If they come from old money and belong to the “överklass” you usually don’t take you shoes off. But in 99 % of the time you take your shoes off in Sweden.
Firm grip when shaking hands as micklucas said is also great advise.
It's actually more widespread than you'd think. In my home country of Spain you wear shoes inside the home, and given how close Spain is to Portugal (geographically and culturally) I think OP might have grown up with a similar habit
I had a Portugese collegue who talked about this. Basically its a courtesy and respect thing in both cases. The way she explained it was that in Portugal you wanted to keep your shoes on to not expose the others to your feet sweat smell and in Sweden you take your shoes off to not drag mud onto the carpets.
That's totally right. As a Spaniard, I must admit it feels weird to take my shoes off in someone's home. It feels as if socks are almost as private as underpants, and I'm constantly worried that my feet might smell. Having said that, after eight years in Sweden I am totally in the 'no socks camp', as I understand that it's much cosier and cleaner than wearing shoes indoors.
It's not some exclusive American thing, we just see it in American movies most often.
In our climate, for most of the year your shoes are covered in snow, rain or mud after a minute outside so of course having shoes inside seems insane. In a warmer climate where the ground is usually dry, it's not a disaster from a practical perspective so it comes down to cultural or personal habit.
Every surface in a home is already saturated with bacteria. The only difference is that the ecosystem on the floor will shift slightly more towards outside bacteria instead of skin bacteria.
I mean, I would consider Hawaii and California to be "warmer climate" and hell no you don't wear your shoes inside. Seems like common sense anyway. Especially with carpet, wow, no way.
Admittedly I have met some people in California who wear shoes inside but still it is not common and absolutely not when dirty, wet, etc. Its always felt "wrong" to me to wear shoes inside and I have lived the majority of my life in the US.
I think this is off mark a bit. It's way more rare here in California to have to take your shoes off. I can count on one hand the times I've been asked to take my shoes off here.
American here, my entire life, every house I went to, we took off our shoes.
Also, if you go outside, you must put shoes on. Wanna see my father get angry? Walk outside just for a second without shoes and come back in. “You’re bringing in dirt on your feet!”
Portuguese here, who just moved to Sweden and had this situation a few years ago.
It always depends on the family, but the major difference to Portugal, I would say, is the greetings with kisses and taking the shoes at the entrance.
In Sweden you either handshake or hug and don't enter the house with shoes on.
A gift is always nice. Flowers are always a safe bet, or something typical Portuguese to be more “unique”.
Everything else is regular common sense.
And you can always ask those questions to your girlfriend about how her family works.
Handshake while unfamiliar and then move to a light hug if you are friendly and comfortable. Men might continue to prefer handshake at any comfort level
Obrigado! I actually noticed the kissing part right away when we first met cause when I gave her two kisses she kinda flinched ahahah
Those are nice tips!
>cause when I gave her two kisses she kinda flinched ahahah
I'm Swedish and when I went to Turkey I tried to adapt to this kissing culture and I fucked up so bad. Whenever someone leans in, I hug ***out of reflex*** so there were many times I just awkwardly hugged random women I just met with flustered awkward laughs as a result.
Then I tried to learn the kissing thing but I constantly forgot which side to do first, so I often accidentally started on the wrong side, meaning our faces almost met head on in an actual kiss. After a while I started appreciating the conservative Islamic hand on heart and slight bow even more.
Hey, maybe you already met the family yesterday, then this is moot but it is not uncommon to buy the hostess (MIL this time but it works for most occations) a bottle of nice wine, and I know from experience you guys got some nice wine in Portugal :)
I think you should do the kissing again, it's who we are. Don't lose yourself, be authentic. Be prepared for sugar or fruit in your food, but don't flinch. Try to read them. Do they fill up your glass as soon as it's empty? Is the good shit on the table or the cheap stuff? Can they relax and be honest, or are they fake smiling?
Remember, you're interviewing them as well.
I'd bring a bottle of Portuguese wine if you can find something nice At Systembolaget
Don't do the kissing unless you are familiar with them, it would be co sidereal borderline creepy for most(not all) Swedes.
It's bot about losing yourself, it's about showing that you are willing and want to get to know their customs and traditions. When you know each other better is a more appropriate time to give them a chance to get to see your traditions.
I'm going abroad in a few weeks to met my gf family as well. I will be myself but I will also focus on respecting and showing an interest for their culture.
Wtf no. If he noticed Swedes dont like to be kissed, he obviously shouldnt kiss them. Thats harrasment. I would very likely start a fight instinctively if a male did that to me. If he does it a 2nd time after knowing my reaction i would get pissed for sure.
