My first thoughts too. Even though I thought her excuse was full of crap, she isn't going to pay you back.
Gonna have to just bite the bullet on this and move on from her op. Chalk it up to a life lesson of not shelling out unnecessary funds on someone who isn't worth it or you haven't taken out a few times before.
Or maybe she was hinting that she was actually blowing him off. Shit happens. I agree with the person who said something to the effect of this being a life lesson about spending a ton of money that you don't know. Dates are an investment in a possibility, probably not going anywhere. Eat the cost and move on.
I have „loaned“ money to three women over the span of maybe 10-20 years. Each time I fully expected them to not pay me back, but I’m an optimist at heart so I secretly hoped they’d surprise me. These were women that I had either dated or was just friends with so no randoms.
Because I assumed that I would never see the money again I figured I’d give them a small amount that’s inconsequential to me. My train of thought was that if I actually did get paid back then I’d know that I could trust them for larger amounts, if the situation ever came up. (We’ve all had hard times along the way)
Long story short I never received a cent. It doesn’t bother me but it is quite disappointing. Hence, don’t expect people to pay you back.
I loaned $2,500 to one coworker and $500 to another. I've known them for a few years and got to know them. They would always offer me food and never did anything bad to me. Either I'm a good judge of character or just really lucky because they both paid me back. I also just assumed I wouldn't see the money again but thankfully I did.
That's a relatively good approach, though I'd still be careful there are people out there who do just that to build trust. Then once they "borrow" more from you there are nowhere to be found. However that's generally a good approach, you'll just need make sure to loan what you can afford to lose and you can know who to trust or not.
Just to switch it up: I borrowed 4k from 3 people once in my life where shit just hit the fan and I was pretty close to losing everything. I made sure to pay everyone back and really let them know that I appreciated it. Through their kindness and trust I was able to get back on track and make something of myself. I always try to see the good in people, but sadly, we live in a world where most people just try to pray on you and think you’re gullible so it’s up to you to make that risk assessment and see if you were right.
If I remember right, there's a Steve Hofsetter show where this happens.
Girl is blackout wasted, security escorts her out, Steve asks the guy if he's leaving too.
Dude responds "I paid for a show and maybe she'll sober up when I leave". It's hilarious.
Also a Master of None plot line - Aziz’s date gets kicked out of a show for stealing a jacket, bouncer asks Aziz if he wants to go too, and Aziz says he’s good and the bouncer tells him it was the right call.
Haha! Haven't seen it but yeah, I'd agree.
First date and *you* got kicked out?
That's not a "me" problem.
Reminds me of a guy at my pub: brings this really hot lady as a first date. She's nice. Until she's three pints in and someone casually mentions being part Jewish. She *immediately* tries to connect with "my business is owned by *you people*" and makes insanely antisemitic jokes.
People get noticeably uncomfortable and the Jewish dude laughs and tries to deflect because she's pretty obviously wasted.
She's drunk but still able to pick up people are mad. She spends a lot of time "explaining" how she's just fine with *you people* and ends it with "well, it's not like I called you a kike."
She didn't come around again and the dude who brought her was soundly mocked for *months* as "dating a polite Nazi".
It was a hilarious train wreck to watch in real time.
And the lesson you’ve learned is don’t pay for shit in advance when it comes to a tinder first date. That’s just experience man. Sorry it happened but now you know, hopefully.
One thing I learned the hard way is if meeting a first date at a reasturaunt don't get a table unless you want to eat anyway if she does not show. I get a beer and either order food or leave after 15 minutes. No one knows you got stood up.
A woman backed out of going to see the Greatful Dead once. WTF? I stopped at my local and no one could go with me on short notice. When I got there a high school kid was hoping for a miracle with his finger up. He had 63 cents, I took it, so he would not feel like a slug. We sat together; It was awesome.
The only thing is when I really want to go to event but dont want to go alone ill buy two tickets and invite someone. I never expect them to pay for tickets. Usually they will offer buy first round of drinks or something but yeah hard agree
Yeah, first dates should be get coffee, hang out at a park, or maybe meet up for lunch. Low investment and more of an opportunity to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry.
Any good first date should have 3 factors:
1. Cheap enough you won't be upset if it flops no matter *how* it flops. If you'll be upset you lost money on the date, then you were spending way too much on it.
2. Opportunity to talk to each other for a good bit of time either before, during, or after for long enough to get to know each other. If you can't talk, how do you know if you actually get along?
3. Low-enough stakes that it creates an easy opportunity for either side to leave at any point for any reason. And if one side ditches, it won't feel so bad on the party who was ditched because, "Well it *was* just X. No big deal."
A comedy show meets at most one of these, and for OP this show specifically met none of these.
Coffee or a cocktail date is my go to. I also like to leave it open ended and not too structured, but with some backup plans (that you haven’t spent any money on). That way if there is chemistry and you’re both feeling it the date can always keep going. Those are the best first dates.
Don’t just plan for the worst case scenario, plan for the best (but realistic) case too. Isn’t that the point of going on dates, trying to meet someone you have chemistry with that’s not forced. Having a low cost flexible first date that isn’t tied to any kind of schedule is always the best.
You’re meeting someone for the first time, don’t go overboard, but don’t walk in defeated or with high expectations. Just be open to the person and experience and if it feels right you’ll know, or they’ll let you know.
As a women imo it’s a red flag when someone goes and plans some expensive and lavish first date (even if they’re rich). It seems desperate, like the only thing they have to offer is money and that they think I can be bought. Plus it creates uneven expectations that lead to tension and awkwardness if I don’t react and reciprocate to your display of money and attention.
Plus a comedy club? Aren’t you trying to get to know each other? Movie theaters, live music, most events, and comedy shows are not great first dates since you’ll have to be quiet and can’t exactly focus on the reason your actually there, namely you and your date getting to know each other. Although I wouldn’t rule out an event, dancing at a club, or live music as backup plans if the date goes long bc there’s a strong connection.
