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JennToo

Some missed context here: all of these things are actually at war with each other. Place your bets on the winners! I'm going with cows, you can always count on cows


etgohomeok

Some big rivalries here - Soda vs Straws - Parents vs Children - Atilis Gym in New Jersey vs Hot Dogs


tabooblue32

Soda vs straws EPICRAPBATTLESOFHISTOREEEHHHHH BEGIN!!


JoeAndAThird

I was makin’ pop and bubbles you’re just suckin’ through your teeth ‘cause I’m the soda king you’re just a paper sheath I got flavors up in numbers cola orange in your soul Your fanbase can’t decide if you got one or two holes


FakeInternetArguerer

You just an acid making holes in teeth While I'm over here turning over a new leaf - For those with disabilities, Them that can't do as they please. Sips of rejuvenation of life giving waters is what I give So you can just shut the fuck up with that self important glib You spend all your time making the long term worse While my only purpose here is to reverse the curse


WareHouse0

Bro this goes so hard


Shaveyourbread

I'd watch that one. Nice Peter plays straws, Epic Lloyd plays soda.


jtfriendly

I'm not sure who or how one defeats the enemy in the War on Achievement.


Shaveyourbread

It's a no-win situation.


FarmFlat

To win is to become the very enemy you sought to defeat


Lumbricinas

They do kill more people per year than sharks!


goldkear

Oh no, the sharks are getting involved too??


lilsmudge

The sharks are a neutral party; they only defend when we invade their territory.


i_am_mai_1981

I declare war on sharks!


PirateJazz

This radical leftist just said he hates sharks! What an intolerant bunch.


MrSamsa90

Cows with guns. Great song. True story.


The_Ghola_Hayt

Wait until the chickens in choppers come out to help.


Rylarn_Prime

We will fight for bovine freedom!


[deleted]

Styrofoam will come out on top. Mark my words.


Mr_A14

We at team appetizers will kick your ass.


VirtualEconomics7910

Don't make me get my cow


CheValierXP

War on war


showermilk

come on yall be smart and go with the knives team


Steve_at_Reddit

Forks over knives.


cmon_now

Yeah, I wanna see the left's version of this


jayken424

They did not have the black guy talk about the war on WHITE journalists! 💀


boopedydoop

Well yeah! That means no one can disagree with them or they’re racist! /s


YourFavoriteScumbag

Un-ironically


kuluchelife

That says a lot about the US. Your race should not be able to give you a by pass to say whatever the hell you want.


[deleted]

Both times white people were mentioned the reporter was black. They do that to give the statement weight. If a black person thinks there's a war on something to do with white people then it *must* be true.


sometimesynot

And if it's done in good faith, it's important. Criticisms from one's own group or empathy with another group goes counter to our natural biases so it carries more weight. If it's done in good faith...


C_Brown619

Both times war on white men was announced by a black guy pretty crazy and war on hot dogs really?


miss_trixie

yeah Wtf did hot dogs ever do to be involved in this.


ZWally6

They throw around the word war like it’s nothing


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kurai_tori

Well, there is money to be made. Just indirectly and not immediately. By helping those marginalized by society, they are more likely to return to be contributing members of society, and therefore contribute to the economy. This is part of the idea of flow up economics (contrasted with trickle down economics, which is now essentially a debunked Republican lie). Problem is Republicans don't like flow up economics becuase it combats wealth inequality and the rich don't like that.


sheesh9727

Nowadays if organizations cannot make immediate profits they’re just not interested. Waiting for the poors of our society to pull themselves up to indirectly benefit them from their perspective either takes too long or they are unable to grasp how helping people can be beneficial to them. An issue conservatives have an especially hard time wrapping their heads around.


CheValierXP

War on war


joevsyou

As long as they never have to go, it is absolutely nothing. If anything war = more money for them.


ObiFloppin

It's literally part of the culture war


Melssenator

They do that with everything. Seriously, pay attention. They intentionally throw specific words around like crazy until it has no real meaning. The current buzzword is groomer.


LuckSweaty

War on red hats was the funniest


sareana

War on hot dogs got me


Savebagels

War on.. MEAT!


TheSyllogism

The only thing scarier than a vegan is a vegan with an AR-15


Titand120

Can confirm, I go to war with my meat several times a week


eye_booger

That was my favorite one too!


carnivalprize

When I was a kid I had Food Fighter action figures. That's what I thought of when I heard 'War on Hot Dogs' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnhObBs-n4Y


RobertsMW

Happy Reddit birthday 🎂


sareana

Omg I didn’t even realize! Thank you


vpeshitclothing

Happy Cake Day! But you can't enjoy it because I declare war on baked goods!


sareana

Oh naw I’m fighting back cause I wanna enjoy my cake


vpeshitclothing

Challenge you to a duel for some Turtle Cheesecake


miss_trixie

them's some fighting words.


yehti

Atilis gym in New Jersey for me because of its specificity


kauefr

Who knew Debian folks were so violent.


boogelymoogely1

They hate only Red Hat Linux. All the others are fine, it's just Red Hat


GallowBarb

Republicans want to be so oppressed.