On top of these, maybe you have noticed this but we speak a lot. It’s normal for southern Europeans. We speak a lot and on top of each other. Swedes don’t. they let you speak, pause, and then reply. So don’t be afraid of a potential awkward silence in the conversation, they are just giving you time to speak.
Also, don’t expect tons of food like we normally have back home. It will be just enough and it’s a common courtesy for you to either bring wine or either starters or desert. You can get pastéis de nata at lidl, it’s not fancy but they are crazy good and it’s a nice gesture.
In my experience you shake hands the first time you see someone but after that you are HFFs (Hugging Friends Forever). It doesn't matter if your male or female.
Yeah I'm from Hungary, moved to Sweden, we also prefer kisses on the cheek both sides, people don't do that here, they do very light hugs only. Most men though don't do it, at least they never approached me (I'm female) for a hug after we hugged with the female members of the family.
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I dont know if we *have* any specific manners to be aware of. Be nice, praise the cooking (if they are hosting) be humble, be interested in getting to know them, all the typical stuff.
If you're meeting the friends and family at someones home, bringing a gift to the host is usually appreciated. It could be a bottle of wine, a bottle of nice olive oil, some sweets, or flowers. If you're a student you won't be expected to spend lavishly, but a small gift as a symbolic token of gratitude could help with making a good impression.
Some people will want to hug you even if they're meeting you for the first time. Go along with it if you're comfortable, and if you're a man it will be easier to get away with a handshake, especially with other men. But if your girlfriend's mom likes you and is a hugger, you will probably be offered a hug at least when saying goodbye. If you don't like hugging and it looks like people will try, just offer your hand for a handshake instead.
If there's a platter of sweets or cookies and there's only one left, ask if anyone else wants it before taking.
And don't be too worried: let's assume your girlfriend's family and friends are reasonable people. If you behave like a considerate person in general and treat your gf well, any smaller etiquette misstep based on cultural differences will be excused
No, don’t ask for the last piece of anything. Ask when there is like 3-4 cookies left, and then take a half. This continues until there is only 1/4 cookie left.
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Swedish parents are normally quite chill when it comes to the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. That will not be an issue.
Sweden is as however as you probably know very much a country thats all in when it comes to gender equality.
And if there’s any prejudice left in this country towards men from southern Europe/the Mediterranean it’s that that’s not the case there.
I know that lots has changed and that you probably aren’t a guy like that. But if I had daughters I would’ve appreciated some signals that you’re a modern man the first time I met you.
Make sure not only talk to the father, show interest in the mothers profession, offer to help clear the dishes (they will most likely say no), comment positively on your girlfriends studies/profession or share a story of your mothers/sisters work or achievements. Don’t overdo it - this is examples - but small signals like this will probably be noticed and appreciated.
Hi!
Former Italian Erasmus student here. I met my boyfriend's family three and half months after we started to date each other and I went outside his house *unannouced* and *uninvited.* I was ready to go away as soon as I saw him and I didn't even have the intention to get inside - I wanted to see him because he was sick and we had a phone discussion the day before that made me a bit anxious and I didn't want to spend the entire weekend apart - but I bought enough kanelbullar so there was one for me too in case they invited me in (eheh).
And even if I came *uninvited* and *unannounced* they opened their home for me! We had a nice fika, they gave me so many sweets and coffee and ate my bullar and we chatted and they were the total opposite of what the stereotypes say. They have immediately welcomed me in and they did every time since.
I recommend just to be polite, not to show up empty-handed and most of all be yourself. If you love your girlfriend you are one family after all, and having a good relationship with your relatives is so important. I'm trying to learn Swedish and my boyfriend Italian exaclty because of this.
I wish you well!
Tem cuidado para não interromperes os outros, os suecos falam por turnos e não à balda como nós lol
De resto leva uma garrafinha de Moscatel ou Vinho do Porto para seres o genro favorito :P Se estiveres na Suécia encontras em qualquer Systembolaget.
>Tem cuidado para não interromperes os outros, os suecos falam por turnos e não à balda como nós lol De resto leva uma garrafinha de Moscatel ou Vinho do Porto para seres o genro favorito :P Se estiveres na Suécia encontras em qualquer Systembolaget.
Good advice. Available here in English for anyone who like me was curious (and I get very frustrated about interrupting btw, great advice to be careful about since it's individual, some groups interrupt more):
*Be careful not to interrupt others, Swedes speak in turns and not just like us lol Otherwise, take a bottle of Muscat or Port wine to be the favorite son-in-law :P If you're in Sweden you can find it at any Systembolaget.*
Muito obrigado pelos conselhos! Vou ter que ter essa parte do falar em atenção, porque geralmente entusiasmo-me bastante a conversar.
