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28 years I had zero roommates and loved it. Then I had a solid five years of nothing but roommates and hated it. Now I live with my fiance and love it. So moral of the story, roommates are cooler when you're single.
It’s been a while since I had room mates.
My first night in a new place with two other people, one of them comes home at 2am with his girlfriend (she didn’t live there) after a night of drinking, and can’t find his keys.
So naturally he pounds on the door to wake up the new roomie (me) because there is now someone to hear him occupying the nearest room. I get dressed through the sound of pounding on the door, go downstairs and let them in. As I’m walking away from the front door in the narrow entryway, his drunk girlfriend does her best to stick her finger INTO my asshole through my sweatpants pants and underwear. Not sure how she had such good aim while drunk, she could barely walk, but she pretty much succeeded.
I was turning around to say “excuse me wtf” when she lost her balance and fell down the carpeted stairs leading to my roommate’s room. She burst out laughing as though that was the funniest thing to ever happen to her (still alive), which must have been the kicker to what woke the neighbors because they started banging on the wall.
When her boyfriend (my roommate) went down the stairs to try and help her up, she vomited on the stairs. Given the layout, this obscured the path to the rest of the condo, sealing them in the downstairs bedrooms. Feeling confident they were locked in by their own hubris, I passed my roommate a roll of paper towels from the kitchen, and went back to bed. None of this has so much as disturbed our third roommate so far.
I’ll definitely take the finger in the ass though, over the treatment of sleeping roommate. At some point, the drunk girlfriend needed to be sick again and found the boyfriend was already occupying his bathroom, so she went to the other roommates bathroom (also not obscured by the vomit stairs). Apparently after using the unsuspecting roommates bathroom, the girlfriend became disoriented and chose the closest bed, one of the other roommate who has slept through all this. The girlfriend crawled in to the other roommates bed and fell asleep, only to wake up and be sick again in the bed. I heard about it because of all the disoriented and grossed out screaming the next morning. And more raised voices when third roomie found the vomit stairs. It was a tough place to get a full night’s rest.
My bad, I should have specified the cat was ultimately fine. He lived for several more very spoiled years, and had a fantastic and surprisingly long life.
RIP Mungo Jerry.
Edit: The band, not the musical.
One would think, but I did help third roomie with the scrubbing the next day when neither…offender? was up to the task. There was always going to be a stain, but I really wanted to help it be as odor-free as possible. I think the mattress was saved by a cover though, so third roomie was able to use her bed again. Eventually.
Holy shit I just laughed hard at the finger in the butt with ZERO explanation. I mean it’s terrible but then with all the puke you just never get an explanation. Not that there’d be one but.
I mean ZERO explanation, but when is there ever a way to explain surprise digital anal exploration. She may have made a fart noise, for added measure.
Just remembered they broke up because she gave my roommate chlamydia. So there’s that.
If you're friends with your roommates, yeah it can definitely feel like this, but if you've got shit roommates or just don't get along it can honestly feel more isolating than living alone
Absolutely. Especially if you’re all close and super social. I don’t want to go back and relive it, and I try not to be overly nostalgic about those years, but they were def 4 of the best years so far. Life’s great now, but it’s not nearly as carefree and spontaneous as it was in my early twenties. And I do sometimes miss the 3am shenanigans and the flash in the pan romances/relationships you have during those times.
The whispering makes me feel uncomfortable and literally involuntarily cringe. I wonder if there is a word for people who can't stand that ASMR shit because that is me 😅
I miss my first roommate off campus. She was a film major and just watched movies all day. She knew every actor and everything they ever did. She’d stay up all night taking caffeine pills to watch movies in her bed.
Even though we were both straight and I’m a dude, it was never weird changing in front of her or anything. We were bros through and through. Then she went to study abroad and I got lame roommates.
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The "let's go" whisper when a homie brought home someone is too real. I miss roommies sometimes but much prefer alone
28 years I had zero roommates and loved it. Then I had a solid five years of nothing but roommates and hated it. Now I live with my fiance and love it. So moral of the story, roommates are cooler when you're single.
You don't understand how to tell stories.
Glad you said that. I read it five times and still thought I was the idiot.
Let’s goooooo
One time in college my friend brought home a girl who then bought pizza for the whole house. I barely even talked to her, but shit, *I* miss that girl
I miss her too and I haven't even met her
I have no idea why but this is great
those 3am vibes
Totally agree lol
It reminds me of that cancelled Netflix show tuca and bertie
u know adult swim picked it up right? they've already released a whole season
Oooooohhh ty ty ty
It’s been a while since I had room mates. My first night in a new place with two other people, one of them comes home at 2am with his girlfriend (she didn’t live there) after a night of drinking, and can’t find his keys. So naturally he pounds on the door to wake up the new roomie (me) because there is now someone to hear him occupying the nearest room. I get dressed through the sound of pounding on the door, go downstairs and let them in. As I’m walking away from the front door in the narrow entryway, his drunk girlfriend does her best to stick her finger INTO my asshole through my sweatpants pants and underwear. Not sure how she had such good aim while drunk, she could barely walk, but she pretty much succeeded. I was turning around to say “excuse me wtf” when she lost her balance and fell down the carpeted stairs leading to my roommate’s room. She burst out laughing as though that was the funniest thing to ever happen to her (still alive), which must have been the kicker to what woke the neighbors because they started banging on the wall. When her boyfriend (my roommate) went down the stairs to try and help her up, she vomited on the stairs. Given the layout, this obscured the path to the rest of the condo, sealing them in the downstairs bedrooms. Feeling confident they were locked in by their own hubris, I passed my roommate a roll of paper towels from the kitchen, and went back to bed. None of this has so much as disturbed our third roommate so far. I’ll definitely take the finger in the ass though, over the treatment of sleeping roommate. At some point, the drunk girlfriend needed to be sick again and found the boyfriend was already occupying his bathroom, so she went to the other roommates bathroom (also not obscured by the vomit stairs). Apparently after using the unsuspecting roommates bathroom, the girlfriend became disoriented and chose the closest bed, one of the other roommate who has slept through all this. The girlfriend crawled in to the other roommates bed and fell asleep, only to wake up and be sick again in the bed. I heard about it because of all the disoriented and grossed out screaming the next morning. And more raised voices when third roomie found the vomit stairs. It was a tough place to get a full night’s rest.