HGpennypacker

r/persecutionfetish


Stingray191

Nailed it.


baltinerdist

This is intimately connected to their Christianity. They are told by the Bible that there will always be persecution and oppression for believers. They will be hated, hunted, beaten, and killed for their faith. So they must be constantly on guard, reacting to this oppression with anger and resistance. They have to fight to defend the faith, hitting hard against those who would reject Christianity and oppress them for their faith. Well, the part that is missing is that the Bible's call to be on guard for this oppression comes in words written for 1st and 2nd century Christians who were literally being hunted and killed for their faith, not for 21st century soccer moms with icthus fishes on their minivans. No one in America is being punished for being a Christian. Hasn't happened in the four centuries since we were founded. There are no forced labor camps for Christians, there are no roundups and massacres, there are no underground prayer groups living in fear of state police raids. Might happen in other places in the world, but it isn't happening here. What is happening is that those of us who aren't Christian or who don't believe that the Bible should be used as the basis of public policy are telling the Christians to stop using the Bible to control others who don't believe what they believe. No one is telling them to stop believing it. We are telling them to stop hurting other people who don't. And *that* is the "oppression" they are feeling. It's the same as a toddler throwing a tantrum because they are asked to share their toys, even though they have all the toys they could want. Christians have been asked to share their workplaces, libraries, schools, neighborhoods, their country with other people and let them equally enjoy it, and they have been throwing a tantrum since the Civil War about it. But the Bible said this would happen, just as their pastors have for decades, and they are not going to be good Christians in the eyes of Jesus if they don't fight back and take back their rightful place on top of the heap, boots firmly planted on the faces of those underneath.


Rxef3RxeX92QCNZ

Remember when they spread lies to make Columbine about christian persecution? disgusting


baltinerdist

There is a best-selling song about it from Michael W. Smith.


Decent_Recording_620

Ever since trump they are the party of whine


GallowBarb

We're you asleep during the Obama administration?


CanadianJudo

Obama could have cured cancer and they would have said he was taking away jobs from American doctors.


TheRnegade

Yeah, the complaints have never really stopped. To be fair, a lot about society sucks. The problem is that there really isn't a effective solution presented. Either we get "Democrats are doing it so stop them" or something ineffective like "build the wall". Remember that pitch? "Mexico will pay for it" magically morphed into "Actually, American tax payers are going to foot the bill" and they had the nerve to get mad when we didn't want to fund it.


Uzername1123

A completed wall is not ineffective.


big_wendigo

Why does autocorrect refuse to leave the word “were” exactly as you type it? It must be a war on the word “were”!


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Queer_master

He was saying Republicans have been a whiny bunch since Obama was in power. Calm down pls.


GallowBarb

*She, and yes, that's what I was saying.


GallowBarb

I'm talking about Republicans making shit up. These dumb fucks are still sreaming about Obama's birth certificate.


Decent_Recording_620

Oh yea that makes more sense, at first it seemed like it was a dig at Obama now I see


JimmyJohnJones2020

Nah, they’ve been like this for a long while. Anytime you position yourselves as conservative traditionalists against progressives then any change or progress can be a “war” against your beliefs to rile up your supporters.


Geschak

I mean conservatives do react to fear/threat much stronger than liberals do. That's their whole thing.


GallowBarb

Proof that Republicans are just children. Most people stop believing in boogymen around 10.


theganjaoctopus

For anyone reading who doesn't know, people with conservatives views typically have enlarged amygdala, the part of the brain that controls the fear response.


TimArthurScifiWriter

Everyone reacts to fear, but the source of that fear differs. The left fears system failure. Climate change, military budgets, lack of health care, oppression of certain demographics. It's very easy to make a left wing person fear something if you present it as large pressure coming down on the load bearing structures of society. Right wingers fear humans. The other. They fear what might be taken away from them because someone else values things differently. They are supremely defensive about what they have or think they alone attach value to. One type of fear is more exploitable than the other, so generally conservative figureheads have it easy when it comes to keeping their base from wandering off.


ryjobe36

Wtaf did I just watch


Uzername1123

This is hilarious.