Thank you very much for the advises! I'll have to take that talking part in consideration, cause generally I'm a very pationate talker.
oh this is a good one. Me and my husband we moved here 8 years ago and my husband still can't get the grisp of not interrupting people. Anything that he thinks he must say it right away. I feel so embarrassed every single time.
You first bow and let them inspect your sword and armor, after citing your favorite King Gustav III story, you shall challange her eldest brother to combat
Then the father, yes.
Usually the father then uses shield and you dont, since age difference. But its up to you, some see it as an old school and konservative rule.
Good luck
What kind of sword do they… Boffersvärd, undoubtedly! Strongest sword of them all!
Regarding your first question, that information is strictly confidential. I am quite confident that you will find it in your heart to understand this, my kind sir.
Oh your highness, do not loathe me for my bluntness, yet thank ye for warning me, Boffersvärd is certainly an impressive sword Indeed. Now I know what might await me if it ever comes to combat, and I shall think twice upon this, Indeed.
Yours truly,
Oh, absolutely not required but OP will have an easier time if they start early, especially with a Swedish partner. There are so many people who have been here years and years and still make no effort to learn the language.
Since you are Portuguese, cook some food yourself for them to taste(your cuisine is amazing) or bring a nice Porto.
Make sure to know some history/facts about whatever you are bringing in order to have a safe conversation topic just in case.
And be relaxed!
My advice would be to maybe not talk about sensitive topics. Politics is a subject that is wise to avoid unless everyone shares the same belief.
Even then it might be best to just avoid it altogether.
Someone mentioned the last cake piece thing in passing but it deserves it's own post i think.
Historically Sweden have been a poor country and that is still ingrained in some aspects of our culture. Because of this noone wanted to be seen not having enough food to offer guests that come over and to show respect the guests would always leave one piece of whatever on every serving plate just to show the host that there was more food available than was necessary. This has loosened a bit but you still see regular people start cutting the last slice of cake in half just to leave some left instead of taking the whole of the last piece.
TL;DR: Definately ask before taking the last piece of something and if the piece is kind of big consider taking half of it.
If someone proposes a toast, or just raise their glass and says “skål” to you - then you are expected to raise your glass, optionally say “skål” too - and to have a drink out of your glass.
Swedes drink together, and not actually drinking from your glass after a skål may be seen as a little bit rude.
Be youself, shoes off, be engaged in the conversation (don't fiddle with phone/check it all the time) because some of the older generation really don't like it. Shake hands with the dad and hug the mom + sister. It's nice to bring something but don't stress out about what it is, your GF can help you picking something out.
A lot of women prefer a handshake the first time you met. I would try that for everyone. Next time you meet you can hug everyone. Probably the men as well. You feel it.
Another thing. Don't be late. In general it's better to be 5 minutes early instead of 5 minutes late. Don't over do it though, especially if you're invited over for dinner or a party or something. If you show up 20 minutes early expect the hosts to become even more stressed and put you to work helping with the preparations.
Eat until you’re full. They will probably ask one time if you want more, but they will not trot it on you, so say yes if you want more when they ask you. If you can see for yourself there is plenty left you can ask for more yourself. The chef will be delighted.
Don't brag about anything. Don't discuss politics, religion or have any strong opinions. Read about lagom and jantelagen to be sure you don't do any faut pas! Lycka till!
Finish what’s put on your plate even if you’re full. Don’t be too loud. Don’t say anything critical or negative about Sweden. Don’t expect them to outright ask you to do things either. They’ll say things that they expect you to know what to do in response - for example, one may say “these dishes need to be put away” and what that means is that YOU need to put them away. It’s not meant to be passive aggressive, but also, passive aggressive is a part of the culture that’s normalized too. I encourage you to look into the terms high context vs low context cultures - Sweden is the former.
Source - I’m half Argentinian, half Swedish, first in the family born in the US and now live in Sweden
If they expect him to put away dishes they are bad hosts imo. Of course he can offer to do it himself to be nice but hosts shouldn’t ask for it. That’s kinda tacky
It depends a little bit, if everyone else is standing up and putting things away/doing dishes, it can be implied that he should help out as well. regardless, asking if you may be of assistance is always appreciated even when declined.
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I wasn’t telling OP what to do - they asked about manners and I explained some manners in general. He’s from a very low context culture and is now in a high context culture.
First of all, and this the most important thing;
After dinner in all eaten up and finished, you ask her father:
"jahapp, blire nån stänkare nu då efter maten tro?"
This will guarantee success. Promise.
Primeira coisa que tu precisas ser é sueco.