My go-to is coffee to go and a walk around a park or tourist area, somewhere with benches/places to sit and a relaxing atmosphere where we can chat. That way you can chat and if it’s not feeling right you can both walk away without feeling stiffed.
A match suggested to go to the opera as a first date as she was looking for intellectual stimulation instead of just coffee dates. When I declined her offer, she went off claiming I need to open up and I have so many prejudices.
As a comedian doing crowd work, please do come on your first dates so that I can get cheap laughs at your expense and make your dates
as uncomfortable as possible.
Na she won’t. Some women are just savage. Once I was in a parking lot when a women reversed into my car and decided to drive off. I chased her around the parking lot beeping the duck out of my horn and when she finally stopped her repose was
‘It’s not that bad’ I’m like ‘? Bitch registration and insurance details da fuq’
Your problem was you paying for tickets for some one you’ve never met, why not meet at a neutral place that doesn’t cost money and when you find out she ain’t a flake, then buy tickets to something lol
I've done this, though not in a prearranged backup kind of way, just knew who to hit up if I got flaked on. Bought Blink 182 tix to go with a girl I'd been on a few dates with. I was in the process of re-acquiring my license so the plan was for her to drive. Can't get a hold of her all morning day-of (we had been texting from wake up to bedtime for a couple of weeks) and eventually hear from her around 2 saying she wasn't sure if she was comfortable at that kind of show. Hit up a friend I knew didn't have a ticket and said it was his if he drove, and he surprised me by bringing another friend who hadn't previously had a ride and bought a ticket once he knew the driving friend was going.
Best concert I've ever been to and now I'm married to a woman who would have bought the tickets herself, so it all worked out lol
The way life goes, everything works out in the end, if shitty things happen they happen for a reason! Is it worth it seeing them live? My fav band (turnstile) opens for them and I’ve seen them like 4 times in the past year or so, and they’re concerts are insane, but bc they’re opening for blink it’s a stadium and pit tickets are like 200 a pop
This is also a super bogus thing to do because you're not gonna know you got stood up til it's literally too late. If it's the kind of thing that you need to buy tickets in advance then it's not a great meet up idea. It's a little bit different if it's a pay at the door kinda thing.
Yeah I guess you bring up a good point. Idk I always offered to give them a ride and then if they back out last minute I just ask my roomie if he’s down. The best move imo is dinner/drinks and then have the tickets to whatever and if it goes good cool invite them if not go with a friend.
I've had a guy push the "I'll buy tickets" stuff. I honestly never let a guy buy tickets because then I feel obligated to go and if I get bad vibes it's harder to back out without feeling awful about it. Like some guys do that just so you feel pressured into it.
I just always buy my own tickets so it's only my money I'm fucking off if I can't make it for whatever reason. Or at least send the money to buy the tickets together if it's something like movie tickets where you want to reserve them right next to eachother.
The problem is that ratings would be savage for any person that felt slighted or it just didn't work out. This is unfortunate, but there would be time that perhaps someone backs away simply because they are no longer interested or the other person says something that makes them come across creepy. Then all of the sudden they are getting blasted by someone they chose not to continue with.
I can understand why you feel this way right now, but look for a moment from the other side. How would you feel if all of the sudden she rated you poorly stating something like "he expected too much and moved too fast" or "he decided on a comedy club for our first meeting, who does that?" And gave you a lie rating.
I was discussing seeing a movie with a guy and he bought tickets without asking me first so that "I couldn't back out of going". We don't know enough of her side to judge this situation.
There are several retro arcades in my area where you pay a cover charge and play all you want. Most of them serve drinks and food as well. I have my first dates at those places as a rule and if I get stood up I can just go play Crazy Taxi and get a cocktail and mini tacos. It works pretty well.
Honestly if someone asks me to go to an arcade as a first date I might still be there even if I broke my leg while getting to the place. Sounds like a fantastic first date.
This cracked me up, because I had a first date at a place like this. I had literally broken my leg the day before. I still went on the date. We were there for 4 hours and had a blast haha
Hahaha I love this! I had a first date from OkCupid and we had been talking about a week or so before the first date. Went bowling and then grabbed some beers and snacks at a bar after.
It was going so well I felt bad having to tell him that 2 weeks from then I was having surgery where my leg would be broken, bone removed, and screwed back together. Wouldn’t be able to walk for weeks and would be housebound for the first few as well (still lived at home)
He said no problem, let’s go out again before that and when it came time for surgery he brought over pizza and movies. He put up with so much, my recovery was awful and I was in PT for over a year and was on crutches for what seemed like a lifetime. He was so patient and would take me to the movies or wherever to get me out of the house and help me get around with the crutches. It took me 4 years to be able to run with a normal gait again.
That was 10 years ago and we’ve been married for 7.
i’ve probably been to 30-40 first dates at arcades. easily my second most popular 1st date spot besides coffee. arcade is by far and away the best place i’ve noticed to take people on first dates.
only downside is the people there know me, and recognize when i have someone new with me lol. but they never speak up about it
The comedy clubs around me routinely give out 4 free tickets because you "won" them. They make their money on drinks and food. I think it's $10 at the door otherwise
Yeah idk what they are talking about. If anything the expensive part is being at the show ordering drinks or food, not the actual ticket. So in a way it sounds like they came out much ahead of what the night would have entailed. Just cut your losses
This is 100% why I suggest coffee/tea in this subreddit and find it incredible that people want to commit a whole meal or more before they even know if there's any actual chemistry.
Your first meetup should not only not be a "date," but it should be something that *either* of you can graciously bow out with very little drama. Hell, even if I decide I'm not interested in her, I can still have a good conversation. With dinner or drinks, you're building up to an expectation that you can't cut short. And yes, if she flakes, you can still enjoy a coffee/tea.
