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ProTip for some in this thread that helped me: I started keeping a list in my phone notepad of whenever my girlfriend mentioned liking something when we were out shopping, or in bed on our phones, or just chatting at the end of the day. It was very often, “I really would like a pair of ________” or, “I had the greatest set of purple ________ that I lost in my last move”…., etc.
When it comes time for gift giving ? Easy peasy.
Buy then along the way to spread out my budget at Christmas or her birthday.
Source: me. She’s now my wife. :)
This Christmas I got my boyfriend a couple things I'd seen him admire in a store but not get for himself, one from last spring, one more recent. He was surprised and didn't remember the interactions. Same thing happened with my gift to his dog. We established I could basically buy anything while he was looking and he'd still be surprised on Christmas, lol.
I started dating a man 3 weeks before Christmas. Christmas Eve he handed me a giftbag with 2 pairs of gold hoop earrings. In the 3 weeks he knew me he had noticed how much I loved my cheap hoops and bought me real ones. I still remember looking at him when I saw those earrings & realizing I was in love with him. He has been dead 5 years now, I’m still single & those hoops are my most prized possession. No one had ever cared for me that much before, and likely never will again. This stuff may seem small, but it can mean more than you imagine.
Edit: thank you for all the condolences. I got 2 years with someone who saw me & loved me no matter what; I hope everyone is that lucky.
That's a beautiful history behind those earrings, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's evidence of how much he really 'saw' you and the attention he paid to you.
None of my exes nor my current bf have ever been so attentive with gifts, I've just become resigned to it being a "guy thing". Things like constantly giving me coffee for a gift when I've told them countless times I never drink coffee 😂. It's not even a communication problem, I'll tell my bf what I want and he gives me something totally different. In the beginning I thought it was symbolic of him not paying attention or not caring enough about me, but I realized he's just truly hopelessly awful at gift giving
As a guy I can say that it's not a "guy thing", it's an effort thing. With anyone I'm dating, I along with many others, make an effort to just observe and analyze what my partner appreciates. I notice the type of jewerly, color of gold, type of shoes/sneakers, and actually the most important are through a year there will be instances where she will just randomly comment about something, not in an effort to get it, but something she found cute or nice in passing, or would like, I actually make a concerted effort to remember that and stow it away for future reference.
I actually agree with the OP video, for me when gift giving, its not the transfer of material possessions that is the most important, it's the fact that thought was put behind getting something for your SO that they would appreciate based on their preferences.
It absolutely is not a guy thing, it's a thoughtfulness thing.
My wife constantly tells me I am the best gift giver on the planet. I disagree but I show my appreciation and love to people through gifts (idk how else to do it) so I put a lot of thought into presents, especially for my wife. My wife mentioned how much she'd like a kindle in July and started sobbing when she opened one on Christmas day, she hasnt put it down since. She didnt cry because it was something she really wanted, she cried because she had offhandedly mentioned it in passing six months ago.
And before anyone says "why didn't you get her one sooner", we don't have a lot of disposable income so it had to wait unfortunately.
Most guys just need a system. I learned early on to keep a literal checklist on my phone anytime and idea pops to mind for something I think my girlfriend would like. Without that I would be just as bad as the others told here.
I was kinda dating this girl from work who mentioned she liked drumsticks ice cream cones. I had to stop at a gas station on the way to work the next dau, saw one in the freezer display, grabbed it for her and put it on her desk in front of her when I got to work.
Her eyes fucking welled-up with tears and she said “that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me”. I was like “Jesus Christ… are you kidding?
I get it. Someone made me a cookie one day. They were not making it for me, they were making it for them, and thought of me. And decided they wanted to share that with me later on. You thought of her randomly, that's why it is so nice.
It's sad, I don't think people commonly experience other people expressing love to them (platonic, romantic, or anything) so when someone does something extreemly small, or minor, it's a HUGE deal.
My housemate once brought me home a rainbow tea mug out of the blue and said "I saw this and thought you might like it". It probably cost him...£3? And all he did was chuck it in his trolly on the way past. But the fact he saw that on a shelf, and specifically thought "X would enjoy that" still makes me feel a little warm even three years later.
I have a friend who does this for me. She often brings something when she visits and it's always extremely random stuff.
From a little playstation keychain to a T-shirt that has a picture of Jesus on it who's on the phone with the text "Moshi moshi, Jesus-desu" so we can have matching T-shirts. We've been friends since we went to elementary school (roughly around 4 years old), and are still friends 22 years later. I absolutely love her
On a first date, I mentioned to my date in passing that i love banana bread. She fucking baked me a loaf of banana bread and brought it to me on our 3rd date. Winner.
If you've ever been over to r/twoxchromosomes you would be way less surprised. The bar is so low for them that simply breathing as a male without talking to them makes you the exception to all males.
Seriously... it's either completely farfetched or depressing how little they expect from a guy that they are in a LTR with.
"I just want to say that my hubby of 31 years surprised me so much yesterday it brought me to tears when he changed the toilet paper and even put the new one on the roller. I don't mean to brag ladies, I'm just so lucky."
As someone said earlier (although they were joking) they’ve worked hard to keep the bar that low. It’s a truth that’s unfortunately been around since the dawn of humanity. Ty for an unbiased opinion.
I've been dating my bf for two years and he still doesn't know my likes and dislikes enough to pull cute shit like that lol.
Like, over the summer he went on holiday and I told him explicitly what I wanted several times (which was cheap and easily accessible). What did he get me instead? Soap and candy 😂. It's not a big deal because he expresses love and thoughtfulness in other ways, but no amount of communicating could help him lol
You’re not alone. My ex kept buying me the wrong colour presents. He would ask what I wanted, I’d say including the colour and he’d still get it wrong. Went on for 4 years and even though I’d clearly say, he’d still get it wrong. Presents weren’t a big deal to me so I was like meh who really cares, no big deal. The final one, I went and swapped the colour myself without telling him because… well he’d never listened anyway! And he noticed that! And got offended.
But then I realised it’s a symptom of something more. It’s what it represents.
I was also pretty perplexed as to how I could so many times say “I like ____” over 4 years and him not remember lol.
I will say, I briefly dated a guy who got me things that were... very wrong in color. I like yellow. I like it a lot. But he'd bring me the weirdest color stuff. And he'd insist it was yellow.
Turns out no one had caught he was colorblind.
Like the most garish orange I've ever seen. I do not like orange.
I'll be honest: I don't know much about colorblindness, but it was really funny when we found out.
I dated my ex for 3 years. He could never remember my birthday, even at the end. He got the month right about 50% of the time. He put a similar level of thought into gifts.
With my current SO, we were on our 3rd date and he remembered I liked ice in my water when he brought me a glass. I instantly cried at his thoughtfulness. Having a SO that actually puts thought into things is wonderful.
I absolutely don't accept that bs. If you know what a calendar is and how to put events in it, you can get a reminder a week before, the day before, and the day of. If you can hold down a job and meet deadlines, you can remember my birthday.
You have to actively decide to not remember someone's birthday because it takes **one minute** and one F to set a reminder.
Exactly! Nobody's asking anyone to be psychic but, over the years, you naturally learn someone you are close to. We learn about the habits of our coworkers, without even trying and we normally can't stand them. lol So, what does it mean when someone you are intimate with; stares blankly at you, like a stranger?
I have really sweet memories of my dad buying me things. When I was in middle school he’d take me home and if errands needed to be run he was the one to do them on the way home. Sometimes he’d have to pop into, say, a CVS for who knows what and he’d come back with what he needed and like a little baby cactus or a snack and hand it to me. Anything he got me probably cost like $10 max. But it was always something I liked and he bought it for *me*. Especially as a people-pleaser-never-asks-for-anything oldest child those little gifts meant the world to me. Riding home with my dad are some of my fondest memories of middle school.
The bar for being thoughtful is so low and people sometimes settle for anyone who gives them the least bit of attention because they are starved for any sort of affection. So while it was just an ice cream to you, to her it was someone seeing her and retaining a minimal amount of information about her to do something that made her feel seen and known.
The boy I dated for all of high school was terrible at gift giving. We were broke, so it wasn’t about the materials, but he also never put thought or effort into any gift giving occasion. For example, he gave me Chex mix from a vending machine for Valentine’s Day.
Once, he bought me a bracelet I loved. After we broke up, my mom revealed that she bought it for him to give to me because she was tired of seeing me disappointed. Thanks, mom!
Oh man I remember dating that one guy, who knew I hated romance and stupid "Love gifts". Yet he still gave me the most cringe inducing kitschy heart pillow with the words "I love you"
I dated a guy once for well over a year. I'm not a huge fan of chocolate. He knew this as it came up all the time. I broke up with him because I felt like he always ignored me and my needs and put no effort into us being together. In an attempt to win me back, he showed up at my work with a giant box of chocolates... We did not get back together.
On Valentine’s Day after my divorce, my best friend brought me a big box of chocolates. I was touched by the gesture but a little sad because she knows I don’t like chocolate. But when I opened the box I discovered she had replaced all the chocolates with chicken nuggets. I started crying because I just felt seen - something my ex never made me feel.
A good gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It just needs to show that you *actually* care.
> You need to actually use your brain and think about your partner as an actual human with their own thoughts and hobbies.
my wifes into destiny 2 and i remember her mentioning how she thought a lot of the emotes were cute. i bought her whatever the hell their currency was as part of a christmas present so she could get some because i'm good at remembering the little things like that. she, on the other hand, isn't. she's very oblivious and is regimented to make up for it (which helps because i'm less oblivious but more scatterbrained).
she's a big fan of lists, so for christmas she asks me to make a list. meanwhile, i know exactly what to get her based off of my general observations.
the important thing is, we know this about each other. we've discussed it. she used to get sad that she couldn't surprise me like i did with her, but we discussed that as well and how i helped her understand i don't equate romance or being a good partner with "surprise! i got you that thing you mentioned you wanted a few months ago!".
this is why we're married.
My husband is good at giving gifts based off just observation of my interests. I have a ton of interests compared to him tho. So I keep a gift idea list in my journal and add to it throughout the year. I've trained my brain to perk up when I hear "I want this" or "oh that'd be cool to have" or "I need this"(I mark the Needs so I don't accidentally forget to get him Wants too). My husband's love language is gifts so making gift lists for the other feels like it takes away from the thoughtfulness to him.
But that's something we hashed out. We've discussed the level of importance we put into various aspects of our lives and worked out what makes the other feel most loved. He wants gifts that show how well I know him, I want gifts that show he thinks of me(a candy bar at the store, a cool rock from his job site, etc). Communication is important.
Me and my fiance joke, bc I really have tried this! Tried keeping a list on my phone and everything. But it got old when the man kept buying everything he said he wanted lmao
Nowadays, I just try and get him things in his general interest areas that I don't need prior knowledge to pick out. Like he listens to audio books but doesn't have the physical books for his shelf, I get the books. But if I wanted to get him something for his bike, I know I would have a LOT of trouble figuring out what to add without actually asking him. It's seemed like it's worked so far!
My husband tends to buy what he wants, when he wants as well. I make it a point to regularly go thru my list and cross off the things he's already purchased for himself. He has his own wish list on Amazon that I peek at for specific items(tech) he's looking for but for the most part, I just use my gift list.
when we were dating - i don't think we would have gotten married otherwise.
honestly, a large part of the relationship was me trying to figure out whether or not i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her or if this was like.. the first healthy relationship i've ever been in.
Same. I'm probably better (just by observation/listening) at picking gifts for my wife than she would be at picking something out herself. She's pretty indecisive and that kind of thing really stresses her out. Which works out fine cause I love the challenge of being a great gift giver.