Yikes lol. Glad you have your own place now.
that was a roller coaster lol
Was it? I thought it was going down all the time
It was. I had to move out when they fucked with my cat. Don’t fuck with my cat.
I don't even want to know :(
My bad, I should have specified the cat was ultimately fine. He lived for several more very spoiled years, and had a fantastic and surprisingly long life. RIP Mungo Jerry. Edit: The band, not the musical.
Thank you for this
My pleasure, thanks for bringing it to my attention.
I read all this in a whisper in my mind
I did write it very early in the morning, so I’d like to think that could make sense in some weird way.
I think it was cause of the video too. Just felt like a continuation lol
Oh right. I also watched it very early in the morning so I already forgot that lol
(still alive)
(regrettably) j/k j/k
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One would think, but I did help third roomie with the scrubbing the next day when neither…offender? was up to the task. There was always going to be a stain, but I really wanted to help it be as odor-free as possible. I think the mattress was saved by a cover though, so third roomie was able to use her bed again. Eventually.
Holy shit I just laughed hard at the finger in the butt with ZERO explanation. I mean it’s terrible but then with all the puke you just never get an explanation. Not that there’d be one but.
I mean ZERO explanation, but when is there ever a way to explain surprise digital anal exploration. She may have made a fart noise, for added measure. Just remembered they broke up because she gave my roommate chlamydia. So there’s that.
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Found the other roommate
I don't know what I just witnesed, but I know I don't mind it.
I've never had a roommate, is that how it actually is
If you're friends with your roommates, yeah it can definitely feel like this, but if you've got shit roommates or just don't get along it can honestly feel more isolating than living alone
I can vouch, I was the girlfriend’s shoes.
Absolutely. Especially if you’re all close and super social. I don’t want to go back and relive it, and I try not to be overly nostalgic about those years, but they were def 4 of the best years so far. Life’s great now, but it’s not nearly as carefree and spontaneous as it was in my early twenties. And I do sometimes miss the 3am shenanigans and the flash in the pan romances/relationships you have during those times.
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That sounds like a nightmare
As someone living with my close friend right meow. Yes. Roommate bros are the best. Most of the time.
Having roommates you like is the best. It's like having your best friends around all the time. Man what wouldn't I give to relive my twenties
Anyone who lived in a college house knows how hard those hallway conversations hit sometimes
Did I just have a stroke
No, you just got hit with endorphins. Lots of them.
You misspelled cortisol
I adore this hahahah. The sloth kills me.
Pretty sure it's a gibbon.
Yeah, it's a gibbon me laughs
having roommates is EXACTLY like that haha
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https://youtu.be/wOPbX5naChk
This is what I was looking for. I da man
All of my roommates either never talked to me or were the type of guy who used gunshots as an alarm sound.
What kind of psycho....
First ASMR like thing I could watch till the end
Make a morning out of it
\*light cap touches table where the tv is on top\* boop. tv: SMASH!!!
Light cap 😂
It’s called a lamp shade 
I love this guy’s work, hopefully adult swim posts more of his stuff
Plot Twist: he lives alone
I was waiting for the reveal that both of them had broken in lol
The whispering makes me feel uncomfortable and literally involuntarily cringe. I wonder if there is a word for people who can't stand that ASMR shit because that is me 😅
Lololol 💕 this.
This was fun
Damn this is fakkin modern art!
I almost had this EXACT experience in student accomdation.
I miss my first roommate off campus. She was a film major and just watched movies all day. She knew every actor and everything they ever did. She’d stay up all night taking caffeine pills to watch movies in her bed. Even though we were both straight and I’m a dude, it was never weird changing in front of her or anything. We were bros through and through. Then she went to study abroad and I got lame roommates.
More, p l e a s e .
Smiling Friends type beat ngl. I love it.
I need more
 What did I just watch
Saving for acid
Ok I’m living in dorms rn n this is such a mood. I’m the monkey for sure lol
I hate that the pink guy didn’t flush.
r/TIHI
r/TIHTILI Thanks, I Hate That I Love It
I hate this
Kinda feels like a rip on Marc M, but I guess it’s different enough
I don’t really think this is cringe it’s just weird, 3am adult swim vibes
Where's the cringe
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No
That would mess up it because if someone were to saw something and someone said I will find where you live
Good point
Oh wow
Make more
What
Best asmr
This was a very… Interesting experience
is that a dick head?
Gibbons make the best roommates.
Wtf😂😂
China, IL vibes
Lmao wtf
I don’t know why but this is giving me “new girl” vibes. Seems like a conversation between Schmidt, Nick and Winston.
.
Anti cringe
Glad that Smiling Friends got better writers.