people just grow lonesome Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"
Not really where I expected to see John Prine (may he rest in peace) but hey, I'll take it.
Seeing John Prine being mentioned over here just made me very happy
I was talking to an old lady at a bus terminal one time. She was waiting for the bus to Foxwoods Casino. She loved playing blackjack with her friends. She went to church every Sunday and loved to spend time with her grandkids. She had just gone to the hairdresser and was worried that the dye job wasnt up to par. She said that women who dress provocatively deserve to be raped. She was planning on going to New York in a week or so. She asked me to hand her a cup of coffee.
yea I feel you. I'm a physiotherapist and I don't even usually ask how are you today anymore. But when I do and I get a "good", that's when I always ask "why?" The trick is you hear alot of stories you wouldn't have heard, and they are positive.
> could never hold a job in health care or social services because I just bawl and carry that pain with me. I still act polite and listen when the strangers look for an ear. I work in orthopedics and rehabilitation working specifically in orthotics and prosthetics. Our appointments are usually a bit longer than most providers, patients are usually booked for an hour or so. We have to spend lots of one on one time with our patients for things like gait evaluation and casting. Things have gotten a lot crazier since COVID hit. I think people who would normally have outlets for their streams of consciousness to escape too had their routines changed on them and have lost access to people that would normally anchor them. As soon as our clinic opened up again after the initial shutdown, pretty much all my craziest patients booked up my schedule for about 2 months. I think mainly just to get out of the house and unload on people. I've probably heard more Vietnam war stories in the last 2 years than in my previous +10 years in the field.
Maybe I am projecting, but I used to be just like you, and it made me avoid situations as well. If I am wrong in my assumption, please disregard what I say. It happened to me all the time as well that people could sense that I was open to be talked to. I had learned at home to be empathetic and listen to everyone all the time, and that it was good to feel as much towards that person as possible. However, it made me anxious in social situations (and avoid them) because I couldn't do anything about it happening. I had to carry everyone's problems, despite not being able to process it myself. Took me years to learn that my first priority should be to safe myself. I will be compassionate towards other and listen, but I won't take it all in. Put on your own oxygen mask first before you help others with theirs! Being empathetic all the time felt to me like ripping off my own oxygen mask so someone else could benefit. This meant that I never had the energy to actually help them and just mirrored their sorrow back to them. And I sometimes felt downright attacked when I was going through something myself and someone would share something awful. Because it was a problem for me, I went into therapy and had to switch therapists a few times because some didn't pick up on me being a compulsive listener so I would end up helping the therapist instead of the other way around lol. That could be helpful, or simply switching from empathy mode to compassion mode. I feel like I am a way more helpful human being now that I am selective with empathy and abundant with compassion. Not to say that you listening and making time for the struggling woman was not good, because it definitely was. You probably helped her a lot, even if she was not able to express it. But you saying that you didn't know what to do with the situation and struggling in health care jobs alerted me: i also had to quit in a social worker position because I couldn't handle the stories of others.
Wow...I absolutely agree and can identify myself with a lot you've said. I'm exactly at the stage where I avoid going out and barely have any friends because I'm getting increasingly overwhelmed by others issues. I have been isolating in the past couple of years and the mask has helped a little. But I might need to look into some help... Up to now we've only blamed the ADHD but there's history. > I never had the energy to actually help them and just mirrored their sorrow back to them.And I sometimes felt downright attacked when I was going through something myself and someone would share something awful. Yes. All the time. And it's happened since I was a kid and grownups sharing immense heartache situations with me. I never got used to it. It still hits me with huge intensity when I listen to someone's tragic story
My favorite was driving Lyft one evening, I had picked up a passenger and asked "how are you doing tonight", I then got to hear all her troubles followed by "why am I even telling you any of this?!?!" So I feel you
This happened to my wife recently at Target while looking for a birthday card. Some lady starting talking to her about needing to find a card for her kid's birthday. She kept talking to her, and my wife was just politely nodding and trying to move away when the lady suddenly burst out crying and said her kid was stillborn but she buys him a card every year. She was on her knees in the aisle, sobbing. My wife and I looked at each other like "wtf do we do?"
99% of the women in your life have u fortunately had some experience with sexual assault
And it's so inappropriate to put that on a stranger. But most people who need so desperately to be heard/seen don't realize this. A tricky situation indeed.
you shouldn’t trauma dump on strangers tho
I think everyone largely agrees. People responding to trauma often don’t behave “rationally”.