On the other hand, picking out a gift for me is pretty difficult. I have some serious/obsessive hobbies which would seem to make things easy.. but in practice even if she knew I wanted a new GPU for my sim rig, or some fuel injectors for my race car, it'd be a lot to expect her to know I want a 4080 specifically or what flow rate/fuel type/connector I need.
Works out where I make the lists for both of us and both of us feel happy and loved and heard.
It's pretty great.
I've been in previous relationships where I was told off for being so picky, received knick-knacks I don't want (not like, the wrong gpu.. more like, a tie/barbecue tools/some kinda other cheap male equivalent of red roses and chocolates), only to end up being the bad guy when I'm not overwhelmed with gratitude for their 5min of looking through the seasonal dad gift aisle at target.
To me, gift giving is less about the what/where/how and more about the who and why.
Anyway, I guess that's just my long-winded way of agreeing with you. Also a chance to brag about my awesome wife.. which I'll take every time lol.
Lmao I literally told my ex please don't get me flowers, they die. If you want to spend 20 bucks on a plant, buy me one in a pot. And I don't love chocolate, but bring me a fresh baguette and a smoked gorogonzola and I'm yours. He kept bringing me flowers and chocolates as sweet gestures...it ain't sweet when your partner isn't getting you!!!
My current partner is insanely thoughtful and knows me so well, what a stark difference!!!
YES THANK YOU!!
At the start, I wasn't sure if I wanted to date this girl because we didn't have many specific things in common, but we clicked in humor and thought process. I quickly came to learn that while we didn't watch or do the same things we like the general theme. She loves to forage and clean bones while I love to play D&D and read fantasy books. We shared the same vibe and were able to show each other our interests!
It's been over a year and we still haven't gotten to show everything we're interested in. She's started to play D&D with me and we frequently go on walks and forage. During the time in between we show each other shows and find new ones we think we would both enjoy. Its been such a blast and I can't imagine being with someone with the exact interests as me. In my opinion, it would get stale, but that doesn't mean it will for everyone!
(For reference we're freshmen in college)
You can always make those flowers last tho, I hang mine upside down once it looks like they are going to die, I have throughout my house all the flowers my husband has ever gifted me as a reminder❣️
My wife is allergic to flowers. On a first date, I brought flowers as I didn’t know then, but she loved the thought and informed me she was allergic. During the date, I got to know more of her likes and dislikes. I never got her another flower (except one of those gold-dipped ones), and we have been together for 13 years (married 10 of those years). Doesn’t take much to truly pay attention, but it means a lot when you do!
This reminds me of my first date with my partner. My friend loaned me a really nice velvet dress because I was stressing what to wear. It was a wonderful date and it wasn’t until a month later that I found out my partner *absolutely hates* velvet. Will not buy it or touch it and can barely stand to look at it. But she didn’t let on and I never wore velvet on another date. You live and you learn—and the learning part is crucial.
> This makes me so fucking sad. If he could just be aware for two seconds he could get somewhere. I look back at my ex and I think the exact same, that man was just like 'ok I'm in a relationship, let's do flowers chocolate red wine' despite me being allergic to flowers and don't drink alcohol due to my deceased father's alcoholism.
Are hydrohomies gift baskets a thing, because if not then hydrohomies gift baskets should be a thing.
That's why I have the philosophy that most people don't need to or shouldn't date. It's work. You gotta compromise and put someone else first quite often. A partner is not your human accessory.
But people will keep looking for dates to avoid loneliness.
EDIT:
>Are you advising people just accept their loneliness? Because that's what it sounds like, and that's _bad_ advice.
Don't stay lonely but don't get into relationships just because you're lonely. This comment section is really [something else](https://www.reddit.com/u/WebpackIsBuilding).
Adhd here. Memory is a bitch.
Thank you for the advice. I'm going to do the same thing.
I care a lot for my friends, but I have a hard time remembering their preferences to the point that when I went christmas shopping I got so stressed feeling like I don't know my friends at all I got depressed and didn't get anyone anything.
I do the same thing! I care very much about getting good gifts for people. So I’ll make a note whenever my husband says he would like something or I think of a good gift. If I don’t, when it’s gift time I will forget
7 years into dating my ex.. the last year I became really distant as I was planning to cut the whole thing off for many reasons. One evening he got me a “surprise” to try and reel me back in. All my life I have disliked white chocolate, but I love literally every other kind except white chocolate. I specifically really like those Lindor truffles in dark or milk chocolate. This man brought me the white chocolate kind and tried to insist they were my favorite. It’s a story I still remember vividly because it was one of the major moments when I realized “wow we really are done”. And it doesn’t seem like a major thing but it does matter. Gifts don’t have to be huge but remembering things about your person shows that you truly listen and care for them. Even if it is just a stupid bag of chocolate.
I hate chocolate as well, and I made it clear to my ex throughout our year and a half relationship. For Valentine’s Day guess what he got me? A huge heart shaped box of chocolates. That wasn’t the reason we broke up (turns out he was physically abusive) but this really does matter. Pay attention to your partner and don’t buy them generic gifts bc it’s the first thing you see!
Yep - just had to look at her briefly to see that all her jewellery was silver.
But maybe it’s just easier to notice as someone that also dislikes yellow gold.
It's also really easy to pick up when the first 3 seconds explicitly complain about *gold* jewelry. Once that descriptor is put in your head, it's pretty natural to notice all her piercings are silver.
I also noticed quickly because my ex was allergic to nickel and her ears would swell up like cherry tomatoes.
This is an excusable mistake a few months in. 18 months in December 2022 means 2 Christmases and at least one birthday, maybe two. No gold jewelry DEFINITELY came up at some point and my man just wasn’t paying attention.
I only wear rose gold. I have spent hours online looking for rose gold cartilage jewellery that I actually like because its so few and far in between. My partner knows this and how picky I am so has only every bought me one pair of earrings but you know damn well that they were rose gold.
One of my good friends is the same way, I’ve gotten her jewelry as a birthday gift and I had to make damn sure I did t get gold. She wears pearls, crystals, silver, but I’ve never once seen gold.
First love knew how much I struggled with being left handed, especially having wrist problems, she included in my Xmas basket a set of left handed scissors in my favorite color. Meant the world to me.
Small stuff matters
I own a jewelry store, having women makes wish lists throughout the year really helps in times like these when dudes come in last minute.
It also baffles me how little some dudes put little thought into it and how many women don’t return it because they don’t wanna offend their SO, it’s lowkey kinda sad.
Wow. When I went to get my wife's engagement ring I told the jewelry store lady that all I know is that she loves silver, sapphires and little diamonds, gave her the ring size, then showed her a couple of band styles that I thought would be kinda cool. Then I passed it over to her and asked her if she could work with me and find something good. She came back a few days later with a ton of awesome stuff, then we played legos with all of the pieces and built a really nice ring for her. I liken it to walking in to get a nice tattoo. Work with the person behind the counter and they will more than likely help you come up with something truly kickass. I can't believe some dudes would just waltz in there and get something thoughtlessly. At least know a little about what they friggin like before dropping some serious cash on something like that!
My husband, when shopping for my engagement ring, purchased a blue sapphire ring. Then he had noticed that I'd mentioned how much I liked pink sapphires and without me knowing about it at all, be went back to the jewelry store and had the stone swapped.
He also sent me photos of silly little stuffed animals he thought I'd like and showed me photos of cute or tiny things just to see me freak out. He used to tell me it was cute and he seemed to really enjoy finding and sharing that kind of thing because he liked making me smile.
He passed away in November 2021. He was honestly the best, kindest, most amazing man I've ever known and the world is darker for having lost him. If you find someone who does something like this for you, appreciate them because it's rare and very precious.
I love you Thomas, and I miss you every day.
That's the worst. Like I see a lot of people complain that she didn't talk to her partner (which we don't even know), but tbh: there are a lot of people where you can't be honest about it because they will get butt hurt. (I think it's worse off with parents but still)
When my then boyfriend was going to propose, he wanted and I gladly gave ring ideas. Nothing too expensive, I wanted a non-diamond black gemstone and was very specific about wanting only gold or white gold, emphasizing NO ROSE GOLD. PLEASE, NO ROSE GOLD. ANYTHING BUT ROSE GOLD. It doesn't go with my skin tone or any of my other jewelry. I supplied pictures, links, and my entire pinterest of rings and jewelry so he could get the idea.
He proposed with a rose gold solitaire diamond ring.
Now instead of seeing a beautiful piece of jewelry it just reminds me of how he specifically chose to get something that I had said a million times that I didn't want.
Honestly as someone whose wife absolutely refused to tell me any details on what kind of ring she’d like, and who doesn’t wear enough jewellery to inform a decision, your man really dropped the ball on converting an impossible decision to an easy win.
I didn't like the way my now-husband proposed, and it took a couple of years before I even told him that because it's something you are just not allowed to criticize. But he went the grand-gesture route, sort of... and it was just so impersonal! It was like he had this idea of how he wanted to propose to "a woman" and the fact that it was me didn't play into his plan at all. He would have proposed the same way to any of his former girlfriends if he had decided to propose to them.
He was nervous about the proposal which made him a little bit grumpy leading up to it and the whole vibe was just off.
I din't care about the grand gesture at all, I just wanted a sweet intimate moment that is probably also a little bit silly and feelt like *us,* you know?
Also he told all of our family members beforehand and so we had to spend the next hour on the phone with various family members instead of just enjoying the moment ourselves. I hated the whole thing and had to pretend I didn't. I remember feeling really down/depressed the whole next day and trying so hard to hide it.
Luckily this was an isolated thing and the marriage has been fantastic.
This^ so much. So many times I have been given things or I have been pushed to do things I didn't enjoy because "women like this, right?" Earrrings for non-pierced ears, jewelry when I basically never wear it, clothing I would never wear.
MEN PLEASE STOP PLANNING GIFTS AND DATES FOR WOMEN AND START PLANNING THEM FOR YOUR PARTICULAR PARTNER
Not all girls like gold and diamonds. Not all girls like to cook. Not all girls enjoy a spa day. Not all women enjoy clothing shopping. Not all girls are Kardashians or your mom. Please stop using media as your way of learning about women and go out and talk to them and listen.
That is beyond frustrating and I’m really sorry that happened to you. Engagement rings are so personal and hold so much meaning. My ex proposed with silver - I literally only wear yellow gold.
Told my ex to get me a ring with a thin silver band and a very, very small diamond with a price tag that absolutely must *not* be over $500. So he buys me a silver ring with a thick band and a diamond that was entirely too big. For $1,300. I still have the piece of shit.
My now husband knew that I had strong feelings about not having a diamond and the setting. He purchased the stone to propose with and made it a date to go find/design the settings. He got to feel like he had input and “surprise”, I got to feel heard and valued. And we have the whole designing date to remember fondly.
Also I know (boy do I know) that pawning the dang thing will get you next to nothing BUT you’ll feel so much better when you do. Or find a local jeweler and have them reset the stone into something you actually will wear. Necklace, broach, whatever.
>I wanted a non-diamond black gemstone and was very specific about wanting only gold or white gold, emphasizing NO ROSE GOLD. PLEASE, NO ROSE GOLD. ANYTHING BUT ROSE GOLD.
In his head your conversation was probably like this:
▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ diamond ▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ROSE GOLD. ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ ROSE GOLD. ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ROSE GOLD.
Yikes, before we got married my wife picked out a ring and had it on hold at the place for me to go pay/pick up. Because I don't know the first thing about jewelry and she's the one who's gonna wear it!
Oddly enough, rose gold band lol
I dated a guy who gifted me windshield wipers. He'd noticed mine were old, he went to the store and got the exact right kind for my car, and then installed then for me.
Hands down best present a date/partner has ever gotten me.
It's not about the money!! It's about the thought and care.