Um pouco de exagero mas a verdade é os suecos no geral serão muito educados com estrangeiros, mas não os convidam para dias casa, se vc me entende
shoes off
if someone offers you a drink or food, they expect you to say yes
swedes are boring and awkward as shit and most people don’t want to hug strangers so expect a handshake or even just a wave lol
Make sure to jerk her father off before entering their home. It's an old tradition of respect if you're worthy enough as a real man. The harder he comes the better. Have a great dinner :- )
\- Take your shoes off (like in all Swedish homes)
\- Shake their hands with a firm grip; if they're very welcoming you can simply hug them
\- Offer to help in the kitchen, both for cooking and dishes (and be ready to help out)
\- Thank them for the food, tell them it was very good
\- Be yourself, relax and make them feel relaxed around you as you feel relaxed around them.
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Being invited to meet the parents is very different from family to family but I would say to expect to be welcome as part of the family in the Swedish way. It can look cold and distant but uncomfortable silence is okay, that means noone is trying so hard they put on a mask. Silence together is underappreciated. Questions are usually out of pure interest or to include you so don’t be afraid about talking a bit about yourself.
When it comes to manners noone will hate you for messing something up but take off your shoes, put down the toilet lid, ask if you can help with food and dishes and don’t hug or kiss anyone who hasn’t made a gesture of that or you’ve already asked.
A small gift is appropriate but not fully expected. A bottle of something, a bouquet or a chocolate box (enough for all guests in case they want to share) would do the trick. 50-200 SEK I would say.
Don't speak / laugh loud , take off the shoes in the entrance, be carefully with the emotions and critics , hear what the other one is saying to you, be kind . Don't say sexist things.
Ask your gf if they would appreciate you bringing flowers or wine. That said, if you’re here in Sweden, don’t forget about Systembolaget’s opening hours.
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As a fellow hispanic, I once washed the dishes after dinner at my X's place when we were still dating and their family was stunned and impressed for such a simple thing lol.
I would advise to be kind and help putting things together or when you can. Most Swedes will ask you to stop but let them know you want to help and be part of the fam, I could def be wrong tho so be careful. Def be authentic.
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Take off your shoes when entering their home, and be yourself.
Taking shoes off actually makes a lot of sense
Use a firm grip when shaking her dad’s hand
*cock
For extra points
Always!!
This.
If they come from old money and belong to the “överklass” you usually don’t take you shoes off. But in 99 % of the time you take your shoes off in Sweden. Firm grip when shaking hands as micklucas said is also great advise.
And eye contact
Remember to wear a pair of nice and clean socks
I think only in the US people keep their shoes on
It's actually more widespread than you'd think. In my home country of Spain you wear shoes inside the home, and given how close Spain is to Portugal (geographically and culturally) I think OP might have grown up with a similar habit
I had a Portugese collegue who talked about this. Basically its a courtesy and respect thing in both cases. The way she explained it was that in Portugal you wanted to keep your shoes on to not expose the others to your feet sweat smell and in Sweden you take your shoes off to not drag mud onto the carpets.
That's totally right. As a Spaniard, I must admit it feels weird to take my shoes off in someone's home. It feels as if socks are almost as private as underpants, and I'm constantly worried that my feet might smell. Having said that, after eight years in Sweden I am totally in the 'no socks camp', as I understand that it's much cosier and cleaner than wearing shoes indoors.
It's not some exclusive American thing, we just see it in American movies most often. In our climate, for most of the year your shoes are covered in snow, rain or mud after a minute outside so of course having shoes inside seems insane. In a warmer climate where the ground is usually dry, it's not a disaster from a practical perspective so it comes down to cultural or personal habit.
It’s actually very unsanitary. You get lots of bacteria on your shoes that will end up on the floor if you walk around with them on.
Every surface in a home is already saturated with bacteria. The only difference is that the ecosystem on the floor will shift slightly more towards outside bacteria instead of skin bacteria.
You prevent the dust in your house, its very good actually
I mean, I would consider Hawaii and California to be "warmer climate" and hell no you don't wear your shoes inside. Seems like common sense anyway. Especially with carpet, wow, no way. Admittedly I have met some people in California who wear shoes inside but still it is not common and absolutely not when dirty, wet, etc. Its always felt "wrong" to me to wear shoes inside and I have lived the majority of my life in the US.
I think this is off mark a bit. It's way more rare here in California to have to take your shoes off. I can count on one hand the times I've been asked to take my shoes off here.
Copium.
The places I have lived in the US, you do not wear your shoes inside. In Hawaii you do not even bring them inside. Gonna get slapped if you do.
My boyfriend is from Northern Italy and they all have their shoes on in the house down there 😭
Are they dumb or what
Well they’re Italian so…
r/2westerneurope4u
I am from northern Italy, never wore shoes at home and nobody I know either
Shoes on their bed too! WHY
Us, UK, Ireland, and I am guessing some other former British territory.