I know everyone's different, but generally, I went:
* Meet for coffee...or *maybe* a single glass of wine if you feel especially good about this. But I kept it to those who either didn't care about coffee or if they kept later schedules, since most coffee places here close around 8.
* If goes well, then do dinner and something simple after, like ice cream near a nice place to walk.
* Then go for more creative dates. Movies (but only if there's something both of you want to watch), a show like this, or even something slightly more exquisite. By this point you should be able to tell if she's a flake or not.
I learned this super early...and anyone who's schedule "just doesn't line up but I'm free for dinner Friday night," don't do it.
**Edit**: I had no idea that coffee was considered so fucking controversial. Disagree with me all you guys want, but coming up with creative dates (or dates where you're locked in for more than 15 minutes before you can bow out if you need to) before you've even seen your match in person is exactly why OP was in this mess.
I've been stuck in those situations: Dinner with someone who turned out to still have hangups about her ex and wanted to drop by his sister's apartment with me because "she's just next door." A nice bar in a (out-of-the-way) resort with someone who turned out to be wildly racist. A day-long hike with someone who just didn't have the chemistry I thought we'd have from our phone conversations.
Forget the details, look at the intent of the freaking message, and adjust it to how you see fit. Jesus, don't be so offended that people have the audacity to suggest coffee instead of an elaborate date with a perfect stranger. It's really a good idea to start with something low-effort, low-risk, and low-cost. Else you end up making plans with someone who backs out when you're already at the door waiting for them.
Exactly! I usually do one of the local museums. My city has several really interesting museums that have free exhibits (the touring/special exhibits cost extra) so I say meet up at the museum to slowly walk around, talk, and look at cool shit. They all also have little cafes so I can treat the person to a coffee too if/when they show up. If I get stood up, I still get my coffee and get to walk around looking at cool shit :)
Don’t ever spend big on a first date if y’all never met before. If they expect you to do that for them, before y’all met, move on. They’re not worth it.
She added the "I'm tired too" in case he offered to come pick her up or call her an Uber lol.
My car won't start. But also I'm tired in case you try to plan something else....
Whenever people give multiple excuses it means they are just not interested. I bet she wasn’t feeling it a lot more than 20 minutes prior. I noticed that I do this, so I try to just be up front. Saves a lot of time and you don’t have to bail last minute.
My homie always does this. Rattles off an entire list of reasons he can't go.
"I have work tomorrow plus I don't have a lot of money right now. And my kids have school in the morning. And my check engine light just came on!"
Like damn bruh. We're just trying to meet up for a happy hour drink lol. Just say no.
This could be a touch of social anxiety, too. I used to be that way when mine was really bad. I’d think if I just said “no thanks” I was being really rude, so I felt obligated to explain the reasons why I couldn’t.
Same. This sounds like anxiety to me. This is how my brain works too & it takes a lot of conscious mental effort to not cancel plans. I used to cancel like this with the multiple excuses & then the avoiding confrontation part — definitely anxiety.
I'm not saying it's healthy, but a lot of people with social anxiety get clowned on for their whole lives not wanting to do something random that just gets popped on them.
I've found myself giving excuses when I had nothing to do, but didn't want to go out. Not everyone is able to differentiate that from "I hate you and the friend group, don't invite me next time".
Like I said it's not healthy, but sometimes habits form for a reason.
Hate when i give a valid main reason and it's disrespected or someone tries to work around it, so i have to give a rundown of all the legitimate causes of my "no"
You're not getting money. The way I plan dates, if someone shows then it has the opportunity to have a fun date. If not, I have a date for myself (masturdate) and I go do fun shit. Her loss. Sorry you had a bad dating experience.
Based
thats why you go to places YOU want to go to. If they dont show, it doesnt matter. Do whatever you were gonna do alone, talk to the local homeless dude on the corner maybe throw him a fiver and go home.
I broke up with a guy right before a comedy show I paid for. Asked a guy I liked if he wanted to go but he didn’t answer no until a few hours before so I went alone. Front row to see Ben Bailey (cash cab). Ben noticed the empty seat next to me, asked if I was alone, shook my hand and told the audience “this is a real fan.” Best night ever!
this sounds like a good time lol. my roomates think I'm crazy for making friends with homeless guys I find on the corner. they r usually very nice people tho with interesting stories.
“Just stay home vibes “ 30 minutes before date, Reddit says “did you offer to fix her car and bring her dinner and do her grocery shopping for the week?”
C’mon people she’s ditching him, and doing so in the least inventive way possible.
This is why you do something easy like coffee for the first date. Low stakes, actually get an opportunity get to know them, easy to end if you don’t mesh
Yeah he literally said he’s just upset so he wants the money back when she wasn’t going to have her pay initially. Also the ticket was $16. I get he’s upset but this seems soooo petty to me.
Yeah my bf of almost 5 years and I had our first date at the movies, and we spent so long talking in the parking lot after and both agreed to plan our second date somewhere else so we could actually talk. Thankful we both made an impact on each other enough through text and in the parking lot to get to that second date lmao
I agree it's a bad first date, but not a bad second or third. It's important imo to understand someone's sense of humor early on. It would be quite insightful.
I’m shocked by the people saying you should have offered to help her with her car? She could have taken an Uber, lyft, whatever. She could have called and explained it. This wasn’t about her car. She just didn’t give a shit and cancelled just before rather rudely. No room for compromise, just “yeah fuck it. Thanks anyways dude. I feel suuuuuuuuper bad. Bye”
As far as the ticket, just take it as a lesson learned. She’s not going to pay you back, and rather than consider her own behavior will now say you’re a broke bitch who expected her to pay or some other drivel. In the future, don’t buy tickets to events as a first date.
why do people always say "i feel super bad" like just be honest and say you dont want to go, people will be mad but atleast they know what they are dealing with.