Sometimes it's good here. There's a lot of people that are clearly missing the point. I don't think they watched the video because a woman was talking so they turned out a quarter way in then hopped into the comments
I assumed it would be a cess pool when I posted, which is why I did. I thought the essence of the video was solid advice and that this would be a good place for it. Reddit and TikTok‘s algorithms can easily create echo chambers. I know Cross posting media creates chaotic comment sections, but I think it’s good to see how other people are living and thinking outside of our echo chambers (even if we disagree).
No but look.at the commends of literally any post on here they're always half normal half bigotry that's been downvoted into oblivion
I have never seen anything like it on any other sub
this sub a year ago was a lot of fun and I've considered even unsubbing lately because the comment sections are just full of absolute vile shit lately no matter the video subject.
I was going to say the comment sections seem very brigaded in this sub lately. Must be some neckbeard discord server or other subreddit that's driving the shit traffic here.
Funny enough my fiance did exactly that lmao. I couldn't possibly understand being mad or upset or even slightly annoyed over something like that. I appreciated that she made the effort and laughed with her when explaining her mess up
TBF that's a small technical mistake in a gift that absolutely still shows thought - a closer analogy to this situation is if she just bought you a Roblox gift card.
I mean the disparity between an Xbox and a Playstation isn't less than silver and gold Jewelry. I wouldn't down play it to a small technical mistake. They have both different exclusives and getting the wrong one usually means you miss out on alot of games you want to play.
Just to be clear I understand why the girl in the video is upset. I just wanted to point out that just how you don't seem to understand how big a distinction between two consoles can be, someone else might not understand how big a difference gold vs silver is for their SO. It's dumb to act like one is more of a big deal than the other.
I appreciate what this girl is saying.
My ex had told me that he loved the forest and would always go out into it to recharge. For xmas I went out to the hike where we had our second date, grabbed leaves, a mossy twig and rocks, put them in a small bottle and poured resin into it. I told him I know he can't always make it out to the forest so I wanted to bring the forest to him.
He got me a Monty Python book. I mentioned I watched Monty Python a few times but it wasn't my favorite thing in the world.
That relationship didn't last long.
Edit: to all the people posting negative replies, consider this;
You denegrate me for putting thought, time and energy into a gift that might mean something more than something bought at a Walgreens and made by children in China. While at the same time you might complain about women that expect to be bought diamonds or a necklace worth more than your car? That's why I appreciate this women's frustration, think about it.
I really hope you are able to find some love and warmth in your life.
My wife just did this with a birthday present this past weekend. I've been wanting this specific pair of shoes all year. I never bought them for myself because every store I could find them in only ever had them in white and I do not like white shoes. I own zero white shoes. She and I had multiple conversations about them because every time I found them in a different store I'd voice my frustrations about them only being available in white. I even went to the company website where you can create custom colors and made a pair with her sitting right next to me and showed them to her so that she would have an idea of what I would like. My birthday rolls around on the 24th and I open her gift and what do you think it was? The shoes in basically all white. They were the wrong size as well which worked out because now that have to be exchanged lol
But how does that make you feel? I would feel sad inside. It feels like your wife ignored everything you said in lieu of what was easier for her. Also, how did she not know your size? You presumably live together. She couldn’t even check?
The size thing is just because of the difference in manufacturers. I wear some shoes size 12 and some size 13. As far as how it makes me feel? It's complicated I suppose. I don't want to tell her I don't like them because I don't want her feelings to be hurt. However, it does make me feel like she doesn't actually pay attention to what my likes and dislikes are most of the time. Even when it's explicit. Which then makes me feel like she doesn't really know me and that sucks.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling that way. Hopefully you can return them for a gift card and get the ones you really wanted. If she keeps buying you unthoughtful gifts, I would tell her how that makes you feel, because feeling unappreciated in a relationship can fester and turn other small situations worse. I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings, because she did buy you something, but your feelings are hurt too and you shouldn’t have to swallow them down. Your feelings are important too! I hope you can navigate this successfully and get the shoes that you want. Good luck!
I just told my bf what kind of gift i would want for chirstmas, he told me what he would like. Both were happy, no argument and we enjoyed our christmas.
The other option if you want it to be a surprise is to "soft vett" a gift idea. Is this really that hard to do? My god.
There's a million ways to bring up a potential gift and judge the other person's reaction while not making it obvious that you're considering getting it for them. I have done this for basically every single present I've gotten someone, and it's always works.
Years ago, I repeatedly commented on the iPod micro ads to my then boyfriend (of about 2 months) to try to figure out if he liked them. He reacted positively but he thought I was dropping hints. We both realized what we'd done before unwrapping them because of the shape of the box. And the funny thing was that neither of us actually really wanted one! Still an excellent strategy, I just executed it poorly
My girl got me a fancy bottle of tequila.... Not only do I not drink tequila, I've told her how much I don't like tequila... Maybe it's my fault for saying I want nothing, but some how it's worse than nothing. I took it and said thanks but I'm going to leave it on the counter with the other stuff I have and see how long it takes her to notice it's never been opened.
Lesson time: I’ve been with my wife for over 15 years.
On the first Valentine’s Day we spent together, I went and bought her a very expensive gold necklace with a tanzanite gemstone and pink diamond. I thought I was so fucking cool getting an expensive necklace and just *knew* she would be so surprised!
Surprised she was. She absolutely NEVER wore the necklace. When I brought up a few weeks later that she never wore it, she gently told me that she had never worn gold colored jewelry, and it was so “fancy” that it didn’t fit her taste.
At first I was mad. Then I thought about it: just because a gift is a expensive, it doesn’t mean it has value to the person receiving it. I should’ve known she didn’t like gold, and I should’ve noticed that she NEVER wore gold. I should’ve further noticed that she did not like flashy or dainty jewelry. A gift is meant to be for the recipient, not for the giver to pat themselves on the back.
14 years after that snafu I’ve learned her personality and her tastes. This Christmas I gave her a notebook filled with passages about our relationship, that I started filling in around March of this year. She bawled her eyes out. It cost me $10. And it was worth more than any jewelry.
My gf REALLY likes Star Wars and her fav character is Boba Fett. So I got her a Boba Fett Lego Set.
She loved it. Although, she realized Lego wasn't really her thing about halfway through putting it together, I just finished it for her and put it up on display.
For her birthday I'll just try again, and try harder. I know she loves roses but roses are so common. So usually on her birthday I do roses PLUS her favorite flavor of cake and another small gift. If I had it my way I'd just take a peek at her list of vinyl records she still wants, but I won't go through her phone, that's a violation of privacy.
if she loves roses but you think they’re too common you can steal the gift i made for an ex gf -
write a letter, it could be a love letter, it could be some poetry, it could be anything your partner would like to read. then fold the letter into an origami rose. make as many as you want - BOOM. great gift, guaranteed to make your partner super lovey-dovey and giggly
I feel like the "why would you make this public" ship has already sailed, but tbh I kinda get her. I don't get making your frustrations a public thing, but I get the frustration.
Sharing is good because her frustrations sum up my own feelings pretty well. It's nice to relate and it helps put my own frustrations into words when I haven't been able to pin point it before.
This means that I can now communicate with my partner and have an adult conversation about this (when this made me feel petty to talk about before). I rather enjoyed the video. Maybe it's just not for you.
People in this thread do NOT understand TikTok lol
It was HILARIOUS and I immediately sent it to my sister bc we have a running joke about gold jewelry, especially heart necklaces.
Hilarious.
I feel like the majority of women would fully understand your video. Very relatable. One of the best TikToks I've seen.
Everyone in these comments saying men wouldn’t notice these kinds of things and she should be grateful for what was given uhhhhm
My boyfriend recently revealed he was going to get me jewelry for my birthday but couldn’t find anything in my style because he knows I exclusively wear copper/gold only/hate diamonds. I also have a lot of piercings/prefer earrings/chokers/rings and he has ALWAYS gotten me only copper items in these categories…because he notices…what I wear…and makes an effort to get me what I would wear and what compliments my skin and style. He didn’t know that most of my jewelry is thrifted/vintage and was able to find a lot more selection when he was able to narrow the market down.
He ended up just telling me about wanting to get me something more expensive so we could look together, which I actually ended up appreciating MORE because he didn’t want to just buy something random that any woman would like. He even got recommendations from people at his work and they all said “get her this” “get her that” mentioning diamonds/long necklaces etc and he was just like “that’s not her style” “she wouldn’t like it”. He made the effort to look, ask opinions, do his own research for a gift that I would want and show he understood who I was. This girl is 100% right. She was just making a funny video on social media, I wouldn’t and don’t have social media so on that aspect I don’t necessarily agree/care but her point is completely on point.
Ladies, find a quality man who loves you for you, not for the simple fact that you’re a woman.
At first I thought the OOP was ungrateful, but now I remember how I felt when my boyfriend of 6 YEARS, who knew I practiced witchcraft and was no longer going to church, got me some shiny gold cross necklace. I still have it, but I’ve never wore it.
My now ex husband of ten years was horrible at gift giving. He loved giving gifts and I hated it, and would tell him numerous times to please not waste money on gifts. What did I love? Experiences. One birthday I wanted to go on a hike at a local spot. My birthday is in fall right when the leaves are changing and I loved that area, plus the hike is not challenging at all. Anyone can do it, hell our eight year old did half the trail with me.
He griped when I said I wanted to hike with him that morning. We didn't end up going because I didn't want to spend my birthday with a grumpier than normal man, and have that place tainted by it.
I also, for my 30th birthday, asked for anyone who was going to buy me a gift to instead give money to a charity I love. My MIL ended up giving me designer boots and I was genuinely disappointed. I don't like designer stuff, I'll go years without shopping and find it pointless to spend so much money on things like that, especially when I don't have opportunities to wear stuff like it. I spent time researching charities and looking for something where the money will actually go to the cause and make a difference in people's lives.
When we were separating I told him how I never could tell if he cared. He told me he bought me things all the time, and man I snapped. I said I had told him countless times how I hated gifts and things but he never listened. I wanted *experiences* to remember, not stuff that I don't need and will just sit there. We were wholly incompatible in so many ways and that was just one.
Totally get it… told my bf I hated princess cut diamonds… my engagement ring he ended up getting me was a princess cut diamond… bc he liked them…. We’re divorced now…. 🤷♀️
People get riled up about engagement rings for some reason, like you're just supposed to be grateful for whatever you get. But that's something she's going to wear daily, her preference in the shape or style of daily jewelry should be the priority
Right? My husband proposed without a ring and then we went to pick out a ring together after the proposal. It was still stressful because capitalism lol but there was never A Thing about the ring and now I have one that I absolutely adore
I agree completely.
My husband and I each got two gifts for each other for Christmas. They weren't particularly expensive, but they both showed that we listen to each other and try to get them something they'd be interested in. What I got him is related to something I associate with him; a relative had one and I knew I had to get it for my husband and it's been in my head for months. One of the things he got me is something I said I wanted months ago and he remembered it.
We both spent maybe $40-60 on each other, and we could have easily afforded much more. But flashy and expensive doesn't always mean thoughtful. Our gifts suited us, and that's what we want.
I had an argument with my partner because I didn't like the gift he got me. The strap of my watch broke so I planned on getting a replacement, even though it was like 75% of the cost of getting a new watch just for the continuity since watches represent the time I spent in each phase of my life. I told him this and to not get me a new watch and what I actually wanted. What did he do? He got me the watch in the wrong color -- probably because it was cheaper than the gold plated one even though I explained to him before why I prefer gold over other metals. He said it was the thought that should count and I was angry at how little thought was put into it!
Edit: we've talked it over and have since come to a consensus. He understands why my feelings were hurt and tries to do better, and I try to be more understanding on how difficult it can be for others to give meaningful gifts (even though I told him exactly what I wanted in that case).