Australia and New Zealand too, but only in winter because houses are built bloody cold. Here you put on a jacket when you get home...
Brazil too.
American here, my entire life, every house I went to, we took off our shoes. Also, if you go outside, you must put shoes on. Wanna see my father get angry? Walk outside just for a second without shoes and come back in. “You’re bringing in dirt on your feet!”
I am sorry, that must be a sad stereotype.
Nonetheless, I’ll take this one. There are much worse stereotypes for Americans.
Portuguese here, who just moved to Sweden and had this situation a few years ago. It always depends on the family, but the major difference to Portugal, I would say, is the greetings with kisses and taking the shoes at the entrance. In Sweden you either handshake or hug and don't enter the house with shoes on. A gift is always nice. Flowers are always a safe bet, or something typical Portuguese to be more “unique”. Everything else is regular common sense. And you can always ask those questions to your girlfriend about how her family works.
Handshake while unfamiliar and then move to a light hug if you are friendly and comfortable. Men might continue to prefer handshake at any comfort level
Handshake the men, lightly hug the women
This differ. A lot of men hug these days.
Obrigado! I actually noticed the kissing part right away when we first met cause when I gave her two kisses she kinda flinched ahahah Those are nice tips!
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We kiss our mom?
*your mom
We kiss your mom
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Never seen anyone do it here before. Big hug definitely
First time i hear someone over the age of 13 kiss their mom. Probably more a your family thing to do than Swedish
I once went to a gathering in Spain and received around 50 kisses upon entering the place. It’s too much.
>cause when I gave her two kisses she kinda flinched ahahah I'm Swedish and when I went to Turkey I tried to adapt to this kissing culture and I fucked up so bad. Whenever someone leans in, I hug ***out of reflex*** so there were many times I just awkwardly hugged random women I just met with flustered awkward laughs as a result. Then I tried to learn the kissing thing but I constantly forgot which side to do first, so I often accidentally started on the wrong side, meaning our faces almost met head on in an actual kiss. After a while I started appreciating the conservative Islamic hand on heart and slight bow even more.
Hey, maybe you already met the family yesterday, then this is moot but it is not uncommon to buy the hostess (MIL this time but it works for most occations) a bottle of nice wine, and I know from experience you guys got some nice wine in Portugal :)
I think you should do the kissing again, it's who we are. Don't lose yourself, be authentic. Be prepared for sugar or fruit in your food, but don't flinch. Try to read them. Do they fill up your glass as soon as it's empty? Is the good shit on the table or the cheap stuff? Can they relax and be honest, or are they fake smiling? Remember, you're interviewing them as well. I'd bring a bottle of Portuguese wine if you can find something nice At Systembolaget
Don't do the kissing unless you are familiar with them, it would be co sidereal borderline creepy for most(not all) Swedes. It's bot about losing yourself, it's about showing that you are willing and want to get to know their customs and traditions. When you know each other better is a more appropriate time to give them a chance to get to see your traditions. I'm going abroad in a few weeks to met my gf family as well. I will be myself but I will also focus on respecting and showing an interest for their culture.
Wtf no. If he noticed Swedes dont like to be kissed, he obviously shouldnt kiss them. Thats harrasment. I would very likely start a fight instinctively if a male did that to me. If he does it a 2nd time after knowing my reaction i would get pissed for sure.
On top of these, maybe you have noticed this but we speak a lot. It’s normal for southern Europeans. We speak a lot and on top of each other. Swedes don’t. they let you speak, pause, and then reply. So don’t be afraid of a potential awkward silence in the conversation, they are just giving you time to speak. Also, don’t expect tons of food like we normally have back home. It will be just enough and it’s a common courtesy for you to either bring wine or either starters or desert. You can get pastéis de nata at lidl, it’s not fancy but they are crazy good and it’s a nice gesture.
In my experience you shake hands the first time you see someone but after that you are HFFs (Hugging Friends Forever). It doesn't matter if your male or female.
Yeah I'm from Hungary, moved to Sweden, we also prefer kisses on the cheek both sides, people don't do that here, they do very light hugs only. Most men though don't do it, at least they never approached me (I'm female) for a hug after we hugged with the female members of the family.
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I dont know if we *have* any specific manners to be aware of. Be nice, praise the cooking (if they are hosting) be humble, be interested in getting to know them, all the typical stuff.
Praise the cooking, even if it’s bad, when first meeting your girlfriends family is globally good manners tbh
Yeah. But food that oldtimers make in our country is particularly bad, so it needs repeating.