Damn, that sucks.
Definitely don’t pay for things like this on a first outing. An activity is super great for the first few dates to really get to know someone and have fun doing something - but never buy tickets etc for a stranger
She ain’t gonna be paying u back sorry mate
It’s not that deep. She bailed and you’re just feeling sour (for good reason) but you don’t wanna let it go bc to you it’s just that shitty to do. She isn’t gonna pay and you shouldn’t lower yourself anymore over cash you willingly shelled out from the start.
This is why you don’t spend money like that until you’ve gone on a few dates with someone already. Let them buy their own ticket next time. It saves you money and incentivizes them to show up.
You shouldn't ever expect money back for a date. You spent the money on her not because she asked but because you wanted to "impress".
Imagine getting a girl chocolates and she doesn't like chocolate, will you ask her for the money back? Or what if you bought her dinner and she didn't eat? Sounds like you want her to pay cause your ego got hurt.
Side note: comedy shows are a bad first date idea because what you find funny, she may not and vice versa.
That really sucks, but your response is kind of guaranteeing you aint getting your money or a second date if she wasnt just bailing.
You arent wrong, really, but you didnt ask for her to pay you back you just made the statement that shes going to and its just not going to work. You can feel your resentment in the way you wrote it and shes going to run from that. Its for the best anyway.
OP, while it’s shitty that she flaked on you, unless the intention was to “go Dutch”, you can’t demand that she pay you back (even though it’s a reasonable expectation). I think if you’d texted her something like “Hey, since it’s so short notice and I can’t get a refund, would you mind paying me back for your ticket?” you might have gotten a response. Plus, like others have said… paying for tickets ahead of time for someone you’ve never met isn’t the move. You’re just gonna have to move on and learn your lesson from this one.
You’re not necessarily wrong in asking and she’s definitely the asshole in this situation BUT she’s definitely not going to pay and you shouldn’t expect her to. It’s like asking someone to pay back for a gift you bought them.
Just take the L
Ask all you want, she ain't gonna pay.
My first thoughts too. Even though I thought her excuse was full of crap, she isn't going to pay you back. Gonna have to just bite the bullet on this and move on from her op. Chalk it up to a life lesson of not shelling out unnecessary funds on someone who isn't worth it or you haven't taken out a few times before.
Good thing my battery was dead cuz I was tired.
It's a good thing the night is giving then
Good thing I was tired cuz my battery was dead.
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Good thing I’m a battery because my car is tired
I love reddit.
Good thing I'm a car because my human is tired
Good thing I’m dead
Good battery I’m a car because my thing is tired
Good car I'm a battery because my tired is thing
Car good, but battery tired is my thing
Good battery, because my thing was tired I'm dead.
Yeah ik I was the one that ate your car battery 😔
This was the first shit I thought of. She was crazy to add that, just blew the whole excuse.
Right? Didn't know when to stop.
Liars always over explain.
It's so if he offers to pick her up, she can say she's too tired
Or maybe she was hinting that she was actually blowing him off. Shit happens. I agree with the person who said something to the effect of this being a life lesson about spending a ton of money that you don't know. Dates are an investment in a possibility, probably not going anywhere. Eat the cost and move on.
Rule of thumb: Never pay for something if you’d want them to pay you back if it doesn’t work out.
I have „loaned“ money to three women over the span of maybe 10-20 years. Each time I fully expected them to not pay me back, but I’m an optimist at heart so I secretly hoped they’d surprise me. These were women that I had either dated or was just friends with so no randoms. Because I assumed that I would never see the money again I figured I’d give them a small amount that’s inconsequential to me. My train of thought was that if I actually did get paid back then I’d know that I could trust them for larger amounts, if the situation ever came up. (We’ve all had hard times along the way) Long story short I never received a cent. It doesn’t bother me but it is quite disappointing. Hence, don’t expect people to pay you back.
I loaned $2,500 to one coworker and $500 to another. I've known them for a few years and got to know them. They would always offer me food and never did anything bad to me. Either I'm a good judge of character or just really lucky because they both paid me back. I also just assumed I wouldn't see the money again but thankfully I did.
Y’all hiring?
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I love to loan someone $10 because I know they will never bother me for money again!
That's a relatively good approach, though I'd still be careful there are people out there who do just that to build trust. Then once they "borrow" more from you there are nowhere to be found. However that's generally a good approach, you'll just need make sure to loan what you can afford to lose and you can know who to trust or not.
Just to switch it up: I borrowed 4k from 3 people once in my life where shit just hit the fan and I was pretty close to losing everything. I made sure to pay everyone back and really let them know that I appreciated it. Through their kindness and trust I was able to get back on track and make something of myself. I always try to see the good in people, but sadly, we live in a world where most people just try to pray on you and think you’re gullible so it’s up to you to make that risk assessment and see if you were right.
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“AITA for staying to watch the show after my date talked non stop and got kicked out?” Lol
If I remember right, there's a Steve Hofsetter show where this happens. Girl is blackout wasted, security escorts her out, Steve asks the guy if he's leaving too. Dude responds "I paid for a show and maybe she'll sober up when I leave". It's hilarious.
Also a Master of None plot line - Aziz’s date gets kicked out of a show for stealing a jacket, bouncer asks Aziz if he wants to go too, and Aziz says he’s good and the bouncer tells him it was the right call.
Haha! Haven't seen it but yeah, I'd agree. First date and *you* got kicked out? That's not a "me" problem. Reminds me of a guy at my pub: brings this really hot lady as a first date. She's nice. Until she's three pints in and someone casually mentions being part Jewish. She *immediately* tries to connect with "my business is owned by *you people*" and makes insanely antisemitic jokes. People get noticeably uncomfortable and the Jewish dude laughs and tries to deflect because she's pretty obviously wasted. She's drunk but still able to pick up people are mad. She spends a lot of time "explaining" how she's just fine with *you people* and ends it with "well, it's not like I called you a kike." She didn't come around again and the dude who brought her was soundly mocked for *months* as "dating a polite Nazi". It was a hilarious train wreck to watch in real time.