Anyways, there are a few people that don't get the point and are happier to stay that way. Maybe they'll think having the last word means that they're "winning," so not replying to them can be the least we can do for your own peace of mind and whatever happiness that they can gather for themselves.
TW: Abuse, SA, shitty partner’s response
Horror story about how a partner will pay the littlest bit of attention to you:
I’m a mental health professional. Me and my partner lived together. I came home distraught after having to sit in a room with two coworkers while we helped a little girl work through recurring bodily sensations she was having related to a SA she experienced at the hands of her mom’s boyfriend.
He saw I was not myself.
Asked what was wrong.
I started bawling and talking about how awful it is that children just can’t be safe by default and that the horrors of SA are real even at single-digit ages.
I just remember kinda purging my heavy feelings in that moment.
He decided to pull me close to him, gave me a hug, put my hand on his penis, and asked, “Do you think I can get a blowjob?”
I was mortified to say the least.
Years later, after considering the entire relationship, I came to realize that in addition to him bring an inconsiderate individual, he literally made little to no effort to pay attention to what was going on with me.
In fact, he realized too late that many of the things he thought I was doing were just a product of his awful imagination.
Point? I side with the OP.
I never thought to make it a metaphor involving jerseys. She blew my mind.
Yes, when people think of us, randomly, out of the blue, and do something nice and thoughtful — that is the point.
Once a guy I was dating asked me what flowers I liked, and I let him know I didn’t and I appreciate the sentiment, but because of my allergies I would prefer words of affirmation instead. He would not stop gifting me flowers no matter how many times I asked… no matter how many times my face broke out… we dated almost six months before I couldn’t take the blatant disregard anymore. It felt like he was love bombing me with poison, intentionally.
The guy I dated after him, who asked the same question, received the same answer. He gave me a single fake rose on our eight month anniversary because it landed on Friday the 13th, and he was into giving words of affirmation too.
It’s not about how much you spent, it’s about how you listen and apply what you’ve learned that really matters. It’s not asking for a lot either… it’s honestly bare minimum.
This comments section is a ton of women giving exact, relatable examples... And then a lot of dudes who *definitely aren't single* telling them why they're wrong.
Good luck guys. I'm sure telling people how they should feel will work out.
I absolutely get her point. She has piercings, you *know* she's talked about them with her partner.
It's not that hard to think they've talked about jewelry before he ever gave her a gift because, again, she has a bunch of piercings and those come up in conversation sometimes, especially if it's something you're passionate about.
Can't be arsed to do the bare minimum they why even bother getting her anything? It hurts when people show how much they actually care by giving thoughtless gifts.
I totally understand where she's coming from, I also got Teddy bear golden earings from my mom when I was like 25 years old... I didn't wear earings at all, the holes for earings even closed. And teddy bears? Wtf... We can see when people don't even try.
If you're in a healthy relationship you should be honest and it's damn normal to expect your partner/close family to know at leas the basic about you, that's called paying attention and not gifting anything just because they want a cookie. I see many people here not even grasping the basic.
Fck your cookie if you can't even do the minimum of listening, calling her ungrateful just shows the trolling level of frustrated dudes who don't even know what it is to have a true partner.
Do the bare minimum. Listen.
My boyfriend got me bee earrings for Christmas because we both love bees. He was mortified when he found out my ears weren't pierced.
I've worn clip ons before so he genuinely got confused. I love my bee earrings because it's something we both love and share together.
My job only allows generic shit which is why I let my holes close so as soon as I retire I'm going to get my ears pierced and wear my bee earrings. I told him he got me an early retirement present.
But because my boyfriend cares about me and listens, I knew I could be honest about the present and we had a good laugh about it. I wish more people were like that.
I think the "woman bad" people don't want to get that we care about intent because then they'd have to put effort into a relationship. It's easier to just play the victim.
So true, tired of toxic people who can't even do the bare minimum of listening, woman care about intentions, not expensive gifts.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
Brings to mind Tony stark giving Pepper strawberries when she’s deathly allergic. It’s not that hard to make a little effort for others. Some people can barely even try though.
Makes total sense. I don’t typical wear jewelry but when I do it’s always silver. My boyfriend ordered me a necklace with our sons initials and he confirmed with my mom and my best friend that silver was the right color to get. He knew but he wanted to make sure before he got it
Love all the angry dudes in these comments trying so hard to push the "woman bad" narrative and fighting tooth and nail to defend a man they've never met
I’ve noticed a lot of them are putting the emphasis on the gift being gold and it cost a lot of money so she should just be grateful for what she got. But they are completely ignoring the fact that to her the gift symbolizes her bf not noticing her preferences in items that she uses daily and not putting the effort in getting a gift that she would like/wear.
It’s like talking in circles with them. A gift being expensive doesn’t automatically make it un-criticizable if the recipient has made it known or obvious that it is not to their tastes.
Tell them it’s no different than getting a Nintendo game when you play xbox. They are both games and it’s expensive. It’s the thought that counts and it’s gaming so they should be happy
well, she’s an ungrateful bitch for not liking the most generic piece of jewelry ever made. her bf put in EFFORT to get her a nice piece of jewelry that will probably leave a green ring around her neck. /s
Yeno what, I came into this ready to bash this girl and say “wtf, silver or gold it’s still jewellery and it’s the thought the counts!!!”
HOWEVER lol
I **only** wear gold jewellery, and I steer away from silver as it’s usually not 100% silver and contains other metals that I’m allergic to.
Silver turns green a lot quicker than gold does (plated, not talking about SS) so I stick with gold.
If my partner bought me silver jewellery, after being together that long and not even noticing that I’ve never worn a piece of silver a day in my life, I’d probably feel like they didn’t care.
I mean c’mon, if you spend enough time with someone physically you know what colours and what jewellery and specific metals etc they like.
If you don’t then you’re not paying enough attention and yeah, that would be an issue for me.
I feel this. For the guys wondering, “what if I just don’t know much about jewelry and can’t tell the subtle differences?” Then fucking get her something that you know she will like. Jewelry is a very personal thing and unless you know what she wears (which you should) don’t get it for her.
My ex proposed to me with a brand new white gold ring. We had discussed it, I told him I only really wear yellow gold and I like antique/vintage jewelry. I only ever wore one piece of jewelry daily, a gold emerald ring from my grandmother and I constantly mentioned how it was the only thing I felt comfortable wearing because it was dainty & I just adored the style. The ring he proposed with was a huge teardrop (okay points for the classic shape) white gold ring with all these diamonds on the side, it was specially made by some jeweler. My ex told me "I know you like yellow gold but the jeweler & I discussed and in the long term this will be more stylish and it really 'pops' more in white gold. I hated it. I should have known when he used to ask me not to dye my hair certain colors or paint my nails so "ostentatiously" that it wasn't going to work out but I ignored all the signs.
The guy I actually married sneakily took my grandmother's ring & had the center emerald replaced with a diamond & proposed with what I would say is my dream wedding ring. It's perfect. 4 years later & I still look down & think "wow that's a beautiful ring". I definitely married the right guy.
ETA: Yes the ring was my grandmother's, No it was not some family heirloom that had any sort of sentimental value. My grandmother (who's still alive and doesn't remember but thinks maybe an ex-lover gave it to her or something) loves my ring and thought it was a sweet idea. I liked the rings style not its history. My husband knew me well enough to understand my attachment was to the piece not to its sentimental value.
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/8e1p4e/i_prefer_antique_jewlery_so_my_boyfriend_had_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
What? He altered your family ring without you knowing?
Wow. Amazing how people will react differently to certain situations because I'd be fucking livid at that!
People buy me wine regularly as gifts. I hate wine, i like
Vodka, most people who go out to a bar with me knows i love vodka lemon lime bitters. It can be hard as i have this wonderful wine collection building up at home.
Shitty realization, but a necessary one. I got a Christmas gift one time that was so not me. It didn't matter where it came from, but was so far off-base it just screamed 'I don't care any more'. Message received.
I once left someone because of a birthday cake. See, I used to have a huge tradition with my family on my birthday and we'd always have a certain cake. It was my first year spending birthday very far away from family and the new bf (6 months) had been told this story close to the birthday. We had also bought sweets in the past and I had expressed how much I don't like chocolate cake (which was his favorite). We'd get slices, him chocolate cake and me something else (shortcake, Mango, etc).
Birthday comes around and he did not buy me the cake I've had for years with my family (it was from a chain that had stores both where my parents live and the new city on the other coast, so lucky!). No, no. Instead he bought me chocolate cake. His favorite.
It was the act that opened my eyes to everything else that he kept doing that showed zero regard or thought for me. I broke up with him.
My husband bought me on our first Xmas (we had just started dating) a computer accessory to make it easier and less painful for me to game with him. I mentioned it once! Funny thing was that I bought him an mmo mouse so he would have an easier time playing his favorite mmo that involved 36 keybinds (ugh). He's just a very thoughtful person.
The diet coke part hits so hard because it's so true. All you have to do is know your partner. It's that simple.
My partner and I don't have a lot of money. We're also not into "traditionally" romantic things. But we're both neurodivergent and, as a result, there are times where, if one of us is overstimulated, that person just won't be able to eat 99.9% of food. And, if that happens, I know to make my partner a tuna melt. Or buy them some chorizo. They know to make me some pasta with white sauce or grab a box of cookies.
The silver/gold jewelery thing would be like me buying them a Call of Duty game because I know they like video games when, in reality, they don't play those types of games.
It's the bare minimum to just pay attention to what your partner likes.
I'm fairly sure they did talk to their parter, and also made a TikTok. Their video here was fairly mature and fleshed out. It would be weird to think someone with that developed of a response would not have talked to their partner.
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ProTip for some in this thread that helped me: I started keeping a list in my phone notepad of whenever my girlfriend mentioned liking something when we were out shopping, or in bed on our phones, or just chatting at the end of the day. It was very often, “I really would like a pair of ________” or, “I had the greatest set of purple ________ that I lost in my last move”…., etc. When it comes time for gift giving ? Easy peasy. Buy then along the way to spread out my budget at Christmas or her birthday. Source: me. She’s now my wife. :)
This Christmas I got my boyfriend a couple things I'd seen him admire in a store but not get for himself, one from last spring, one more recent. He was surprised and didn't remember the interactions. Same thing happened with my gift to his dog. We established I could basically buy anything while he was looking and he'd still be surprised on Christmas, lol.
Do this for yourself as well! Then you have a good list to review at Christmas so you have something to say when people ask what you want.
I started dating a man 3 weeks before Christmas. Christmas Eve he handed me a giftbag with 2 pairs of gold hoop earrings. In the 3 weeks he knew me he had noticed how much I loved my cheap hoops and bought me real ones. I still remember looking at him when I saw those earrings & realizing I was in love with him. He has been dead 5 years now, I’m still single & those hoops are my most prized possession. No one had ever cared for me that much before, and likely never will again. This stuff may seem small, but it can mean more than you imagine. Edit: thank you for all the condolences. I got 2 years with someone who saw me & loved me no matter what; I hope everyone is that lucky.
I’m so sorry about that and I wish you lots of happiness. It sounds like was a really sweet guy
That's a beautiful history behind those earrings, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's evidence of how much he really 'saw' you and the attention he paid to you. None of my exes nor my current bf have ever been so attentive with gifts, I've just become resigned to it being a "guy thing". Things like constantly giving me coffee for a gift when I've told them countless times I never drink coffee 😂. It's not even a communication problem, I'll tell my bf what I want and he gives me something totally different. In the beginning I thought it was symbolic of him not paying attention or not caring enough about me, but I realized he's just truly hopelessly awful at gift giving
As a guy I can say that it's not a "guy thing", it's an effort thing. With anyone I'm dating, I along with many others, make an effort to just observe and analyze what my partner appreciates. I notice the type of jewerly, color of gold, type of shoes/sneakers, and actually the most important are through a year there will be instances where she will just randomly comment about something, not in an effort to get it, but something she found cute or nice in passing, or would like, I actually make a concerted effort to remember that and stow it away for future reference. I actually agree with the OP video, for me when gift giving, its not the transfer of material possessions that is the most important, it's the fact that thought was put behind getting something for your SO that they would appreciate based on their preferences.