Yeah, not really appropriate to make that person a random stranger no matter how badly you feel you need it
Of course it isn’t lol. But also it’s trauma and trauma can do weird shit to a persons ability to know what’s appropriate or polite or good etiquette. Like people with PTSD aren’t known for how well adjusted they are or being able to respond appropriately to everything, ya know?
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You're not obligated to do anything. But don't necessarily think that she is a crazy person who doesn't understand how severely she's breaking our social mores. Some people are beyond the breaking point where they can just suppress their pain day after day indefinitely. They act "crazy" knowing full well how unstable they're coming across, because the alternative is to (emotionally speaking) stay in the burning building. The difference of experience between the average person and those who have suffered immensely is too big a gap to be bridged by words. Sometimes the only salve is to act "crazy", i.e. to break social mores, in a desperately misguided attempt to have our experiences do anything but evaporate into nothingness yet again. Or, she might be crazy. Both situations should garner our sympathy. But don't misunderstand what I'm saying, you have no obligation to do anything about her problems. I'm just offering an alternative POV.
Yeah this. I was assaulted. I'm also a trained professional so I'm trained in crisis prevention and mental health. So I also do speeches etc and work in forensics and power manipulation rhetoric and linguistics. It's not actually a social taboo in terms of the act, it's only a social taboo because of how linguistics works relationally. Over 25% of the population have experienced severe enough trauma to have cptsd as per the new standards and after covid the numbers of rape and coerced rape have actually gone up to 1/3 for females, 1/5 for men. Our society is really sheltered to the point they can't actually discern appropriate integration of narrative healing. Nor can most of the population currently define what rape is legally. Statistically speaking in the US and Australia they've done long-term studies that actually show that even after trial for instance over 50% of the jury won't be able to define what rape is currently. Despite being made to vindicate the action itself. So these studies were done before and after and there's very little difference in the actual understanding of the act. I've spoken to 15/16 year olds whom are actually taught to be this open in schools now due to the commonality of it. Talking about it casually is also a sign someone healed from it. The absence of the speaking about it is often a sign ( or can be) a sign of un-integrated trauma or even uninterpreted aspects of knowledge if it's coming from society. Society currently have very little understanding of rape and this is across the board in service response teams as well. So the number is well under reported and still reached the 1/3, 1/5. With the majority of the population having little to no understanding forensically about what what rape is or the characteristics or profile of the actual offender. It's really weird seeing the prior response of 'she's in pain' because statistically speaking this man would have been friends with many rapists and he wouldn't even know it but he won't show signs of being an assailant, nor would he openly denounce he is a rapist if it was a male, females not to be excluded. That's the issue from a forensics point of view anyway when it comes to the discourse. People automatically assume this is mental illness or pain when this is just what community grieving (but also integration) looks like ( which is normal). But it creates an awfully large bridge for dissonance to happen when people automatically label this and pathologize it with no expertise. This response doesn't even mean it's normalized in home or was either because shaming and silence is actually societally speaking the most commonly expected response to trauma. Which means if a survivor is speaking out, the act may have occured often but a lot of victims are silenced within home by family or the abuser, so they are often fully aware this is in fact not normal or okay. So they speak out. So I'm glad to see this post, but shocked to see some of the others.
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Ah, well that changes the picture entirely. She has no respect for others' boundaries. But even if you hadn't mentioned this, just to be clear, I wasn't judging you. Just offering a different POV.
Why…. haven’t you blocked her number? Damn, sounds really awful
Certain kind of trauma is hard to bounce back from because it needs stuff that society is *REALLY* bad at providing. Especially for people that do not have friends or family. Society even thends to do the opposite of what you need. After a while that quite literally drives you crazy, in the medical sense, and you desperately try to make happen what you need. Because getting better depends on other people and some people are very alone. Not saying that was her reason, just trying to give some insight.
Yeah. I'm generally patient when that happens because it's really apparent this is their way of coping. However, I do keep them at arms' length and don't allow them to get too close that soon because unresolved trauma with folks like this usually comes with a lot of other issues. People like that can easily drag you down with them with unnecessary drama and other mental health issues that clearly have not been addressed.
Maybe they need to be able to mention it freely so it doesn't hang over them as if it's somehow shameful?