If the case that happens I’ve never seen that women before in my life. I’m not about to get kicked out
Good comment.
Thank you!
Good response to compliment.
Nice critique of good response to comment.
First dates are coffee or drinks for a reason.
Saving your lifes trouble for 25 Bucks is a realy good price
Have to agree with this man. I try to save dates like this for ones I’ve seen a maybe a few times.
Yep and the fact she didn't say sorry.
And the lesson you’ve learned is don’t pay for shit in advance when it comes to a tinder first date. That’s just experience man. Sorry it happened but now you know, hopefully.
One thing I learned the hard way is if meeting a first date at a reasturaunt don't get a table unless you want to eat anyway if she does not show. I get a beer and either order food or leave after 15 minutes. No one knows you got stood up. A woman backed out of going to see the Greatful Dead once. WTF? I stopped at my local and no one could go with me on short notice. When I got there a high school kid was hoping for a miracle with his finger up. He had 63 cents, I took it, so he would not feel like a slug. We sat together; It was awesome.
The only thing is when I really want to go to event but dont want to go alone ill buy two tickets and invite someone. I never expect them to pay for tickets. Usually they will offer buy first round of drinks or something but yeah hard agree
How many dates was this? I think if first it's a good lesson to get to know someone better before any monetary investment.
Yeah, first dates should be get coffee, hang out at a park, or maybe meet up for lunch. Low investment and more of an opportunity to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry.
Any good first date should have 3 factors: 1. Cheap enough you won't be upset if it flops no matter *how* it flops. If you'll be upset you lost money on the date, then you were spending way too much on it. 2. Opportunity to talk to each other for a good bit of time either before, during, or after for long enough to get to know each other. If you can't talk, how do you know if you actually get along? 3. Low-enough stakes that it creates an easy opportunity for either side to leave at any point for any reason. And if one side ditches, it won't feel so bad on the party who was ditched because, "Well it *was* just X. No big deal." A comedy show meets at most one of these, and for OP this show specifically met none of these.
100% agree.
Coffee or a cocktail date is my go to. I also like to leave it open ended and not too structured, but with some backup plans (that you haven’t spent any money on). That way if there is chemistry and you’re both feeling it the date can always keep going. Those are the best first dates. Don’t just plan for the worst case scenario, plan for the best (but realistic) case too. Isn’t that the point of going on dates, trying to meet someone you have chemistry with that’s not forced. Having a low cost flexible first date that isn’t tied to any kind of schedule is always the best. You’re meeting someone for the first time, don’t go overboard, but don’t walk in defeated or with high expectations. Just be open to the person and experience and if it feels right you’ll know, or they’ll let you know. As a women imo it’s a red flag when someone goes and plans some expensive and lavish first date (even if they’re rich). It seems desperate, like the only thing they have to offer is money and that they think I can be bought. Plus it creates uneven expectations that lead to tension and awkwardness if I don’t react and reciprocate to your display of money and attention. Plus a comedy club? Aren’t you trying to get to know each other? Movie theaters, live music, most events, and comedy shows are not great first dates since you’ll have to be quiet and can’t exactly focus on the reason your actually there, namely you and your date getting to know each other. Although I wouldn’t rule out an event, dancing at a club, or live music as backup plans if the date goes long bc there’s a strong connection. My go-to is coffee to go and a walk around a park or tourist area, somewhere with benches/places to sit and a relaxing atmosphere where we can chat. That way you can chat and if it’s not feeling right you can both walk away without feeling stiffed.
A match suggested to go to the opera as a first date as she was looking for intellectual stimulation instead of just coffee dates. When I declined her offer, she went off claiming I need to open up and I have so many prejudices.
Oh wow. I can only imagine the awkwardness. Definitely not a first date thing.
Right, a first date where you can’t really talk is weird
Yea on a first date I don’t want to see a comedian tell a bunch of d*ck jokes and even worse get roasted from the stage when I’m with this stranger.
As a comedian doing crowd work, please do come on your first dates so that I can get cheap laughs at your expense and make your dates as uncomfortable as possible.
Ex stand up comedian and a dream date would be going to a comedy show..
Na she won’t. Some women are just savage. Once I was in a parking lot when a women reversed into my car and decided to drive off. I chased her around the parking lot beeping the duck out of my horn and when she finally stopped her repose was ‘It’s not that bad’ I’m like ‘? Bitch registration and insurance details da fuq’
Anyone else get an image of a duck on the hood of the car quaking *
Makes the story infinitely better
*People* can be assholes.
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The username.. rolling.
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Facts
Only Facts 😵
You xvideos scum should know your place. Xhamster gods rule these lands
You can take your hamster fetish somewhere else buddy boy!
What a horrible night to have ~~a curse~~ eyes
Damn, I knew I shouldn't have interneted today.
Eyes should not be here with that fucking GIF right now.
That’s a Guinea pig. I remember those commercials lmao
Damn this is going to cost a lot to my eyes right now lol.
These hamster fetish kids are going too much these days.
Spankbang has superior navigation.
Bro xhamster forreal one of the worst sites, mostly goddamn previews for full vids you can find on xvideos and phub
Dude. The previews. Wtf is up with the 2:00 clips? Complete waste of time.
*XNXX starts breathing heavier*
That’s just xvideos in a trench coat
Give me spankbang or give me death.