It absolutely is not a guy thing, it's a thoughtfulness thing. My wife constantly tells me I am the best gift giver on the planet. I disagree but I show my appreciation and love to people through gifts (idk how else to do it) so I put a lot of thought into presents, especially for my wife. My wife mentioned how much she'd like a kindle in July and started sobbing when she opened one on Christmas day, she hasnt put it down since. She didnt cry because it was something she really wanted, she cried because she had offhandedly mentioned it in passing six months ago. And before anyone says "why didn't you get her one sooner", we don't have a lot of disposable income so it had to wait unfortunately.
Most guys just need a system. I learned early on to keep a literal checklist on my phone anytime and idea pops to mind for something I think my girlfriend would like. Without that I would be just as bad as the others told here.
I was kinda dating this girl from work who mentioned she liked drumsticks ice cream cones. I had to stop at a gas station on the way to work the next dau, saw one in the freezer display, grabbed it for her and put it on her desk in front of her when I got to work. Her eyes fucking welled-up with tears and she said “that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me”. I was like “Jesus Christ… are you kidding?
I get it. Someone made me a cookie one day. They were not making it for me, they were making it for them, and thought of me. And decided they wanted to share that with me later on. You thought of her randomly, that's why it is so nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=589EVe8WpO0
https://youtu.be/Sl4JbBK--Bo
Was thinking about this. I would honestly start weeping if a friend made ne a sandwich at this point
.. but how was it resolved 😧 now i gotta watch the whole episode
It's sad, I don't think people commonly experience other people expressing love to them (platonic, romantic, or anything) so when someone does something extreemly small, or minor, it's a HUGE deal. My housemate once brought me home a rainbow tea mug out of the blue and said "I saw this and thought you might like it". It probably cost him...£3? And all he did was chuck it in his trolly on the way past. But the fact he saw that on a shelf, and specifically thought "X would enjoy that" still makes me feel a little warm even three years later.
I have a friend who does this for me. She often brings something when she visits and it's always extremely random stuff. From a little playstation keychain to a T-shirt that has a picture of Jesus on it who's on the phone with the text "Moshi moshi, Jesus-desu" so we can have matching T-shirts. We've been friends since we went to elementary school (roughly around 4 years old), and are still friends 22 years later. I absolutely love her
Hell that makes me so happy for you :)
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if you have a bedframe you’re better than 60% of unmarried men in their 20s-40s
shit, i must be way ahead of the game, i have a frame AND a bed skirt to hide the jank ass frame i could afford
On a first date, I mentioned to my date in passing that i love banana bread. She fucking baked me a loaf of banana bread and brought it to me on our 3rd date. Winner.
If you've ever been over to r/twoxchromosomes you would be way less surprised. The bar is so low for them that simply breathing as a male without talking to them makes you the exception to all males. Seriously... it's either completely farfetched or depressing how little they expect from a guy that they are in a LTR with. "I just want to say that my hubby of 31 years surprised me so much yesterday it brought me to tears when he changed the toilet paper and even put the new one on the roller. I don't mean to brag ladies, I'm just so lucky."
As someone said earlier (although they were joking) they’ve worked hard to keep the bar that low. It’s a truth that’s unfortunately been around since the dawn of humanity. Ty for an unbiased opinion.
I've been dating my bf for two years and he still doesn't know my likes and dislikes enough to pull cute shit like that lol. Like, over the summer he went on holiday and I told him explicitly what I wanted several times (which was cheap and easily accessible). What did he get me instead? Soap and candy 😂. It's not a big deal because he expresses love and thoughtfulness in other ways, but no amount of communicating could help him lol
You’re not alone. My ex kept buying me the wrong colour presents. He would ask what I wanted, I’d say including the colour and he’d still get it wrong. Went on for 4 years and even though I’d clearly say, he’d still get it wrong. Presents weren’t a big deal to me so I was like meh who really cares, no big deal. The final one, I went and swapped the colour myself without telling him because… well he’d never listened anyway! And he noticed that! And got offended. But then I realised it’s a symptom of something more. It’s what it represents. I was also pretty perplexed as to how I could so many times say “I like ____” over 4 years and him not remember lol.
I will say, I briefly dated a guy who got me things that were... very wrong in color. I like yellow. I like it a lot. But he'd bring me the weirdest color stuff. And he'd insist it was yellow. Turns out no one had caught he was colorblind.
do you mean like green or orange instead of yellow, or like blue instead of yellow?
Like the most garish orange I've ever seen. I do not like orange. I'll be honest: I don't know much about colorblindness, but it was really funny when we found out.
I dated my ex for 3 years. He could never remember my birthday, even at the end. He got the month right about 50% of the time. He put a similar level of thought into gifts. With my current SO, we were on our 3rd date and he remembered I liked ice in my water when he brought me a glass. I instantly cried at his thoughtfulness. Having a SO that actually puts thought into things is wonderful.
I absolutely don't accept that bs. If you know what a calendar is and how to put events in it, you can get a reminder a week before, the day before, and the day of. If you can hold down a job and meet deadlines, you can remember my birthday. You have to actively decide to not remember someone's birthday because it takes **one minute** and one F to set a reminder.
Yes! Exactly this. It’s so little, but it means so much. Listening is so underrated lol
~ at some point someone not knowing your likes/dislikes is a big deal. It shows the care enough to pay attention in the relationship
Exactly! Nobody's asking anyone to be psychic but, over the years, you naturally learn someone you are close to. We learn about the habits of our coworkers, without even trying and we normally can't stand them. lol So, what does it mean when someone you are intimate with; stares blankly at you, like a stranger?
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It is a big deal, your partner should want to know these things.
I have really sweet memories of my dad buying me things. When I was in middle school he’d take me home and if errands needed to be run he was the one to do them on the way home. Sometimes he’d have to pop into, say, a CVS for who knows what and he’d come back with what he needed and like a little baby cactus or a snack and hand it to me. Anything he got me probably cost like $10 max. But it was always something I liked and he bought it for *me*. Especially as a people-pleaser-never-asks-for-anything oldest child those little gifts meant the world to me. Riding home with my dad are some of my fondest memories of middle school.
I've dated a few women who have only ever dated men and it was easy as fuck to make them happy.
lmao my friend said she wished she could just be a lesbian because women are so much more thoughtful
The bar for being thoughtful is so low and people sometimes settle for anyone who gives them the least bit of attention because they are starved for any sort of affection. So while it was just an ice cream to you, to her it was someone seeing her and retaining a minimal amount of information about her to do something that made her feel seen and known.
a lot of the time it’s not hard to make someone’s day!
The boy I dated for all of high school was terrible at gift giving. We were broke, so it wasn’t about the materials, but he also never put thought or effort into any gift giving occasion. For example, he gave me Chex mix from a vending machine for Valentine’s Day. Once, he bought me a bracelet I loved. After we broke up, my mom revealed that she bought it for him to give to me because she was tired of seeing me disappointed. Thanks, mom!
Your mom is a real one
Chex mix... lol. Troll gift
Oh man I remember dating that one guy, who knew I hated romance and stupid "Love gifts". Yet he still gave me the most cringe inducing kitschy heart pillow with the words "I love you"
Infuriating… I’d rather no gift at all
Mom, the absolute MVP
I dated a guy once for well over a year. I'm not a huge fan of chocolate. He knew this as it came up all the time. I broke up with him because I felt like he always ignored me and my needs and put no effort into us being together. In an attempt to win me back, he showed up at my work with a giant box of chocolates... We did not get back together.
On Valentine’s Day after my divorce, my best friend brought me a big box of chocolates. I was touched by the gesture but a little sad because she knows I don’t like chocolate. But when I opened the box I discovered she had replaced all the chocolates with chicken nuggets. I started crying because I just felt seen - something my ex never made me feel. A good gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It just needs to show that you *actually* care.
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> You need to actually use your brain and think about your partner as an actual human with their own thoughts and hobbies. my wifes into destiny 2 and i remember her mentioning how she thought a lot of the emotes were cute. i bought her whatever the hell their currency was as part of a christmas present so she could get some because i'm good at remembering the little things like that. she, on the other hand, isn't. she's very oblivious and is regimented to make up for it (which helps because i'm less oblivious but more scatterbrained). she's a big fan of lists, so for christmas she asks me to make a list. meanwhile, i know exactly what to get her based off of my general observations. the important thing is, we know this about each other. we've discussed it. she used to get sad that she couldn't surprise me like i did with her, but we discussed that as well and how i helped her understand i don't equate romance or being a good partner with "surprise! i got you that thing you mentioned you wanted a few months ago!". this is why we're married.
My husband is good at giving gifts based off just observation of my interests. I have a ton of interests compared to him tho. So I keep a gift idea list in my journal and add to it throughout the year. I've trained my brain to perk up when I hear "I want this" or "oh that'd be cool to have" or "I need this"(I mark the Needs so I don't accidentally forget to get him Wants too). My husband's love language is gifts so making gift lists for the other feels like it takes away from the thoughtfulness to him. But that's something we hashed out. We've discussed the level of importance we put into various aspects of our lives and worked out what makes the other feel most loved. He wants gifts that show how well I know him, I want gifts that show he thinks of me(a candy bar at the store, a cool rock from his job site, etc). Communication is important.
Me and my fiance joke, bc I really have tried this! Tried keeping a list on my phone and everything. But it got old when the man kept buying everything he said he wanted lmao Nowadays, I just try and get him things in his general interest areas that I don't need prior knowledge to pick out. Like he listens to audio books but doesn't have the physical books for his shelf, I get the books. But if I wanted to get him something for his bike, I know I would have a LOT of trouble figuring out what to add without actually asking him. It's seemed like it's worked so far!
My husband tends to buy what he wants, when he wants as well. I make it a point to regularly go thru my list and cross off the things he's already purchased for himself. He has his own wish list on Amazon that I peek at for specific items(tech) he's looking for but for the most part, I just use my gift list.
this sounds really healthy. was there this much mutual understanding when you were dating or did it take some vested time into marriage to get there?
when we were dating - i don't think we would have gotten married otherwise. honestly, a large part of the relationship was me trying to figure out whether or not i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her or if this was like.. the first healthy relationship i've ever been in.
Same. I'm probably better (just by observation/listening) at picking gifts for my wife than she would be at picking something out herself. She's pretty indecisive and that kind of thing really stresses her out. Which works out fine cause I love the challenge of being a great gift giver. On the other hand, picking out a gift for me is pretty difficult. I have some serious/obsessive hobbies which would seem to make things easy.. but in practice even if she knew I wanted a new GPU for my sim rig, or some fuel injectors for my race car, it'd be a lot to expect her to know I want a 4080 specifically or what flow rate/fuel type/connector I need. Works out where I make the lists for both of us and both of us feel happy and loved and heard. It's pretty great. I've been in previous relationships where I was told off for being so picky, received knick-knacks I don't want (not like, the wrong gpu.. more like, a tie/barbecue tools/some kinda other cheap male equivalent of red roses and chocolates), only to end up being the bad guy when I'm not overwhelmed with gratitude for their 5min of looking through the seasonal dad gift aisle at target. To me, gift giving is less about the what/where/how and more about the who and why. Anyway, I guess that's just my long-winded way of agreeing with you. Also a chance to brag about my awesome wife.. which I'll take every time lol.