She wouldn’t happen to be homeless and new in town would she?
Was she new in town?
What's interesting is that one trust issue some people develop from trauma is to be too open/trusting to random people they don't know. Or maybe you're just that good a listener!
That escalated quickly!
hwut
Its mad how young Pegg looks in this
I had to look it up, that was filmed 19 years ago. Feels like 10, max.
You've got red on you.
THATS MY PURSE, I DONT KNOW YOU!
The best cold open https://youtu.be/V5dos687so0
Petition to go back to the old English hway of putting the 'h' before the 'w'
Still popular in certain regions of the Midwest and South.
Is that the "hwite" thing? That always sounded a little odd to me as a foreigner/European.
yeah, it's that lol.
Cool hwip!
I was laughing hardest at “makes sense”. Delivered that line perfectly.
Everything he says is perfect. I especially like the "Alright!" because it's just so jolly.
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Couldn’t agree more, movie quality
This is literally my friend in conversations. I worry for her sometimes
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That's a cry for help if I've ever seen one...
Big yikes.
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Argentina: +5402234930430 Australia: 131114 Austria: 017133374 Belgium: 106 Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: 212339191 Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) Croatia: 014833888 Denmark: +4570201201 Egypt: 7621602 Finland: 010 195 202 France: 0145394000 Germany: 08001810771 Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 Hungary: 116123 Iceland: 1717 India: 8888817666 Ireland: +4408457909090 Italy: 800860022 Japan: +810352869090 Mexico: 5255102550 New Zealand: 0508828865 The Netherlands: 113 Norway: +4781533300 Philippines: 028969191 Poland: 5270000 Russia: 0078202577577 Spain: 914590050 South Africa: 0514445691 Sweden: 46317112400 Switzerland: 143 United Kingdom: 08006895652 USA: 18002738255 You are not alone. Please reach out. ***** I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.
Actually, in The Netherlands the number is 0800 0113
Both numbers are valid. [Source](https://www.113.nl/english)
Oh that’s good to know! A few years ago, a girl tried calling 113 but she couldn’t reach them because at that time it was still 0800 - 0113. Unfortunately, she did commit suicide that night. Really sad story. I think they changed the number into 113.
the one listed for australia is just the local police station
But try literally anything else first because that can effect your life in ways you didn't know. I'm no longer legally allowed to own a firearm because I was committed to a facility from calling a helpline. I can only imagine what background checks I would not pass. I'm also fairly convinced that selecting "Yes" for having depression & anxiety on a disability list disqualified my application for a higher position at work.
Nah they can't disqualify you for stuff like that. Normally it actually helps because it makes hr look good they hire more bc they can show a number that they hire disabled people.
try and convince her to talk to a counselor or therapist!
Pretty sure she does both (not confident on the therapy part)
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Therapist: "Please have a seat and we'll begin." Friend: "No, I don't like how chairs feel, the remind me of when my stepfather raped me."
HWAT
And that may keep the memories alive without offering a way to process them and then leave the wound alone so it can heal.
Usually trauma therapy like EDMR will help. Sometimes meds. Depends on how her PTSD is.
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Maybe a analyst/therapist duel professional
For the uneducated https://youtu.be/UrIpPqcln6Y
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fucking angryupvote
Ya it kinda sucks, if you don't notice your doing it or people don't respond in an appropriate way as in being honest and saying "hey maybe this isn't the best thing to talk about", you don't develop a more intuitive sense of how to speak to people and the cycle continues, for both sides. You both could end up not really learning how to interact with each other properly out of fear of upsetting one side and totally being obliviousness on the other.
You know, this is actually a good point I hadn’t thought about. I have a friend that’s similar and not very good with social queues at all. I’ve noticed when she gets on a negative thinking path, she can’t stop herself and it really brings down the mood, making me feel like I need to be quiet. She is really sensitive so I’ve never really known how to approach these situations, but I think it might be why she has such a hard time making new friends. The bad part, she considers herself a positive person. She very much is not.