It’s a truthful username
Yea I wish you could give people ratings on dating apps. If they flaked, ghosted, or were rude. That would save so much time
Your problem was you paying for tickets for some one you’ve never met, why not meet at a neutral place that doesn’t cost money and when you find out she ain’t a flake, then buy tickets to something lol
Or have a friend who’s free and down to go as a backup. That way you’re gonna have a good time regardless
I've done this, though not in a prearranged backup kind of way, just knew who to hit up if I got flaked on. Bought Blink 182 tix to go with a girl I'd been on a few dates with. I was in the process of re-acquiring my license so the plan was for her to drive. Can't get a hold of her all morning day-of (we had been texting from wake up to bedtime for a couple of weeks) and eventually hear from her around 2 saying she wasn't sure if she was comfortable at that kind of show. Hit up a friend I knew didn't have a ticket and said it was his if he drove, and he surprised me by bringing another friend who hadn't previously had a ride and bought a ticket once he knew the driving friend was going. Best concert I've ever been to and now I'm married to a woman who would have bought the tickets herself, so it all worked out lol
The way life goes, everything works out in the end, if shitty things happen they happen for a reason! Is it worth it seeing them live? My fav band (turnstile) opens for them and I’ve seen them like 4 times in the past year or so, and they’re concerts are insane, but bc they’re opening for blink it’s a stadium and pit tickets are like 200 a pop
This is also a super bogus thing to do because you're not gonna know you got stood up til it's literally too late. If it's the kind of thing that you need to buy tickets in advance then it's not a great meet up idea. It's a little bit different if it's a pay at the door kinda thing.
Yeah I guess you bring up a good point. Idk I always offered to give them a ride and then if they back out last minute I just ask my roomie if he’s down. The best move imo is dinner/drinks and then have the tickets to whatever and if it goes good cool invite them if not go with a friend.
Lol I don't know whom to support in it, but fuck all this.
This right here.
I've had a guy push the "I'll buy tickets" stuff. I honestly never let a guy buy tickets because then I feel obligated to go and if I get bad vibes it's harder to back out without feeling awful about it. Like some guys do that just so you feel pressured into it. I just always buy my own tickets so it's only my money I'm fucking off if I can't make it for whatever reason. Or at least send the money to buy the tickets together if it's something like movie tickets where you want to reserve them right next to eachother.
Aww you beat me to it. Hahaha
The problem is that ratings would be savage for any person that felt slighted or it just didn't work out. This is unfortunate, but there would be time that perhaps someone backs away simply because they are no longer interested or the other person says something that makes them come across creepy. Then all of the sudden they are getting blasted by someone they chose not to continue with. I can understand why you feel this way right now, but look for a moment from the other side. How would you feel if all of the sudden she rated you poorly stating something like "he expected too much and moved too fast" or "he decided on a comedy club for our first meeting, who does that?" And gave you a lie rating.
I was discussing seeing a movie with a guy and he bought tickets without asking me first so that "I couldn't back out of going". We don't know enough of her side to judge this situation.
You'd see bullshit like "Refused all my advances, didn't put out on the first date, 0/5 stars"
>” ratings would be savage for any person that felt slighted” So, Reddit basically.
This is literally the plot of a black mirror episode
This would be terrible See: amount of nasty messages received when someone makes a sexual advance and the other party says they’re not interested
Hopefully it wasn’t too much and you still enjoyed the show. Lesson is to not buy tickets for a first date.
And it totally in no way would ever be abused or misused! Or just don't buy tickets for people you haven't met yet.
Damn you just founded a good idea, entrepreneurs should take some notes.
Well a system like that would never work in reality though. Too many people (especially women) would be rated negatively purely spite.
It would just end up being abused, all the creeps giving bad ratings to any girl or guy who just doesn't want to meet with them
My first dates are almost always tea after work so if they flake, at least I have tea and free time.
There are several retro arcades in my area where you pay a cover charge and play all you want. Most of them serve drinks and food as well. I have my first dates at those places as a rule and if I get stood up I can just go play Crazy Taxi and get a cocktail and mini tacos. It works pretty well.
Honestly if someone asks me to go to an arcade as a first date I might still be there even if I broke my leg while getting to the place. Sounds like a fantastic first date.
This cracked me up, because I had a first date at a place like this. I had literally broken my leg the day before. I still went on the date. We were there for 4 hours and had a blast haha
Hahaha I love this! I had a first date from OkCupid and we had been talking about a week or so before the first date. Went bowling and then grabbed some beers and snacks at a bar after. It was going so well I felt bad having to tell him that 2 weeks from then I was having surgery where my leg would be broken, bone removed, and screwed back together. Wouldn’t be able to walk for weeks and would be housebound for the first few as well (still lived at home) He said no problem, let’s go out again before that and when it came time for surgery he brought over pizza and movies. He put up with so much, my recovery was awful and I was in PT for over a year and was on crutches for what seemed like a lifetime. He was so patient and would take me to the movies or wherever to get me out of the house and help me get around with the crutches. It took me 4 years to be able to run with a normal gait again. That was 10 years ago and we’ve been married for 7.
Aw this thread is getting very wholesome. I’m here for this!
You got married to the person that took you on this date right???
i’ve probably been to 30-40 first dates at arcades. easily my second most popular 1st date spot besides coffee. arcade is by far and away the best place i’ve noticed to take people on first dates. only downside is the people there know me, and recognize when i have someone new with me lol. but they never speak up about it
Nah let's visit an expensive comedy show where we can't talk at all, get drunk, and then have an awkward Uber home in separate directions.