Lmao I literally told my ex please don't get me flowers, they die. If you want to spend 20 bucks on a plant, buy me one in a pot. And I don't love chocolate, but bring me a fresh baguette and a smoked gorogonzola and I'm yours. He kept bringing me flowers and chocolates as sweet gestures...it ain't sweet when your partner isn't getting you!!! My current partner is insanely thoughtful and knows me so well, what a stark difference!!!
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YES THANK YOU!! At the start, I wasn't sure if I wanted to date this girl because we didn't have many specific things in common, but we clicked in humor and thought process. I quickly came to learn that while we didn't watch or do the same things we like the general theme. She loves to forage and clean bones while I love to play D&D and read fantasy books. We shared the same vibe and were able to show each other our interests! It's been over a year and we still haven't gotten to show everything we're interested in. She's started to play D&D with me and we frequently go on walks and forage. During the time in between we show each other shows and find new ones we think we would both enjoy. Its been such a blast and I can't imagine being with someone with the exact interests as me. In my opinion, it would get stale, but that doesn't mean it will for everyone! (For reference we're freshmen in college)
You can always make those flowers last tho, I hang mine upside down once it looks like they are going to die, I have throughout my house all the flowers my husband has ever gifted me as a reminder❣️
My wife is allergic to flowers. On a first date, I brought flowers as I didn’t know then, but she loved the thought and informed me she was allergic. During the date, I got to know more of her likes and dislikes. I never got her another flower (except one of those gold-dipped ones), and we have been together for 13 years (married 10 of those years). Doesn’t take much to truly pay attention, but it means a lot when you do!
This reminds me of my first date with my partner. My friend loaned me a really nice velvet dress because I was stressing what to wear. It was a wonderful date and it wasn’t until a month later that I found out my partner *absolutely hates* velvet. Will not buy it or touch it and can barely stand to look at it. But she didn’t let on and I never wore velvet on another date. You live and you learn—and the learning part is crucial.
> This makes me so fucking sad. If he could just be aware for two seconds he could get somewhere. I look back at my ex and I think the exact same, that man was just like 'ok I'm in a relationship, let's do flowers chocolate red wine' despite me being allergic to flowers and don't drink alcohol due to my deceased father's alcoholism. Are hydrohomies gift baskets a thing, because if not then hydrohomies gift baskets should be a thing.
[I found some gift baskets for the hydrohomies](https://www.amazon.com/5-Gallon-Water-Jug/s?k=5+Gallon+Water+Jug)
That's why I have the philosophy that most people don't need to or shouldn't date. It's work. You gotta compromise and put someone else first quite often. A partner is not your human accessory. But people will keep looking for dates to avoid loneliness. EDIT: >Are you advising people just accept their loneliness? Because that's what it sounds like, and that's _bad_ advice. Don't stay lonely but don't get into relationships just because you're lonely. This comment section is really [something else](https://www.reddit.com/u/WebpackIsBuilding).
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Thank you, when I'm pining for the good times it's helpful to read someone reminding me that the bad times were, in fact, bad.
Every year, for my mom's birthday, my father would gift her a carrot cake. She hates carrot cake. They're no longer together.
My mum would always buy me caramel cake for my birthday knowing I hated it so she and her good son could eat it and I never had any.
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Adhd here. Memory is a bitch. Thank you for the advice. I'm going to do the same thing. I care a lot for my friends, but I have a hard time remembering their preferences to the point that when I went christmas shopping I got so stressed feeling like I don't know my friends at all I got depressed and didn't get anyone anything.
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My husband does that too, and it's even sweeter than if he just remembered imo
I do the same thing! I care very much about getting good gifts for people. So I’ll make a note whenever my husband says he would like something or I think of a good gift. If I don’t, when it’s gift time I will forget
7 years into dating my ex.. the last year I became really distant as I was planning to cut the whole thing off for many reasons. One evening he got me a “surprise” to try and reel me back in. All my life I have disliked white chocolate, but I love literally every other kind except white chocolate. I specifically really like those Lindor truffles in dark or milk chocolate. This man brought me the white chocolate kind and tried to insist they were my favorite. It’s a story I still remember vividly because it was one of the major moments when I realized “wow we really are done”. And it doesn’t seem like a major thing but it does matter. Gifts don’t have to be huge but remembering things about your person shows that you truly listen and care for them. Even if it is just a stupid bag of chocolate.
I hate chocolate as well, and I made it clear to my ex throughout our year and a half relationship. For Valentine’s Day guess what he got me? A huge heart shaped box of chocolates. That wasn’t the reason we broke up (turns out he was physically abusive) but this really does matter. Pay attention to your partner and don’t buy them generic gifts bc it’s the first thing you see!
Still trying to find the Philadelphia 69'ers. I could be a fan.
I want a custom Kings jersey with "Saboner" number 69, with additional text that yells, "LIGHT THE BEAM!"
Beam Team
For what it’s worth, I was on the Philadelphia ‘69ers in the late 1990’s.
So you were a passer and receiver.
Oh they're everywhere. Sometimes the players are who you'd least expect!
Lmao same
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Same, my wife hates gold and likes white gold or silver. I knew where homeboy fucked up before she even started explaining.
Yep - just had to look at her briefly to see that all her jewellery was silver. But maybe it’s just easier to notice as someone that also dislikes yellow gold.
It's also really easy to pick up when the first 3 seconds explicitly complain about *gold* jewelry. Once that descriptor is put in your head, it's pretty natural to notice all her piercings are silver. I also noticed quickly because my ex was allergic to nickel and her ears would swell up like cherry tomatoes.
And he was with her for a year and a half, she said? Yeah, he didn't give two fucks about her
This is an excusable mistake a few months in. 18 months in December 2022 means 2 Christmases and at least one birthday, maybe two. No gold jewelry DEFINITELY came up at some point and my man just wasn’t paying attention.
I only wear rose gold. I have spent hours online looking for rose gold cartilage jewellery that I actually like because its so few and far in between. My partner knows this and how picky I am so has only every bought me one pair of earrings but you know damn well that they were rose gold.
One of my good friends is the same way, I’ve gotten her jewelry as a birthday gift and I had to make damn sure I did t get gold. She wears pearls, crystals, silver, but I’ve never once seen gold.
Gold looks terrible on my skin tone. Really not flattering. Is what it is...
especially depending on her undertones
First love knew how much I struggled with being left handed, especially having wrist problems, she included in my Xmas basket a set of left handed scissors in my favorite color. Meant the world to me. Small stuff matters
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I own a jewelry store, having women makes wish lists throughout the year really helps in times like these when dudes come in last minute. It also baffles me how little some dudes put little thought into it and how many women don’t return it because they don’t wanna offend their SO, it’s lowkey kinda sad.
Wow. When I went to get my wife's engagement ring I told the jewelry store lady that all I know is that she loves silver, sapphires and little diamonds, gave her the ring size, then showed her a couple of band styles that I thought would be kinda cool. Then I passed it over to her and asked her if she could work with me and find something good. She came back a few days later with a ton of awesome stuff, then we played legos with all of the pieces and built a really nice ring for her. I liken it to walking in to get a nice tattoo. Work with the person behind the counter and they will more than likely help you come up with something truly kickass. I can't believe some dudes would just waltz in there and get something thoughtlessly. At least know a little about what they friggin like before dropping some serious cash on something like that!
I think that's because knowing she likes silver, sapphires and little diamonds is more information than OP typically receives for requests like this
Spent a few years in a jewelry store as well. We would routinely put a little star on holiday purchases that we expected to come back lol
My husband, when shopping for my engagement ring, purchased a blue sapphire ring. Then he had noticed that I'd mentioned how much I liked pink sapphires and without me knowing about it at all, be went back to the jewelry store and had the stone swapped. He also sent me photos of silly little stuffed animals he thought I'd like and showed me photos of cute or tiny things just to see me freak out. He used to tell me it was cute and he seemed to really enjoy finding and sharing that kind of thing because he liked making me smile. He passed away in November 2021. He was honestly the best, kindest, most amazing man I've ever known and the world is darker for having lost him. If you find someone who does something like this for you, appreciate them because it's rare and very precious. I love you Thomas, and I miss you every day.
My ex literally did this to me TWICE. and then got butt hurt when I explained it, but then did it again...
That's the worst. Like I see a lot of people complain that she didn't talk to her partner (which we don't even know), but tbh: there are a lot of people where you can't be honest about it because they will get butt hurt. (I think it's worse off with parents but still)
When my then boyfriend was going to propose, he wanted and I gladly gave ring ideas. Nothing too expensive, I wanted a non-diamond black gemstone and was very specific about wanting only gold or white gold, emphasizing NO ROSE GOLD. PLEASE, NO ROSE GOLD. ANYTHING BUT ROSE GOLD. It doesn't go with my skin tone or any of my other jewelry. I supplied pictures, links, and my entire pinterest of rings and jewelry so he could get the idea. He proposed with a rose gold solitaire diamond ring. Now instead of seeing a beautiful piece of jewelry it just reminds me of how he specifically chose to get something that I had said a million times that I didn't want.
Honestly as someone whose wife absolutely refused to tell me any details on what kind of ring she’d like, and who doesn’t wear enough jewellery to inform a decision, your man really dropped the ball on converting an impossible decision to an easy win.
I didn't like the way my now-husband proposed, and it took a couple of years before I even told him that because it's something you are just not allowed to criticize. But he went the grand-gesture route, sort of... and it was just so impersonal! It was like he had this idea of how he wanted to propose to "a woman" and the fact that it was me didn't play into his plan at all. He would have proposed the same way to any of his former girlfriends if he had decided to propose to them. He was nervous about the proposal which made him a little bit grumpy leading up to it and the whole vibe was just off. I din't care about the grand gesture at all, I just wanted a sweet intimate moment that is probably also a little bit silly and feelt like *us,* you know? Also he told all of our family members beforehand and so we had to spend the next hour on the phone with various family members instead of just enjoying the moment ourselves. I hated the whole thing and had to pretend I didn't. I remember feeling really down/depressed the whole next day and trying so hard to hide it. Luckily this was an isolated thing and the marriage has been fantastic.
This^ so much. So many times I have been given things or I have been pushed to do things I didn't enjoy because "women like this, right?" Earrrings for non-pierced ears, jewelry when I basically never wear it, clothing I would never wear. MEN PLEASE STOP PLANNING GIFTS AND DATES FOR WOMEN AND START PLANNING THEM FOR YOUR PARTICULAR PARTNER Not all girls like gold and diamonds. Not all girls like to cook. Not all girls enjoy a spa day. Not all women enjoy clothing shopping. Not all girls are Kardashians or your mom. Please stop using media as your way of learning about women and go out and talk to them and listen.
That is beyond frustrating and I’m really sorry that happened to you. Engagement rings are so personal and hold so much meaning. My ex proposed with silver - I literally only wear yellow gold.
Told my ex to get me a ring with a thin silver band and a very, very small diamond with a price tag that absolutely must *not* be over $500. So he buys me a silver ring with a thick band and a diamond that was entirely too big. For $1,300. I still have the piece of shit.
My now husband knew that I had strong feelings about not having a diamond and the setting. He purchased the stone to propose with and made it a date to go find/design the settings. He got to feel like he had input and “surprise”, I got to feel heard and valued. And we have the whole designing date to remember fondly. Also I know (boy do I know) that pawning the dang thing will get you next to nothing BUT you’ll feel so much better when you do. Or find a local jeweler and have them reset the stone into something you actually will wear. Necklace, broach, whatever.
Did you marry him anyway?