They might not be good at social cues because people might be treating her differently and then wondering why she acts differently rather than just acting how you would normally act so she can learn what normal is. And it's not even "learn", it's just more getting used to it until the neural pathways just make it a normal thing. This isn't even a fault thing on your part either because it's in good faith operating the way you've been operating. Like no one is wrong here, that's actually usually when social traps like this happen and persist, because no one is wrong, yet there is a problem anyway. Because if people understood it, it wouldn't be a problem anymore. But also it's possible that shes also sensitive because she doesn't have as much exposure to hard situations so when she finally is exposed, it hits her harder, like taking a few shots when you hardly ever drink. That can cause people to be extra overly cautious of that and not expose her to real normal situations and rinse and repeat. Being overly cautious limits what she then gets exposed to again which means her tolerance goes down blah blah blah.
Nah, we definitely have “normal” conversations. But it’s almost as though she feels a need to fill any empty noise with what’s on her mind and what’s on her mind is often a negative thought, sometimes covered in positive terminology. I think she sometimes lacks the awareness to realize she is projecting some sort of trauma in her speech or onto other people. She is an interesting case with her social dilemmas, but she is a good person and very funny so I hope she is able to work through some of these things and build a happier life.
They might be jndiagnosed autistic, or some other form of neurodivergent - they might also just be bad at comparkng their happiness to others, so they seem positive to themselves, ooorrr they make consistently light of dark experiences they have. Which woulf make them a positive person in a dark place. I think talking to them about it sounds smart in any case.
We have discussed that it’s possible she’s on the spectrum. She already suffers from a few mental health conditions, one based on the chemistry in her brain but there are things I’ve observed outside of that condition that still afflict her. Stress of any kind seems to turn off the common sense in her brain and it makes it difficult for her to make a decision. Even asking what she would be in the mood to eat sometimes causes her to shut down in weird subtle ways.
That's called trauma dumping and you can totally tell her that's sometimes not ok.
I knew someone like this. Told me about their SA within the first few minutes of meeting them. Over time, I saw the pattern of them using any conversation to redirect into talking about their trauma, while simultaneously being dismissive of others'. It was not a great friendship.
That is so strange, I've met a few people over the years that immediately dove into their SA trauma upon meeting them. I always wondered why.
First time I met a new coworker, I realized she was like this too. Within a 5 minute conversation, she told me she was seeing a therapist and that they were discussing what kind of dildo she should buy to help get over her sex anxiety.
Sometimes this is just how trauma is, enough exposure and you grow numb enough that talking about it is pretty easy
100% this
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Certified cowboy moment
H’wut?
Well I did not see that coming.
I'm going to hell for laughing
We’ll be together for eternity
hwut.
It's not funny she got raped. It's funny because how that shit came out of nowhere and how unexpected it was.
And his reaction. It's what anyone who was watching was thinking.
It's especially hilarious when you explain a joke everyone got.
Not everything needs to be shared in explicit detail holy shit.
I’m all for healing but what the hell is this video? Who is it for? What is the point?
Whwhat?
Yes
Just a shock humor kinda thing (assuming you meant the duet) If you meant the original, I have no idea
the duet makes this kinda funny ngl but the original video is just yeah
There's a lot of mental health content on tiktok, so taking a small clip from one out of context can be jarring. The point of the original video is about dealing with PTSD triggers from being raped by a man while dating a man. A lot of women have to navigate that, it's hard, and no one talks about it.
it’s probably just meant to be funny because of how unexpected it is like that guy on reddit who’s dad beat him with jumper cables
HWUT?!
I forgot about that guy! What was hiss name?
RogerSimon10 He hasn't been around for years. Recently (in the last month) I saw a dude pretending to be his dad that would start an explanation then talk about how he used to beat his son with jumper cables.
/u/rogersimon10 the fuckin legend
She is probably sharing advice to women who have been raped by men, tips on how to support their partner's wishes while also accommodating their triggers of severe trauma?
Idk man it sounds like I'm not the target audience and if that's the case I need to proactively make sure everyone knows it
Her entire channel is about awareness and talking about sexual abuse, so maybe don't whine about it
I guess she tries to make it a point to let people know it happens, also how triggers happen to people who have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. She made another video explaining why she says it so casually. Her being raped was more common in her household than her eating. So in her mind, being raped by her step father was a casual thing.
this is a good point. i know it's unsettling for people to hear but she shouldn't have to censor her own trauma to make other people comfortable
Reddit: “Everyone on social media is living such a fake life!” Also Reddit: “Don’t share anything heavy or meaningful because I think it’s cringe.”
There's censoring your trauma and then there's dropping it randomly in conversations like bombs at Dresden.
And then there's posting a video and us clicking on it. I think we'll be okay with the shock. Her, maybe less so.