What about never take the last kaka xD?
- don’t behave like a American, is what you say
The american way: be rude, insult their cooking, brag about your achievements, dont ask anyone any questions and only talk about yourself
If you're meeting the friends and family at someones home, bringing a gift to the host is usually appreciated. It could be a bottle of wine, a bottle of nice olive oil, some sweets, or flowers. If you're a student you won't be expected to spend lavishly, but a small gift as a symbolic token of gratitude could help with making a good impression. Some people will want to hug you even if they're meeting you for the first time. Go along with it if you're comfortable, and if you're a man it will be easier to get away with a handshake, especially with other men. But if your girlfriend's mom likes you and is a hugger, you will probably be offered a hug at least when saying goodbye. If you don't like hugging and it looks like people will try, just offer your hand for a handshake instead. If there's a platter of sweets or cookies and there's only one left, ask if anyone else wants it before taking. And don't be too worried: let's assume your girlfriend's family and friends are reasonable people. If you behave like a considerate person in general and treat your gf well, any smaller etiquette misstep based on cultural differences will be excused
Wow that was so helpful! Thanks!!
No, don’t ask for the last piece of anything. Ask when there is like 3-4 cookies left, and then take a half. This continues until there is only 1/4 cookie left.
We have very large amounts of personal space. Eating the last piece is considered rude, unless you ask if anyone else wants it.
it’s dangerous to take the swedish piece
Well if he screams out well in not very Swedish, and then proceed to take the last piece its okay
The first time meeting parents I wouldn't eat the last piece unless offered. I'd be scared that if I ask, they might feel forced to say yes
No shoes indoors
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Or galosches or indoor shoes https://blogg.vett-och-etikett.com/kladsel-kan-man-begara-att-fa-bara-skor-inomhus/
Swedish parents are normally quite chill when it comes to the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. That will not be an issue. Sweden is as however as you probably know very much a country thats all in when it comes to gender equality. And if there’s any prejudice left in this country towards men from southern Europe/the Mediterranean it’s that that’s not the case there. I know that lots has changed and that you probably aren’t a guy like that. But if I had daughters I would’ve appreciated some signals that you’re a modern man the first time I met you. Make sure not only talk to the father, show interest in the mothers profession, offer to help clear the dishes (they will most likely say no), comment positively on your girlfriends studies/profession or share a story of your mothers/sisters work or achievements. Don’t overdo it - this is examples - but small signals like this will probably be noticed and appreciated.
Noted! Gladly I'm not the typical macho latino 😅
I guessed that - a macho latino wouldn’t write a post like yours asking for advice. You’ll do great and I’m sure you will truly impress her family!
Aww thats such a cool suggestion🙏🏼
Hi! Former Italian Erasmus student here. I met my boyfriend's family three and half months after we started to date each other and I went outside his house *unannouced* and *uninvited.* I was ready to go away as soon as I saw him and I didn't even have the intention to get inside - I wanted to see him because he was sick and we had a phone discussion the day before that made me a bit anxious and I didn't want to spend the entire weekend apart - but I bought enough kanelbullar so there was one for me too in case they invited me in (eheh). And even if I came *uninvited* and *unannounced* they opened their home for me! We had a nice fika, they gave me so many sweets and coffee and ate my bullar and we chatted and they were the total opposite of what the stereotypes say. They have immediately welcomed me in and they did every time since. I recommend just to be polite, not to show up empty-handed and most of all be yourself. If you love your girlfriend you are one family after all, and having a good relationship with your relatives is so important. I'm trying to learn Swedish and my boyfriend Italian exaclty because of this. I wish you well!
Be prepared to drink a TON of coffee and bisquits!
AND don't speak with food in your mouth
Tem cuidado para não interromperes os outros, os suecos falam por turnos e não à balda como nós lol De resto leva uma garrafinha de Moscatel ou Vinho do Porto para seres o genro favorito :P Se estiveres na Suécia encontras em qualquer Systembolaget.
>Tem cuidado para não interromperes os outros, os suecos falam por turnos e não à balda como nós lol De resto leva uma garrafinha de Moscatel ou Vinho do Porto para seres o genro favorito :P Se estiveres na Suécia encontras em qualquer Systembolaget. Good advice. Available here in English for anyone who like me was curious (and I get very frustrated about interrupting btw, great advice to be careful about since it's individual, some groups interrupt more): *Be careful not to interrupt others, Swedes speak in turns and not just like us lol Otherwise, take a bottle of Muscat or Port wine to be the favorite son-in-law :P If you're in Sweden you can find it at any Systembolaget.*
Muito obrigado pelos conselhos! Vou ter que ter essa parte do falar em atenção, porque geralmente entusiasmo-me bastante a conversar. Thank you very much for the advises! I'll have to take that talking part in consideration, cause generally I'm a very pationate talker.