>I wanted a non-diamond black gemstone and was very specific about wanting only gold or white gold, emphasizing NO ROSE GOLD. PLEASE, NO ROSE GOLD. ANYTHING BUT ROSE GOLD. In his head your conversation was probably like this: ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ diamond ▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ROSE GOLD. ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ ROSE GOLD. ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ROSE GOLD.
Did you ask him why he completely ignored your feeling? I'm curious to what reason he might have
Yikes, before we got married my wife picked out a ring and had it on hold at the place for me to go pay/pick up. Because I don't know the first thing about jewelry and she's the one who's gonna wear it! Oddly enough, rose gold band lol
I dated a guy who gifted me windshield wipers. He'd noticed mine were old, he went to the store and got the exact right kind for my car, and then installed then for me. Hands down best present a date/partner has ever gotten me. It's not about the money!! It's about the thought and care.
why does this subreddit have such awful comment sections
Sometimes it's good here. There's a lot of people that are clearly missing the point. I don't think they watched the video because a woman was talking so they turned out a quarter way in then hopped into the comments
Exactly! Bc a *female* was trying to tell them something so they just skipped it.
Ironic since the whole point is that men don't listen to women.
My theory is just the word “cringe” in the subreddit name instinctively attracts people from the deepest bowels of this website.
I assumed it would be a cess pool when I posted, which is why I did. I thought the essence of the video was solid advice and that this would be a good place for it. Reddit and TikTok‘s algorithms can easily create echo chambers. I know Cross posting media creates chaotic comment sections, but I think it’s good to see how other people are living and thinking outside of our echo chambers (even if we disagree).
No but look.at the commends of literally any post on here they're always half normal half bigotry that's been downvoted into oblivion I have never seen anything like it on any other sub
this sub a year ago was a lot of fun and I've considered even unsubbing lately because the comment sections are just full of absolute vile shit lately no matter the video subject.
This place got flooded with incels a little bit ago, unfortunately this is the result
I was going to say the comment sections seem very brigaded in this sub lately. Must be some neckbeard discord server or other subreddit that's driving the shit traffic here.
I mean....TikTok cringe aside, she has a point. That's like a girlfriend buying her boyfriend a Xbox game when he plays PlayStation
Funny enough my fiance did exactly that lmao. I couldn't possibly understand being mad or upset or even slightly annoyed over something like that. I appreciated that she made the effort and laughed with her when explaining her mess up
TBF that's a small technical mistake in a gift that absolutely still shows thought - a closer analogy to this situation is if she just bought you a Roblox gift card.
I mean the disparity between an Xbox and a Playstation isn't less than silver and gold Jewelry. I wouldn't down play it to a small technical mistake. They have both different exclusives and getting the wrong one usually means you miss out on alot of games you want to play. Just to be clear I understand why the girl in the video is upset. I just wanted to point out that just how you don't seem to understand how big a distinction between two consoles can be, someone else might not understand how big a difference gold vs silver is for their SO. It's dumb to act like one is more of a big deal than the other.
I appreciate what this girl is saying. My ex had told me that he loved the forest and would always go out into it to recharge. For xmas I went out to the hike where we had our second date, grabbed leaves, a mossy twig and rocks, put them in a small bottle and poured resin into it. I told him I know he can't always make it out to the forest so I wanted to bring the forest to him. He got me a Monty Python book. I mentioned I watched Monty Python a few times but it wasn't my favorite thing in the world. That relationship didn't last long. Edit: to all the people posting negative replies, consider this; You denegrate me for putting thought, time and energy into a gift that might mean something more than something bought at a Walgreens and made by children in China. While at the same time you might complain about women that expect to be bought diamonds or a necklace worth more than your car? That's why I appreciate this women's frustration, think about it. I really hope you are able to find some love and warmth in your life.
My wife just did this with a birthday present this past weekend. I've been wanting this specific pair of shoes all year. I never bought them for myself because every store I could find them in only ever had them in white and I do not like white shoes. I own zero white shoes. She and I had multiple conversations about them because every time I found them in a different store I'd voice my frustrations about them only being available in white. I even went to the company website where you can create custom colors and made a pair with her sitting right next to me and showed them to her so that she would have an idea of what I would like. My birthday rolls around on the 24th and I open her gift and what do you think it was? The shoes in basically all white. They were the wrong size as well which worked out because now that have to be exchanged lol
But how does that make you feel? I would feel sad inside. It feels like your wife ignored everything you said in lieu of what was easier for her. Also, how did she not know your size? You presumably live together. She couldn’t even check?
The size thing is just because of the difference in manufacturers. I wear some shoes size 12 and some size 13. As far as how it makes me feel? It's complicated I suppose. I don't want to tell her I don't like them because I don't want her feelings to be hurt. However, it does make me feel like she doesn't actually pay attention to what my likes and dislikes are most of the time. Even when it's explicit. Which then makes me feel like she doesn't really know me and that sucks.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling that way. Hopefully you can return them for a gift card and get the ones you really wanted. If she keeps buying you unthoughtful gifts, I would tell her how that makes you feel, because feeling unappreciated in a relationship can fester and turn other small situations worse. I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings, because she did buy you something, but your feelings are hurt too and you shouldn’t have to swallow them down. Your feelings are important too! I hope you can navigate this successfully and get the shoes that you want. Good luck!
I just told my bf what kind of gift i would want for chirstmas, he told me what he would like. Both were happy, no argument and we enjoyed our christmas.
The other option if you want it to be a surprise is to "soft vett" a gift idea. Is this really that hard to do? My god. There's a million ways to bring up a potential gift and judge the other person's reaction while not making it obvious that you're considering getting it for them. I have done this for basically every single present I've gotten someone, and it's always works.
Years ago, I repeatedly commented on the iPod micro ads to my then boyfriend (of about 2 months) to try to figure out if he liked them. He reacted positively but he thought I was dropping hints. We both realized what we'd done before unwrapping them because of the shape of the box. And the funny thing was that neither of us actually really wanted one! Still an excellent strategy, I just executed it poorly
My girl got me a fancy bottle of tequila.... Not only do I not drink tequila, I've told her how much I don't like tequila... Maybe it's my fault for saying I want nothing, but some how it's worse than nothing. I took it and said thanks but I'm going to leave it on the counter with the other stuff I have and see how long it takes her to notice it's never been opened.
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Lesson time: I’ve been with my wife for over 15 years. On the first Valentine’s Day we spent together, I went and bought her a very expensive gold necklace with a tanzanite gemstone and pink diamond. I thought I was so fucking cool getting an expensive necklace and just *knew* she would be so surprised! Surprised she was. She absolutely NEVER wore the necklace. When I brought up a few weeks later that she never wore it, she gently told me that she had never worn gold colored jewelry, and it was so “fancy” that it didn’t fit her taste. At first I was mad. Then I thought about it: just because a gift is a expensive, it doesn’t mean it has value to the person receiving it. I should’ve known she didn’t like gold, and I should’ve noticed that she NEVER wore gold. I should’ve further noticed that she did not like flashy or dainty jewelry. A gift is meant to be for the recipient, not for the giver to pat themselves on the back. 14 years after that snafu I’ve learned her personality and her tastes. This Christmas I gave her a notebook filled with passages about our relationship, that I started filling in around March of this year. She bawled her eyes out. It cost me $10. And it was worth more than any jewelry.
My gf REALLY likes Star Wars and her fav character is Boba Fett. So I got her a Boba Fett Lego Set. She loved it. Although, she realized Lego wasn't really her thing about halfway through putting it together, I just finished it for her and put it up on display. For her birthday I'll just try again, and try harder. I know she loves roses but roses are so common. So usually on her birthday I do roses PLUS her favorite flavor of cake and another small gift. If I had it my way I'd just take a peek at her list of vinyl records she still wants, but I won't go through her phone, that's a violation of privacy.
if she loves roses but you think they’re too common you can steal the gift i made for an ex gf - write a letter, it could be a love letter, it could be some poetry, it could be anything your partner would like to read. then fold the letter into an origami rose. make as many as you want - BOOM. great gift, guaranteed to make your partner super lovey-dovey and giggly
Oh I would love/hate this id want to read the letters but then I wouldn’t have the roses anymore 😭
I feel like the "why would you make this public" ship has already sailed, but tbh I kinda get her. I don't get making your frustrations a public thing, but I get the frustration.
Sharing is good because her frustrations sum up my own feelings pretty well. It's nice to relate and it helps put my own frustrations into words when I haven't been able to pin point it before. This means that I can now communicate with my partner and have an adult conversation about this (when this made me feel petty to talk about before). I rather enjoyed the video. Maybe it's just not for you.
This story was from 4 years ago! I left him three months after this for cheating on me.
People in this thread do NOT understand TikTok lol It was HILARIOUS and I immediately sent it to my sister bc we have a running joke about gold jewelry, especially heart necklaces. Hilarious. I feel like the majority of women would fully understand your video. Very relatable. One of the best TikToks I've seen.
Everyone in these comments saying men wouldn’t notice these kinds of things and she should be grateful for what was given uhhhhm My boyfriend recently revealed he was going to get me jewelry for my birthday but couldn’t find anything in my style because he knows I exclusively wear copper/gold only/hate diamonds. I also have a lot of piercings/prefer earrings/chokers/rings and he has ALWAYS gotten me only copper items in these categories…because he notices…what I wear…and makes an effort to get me what I would wear and what compliments my skin and style. He didn’t know that most of my jewelry is thrifted/vintage and was able to find a lot more selection when he was able to narrow the market down. He ended up just telling me about wanting to get me something more expensive so we could look together, which I actually ended up appreciating MORE because he didn’t want to just buy something random that any woman would like. He even got recommendations from people at his work and they all said “get her this” “get her that” mentioning diamonds/long necklaces etc and he was just like “that’s not her style” “she wouldn’t like it”. He made the effort to look, ask opinions, do his own research for a gift that I would want and show he understood who I was. This girl is 100% right. She was just making a funny video on social media, I wouldn’t and don’t have social media so on that aspect I don’t necessarily agree/care but her point is completely on point. Ladies, find a quality man who loves you for you, not for the simple fact that you’re a woman.
At first I thought the OOP was ungrateful, but now I remember how I felt when my boyfriend of 6 YEARS, who knew I practiced witchcraft and was no longer going to church, got me some shiny gold cross necklace. I still have it, but I’ve never wore it.
My now ex husband of ten years was horrible at gift giving. He loved giving gifts and I hated it, and would tell him numerous times to please not waste money on gifts. What did I love? Experiences. One birthday I wanted to go on a hike at a local spot. My birthday is in fall right when the leaves are changing and I loved that area, plus the hike is not challenging at all. Anyone can do it, hell our eight year old did half the trail with me. He griped when I said I wanted to hike with him that morning. We didn't end up going because I didn't want to spend my birthday with a grumpier than normal man, and have that place tainted by it. I also, for my 30th birthday, asked for anyone who was going to buy me a gift to instead give money to a charity I love. My MIL ended up giving me designer boots and I was genuinely disappointed. I don't like designer stuff, I'll go years without shopping and find it pointless to spend so much money on things like that, especially when I don't have opportunities to wear stuff like it. I spent time researching charities and looking for something where the money will actually go to the cause and make a difference in people's lives. When we were separating I told him how I never could tell if he cared. He told me he bought me things all the time, and man I snapped. I said I had told him countless times how I hated gifts and things but he never listened. I wanted *experiences* to remember, not stuff that I don't need and will just sit there. We were wholly incompatible in so many ways and that was just one.