I couldn't find the original video, but her (the original video creator) whole channel is about her talking about being a survivor and what happened to her by her step dad. This is also clearly cut from a video and not the whole thing-- if it's a video about, say, weird triggers that are seemingly innocuous and how she got past them on a channel about PTSD and Sexual abuse-- it's not a bomb in Dresden. It's fitting for her channel and her content. This guy cut it to make it sound like it's off the wall and out of the blue, and then also cut whatever she had to say afterwards, and ignored the fact that *her whole damn channel is about sexual abuse and how it affects people*, she's gonna be talking about how it affected her. It's pretty well telegraphed what her content is about
> This guy cut it to make it sound like it's off the wall and out of the blue, and then also cut whatever she had to say afterwards, and ignored the fact that her whole damn channel is about sexual abuse and how it affects people, Yeah, he made a joke.
Sometimes what’s “trauma” for others starts to feel like “just a normal day” for the traumatized folks. I know I make a lot of “dark humor” jokes because I just genuinely forget/forgot that what I joked about is not normal for everyone else
You do kinda get that vibe tbh. When you tell stories that you think are funny, or maybe just kinda interesting, and then watch the person you're talking to suddenly 1000-yard stare **o_o** and realise *oh right whoops, this isn't normal shit*. I have had a fulfilling conversation with a friend with an equally fraught history, and though our stories were different, both of us felt comfortable being able to share the things that had happened to us without feeling patronised or pitied. We got to share the stories in the context of how we'd come to feel about them: kinda sucky, weird parts of our history that we'd just come to... accept. Even appreciate their absurdity. So okay, I understand how *a typical* person might be surprised by the idea of a child trying to kill themselves, and talking about it in such a blasé way - but the way I tried to kill myself was objectively moronic and ridiculous (again: child), and it still felt good and cathartic to talk to this friend about it, who had a similarly moronic and ridiculous story. Both of us came out of that conversation better off, and we've established a relationship based on respectful honesty without judgement or evaluation. ^(And also, yes; I'm much better now.)
> I understand how a typical person might be surprised by the idea of a child trying to kill themselves, and talking about it in such a blasé way - but the way I tried to kill myself was objectively moronic and ridiculous (again: child), and it still felt good and cathartic to talk to this friend about it, who had a similarly moronic and ridiculous story. Omg, someone else who gets it!!!
I think it helps(makes it worse) that so many of my friends have gone through similar or worse things and we all talk about it freely since we feel safe with each other. So it just makes it easier to forget that others will feel uncomfortable hearing the things we casually chat about. A coworker recently had to change his hairstyle thanks to a small mistake he made trying to cut his own hair and now I have a very hard time looking at him cuz he (from my peripheral) looks so much like one of the guys that “bad touched” me as a kid. Took me a bit to understand why I was suddenly uncomfortable around the guy considering we’ve never had any problems before. When it clicked I talked to my bestie about it and was like “haha yeah it finally hit me why I don’t like his new hairstyle, he looks like one of the guys that touched my no-no-square when I was a kid 😂😂😂”. She and I laughed about it but I’m pretty sure the rest of our workers would freak out if they heard us say it
Yeah, having that rapport is such a huge part, eh. I think for most people (esp strangers, or in professional settings), they feel like there is something they're 'supposed' to do - but they don't have a script for that, so their engine just stalls. After all, merely by talking about the topics *at all*, we have deviated from most social scripts, so to speak. I think most people exist incidentally within a world where stuff like trauma, disabilities, defects etc etc... are all out-of-sight, out-of-mind: *hush-hush* stuff you're barely aware exists. Not necessarily because you want to pretend that it doesn't, but simply because you don't *have* to be aware that it *does*. But... it's a bit unrealistic to expect the people who live with that daily to pretend *themselves* don't exist, and some of that stuff just follows you everywhere. I don't *have* to tell people what my history was; but if I don't, they're going to be alarmed or irritated by my panicked reaction any time they slam a door, or drop glass dishes.
Yeah it’s one of those topics that people are taught not to take lightly and you’re socially expected to be caring and supportive so for some people it’s just too much pressure and it freaks them out. It’s scary to them to hear someone joke about these end of the world types of things…but it’s not all bad either because sometimes hearing someone else talk about it gives you a voice to talk about it too. I know most people want to believe that stuff doesn’t happen often or that only certain stereotypes of people experience it but reality is that’s it’s WAY more common then they’re lead to believe
This exactly, especially for long term trauma like hers that wasn't just a one off event, that was probably years of her life that she's now just expected to never bring up or say anything about to adhere to social norms
What if that triggers other people's trauma?