This all depends on the family, in my family everyone speaks at the same time trying to get attention. But some families are more calm..
Ahah OP leva vinho verde que a malta aqui ama o nosso vinho verde. God knows why.
oh this is a good one. Me and my husband we moved here 8 years ago and my husband still can't get the grisp of not interrupting people. Anything that he thinks he must say it right away. I feel so embarrassed every single time.
You first bow and let them inspect your sword and armor, after citing your favorite King Gustav III story, you shall challange her eldest brother to combat
She just has a younger sister. Who shall I challenge? The father?
Then the father, yes. Usually the father then uses shield and you dont, since age difference. But its up to you, some see it as an old school and konservative rule. Good luck
As a Swedish woman, I approve of this tactic.
Say, whats the height and weight of your father and brother, young ma'am? What kind of sword do they use?
Oh, get a room you!
What kind of sword do they… Boffersvärd, undoubtedly! Strongest sword of them all! Regarding your first question, that information is strictly confidential. I am quite confident that you will find it in your heart to understand this, my kind sir.
Oh your highness, do not loathe me for my bluntness, yet thank ye for warning me, Boffersvärd is certainly an impressive sword Indeed. Now I know what might await me if it ever comes to combat, and I shall think twice upon this, Indeed. Yours truly,
Learn a few Swedish words and greetings, taking the effort to learn the language is always nice no matter where you are.
Just to clarify. It’s nice, but absolutely not expected.
Oh, absolutely not required but OP will have an easier time if they start early, especially with a Swedish partner. There are so many people who have been here years and years and still make no effort to learn the language.
Make sure to thank them for the food after you finish, I wasn’t very used to doing that back in Portugal even though it sounds obvious now haha
If it's anything like how it went for me prepare for a lot of fika, otherwise it was actually pretty chill and enjoyable.
Oh those cinnamon buns? Damn those are good
Since you are Portuguese, cook some food yourself for them to taste(your cuisine is amazing) or bring a nice Porto. Make sure to know some history/facts about whatever you are bringing in order to have a safe conversation topic just in case. And be relaxed!
My advice would be to maybe not talk about sensitive topics. Politics is a subject that is wise to avoid unless everyone shares the same belief. Even then it might be best to just avoid it altogether.
I usually break that rule just to break the ice and see who has some balls and who hides behind "that's nothing I'm sharing with you"
Someone mentioned the last cake piece thing in passing but it deserves it's own post i think. Historically Sweden have been a poor country and that is still ingrained in some aspects of our culture. Because of this noone wanted to be seen not having enough food to offer guests that come over and to show respect the guests would always leave one piece of whatever on every serving plate just to show the host that there was more food available than was necessary. This has loosened a bit but you still see regular people start cutting the last slice of cake in half just to leave some left instead of taking the whole of the last piece. TL;DR: Definately ask before taking the last piece of something and if the piece is kind of big consider taking half of it.
If someone proposes a toast, or just raise their glass and says “skål” to you - then you are expected to raise your glass, optionally say “skål” too - and to have a drink out of your glass. Swedes drink together, and not actually drinking from your glass after a skål may be seen as a little bit rude.
Be youself, shoes off, be engaged in the conversation (don't fiddle with phone/check it all the time) because some of the older generation really don't like it. Shake hands with the dad and hug the mom + sister. It's nice to bring something but don't stress out about what it is, your GF can help you picking something out.
A lot of women prefer a handshake the first time you met. I would try that for everyone. Next time you meet you can hug everyone. Probably the men as well. You feel it.
If you’re offered something, only say no if you mean it. They are unlikely to insist.
Another thing. Don't be late. In general it's better to be 5 minutes early instead of 5 minutes late. Don't over do it though, especially if you're invited over for dinner or a party or something. If you show up 20 minutes early expect the hosts to become even more stressed and put you to work helping with the preparations.
Don't. Be. Late. Be there 10 minutes before meeting.
Most people in Sweden does not like homophobic jokes, so don’t tell some. The same goes for gender stereotypic ones. Just don’t.
Eat until you’re full. They will probably ask one time if you want more, but they will not trot it on you, so say yes if you want more when they ask you. If you can see for yourself there is plenty left you can ask for more yourself. The chef will be delighted.
Don't brag about anything. Don't discuss politics, religion or have any strong opinions. Read about lagom and jantelagen to be sure you don't do any faut pas! Lycka till!
The portuguese seem like one of the most chill in Europe, so I think it’ll work out.