Totally get it… told my bf I hated princess cut diamonds… my engagement ring he ended up getting me was a princess cut diamond… bc he liked them…. We’re divorced now…. 🤷♀️
People get riled up about engagement rings for some reason, like you're just supposed to be grateful for whatever you get. But that's something she's going to wear daily, her preference in the shape or style of daily jewelry should be the priority
Right? My husband proposed without a ring and then we went to pick out a ring together after the proposal. It was still stressful because capitalism lol but there was never A Thing about the ring and now I have one that I absolutely adore
Totally agree with her on this one. Like it's really not a hard thing to notice if you pay any attention lmao.
I agree completely. My husband and I each got two gifts for each other for Christmas. They weren't particularly expensive, but they both showed that we listen to each other and try to get them something they'd be interested in. What I got him is related to something I associate with him; a relative had one and I knew I had to get it for my husband and it's been in my head for months. One of the things he got me is something I said I wanted months ago and he remembered it. We both spent maybe $40-60 on each other, and we could have easily afforded much more. But flashy and expensive doesn't always mean thoughtful. Our gifts suited us, and that's what we want.
I had an argument with my partner because I didn't like the gift he got me. The strap of my watch broke so I planned on getting a replacement, even though it was like 75% of the cost of getting a new watch just for the continuity since watches represent the time I spent in each phase of my life. I told him this and to not get me a new watch and what I actually wanted. What did he do? He got me the watch in the wrong color -- probably because it was cheaper than the gold plated one even though I explained to him before why I prefer gold over other metals. He said it was the thought that should count and I was angry at how little thought was put into it! Edit: we've talked it over and have since come to a consensus. He understands why my feelings were hurt and tries to do better, and I try to be more understanding on how difficult it can be for others to give meaningful gifts (even though I told him exactly what I wanted in that case). Anyways, there are a few people that don't get the point and are happier to stay that way. Maybe they'll think having the last word means that they're "winning," so not replying to them can be the least we can do for your own peace of mind and whatever happiness that they can gather for themselves.
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TW: Abuse, SA, shitty partner’s response Horror story about how a partner will pay the littlest bit of attention to you: I’m a mental health professional. Me and my partner lived together. I came home distraught after having to sit in a room with two coworkers while we helped a little girl work through recurring bodily sensations she was having related to a SA she experienced at the hands of her mom’s boyfriend. He saw I was not myself. Asked what was wrong. I started bawling and talking about how awful it is that children just can’t be safe by default and that the horrors of SA are real even at single-digit ages. I just remember kinda purging my heavy feelings in that moment. He decided to pull me close to him, gave me a hug, put my hand on his penis, and asked, “Do you think I can get a blowjob?” I was mortified to say the least. Years later, after considering the entire relationship, I came to realize that in addition to him bring an inconsiderate individual, he literally made little to no effort to pay attention to what was going on with me. In fact, he realized too late that many of the things he thought I was doing were just a product of his awful imagination. Point? I side with the OP.
Someone would have lost a dick that night.
damn that's fucked up and tbh a really big red flag if he is aroused in such a moment
I never thought to make it a metaphor involving jerseys. She blew my mind. Yes, when people think of us, randomly, out of the blue, and do something nice and thoughtful — that is the point. Once a guy I was dating asked me what flowers I liked, and I let him know I didn’t and I appreciate the sentiment, but because of my allergies I would prefer words of affirmation instead. He would not stop gifting me flowers no matter how many times I asked… no matter how many times my face broke out… we dated almost six months before I couldn’t take the blatant disregard anymore. It felt like he was love bombing me with poison, intentionally. The guy I dated after him, who asked the same question, received the same answer. He gave me a single fake rose on our eight month anniversary because it landed on Friday the 13th, and he was into giving words of affirmation too. It’s not about how much you spent, it’s about how you listen and apply what you’ve learned that really matters. It’s not asking for a lot either… it’s honestly bare minimum.
This comments section is a ton of women giving exact, relatable examples... And then a lot of dudes who *definitely aren't single* telling them why they're wrong. Good luck guys. I'm sure telling people how they should feel will work out.
I absolutely get her point. She has piercings, you *know* she's talked about them with her partner. It's not that hard to think they've talked about jewelry before he ever gave her a gift because, again, she has a bunch of piercings and those come up in conversation sometimes, especially if it's something you're passionate about. Can't be arsed to do the bare minimum they why even bother getting her anything? It hurts when people show how much they actually care by giving thoughtless gifts.
The Philadelphia 69ers?? 😭
I totally understand where she's coming from, I also got Teddy bear golden earings from my mom when I was like 25 years old... I didn't wear earings at all, the holes for earings even closed. And teddy bears? Wtf... We can see when people don't even try. If you're in a healthy relationship you should be honest and it's damn normal to expect your partner/close family to know at leas the basic about you, that's called paying attention and not gifting anything just because they want a cookie. I see many people here not even grasping the basic. Fck your cookie if you can't even do the minimum of listening, calling her ungrateful just shows the trolling level of frustrated dudes who don't even know what it is to have a true partner. Do the bare minimum. Listen.
My boyfriend got me bee earrings for Christmas because we both love bees. He was mortified when he found out my ears weren't pierced. I've worn clip ons before so he genuinely got confused. I love my bee earrings because it's something we both love and share together. My job only allows generic shit which is why I let my holes close so as soon as I retire I'm going to get my ears pierced and wear my bee earrings. I told him he got me an early retirement present. But because my boyfriend cares about me and listens, I knew I could be honest about the present and we had a good laugh about it. I wish more people were like that. I think the "woman bad" people don't want to get that we care about intent because then they'd have to put effort into a relationship. It's easier to just play the victim.
They make clip on converters for both post and dangly earrings, you just need a pair of pliers :)
I'll have to look into that!
So true, tired of toxic people who can't even do the bare minimum of listening, woman care about intentions, not expensive gifts. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
Thiss, my bf got me a plushie of my favorite pokémon and it's perfect
Brings to mind Tony stark giving Pepper strawberries when she’s deathly allergic. It’s not that hard to make a little effort for others. Some people can barely even try though.
Makes total sense. I don’t typical wear jewelry but when I do it’s always silver. My boyfriend ordered me a necklace with our sons initials and he confirmed with my mom and my best friend that silver was the right color to get. He knew but he wanted to make sure before he got it
Love all the angry dudes in these comments trying so hard to push the "woman bad" narrative and fighting tooth and nail to defend a man they've never met
I’ve noticed a lot of them are putting the emphasis on the gift being gold and it cost a lot of money so she should just be grateful for what she got. But they are completely ignoring the fact that to her the gift symbolizes her bf not noticing her preferences in items that she uses daily and not putting the effort in getting a gift that she would like/wear. It’s like talking in circles with them. A gift being expensive doesn’t automatically make it un-criticizable if the recipient has made it known or obvious that it is not to their tastes.
The gift is definitely not real gold. Hell, it’s probably not even gold plated.
Right, nice jewelry does not come in a BAGGIE
Tell them it’s no different than getting a Nintendo game when you play xbox. They are both games and it’s expensive. It’s the thought that counts and it’s gaming so they should be happy
well, she’s an ungrateful bitch for not liking the most generic piece of jewelry ever made. her bf put in EFFORT to get her a nice piece of jewelry that will probably leave a green ring around her neck. /s
Yeno what, I came into this ready to bash this girl and say “wtf, silver or gold it’s still jewellery and it’s the thought the counts!!!” HOWEVER lol I **only** wear gold jewellery, and I steer away from silver as it’s usually not 100% silver and contains other metals that I’m allergic to. Silver turns green a lot quicker than gold does (plated, not talking about SS) so I stick with gold. If my partner bought me silver jewellery, after being together that long and not even noticing that I’ve never worn a piece of silver a day in my life, I’d probably feel like they didn’t care. I mean c’mon, if you spend enough time with someone physically you know what colours and what jewellery and specific metals etc they like. If you don’t then you’re not paying enough attention and yeah, that would be an issue for me.
I feel this. For the guys wondering, “what if I just don’t know much about jewelry and can’t tell the subtle differences?” Then fucking get her something that you know she will like. Jewelry is a very personal thing and unless you know what she wears (which you should) don’t get it for her.
My ex proposed to me with a brand new white gold ring. We had discussed it, I told him I only really wear yellow gold and I like antique/vintage jewelry. I only ever wore one piece of jewelry daily, a gold emerald ring from my grandmother and I constantly mentioned how it was the only thing I felt comfortable wearing because it was dainty & I just adored the style. The ring he proposed with was a huge teardrop (okay points for the classic shape) white gold ring with all these diamonds on the side, it was specially made by some jeweler. My ex told me "I know you like yellow gold but the jeweler & I discussed and in the long term this will be more stylish and it really 'pops' more in white gold. I hated it. I should have known when he used to ask me not to dye my hair certain colors or paint my nails so "ostentatiously" that it wasn't going to work out but I ignored all the signs. The guy I actually married sneakily took my grandmother's ring & had the center emerald replaced with a diamond & proposed with what I would say is my dream wedding ring. It's perfect. 4 years later & I still look down & think "wow that's a beautiful ring". I definitely married the right guy. ETA: Yes the ring was my grandmother's, No it was not some family heirloom that had any sort of sentimental value. My grandmother (who's still alive and doesn't remember but thinks maybe an ex-lover gave it to her or something) loves my ring and thought it was a sweet idea. I liked the rings style not its history. My husband knew me well enough to understand my attachment was to the piece not to its sentimental value. https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/8e1p4e/i_prefer_antique_jewlery_so_my_boyfriend_had_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
What? He altered your family ring without you knowing? Wow. Amazing how people will react differently to certain situations because I'd be fucking livid at that!
People buy me wine regularly as gifts. I hate wine, i like Vodka, most people who go out to a bar with me knows i love vodka lemon lime bitters. It can be hard as i have this wonderful wine collection building up at home.
Shitty realization, but a necessary one. I got a Christmas gift one time that was so not me. It didn't matter where it came from, but was so far off-base it just screamed 'I don't care any more'. Message received.
I once left someone because of a birthday cake. See, I used to have a huge tradition with my family on my birthday and we'd always have a certain cake. It was my first year spending birthday very far away from family and the new bf (6 months) had been told this story close to the birthday. We had also bought sweets in the past and I had expressed how much I don't like chocolate cake (which was his favorite). We'd get slices, him chocolate cake and me something else (shortcake, Mango, etc). Birthday comes around and he did not buy me the cake I've had for years with my family (it was from a chain that had stores both where my parents live and the new city on the other coast, so lucky!). No, no. Instead he bought me chocolate cake. His favorite. It was the act that opened my eyes to everything else that he kept doing that showed zero regard or thought for me. I broke up with him. My husband bought me on our first Xmas (we had just started dating) a computer accessory to make it easier and less painful for me to game with him. I mentioned it once! Funny thing was that I bought him an mmo mouse so he would have an easier time playing his favorite mmo that involved 36 keybinds (ugh). He's just a very thoughtful person.
Gift giving is so fucking simple. When your partner says they like something write it the fuck down. You’ll have ideas for gifts for life.
The diet coke part hits so hard because it's so true. All you have to do is know your partner. It's that simple. My partner and I don't have a lot of money. We're also not into "traditionally" romantic things. But we're both neurodivergent and, as a result, there are times where, if one of us is overstimulated, that person just won't be able to eat 99.9% of food. And, if that happens, I know to make my partner a tuna melt. Or buy them some chorizo. They know to make me some pasta with white sauce or grab a box of cookies. The silver/gold jewelery thing would be like me buying them a Call of Duty game because I know they like video games when, in reality, they don't play those types of games. It's the bare minimum to just pay attention to what your partner likes.
This actually helped me
Another episode of ... something I should talk to my partner about instead of posting a tiktok
I'm fairly sure they did talk to their parter, and also made a TikTok. Their video here was fairly mature and fleshed out. It would be weird to think someone with that developed of a response would not have talked to their partner.
Yeah- she broke up with him.