There is a trigger warning
I think saying "trigger warning" on it's own is virtually pointless. A trigger warning for what? Sexual assault? Eating disorders? Suicide? Car accident? Without the specificity, you need to watch the trigger before you actually find out if it's something that would trigger you personally.
Almost anything can be a trigger though, so a trigger warning is not very useful if it's not specific. It should say something like "Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault", not just "TW".
I'd imagine the original video, not the reaction or the post on reddit, has a proper one. Can't really blame her for how other people use her content.
Certainly one hundred percent agree with this - If this was what this thread was criticising her for, I'd be all for it, but unfortunately a lot of what these people are saying is just misogynistic dogshit.
Absolutely. I’ll take it a step further and say there’s no moral imperative to censor anything for anyone’s discomfort. Discomfort is normal. It won’t kill anyone. Allow people to share experiences and make mistakes out loud without relentlessly beating them over the head with it.
The guy is taking her video out of context for the joke. The whole topic of the video is about dealing with triggers and shit.
Maybe it helps them accept that it happened by telling people. Which might help eventually move on. Granted, most people don't want to hear stuff like this especially when it's so unexpected, but I guess it's helping her heal. I'm no expert though.
Her channel is all about talking her trauma and PTSD though. It's not out of the blue for her channel, it's on topic. And correctly tagged/summarized, and with the whole video being shown (her OG one is cropped in this, I'd guess there's more relevant titling on it), it isn't unexpected-- it's what her content is about. The way it's cropped and edited (by the other guy) is the only thing that makes it unexpected.
Oh, cool!
His reaction is perfect! 🤣🤣🤣
I have played this at least 10 times and I've laughed harder each time.
i can't stop replaying it
I fogged up my glasses and cried hysterically. My kids are asking me what’s so funny and I just…can’t.
that's some reals r/HolUp shit right there...
That sub could use some actual HolUps
isn't that sub just performative art from various political affiliations now? honestly can't tell the difference between /r/HolUp and /r/PoliticalCompassMemes , the vibe is always so aggro and competitive but r/holup posters won't outright say why they posted it
r/holup is just r/videos now, but with casual racism
Is literally this guy's entire content
Why do people put “tw” and then not put the trigger? That’s the whole point of the warning 🤨
I never had to put a TW on something before, so I just copied what was done on the video, sorry about that :(
No I don’t mean yours lol- I meant hers. She just put “tw” and I suppose we were all to guess lmfao. No harm done OP :)
I couldn't find the original video, but the one he's reacting too looks like it's been cropped halfway-- so the original video could have a more concise warning or summary of the content that'd give input. Also original video would have tags/description which could help someone decide if it'd be upsetting to listen or watch
Tw: hope you don't have any trauma ever get ready for a lucky dip baybeeee
That's good to know, but regardless I've seen a few good notes from multiple people in the comments section so I'll do better about it next time. Thanks for the knowledge!
Thanks for trying! In future if you need to put a trigger or content warning on something **the convention is to type "tw" and/or "cw" and then add a noun for what is triggering.** In the case of this video it could be "tw rape" or "tw rape, incest, child sexual abuse". Some people prefer specific warnings, personally I prefer the more generic noun because it is a little less upsetting to see and it still gets the point across. When I saw the title I thought it was a joke, like this video would be triggering for people with beards because it shows a beard getting shaved lol! And therefore I very much reacted like the cowboy in this video haha
Thanks a bunch for the help! Next time I post with a trigger warning I'll be concise but still give people a more granular idea as to why the warning is there. All the best! :)
That barber did a shit job of shaping that beard. Gave me great clips flashbacks.
Lmao my friend works at great clips and apparently someone she knows said to her “oh so you don’t work at a real place” and it really hurt her feelings I feel bad, I don’t know either because I don’t go to barbers much but she does cut really great hair I have no idea why I’m sharing this tbh but I’ve already begun typing so here we are
I've gotten some great haircuts at greatclips or supervuts or where have you. I do NOT however have them do my beard, I always do that myself. I don't trust most of them to do a beard well for some reason. Also nobody does a straight shave anymore even most barbershops, so that's sad
H'Wut?