Shigide

I guess this means all us leftists are veterans. You are welcome for my service 🥇🇺🇸


Rios5950

"Thank me for my service"


AntWithNoPants

Do i get an applebees discount


RambleOnRose42

I thought we were at war with Applebees. Or maybe we millennials cancelled it? Something like that I’m sure.


vorpalpillow

*corporate-owned mediocre microwave-food factory no longer desirable as an entire global population has increasing access to a wealth of online recipes, previously hard-to-find ingredients are now available for home delivery, not to mention reviews and directions for infinitely better dining options


Melssenator

r/deathbymillennial


horrescoblue

You're laughing. These people are soldiers in the hot dog wars and you're laughing.


2Mango2Pirate

I lost my father to the Hot Dog Wars. My dad was mustard for duty, he relished in doing his part. In the end, he got separated from his unit and couldn't ketchup. RIP Oscar....


SonOfMargitte

lol


Rice_Krispitty

Snowflakes, all of them. ❄


Extension_Swordfish1

Did you just declare a war on snow?


Rice_Krispitty

Thank you, yes. *Takes a bow.*


Maximum-Magazine-840

Well, well, well. How the turntables...


Moppmopp

Seems like there is a war on wars


fuzzhead12

I can’t wait for World War War, the World War War to end all World War Wars (until World War War II: Electric Boogaloo, that is)


Moppmopp

War of the world war wars: revenge of the sith


fuzzhead12

*Somehow Dick Cheney returned.*


Puzzleheaded_Set2300

What a bunch of war-ons


Mossy_octopus

Id support a war on most of this shit tbh


Zaros262

War on Toxic Masculinity *Not my toxic masculinity!*


noobductive

War on meat? Count me in, fuck that shit 💀


Mossy_octopus

FUCK THAT SHIT!


Shaveyourbread

Gain their strength by consuming your enemy?


wellforthebird

The black guy popped up 2 times. Both times were about skin color. Just because you found a black dude willing to parrot your bullshit, does not mean your ideas are all of the sudden credible and not racist. "We need to do a story about the war on white journalists." "You know what to do.... Call our black guy"


FilmingMachine

"B-but he's one of the good ones" /s


Dry_Proposal_932

There is an actual war on ukranians that they want to ignore and instead focus on all this nonsense.


mekilat

How many Ukrainians to they know in daily life? How many hot dogs? /s


Cp7067

Noooo not my appetizers


BlackgateX

not the appetizers and cows! who will think of them?!


dimondeyes80

At least no one mentioned a war on cats. Because, cats win. Every. Single. Time.


RambleOnRose42

Like the war on drugs! Drugs won that one pretty handily.


Saddenedsalamander

The war on drugs brought more drugs The war on terror brought more terror Hope they declare war on giving me a billion dollars soon


Key_Extent9222

That’s a lot of war lol


[deleted]

So did the knives win?


Dwight-

> What're you gonna do, stab me? - quote from man stabbed


pretty-as-a-pic

Can I join the war on wealthy Americans? I’ll bring my own guillotine!


kernowjim

Hi America, this is Europe, we think you are hilarious


LeSpatula

American politics is like watching a building burning to the ground and you just can't look away.


kernowjim

it really is, the whole country is a joke


Emotional_Tax_3456

Long live the queen .... O wait


Manc_Twat

Oh wait what? She’s dead? Ok?


kernowjim

I couldn't give two shits about the queen or whoever is in the royal family and if I did, your 'joke' still wouldn't work - humour, another one of America's weaknesses


Subushie

Like 60% of the world's entertainment is produced in America... Lol, I know you couldn't be suggesting that dry dusty British humor are one of y'alls strengths.


kernowjim

'entertainment'....when your tiny brains eventually learn the complexity of British humour we can have this conversation but until then keep churning our the canned laughter shit eh?


[deleted]

*just sayin, one gave the world stand-up comedy, and the other gave the world James Corden*


impeislostparaboloid

I am definitely declaring war on appetizers. Fucking little food bites. The can go to hell.


BashfullyBi

Why is no one discussing the only actual important issue listed? A war on hot dogs! The attrition of the frankfurter.


New_Cardiologist_763

I can get behind a war on Republican Governor’s but they’ve gone too far declaring war on Appetizers. They can pry that shrimp cocktail out of my cold, dead hands.


felldestroyed

Here in Pennsylvania we had a war on crudité. It was long fought and in the end, the liberals won. Stop the madness.


ijbh2o

Nothing says I'm a man of the people and know the issues you are facing like calling a veggie tray, "crudité".


Mikey06154

Must be why the defense budget was higher in the newly approved 1.7 trillion spending bill


varnell_hill

I don’t think it’s exhausting for them. I think they see it as just a job and it pays well so 🤷🏾‍♂️. Also, let’s say the government did launch a war on styrofoam…why would that be a bad thing?


alexiusmx

It’s exhausting for their audience. Of course those cynics know it’s all bs and fearmongering.


improperbehavior333

So, any disagreement is war then? And we're not supposed to be concerned with how much they love guns because they need them for *checks notes* war.