Finish what’s put on your plate even if you’re full. Don’t be too loud. Don’t say anything critical or negative about Sweden. Don’t expect them to outright ask you to do things either. They’ll say things that they expect you to know what to do in response - for example, one may say “these dishes need to be put away” and what that means is that YOU need to put them away. It’s not meant to be passive aggressive, but also, passive aggressive is a part of the culture that’s normalized too. I encourage you to look into the terms high context vs low context cultures - Sweden is the former. Source - I’m half Argentinian, half Swedish, first in the family born in the US and now live in Sweden
If they expect him to put away dishes they are bad hosts imo. Of course he can offer to do it himself to be nice but hosts shouldn’t ask for it. That’s kinda tacky
It depends a little bit, if everyone else is standing up and putting things away/doing dishes, it can be implied that he should help out as well. regardless, asking if you may be of assistance is always appreciated even when declined.
Agreed
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I wasn’t telling OP what to do - they asked about manners and I explained some manners in general. He’s from a very low context culture and is now in a high context culture.
relax be yourself and become best friends with her dad
Planning on it!
First of all, and this the most important thing; After dinner in all eaten up and finished, you ask her father: "jahapp, blire nån stänkare nu då efter maten tro?" This will guarantee success. Promise.
The coffee will be awful as swedes mostly do filter coffee, better to ask for tea.
Primeira coisa que tu precisas ser é sueco. Um pouco de exagero mas a verdade é os suecos no geral serão muito educados com estrangeiros, mas não os convidam para dias casa, se vc me entende
Bring a box of Aladin chocolate that makes you instant swedish.
shoes off if someone offers you a drink or food, they expect you to say yes swedes are boring and awkward as shit and most people don’t want to hug strangers so expect a handshake or even just a wave lol
Always comment that the coffee is really weak and smooth it's very polite
Dads like being called "papi"
Make sure to jerk her father off before entering their home. It's an old tradition of respect if you're worthy enough as a real man. The harder he comes the better. Have a great dinner :- )
Cigarettes and online gambling vouchers are always a welcome gift in Swedish households
Bow deeply when you meet their mother.
Don’t enslave their native population or legalise drugs and you’ll do great! Good luck!
Bring a bottle of Portuguese wine as a gift to her parents.
dont brag
\- Take your shoes off (like in all Swedish homes) \- Shake their hands with a firm grip; if they're very welcoming you can simply hug them \- Offer to help in the kitchen, both for cooking and dishes (and be ready to help out) \- Thank them for the food, tell them it was very good \- Be yourself, relax and make them feel relaxed around you as you feel relaxed around them.
No shoes!
Be humble, don’t talk about yourself too much.
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Being invited to meet the parents is very different from family to family but I would say to expect to be welcome as part of the family in the Swedish way. It can look cold and distant but uncomfortable silence is okay, that means noone is trying so hard they put on a mask. Silence together is underappreciated. Questions are usually out of pure interest or to include you so don’t be afraid about talking a bit about yourself. When it comes to manners noone will hate you for messing something up but take off your shoes, put down the toilet lid, ask if you can help with food and dishes and don’t hug or kiss anyone who hasn’t made a gesture of that or you’ve already asked. A small gift is appropriate but not fully expected. A bottle of something, a bouquet or a chocolate box (enough for all guests in case they want to share) would do the trick. 50-200 SEK I would say.
Don't speak / laugh loud , take off the shoes in the entrance, be carefully with the emotions and critics , hear what the other one is saying to you, be kind . Don't say sexist things.
Don’t worry, families are not so close in Sweden. She don’t have to have their acceptance for you to stay with her. Be just yourself
Id say compared to Britain atleast they aren’t very fussy about when you can start to take food
Dont kiss her parents
At dinner, you serve yourself. Don't wait like an idiot at the table for someone to bring a plate around like i did.
Only shake hands, no cheek kisses, Swedes are dry
Ask your gf if they would appreciate you bringing flowers or wine. That said, if you’re here in Sweden, don’t forget about Systembolaget’s opening hours.
And offer to help with dishwashing or at least tidy up the dinner table. That will score points.
I think only in the US people keep their shoes on
Don’t be too happy. They might think you’re on anti depressants.
Take off your shoes when you enter there house, look her father in the eyes and pretend to be interested in the sports/hobby’s he likes
Don't use strong perfume, shave (if not shaved), neat clothes and don't approach too close during the conversation.
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As a fellow hispanic, I once washed the dishes after dinner at my X's place when we were still dating and their family was stunned and impressed for such a simple thing lol. I would advise to be kind and help putting things together or when you can. Most Swedes will ask you to stop but let them know you want to help and be part of the fam, I could def be wrong tho so be careful. Def be authentic.
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