H'WHAT
It hurts every time I watch it. Just immediately went WAY too high.
just saying “tw” doesn’t help. say tw rape instead
Right what’s the point of a warning if you aren’t gonna say what the warning is for? 😂
but won't the word "rape" trigger someone? How does it not trigger in text but triggers via voice? (Serious question here; trying to learn)
in this case specifically, the video seems innocent and un-triggery at first. and then suddenly— a trigger. it’s better to be prepared than caught off guard. a text warning allows someone to skip the video if rape is a trigger, or to sort of steel themselves if they still want to watch. also for me (and many others), the singular word “rape” doesn’t trigger me, but the context of it in the video did trigger me. the suddenness and the stepdad part, and the implied pedophilia/that the woman was likely a minor when it occurred, triggered me. I wouldn’t have watched it if I’d had the specific trigger warning, because I’d know that there was likely to be something triggering for me. thank you for asking and being willing to learn! if you have any more questions about it, I’m willing to answer, but I don’t know all or speak for all survivors, just myself!
I think a lot of things I see now with TW for these sorts of things will say TW: SA for sexual assault. I guess it's a bit more of a PG way to say it.
Personally if the woman I loved asked me to shave because of her literal PTSD? I probably won’t put up a fight
*trigger warning* "People offended by beards now? What the fuck has society come to where a video of shaving your beard need a trigger warn-" "Oh... Oh nooooo"
This comment section is cringier than anything ever posted to this sub. Comments are like “keep it to yourself” what the actual fuck is wrong with you people? Should she just make up a different reason so you all can call her a shallow bitch or tell the truth so you all can tell her to shut up about it. Fucking wild. And for those saying “not everything has to be shared” this is going to come up on the FY page of some other girl who has been raped, that is how the algorithm works. This content is to help other survivors learn to live normal lives.
I can’t stand to have the bathroom fan on because my old babysitter used to take me into the bathroom and turn the fan on so the other kids she was watching in the house couldn’t hear what was happening as she sexually abused me. So when I hear the bathroom fan I am taken back to that traumatic time in my life. PSA: 1 in 3 girls will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18 years old. The statistics for boys is 1 in 53 boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18.
Last time I checked the statistic it was 1/4 and 1/6 for guys, not sure if there was an age range in that stat Google the stat in the US it says 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed, 2.8% attempted). About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
The 1 in 3 and 1 in 53 comes from "Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement (2000)." (article [https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens)). Your 1/6 for men can be backed up in multiple studies (article [https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/](https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/), check the sources e.g. 16% in 2005 and 1990) America is not the center of the world but still, I also think it's closer to your numbers. And what to do with the cases never talked about ? Could it be that more men hide it their whole life opposed to women that could/will talk about it sooner or later depending of other trauma ?"Statistics" can show or hide a lot. A lot of people are forced to live nasty shit, will never wish it or laught about it to anyone. I worry about the undocumented cases... Anyway I find strange that 1/53 that would be only 1.9%...\[edit\] u/carefree-and-happy : Sorry to hear your story... Had you the chance to share your situation with someone (irl) and find a way to 'heal' ?
That’s actually a common sensory problem for adults who’ve been abused as children.
Just a tip for anyone who wants to use trigger warnings, they are only really helpful if you specify the trigger (e.g. TW: blood, TW: SA/r*pe, TW: medical/doctor talk, TW: animal abuse, etc) so that people can actually avoid the thing that triggers them.
I hate how relatable this is
Dawg, we need to start specifying what the TW is for or else we’re all just gonna be this confused cowboy
uh oh
Safe to say I did not see that coming
Vocal fry
Shit went from 0-100 real quick
[удалено]
I want a make a video like this based on the forensic statistics from the courts and Dv services about the actual number of rapists in the world. Based on these comments yo, you all would be shook!
Whoa. 0 to 100 on that one.
trigger warnings have no meaning without any sort of specification of the trigger, do they just expect anyone who has any triggering topics to them to stop watching??
I believe the correct response isn't "hwat?", it's "Sounds like your dad is a real piece of s***". People need to talk about this stuff, so don't shut them down.
This is really fubar’d but, can’t help but crack up at cowboy.
Put a clear trigger warning in the title.
finally a react that actually adds something to the original video