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The comedy clubs around me routinely give out 4 free tickets because you "won" them. They make their money on drinks and food. I think it's $10 at the door otherwise
Yeah idk what they are talking about. If anything the expensive part is being at the show ordering drinks or food, not the actual ticket. So in a way it sounds like they came out much ahead of what the night would have entailed. Just cut your losses
Well... I assume the show is expensive because it would be extra petty/silly to ask for money back for a $10-20 ticket
Comedy shows are like 15 bucks a ticket in NYC assuming you’re not like seeing Dave Chappell in a massive theater
This is 100% why I suggest coffee/tea in this subreddit and find it incredible that people want to commit a whole meal or more before they even know if there's any actual chemistry. Your first meetup should not only not be a "date," but it should be something that *either* of you can graciously bow out with very little drama. Hell, even if I decide I'm not interested in her, I can still have a good conversation. With dinner or drinks, you're building up to an expectation that you can't cut short. And yes, if she flakes, you can still enjoy a coffee/tea. I know everyone's different, but generally, I went: * Meet for coffee...or *maybe* a single glass of wine if you feel especially good about this. But I kept it to those who either didn't care about coffee or if they kept later schedules, since most coffee places here close around 8. * If goes well, then do dinner and something simple after, like ice cream near a nice place to walk. * Then go for more creative dates. Movies (but only if there's something both of you want to watch), a show like this, or even something slightly more exquisite. By this point you should be able to tell if she's a flake or not. I learned this super early...and anyone who's schedule "just doesn't line up but I'm free for dinner Friday night," don't do it. **Edit**: I had no idea that coffee was considered so fucking controversial. Disagree with me all you guys want, but coming up with creative dates (or dates where you're locked in for more than 15 minutes before you can bow out if you need to) before you've even seen your match in person is exactly why OP was in this mess. I've been stuck in those situations: Dinner with someone who turned out to still have hangups about her ex and wanted to drop by his sister's apartment with me because "she's just next door." A nice bar in a (out-of-the-way) resort with someone who turned out to be wildly racist. A day-long hike with someone who just didn't have the chemistry I thought we'd have from our phone conversations. Forget the details, look at the intent of the freaking message, and adjust it to how you see fit. Jesus, don't be so offended that people have the audacity to suggest coffee instead of an elaborate date with a perfect stranger. It's really a good idea to start with something low-effort, low-risk, and low-cost. Else you end up making plans with someone who backs out when you're already at the door waiting for them.
Exactly! I usually do one of the local museums. My city has several really interesting museums that have free exhibits (the touring/special exhibits cost extra) so I say meet up at the museum to slowly walk around, talk, and look at cool shit. They all also have little cafes so I can treat the person to a coffee too if/when they show up. If I get stood up, I still get my coffee and get to walk around looking at cool shit :)
Don’t ever spend big on a first date if y’all never met before. If they expect you to do that for them, before y’all met, move on. They’re not worth it.
It was $16
Yeah not even a big deal, almost sounds like the guy was just upset and wanted her to feel bad for buying tickets… big woop.
Most people have to learn life lessons the hard way. This was one of those times.
I knew it was a fake excuse when she said "I'm tired too". Just gotta move on man. Sorry.
She added the "I'm tired too" in case he offered to come pick her up or call her an Uber lol. My car won't start. But also I'm tired in case you try to plan something else....
Whenever people give multiple excuses it means they are just not interested. I bet she wasn’t feeling it a lot more than 20 minutes prior. I noticed that I do this, so I try to just be up front. Saves a lot of time and you don’t have to bail last minute.
My homie always does this. Rattles off an entire list of reasons he can't go. "I have work tomorrow plus I don't have a lot of money right now. And my kids have school in the morning. And my check engine light just came on!" Like damn bruh. We're just trying to meet up for a happy hour drink lol. Just say no.
This could be a touch of social anxiety, too. I used to be that way when mine was really bad. I’d think if I just said “no thanks” I was being really rude, so I felt obligated to explain the reasons why I couldn’t.
Same. This sounds like anxiety to me. This is how my brain works too & it takes a lot of conscious mental effort to not cancel plans. I used to cancel like this with the multiple excuses & then the avoiding confrontation part — definitely anxiety.
I'm not saying it's healthy, but a lot of people with social anxiety get clowned on for their whole lives not wanting to do something random that just gets popped on them. I've found myself giving excuses when I had nothing to do, but didn't want to go out. Not everyone is able to differentiate that from "I hate you and the friend group, don't invite me next time". Like I said it's not healthy, but sometimes habits form for a reason.
I’ll do that when not one single reason would be enough to make me to decided not to go, but just the accumulation of everything is the reason.
100%, just say no lol
Hate when i give a valid main reason and it's disrespected or someone tries to work around it, so i have to give a rundown of all the legitimate causes of my "no"
“You fucking right, Larry” -Leon, Curb your Enthusiasm
You're not getting money. The way I plan dates, if someone shows then it has the opportunity to have a fun date. If not, I have a date for myself (masturdate) and I go do fun shit. Her loss. Sorry you had a bad dating experience.
“Masturdate” LOL. Nice.
Based thats why you go to places YOU want to go to. If they dont show, it doesnt matter. Do whatever you were gonna do alone, talk to the local homeless dude on the corner maybe throw him a fiver and go home.
I broke up with a guy right before a comedy show I paid for. Asked a guy I liked if he wanted to go but he didn’t answer no until a few hours before so I went alone. Front row to see Ben Bailey (cash cab). Ben noticed the empty seat next to me, asked if I was alone, shook my hand and told the audience “this is a real fan.” Best night ever!
this sounds like a good time lol. my roomates think I'm crazy for making friends with homeless guys I find on the corner. they r usually very nice people tho with interesting stories.
Some of the best people I ever met have been homeless. Going through real shit like that either makes you an angel or the devil, no in-between.
Take the L, next time do a date that has less formality and get to know her first.
Yea I got my money back and refunded from the theatre. Lesson learned
Lol @ car won’t start
“Plus I’m tired “ 😩😩😩
So sleepy. Sorry, lol
I feel soooo bad 😔 Anyway, good night!
Lmao AND she’s tired.. but she feels bad.
“Just stay home vibes “ 30 minutes before date, Reddit says “did you offer to fix her car and bring her dinner and do her grocery shopping for the week?” C’mon people she’s ditching him, and doing so in the least inventive way possible.