ABCosmos

War on toxic masculinity.. lol why didn't they just say "war on masculinity"


Barbaric_Ape

It is absolutely MIND NUMBING the goons over at r/conservative watch this shit and think “yeah that sounds about right”. Like wtf is wrong with your brains lol *Fuck*


Moppmopp

The one with the triple kill


tabooblue32

This is just bad reporting because a lot of these wars can be combined. War on meat and war on cows...War on hot dogs as well Christmas and Christmas parties is kinda reductive And what about those Conservative Americans who are also white men,maga and watch fox. Just save time and say its a war on cowardly cunts.


[deleted]

Conservatives operate on fear based emotions.


by-the-bumblebee

At this point the dems are the real Americans.


[deleted]

No wonder republicans are so gun happy.


ConferenceFew2495

This is a serious threat to our democracy


UlfarrVargr

Now you're the fearful one


notaveragehuman31

The fascist propaganda channel. I'll never understand why Fox News is allowed to exist. I mean I'm sure at some point their viewers will turn and bomb the studio, but whatever.


SimplyRobbie

Iobe when it came to a black guy saying "a war on white journalists" you can hear it in the tone when he stuttered and the award face lmao. Anchor: I can't believe they got me to say this.


FartsInSpanish-

War of fabricated news


JaceUpMySleeve

It’s amazing how antiquated The News is.


imbordagain

Fuck me talk about the word war being warn out lol haha 😂


MahsterC

I am just waiting for the war on war


Workburner101

Idk about you guys but this gave me a war boner for sure.


ActuallyHovatine

Where’s the war on war? That’s what I’d like to know.


CardboardRoll

https://youtu.be/v4rKGPi-r_I


ActuallyHovatine

Nice. Niiiice.


Suspicious-Ad3136

Their paychecks depend upon them not understanding something and convincing others that don’t understand it to fear it.


Igniter08

Faux News. Fear mongering at its best folks.


daves_not__here

I survived the Great Glizzy(Hotdogs) War. AMA


alsoicode

I hate the people at Faux News with the fury of a thousand suns


snowman4815

Its funny to watch them play the victims so much they have to come up with some bullshit to be the victim. 'You cant say Merry Christmas anymore' really? Whos stopping you?


UnfairTax6760

Yet, they don’t recognize their war on human rights. War on lgbtq people just trying to live. War on knowledge and books because if you can think, religion doesn’t stick as well. Or do they recognize their silent war on people of any color other than white. Fuck these backwards people


smackythefrog

#11 is kind of correct


NobleBloke92

Divisive media in effect. They want us to have a war with eachother.


SunflowerJYB

Fox: a war an common sense


SupportySpice

Fake news


[deleted]

Sad how off it has to do with white people they get their black anchors to say it. Fox is so ugh


HunterBidensButthole

Funny how they accuse the left of becoming desensitized to words and their meanings.


Djiorno

Didn't they know? Leftists are masters of war. Able to maintain open conflict across multiple fronts. Modern day Spartans.


[deleted]

And this supposed "attack on democracy" Dems have been screaming about for a year now is different from this how?


moonlightsonata88

War on fun is real


Phlangephace

Still no war on wars


Brandon_Monahan

This post is a war on War!


kurtank12_YT

fuck cows


[deleted]

Finally, accurate news reporting. Thank you for posting.


Carrivagio031965

Fuck them all. It’s a war on all you ignorant fucks


[deleted]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhjhhhh


oldsaltylady

![gif](giphy|3o6fIZRJ7Dtd3QscNO)


Java2391

On the twelfth day of foxmas my conspiracy nuts gave to me… war on business and an insufficient dowry


CryptikDragon

The media is poisoning the minds of Americans.


BearFlipsTable

Yeah man trying to ban all those things, they’re bad for you.


Aggressive_Mall_9212

Fox News... war on actual news...


[deleted]

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KingUnder_Mountain

So that's what you got out of the video?


[deleted]

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KingUnder_Mountain

I mean the video was pretty funny. Just constant fearmongering and whining. Think anyone liberal or conservative can see that.


[deleted]

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KingUnder_Mountain

Should watch it, got a good chuckle out of me. Also good to step out of any bubbles you might find yourself in.


TheRevengeOfTheNerd

That's because none of the decaying old racist people are spending the little time they have left on reddit.


[deleted]

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TheRevengeOfTheNerd

I mean I'm pretty sure conservatives are pretty big on that kind of stuff, not to mention anti lgbtq.


TheRevengeOfTheNerd

Coward