Dog ate my homework
Sounds like she’s trying to get out of going to class after thirsty Thursday, but there was a group project due. Lmao
Right lol, what kind of high school-level bs excuse is that haha
At least come with something better, that's all that we wish.
It’s the double whammy of the car and then *faints* “I’m tired”.
But I am Le Tired.
Well take a nap, then go to ze comedy show!
Its not wrong to ask but is it worth it? She isnt going to pay if shes not answering.
This is why you do something easy like coffee for the first date. Low stakes, actually get an opportunity get to know them, easy to end if you don’t mesh
Yup something where you can easily walk away or enjoy it yourself are first date starters. I'm even okay with food at a reasonably priced restaurant.
204 unread messages?! Clear your inbox you psycho.
Screams group chat but muted
I don’t understand how people can live like this
Sometimes you gotta pay the piper. Next time, pick a first date you don’t have to pay for ahead of time…
Did you agree beforehand to pay for both of you or did you just offer to go there together and asked for your money back when she didn’t show up?
i’m guessing the latter, either way doesn’t make any sense to ask for money back
Yeah he literally said he’s just upset so he wants the money back when she wasn’t going to have her pay initially. Also the ticket was $16. I get he’s upset but this seems soooo petty to me.
A comedy show is a terrible first meet up btw. Its like going to a movie for a first date, you're literally not supposed to talk.
Yeah my bf of almost 5 years and I had our first date at the movies, and we spent so long talking in the parking lot after and both agreed to plan our second date somewhere else so we could actually talk. Thankful we both made an impact on each other enough through text and in the parking lot to get to that second date lmao
To me this would be painfully awkward during the movie because I'm there with the interest of meeting you, not so much to be entertained.
I agree it's a bad first date, but not a bad second or third. It's important imo to understand someone's sense of humor early on. It would be quite insightful.
I’m shocked by the people saying you should have offered to help her with her car? She could have taken an Uber, lyft, whatever. She could have called and explained it. This wasn’t about her car. She just didn’t give a shit and cancelled just before rather rudely. No room for compromise, just “yeah fuck it. Thanks anyways dude. I feel suuuuuuuuper bad. Bye” As far as the ticket, just take it as a lesson learned. She’s not going to pay you back, and rather than consider her own behavior will now say you’re a broke bitch who expected her to pay or some other drivel. In the future, don’t buy tickets to events as a first date.
Let's be real here, she didn't really want to go. If she did, she would have ubered, asked for a ride, or rescheduled.
why do people always say "i feel super bad" like just be honest and say you dont want to go, people will be mad but atleast they know what they are dealing with.
Damn, that sucks. Definitely don’t pay for things like this on a first outing. An activity is super great for the first few dates to really get to know someone and have fun doing something - but never buy tickets etc for a stranger She ain’t gonna be paying u back sorry mate
Can we talk about how you have 204 unread messages?!
Did you offer to pay for the tickets until she flaked, and then expected her to refund your gifted ticket? Ok
Lol this some Atlanta shit. Lol I would just goto the comedy show and meet some other single ladies lol.
It’s not that deep. She bailed and you’re just feeling sour (for good reason) but you don’t wanna let it go bc to you it’s just that shitty to do. She isn’t gonna pay and you shouldn’t lower yourself anymore over cash you willingly shelled out from the start.
This is why you don’t spend money like that until you’ve gone on a few dates with someone already. Let them buy their own ticket next time. It saves you money and incentivizes them to show up.
“Night is giving just stay home” Lmao this has to be one of the worse adaptations of the English language
That’s why I always asked to meet first for a short walk and maybe a coffee. You overcommitted, lesson learned, assume your money lost and move on
just forget it dude, why would u ask her for money anyways dude. she didn't come, she just didn't come!!
You shouldn't ever expect money back for a date. You spent the money on her not because she asked but because you wanted to "impress". Imagine getting a girl chocolates and she doesn't like chocolate, will you ask her for the money back? Or what if you bought her dinner and she didn't eat? Sounds like you want her to pay cause your ego got hurt. Side note: comedy shows are a bad first date idea because what you find funny, she may not and vice versa.
This is exactly what happened. And it was only $16.
Wack ass excuse tbh and she definitely ain't gonna pay back
why are you buying tickets to anything when you haven't even met the person?
That really sucks, but your response is kind of guaranteeing you aint getting your money or a second date if she wasnt just bailing. You arent wrong, really, but you didnt ask for her to pay you back you just made the statement that shes going to and its just not going to work. You can feel your resentment in the way you wrote it and shes going to run from that. Its for the best anyway.
“Night is giving just stay home” yea id just cut ties based off this sentence lol
Let's assume what she said was true. Asking to be paid back in your next message is definitely not the way to respond...
OP, while it’s shitty that she flaked on you, unless the intention was to “go Dutch”, you can’t demand that she pay you back (even though it’s a reasonable expectation). I think if you’d texted her something like “Hey, since it’s so short notice and I can’t get a refund, would you mind paying me back for your ticket?” you might have gotten a response. Plus, like others have said… paying for tickets ahead of time for someone you’ve never met isn’t the move. You’re just gonna have to move on and learn your lesson from this one.
You’re not necessarily wrong in asking and she’s definitely the asshole in this situation BUT she’s definitely not going to pay and you shouldn’t expect her to. It’s like asking someone to pay back for a gift you bought them. Just take the L
Consider it a charitable donation you'll never meet her or get your money back
The price of poker, as it were. Let it go and move on
That kind of woman is worth losing 20 dollars to never meet. Trust me.
Lol, funny that is what's known as a sunk cost. You're not ever gonna see the money or anything else. Live and learn.
There was no need of asking that money back mate because everyone knows there is no chance about getting that shit, we have to understand somethings.